Adventure Time (2010–2018): Season 5, Episode 43 - Root Beer Guy - full transcript
Root beer guy must put aside his common everyday life to search for the truth behind the murders, lies, and deceit in the Candy Kingdom.
♪ Adventure Time ♪
♪ Come on, grab your friends ♪
♪ We'll go to very
distant lands ♪
♪ With Jake the Dog
and Finn the Human ♪
♪ The fun will never end ♪
♪ It's Adventure Time ♪
Tickle, tickle, tickle!
Wakey, wakey, wake!
Yoo yoo yoo yoo yoo yoo
Wow. That was really something.
Really something.
- Sure, I'll hold.
- Thank you for your time.
Hello? I'd like to take a
few minutes of your time
to tell you about an amazing
vitamin supplement.
But first, just let me ask you,
do you ever feel that
no matter what you eat,
you're still tired
and sluggish and...
Filled with nagging
anxiety and doubt and...
Root Beer Guy, get your
head back in the game!
Hello, ma'am. I'd like to take
a few minutes of your time...
Hello?
What we need is to cut
out the middle man.
- Hey, Root Beer Guy.
- Hey.
Dude, we should start
our own place.
Next stop, Lollipop
Park Estates.
This is good. What is this?
Candy.
Hmm.
Oh, I've got a closing argument
tomorrow, Root Beer Guy.
I knew there was trouble,.
I could smell it on the
hot evening breeze.
Fortunately for me, trouble
is my favorite thing
because I'm Joe Milkshake.
I kicked down the door with
one swift, decisive motion.
No.
With one swift and
decisive motion,
I kicked down the door.
No.
"The door was kicked
down by me swiftly
with not many motions
but a whole lot of
decisiveness was used by me
that was apparent to everybody."
Ugh.
Aaaaaaaaaah!
Hmm.
What are you doing?!
Let me go!
No!
Yeah!
- Hey. Hey, are you awake?
- Not really.
Well, this is gonna sound crazy,
but I think I saw Princess
Bubblegum get kidnapped,
and the perpetrators
were that Finn and Jake.
Okay, sweetie.
That sounds like an
interesting dream.
But it did happen.
You need to eat something
before you go to work,
and you can't keep falling
asleep at your typewriter.
It's bad for your back.
Besides, I miss you at night.
I'm sorry, sweetie.
I couldn't stop thinking
about that weird stuff
I saw last night when I was
peeking through the bushes.
Ugh! Peeking through
the bushes?!
You've been warping your mind
with all this mystery stuff.
I swear, sometimes I think
you love that novel of yours
more than you love me.
You've been working on it
every night for 10
years, and for what?!
Look at me, Root Beer Guy!
I'm a cherry cream soda,
and I have the same needs as
any other cherry cream soda
or even diet cream soda!
I didn't know what to say,
but Joe Milkshake never
was a talky guy.
On my way to work that morning,
I decided to lake a second
look at the crime scene.
Hmm.
Lake Butterscotch? Hmm.
Root Beer Guy! Root Beer Guy!
Root Beer Guy!
How many bottles of product
you sell this month?
Zero.
Great! Least you
can count to zero!
You know, maybe if you'd
give me the new leads...
You haven't earned
the new leads.
It's easy to do when you
have all the leads.
- Exactly.
- Hey, Root Beer Guy.
It's all about the leads.
See? I told you!
It's candy stucco.
Stucco feels great.
Hmm. When you're
right, you're right.
All right, you two.
What were you doing last night
with Princess Bubblegum?
- Uh...
- Hmm...
We were home last night. - Yeah.
We were doing that... thing.
That was a great thing
we were doing at home
with no other witnesses.
But we're each
other's witnesses.
- Yeah!
- But I saw you.
Look, man, you
didn't see nothin'.
Hmph!
Mr. Banana Guard, you've
got to arrest those guys!
Come on!
These are the guys!
They're kidnappers!
You have to arrest
them and find out
where they're hiding
Princess Bubblegum.
Princess Bubblegum? She's
right around the corner!
Oh, Princess Bubblegum!
Yes?
I think some banana guards
wish to speak with you.
Where are those banana guards?
- Your highness!
- Greetings, your majesty!
Your skin is looking
lovely today.
Oh, thanks!
It's really, really orange!
Ugh!
I've been using this new,
uh, marmalade spray-on tan.
Yeah. Cinnamon Bun...
Bingo-bango.
This was my lucky break.
With one decisive motion,
I kicked down the door.
So, uh, being tan
is my thing now.
Quickly, I scanned
the room for the...
Oh, man.
"Caramel Court,"
"Cotton Candy Crescent."
"Lollipop Park Estates"...
Bingo-bang...
Aha! Huh?
Bingo-bango.
Bonsoir, monsieur.
Would you like me to
turn down the bed?
Uh, look what I've got.
The security tape will show
that Finn and Jake kidnapped
Princess Bubblegum.
Finn and Jake would
never do that!
Oh, yeah? Prepare to
have your mind blown...
after I put this
tape in the VCR,
just to make sure I
got the right one.
I'm pretty sure I did!
Hey, yes! This is it!
- Aaaaaaaaaah!
- Bingo-bango!
I've got to get to the...
Are you in the tub, sweetie?
I'm going out!
I've got to get this tape
to the banana guards
or the newspaper or maybe the D.A.
or something.
Hey, Root Beer Guy.
You were not supposed
to view this tape.
But... but how did
you guys know'?
I told them.
That's right. I did it for us!
Oh, this thing is eating
you alive, Root Beer Guy!
But it's all I've got.
Hey, this looks
kind of personal.
Hmph.
Mr. Pudding...
Oh, you can just call me "Buck."
Uh, Buck, those...
No need to be formal here, son.
Those guys who were
just in here...
Can you tell me
what they bought?
Well, let's see...
A shovel, a saw,
some plastic bags,
some duct tape, a bludgeon,
a mop, rubber gloves.
Say, Mr.... Buck, do
you know anything
about this Lake Butterscotch?
Right nice spot,
Lake Butterscotch...
Miles from where anyone
could hear a person scream,
if a person were screaming
for some reason.
Creepy now that I
think about it.
Nothing up there these days
but some abandoned cabins.
Nice place to hide a body
if you were into
that sort of thing.
Son, now, what are you
doing in my pickup truck'?
- Yeah?
- Don't hang up!
I'm Root Beer Guy.
I'm the guy who kidnapped
Princess Bubblegum.
Yeah, yeah. I wrapped her
in a carpet... yeah...
And I'm gonna dump her
in Lake Butterscotch!
I'm completely insane!
But you still have
time to stop me.
Get up to Lake Butterscotch
right now, Banana Guard.
And I took a boat
out after 8:00.
Emergency!
- Quickly, to Lake Butterscotch!
- Wee-ooo! Wee...
Wee-ooo! Wee-ooo!
Wee-ooo! Wee-ooo!
Ugh!
Wee-ooo! Wee-ooo! Wee-ooo!
Use the licorice lace lasso!
Whoa!
Oh, my word! Get those guys!
They're my accomplices!
- Oh. Okay.
- I got it!
Busted, you boat crimer.
It's...
Finn and Jake?!
Well, guys...
it looks like you caught us.
Okay, Princess. You
can come out now.
Princess!
Oh, yeah. It is the princess.
Congratulations!
Whee! Whee!
You were so good at
solving the case.
Um, what case'?
The fake kidnapping.
To test the Candy Kingdom's
security system?
We didn't solve that case.
But if you weren't following
the clues I left, who was?
Um... it's Root Beer Guy.
Then why the Jumping Jay
is he in handcuffs?!
Uh, he went boating.
♪ Boo-ba-dee-bee ♪
♪ Dee-ba dee-ba doo doo ♪
♪ Doo doo doo-doo-doo doo dee ♪
That was a great night, baby.
We haven't danced
like that in years.
I'm so proud of you,
Mr. Captain of the
Banana Guards.
♪ Come along with me ♪
♪ And the butterflies and bees ♪
♪ We can wander
through the forest ♪
♪ And do so as we please ♪
♪ Come along with me ♪
♪ To a cliff under a tree ♪
This party is so crazy!
♪ Come on, grab your friends ♪
♪ We'll go to very
distant lands ♪
♪ With Jake the Dog
and Finn the Human ♪
♪ The fun will never end ♪
♪ It's Adventure Time ♪
Tickle, tickle, tickle!
Wakey, wakey, wake!
Yoo yoo yoo yoo yoo yoo
Wow. That was really something.
Really something.
- Sure, I'll hold.
- Thank you for your time.
Hello? I'd like to take a
few minutes of your time
to tell you about an amazing
vitamin supplement.
But first, just let me ask you,
do you ever feel that
no matter what you eat,
you're still tired
and sluggish and...
Filled with nagging
anxiety and doubt and...
Root Beer Guy, get your
head back in the game!
Hello, ma'am. I'd like to take
a few minutes of your time...
Hello?
What we need is to cut
out the middle man.
- Hey, Root Beer Guy.
- Hey.
Dude, we should start
our own place.
Next stop, Lollipop
Park Estates.
This is good. What is this?
Candy.
Hmm.
Oh, I've got a closing argument
tomorrow, Root Beer Guy.
I knew there was trouble,.
I could smell it on the
hot evening breeze.
Fortunately for me, trouble
is my favorite thing
because I'm Joe Milkshake.
I kicked down the door with
one swift, decisive motion.
No.
With one swift and
decisive motion,
I kicked down the door.
No.
"The door was kicked
down by me swiftly
with not many motions
but a whole lot of
decisiveness was used by me
that was apparent to everybody."
Ugh.
Aaaaaaaaaah!
Hmm.
What are you doing?!
Let me go!
No!
Yeah!
- Hey. Hey, are you awake?
- Not really.
Well, this is gonna sound crazy,
but I think I saw Princess
Bubblegum get kidnapped,
and the perpetrators
were that Finn and Jake.
Okay, sweetie.
That sounds like an
interesting dream.
But it did happen.
You need to eat something
before you go to work,
and you can't keep falling
asleep at your typewriter.
It's bad for your back.
Besides, I miss you at night.
I'm sorry, sweetie.
I couldn't stop thinking
about that weird stuff
I saw last night when I was
peeking through the bushes.
Ugh! Peeking through
the bushes?!
You've been warping your mind
with all this mystery stuff.
I swear, sometimes I think
you love that novel of yours
more than you love me.
You've been working on it
every night for 10
years, and for what?!
Look at me, Root Beer Guy!
I'm a cherry cream soda,
and I have the same needs as
any other cherry cream soda
or even diet cream soda!
I didn't know what to say,
but Joe Milkshake never
was a talky guy.
On my way to work that morning,
I decided to lake a second
look at the crime scene.
Hmm.
Lake Butterscotch? Hmm.
Root Beer Guy! Root Beer Guy!
Root Beer Guy!
How many bottles of product
you sell this month?
Zero.
Great! Least you
can count to zero!
You know, maybe if you'd
give me the new leads...
You haven't earned
the new leads.
It's easy to do when you
have all the leads.
- Exactly.
- Hey, Root Beer Guy.
It's all about the leads.
See? I told you!
It's candy stucco.
Stucco feels great.
Hmm. When you're
right, you're right.
All right, you two.
What were you doing last night
with Princess Bubblegum?
- Uh...
- Hmm...
We were home last night. - Yeah.
We were doing that... thing.
That was a great thing
we were doing at home
with no other witnesses.
But we're each
other's witnesses.
- Yeah!
- But I saw you.
Look, man, you
didn't see nothin'.
Hmph!
Mr. Banana Guard, you've
got to arrest those guys!
Come on!
These are the guys!
They're kidnappers!
You have to arrest
them and find out
where they're hiding
Princess Bubblegum.
Princess Bubblegum? She's
right around the corner!
Oh, Princess Bubblegum!
Yes?
I think some banana guards
wish to speak with you.
Where are those banana guards?
- Your highness!
- Greetings, your majesty!
Your skin is looking
lovely today.
Oh, thanks!
It's really, really orange!
Ugh!
I've been using this new,
uh, marmalade spray-on tan.
Yeah. Cinnamon Bun...
Bingo-bango.
This was my lucky break.
With one decisive motion,
I kicked down the door.
So, uh, being tan
is my thing now.
Quickly, I scanned
the room for the...
Oh, man.
"Caramel Court,"
"Cotton Candy Crescent."
"Lollipop Park Estates"...
Bingo-bang...
Aha! Huh?
Bingo-bango.
Bonsoir, monsieur.
Would you like me to
turn down the bed?
Uh, look what I've got.
The security tape will show
that Finn and Jake kidnapped
Princess Bubblegum.
Finn and Jake would
never do that!
Oh, yeah? Prepare to
have your mind blown...
after I put this
tape in the VCR,
just to make sure I
got the right one.
I'm pretty sure I did!
Hey, yes! This is it!
- Aaaaaaaaaah!
- Bingo-bango!
I've got to get to the...
Are you in the tub, sweetie?
I'm going out!
I've got to get this tape
to the banana guards
or the newspaper or maybe the D.A.
or something.
Hey, Root Beer Guy.
You were not supposed
to view this tape.
But... but how did
you guys know'?
I told them.
That's right. I did it for us!
Oh, this thing is eating
you alive, Root Beer Guy!
But it's all I've got.
Hey, this looks
kind of personal.
Hmph.
Mr. Pudding...
Oh, you can just call me "Buck."
Uh, Buck, those...
No need to be formal here, son.
Those guys who were
just in here...
Can you tell me
what they bought?
Well, let's see...
A shovel, a saw,
some plastic bags,
some duct tape, a bludgeon,
a mop, rubber gloves.
Say, Mr.... Buck, do
you know anything
about this Lake Butterscotch?
Right nice spot,
Lake Butterscotch...
Miles from where anyone
could hear a person scream,
if a person were screaming
for some reason.
Creepy now that I
think about it.
Nothing up there these days
but some abandoned cabins.
Nice place to hide a body
if you were into
that sort of thing.
Son, now, what are you
doing in my pickup truck'?
- Yeah?
- Don't hang up!
I'm Root Beer Guy.
I'm the guy who kidnapped
Princess Bubblegum.
Yeah, yeah. I wrapped her
in a carpet... yeah...
And I'm gonna dump her
in Lake Butterscotch!
I'm completely insane!
But you still have
time to stop me.
Get up to Lake Butterscotch
right now, Banana Guard.
And I took a boat
out after 8:00.
Emergency!
- Quickly, to Lake Butterscotch!
- Wee-ooo! Wee...
Wee-ooo! Wee-ooo!
Wee-ooo! Wee-ooo!
Ugh!
Wee-ooo! Wee-ooo! Wee-ooo!
Use the licorice lace lasso!
Whoa!
Oh, my word! Get those guys!
They're my accomplices!
- Oh. Okay.
- I got it!
Busted, you boat crimer.
It's...
Finn and Jake?!
Well, guys...
it looks like you caught us.
Okay, Princess. You
can come out now.
Princess!
Oh, yeah. It is the princess.
Congratulations!
Whee! Whee!
You were so good at
solving the case.
Um, what case'?
The fake kidnapping.
To test the Candy Kingdom's
security system?
We didn't solve that case.
But if you weren't following
the clues I left, who was?
Um... it's Root Beer Guy.
Then why the Jumping Jay
is he in handcuffs?!
Uh, he went boating.
♪ Boo-ba-dee-bee ♪
♪ Dee-ba dee-ba doo doo ♪
♪ Doo doo doo-doo-doo doo dee ♪
That was a great night, baby.
We haven't danced
like that in years.
I'm so proud of you,
Mr. Captain of the
Banana Guards.
♪ Come along with me ♪
♪ And the butterflies and bees ♪
♪ We can wander
through the forest ♪
♪ And do so as we please ♪
♪ Come along with me ♪
♪ To a cliff under a tree ♪
This party is so crazy!