Adventure Time (2010–2018): Season 3, Episode 1 - Conquest of Cuteness - full transcript
Finn and Jake come under attack in their home from a race of super-evil creatures which are too cute to be taken seriously.
♪ Adventure time ♪
♪ Come on, grab your friends ♪
♪ We'll go to very
distant lands ♪
♪ With Jake the dog
and Finn the human ♪
♪ The fun will never end ♪
♪ It's Adventure Time ♪
Yeah!
What's for b-fast, Jake?
Everything burrito.
I love you, everything burrito.
Aw, man.
I think someone wants to
eat Everything Burrito.
I won't let them get you, baby!
Jake, come on!
Get ready!
Ready!
Yaah!
Peep.
So cute!
Look at their little faces!
We're not cute. We're evil!
And we're here to dominate you!
Get the camera, Jake.
I can't.
I'm paralyzed by the cuteness!
Beemo! Beemo! Beemo!
Beemo!
What? What? What? What?
Beemo, get the camera!
Beemo is camera.
Enough!
Now...
Bow down to me, Cute King,
and my legion of cuties!
Great shot, Beemo!
Since you won't take us
seriously, we will kill you!
Until then, enjoy
your burrito, Jake.
Huh?
My burrito!
It's perfectly fine!
No, Finn.
They probably poisoned it!
Naaaw.
They knew my name.
They knew about the burrito.
Man, you're letting your brain
dial turn your fear volume up.
You'll see.
Those cuties are nothin' but
an afternoon's delight.
Jake? What are you
doing in my bed?
Oh, nothin' much, you
know, just chillin'.
Wait a second.
Are you still messed up
about those little guys?
A little.
Look, man, what do you say
tomorrow morning we go track
those little guys down and find
out just what their deal is?
Sound good, buddy?
Yeah.
Thanks, buddy.
Man, you sound just
like mom sometimes.
Yeah. Good old mom.
She always knew
just what to say.
Yeah.
Good night, brotha.
Good night.
Finn! Finn!
Finn, wake up, man!
Wha?! Huh?
I think someone's in the house.
For real, man!
Shh. Listen.
Uh...
I swear, man.
I really heard something.
Finn!
I heard.
Okay. Who's out there?
What the?!
That's my sword!
What do they want
with my sword, man?
It came from downstairs!
All right. That's it.
Where are you going?
I'm gonna go manhandle
those guys' banandles.
What?
Well, they broke a window,
but I don't see any of 'em.
I guess they left.
Oh, no!
Oh, oh, no!
Jake, what is it?
Oh, no!
It's a dead goat, man!
Its guts are all over the place!
It's all chopped up and
spread around and...
Oh, no, wait.
It's just a blanket.
I think I left it
here this morning.
Jake! Finn!
This is the voice of your mom!
I've come back to tell you
how dumb you always are!
I hate you guys so much!
Oh!
Get him, Jake!
Aah! Aah!
Blauwgh!
Jake, I got him!
He's freakin' out, man!
- What do I do?!
- Shake him!
What?!
Shake him around till he stops!
Okay-
They stopped.
Okay-
Now tell 'em not to
talk about our mom.
How do you even
know about our mom?
We've been watching you.
Learning your weaknesses.
What?! Why?!
For tomorrow morning.
When our army comes
and kills you both.
You think we're so cute,
when actually we're
the opposite of that!
Waah!
Hold him!
Oh, gross!
Well?
Do you believe me now, Finn?
I...
I don't know what
to believe anymore.
Well, that's close enough.
Let's start settin'
up some barricades.
There's got to be
a thousand of em!
Wait. Jake, look!
These guys aren't a
threat to anyone.
These guys are a
threat to themselves.
Ow!
Oh, hey, it's what's his face.
No! My men!
Quickly, men!
Pick yourselves up
before the enemy sees!
Come on, now.
That's it.
Easy does it.
Ow.
Bravest warriors, I ask you,
must we have our butts handed
to us by everyone we meet?!
How will we ever splash around
in the brains of our enemies if
you guys can't take two
steps without exploding?!
Bliblob, I'm lookin' at you!
Can I please just get one victory...
once?!
Now, don't start that!
Don't you do it!
You want to just smash 'em all?
What?!
No, man, look, these guys aren't
gonna quit until
they win or die.
And they're not gonna win.
So what if we let 'em win?
Just this once?
What?!
And mess up my stats?!
No, we'd be winning by
helping them to win.
That's a win.
And then they'll be happy
and leave us alone.
All right.
Yesss!
Now let's rally an army so
we can look intimidating!
Who are we gonna call?
All of our friends.
My army of friends, today
we will lose this battle.
But we will also win it!
When the enemy charges,
crumble like a cookie.
When you feel their
puny punches,
fade like a flower and
writhe in your own blood!
But... but... how are we to
bleed if none of this is real?
With faith, Milady.
And ketchup.
Ketchup is delicious
and deceiving!
And, hey, guys, let's
keep the acting subtle.
Less is more!
No way.
First, I'm gonna fall in love
with one of those little guys.
And then I'm gonna
fall out of love.
And then I'm gonna totally fake
die of a fake heart attack!
Oh! My heart!
My heart hurts because
I fell out of love!
And now I have to die!
Ohhhhhhh!
Get ready, y'all.
Together, we fall!
Unh!
Not yet, Cinnamon Bun!
Yaah!
Whoa!
Oh, no! My bloooood!
Whooooa!
Hey!
One last kiss before
dying, my love.
Farewell forever!
Oh! Oh, my heart!
Aah!
I'm dead!
Victory is ours!
Finally...
I can do the victory dance!
♪ La ♪
♪ Lada ♪
♪ La da da la ♪
♪ La da da da da ♪
♪ La la la la-la la ♪
Oh, I'm sorry, everybody!
I couldn't keep it in!
No!
This is ketchup?!
It tastes better than blood.
Or does it?
Hey, Finn, you think blood
tastes better than ketchup'?
Jake, look.
Aw, nuts.
Cute King, wait up!
We want to apologize
for being fakers.
We did it to protect
you from yourselves.
It doesn't matter now.
No one will ever
fear our strength.
But strength isn't
your strength.
Adorable cuteness is!
Can I use it to control others?
Um...
Yeah, sure!
Just be righteous about it.
Show me where to start.
♪ Pbht pbht pbht ♪
♪ Pbht pbht pbht pbht ♪
♪ Pbht pbht pbht pbht
pbht pbht pbht ♪
Huh?
Who could that be?
I command you to
make me a sandwich!
What?!
No one commands the Ice
King to make no sandwich!
What about now?
Okay!
♪ Come along with me ♪
♪ And the butterflies and bees ♪
♪ We can wander
through the forest ♪
♪ And do so as we please ♪
♪ Come along with me ♪
♪ To a cliff under a tree ♪
This party is so crazy!
♪ Come on, grab your friends ♪
♪ We'll go to very
distant lands ♪
♪ With Jake the dog
and Finn the human ♪
♪ The fun will never end ♪
♪ It's Adventure Time ♪
Yeah!
What's for b-fast, Jake?
Everything burrito.
I love you, everything burrito.
Aw, man.
I think someone wants to
eat Everything Burrito.
I won't let them get you, baby!
Jake, come on!
Get ready!
Ready!
Yaah!
Peep.
So cute!
Look at their little faces!
We're not cute. We're evil!
And we're here to dominate you!
Get the camera, Jake.
I can't.
I'm paralyzed by the cuteness!
Beemo! Beemo! Beemo!
Beemo!
What? What? What? What?
Beemo, get the camera!
Beemo is camera.
Enough!
Now...
Bow down to me, Cute King,
and my legion of cuties!
Great shot, Beemo!
Since you won't take us
seriously, we will kill you!
Until then, enjoy
your burrito, Jake.
Huh?
My burrito!
It's perfectly fine!
No, Finn.
They probably poisoned it!
Naaaw.
They knew my name.
They knew about the burrito.
Man, you're letting your brain
dial turn your fear volume up.
You'll see.
Those cuties are nothin' but
an afternoon's delight.
Jake? What are you
doing in my bed?
Oh, nothin' much, you
know, just chillin'.
Wait a second.
Are you still messed up
about those little guys?
A little.
Look, man, what do you say
tomorrow morning we go track
those little guys down and find
out just what their deal is?
Sound good, buddy?
Yeah.
Thanks, buddy.
Man, you sound just
like mom sometimes.
Yeah. Good old mom.
She always knew
just what to say.
Yeah.
Good night, brotha.
Good night.
Finn! Finn!
Finn, wake up, man!
Wha?! Huh?
I think someone's in the house.
For real, man!
Shh. Listen.
Uh...
I swear, man.
I really heard something.
Finn!
I heard.
Okay. Who's out there?
What the?!
That's my sword!
What do they want
with my sword, man?
It came from downstairs!
All right. That's it.
Where are you going?
I'm gonna go manhandle
those guys' banandles.
What?
Well, they broke a window,
but I don't see any of 'em.
I guess they left.
Oh, no!
Oh, oh, no!
Jake, what is it?
Oh, no!
It's a dead goat, man!
Its guts are all over the place!
It's all chopped up and
spread around and...
Oh, no, wait.
It's just a blanket.
I think I left it
here this morning.
Jake! Finn!
This is the voice of your mom!
I've come back to tell you
how dumb you always are!
I hate you guys so much!
Oh!
Get him, Jake!
Aah! Aah!
Blauwgh!
Jake, I got him!
He's freakin' out, man!
- What do I do?!
- Shake him!
What?!
Shake him around till he stops!
Okay-
They stopped.
Okay-
Now tell 'em not to
talk about our mom.
How do you even
know about our mom?
We've been watching you.
Learning your weaknesses.
What?! Why?!
For tomorrow morning.
When our army comes
and kills you both.
You think we're so cute,
when actually we're
the opposite of that!
Waah!
Hold him!
Oh, gross!
Well?
Do you believe me now, Finn?
I...
I don't know what
to believe anymore.
Well, that's close enough.
Let's start settin'
up some barricades.
There's got to be
a thousand of em!
Wait. Jake, look!
These guys aren't a
threat to anyone.
These guys are a
threat to themselves.
Ow!
Oh, hey, it's what's his face.
No! My men!
Quickly, men!
Pick yourselves up
before the enemy sees!
Come on, now.
That's it.
Easy does it.
Ow.
Bravest warriors, I ask you,
must we have our butts handed
to us by everyone we meet?!
How will we ever splash around
in the brains of our enemies if
you guys can't take two
steps without exploding?!
Bliblob, I'm lookin' at you!
Can I please just get one victory...
once?!
Now, don't start that!
Don't you do it!
You want to just smash 'em all?
What?!
No, man, look, these guys aren't
gonna quit until
they win or die.
And they're not gonna win.
So what if we let 'em win?
Just this once?
What?!
And mess up my stats?!
No, we'd be winning by
helping them to win.
That's a win.
And then they'll be happy
and leave us alone.
All right.
Yesss!
Now let's rally an army so
we can look intimidating!
Who are we gonna call?
All of our friends.
My army of friends, today
we will lose this battle.
But we will also win it!
When the enemy charges,
crumble like a cookie.
When you feel their
puny punches,
fade like a flower and
writhe in your own blood!
But... but... how are we to
bleed if none of this is real?
With faith, Milady.
And ketchup.
Ketchup is delicious
and deceiving!
And, hey, guys, let's
keep the acting subtle.
Less is more!
No way.
First, I'm gonna fall in love
with one of those little guys.
And then I'm gonna
fall out of love.
And then I'm gonna totally fake
die of a fake heart attack!
Oh! My heart!
My heart hurts because
I fell out of love!
And now I have to die!
Ohhhhhhh!
Get ready, y'all.
Together, we fall!
Unh!
Not yet, Cinnamon Bun!
Yaah!
Whoa!
Oh, no! My bloooood!
Whooooa!
Hey!
One last kiss before
dying, my love.
Farewell forever!
Oh! Oh, my heart!
Aah!
I'm dead!
Victory is ours!
Finally...
I can do the victory dance!
♪ La ♪
♪ Lada ♪
♪ La da da la ♪
♪ La da da da da ♪
♪ La la la la-la la ♪
Oh, I'm sorry, everybody!
I couldn't keep it in!
No!
This is ketchup?!
It tastes better than blood.
Or does it?
Hey, Finn, you think blood
tastes better than ketchup'?
Jake, look.
Aw, nuts.
Cute King, wait up!
We want to apologize
for being fakers.
We did it to protect
you from yourselves.
It doesn't matter now.
No one will ever
fear our strength.
But strength isn't
your strength.
Adorable cuteness is!
Can I use it to control others?
Um...
Yeah, sure!
Just be righteous about it.
Show me where to start.
♪ Pbht pbht pbht ♪
♪ Pbht pbht pbht pbht ♪
♪ Pbht pbht pbht pbht
pbht pbht pbht ♪
Huh?
Who could that be?
I command you to
make me a sandwich!
What?!
No one commands the Ice
King to make no sandwich!
What about now?
Okay!
♪ Come along with me ♪
♪ And the butterflies and bees ♪
♪ We can wander
through the forest ♪
♪ And do so as we please ♪
♪ Come along with me ♪
♪ To a cliff under a tree ♪
This party is so crazy!