Adam Ruins Everything (2015–…): Season 3, Episode 6 - Adam Ruins a Night Out - full transcript

Okay, 205.

Hey, by the way,
no pressure

if you want to bail
at any point tonight.

I know that
we had other plans.

Emily,
it's totally fine.

We can hang out
and ruin stuff any night.

But it's not every day
that your old college roommate

comes to town,
come on!

Yeah.

It'll be nice
to catch up, I guess.

It's not that
I don't want to see her.



I just...
I don't really know

if we have anything
in common anymore,

you know?

Becks has always been

a lot more...
fun than me.

Oh, yeah, people say that
about me all the time, so.

Like, when she goes out,
she goes out hard.

Although, now that
we're in our thirties,

I'm sure
she's probably...

Emilicious!

Becksalicious!

Is this your friend
you were talking about?

Hi, Becks!
I like how loud you are.

Ha-ha! Thank you!
He's adorable.



Okay, you guys, I'm still
getting ready, so come on in.

I just need
to shave really quick.

I had to skip
this morning,

and I feel like
such a troll person.

Huh! A hundred years ago,
people never shaved that much.

It's a pretty
fascinating history.

Oh, yeah, the history
of shaving is bonkers.

Okay.

So, what is it?

Wait, you...
want to hear about it?

Sure, just talk to me
in the bathroom

while I'm finishing up.

Emily, you wanna
do the honors?

Yeah... Becks,
I'm Emily Axford.

That's Adam Conover.

And this is
"Adam and Emily Ruin Everything."

Closed Captions Provided by
truTV

*ADM RUINS EVERYTHING*
Season 03 Episode 06
Episode Title: "Adam Ruins A Night Out"

Sorry, guys,
I'll just be a few.

I don't wanna scare any children
with these sasquatch legs.

Yep, people definitely get
judgey about women's leg hair.

But the fascinating thing
about shaving is

almost no one did it
regularly at home

until about a hundred years ago.

What the ****, Emily?
Is this some sort of Purge shit?

Oh, no no no,
don't worry.

Me and Adam do this
all the time.

Before the safety razor was
invented in the early 1900s,

shaving with a straight razor
was a dangerous chore.

So, most men either
went to a barber

or didn't shave at all.

No! I can't do it.

I've got a family.

But all that changed

when a man named
King Camp Gillette

invented the first
disposable razor blade.

Here, my good man,

buy one of my safe,
disposable razors.

Shaving your beard
will be such a breeze,

you'll do it every day.

Huh!

Barely cut myself at all.

The razors were
relatively cheap,

but you'd have to keep
re-buying new blades.

Refills cost extra,

and you'll need
a new one every few weeks

for the rest
of your life.

But wait,
there's more.

- There is?
- Oh, yeah.

Gillette's real scam wasn't
getting people hooked

on his replacement products,

it was convincing women
that they had to shave too,

for the first time
in history.

And that story is...

- Super-messed up?
- Heck yeah, it is!

Oh.

Up until 1920, most women
didn't shave at all.

It was so unheard of that,

when a teen girl cut
her legs shaving,

it made national news.

But all that changed
when old King Camp Gillette

and the shaving industry started
thinking about how to expand

to the disposable
razor business.

Of course! Women!

The other half
of the population.

But since most women
don't have beards,

the shaving industry
had to convince women

that they even had body hair
that needed shaving.

So they whipped up some
manipulative advertising.

First ads falsely claimed
that, in Europe,

being hairless
was all the rage.

Shaving your underarms is the
height of sophistication in...

uh, "Franland" and "Spaintugal."

Then, they pushed
the explicit message

that women should be ashamed
of their armpit hair.

But why would women's magazines
let advertisers

say this junk to women?

Because that
was the whole point.

Becks,
this is Rebecca Herzig,

the author of "Plucked:
A History of Hair Removal."

Becks, the reason
that these magazines

didn't have any scruples about
shaming women into shaving

in those days was because that was pretty
much the whole point of the industry:

getting women to buy things.

Millions of women around the
globe trusted these magazines

for advice, especially
as more and more young women

were moving into cities and
living their lives cut off

from their families.

And publishers exploited
that trust,

selling it off
to advertisers

so that they could try
to convince women

that if only they
bought their products

all their problems
would be solved.

And obviously making women think
that there was something wrong

with their arm pit hair
was only the beginning.

As fashion and culture evolved
to let women show more skin,

they were also expected
to shave more skin.

During the silk and nylon
rations of World War II,

going stocking free
was considered patriotic.

So long as you were
also hair free.

If I don't shave my legs,
we'll lose the war.

And when the
bikini was born in 1946,

so was the bikini line.

The only thing worse
than tan lines

is a hair line.

At least that's what
all the boys are saying

at Makeout Beach.

And with the rise of porn
in the '70s,

women started getting pressured
to go all the way bare...

down there.

Well, all right!

You ladies ready for some
inescapable cultural pressure

to conform to what
I think is sexy?

Yeah, no!
We're not gonna show that, so...

And American culture hit peak
hair removal in the year 2000

when an entire episode
of "Sex and the City"

was dedicated to...
the Brazilian wax.

I feel like one of those
freakin' hairless dogs.

It's an esthetic thing.
Everyone goes bare out here.

I'm such an Elizabeth.

Not a character, Adam.

The cultural pressure
to shave is still very real.

The average American woman

spends almost $200 per year
on hair removal.

And here's the kicker...
Women's shaving products

cost more than men's even though
the only thing that's different

is the packaging.

It's called the pink tax.

Seriously?
That's ridiculous. Yup.

But what's even
more ridiculous

is that the marketing strategy
of making women

think they need
to buy things to fix themself

is still being used today!

We see it in beauty products,

diet foods and drinks,
even office supplies.

But the reason shaving,
in particular, really pisses me off

is that most people
expect women to do it.

Gillette and his cronies
convinced everyone

that it's the friggin' end of the
world if a woman has any body hair.

So, even though I think it's a complete
waste of time, I still usually do it.

Fascinating and depressing.
Solid ruin, Em.

- Thank you.
- Yeah, I truly

never thought twice

about shaving before now,

but it really is such
pointless bullshit.

But I already did this one
so I might as well even it out.

Go with my blessing.

Oh, hey, Em.
Are you bringing a purse tonight?

I don't want to carry
one in the club,

but I need
somewhere to put my stuff.

They can't fit
in your pockets?

Oh, a lot of women's clothing
doesn't even have pockets.

And there's a crazy history
behind that too.

Oh, boy!

Em, you ready to dance
our frickin' butts off?

Oh, yeah...

Love how loud it is and all
the strangers touching me.

Emily, will you put
my stuff in your purse?

I don't want it to jingle
jangle while I dance.

Oh, I didn't bring one.

I just stuffed everything
in my bra.

Adam, you have pockets,
you can carry all of our stuff.

Here are my keys,
phone, wallet, bronzer.

- Thank you.
- What about your pockets?

Oh, I don't have any.

I guess it would mess with the
line of the dress or whatever.

Oh, no.
Actually, the real reason

women's clothing doesn't have
practical pockets

is because of centuries
of sexism and classism, and...

Sorry, Adam,
please hold my stuff too.

Eh?!

When pockets first became
popular in the 18th century,

they were fraught
with political symbolism.

And only for men.

As men's fashion trended
away from tights

and more towards
something closer to pants,

two styles emerged:

for the wealthy man,
tight fitting culottes

without practical pockets

because pockets would mean
you weren't rich enough

to pay people
to carry your stuff.

And for the average poor man,

wide legged baggy trousers
with deep pockets

you could keep
all your peasant stuff in.

And as the spirit of equality
swept Europe,

so did the trend
for baggier, pocketier pants.

Fill your pockets with the songs
of angry men...

..and you're keys.

Pockets were in many
ways a revolutionary idea,

but not one deemed appropriate
for women.

You see, people thought it would
make them too independent.

It was considered unladylike
to carry anything larger

than a teeny tiny purse.

M'lady, in this fight
for liberty,

I shall carry everything
you need to function in society.

Some women fought back
in the late 1800s

wearing extremely
baggy pants with pockets

as part of the rational
dress movement.

Stop!

Pocket time!

You can't touch this.

As in my new found sense
of independence.

But men of the era couldn't wrap
their narrow-minded brains

around it,
newspaper editorials at the time

speculated that the pockets
of the new woman

were a weird fetish.

Whatever floats
your boats ladies,

but I think having pockets makes
you some kind of sex freak.

And women have had
to continue to fight

for more practical clothing
throughout history.

In 1954, Christian Dior,
one of fashion's

most influential designers said,
"Men have pockets

to keep things in.
Women, for decoration."

Even today, when women's
clothing has pockets,

the cuts are typically
too tight to be useful.

One study compared
women's and men's pants

across 20 brands and found that
women's pockets

were half the size of men's.

I mean, where would
the pockets even go?

That is so unfair.

Yup. Not having
practical clothing

limits women's ability
to function.

I mean, why can't I look amazeballs
and have a place to put my phone?

Yeah, you know, men's pockets
don't hold everything either.

I got stuffed here.

Well, there's
an answer for that.

A purse!
Perfect!

But, wait,
I'm a guy, is this okay?

It should be, but everyone acts
like having a bag is a girl thing.

Like in that
"Friends" episode.

It's got compartments
for all your stuff:

your wallet, your keys,
you're address book.

Your makeup.

Yeah, stuff like this
gets stuck in guys' heads

and makes us too embarrassed
to deviate from what's

supposed to be "manly."

I've lived in fear that Ross
was gonna yell at me.

But that's stupid.
Ross sucks!

Give ladies pockets!

Let men have purses.

I agree, but less obnoxiously.

All right, time to go.

Oh, what?
Is this about my purse?

No, man.
It's about your personality.

Let's go.

Pshh! Who wants to spend all
night in a crowded club anyways?

I thought we did.

But if you guys
don't wanna dance,

I guess we could grab
a drink somewhere.

I could really use one.

Oh, I know a place that makes
great Shirley Temples.

Whatever you guys want,
first round's on me.

Actually, it'll probably
have to just be one round.

Yeah, I have MMA
in the morning.

Plus, alcohol
is basically poison,

but I can try and forget that
for a night.

Okay...

This night is going great.

Okay.

Hm... do I want to go
to Chez Fancy Pants,

or Jimmy's Down Home Burger's
and Ribs?

Probably neither because
they're both too dang loud!

Have you ever noticed how
freaking deafening

restaurants are these days?

You're not alone.

Both Zagat
and Consumer Reports surveys

have found that excessive noise
is the top complaint diners have

before even service, crowds,
or even screwing up your dang order

by forgetting
your tater tots.

A study by the New York Times
even found that some restaurants

were louder than a G.D.
subway tunnel.

That's so loud that it can cause
hearing damage.

So, why are restaurants
so dang loud?

One guy we can blame
is Chef Mario Francesco Batali.

Yes, that Mario Batali.

The same one who was accused
of sexual assault

and responded with
a cinnamon roll recipe.

Batali, first pumped loud music
into the dining room

at his restaurant Babbo
in the late '90s.

And over the
next two decades this approach

became a sonic standard.

Modern restaurant design has
made the issue even worse.

The stark post industrial
aesthetic of today

leaves us with few of the sound
dampeners restaurants used to rely on.

Tablecloths, carpets, drapes,
and velvet booths

have been replaced by
sonically reflective surfaces

like polished metal,
concrete, and glass.

One study found that louder
music increased

and even sped up
alcohol consumption.

But save it for the club,
not my chicken club.

I mean, why did
you think this was such a good idea?! Huh?

Oh. Oops, sorry.
My bad.

I'm just gonna
go eat take out at home.

I am so sorry about this.
We will have one drink

and then we'll
call it a night.

Uh, I'm actually having
a great time.

Are you not having fun?

Okay!
Shirley Temple for Adam.

And Emily, not to be
cheesy or whatever,

but in honor of our
college years,

I got us
white wine spritzers.

Remember when we used to have
like ten of these in a night?

Oh, man, I...

definitely don't.

Cheers!

Adam, are you sure you
don't want a real drink?

Can't ruin wine.

A glass a day is good
for your heart or whatever.

No, thanks.
I'm good with my Shirley T.

And actually,
the alcohol industry

just wants you to think that
moderate drinking is healthy

to distract you from the
indisputable health risks.

Oh, yeah.

No, no, no.
You guys are both wrong.

I read you'll actually die
sooner if you don't drink.

There have been studies.

Yeah, people love
citing that stat.

But the problem is...

it's not true.

The media is constantly
telling us

that non drinkers actually have
higher mortality rates

than moderate drinkers.

Yeah, see, it's right
on the graph.

Well, the problem with studies
that show this result

is they're based
on some very flawed data.

It turns out that
if you take a closer look

at the cohort
of non drinkers,

many of them
are less healthy

for completely
unrelated reasons.

Some simply can't
afford to drink

or pay for health insurance.

Others already suffer
from medical conditions

that prevent them
from drinking.

And some are former drinkers
who've already suffered

the negative health
effects of alcohol abuse.

If the studies had taken this
skewing effect into account,

the graph would
have looked like this

indicating that there
are zero health advantages

to being a moderate drinker.

Seriously?

No, but wait.
Hold up.

It gets wor... worse.

Whoa, Emily,
you're already plastered.

Yeah, bitch!
I barely drink anymore.

Whoo!

Becks, truth is...

drinking is not only
not good for you,

it's actually like super bad
for you healthy times.

What about all the
antioxidants in wine?

Those fight cancer.

Snopes! There is actually
no conclusive evidence

that antioxidants
in wine do anything.

That's true.

But the real reason this myth
is messed up,

is that far
from preventing cancer,

there's actually
considerable evidence

that drinking alcohol
risks causing it.

Alcohol is a Group 1
known carcinogen.

In fact,
the World Health Organization

attributes over half a million
cancer deaths worldwide

to alcohol consumption
every year.

Plus, alcohol is
special extra kind of cancerous...

for ladies! Whoo!
Whoo!

Why are you "whooing?"
This is not a time to "whoo."

Definitely not.

Ooh, I am kind of obnoxious
when I drink.

Becks, look.

Every cancer diagnosis
is different,

but studies show that booze
is a factor in an estimated

15% of breast cancer
cases annually.

That's 6,000
deaths per year.

Yes, thank you.
Please cut me off.

Now, to be clear,

this doesn't mean that avoiding
alcohol prevents cancer,

or that if you've received
a breast cancer diagnosis

your choices are to blame.

The truth is
no type of cancer

can be pegged
to just one behavioral quality.

But there's no denying

that drinking comes
with certain health risks.

So isn't it weird that
we never talk about it?

I mean, we all know
that smoking is bad for us,

but 70%
of Americans

have no idea that alcohol
can cause cancer too.

I sure didn't.
Why doesn't anyone talk about this?

Because Big Booze has spent
decades covering up the data

with their own bad science.

Just like Big Tobacco
used to do for cigarettes.

For instance,
in 1994,

the Distilled Spirits Council
actually hired a scientist

from tobacco powerhouse
Philip Morris

and paid for a study
that disputed the link

between alcohol
and breast cancer.

In fact
m... Big Booze funds

most studies on alcohol.

And not just the ones
that dispute harm.

They also spend
billions on research

that "supposably" shows
"health benefits."

Beers are on me.

And so are the studies that
say they're good for you.

Big Booze is so dedicated
to controlling how we perceive

drinking in the US they've
lobbied against measures

that might
reduce problem drinking

like warning labels
and sales taxes.

Pshh!

Whoo!
Nickel shots!

And don't forget the massive
amounts of money

they spend pouring alcohol
advertising down our throats.

- Cheers!
- And now

Americans are drinking
way more than we used to.

The number of adults
that binge drink

at least once a week could be as
high as 30 million.

Okay, guys. I get that this
is all very important, but...

Oh, my God,
you have to meet my friend.

Becks, this is who
I was telling you about.

Doctor Timothy Naimi,
an epidemiologist

who's worked on alcohol
task forces at the CDC

and the National Institutes
of Health.

Becks,
although alcohol is marketed to us

like it's part
of a healthy lifestyle,

the idea that there's
health benefits

from moderate drinking
is probably crap.

Most people's
"moderate drinking"

actually exceeds the dietary
guideline suggested limits

of no more than one drink
in a day for women,

and no more than
two drinks in a day for men.

That's not to say that people
shouldn't enjoy alcohol at all,

but what we know
is that if you drink,

drinking less is better
for your health.

Well, now it feels like
I don't have a choice.

You're basically like,
"Yeah, go on, keep drinking...

if you're an idiot."

No, Becks,
we're not judging you.

It's fun to do things
that are bad for us

every once in a while.

We just shouldn't pretend
that they're healthy.

Just like how I write in the
margins of books, even though

I know it lowers
their resale value.

But it's just
such a rush!

Drinking has
become so normalized

as part of American culture.

And we feel like, well, as long
as I'm not a "alcoholic"

I can pretty much drink
whatever I want.

The fact is, is that health
professionals agree

that risky drinking exists across
a wide spectrum of consumption.

Only 5% of Americans meet the medical
definition for alcohol dependency,

but it's important to know
that about 30% of Americans

drink in ways that clearly
increase their risk

for a variety
of alcohol related consequences.

And the "shtigma" of alcoholism

makes people less willing
to examine their own

alcohol consumption
and cut back,

because they don't want to think
they have a drinking problem.

Okay, it sorta feels like
you're saying

I have a drinking problem.

Oh, no, no, no.

- So, all I'm saying is...
- Actually, you know what it is?

You don't have an issue
with my drinking,

you have an issue
with me, okay.

Doctor Naimi,
really nice to meet you.

So sorry you got
dragged into this.

Oh, no, Becks. Wait!

Honestly, Emily, if you didn't
want to come out tonight,

why didn't you just say so?

I don't know, I mean,
we were best friends in college.

I kinda had to.

Had to?! Is that supposed
to make me feel better?

I mean, are we even
friends anymore?

Oh, actually,
now that you mention it,

according to this one study
that I read...

Oh, my God!
Stop!

I.. me out.

I wouldn't say totally.

Becks, we owe you
an apology.

You know,
between you and me,

Emily can kind of get carried
away with the ruining.

I learned it
from watching you!

Actually, you've always
sort of been like this, okay?

Except now with snapping
and learning ghosts.

But if I'm being
totally honest,

you've always made me feel like
I'm too dumb for you.

Well, if I'm being
honest-honest,

you've always made me feel
like you're too cool for me.

Becks, if you can handle
one more ruin,

I think the study
Emily mentioned,

might actually help both
of you feel better.

How? By making me realize that
Emily is a big know-it-all

and doesn't want
to be friends with me?

Exactly.

Many studies have shown

that up to half of friendships
aren't reciprocal.

So, maybe you were never
friends to begin with.

I think we were
friends at some point,

but we've definitely
drifted apart.

Well, that's
totally natural too.

According to an
anthropological concept

called Dunbar's Number,
the human brain can only handle

five close relationships.

I guess I didn't
want to admit it,

but we're not friends.

And we haven't
been for awhile.

I mean, I didn't even
want to go to your wedding.

Aw...

I didn't even want
to invite you.

You know, this made me
feel so much better.

Em, see you never.

Adam, we are definitely hanging out again.
You cool as shit.

Whoo!

There we go.
There we go. Yeah.

Well,
looks like we ruined everyone's night.

Including our own.

Yeah, I had a blast.

By the way, you know, eating doesn't
actually sober you up, right?

Ah!

Dang it.
Come on. All right.

You know what?
You can't drive.

I'm putting you
on a bus.

Mmm.
My head feels terrible.

And my stomach...

And my... elbow?

Ugh, I drank way too much
last night.

And what makes me
feel even worse,

is that there's
no way to cure it

because science doesn't really
know why we get hangovers

in the first place.

You might think that your
heinous headache

and needling nausea
are caused by something like

electrolyte imbalance,

but even if your gam-gam swears
by Gatorade,

recent research
hasn't shown any correlation

between hangover symptoms
and electrolyte imbalance.

So maybe it's low blood sugar.

Except no!

Sugar doesn't help cure
a hangover,

so we know it's not that.

And you certainly can't fix your
hangover with hair of the dog.

That's a straight up myth.

Truth is... we don't know
how we get hungover,

because we don't entirely
understand how we get drunk

in the first place.

The most likely theory
is that hangovers

are an inflammatory response
like what happens

when we get an infection.

You can try taking an
anti-inflammatory pain killer

like ibuprofen, but those can
upset your stomach

which is already pretty unhappy.

The only surefire cure
for a hangover

is never drinking
in the first place.

But if you do wind up knee-deep
in tequila sunrises...

Oh, goddamnit, just the name.

All you can do is drink a lotta
water and try to sleep it off.

Which is what
I'm going to do.

Right here.

Can someone
take my mic back?

I don't want everyone
to hear me snoring.

Sync corrections by srjanapala

Eh, who cares?