Adult Material (2020–…): Season 1, Episode 4 - Deep Fake - full transcript

As Stella fights her corner in court, Jolene is forced to confront her past and goes to extreme lengths to save her family from financial ruin.

Did you choose to do this
on your own free will? Yeah.

Now, put it in her mouth.

Nads, can you see if Caroll's about?

Sorry. No, no, it's not your fault,
love. Are you all right?

Are you all right?
Do you wanna work?

No, no, it's fine,
it happens all the time.

Dave, I'm losing it, mate.

She's fine, she says
it happens all the time.

Did you get it on camera?

Not on close-up. Should I?

If she's OK, obviously.


Hey, babes, do you feel like
going on for half an hour?

I can get you to the hospital
in ten minutes.

If you wanted to stay a bit longer
I can give you another grand for it.


Oh, look... Yeah, yeah, OK.

Yeah? OK.

Makeup, on set.

Jolene gave me earache about it
being her first day, so, eh...

Yeah, I know, I got ya.

Did you tell her about Tom?

Yeah, she's making a meal of it.

Course she is, bloody drama queen.

How was she this morning?
Late. Pissed.

Her arse is sagging.
Oh, it's all saggy, mate.

Get Rich to have a word.
He's never gonna say anything.

You don't bite the minge that feeds.

Hey, turn that off, Nads.
For fuck sake, turn it off.

Told you, nothing happened.


You just watched the same footage
that we did.

I mean, any reasonable viewer's
gonna conclude there was negligence,

that Caroll didn't discharge
the duty of care expected of him.

Yeah, but SHE said she was fine.

Well, if my child insists it's fine
to eat cigarettes for breakfast,

does that mean I should let them?!

You can't submit this anyway,
so it's a waste of time.

We don't know that. I mean, it's
late, but if we seek permission...

You can't submit it, because if
you do, you're gonna destroy her.

If you're scared
about whistleblowing...

That's not what she's scared of,
is it?

You faked your test.

Sorry, what?

During the ID checks, you put your
finger over the STI test, yeah?

What did you have?

Sorry, can we just...?

I mean, it's late, but we can try...
No, I'll tell you.

But you can't submit it, you
have to promise me.

Well, I don't think we can...
Fine. Hayley!

Promise on your kids' lives.

I promise on my kids' lives.

What did you have?

I had gonorrhoea.

It wasn't the bad kind. Oh, it was
the good kind of gonorrhoea, was it?

The kind that's going round
that lowers your blood pressure

and makes your farts
smell like pumpkin spice,

that I shot with you that day?
Yeah, but it was only in my arse.

Oh, that's OK then, isn't it?!

I fucking put my hand
in a blender for you!

I never asked you to!
You acted like a little girl!

You told me you'd
never done any of this before!

Yeah, well, I lied. Why?!

Cos I wanted you to like me.

Sorry, what are we doing here?

Submit it. No, no, no, no, no, no!

You cannot submit that,
you promised!

I lied. And I don't give a shit
if you like me or not.

♪ Look at him politic
Wants to his brains out

♪ He's still conservative
when the blood leaks out

♪ Chapman and Lennon
On the side street talking

♪ Next thing your hear
is a bang spreading over

♪ You love me, you love me
And now you wanna kill me... ♪

Don't you like them? I dunno why you
wore them if you can't walk in them.

Oi! Watch the fucking Choos!

Jolene, why have you chosen this
moment to return to porn?

What? I haven't!

What was he on about?
I don't know. Tell me.

It's nothing, it's silly.

I didn't wanna burden
you with it today.


That is not me!

That is fake! Who's done that?


Oh, Jesus. Don't let it throw you.

Oh, OK!

May it please the court, I appear
on behalf of Mr Caroll Quinn.

It cannot be denied that
Mr Quinn works in an industry

perceived as morally circumspect,

but over a 30-year career he has
conducted himself

with integrity,
propriety, and decency.

The outrageous defamatory claims
made by Miss Burrows,

that Mr Quinn has been guilty of
gross negligence,

and allowed criminal acts
to occur on his sets,

have severely damaged his reputation
and his earning potential.

And they are not only wrong, they
are maliciously, knowingly wrong.

They are nothing more
than the spiteful act

of a damaged, emotional,
angry woman,

with a history of substance abuse,

and a dangerously
incoherent understanding

of the difference
between the real and the fake.

And that, My Lady, is what will be

proved to you beyond doubt
in this court.

You OK? Mm. Feels OK, doesn't it?

I mean, the judge, she seems quite
sympathetic. Yeah, well...yeah.

So, do you show the tape tomorrow?


You did well today, yeah?

You look after yourself tonight.

Get Rich to take Izzy. Have a bath.
Early night. Self care.

Not so much coffee tomorrow, yeah?


See ya.

Oh, hey.

Do you have, like, a pound coin?
The card reader isn't...

Yeah, don't worry about it.

You see how many hits that clip of
us got? Like, 40,000. It's not us.

Those numbers are impressive
though, right?

You know...

..there's a chunk of change
to be made here.

Think about it.

A fake version
gets that much traffic?

The real version,
we'd fucking break the internet.

Are you fucking high right now?

Look, I get it, you think
I'm Darth Vader or whatever,

but I'm not interested
in punishing you.

I just hate leaving
a dollar on the ground

for someone else to pick up, so...

I mean, it's one day's work...

I don't know how to
say it any clearer.

I'm not performing anymore.

If I did, I don't do anal.

And if I did do anal,
I would much rather do it

with Saddam Hussein's pickled dick
than with you.

Can we drop the pissy talk? I'm
actually trying to do you a favour.

If you lose this thing, they are
gonna strip you for parts.

OK, cheers, bye-bye.

This asshole of yours,
how comes it's so special?

Is it gold-plated?
Does it play the piano?

Does it speak German?

If you've come about the slow
cooker, it went this morning.

Actually, I'm here to see Phoebe.

It's the final day of trial
tomorrow. I'd like you to be there.

I think I'm all right, thanks.

Look, I get it.

She's a lot.

And I'm not related to her.

But you know, everything she's done,

she's done it for
you and Izzy and Gabe.

No. This is...

Do you not get it yet?

She likes it.

She always acts like this
is some big sacrifice for us,

it's bullshit, all she
cares about is being fuckable.

It's like literally
her entire personality.

I'm not talking about porn,
I'm talking about the trial.

The whole world wants her
to shut up, and she won't.

Yeah, because she's stubborn,
and she's proud,

but most of all cos she's bearing
witness to something wrong.

Something it would be a
lot easier for her to ignore.

And that's brave. And it's lonely.

And she deserves a lot better than
your lazy, teenage contempt.

Please...come tomorrow.

I'll pay your travel if it helps.

Why are you so bothered?

Cos I don't think she can win this.

And I've only got one thing left

to try to stop it
completely bankrupting her.

And I think she's gonna
hate me for it.

So whatever happens, I really don't
want her going home on her own.

Are you scared, Mum?

No, darling.

♪ I ain't nothing but a hey, hey
Ain't nothing but a... ♪

Ms Burrows?

So, regarding the incident
with Girl X,

you hold that his behaviour
that day on set

was not in line with the
duty of care expected of him,

and he didn't act appropriately once
the prolapse had been witnessed?

Yes. And Girl X
told you specifically

that she'd not had anal sex before?

Well, she was lying, wasn't she?
Why do you think that was?

Cos she's a liar.

Sorry, are we gonna show the tape?

Just cos... But you feel that she
was failed by Mr Quinn? I do, yeah.

Because what happened,
she didn't consent to that,

and it is all on the tape, so...

My Lady, I must object
to this line of questioning.

The evidence shows that Girl X
consented repeatedly.

My Lady, in this country,
you can't consent to acts

that cause bodily harm
upon yourself,

so I put it that even if Girl X
had consented to continue

after the prolapse,
her consent isn't valid,

and Mr Quinn therefore allowed
criminal acts to occur on his set.

It's a relevant line of questioning,
I will allow it. Thank you, My Lady.

Miss Burrows,

can you tell My Lady
how it felt when you found out

that your trusted employer,
your good friend, Mr Quinn,

was planning to work with
a performer called Tom Pain?

A performer that he was aware
had previously raped you?

Sorry, what...? I don't...
How did it feel, Miss Burrows?



I wasn't raped.
But there was an incident in 2010,

where Mr Pain had sex with you
without your consent.

Yes. Yes.

Which, legally, we term rape.

My Lady, this evidence
has not been submitted,

furthermore it is slanderous.

Mr Pain is not on trial here today,

these are allegations of criminality

that cannot be addressed
by this court.

Let me rephrase that.

You told Mr Quinn about an
uncomfortable encounter

with Mr Pain, is that right?


Miss Burrows, you are objecting
to your own counsel? Right. I not allowed to do that?

I would allow it,

but I wouldn't advise it.

Take it back. Withdrawn, whatever.

Nevertheless, Miss Maitland,

I cannot see where
this is taking you.

My Lady, this goes to
the heart of my client's case.

I am attempting to
substantiate the truth

in the allegations of gross
negligence against Mr Quinn.

Well, here we see that Mr Quinn
knew that Mr Pain

was a violent attacker, and
yet he was willing to allow him

to work with other performers,

in a gross negligence of duty
of care to those performers.

The same lack of diligence
that he showed to Girl

X on the day already discussed here.

When you told Mr Quinn about this
encounter, you were upset, yes?

Please, I don't, I don't want...

This won't take long.

You were upset, yes?

Yes. Please stop...

You felt powerless. Overpowered.

In danger, in a man's home,
a man that's stronger than you,

and he's more powerful than you.

And Mr Quinn, he comforted you on
that occasion, what did he say?

You don't remember what he said?

He didn't say, "What a bastard"?

He didn't say, "I'm so sorry
that happened to you"?

My Lady, this is impermissible.

This is an entirely fresh allegation
which has never been raised before.

My Lady,
I am allowed to raise matters

that have come to my attention
since the statements were filed.

Is that what he said, Miss Burrows?

Miss Burrows,
is that what he said? Yes.

So can you kindly address Her
Ladyship, and tell her how it felt,

ten years later, on the day
that you learned Mr Quinn

wasn't only endorsing this man,
working with this man,

he was throwing a party for him,

he was gathering all your friends
and colleagues together,

to raise a glass
to the man who raped you?

I must again object in the strongest
possible terms. This is an ambush.

Miss Maitland, this is scandalous.

Let me rephrase that. How did
you feel when you found out

that the employer you trusted,
and the friend you relied on,

was putting other woman in direct
contact with a person

that you had reason to believe
would physically harm them,

on the basis of your own
experience and victimisation?





No further questions, My Lady.

I must excoriate Miss Maitland on a
wholly improper line of questioning.

For the purpose of the record,
the counsel for defence

made unsubstantiated and scurrilous
allegations against a third party.

Miss Nagle, your witness.


I'm so sorry,
can I just pop to the toilet?

I will rise until 11:30.

I would like to thank Miss Nagle and
Miss Maitland for their assistance,

I will reserve my judgment,

I'll endeavour to provide a written
judgment by the end of next term.

I'll provide my judgment in draft
to counsel in advance of hand-down.

Court rise.

I'm sorry.

They wouldn't let me submit the tape
so late in the day. I tried.

Hayley. Hayley!
You're not gonna win this.

I'm just trying to make sure

you're only gonna lose
one kidney and not two.

Yeah, well, you had no right!

No right!

You don't get to decide what
I call what happened to me!

Because it wasn't rape.

What you did to me in there?
That was rape!

Sas, can I grab you a second?

Uh, so this is kind of awkward,
but SpankLife have got,

like, a really strict STI policy,

and Ramon's been sent this email,

it makes me feel kinda weird,
I'm sure it's gossip, but...

It's not gossip.

Oh. I failed a test six months ago.
I had gonorrhoea, it's been treated,

the test I have today is valid,
I am fine to shoot.

OK, just... I think it's still...

..I think it's probably still a no.


Hey. You gonna text me,
like, when to drop Izz back?

Yeah, erm...

Can I leave her with you a little
bit longer, please? I just, erm...

..I can't do it.

I don't know how to be near them
without harming them.


No worries, you, erm... do what you gotta do.

Can I speak to Gabe?

Yeah, yeah. Gimme a sec.

I don't want to.

Come on. No!

Erm, yeah,
he's just having his bath.

All right, babe.

I'm here to see Mr Sokolov.

Certainly, madam.
Mr Sokolov is now in room 106.

The elevator's to your left.

I apologise.

This is shitty 2009 vintage.

Usual, I drink only 2006.

Thank you!

The boots OK?


I like only these boots.

Lay down, please.

You look at the stars,

then I fuck you in the mouth.

Keep having these dreams about Rich.

Waking up at 4:30 every day, it's
doing my head in. Drinker's dawn.

Come to a meeting if you want.
Leave off, Mum.

You staying for tea?

It's fishcakes.

Meat-free Wednesdays.

She's living here, ain't she?

She's moved out, and I've not
noticed. Is that what's happened?

She's had an offer for next year.

Horticultural college.

Gardening? Permaculture.

She turned it down.

Why? Ask her.

Nan told me about your offer.

Oh, what?

I told her! Why?

Why? Can't afford it, can we?

D'you wanna go?

I wanna live at my nan's
and work in Londis forever.

If you wanna go, you should go.

What about the money?

I'll find the money.

Baby, I can find you the money, OK?

♪ I remember it all very well
looking back

♪ It was the summer I turned 18

♪ We lived in a
one-room rundown shack

♪ On the outskirts
of New Orleans... ♪

Thank you very much. Thank you.

♪ We didn't have money
for food or rent

♪ Several weeks we were hard pressed

♪ Then Mama spent every last penny
we had to buy me a dancin' dress

♪ Mama washed and combed
and curled my hair

♪ And she painted my eyes and lips

♪ And then I stepped into
a satin dancin' dress

♪ That had a split on the side
clean up to my hip

♪ It was red velvet trimming
And it fit me good

♪ Standing back from the looking
glass there stood a woman... ♪

I'm here to see Mr Taylor.

Room 18, top of the stairs,
lift's out of service.

Hey, can I come in?

♪ Here's your one chance
Fancy, don't let me down... ♪

Wow. It's a party.

Yeah. Let me.

D'you mind if I just use
the little girls room?

♪ What else should I be?

♪ All apologies

♪ What else should I say... ♪

♪ Everyone is gay

♪ What else could I write... ♪

♪ I don't have the right

♪ What else should I be... ♪

# All apologies... ♪

♪ In the sun

♪ In the sun I feel as one

♪ In the sun

♪ In the sun... ♪

- Hello?
- Hey, I've got news.


I'm so sorry.

The judge found in their favour.

All right.

I'm sorry, Hayley,
I should have delayed it...

No, it's not your fault.

They've given us a date.

All right. And that's the
cutting room, is it? Yeah.

When's that?

Next week,
but you don't have to come.

No, I wanna be there.

Well, it's Thursday.
I'll email you, yeah?

All right.


♪ Easily amused

♪ Find my nest of salt

♪ Everything's my fault... ♪

♪ I'll take all the blame

♪ Aqua seafoam shame

♪ Sunburn, freezer burn

♪ Choking on the ashes of her enemy

♪ In the sun

♪ In the sun I feel as one

♪ In the sun
In the sun... ♪

♪ Buried

♪ All in all is all we all are

♪ All in all is all we all are... ♪

Hey, Jo, it's me,
Sabelle. Thanks for your email.

Been thinking about you, too, so...

Like, if you wanted to get a coffee,
we should, we should do that.

By the way, did you hear
what happened to Amy?

So, what happened?

I was climbing out
of a bathroom window.

OK, fine, whatever. It's just that
I heard that you were escorting,

and I didn't realise
you were doing that.

It's the same as porn.

It's the same as anything.

You just have to work out what
people want and give it to them.

Most people have already
decided what they want.

Some people...'s really easy, they tell you.

I'm a mum.

Who are you?

Honestly, I look at you,
and I don't know

if you need a cuddle
or an exorcism.

OK, fine.

I just wanted to say this.

What happened to you,
that doesn't just happen.

That is years of abuse.

And maybe it was voluntary,
or maybe it wasn't,

I don't know, or maybe, more likely,
it was somewhere inbetween.

You, just being a person that
somebody else wanted you to be.

Maybe it even happened
in this house, but either way,

I think it's fucked you up
a little bit, love.

And if you want me to
help you with that, I will.

I'll do whatever you want,
to help you with that.

This is your last chance...

..cos after I walk out that door
I never wanna see you again.

And I know that you think you're
fine right now, and maybe you are,

maybe it doesn't even
touch the sides, but... ten years' time
you are gonna wake up,

and you are gonna be so
angry it's not even true.

You would not believe the rage
that is gonna come out of you.

And when that happens... is gonna make you so, so ugly.

Trust me.

Did you see my bag?


Yeah, it's lovely.

Ostrich skin, is it? Yeah.


Oh! You gave me a fright.

Erm, Mike's just mulching.

Mike? Mike?

Er, did you want tea, Hayley?

Eh, there's cake, but I'm not very
pleased with it. Oh, no, thank you.

Your house is, like, so lovely.

Ah, it all needs re-doing!

We're ripping the kitchen out.

Uh, this is Hayley, uh,
Ellie's friend from the salon.

Hello, uh, uh...Mike.

Have we met before?
You're very familiar to me.

Yeah, I get that a lot!

All right? All right.

In the light of everything
Miss Burrows has gone through,

I'm only awarding 60% of costs.

I have a note here that Mr Quinn

does not wish to collect damages,
is that...? That's correct.

We will still be seeking legal fees.

All right.

Then costs are set at £40,000.

My Lady, my client
is currently unemployed.

We will need a long-term
payment plan.

Miss Burrows own a property that
could be sold to finance the costs.

My Lady, that's a family home,
my client has three children...

All of whom live away from home
or with their father.

No, that's temporary.
That's just temporary.

That's correct, isn't it, Counsel?

Miss Burrows' children do not
reside with her. I'm their mum.

I'm their mum!

My recommendation would be for the
defendant to pay within 28 days,

with the ability to apply for an
assessment of her financial means.

D'you wanna get a drink?

Eh, I try not to...

I've knocked it on the head
at the minute, actually, so...


That's... Wow.

Yeah, well, if I'm gonna be
in a room with Tom Pain again

then I wanna be in control.

Hayley, no, that isn't
the only option.

No, no, the other option is
I sell my house,

um, I never go shopping again
not looking for yellow stickers,

and I have a panic attack every time
I have to call a plumber out.

That's insane!

Go back to the coffee shop.
Sell your house. Who gives a shit?

I do!

I love that house.

My kids love that house.

It's just stuff!

When I was Izzy's age,

I never thought I'd get
to live in a house as nice as that.

In what world is it worse
losing your bloody house

than doing that with him?

In mine. In my world.

I've been working my arse off
for you,

trying to get you out of this,
so that you've got choices!

This is a choice!

I really wanna hit you!

Yeah, well, that's because you don't
feel sorry for me anymore, isn't it?

And you can't save me,
and you can't control me,

so you don't know what
to do with me, do you?

So fuck off, go on.

Don't. Don't do that.

I'm not your fucking puppet.

Honestly, I would rather have

Tom Pain's dick up my arse
than your hand.

I think you're lying to yourself.

We're all lying to ourselves,

Who goes to their job
because they like it?

I do.

Well, you're a lucky cow, then,
ain't ya?


One for the road.

It's like kissing Hitler.

Oi! Darling!

Flick your bean for me, yeah?

Oi, mate, why don't
you go buy some flowers,

take yourself for dinner,
and go fuck yourself, yeah?

♪ When I stole a twig
from our little nest

♪ And gave it to a bird
with nothing in her beak... ♪

♪ And twisted around
for a whole fucking week

♪ Why d'ya do it, she said

♪ Why d'ya let that trash... ♪

You know it's considered polite
to ask the gentleman

before you tell the world
he's gonna fuck you?

Is that a yes?

It's not a no.

Where? Here.

I choose the director,
30/70 profit share, my favour.


35/65. Je-sus!


I wonder what could
have changed your mind.

I just hate leaving a dollar on the
ground for someone else to pick up.

Well, you need a lot of dollars,


..I've been doing a lot of thinking,
and, erm...

..oh, God, this is really
hard for me to say, but,

I think...

..I think I'm in love with you.

A little advice for you, sweetheart.

Do not laugh at me.

I'm doing you a huge favour.

Huge. I don't fuck MILFs.
I don't like MILFs.

I don't fuck old, I don't fuck
saggy, I don't fuck stretched out.

So I'm making a lot of concessions
to help you out.

How many fucking kids have you had?

Stop flirting, you.

♪ Shall we meet on the hilltop

♪ Where the two roads meet?

♪ We will form a circle

♪ Hold our hands and chant

♪ Let the great one know

♪ What it is we want

♪ Danger is great joy

♪ Dark is bright as fire... ♪


Come on, madam.

♪ Sister we are waiting

♪ Cover up in shame

♪ Fly fast through the airwaves

♪ Meet with pride and truth... ♪


Oh, I'm so sorry that I'm late.

The traffic was terrible.


Hello, darling.

Jolene, you know Tom?

Yeah. Right, shall we crack on?

I have had a little bit
of a rewrite,

please, if you just, there you go.

OK. And what are we using
for the cream pie, babe?

Uh, icing sugar and water.

Yeah, no, I'm gonna have thrush
for about a month, with that.

There you go, that's pre-mixed.

- Do you consent to light slapping?
- Yes.

- Do you consent to oral sex?
- Yes.

- Do you consent to vaginal sex?
- Yes.

Do you consent to anal sex?


How do you plead, Jolene Dollar?
How do you plead, Jolene Dollar?

How do you plead?

Rrrrr! How do you plead?
How do you plead, Jolene Dollar?

How do you plead?




OK, let's go for one.


OK, so now we're done shooting,

do you have any second thoughts
about us putting out this video?


And, did you do any alcohol
or drugs today

that would have affected
your decision-making?


You know that you could have
left at any time, right?

Yeah, yes.

Did you feel pressured to
answer these questions in a,

like in a way that' please me?

Oh, my God, no, not at all.

OK, good, good.

We put you in your place today,
didn't we?

Oh, absolutely.

Loved it. Had so much fun.
I came loads.

Great. Can I ask, what's your
natural hair colour?


Well, you're beautiful as a redhead.

Thank you.

You made the right decision.

Can I ask you a question?

Is your mum still alive?




Is she...was she strict?

Did she let you get away with stuff
when you was a kid?


I would say Rita never let anyone
get away with anything.

OK, good.

Just cos one day soon,

people are gonna see you,

and you are gonna be shamed.

I mean, you're gonna be
brutally, brutally shamed.

And it's gonna be so hard,

it's gonna make you feel so lonely,

and you are gonna lose, like,

And when that happens,

I honestly hope there
is still a woman in the world

who will give you a kiss
and tell you that you're loved.

I also hope that woman doesn't let
you get away with a fucking thing.

Are we done?


♪ A kiss away
A kiss away

♪ Oh
Love's just a kiss away

♪ Children
Love's just a kiss away

♪ It's just a kiss away
Kiss away

♪ It's just a kiss away
Love's just a kiss away

♪ Love's just a kiss away... ♪

I'm so sorry, Jo.

Are you all right?

Starving. D'you wanna get a pizza?

I'm on the Dukan. It's awful.

Had the steak for breakfast.

Why are you on a diet?
You're a skinny minnie.

We have different standards.

Real women have curves.

Sweetheart, there is
nothing real about your curves.

My arse is real.

Can you eat chicken?

So what's next?

Organic porn. Ethically produced.

The market is still unproven.

Anyone who reads the Guardian and
likes wanking, that's your market.

There's lots of them.

They're very conflicted.



..let me help you.

You know what really pisses me off
about this whole thing?

You all acted like I'd bitten
the hand that feeds me,

like for years and years you've been
doing me a favour, like I need you.

And I ain't needed you since
they invented the selfie stick.

But I stayed with you,
because I loved you,

and I thought you loved me.

I did.

And I do love you.


But sooner or later it is gonna be
better for you to fuck me over

than to take care of me, and that
ain't love, mate, that's economics.

♪ Well, I think I'm going
out of my head...

I'm bored! I'm bored!

It's boring!

Say, yeah, Stella, yeah!


Oh, oh, and... Oh, oh!



She's stole my act!

Hi, baby!


I thought you must be missing him.

I am.

Of course I am, I just...

It's their age. Can't change it.
Just gotta get on with it.

Right, OK, come on, mate,
we talked about this.

Give your mum a hug.

It's OK, he doesn't have to.

Yes, he does.

What you doing?

Just weeding.

Go and see Nana, you two.

D'you remember what I said
to you about Polly,

after what happened to
you when you was asleep?

Yeah. Yeah.

Well, I've been thinking
about it a lot.

Quite a lot, actually, and, erm...

..I was wrong.

And I'm so sorry about that.

I was a baby when I had you, Phoebs.

And what I do now, it isn't real.

I mean, me giving you advice about
sex, right, that's like...'s like Ratatouille giving
Mary Berry advice about cooking.

Ratatouille's a really good cook.

But he isn't real, Phoebs.

He's a cartoon.

I mean, you couldn't have
a real rat in a kitchen,

not in reality, could ya?

It's like a health and safety
nightmare. They piss everywhere,

d'you understand what I'm saying?

What do you want, Hayley?

I want you tell him
what you told me.

OK? You do it kindly,

but you look him in the eye,

and you tell him that it wasn't OK.

Yeah, I don't wanna do that.

OK, well...

..that's fine, too.

I just thought that maybe
you might miss him, or...

But if you do do it...

..the thing you have
to be ready for, darling,

is that even through you think
about it every single day,

he might not even remember it.

Did you do that scene?

I did, love, yeah.

Was it painful?

A bit.

D'you want a tea?

Yeah, I'd love one.

What are you doing?

I was worried about ya.

It's been a hard year, Mum.

I know, love.

Hey, guys, something really
sad happened just now.

I was fucking Jolene Dollar so hard,
I, like, fucked her to death.

D'you know what?
I thought this was gonna be fun,

but actually it's boring.

I'm really, really bored.

The hour is finally upon us!

Are you ready to be bored?!


Oh, you naughty, naughty boy!

You've made a terrible mess.

Oh, but don't worry, cos
Mummy's here to clean it up!

Giddy up, giddy up!
Bored little pony.

I'm bored.

Higher, higher.


We love you, Jolene!

Tim's gone to Tenerife,
so I'm just...covering his callouts.


Shall I take a look?


How long d'you think it will take?

It's hard to say.

How's Keeley?



Yeah, she's, eh...

I dunno, actually.
I've not really...


It's a bit...

Have you got a guarantee for this,
do ya?

Yeah, it's in the, eh, bad drawer.

This fucking thing.

Mm... What about the kids?

Oh, they're at Mum's. Yeah?

No, no, no, leave that on.


It's actually really hard
to get my trousers off.

Yeah, no, take it off.


That's retro.

Yeah, this is just something
I'm trying.




♪ Well, I don't like intrusions

♪ And if I had my way

♪ I'd close the door behind me

♪ And they'd all melt away

♪ I'd open up the book and

♪ Climb right out off this town

♪ If you'd let me... ♪

Subtitles by Red Bee Media