Adventure Time (2010–2018): Season 3, Episode 4 - Hitman - full transcript
The Ice King looks to hire a professional bully to beat up Finn and Jake, but inadvertently hires a deadly, unstoppable contract killer.
♪ Adventure Time ♪
♪ Come on, grab your friends ♪
♪ We'll go to very
distant lands ♪
♪ With Jake the dog
and Finn the human ♪
♪ the fun will never end ♪
♪ It's Adventure Time ♪
Ahh.
Good morning,
Breakfast Princesses.
Mmm!
Oh.
Huh?!
Oh.
Sis, give me the phone.
Oh, hey, Finn.
I've got another Ice
King situation here.
Oh, yeah?
That would be great.
Thanks.
Ice King!
How many times
have we warned you
about using love potion?
That's why I'm using honey.
Man, who cares if it's honey?
You stink anyways.
Yeah, you stink so much,
I'm gonna ground you for a week.
What?! You can't do that!
You're grounded for two weeks!
You're grounded for two weeks!
Three weeks.
Oh, snaps!
Why?! I didn't do anything!
Four weeks?
Fine!
But I'm only gonna
do it for a week!
That just grounded
you for four weeks.
Oh, dang!
Okay.
What's up with the peace sign?!
Oh. No, I-I was just
trying to show you
how many weeks you got.
Get out of here, bubble butt!
Awesome.
Aaaaaaaaaaah!
This is so unfair!
They're the ones who should
be grounded, not me!
Ooh!
I'm so mad I could
just hit them!
If only I could hit them
without leaving the castle.
"H... I... T...
M... A... N..."
Ooh!
Perfect.
"Dear, Mr. Scorcher.
I would like you
to hit two people.
Neat name, by the way.
Love, the Ice King."
Aah!
Whoa, you are fast!
And quiet.
And very good at
dramatic silence.
I like it.
All right! So, how
do we do this?
Uh, we shake hands, or... aah!
Oh-ho!
Paperwork.
"Finn and Jake."
Whoosh!
Aha. There he is.
Huh? What's he doing?
What the...
I hired a hitman, not a fireman!
Dude, you see my masterpiece
coming together, right?
Mine's whack.
Well, put some meat in there.
Huh. What kind of meat is that?
That's Meat Man's meat.
Do you think it hurts Meat Man
when he gives us his meat?
I don't know. I can't
read his mind.
Phoo-o-o-o-o-o-o-o!
No-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o!
You guys, I...
What do you think
"grounded" means?!
It's wasted, man!
Oh, great!
Now see what you
did to my buddy?!
So help me, Ice King!
Okay, okay. Ghal!
It's all right, buddy.
We can make another.
Sheesh, this Scorcher guy's got
some weird ideas about hitting.
Hey, there you are.
What's that? I
already signed that.
I thought I told
you to hit them,
not burn them alive,
you big dummy!
Ghal!
It's almost like you
want to kill them!
Lucky for them, I
stopped the fire.
You know what happens when
you're burned alive?!
Your eyeballs explode! Blah!
Hey, wha?
Punch, punch.
Punch.
Rainicorn, don't eat him.
Ice winds, blow!
Blo-o-o-o-o-o-o-w!
Blo-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-w!
Meat Man...
Meat Man, I'm sorry, Meat Man.
I-I didn't mean it, man.
Finn and Jake, I
am just a dream!
I was never here.
Okay, mister, you are
really trying my patience!
How clear can I be?!
All I want you to
do is hit them...
On the shoulder, or something.
Are you even listening?
Oh, I get it.
Here's double the grease
to not kill Finn and Jake.
You trying to hustle
me, Scorcher?
Okay. I'll play this game.
How about this prize
piece for your pad?
♪ I wanna live, live, live ♪
♪ I wanna live, live, live ♪
No-o-o-o-o-o-o!
Huh. Okay.
How about these bad boys...
Night vision x-ray goggles
for when you have a
lady houseguest?
Aw! Come on!
At least renegotiate the target!
You can destroy my least
favorite princesses.
What about Lumpy Space Princess?
Ghost Princess?
I can't even hold her
with my love mitts.
Aw, geez!
Uh...
Huh.
Oh!
A-A leg cramp, in my leg!
Ow, ow!
O-Oh, this is so embarrassing.
I'll be right back.
Ow! Ow!
Think, baby. Come on.
Ah!
All right, let's hit
the hitman, right?
There's got to be a...
Ah!
"Blastronaut... ♪1 solution
for all hitman problems."
Sheesh! $99.95?!
That's nuts!
"Scor... cher."
Sweet!
No!
Come back, you wussy!
Ooh, that was weird.
Was that your friend,
or something?
Look! A supermodel!
Look! A hoverboard!
Look! The apocalypse!
Someone got hit in
the boingloings.
Hit in the boingloings!
Boingloings! Boingloings!
Somebody got hit in them.
Peace out!
Oh!
Freakin' butt! Butt, butt, butt!
Hey, Finn, are you awake yet?
I'm trying.
I had a dream about Meat Man.
Oh, yeah?
I think I'm gonna
stop eating Meat Man.
Aah! Oh!
You're grounded!
I know, but shush!
Okay.
I hired a guy to kill
you by accident.
What?!
I thought he was gonna
just hit you in the gut
and make you spit up your lunch.
Well, I froze him in ice,
but I think he's free now,
'cause he's made out of fire...
or he commands fire, maybe?
Good job. Good
job, The Ice King.
Oh, my life!
Aah!
Hyah!
Come on, man! Let's
get out of here!
Jake, do something!
He's getting close!
Yah!
Go faster, man!
Oof!
You alive?
Uh, I think so.
Whew! That was close!
Uh, hey, guys?
I don't think this ice
dome is gonna last long.
What do we do?
Hmm. Mm-hmm. Hm.
Ooh! Got it! I'm
gonna kill you guys.
Hey, I'll kill you!
No, wait a minute, you two!
I won't actually kill you.
I'm just gonna lower
your body temperatures
so you seem dead.
And after we fool
that fool outside,
I'll warm you up... good as new.
No way, man!
You already messed
up enough stuff!
You'll probably kill us, too!
Yeah! We don't trust you!
Zap!
You'll thank me later.
Stop!
Time out!
You don't need to
do this anymore!
Look! They're dead!
I killed them myself!
Dead, dead, dead!
Dead, dead, dead!
They're dead. No pulses.
So, uh, looks like
you can go home now.
Aah!
Oh, yeah. O-Of course.
There.
Oh, glad all that's over.
Hey, guys, guess what.
You're grounded...
underneath my butt!
♪ Come along with me ♪
♪ and the butterflies and bees ♪
♪ We can wander
through the forest ♪
♪ and do so as we please ♪
♪ Come along with me ♪
♪ to a cliff under a tree ♪
This party is so crazy!
♪ Come on, grab your friends ♪
♪ We'll go to very
distant lands ♪
♪ With Jake the dog
and Finn the human ♪
♪ the fun will never end ♪
♪ It's Adventure Time ♪
Ahh.
Good morning,
Breakfast Princesses.
Mmm!
Oh.
Huh?!
Oh.
Sis, give me the phone.
Oh, hey, Finn.
I've got another Ice
King situation here.
Oh, yeah?
That would be great.
Thanks.
Ice King!
How many times
have we warned you
about using love potion?
That's why I'm using honey.
Man, who cares if it's honey?
You stink anyways.
Yeah, you stink so much,
I'm gonna ground you for a week.
What?! You can't do that!
You're grounded for two weeks!
You're grounded for two weeks!
Three weeks.
Oh, snaps!
Why?! I didn't do anything!
Four weeks?
Fine!
But I'm only gonna
do it for a week!
That just grounded
you for four weeks.
Oh, dang!
Okay.
What's up with the peace sign?!
Oh. No, I-I was just
trying to show you
how many weeks you got.
Get out of here, bubble butt!
Awesome.
Aaaaaaaaaaah!
This is so unfair!
They're the ones who should
be grounded, not me!
Ooh!
I'm so mad I could
just hit them!
If only I could hit them
without leaving the castle.
"H... I... T...
M... A... N..."
Ooh!
Perfect.
"Dear, Mr. Scorcher.
I would like you
to hit two people.
Neat name, by the way.
Love, the Ice King."
Aah!
Whoa, you are fast!
And quiet.
And very good at
dramatic silence.
I like it.
All right! So, how
do we do this?
Uh, we shake hands, or... aah!
Oh-ho!
Paperwork.
"Finn and Jake."
Whoosh!
Aha. There he is.
Huh? What's he doing?
What the...
I hired a hitman, not a fireman!
Dude, you see my masterpiece
coming together, right?
Mine's whack.
Well, put some meat in there.
Huh. What kind of meat is that?
That's Meat Man's meat.
Do you think it hurts Meat Man
when he gives us his meat?
I don't know. I can't
read his mind.
Phoo-o-o-o-o-o-o-o!
No-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o!
You guys, I...
What do you think
"grounded" means?!
It's wasted, man!
Oh, great!
Now see what you
did to my buddy?!
So help me, Ice King!
Okay, okay. Ghal!
It's all right, buddy.
We can make another.
Sheesh, this Scorcher guy's got
some weird ideas about hitting.
Hey, there you are.
What's that? I
already signed that.
I thought I told
you to hit them,
not burn them alive,
you big dummy!
Ghal!
It's almost like you
want to kill them!
Lucky for them, I
stopped the fire.
You know what happens when
you're burned alive?!
Your eyeballs explode! Blah!
Hey, wha?
Punch, punch.
Punch.
Rainicorn, don't eat him.
Ice winds, blow!
Blo-o-o-o-o-o-o-w!
Blo-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-w!
Meat Man...
Meat Man, I'm sorry, Meat Man.
I-I didn't mean it, man.
Finn and Jake, I
am just a dream!
I was never here.
Okay, mister, you are
really trying my patience!
How clear can I be?!
All I want you to
do is hit them...
On the shoulder, or something.
Are you even listening?
Oh, I get it.
Here's double the grease
to not kill Finn and Jake.
You trying to hustle
me, Scorcher?
Okay. I'll play this game.
How about this prize
piece for your pad?
♪ I wanna live, live, live ♪
♪ I wanna live, live, live ♪
No-o-o-o-o-o-o!
Huh. Okay.
How about these bad boys...
Night vision x-ray goggles
for when you have a
lady houseguest?
Aw! Come on!
At least renegotiate the target!
You can destroy my least
favorite princesses.
What about Lumpy Space Princess?
Ghost Princess?
I can't even hold her
with my love mitts.
Aw, geez!
Uh...
Huh.
Oh!
A-A leg cramp, in my leg!
Ow, ow!
O-Oh, this is so embarrassing.
I'll be right back.
Ow! Ow!
Think, baby. Come on.
Ah!
All right, let's hit
the hitman, right?
There's got to be a...
Ah!
"Blastronaut... ♪1 solution
for all hitman problems."
Sheesh! $99.95?!
That's nuts!
"Scor... cher."
Sweet!
No!
Come back, you wussy!
Ooh, that was weird.
Was that your friend,
or something?
Look! A supermodel!
Look! A hoverboard!
Look! The apocalypse!
Someone got hit in
the boingloings.
Hit in the boingloings!
Boingloings! Boingloings!
Somebody got hit in them.
Peace out!
Oh!
Freakin' butt! Butt, butt, butt!
Hey, Finn, are you awake yet?
I'm trying.
I had a dream about Meat Man.
Oh, yeah?
I think I'm gonna
stop eating Meat Man.
Aah! Oh!
You're grounded!
I know, but shush!
Okay.
I hired a guy to kill
you by accident.
What?!
I thought he was gonna
just hit you in the gut
and make you spit up your lunch.
Well, I froze him in ice,
but I think he's free now,
'cause he's made out of fire...
or he commands fire, maybe?
Good job. Good
job, The Ice King.
Oh, my life!
Aah!
Hyah!
Come on, man! Let's
get out of here!
Jake, do something!
He's getting close!
Yah!
Go faster, man!
Oof!
You alive?
Uh, I think so.
Whew! That was close!
Uh, hey, guys?
I don't think this ice
dome is gonna last long.
What do we do?
Hmm. Mm-hmm. Hm.
Ooh! Got it! I'm
gonna kill you guys.
Hey, I'll kill you!
No, wait a minute, you two!
I won't actually kill you.
I'm just gonna lower
your body temperatures
so you seem dead.
And after we fool
that fool outside,
I'll warm you up... good as new.
No way, man!
You already messed
up enough stuff!
You'll probably kill us, too!
Yeah! We don't trust you!
Zap!
You'll thank me later.
Stop!
Time out!
You don't need to
do this anymore!
Look! They're dead!
I killed them myself!
Dead, dead, dead!
Dead, dead, dead!
They're dead. No pulses.
So, uh, looks like
you can go home now.
Aah!
Oh, yeah. O-Of course.
There.
Oh, glad all that's over.
Hey, guys, guess what.
You're grounded...
underneath my butt!
♪ Come along with me ♪
♪ and the butterflies and bees ♪
♪ We can wander
through the forest ♪
♪ and do so as we please ♪
♪ Come along with me ♪
♪ to a cliff under a tree ♪
This party is so crazy!