Adam Ruins Everything (2015–…): Season 1, Episode 3 - Adam Ruins Cars - full transcript

Adam dives into the much-beloved auto industry exposing the surprising truths behind the car dealership monopoly, and the fact that the concept of "jaywalking" was created by auto manufacturers to blame pedestrians for car crashes.

>> (indistinct conversing)

>> Can you give it to me

for 23,050?

>> Oh, Mr. Cordova, I would love

to, but my manager, he would eat

my feet.

But, you know what?

I like you guys, so let me go

talk to him.

(phone ringing)

>> Unbelievable!



(glass breaking)

Do you realize, when the

manufacturer sends me these

cars, I've got to meet a quota?

Let me tell you something--

a person is not a number!

>> Taking weekend? out this

>> Uh-huh.

>> Oh, that'll be nice.

>> Unbelievable!

(glass breaking)

I don't even know how you got--

>> Dad, calm down.

I'm about to get my first car.



>> These people are like

vultures.

I hate dealerships.

>> Me, too. Ha!

And you'll hate them even more

after I tell you the truth

about them.

>> What are you, like, another

car salesman?

You're dressed like one.

>> That is a terrible thing to

say to someone.

Hi, I'm Adam Conover, and this

is "Adam Ruins Everything."

(crackling)

(ding-ding)

(buzzer)

Closed Captions Provided by
truTV

>> Okay, you can't ruin cars.

The car, like, represents

freedom.

>> Hmm, how can they represent

freedom when you have no choice

in where you buy them?

Why is it that if you want a new

car, you have to go to one of

these awful dealerships?

Doesn't that suck?

>> Yes! I hate haggling!

I hate driving from one

dealership to the next

dealership.

I hate dealing with this guy!

>> Hey!

>> So, why do we buy cars

this way?

Like, why does every dealership

only sell one brand of car?

What if every business worked

like that?

>> Welcome to Peterman Clancy,

serving all your Tom Clancy

needs.

>> I'd like "The Hunt for

Red October."

>> Oh, okay.

Well, I can offer you a

ten-chapter package for $20

a month for 36 months.

And would you like to add page

strengthening?

>> Why can't you just go to a

car store and buy whatever brand

of car you want for

a fixed price?

>> Do you have Toyota Camrys?

>> Uh, sedans, Aisle 6, right

next to the Accords.

>> Oh, I do have coupons

for those.

>> And why can't you buy a car

online?

>> Hmm, never mind, it's cheaper

on Amazon.

"Add to Cart."

>> Why isn't that how

we buy cars?

>> (laughs) Because that would

be crazy.

I mean, can you imagine such

a world?

Oh, boy, man, this guy, he sure

is funny.

>> You know, that would

be great.

Why can't I do that?

>> Oh, because these guys got

a law passed to stop you.

Come on.

>> Oh, no, no, no, no, no, no.

Please!

Please don't talk about this!

>> Dealerships aren't owned by

the car makers.

They're separate businesses.

And since the 30s, dealership

associations have pressured

every state into passing

"franchise laws" that give them

a virtual monopoly over new

car sales.

>> That is a beautiful

anti-competitive law, Senator!

We are gonna make so much money

off of this!

>> These laws actually make it

illegal to sell new cars unless

you're a car dealership.

And if you want to become a

dealer... too bad.

It's also illegal to open a new

dealership in another dealer's

territory.

>> You are operating an

unauthorized dealership!

(sirens blaring)

>> It's not actually that

illegal, but you get the idea.

And the law also makes it nearly

impossible for car makers to

shut down dealerships, even when

they suck.

Which means they end up getting

passed from father to son like

family dynasties.

>> This top financing.

>> Great job, son.

Push those leather seats, okay?

>> Since they have no

competition and no oversight,

car dealers are free to force

you to haggle and treat you

like crap.

>> So, it's a lame law.

Let's change it.

>> That'll be tough.

20% of state sales tax revenue

comes from car dealerships,

which means Quint and his

buddies pretty much run

the show.

>> There you are, Senator.

>> (chuckling)

You own me.

(both laughing)

>> And all these middlemen do

is cost you money.

>> I knew it.

>> It's estimated that if car

manufacturers could sell to

consumers directly, every car

would be $1,800 cheaper.

>> Gah!

>> That'll be $1,800 to replace.

>> Uh...

I hate these guys.

>> Yeah, but because of dealer

franchise laws, you can't

avoid them.

If you want a new car, you have

no choice.

>> But, it's the only way to

get around.

I need a car.

>> Yeah, so does everyone.

Isn't it kind of weird that a

product marketed as the epitome

of freedom is totally mandatory?

Hell, your government-issued

I.D. is a driver's license.

Well, mine's a learner's permit.

I have bad depth perception,

so I'm still practicing,

you know?

>> Well, that's the way it is.

Man and car, forever locked

in battle.

>> Yeah, but it didn't

have to be.

Haven't you ever wondered why we

built our transportation system

this way?

>> No.

But... now, I do.

>> Oh, you're a little curious?

>> Yeah.

>> Awesome!

Well, the story begins when--

>> Excuse me, I'm looking for

a sedan.

>> I don't work here!

I have a pocket square!



>> Here's the story of how the

car took over the American

street.

A century ago, the city street

was a public place that was open

to everyone.

It was shared by pedestrians,

horses, and weird old-timey

bicyclists alike, not to mention

streetcars that took people

to work.

>> Now, Teddy, you have a fun

day at the sweatshop.

And remember, always walk in

the street.

It belongs to all of us.

>> But when the car was

invented, people started driving

them at top speed through the

crowded streets, and the results

weren't pretty.

(crashing, screaming)

>> My boy!

He's dead!

>> Oh, dear!

So that's what happens when

one's motor car strikes

a peasant.

>> Naturally, everyone blamed

the new invention for the

carnage.

>> Seventh kid mashed by a metal

death machine this week.

Huh, maybe these things

shouldn't be allowed.

>> Public outcry grew.

>> Extra! Extra!

Innocent boy killed by

automobile!

>> And some cities even

discussed passing laws

against them.

>> We propose that the streets

not be filled with these

high-speed two-ton metal

projectiles.

>> Hear, hear.

We pay our taxes.

>> They're killin' us out there!

>> Well, technically, we're

killing them, Bill.

Ooh!

>> Good point.

We gotta fight this thing.

>> I got it! (snaps fingers)

We'll tell them the streets are

for cars only.

And if a car kills ya, it's your

own fault.

>> And we'll give the folks that

walk in the street a really

humiliating nickname.

>> What about "Irish walkers"?

>> Now, that's pretty cruel,

but we can do better.

(snaps fingers) I got it!

"Jaywalkers"!

>> Ugh, you disgust me!

And I love it.

>> It doesn't mean much to us

now, but back then, "jay" was

a really offensive slur.

It basically meant "dirty

hillbilly," which makes this

really messed up.

Like, what if today we called

them "(bleep) walkers," or

"(bleep) walkers," or even

"(bleep) walkers"?

>> Hey, man, come on, there's

"(a kid on set.s"?

>> Yikes! Sorry.

To publicize their new insult,

the auto industry actually

planted stories in newspapers

blaming pedestrians for

automobile deaths.

(typewriter dings)

>> (gasps)

>> Extra! Extra!

Lame-brained jaywalker flings

himself before a noble

automobile.

>> My boy, a jay?

>> Serves him right, I say.

I hate those good-for-nothing

jays. (spits, spittoon dings)

>> So do we all, sir.

(spits, spittoon dings)

>> Me, too.

I hope my stupid, jay son rots

in hell.

(spits, spittoon dings)

>> Today, jaywalking is a crime,

and, in fact, most of our modern

traffic safety culture descends

from this kind of blame-shifting

propaganda.

Think about it.

A group of private businessmen

coined an offensive slur to

promote their product, and it

worked so well that today, it's

a legal term.

That's like if the trash can

industry convinced us all to

call littering,

"(bleep) dropping."

>> Seriously, dude, do you even

think before you speak?

>> You know, funny, I don't.

As a result of this campaign,

the street went from being a

public place where everyone

was welcome, to a terrifying

off-limits death trap.

(cars speeding by)

>> Stay back, Ethel.

The streets belong to the

machines now.

(tires screeching)

Thank you for granting us

passage, metal majesty.

>> Well, so what?

We needed cars to get around.

>> Actually, we already had a

fast, efficient way to get

around the city-- the streetcar.

At the time, almost every major

city had them, but the

automobile killed them.

A single streetcar can carry

dozens of pedestrians.

But put each of those passengers

in their own car, and they take

up 100 square feet each.

(horns honking)

And that means one thing--

traffic.

Once the roads were gridlocked,

the old, reliable streetcar

became too slow to be effective.

And that was the death of public

transportation in America.

>> Whoa.

>> Once cars were the only way

to get from place to place,

we rebuilt our entire cities

around them.

And that's when things really

took a turn for the worse.

We started bulldozing entire

neighborhoods to build urban

highways, and in some cities,

parking lots now take up a

quarter of all the available

land.

All this space used just to

store cars while they're asleep.

(tires screeching)

>> Uh, this part of the show is

really weird.

>> Parking lots are deserts in

the city.

>> Who's this dude?

>> This "dude" is Professor

Donald Shoup, our foremost

expert on the economics

of parking.

>> Oh, okay.

>> Parking lots don't employ

any people.

They simply provide space

for cars.

We have expensive housing for

people, and free parking

for cars.

We have our priorities the wrong

way around.

And the worst part is, many

cities require far too much

parking, and this blights their

downtowns.

We're killing our own cities.

It's a huge bummer.

>> It is an honor to animate

you, sir. (chuckles)

When we design society so that

it's more comfortable for cars,

we make it less habitable

for humans.

In a city designed around public

transportation, this space would

be full of homes and businesses,

and you could walk from place

to place.

But in most of our cities and

suburbs, everything is so spread

apart that nothing is within

walking distance, giving you no

choice but to drive.

And it didn't have to be

this way.

We could have built walkable

cities based around public

transportation like western

Europe and Japan did.

But we missed that chance, and

now you have to have a car

to get around.

So, write him a check.

>> Yeah! (laughing)

(alarm blaring)

Oh, yeah!

Here it comes!

>> Well, you know, son,

I thought it was gonna be really

cool buying you a new car and

everything, but now I know that

we've been tricked by a bunch of

evil car guys, or whatever.

>> Nah, you know what?

Even knowing all that stuff,

I still love this thing.

Cars are still awesome.

(both screaming)

>> Actually, I haven't even

begun to scratch the surface of

why cars suck.

Stick around.

After this, I'll tell you why

your super safe car actually

makes you less safe.

>> Oh, what's up?

Hey, hey!

>> Hey! Ah!

>> Dude, sweet ride!

>> Paige is gonna freak when

we roll up to her party

in this dope--

>> Death trap?

Oh, no, uh, burden?

How about "infrastructural

tumor"? (chuckles)

>> Who's the hair dude?

>> Oh, greetings.

I'm Adam Conover.

>> Greetings, man, I'm Gavis.

>> I'm Trunt. Greetings.

>> Hey, is he riding with us

tonight?

>> No, no, no!

>> I'd be delighted to.

>> Oh, my God.

>> Aw, man, late night, chillin'

with the boys, right?

Yeah!

You know, I've never done this

before.

>> You'friends before?ut with

>> No, but I have practiced with

dolls at home, so, I think I can

nail this.

Man, just too be we gotta drive

to the party, right? (scoffs)

>> Okay, dude, you know what?

It sounds like you just

hate cars.

You don't even have a driver's

license.

>> I told you, Zack, I have bad

depth perception!

And, yeah, I do just hate cars.

And it is just my opinion.

But my opinion is based on a lot

of statistics, and logic, and

personal experience.

Oh, I hate them so much!

(engine revving)

>> Yo, can we pick up Stef--

>> Cars are great for

long-distance travel, but

they're an objectively terrible

way to get around a city.

>> Hey, whatever.

I love driving mine.

>> Okay, well, do you love

traffic?

Because the average driver

spends one work week a year

stuck in traffic.

>> Duh, we can fix that.

You want less traffic, just

build more roads.

>> Oh, that would be great if

it worked.

But it's the roads that cause

the traffic.

>> (scoffs) Yeah, right!

>> It's a concept called...

Here, check out Gavis's sick

cargo shorts.

His pockets look pretty full,

huh?

>> Oh, yeah, it's my cross

to bear.

>> I don't know, maybe he just

needs more pockets.

>> Great idea!

Let's test it.

(snaps fingers, magic shimmers)

>> Oh, green, sweet!

Aw, man, it's already full.

>> Sorry, dude.

If I see an open space,

I'm gonna fill it.

What can I say?

I'm only human.

>> Thank you for the

demonstration, Trunt.

>> Trunt!

>> Historically, every time

we've built more roads...

(horns honking)

(bulldozers razing)

The amount of traffic has gone

up by an identical amount.

We can't build our way out of

the traffic problem.

Cars equal traffic, period.

(popping)

>> Nice!

>> Plus, cars are inherently

unsafe.

>> Uh, no, only bad drivers get

in car accidents.

I'm fine because I'm a good

driver.

>> Yeah, you and everyone else.

90% of drivers say they're

better than average.

That's impossible.

>> Yep, plus, it's people who

think that they're good drivers

who are actually the worst

drivers.

>> Whoa, really?

>> Shut up, Trunt!

>> 'Cause most accidents are

caused by inattention, and you

pay the least amount of

attention to the road when

you're confident.

Which is also why most accidents

are caused on clear, sunny roads

and to sober drivers.

>> Yeah.

>> I love that you know stuff!

>> Yeah, well, I get that

a lot, too.

>> Okay, well, this car is

super safe.

It's like I'm driving a

spaceship.

I have this super smart

computer--

>> That mostly controls the

air conditioning.

The car itself is still

controlled by a human, an

unreliable and easily distracted

system that--

>> Aah! Oh, crap, oh, crap!

>> Guys, it's okay.

It's just me. (chuckles)

>> What the hell?

>> Ooh, TV magic, ahh.

>> But, he-- you-- you jumped

in front of my car.

>> Actually, you missed

the sign.

This area is a host crossing.

And maybe you missed it because

your car is too safe.

Studies have shown that modern

cars and roads that make us feel

secure cause us to unconsciously

compensate and drive more

dangerously.

And it's a big part of why tens

of thousands of Americans die

on the road every year.

>> Hey, Zack, this guy's making

me feel sad.

>> Ah, what a majestic creature.

(slurping)

>> Okay, but when I'm in this

baby, I'm free.

It's just me and the open road.

>> Yeah, you're free all right.

As long as you keep paying for

insurance, fuel, registration,

and repairs.

So, I hope you have a job while

you're on the open road.

The average car costs $9,000

a year just to own.

Now, maybe you can afford that,

but a lot of people can't.

The average American family

spends 20% of their income on

transportation.

That's more than they spend

on food.

And for the poorest Americans,

it's 32%.

Car ownership is a tremendous

burden on the working poor.

Oh, hey!

There's my friend, Tim Peters!

Yeah, pull over, pull over!

(tires screeching)

Hey, Tim.

>> Hey, Adam, sweet ride.

>> Aw, thanks.

my bros.

Guys, this is Tim Peters.

He is the executive director of

Door of Hope.

Would you tell them a little bit

about what you guys do?

>> Yeah! Hey, guys.

We help homeless families go

from homelessness, to

self-sufficiency, to permanent

housing, and everything

in between.

what your experience with, you

know, automobiles has been?

>> Yeah, transportation is a big

issue with our families.

Car ownership can actually send

them backwards.

>> So, how does a car make you

go backwards?

>> We had one client that was

paying over 80% of her income

on a car.

She thought it was more

important to have a car than

even a home, because if she

ended up homeless, at least she

had a car to sleep in.

And that had been her experience

before coming to Door of Hope.

Families need a car just to get

to work, or to be able to get

around in the city.

But, sometimes, to make a car

payment, they'll sacrifice their

rent payment, or food, or even

the basic essentials for

their children.

>> Wow, thank you for talking to

us about this, Tim.

Uh, hey, do you need a ride or

anything?

>> I think you're full already.

I'll ride the bus.

I'm okay.

(engine revving)

>> That's awful.

>> Yeah, it is.

Transportation is a fundamental

human need.

So, the fact that we built our

entire country so that everyone

in it has to buy and maintain

one of these things just to move

around their own community?

That's a genuine tragedy.

They're monstrously expensive,

you have to deal with a

psychologically manipulative

charlatan just to buy one, and

we are so bad at driving them

that there's an entirely

different predatory industry

based around the fact that we

constantly crash these things

and die.

>> Uh, you-- you're talking

about the insurance industry,

right?

>> Yes, very good, Trunt.

What really kills me about all

of this is the only reason we're

stuck with this clusterfudge is

because we were tricked into

building roads instead of

subways 100 years ago!

The dominance of the car is a

massive cultural mistake.

(door closes)

(distant dog barking)

But, I was gonna tell you how

we can fix everything!

Bros!

(distant dog barking)

(dialing phone)

Hey, Mom.

Can you come pick me up?

It happened again.

(tires screeching)

(door opens)

>> Get in.

Trunt's curious.

>> (whistling)

>> I'll call you back.

>> (whistling)

>> Stick around, because believe

it or not, there is a light at

the end of the tunnel.



>> Whoa, what is that?

That, Trunt, is a subway

station.

>> In Los Angeles?

No way!

>> Yep! And there are more on

the way.

>> Hi, guys!

I'm Seleta Reynolds.

I'm in charge of the Los Angeles

Department of Transportation.

>> This is so weird.

We've been up, like, all night.

>> People say nobody walks in

L.A., but nothing could be

further from the truth.

We have one of the busiest rail

lines in the country, one of the

busiest bus lines in the

country, and more people walking

and biking every day.

We figured out that we have to

plan for people and not

just cars.

(crunching)

>> Is this a mirage?

>> No, it's a public plaza.

This used to be a road, but the

community leaders got together

and decided that they wanted

a place to gather, and created

a true public space.

It turns out, when you make

a great place to walk, it's

really good for local

businesses.

>> Yo, that's counterintuitive

as hell.

But, I like it.

>> So, sometimes, even though

it's controversial, we have to

take space for streets and give

it to people so that everybody

has a great choice for how they

get around.

>> And, look, no city has been

shaped by the car more than

L.A., so if they can make

positive changes here, we can

make them anywhere in America.

>> Okay, but cars are still just

fun to drive.

>> I know they are, Zack.

And they're a great option for

certain kinds of travel.

But, maybe we should be thinking

about cars more like

roller blades.

They're a lot of fun when you're

the only person using them.

But, it would really suck if

that was the only way people

could get to work.

>> So, you're saying I can keep

my car, but I should use public

transportation and support

walkability initiatives.

>> Exactly.

>> Cool.

Can I go?

>> Sure you can, buddy.

Put 'er there, dude!

Put 'er there, Seleta!

>> I gotta get back to work.

Bye, Adam.

>> Put 'er there, Adam.

>> (whistling)

>> Please.

You know, I have to ask-- are

you having a natural or

a cesarean birth?

Because, there are interesting

downsides, in both cases.

(chuckles)

Hmm.

Guess some people just don't

want to learn.

Hmm.

Next time, on

"Adam Ruins Everything..."

Cop shows present forensic

science as infallible, but in

reality, a lot of it isn't

scientific at all.

>> No two fingerprints

are alike.

>> That's never been proven.

>> Aah!

>> The FBI gave flawed testimony

in 90% of the cases they

reviewed.

The only backup we'll need today

is from scholarly sources.