Adventures of Superman (1952–1958): Season 5, Episode 12 - Mr. Zero - full transcript

NARRATOR: The
Adventures of Superman.

Faster than a speeding bullet.

More powerful than a locomotive.

Able to leap tall buildings
at a single bound.

MAN 1: Look! Up in the
sky! MAN 2: It's a bird!

WOMAN: It's a plane!
MAN 3: It's Superman!

NARRATOR: Yes, it's Superman,

strange visitor
from another planet,

who came to Earth
with powers and abilities

far beyond those of mortal men.

Superman, who can change
the course of mighty rivers,



bend steel in his bare hands,

and who, disguised
as Clark Kent,

mild-mannered reporter for a
great metropolitan newspaper,

fights a never-ending battle

for truth, justice and
the American way.

[♪♪♪]

[♪♪♪]

Yes, yes, I understand.

Of course, you realize I
can't make any promises,

but I'll do the best I can.

Yes, I'll call you. Goodbye.

Chief, you're using
your serious voice.

What was that all about?

That was General Thompson
of the Department of Defense.



What did he want?

They spotted an unidentifiable
aircraft over the desert.

Oh, no, not those tired
flying saucers again.

No, this was more
like a rocket ship.

What do they expect
you to do about it?

Find it.

Find it? A rocket ship?

They're kind of hard
to lose, aren't they?

They're not exactly small.

Now, this is serious, Kent.

All of their efforts to
locate it have failed.

The general has one
last hope. Superman.

And they're hoping
you can contact him,

and tell him to get busy.

Now, just a minute, chief.

You know I'm working
on a story already.

Besides, what makes you think

I can turn Superman on
and off like a water faucet?

Well, try it. And
that's an order.

Isn't that kind of a silly way

for a grown man
to spend his time?

Well, chief, if you
think it's so silly,

why don't you try to
make one yourself?

[CHUCKLES]

Paper helicopters.

[SIGHS]

[♪♪♪]

Man, I've been working too hard.

Please take me to your leader.

What did you say?

Take me to your leader.

That's what I thought you said.

I want to see
someone in command.

Well, Mr. White's the boss.

Is that the same as a leader?

Well, it's almost the
same. A little more so.

Will you take me to him?

Well, he only sees
people by appointment,

and anyway, he's out to lunch.

[♪♪♪]

All right, you stop
pulling my leg.

But I wasn't pulling your leg.

Honest, I wasn't.

What good would
that do either of us?

Hi, Jimmy.

Who's your friend?

Then you see him too?
Of course I see him.

That's a relief.

Are you the boss?

No, I just work around here.

Perhaps I can help you?

Green hair.

Back home, we
all have green hair.

Uh-huh. And, uh,
where is back home?

Mars. It's just about the
finest place anywhere,

and I'll never get
to see it again.

Not ever.

Oh, come now, things
can't be as bad as all that.

They're even worse.

Well, why don't you
begin at the beginning

and tell me all about it.

Then Mr. Kent will write all
about you in the newspaper.

That'd make you
feel better, wouldn't it?

No, no, because then
everyone would know.

You mean there's
something to be ashamed of?

Yes, I'm ashamed of being...

Ashamed of being measly.

[SOBBING] They
said I'd never die,

I'd just measly away.

That's why they banished me.

They banished you from Mars.

They said...

They said I was a
disgrace to all of them

because I can't do anything.

They said it's
because I'm so measly.

Sometimes I think
I'm just stupid.

No, that's ridiculous,

I don't believe anybody
thinks you're stupid.

Besides all
this, I'm too little.

Everyone on Mars
is 4-feet-2 inches tall,

and I'm only 4-feet-1 and
three-quarter inches tall.

And they only make one size.

Did you ever see
a looser uniform?

And my whole life,
all I ever wanted

was a pair of shoes that fit.

Well, now, let's not worry
about that. That's no problem.

I'm sure we can get clothes
to fit you, Mr... uh, uh...

By the way, what
is your name, sir?

We don't have names,
we have numbers.

I'm Zero-Zero-Zero-Minus-One.

A real nothing.

Well, I don't think
you're a nothing.

How do you do,
Mr. Zero-Zero-Zero-Minus-One.

I'm Clark Kent.
That's Jimmy Olsen.

Oh, uh, is it all right with
you if we call you Mr. Zero?

Sure.

Hi, Jimmy.

Wow, what's that?

That is what is commonly
referred to as a girl.

Around here, we refer
to her as Miss Lane.

I'm very happy to make
your acquaintance, Miss Lane.

I've never seen
anyone like you before.

Well, haven't you got some
word for your young admirer?

Women. You never know
how they're gonna act.

One time they yak, yak,
yak and the next time

they won't even say hello.

Just standing there like that,

she's about the
prettiest thing I ever saw.

Even if she doesn't
have green hair.

Yes.

Uh, Jimmy,

would you take Mr. Zero downtown

and buy him some
clothes, please?

Well, sure, Mr. Kent.

Would you like that, Mr. Zero?

Golly, it certainly
would be a relief

not to be tripping
over my trousers.

[HUSHED] Try the
boys' department.

Come on, Mr. Zero.

Goodbye, Mr. Kent.

Goodbye, Mr. Zero.

So long, stone face.

Now, Lois, you all right?

[SIGHS]

I'm all right now, I think.

What was that all about?

Gosh, I don't know, Clark.

I came in here and that
funny little man pointed at me.

It was the strangest sensation.

I couldn't move or
talk. Who was he?

Well, you better sit
down for this one.

He says his name is
Zero-Zero-Zero-Minus-One,

and he just dropped
down from Mars.

Oh, Clark, how
gullible can you get?

That's what the little man said.

Don't tell me you believe him.

I don't know, Lois.

I can't think of any
better explanation.

And also, the
Department of Defense

sighted an
unidentifiable aircraft

that even Superman
couldn't find.

I don't get the connection.

I think I'm beginning to.

If what the little
man told us was true,

if he was banished from
Mars, just for being measly...

How mean. Yes.

Then they might have brought
him down in a rocket ship,

dumped him and turned right
around and gone off again.

Well, I'd hate to
try to sell that idea

to the Defense Department.

Yes, so would I.

But right now the thing
that concerns me is

what happened to you when
he pointed his finger at you?

You suppose he has
some weird kind of power?

Well, I'll tell you one
thing, I felt pretty weird.

Hm.

I wonder if... If
he does have it.

And what's more important, I
wonder if he knows he has it.

If you're not careful, you're
gonna get yourself elected

one of the 10 best-dressed
Martians in the country.

I just can't believe
it. I can't believe it.

Well, seeing is
believing, take a look.

Another Martian?

No, that's not another
Martian, Mr. Zero, it's you.

It is?

Sure.

Then what am I doing out here?

Well, it's not really
you, it's your reflection.

It's what we call a...

A mirror.

You mean, that's how I look?

That's right.

MR. ZERO: Not
bad, not bad at all.

Would you like to have me
wrap these up for you, sir?

Those old things?

As far as I'm concerned,
you can throw them out.

CLERK: Yes, sir.

And I do thank you
for all your trouble.

And I thank you.

It's been a pleasure
to serve you.

Goodbye.

Goodbye.

May I help you, sir?

Are you feeling all right?

[SIGHS]

Hey.

That was real crazy.

I beg your pardon.

Well, I... come in
here for a pair of socks,

th-the character with
the hair points at me,

all of a sudden, I
freeze. Who is he?

Mr. Zero, he's a friend of
Jimmy Olsen's and Clark Kent's.

Clark Kent, the
crusading reporter?

Mm-hm. He must
be up to something.

Mr. Zero told me he just
dropped in from Mars.

Oh, Mars. Oh, well, that...

'Course, I don't believe him.

Well, Mars-schmars,

that power of his could
come in mighty handy.

I don't quite get you.

Never mind, I just had an idea.

How about your socks?

Some other time. This
is bigger than socks.

Well, you're working too hard.

I seem to thrive on it.

How about you?
How do you feel? Fine.

Well, good. No ill effects

from the pointing
finger of our Mr. Zero?

No, nothing so far.

Well, guess I'd better
get back to work.

Okay.

Well, hi, sport.

Do you like it?

Sure do.

Well...

Jimmy, you did a great job.

Thanks, Mr. Kent.

Mr. Zero,

I have a question
to ask you, sir.

How did you get to Earth?

They flew me
down by rocket ship.

And they let you out
in the desert? Yes.

And they turned right
around and flew back to Mars?

That's right.

Uh-huh. That's what I thought.

Gonna have to
tell the chief this.

I know he's not
going to believe it,

but I have to give
him the old-school try.

Chief.

Mr. White.

What?

[LAUGHS] [CLEARS THROAT]

I, uh, have a report for you
on that missing rocket ship.

Of course, I don't
expect you to believe it.

Mr. Zero, do you
know what happens

when you point your
finger at someone?

Well, sometimes you
get your hand slapped

because it's not polite.

My mother always
used to tell me so.

No, I mean when
you point at someone.

No.

Point at Jimmy.

LOIS: See? That's what happened
when you pointed at me before.

I just froze.

Oh, Miss Lane, I
didn't hurt you, did I?

I wouldn't hurt you for
anything in the universe.

Of course not. It went
away in a few minutes,

just like it will with
Jimmy. Watch.

[SIGHS]

I think I just broke the
record for long yawning.

I didn't know I could do that.

I think it must have
something to do

with you coming
from a different planet.

The difference in the
atmosphere or something.

Thank you, Professor Einstein.

[KNOCK ON DOOR]

Come in.

I'm looking for Clark Kent.

Uh, that is, I'm
looking for you.

Who are you? Georgie Gleep.

What do you want with Mr. Zero?

Just wanna show
him a little hospitality.

Introduce him to a
few of the boys, maybe.

That's awfully nice, Mr. Gleep.

Oh, you just call me Georgie.

All right, Georgie.

You can call me Zero.

You know, Zero,

word's gotten around about you.

It isn't every day we
get a visitor from Mars.

Now, being new here,

you're gonna need
a lot of friends.

How about coming
out to the house?

Why, I'd like that very
much, Georgie. Good.

Don't you think you'd
better wait, Mr. Zero?

What's to wait for?

Just being neighborly.

And after all, Miss Lane,

I can't hang around you,

Jimmy and Mr. Kent all the time.

That would be an imposition.

Well, you're a big boy.

Do whatever you think is right.

There's nothing wrong in
making friends, is there?

'Course, there ain't.

Come on, chum.

So long, Jimmy, Miss Lane.

Bye, Mr. Zero.

So long, Mr. Zero.

Somehow or other,

I don't trust that
Georgie Gleep.

Me neither.

Where's Mr. Zero?

I told the chief about him, he
wants to see him right away.

Doesn't believe in him.

[LAUGHING] He thinks I've
been overworking or something.

Well, he just left
with a new friend.

Uh, Georgie Gleep.

Georgie Gleep.
Gleep, Georgie Gleep.

Yeah, the name sounds familiar.

I can't remember from where.

You don't seem
very happy about it.

Well, I'm not. I'm not, Lois.

The vibrations I
get aren't good,

not a bit good.

Well, here we are,
Zero. Home, sweet home.

You just make
yourself comfortable,

Slouchy will be
along any minute.

Who's Slouchy? Slouchy McGoon,

one of the best
friends a guy ever had.

Real prince of a man.

Oh, hiya, Slouchy.

Hiya.

Slouchy,

I want you to meet a
real smooth operator,

Mr. Zero.

Slouchy McGoon.

How do you do, Mr. McGoon?

Hiya, Zero.

Green hair? Sure.

Zero's gonna be a
real big help to us.

I am? You sure are.

How?

Well, I was just
getting to that.

Uh, Slouchy,
you're in on this too.

You see, Zero,

in this world of ours,
there are the good people

and then again, there
are the bad people.

I guess I've been lucky.

So far, I've just
met the good ones.

Yeah, that's right, like, uh,
Clark Kent and Jimmy Olsen

and Miss Lane, yeah,
they're all real fine.

[COUGHS]

And you and Mr. McGoon,

taking me in as a
friend right off the bat,

that's pretty nice too.

Eh, yeah, yeah, well...

But, uh, there are a
lot of rough characters

in this town that you
don't know about yet.

Where are they?

Well, every day

from 10:00 in the morning
till 3 in the afternoon

they hang out in that
big, stone building

just around the corner
from the Daily Planet.

And do you know
what they're doing?

No.

Counting money.

Money? What's that?

[GASPS, SLAPS FACE]

Take it easy, will you, Slouchy.

Why did you hit
yourself? Were you bad?

[CHUCKLING] No, no, h-he
was, uh, killing a mosquito.

Seem to be a lot of
'em around here today.

Uh, but to get
back to the money.

Money is something
that's real handy

to have around if you
want to keep on living.

You see, it pays the rent
so you have a place to flop.

And you can
exchange it for food.

Oh, I see.

And do you know whose
money those bad guys have got

in that big, stone building?

No.

Miss Lane's.

How did they get it?

Well, being a lady

and not knowing any
better, she gave it to 'em.

Then she must have
wanted them to have it.

She's very kind, you know.

Eh, no, no, no, no. You
don't understand, Zero.

You see, she trusted
'em with it, for safekeeping.

They're supposed to give it
back to her whenever she needs it.

But they don't wanna
give it back to her

because they wanna
keep it for themselves.

Yeah, the dirty rats.

I see you're beginning
to get the message.

Yeah, I'm reading you
real good, Georgie. Good.

That's awful.

Then Miss Lane won't
be able to get any food,

and she'll be hungry.

Yeah.

She won't be able to pay
the rent, and she'll be cold.

And won't have
anyplace to sleep.

Well, we just can't
let that happen

to Miss Lane, can we, Zero?

We certainly can't.

But what are we gonna do?

I'm glad you asked me that

because that's
where you come in.

Now, here's the idea.

Just before 3:00,

we go down to
that stone building

I was telling you about, see,

we park the car out in front...

[♪♪♪]

He's been gone
over three hours, Lois.

He should never
have been allowed

to go off with that
cheap, petty crook, Gleep.

I'm sorry, Clark.

Golly, if anything
happens to him,

I'll never forgive myself.

[KNOCK ON DOOR]

Mr. Zero.

Golly, is it good to see you.

Why, what's happened?

That's what I was about to
ask you. Where have you been?

I can't tell you.
I gave my word.

Mr. Zero, Georgie
Gleep is not a nice man.

Oh, you must have another
Georgie Gleep in mind, Mr. Kent.

Because this one's so
kind and good as can be.

So is his friend, Slouchy.

Slouchy McGoon?

That's right.

Oh, no.

What's the matter?

Well, McGoon and Gleep
have been known to pull off

quite a few
robberies in their day.

Robberies? What's that?

Well, that's when
you take something

that doesn't belong to you.

But it was the
others who did that.

They took...

Ah? And what did they take?

I'm very sorry.
I can't tell you.

Hi, Mr. Zero.

Hello, Jimmy.

Mr. Kent, I, uh...

I forgot to cash a check today.

Could you possibly loan
me five bucks till tomorrow?

Well, I'm afraid not, Jimmy.

You see, I'm running
a little short myself.

I can, Jimmy. I got some
money from the bank today.

Come on, it's in my
office. Good, Miss Lane.

Wait a minute, Miss Lane.

What did you say?

I'm gonna lend
Jimmy five dollars.

No, I mean about getting
the money from the bank.

Oh, well, that's very simple.

I wrote out a check, and
they gave me what I wanted.

They did?

Well, of course.

But Georgie said...

Uh, what did Georgie say?

I think you better tell
us the whole story.

He said there were bad
people in that building,

and they weren't gonna give
Miss Lane any of her money,

so she'd be cold, hungry, and...

Oh, what have I done?

Now, look, nobody ever
gained anything from crying.

What happened?

While I...

While I pointed my
finger at the men

Georgie and Slouchy took
all of Miss Lane's money.

A lot of other
people's too, I'll bet.

Do you know what
they did with it?

They said they were
gonna mail it to Miss Lane

because she wouldn't ever
know who did the good deed.

Oh, Miss Lane, I'm sorry.

I don't know what to do.

Oh, that's all right,
we'll think of something.

They were right to
banish me from Mars.

I'm no good, just no good.

Now, now, don't say
that, you're very nice.

You just made a mistake
but it's not your fault.

[SOBBING] But it is!

It is, if it hadn't...
Hadn't been for me...

Have you any idea where
they took the money?

No, but I know
where Georgie lives.

Oh, you do, where?

It's a little place
out on the road,

all by itself.

Just past the place
where they stopped

to put something in their car

so they could go some more.

He must mean a filling station.

Yes, I think I know the place.

A sort of an old rundown
house, is that right?

Yes, and Mr. Kent,
you've got to let me

help you get Miss
Lane's money back again.

I'll do anything.

Well, I'm afraid this sounds
more like a job for Superman.

Superman?

We've heard about
him even on Mars

from the time he took
care of those meteors.

He's a good
friend of Mr. Kent's.

Um, if I can arrange
it, would you like

to help Superman get Miss
Lane's money back for her?

Oh, yes. Can you arrange it?

Well, I'll try.

Jimmy, here's the key to my car.

Can you drive Mr. Zero
over to Georgie's hideout?

And get there as
fast as you can,

but, uh, don't break
any speed laws.

Sure, Mr. Kent.
Come on, Mr. Zero.

And what are you
going to do, Clark?

I'm gonna try and
contact Superman.

What do you mean try and find
him? You always do. Why is that?

Lois, this is no time for
idle feminine curiosity.

Your fortune's at
stake, remember?

Perhaps you'd like me
to sit down and gossip...

Never mind, never mind. I'm
sorry I brought up the subject.

I'm very glad to hear it. Please
call Inspector Henderson,

tell him to get over there

with a couple of
his best men. Right.

Get me Inspector
Henderson, please.

[♪♪♪]

Man, what a patsy
that Mr. Zero is.

You don't find them like
that every day in the week.

You can say that again.

Boy, I can hardly wait
to start counting this loot.

[♪♪♪]

And to think, we didn't
even have to point a gun.

Unarmed robbery.

[BOTH LAUGH]

A million dollar" worth.

Ooh, you gorgeous money...

[IN UNISON] Superman!

We didn't mean nothing, honest.

I know, just a couple of
nice boys out for a lark.

What are you gonna
do to us, Superman?

I'm not going to do a thing.

However, I'd like you to
meet an associate of mine.

Come in,
Zero-Zero-Zero-Minus-One.

This job is much too big
for Superman. Take over.

Gladly, Superman.

SUPERMAN: That should hold them

until Inspector
Henderson gets here.

Mr. Zero, you
really saved the day.

I did, didn't I? Sure you did.

Look what
Zero-Zero-Zero-Minus-One

is doing down there on Earth.

He's helping
Superman, and he's only

4-feet-1 and three-quarter
inches tall, imagine.

And then Superman
asked me to meet Mr. Kent,

Miss Lane and Jimmy back here.

He said that you'd
want to meet me.

Yes, of course, I wouldn't
have believed it otherwise.

Have a cigar.

Thank you.

Aren't you afraid
it'll stunt his growth?

This is very superior.

Good. I'm glad you like it.

I'll give you a
box of them later.

Back home we smoke corn silk.

PERRY: Corn silk?

[ELECTRONIC BEEPING]

What is it, Mr. Zero?

This is the antenna
from my helmet.

They're sending me a message.

What kind of a message?

From Mars. From
the Supreme Council.

They say if I'm good
enough for Superman,

I'm good enough for them.

They're sending a
rocket ship for me.

You're going home?

Golly, that's
great. What a story!

We can drive you to where
they're gonna pick ya up,

and I'll get some pictures
and Miss Lane, you can...

Uh, Jimmy, obviously
Mr. Zero doesn't want to say this,

but he's afraid if there
are people around

when the rocket ship approaches

his friends may
be frightened away.

That's right, Mr. Kent.

Oh, of course.

We'll take you to the meeting
place and leave you there.

Sure. Thank you.

Goodbye, Mr. Kent, Mr. White.

Goodbye.

You realize, of course,

that the people in Washington
are never going to believe this.

I suppose not, chief.
You obviously didn't.

Kent, I want to
ask you a question.

Yes, sir.

I have here, scissors,
paper and paper clips.

Yes?

Just how do you go about
making those paper helicopters?

[LAUGHS]

Chief, I thought you'd never
ask me. It's very simple.

[♪♪♪]

[♪♪♪]

NARRATOR: Don't miss
the next thrill-packed episode

in the amazing
Adventures of Superman.

Superman is based
on the original character

appearing in Superman magazine.

[♪♪♪]