Agatha Christie's Poirot (1989–2013): Season 2, Episode 7 - The Adventure of the Cheap Flat - full transcript
Poirot finds himself working on two cases, the first of which is more of an amusement, or so it seems. After meeting a delightful young couple, Stella and James Robinson, at a party he sets out to prove to Captain Hastings that there must be a reason for their good fortune in getting a lovely flat at a ridiculously low price. He is also brought into a more formal investigation by Inspector Japp who is hosting a loud-mouthed American FBI Agent who is on the trail of thieves who have made away with secret US Naval plans for a new submarine. The American isn't too impressed that Scotland Yard have brought in a private detective or that Japp has taken away his gun. When Poirot sees the man the FBI is trailing, he also realizes it's the same man who he has seen lurking outside the Robinsons apartment block.
Are you going to shoot her?
It's all over, Poirot.
Open your eyes, now.
Hastings, this is the last time.
You might not like it,
but you can't ignore it.
It's part of our lives.
- A window on the world.
I care not for this kind of criminal,
nor for the detectives of the United States,
who shoot first
and ask questions later.
Oh, come on Poirot! It's not all
machine guns and mobsters.
In fact, when it comes
to criminal investigation,
the FBI has got no match.
Well, except for Scotland Yard,
I'll let you know, soon enough,
if they live up to their reputation.
They're sending us one of their agents
in a temporary assignment.
Mon Dieu! Does that mean
what the gangsters of America,
are preparing to stalk
the streets of London?
Well, not fear.
No, it's a spy case.
They follow up a lead, I overhear,
and I will work with him.
I hope he does not take after his film
conterpart, M. Brick Davis.
For me, the part of your friend,
M. Parker, is excitement enough.
This can't be, surely.
There must be some kind of mistake.
- Campden Hill Gate.
- For 80 pounds a year,
they must be subletting
the boiler room.
Five room flat
with all modern conveniences.
Number six is on the first floor.
Come on, James.
Don't tell me. Number six,
the cheap flat.
Don't waste your time dear,
it's been let.
The moment I uttered my name,
they slammed the door on my face.
Perhaps they just didn't like
the look of her...
- Good evening, We understand...
Robinson. Mr. And Mrs. Robinson.
We were hop--...
- Thank you.
It was like a melting frost.
All smiles. Dashed us in,
to show us all the flat.
- Which was perfect. We're moving in right away.
Perhaps it's haunted.
Scene of a grisly murder.
- Oh, don't!!
- For that price,
they can haunt away.
our detective friends?
The man is the specialist.
M. Poirot, you're the expert.
What do you think?
I do not realize anything of ghosts.
in the matter of ghosts, I am no expert.
But there are two things
which are odd, you see.
The flat had been advertised
for some time.
Strange, when we consider
how low the rent was.
You'd seen the advertisement before
and didn't bother with it?
- We thought it was a hoax.
- Eventualy, We only went out of curiosity.
- We thought, as we were near.. - Precisely.
That's just what everyone else thought.
But why was that other woman
turned away just before we went?
And yet, we were welcomed
with open arms.
Uh-ah, yes! Come on, Arthur.
How do you get out of that one?
Well, it's obvious, isn't it?
She must have gone to the wrong flat.
You see? Captain Hastings
can explain every mystery.
Thank you, Miss Lemon.
- Good morning, Poirot; Miss Lemon.
- Good morning.
Mr. Poirot has been telling me
about your skillful deductions,
at Teddy Parker's party, last night.
You know Poirot, I sometimes think
you don't give me enough credit whereas to you.
I know it all seemed rather simplistic to you
but I was merely being tactful.
- Well, it's obvious, isn't it?
Robinsons have overlooked something
in their agreement.
They'll find out
what it is soon enough.
I just hope it doesn't come
as too much of a shock.
I see. Well Hatings, I am glad
that you show concern
for the problem of the Robinsons.
It will make our inquiries
all the more worthwhile.
- What inquiries?
Come, Hastings, before you become
buried in the wages of the races.
I don't see why do you want to waste
your time with such a trivial matter.
Hastings, you do surprise me.
I am well aware that this modest case
has not the same dramatic appeal,
than the deals of Mr. Cagney
and his G-men.
Even so, it is a mystery
and worthy of our attention.
Ah...! Thank you.
So, this dame thinks
she's heading for the hand-off.
But she ain't thinking is
federal agent Burt
is playing for the home team.
And with the FBI quarter back in,
and you guys from the
Scotland Yard on the attack,
she ain't going to make five yards,
never mind a touch down, right?
Let's move our butts.
All right, lads.
We reassemble at midday.
Poirot, this is federal agent Burt.
May I introduce
Hercule Poirot, the private detective,
and his associate, Capit?o Hastings.
The American crime buster.
Japp, I hope you are not
so short of manpower,
you're hiring a shamus...
What are they good for?
Chasing lost dogs.
This is a matter of international
security, we're dealing with, here.
I have no intention
of hiring anyone, Burt.
And if you must know, Mr. Poirot here
has an outstanding reputation.
Oh! A gumshoe of distinction.
And I suppose Al Capone
is running for President.
Yeah, so what?
So keep trying.
You heard what? Listen, pal,
don't get me this brotherhood garbage...
This liaison transatlantique
does not live up to his expectations?
Basicly, to Use a technical term,
it's a disaster.
He's taken up
my office, my secretary and my car.
Now he wants my best men
to stake out the Italian embassy.
round the clock.
If the London underworld find out
that half of my division is tied out,
they'll have a field day.
But why this need for surveillance?
Six months ago,
a minor clerk
stole the blueprints for a new submarine
from the US Admiralty.
There could be serious consequences
if they fall in the wrong hands.
It could be a catastrophe.
The one thing Il Duce lacks
is a strong navy.
Exactly. And apparently,
with half a dozen of these submarines,
he could control the Mediterranean.
The FBI's found out
that a woman's got the plans
and she's come to London
to sell them.
Ah..! Now I remember.
Was it not the " Romero Affair "?
La femme Fatale
who dared to doublecross the Mafia, uh?
Was she not, at some point point
of her career a "canary"?
- A canary?
- Yes, that's right.
A dance band singer.
What Mr. Burt calls
a " chant woosy ".
Hastings, you must try to keep up
with the modern idioms, uh?
And she is here, now?
Jim, step into my office
for a minute, please.
I'll have a word with that "Brian".
to have the damn records of this.
Sorry about the delay, sir.
There's a few Robinsons in the file.
The Robinsons we've got
were drunk and disorderly,
assault to a member of the clergy
and throwing stones,
with intention of doing damage
to the railway.
Nothing on a Stella
or James Robinson.
You see? They're just a nice,
During the last six months, can you recall
any crime, as yet unsolved,
where the chief suspects
might be a young couple?
Nothing comes to mind immediatly, sir.
Except of Bonnye and Clyde, of course,
but they they are at large,
somewhere in the American west.
And let's us hope that is where
But they're friends of Parker's.
I know Parker since we're in school.
He doesn't have friends who're criminals.
- Good morning, M. Pole.
- Good morning.
This is my associate,
- Shall we go in?
- Thank you.
- That's a beautiful facade.
- Yes, indeed.
One of the finest I've seen in London.
Are all the apartments of this block,
with the same layout?
- Yes, exactly.
This is the seating room.
It's been designed
by the highest standards.
Here, for example, is the latest
in inserted electric fire,
for the built in,
and with one or two bar option.
- It's comfortable, don't you think?
- Yes, indeed.
Poirot, you're not going to learn
any more about the Robinsons,
by looking at an empty flat.
Hastings, it is always wise
to make a thorough inspection,
before arriving at the final decision.
I don't follow you.
I have a sudden desire to take
an apartment in Campden Hill Gate.
The kitchen has bee equipped with
the most modern appliances.
All the shelves and cupboards
they were discreetly filled out,
providing an environment delightful,
even to the most particular of cooks.
M. Pole, tell me, for what purpose
is this little door?
It's for the dust bins.
from the back stairwell.
It would appear that the architects
thought about every convenience.
Why don't you examine at your leisure?
I'll wait for you downstairs.
- You are most kind.
- Not at all. Take your time.
Think of the expense, Poirot.
Six guineas a week.
But it is a small cost, Hastings, to pursue
the mystery of great intrigue.
Intrigue? But it'll probably
turn out to be something perfectly simple.
Eccentric landlady moved to benevolence
by plight of homeless newlyweds.
But this does not explain, Hastings,
why the cheap flat below this
had been advertised for so long
and nobody took it.
- Perhaps they found something wrong with it.
- And the Robinsons did not?
- Did they look naive to you?
- No, they didn't.
So we may assume that they possess
a special quality that others were lacking, non?
- They're just a normal couple.
- Voil?! And there lies the intrigue.
- Well? What do you think?
- I think that is exactly what I want,
and I will take possession immediately.
- You made a wise decision.
These flats will not be
in the market for very long.
And the rent is very reasonable
by today's standards.
- Yes, but not as that of Robinsons'.
- Oh! You know the Robinsons?
Yes, indeed. In fact,
they have just moved in, is it not so?
The Robinsons? The number six?
They moved in six months six months ago.
- Splendid party the other night.
- Glad you enjoyed, old boy.
Those Robinsons seemed very pleasant.
What does he do, you know?
Mr. Robinson... do? I'm not sure.
He hasn't been here in time, you know?
But they're "salt of the earth", though.
- Where are they from?
- I dunno. Out of town, somewhere.
- So, how do you know them, man?
- Well, that was a bit odd, as a matter of fact...
- Yes. Veronica and I were at the theater.
We'd ordered some drinks
for the interval,
When we got there,
there were these people drinking them.
It seems that we'd ordered
the same drinks.
And our little settee was number six,
theirs was number nine,
and they'd read it upside down.
- Prettyish awkward, remember.
- I see.
- Hastings, you're late.
- I had a bit of a roughing with the doorman.
I thought he wasn't letting me
into the building.
- Well, it seems there's been a foreign fellow,
hanging around, asking questions
about the Robinsons.
- It wasn't you, was it?
- Certainly not.
He is probably the man
who's been watching the flats.
Watching the flats?
Maybe they're not as innocent
as they seem.
Fancy they're tied
in some shaddy
import - export businness.
Drugs... white slavery.
Hastings, you have
the most fertile imagination.
Well, nobody seems to know
where they come from.
Parker doesn't know
anything about them at all.
Perhaps they've just returned
If this is true, Hastings, you will soon
have the opportunity to find out.
Now, please, we must begin our work.
Ah! Hastings, please bring
Hastings, I am about to enter
the flat of the Robinsons,
after the method
of the dust bins.
- You're going to break into their flat?!
- Non, non. Not breaking precisely, mon ami.
But I have to provide
But Poirot, it's Saturday afternoon,
they bound to be at home.
That is exactly what I'm hoping,
Because you're about to play the role
of a friendly neighbor
who just happens to be
I want you to keep the young couple occupied
while I perform my task.
Wouldn't it to be easier
to wait until they go out?
Hastings, these are things
I have already considered.
While they are out,
the doorway, it is always locked.
What am I gonna say?
Do come in.
Uh, Hastings! What brings you
to this nick of the woods?
If you ask me, the natural curiosity
of private investigators prompted him to do it.
No, not at all. In fact, I had
some businness to attend to in Brompton Road,
but I remembered you were living here nearby,
and suddenly I thought:
" Of course! The Robinsons,
they are bound to know. "
Now, should I use badger hair,
or an ordinary brush will do the trick?
...what I want is to get a spoted pattern,
without being very obvious...
I don't want to take risks.
It happens a lot, doesn't it?
As I don't want that to happen,
I think: or silk, or bristle,
or badger hair.
And apparently, a fine steel comb
produces the same effect,
and it is better on walls
and floors. More defined.
Captain Hastings, what would one be doing
with a badge of hair and steel comb?
Oh! Didn't I say?
Dragging and combing?
You know what to find, to create
a beautiful effect on wood.
You know, I am not exactly
very skilled in decoration,
so I thought of asking
your experts' opinion.
The only time I did something
was when I got assigned
to my assertment in France.
Not like you,
with all the work you've done.
Hastings, we haven't done a thing.
We only moved in yesterday.
I hate to admit I wouldn't know
a badger hair brush from a beef stew.
Oh! You're too modest.
I'm sure you were both influenced
by the spirit of the Renaisance,
during your time in Italy.
Whatever gave you that idea?
Wasn't you Parker said
had just returned from the Continent?
No. We came down from Cambridge
when James was offered
that position in the Mutual of London.
We've never been on the Continent.
an interesting subject.
In fact, I've been intending to do
a new insurance for my car.
- What on earth was that?
- It came from the kitchen.
- I didn't hear anything.
- I'd better take a look.
Oh! Allow me.
One never know,
it might be one of the ghosts.
The window opened it, I expect.
I should keep this bolted, if I were you.
You never know who's about.
I do not know
what the Robinsons would have said,
they'd seen the foot of Hercule Poirot
disappearing in the back stairwell.
I am indebted
to your quick thinking, mon ami.
I can't believe the Robinsons
have anything to hide.
If anyone's behaving
has a suspecious mannner,
it's that woman who let
the flat to them.
But did it not strike to you
as odd, mon ami
that the estate agent's description
of Madame Robinson
was so very different
from the Mme. Robinson that we know?
Not the most observant of fellows.
Or perhaps different Mme. Robinsons, hm?
Perhaps his Mme. Robinson
had been waiting a long time,
to find a subtenant
of the same name.
Why on earth would she do that?
That gardener is a dead ringer
over Japp's man, Sergeant Daltry.
Your eyes, they do not deceive you,
If I am not mistaken,
this van is the nerve center
of Japp's stakeout
at the Italian Embassy.
- What are you two doing here?
- It happens that we were passing by and...
Well, it is necessary to satisfy
the curiosity of Hastings.
You better come inside,
before somebody sees you.
So long, all the exits are covered,
front and back.
And we have a couple of unmarked cars
just standing by,
in case she decides
to "take it on the lam" (escape).
Whichever way, as soon as Carla Romero
shows up, we grab her.
- A well staged operation Mr. Burt.
- I am glad I could be of some help.
Who is that man?
Oh, he's in and out all the time.
A tourist in trouble, I guess.
Suppose Carla Romero never comes,
suppose she sends someone else.
All right, as a private dick,
what would you do?
Just walk right in there, and ask him
to call us when the blueprints show up?
I would concentrate my efforts
on trying to find Carla Romero.
She is a young, attractive American.
And travelling alone,
she would be a figure most conspicuous.
Alone, she might, but we know
she's travelling with an accomplice.
M. Burt, I understand
she had some dealings with the Mafia.
When do you guys understand
there is no such thing as the Mafia,
or the Black Hand or the Cosa Nostra?
There were some immigrants families
in mainly some European extraction,
who push each other around,
but organized crime - no, sir!
No, thank you, but...
Yes, I am sure that she is.
Yes, but, you see,
that is of no interest.
No, no interest at all.
But... Thank you. Yes.
Hastings, I have telephoned
fourteen night clubs.
Eight of them have the chanteuses,
but none of them American.
Three of them have male crooners,
one them a magician, one a pianist,
and the Black Kat won't answer the telephone.
- But what are you looking for?
Suppose, Hastings, that Carla Romero
it forced to return
to her old business, to support her
while she is waiting
to sell those documents.
It's possible, I suppose.
Why are you so interested
in Carla Romero all of the sudden?
Why not let the FBI
solve their own cases?
But there is a connection, perhaps,
with the Robinsons.
The man that I saw entering
the Italian Embassy,
is the same man
who has been watching their apartment.
And do you not find it intriguing,
that the only club who did not answer
the telephone was the "Black Kat"?
Good afternoon. I wonder,
could you tell me: is the manager here?
Er-- Er... Just a minute!
Who is it?
- Come again?
- Poirot. And you?
I've got nothing to hide.
- Come in.
- Thank you.
Everyone knows me, anyway.
Bernie Cole, king of the clubs.
- Didn't you use to come to the old Caprice?
What are you off to do, anyway?
Nothing illicit, I trust.
No, certainly not.
but is that not the telephone under there?
Drives you mad, doesn't it?
Monsieur... Mlle.Elsa Hart
is singing here, is she not?
- Who wants to know?
- There is a poster outside.
No. What I want to know
is: is Elsa Hart American?
I heard her in New York once,
Oh yes? She is Canadian,
like that Dionne quintet.
Canada is going to be
up on the rates soon.
We'll have Canadian this,
Bernie Cole can always spot a trend.
Known for it.
- If the manager says she is Canadian...
- But of course she would tell him that.
She has stolen the blueprints.
Her enemies are pursuing her.
She changes her name,
why not also her nationality?
Yes, I supose so.
Then, in spite of all her precautions,
she discovers that someone has track her down.
So, she decides
to leave her own apartment,
and to install someone of the same name.
- The Robinsons.
Oh! You mean the landlady
is using them as a decoy.
Yes, mon ami.
The charitable landlady,
the devious agent of espionage
also the singer Elsa Hart,
are surely one and the same.
I thought I was the one
with fertile imagination.
This is fantastic.
No, this is a plot
of sinister dimensions.
The Robinsons are to be victims
of a ruthless assassin.
Good evening. Pen?lope Maitland,
from the "Lady's Companion".
- I sent to you a message--
- Ah, yes. Very nice, too...
Please, come in.
Why do you never answer
I find it a plague, these days.
A friendly word of warning, my dear.
She wasn't keen of the idea.
She may seem a bit frosty.
It's the artist's temperament.
I'm sure you must be used
to deal with that,
In your line of work.
- Yes, indeed.
Straight down the corridor,
second on the left. Good luck.
Come and see me afterwards,
for a drink.
Miss Elsa Hart?
from the "Lady's Companion".
Why don't you come in?
I see that your reportoir
includes " Lullabye of Broadway ".
- It's one of my own favorites.
- Really? Glad you like it.
Now, miss-- Maitland,
why would the readers of...
" Lady's Companion ".
Right. Why would anyone wanna read
about a nightclub singer?
It's the glamour and for the romance.
The image of the modern woman.
Now I understand you've only been
in England a short time.
She says that she had touring
the capital cities of Europe,
with her husband,
for the past nine months?
in a variety of nightclubs.
But our intrepid journalist
was not convinced, uh?
Anyone who claims to have been
staghunting in the Bois de Bologne,
has been seriously misinformed
about life on the continent.
And there was something more?
There was a song sheet
in her dressing room.
An American publication
dating back to last January.
I have it on good authority,
it isn't obtainable
outside the United States.
It could only have been obtained
I believe that the newest recruit
of the "Lady's Companion"
has made a scoop.
It's past midnight.
- How long will we get to wait?
- All night, if necessary, mon ami.
I'm afraid you may lose
your beauty sleep.
I wouldn't get a wink, anyway,
trying to find about who is who
in this espionage business.
It is a devious affair.
How did Romero manage to steal
the documents, in the first place?
Carla Romero was not the thief, mon ami,
but a temptress.
Hastings, I will recount you
a little history.
It is a story that it will remind you
of your favorite cinema.
we have to go back six months,
to the East side of New york,
where the notorious Carla Romero
was a singer in a nightclub.
She had sort out and seduced
a young clerk,
in the American Department
of the Navy.
His name was Luigi Valdano
- How did it go?
- Like taking candy from a baby.
I'll get ready.
Meet you out front in ten minutes.
He was so enchanted
with this mermaid,
that persuading him to stealing
the secret papers from the US Navy
was an easy task.
Unknown to Valdarno,
the accomplice of Carla Romero
in this sinister plot was her husband.
That same night, Valdarno drove
Carla Romero to a deserted quay,
where he believed
that she had a rendez-vous
with an agent
of the Italian Government.
from the new American submarine,
would be exchanged
for half a million dollars.
This is it, baby.
Take it nice and slow.
You made it all too easy.
Goodbye, lover boy.
Lets get outta here.
Their instructions had been
to deliver the blueprints
to their contact in the protocol.
But Romero and her husband
had a better idea.
Instead of passing the documents
to their master in the Mafia,
Carla Romero and her husband
flew across the Atlantic,
under the name Robinson, to sell
the documents for their own gain.
Then they discovered they had
an assassin on their trail.
Yes. The deception of Carla Romero
so infuriated the Mafia,
that their code of honor
would demand revenge.
Prepare yourself, mon brave.
Our visitor has arrived.
Slowly, Hastings, we must be
the quietest of chapel mouse.
I still it would been safer
to evacuate the Robinsons.
To do so, would have created
If they are as innocent
as I suspect,
it would be better
that they know nothing of this.
He is breaking the lock
of the front door.
Hastings, pass me a revolver.
Take up your position
Hastings, the weapon!
He's nowhere to be seen.
Poirot, this is a disaster.
Do not worry, mon ami.
He will not return here tonight.
Our young friends are safe.
But now it is time to make our
acquaince with the elusive Carla Romero.
Chief-Inspector, M. Burt.
All right, let's go.
- Evening, Mr. Poirot.
- Good evening, M. Cole.
You're a quiet one. Will you put in
a good word for me to the Chief-Inspector?
Have no fear, M. Cole.
You see, Agent Burt, sometimes a lost dog
can be found in a places so conspicuous,
it is the last to be considered.
You better be right, Poirot, or I'll be
the one chasing lost dogs... in Alaska.
I think we can rely
on M. Poirot's little grey cells, Burt.
She's performing her last song now,
Let's hope so, Mr. Cole.
As soon as she leaves the stage,
I want you to clear the building.
You can depend on me, chief.
That's Carla Maria Romero, all right.
Let's tackle her.
- What do think you're playing at?
you cannot go waving guns about.
Give it to me.
Are you kidding me?
You just give it to me
or all operation's off.
- Nobody's going to believe this.
- Crazy idea.
Look after this, constable.
Oh, no, please! After you. I'll just
stay in the background with my knitting.
Ah! Mlle. Hart.
I had hope to find you here.
- This a deputation of admirers, or something?
In a way, yes.
Mlle. Hart, indeed, you have
a fine voice.
- Can't we just do this?
- Alright, alright.
- And the life of a chanteuse, is it not?
- Are we going to talk her to death, or what?
But your real talents, mlle.,
the cunning and deception
are far more taxing,
What do you think you're doing here?
Is this a party, or something?
Yeah. A farewell party, sweety.
Or do you prefer to be called
or perhaps, even, Mme. Robinson?
With an assassin on your trail,
you placed other Robinsons
into your flat.
You have been very clever.
But there is one thing
I must know, madame.
Was it you who first realized
the value of Valdarno's position
at the Department of the Navy?
Yeah, I had all the big ideas.
They just palmed all the money.
And there could never be a position
for a woman with your ingenuity in the Ma--
- In the Brotherhood.
Look, the FBI is definitive
in this matter,
there is no such thing
as the goddamn Brotherhood.
They wouldn't listen to me.
So you thought you just take on
all the world out.
Well, it's the end of the road
for you, lady.
So, why don't you just hand over
the bueprints, we can all go home?
Washington will be glad
to get this back.
Right, move it. You too.
You thought you could kill Luigi
and betray Cosa Nostra,
but you was wrong. sister.
Now we are going to settle the score.
This is good.
Everybody's got guns except the good guys.
Are you all gonna stand there
and let him shoot me?
- That's my gun.
- Non, mon ami.
I have no time
for these so-called mobsters of America.
I have seen enough of this charade.
One or more to move, you die.
Good night and good riddance.
This is a respectable club.
So, Hastings, never will you trust
your old friend, uh?
I took the precaution
to remove the bullets,
while we were at the apartment
of the Robinsons.
How did you know
he'd follow us here?
When we left Campden Hill Gate,
the assassin was lying in the wait.
I mentioned our rendez-vous
with Carla Romero
so that he'd be short to follow.
So, Agent Burt, we have killed
both our birds with one shot, uh?
And without firing a single shot.
It's no way to run a country.
So, you say this,
uh... association of criminals
sent a hit-man
after Ms. Romero, eh?
Yes, but she had planned
to deceive them,
by installing a young couple
of the same name in her old apartment.
And what about your joke
with the gun, Poirot?
Ah! Well, Inspector,
you and Capt. Hastings,
are so fond of the suspense,
how could I resist the temptation,
to bring this intriguing case
to the most dramatic climax.
Well, Mr. Poirot,
I've really got to hand it to you.
You're most kind, monsieur.
And the US Government, I'm sure,
would like to reward you for all your efforts.
The Navy will always be
in your debt.
Tea is ready. In the kitchen,
if you don't mind it.
That's terribly kind of you.
A gang of burglars
working in the whole building. Fantastic.
Do you expect to catch them?
Unfortunately not, madam.
They were professional outfit.
They would have a man on watch.
By the time we were arrived, they were gone.
I suppose that we should be grateful,
nothing was stolen.
And we should thank Captain
Hastings for his vigilance.
Because, if he had not noticed
that the door for the dustbin had b--
Look at this!
Now, there's a real professional's tool,
if ever I saw one.
to leave it behind, if you ask me.
Perhaps I should have it checked
You will find nothing, Chief-Inspector.
The real professional,
he wears gloves.