Adventure Time (2010–2018): Season 1, Episode 22 - Henchman - full transcript
Marceline the Vampire Queen tricks Finn into swearing allegiance to her.
[ mouse squeaks ]
[ penguins wenk ]
[ all cheering ]
[ screeches ]
♪ Adventure Time ♪
♪ Come on, grab your friends ♪
♪ We'll go to very distant lands ♪
♪ with Jake the dog
and Finn the human ♪
♪ the fun will never end ♪
♪ lt's Adventure Time ♪
FINN:
[ laughing ]
Here I go!
- Yeah!
Whoo-hoo!
[ both laugh ]
Hmm...
Awesome!
[ both laugh ]
[ crying ]
Someone needs our help!
[ spits ]
MARCELlNE:
What is it about "Henchman for Life" that you don't understand?
[ crying ]
Oh, come on!
Dude, it's Marceline, the Vampire Queen.
Huh?!
Can't you find the compassion
to release this poor old body?
"Henchman for Life" means
"Henchman for Life"!
You still petrified of vampires?
No.
l'm not.
Fall on the ground for me!
Yes, Mistress.
Unh!
Now cry for me.
Okay.
l don't want to cry,
but l shall cry for you.
[ crying ]
Hey! Cut that out!
Oh, if it isn't my favorite little
goody two shoes Finn.
Stop making this poor old dude cry!
l can make him do whatever l want.
Watch.
Henchman, amuse me.
[ grunting ]
Stop it!
Now hop around in a circle.
Hup hup hup.
Waah! Aah!
Oh, no.
Don't worry, sir.
l'll see to it you get set free!
Oh, and how you gonna pull that off, hero?
l'll do what I need to.
l'll even take his place.
Dude, what?
Do you mean it?
Uh, well...
[ groans ]
Heck yeah!
Deal! Old henchman, you are free.
Whoo-hoo!
What are you doing, man?
MARCELlNE:
Hey, Jake.
Eep!
l couldn't watch that old man suffer, Jake.
My code of honor wouldn't allow it.
MARCELlNE:
[ laughing ]
"Oh, my code of honor wouldn't allow it."
[ laughing ]
Grrr!
Hey!
Yes, Jake?
What would you like to talk about?!
Aah!
l want to help you out of this, man,
but she scares the filling
out of my doughnut.
Let's just leave.
l can't.
As a hero, l'm bound by my wo-o-o-o-o-o-o-rd!
Finn!
[ laughs evilly ]
Don't worry, dude!
l'll figure something out!
You're lucky, Finn.
Your firstjob as henchman
is to help me feed.
[ gasps ]
Feed?
What does she mean?
Like -- l-like oats?
Like sentient beings or oats?
lt doesn't matter.
l can handle it.
[ speaking indistinctly ]
[ piano playing ]
Sounds like dinner.
Finn, open the door.
[ grunting ]
Open it already!
No way, Marceline!
l'm not gonna open this door if
innocent people will be hurt!
Aren't you bound by your
word to do as l say, hero?
l...
[ sighs ]
Yes.
[ door opens ]
Huh?
Sorry about this.
Aah!
Hold him down.
[ sighs ]
MARCELlNE:
Are you enjoying this, Finn?
No!
[ laughing ]
Grrr!
Don't you worry, Finn.
l'll get you out of there.
l've got a perfect plan.
[ laughs evilly ]
[ gasps, hisses ]
- Aah!
l'm not running away, Finn!
This is just part of my plan!
Please, human boy, let me go.
l'm sorry, sir.
l'm bound by my Code of Honor
to do what she says.
l understand, son.
l was married myself once.
Wait, wait!
l'm not married to --
Ohh! Enough talking!
Dinner is served!
[ hiss! ]
No!
Grr!
No!
How dare you, henchman.
l order you to let me feed!
Aah!
Unh!
Aah!
[ laughs ]
[ hiss! ]
Uh...Uh...
Blah!
Aah!
Nooooooo!
[ slurps ]
Mmm.
That red bow tie was delicious.
Ohh, ugh.
Huh?
What's wrong, Finn?
l -- l thought --
l thought you were --
Oh, my.
A white tie!
Thank you so much.
This is so beautiful.
Ahh.
But -- but --
What?
You know I eat the color red sometimes.
Oh, yeah.
Okay.
We've got plenty more evil to do!
[ laughs evilly ]
[ thinking ]
Man, wha--
what's wrong with this girl?
l -- l can't tell if she's messing
with me or -- or what.
Hey, Finn, you thinking about
how that guy's bow tie
sort of looked like a bra?
Huh? No!
l know this place seems a
little dead...
But don't worry.
lt'll soon be...un-dead.
[ shuddered breathing ]
Corpses buried in mud that's black,
from death, I command you, to come back!
[ rumbling ]
[ skeletons moaning ]
How are you?
What's happening?
[ moaning continues ]
[ laughs evilly ]
Are you ready to lead an
evil army of the undead?
Never!
[ moans ]
Okay! I'll do it!
[ laughing ]
Don't worry, dude.
l'm coming to help you.
Yaaaaaaaaah!
Huh? What's that noise?
Aaaah!
Sorry, Finn.
[ skeletons moaning ]
Excited to hear the wild
screams of an entire castle?
[ chuckles nervously ]
Oh, yeah.
That sounds bombastic, honey.
Hey, I'm gonna run up ahead
and scout it out for you, sugar.
[ chuckles nervously ]
[ laughs ]
Ye-e-e-e-e-s?
Duke and
Duchess of Nuts residence.
My boss is gonna sack your castle!
Oh! Well, that's certainly bad news for us.
Lisby! Who is at the door?
Someone who wishes to sack the nut castle.
Why would you want to sack my nut castle
on my second son's 1st birthday?
Seize him!
No!
[ skeletons moaning ]
Listen! You hear that?
My Master is marching here
with her army of the undead!
Oh! How wonderful!
Listen to me!
[ skeletons moaning ]
Everybody, run for your lives!
Ha ha ha!
l wrote this next song about a fisherman.
♪ You look so cute sittin' in your boat ♪
♪ l wanna suck out your eyeballs
and rip out your throat ♪
♪ l wanna suck out your eyeballs
and rip out your throat ♪
Don't do this, Marceline!
l beg you!
Don't do what?
You're late, Marceline!
My son has been dyingto
hear your undead music!
Wha?
Oh, l forgot!
Marceline is playing tonight.
[ all cheering ]
[ bass guitar playing ]
Okay. So she makes things seem bad, and then --
or her personality makes them seem bad and...
[ sighs ]
l'm overreacting.
- Hey!
- Huh?
Why are you thinking so hard?
Just party hard.
Whoo-hoo!
[ skeletons groan ]
All right!
Whoo-hoo!
[ laughing ]
MARCELlNE:
Hey, castle crasher!
Hey, Marceline.
You like cute things, right?
Uh, yeah. Sure.
Why?
Then, you might love this.
The cutest dimple plant ever!
Whoa-ho-ho!
That's cool!
Here --
eat some of its fruit.
See what happens.
Okay.
[ chuckles ]
A dimple!
Okay, henchman,
now l need you to do something.
What is it?
l want to you to take this
dimple plant outside and kill it.
What?!
Use my axe-bass.
l'm gonna murder you.
l'm not entirely sure why.
l'm sure this will end happy.
[ gulps ]
Aah!
l don't get it.
There's always a twist to the
stuff Marceline makes me do!
But where's the twist in
bumping off this bush?
There is no twist.
Kill it now!
But what --
[ roaring ]
You should have hacked it to pieces
when it was still adorable.
l thought --
[ roars ]
Whoa!
Hyah!
[ roars ]
Bleh!
Sick!
Whoa!
Oh, boy.
Waaaaah!
[ roars ]
Hyah!
[ panting ]
Not bad. For a henchman.
Hmm.
FINN:
Hey, can't the sun, like, destroy you?
Yeah, it hurts.
But l kind of like it.
Reminds me when l'd scrape my
knees up as a kid and
my mom would patch me up.
You know what l'm saying?
Uh, Jake told me I came
out of a cabbage.
[ both laugh ]
Hey, Finn, l need you
to strangle some Pixies!
Yeah, sure.
That sounds good.
Whoa. Why are you being
so casual about that?
Killing pixies is
some hard-core evil.
l'm not falling for your
junk anymore, lady.
You just like saying poop
thatjacks with my brain.
What are you
talking about? l --
[ laughs ]
Dang, man.
l didn't think you'd ever catch on.
[ laughs ]
l knew it!
Hey, what about your old henchman?
Who was that guy?
Oh, just an old diving buddy.
So, ready to go strangle some pixies?
Yeah, man.
l mean wo-man!
Oh, no.
My buddy is totally under her vampire spell!
Die, unholy thing!
Jake?
Ow!
[ hiss! ]
Aah!
Marceline!
l'm stakin' that vampire
and setting you free,
no matter how terrified l am!
She's all right, man!
She's still controlling your mind with evil!
Now back off and let me
vanquish her from existence!
l can't let you do that, Jake.
[ sighs ]
l love you, brother.
Aah!
Oof!
[ groans ]
Jake, listen!
Marceline is not how she seems!
She's a radical dame
who likes to play games.
[ grunting ]
What are you even talking about, dude?
Hyah!
[ groaning ]
Oh, man!
Whoa!
Aah!
Marceline!
Unh!
Aah!
Where is she?
Uh...
l'm free.
Jake, you faced your fear and saved me!
l did?
l did!
Yeah!
♪ l saved my bro from
a scum-sucking vampire ♪
[ laughing ]
ls it cool?
Yup.
Finn, I owe you, big-time.
Changing into a bat and hiding
in your pack was genius.
That's what henchmen are for.
Oh, that reminds me.
You're fired from your henchmanship.
lt's no fun when l can't trick you.
We're still on for pixie-strangling
tomorrow, though, right?
Definitely.
♪ Come along with me ♪
♪ And the butterflies and bees ♪
♪ We can wander through the forest ♪
♪ And do so as we please ♪
♪ Come along with me ♪
♪ To a cliff under a tree ♪
[ penguins wenk ]
[ all cheering ]
[ screeches ]
♪ Adventure Time ♪
♪ Come on, grab your friends ♪
♪ We'll go to very distant lands ♪
♪ with Jake the dog
and Finn the human ♪
♪ the fun will never end ♪
♪ lt's Adventure Time ♪
FINN:
[ laughing ]
Here I go!
- Yeah!
Whoo-hoo!
[ both laugh ]
Hmm...
Awesome!
[ both laugh ]
[ crying ]
Someone needs our help!
[ spits ]
MARCELlNE:
What is it about "Henchman for Life" that you don't understand?
[ crying ]
Oh, come on!
Dude, it's Marceline, the Vampire Queen.
Huh?!
Can't you find the compassion
to release this poor old body?
"Henchman for Life" means
"Henchman for Life"!
You still petrified of vampires?
No.
l'm not.
Fall on the ground for me!
Yes, Mistress.
Unh!
Now cry for me.
Okay.
l don't want to cry,
but l shall cry for you.
[ crying ]
Hey! Cut that out!
Oh, if it isn't my favorite little
goody two shoes Finn.
Stop making this poor old dude cry!
l can make him do whatever l want.
Watch.
Henchman, amuse me.
[ grunting ]
Stop it!
Now hop around in a circle.
Hup hup hup.
Waah! Aah!
Oh, no.
Don't worry, sir.
l'll see to it you get set free!
Oh, and how you gonna pull that off, hero?
l'll do what I need to.
l'll even take his place.
Dude, what?
Do you mean it?
Uh, well...
[ groans ]
Heck yeah!
Deal! Old henchman, you are free.
Whoo-hoo!
What are you doing, man?
MARCELlNE:
Hey, Jake.
Eep!
l couldn't watch that old man suffer, Jake.
My code of honor wouldn't allow it.
MARCELlNE:
[ laughing ]
"Oh, my code of honor wouldn't allow it."
[ laughing ]
Grrr!
Hey!
Yes, Jake?
What would you like to talk about?!
Aah!
l want to help you out of this, man,
but she scares the filling
out of my doughnut.
Let's just leave.
l can't.
As a hero, l'm bound by my wo-o-o-o-o-o-o-rd!
Finn!
[ laughs evilly ]
Don't worry, dude!
l'll figure something out!
You're lucky, Finn.
Your firstjob as henchman
is to help me feed.
[ gasps ]
Feed?
What does she mean?
Like -- l-like oats?
Like sentient beings or oats?
lt doesn't matter.
l can handle it.
[ speaking indistinctly ]
[ piano playing ]
Sounds like dinner.
Finn, open the door.
[ grunting ]
Open it already!
No way, Marceline!
l'm not gonna open this door if
innocent people will be hurt!
Aren't you bound by your
word to do as l say, hero?
l...
[ sighs ]
Yes.
[ door opens ]
Huh?
Sorry about this.
Aah!
Hold him down.
[ sighs ]
MARCELlNE:
Are you enjoying this, Finn?
No!
[ laughing ]
Grrr!
Don't you worry, Finn.
l'll get you out of there.
l've got a perfect plan.
[ laughs evilly ]
[ gasps, hisses ]
- Aah!
l'm not running away, Finn!
This is just part of my plan!
Please, human boy, let me go.
l'm sorry, sir.
l'm bound by my Code of Honor
to do what she says.
l understand, son.
l was married myself once.
Wait, wait!
l'm not married to --
Ohh! Enough talking!
Dinner is served!
[ hiss! ]
No!
Grr!
No!
How dare you, henchman.
l order you to let me feed!
Aah!
Unh!
Aah!
[ laughs ]
[ hiss! ]
Uh...Uh...
Blah!
Aah!
Nooooooo!
[ slurps ]
Mmm.
That red bow tie was delicious.
Ohh, ugh.
Huh?
What's wrong, Finn?
l -- l thought --
l thought you were --
Oh, my.
A white tie!
Thank you so much.
This is so beautiful.
Ahh.
But -- but --
What?
You know I eat the color red sometimes.
Oh, yeah.
Okay.
We've got plenty more evil to do!
[ laughs evilly ]
[ thinking ]
Man, wha--
what's wrong with this girl?
l -- l can't tell if she's messing
with me or -- or what.
Hey, Finn, you thinking about
how that guy's bow tie
sort of looked like a bra?
Huh? No!
l know this place seems a
little dead...
But don't worry.
lt'll soon be...un-dead.
[ shuddered breathing ]
Corpses buried in mud that's black,
from death, I command you, to come back!
[ rumbling ]
[ skeletons moaning ]
How are you?
What's happening?
[ moaning continues ]
[ laughs evilly ]
Are you ready to lead an
evil army of the undead?
Never!
[ moans ]
Okay! I'll do it!
[ laughing ]
Don't worry, dude.
l'm coming to help you.
Yaaaaaaaaah!
Huh? What's that noise?
Aaaah!
Sorry, Finn.
[ skeletons moaning ]
Excited to hear the wild
screams of an entire castle?
[ chuckles nervously ]
Oh, yeah.
That sounds bombastic, honey.
Hey, I'm gonna run up ahead
and scout it out for you, sugar.
[ chuckles nervously ]
[ laughs ]
Ye-e-e-e-e-s?
Duke and
Duchess of Nuts residence.
My boss is gonna sack your castle!
Oh! Well, that's certainly bad news for us.
Lisby! Who is at the door?
Someone who wishes to sack the nut castle.
Why would you want to sack my nut castle
on my second son's 1st birthday?
Seize him!
No!
[ skeletons moaning ]
Listen! You hear that?
My Master is marching here
with her army of the undead!
Oh! How wonderful!
Listen to me!
[ skeletons moaning ]
Everybody, run for your lives!
Ha ha ha!
l wrote this next song about a fisherman.
♪ You look so cute sittin' in your boat ♪
♪ l wanna suck out your eyeballs
and rip out your throat ♪
♪ l wanna suck out your eyeballs
and rip out your throat ♪
Don't do this, Marceline!
l beg you!
Don't do what?
You're late, Marceline!
My son has been dyingto
hear your undead music!
Wha?
Oh, l forgot!
Marceline is playing tonight.
[ all cheering ]
[ bass guitar playing ]
Okay. So she makes things seem bad, and then --
or her personality makes them seem bad and...
[ sighs ]
l'm overreacting.
- Hey!
- Huh?
Why are you thinking so hard?
Just party hard.
Whoo-hoo!
[ skeletons groan ]
All right!
Whoo-hoo!
[ laughing ]
MARCELlNE:
Hey, castle crasher!
Hey, Marceline.
You like cute things, right?
Uh, yeah. Sure.
Why?
Then, you might love this.
The cutest dimple plant ever!
Whoa-ho-ho!
That's cool!
Here --
eat some of its fruit.
See what happens.
Okay.
[ chuckles ]
A dimple!
Okay, henchman,
now l need you to do something.
What is it?
l want to you to take this
dimple plant outside and kill it.
What?!
Use my axe-bass.
l'm gonna murder you.
l'm not entirely sure why.
l'm sure this will end happy.
[ gulps ]
Aah!
l don't get it.
There's always a twist to the
stuff Marceline makes me do!
But where's the twist in
bumping off this bush?
There is no twist.
Kill it now!
But what --
[ roaring ]
You should have hacked it to pieces
when it was still adorable.
l thought --
[ roars ]
Whoa!
Hyah!
[ roars ]
Bleh!
Sick!
Whoa!
Oh, boy.
Waaaaah!
[ roars ]
Hyah!
[ panting ]
Not bad. For a henchman.
Hmm.
FINN:
Hey, can't the sun, like, destroy you?
Yeah, it hurts.
But l kind of like it.
Reminds me when l'd scrape my
knees up as a kid and
my mom would patch me up.
You know what l'm saying?
Uh, Jake told me I came
out of a cabbage.
[ both laugh ]
Hey, Finn, l need you
to strangle some Pixies!
Yeah, sure.
That sounds good.
Whoa. Why are you being
so casual about that?
Killing pixies is
some hard-core evil.
l'm not falling for your
junk anymore, lady.
You just like saying poop
thatjacks with my brain.
What are you
talking about? l --
[ laughs ]
Dang, man.
l didn't think you'd ever catch on.
[ laughs ]
l knew it!
Hey, what about your old henchman?
Who was that guy?
Oh, just an old diving buddy.
So, ready to go strangle some pixies?
Yeah, man.
l mean wo-man!
Oh, no.
My buddy is totally under her vampire spell!
Die, unholy thing!
Jake?
Ow!
[ hiss! ]
Aah!
Marceline!
l'm stakin' that vampire
and setting you free,
no matter how terrified l am!
She's all right, man!
She's still controlling your mind with evil!
Now back off and let me
vanquish her from existence!
l can't let you do that, Jake.
[ sighs ]
l love you, brother.
Aah!
Oof!
[ groans ]
Jake, listen!
Marceline is not how she seems!
She's a radical dame
who likes to play games.
[ grunting ]
What are you even talking about, dude?
Hyah!
[ groaning ]
Oh, man!
Whoa!
Aah!
Marceline!
Unh!
Aah!
Where is she?
Uh...
l'm free.
Jake, you faced your fear and saved me!
l did?
l did!
Yeah!
♪ l saved my bro from
a scum-sucking vampire ♪
[ laughing ]
ls it cool?
Yup.
Finn, I owe you, big-time.
Changing into a bat and hiding
in your pack was genius.
That's what henchmen are for.
Oh, that reminds me.
You're fired from your henchmanship.
lt's no fun when l can't trick you.
We're still on for pixie-strangling
tomorrow, though, right?
Definitely.
♪ Come along with me ♪
♪ And the butterflies and bees ♪
♪ We can wander through the forest ♪
♪ And do so as we please ♪
♪ Come along with me ♪
♪ To a cliff under a tree ♪