Adam-12 (1968–1975): Season 1, Episode 11 - Log 111: The Boa Constrictor - full transcript

He's got
a pretty fair-sized office.

It's a lot plainer than
you'd think though,

not a lot of pictures
around or anything.

There's a desk at one end and
this round table at the other.

That's where we sat.

(Brinkman)
How many were there?

Seven of us,
all probationers.

(Russo) Hey, Reed? Yeah.

What's the scam? Did he
give you any inside dope?

I'm afraid not.

Well, c'mon, how'd it go?



Let me tell you. I mean, it was
something I wanna tell you.

[all chattering] I guess that
means things weren't all right.

Yeah.

I'm going to the coffee room

Wait a second.
I'll go with you.

Well, you could
give us some idea.

Well, once we got going,
we talked about everything,

overtime, recruiting,
community relations.

But mostly, though,
it was the training program.

You guys better
shake it up.

Right.

Oh, we were with him
for over two hours.

No kidding?

I went right at 9:00 and didn't
get out till after 11:00.



Boy's pretty
revved up, isn't he?

Ah, it's a big deal for him, getting
to meet the Chief face to face.

1-Adam-12.
P.M. watch. Clear.

(female dispatcher)
1 Adam-12, clear.

So then we went in
and we met the Chief.

He's real nice, real friendly.

Yeah, you told us that.

Yeah, I guess I did
at roll call.

That's right.

Looks just like his pictures,
you know.

So you said
about 10 minutes ago.

Yeah.

He's a lot taller
than you expect, though.

Why fight it?

Huh?

Nothin'. Go ahead. Tell me again. I
mightn't have gotten it all the first time

Well, I was a little nervous
at first.

A little nervous? You were
practically a basket case yesterday

just thinking about it.

I guess so.

But I didn't trip or spill
anything or get tongue-tied.

I kinda thought you'd make it.

He does this pretty regularly, you
know, meets with some officers.

He wanted to know what we thought
about the training program

at the Academy now
that we're on the field.

He had to do most
of the talking at first.

Everybody else was uptight,
wouldn't say much except

"Yes, sir"
and "Real great, sir."

Then he came around to me and asked
me what I thought. I spoke right up.

Told him what was on my mind.
Didn't hold back.

What did you say?

I told him it was great.
Just great.

Really laid it
on the line, huh?

Oh, yeah.

You sure
you weren't too blunt?

1-Adam-12, 1-Adam-12, see the woman.
A stolen vehicle report.

7149, Garden View Terrace.

1-Adam-12, roger.

[banging on door]

(Malloy)
Did you call the police?

Isure did.
Come right in.

[clears throat]

And, uh...

Oh, uh, and, uh...

Just throw all those things on
the floor and, uh, sit down.

And here, sit down.

I've been meaning to
get rid of all this stuff,

you know,
but I've been so busy.

You want to tell us
about your car?

Some clown stole my wheels.
That's what happened!

What's your name, Miss?

Jane Agnes Upton.

Uh, T-I-P-T-O-N.

What kind of a car is it?

Ford. About, um, 1958,
somewhere in there.

And I need it back by 6:00
or 6:30 at the very latest.

(Malloy) I'm afraid we can't
guarantee anything like that.

You can't?

Well, when can you
get it back?

We'll do the best we can but it may take
a little time. How did this happen?

Well, I was-- I was coming back here
and I stopped at the liquor store,

it's about two blocks
up the street.

Harley's?

That's the one. And I ducked
in there for some cigarettes

and right back out again.

And, like, two minutes tops,
and my car was gone.

Were the keys in the ignition?

Well, sure. Where else?

(Malloy)
What's the license number?

I don't know.

Well, don't you have it
written down someplace?

What for?

Are you the sole owner?

Yes.

You don't owe any money
on the car, do you?

On that heap?

Nobody in his right mind
would lend me a quarter on it.

Shoot. Nobody in his
right mind would steal it.

Ah, about the car...

See, I-I've got to have my wheels
tonight, because I've got a date

and, like,
I don't know this clown.

I mean, he sounds okay over the
phone and everything, you know,

but I've gotten
some real bombs that way.

If we could just stay
with the report a minute?

Well, I-I'm trying to tell you
w-why I need my car.

Because, like,
if the thing goes sour,

[chuckling] I'm gonna
wanna split, you dig?

Do you have the pink slip?

Mmm, it's in the glove
compartment.

This town is really
full of nuts.

[laughing]

But I don't have
to tell you guys.

Don't you know you're not supposed
to leave the pink slip in the car?

No kidding.

We can probably get some of this
information from your insurance policy.

Oh, yeah.

It's around here somewhere.

Wow.

All I've been coming up with
lately is nuts and squares

like you wouldn't believe.

Do you have a gas credit card?

Uh-huh.

Do you have any of the receipts? I
mean the license would be on them.

Oh, no, man.

I mean, like, I throw 'em out,

you know,
a block or two later.

Well, because, uh,
the guy goes to the trouble

of making 'em out for you

and giving 'em to you, you don't
want to hurt his feelings, do you?

Must be in my lock box.

How long ago
was the car stolen?

Oh, half an hour,
25 minutes ago.

What color is it?

Ivory off toward cream.

White. What body style?

Convertible. I don't know.
What the heck?

I may just take a chance
and go out tonight anyway.

See, I got this guy out of
one of these services.

You know the bit with the computer?
Well, when he called--

If we could stick
with the car. Is it a '58?

Y-Yeah.

Uh, may I use your phone,
Miss Tipton?

Oh, sure. It's in the
kitchen on the wall.

They'll have
to teletype Sacramento.

Yeah and I'll get the D.R.

Were you alone in the car?

Uh-huh.

Um,

I suppose you're married?

No.

You don't look like a nut.

Thanks.

Did you notice anybody hanging around
the outside of the liquor store

when you went in?

Mmm, yeah, a couple of guys.

Were they still there
when you came out?

No, I don't think so.

Can you describe 'em?

[sighs]

I didn't even hardly
look at them.

I mean, they were too young.

Do you dig Shankar?

Afraid not.

Do you surf?

No. Look, if you don't mind--

Would you tell me
what your birth date is?

How about if we just
finish the report, huh?

Well, come on,
it'll only take two seconds.

March 17th.

Oh, Pisces.

You're all hung up.

Now, you know,
this guy, Bert,

that comes out of
the computer thing, you know,

he--he matches up perfectly.

I mean, well, I--I--I checked him
out over the phone, you know,

and we groove
on just about everything.

Science is wonderful.

Oh, yeah, out of sight.

So, look, I'll, uh, stick
around here until about 6:15

so you can call me
when you come up with the car.

It may take a matter of days.

Well, come on,
I told you what it looks like,

a white 1958 Ford.

How many do you
think there are?

Probably quite a few. And
without the license number...

Where do you get
the car serviced?

Down at Jackson and Martin's
Super, Super Service.

Uh, Ernie's the name of
the guy that takes care of me.

He's kind of a nut, you know, but he
does his mechanical thing real great.

Why?

They may have left one of their
service stickers on the door.

It might help us
to identify the car.

Oh, yeah. Groovy.

But, hey, you won't have any trouble identifying it.
Just look in the trunk.

The trunk?

Yeah. Oh, Arthur's in there.

Who?

Arthur, my snake.

Your snake.

Uh-huh.

What kind of snake is it?

A boa constrictor.

I'd better phone in
a supplemental.

That just might be
a good idea.

Uh, Miss Tipton,
how big is Arthur?

He's about eight feet.

Um, and, uh, when you
open the trunk,

would you be a little careful?

You can count on it.

Uh, well, what I mean is
Arthur's shedding see,

and, like,
he's a little irritable.

(female dispatcher) All units.
Additional on a stolen vehicle.

A white 1958 Ford convertible,
license unknown.

There is an eight-foot boa constrictor in the trunk.
Approach with caution.

1-Adam-12. Clear.

1-Adam-12. Clear.

Malloy?

No.

What do you mean, "no?"

No, I don't want to spend the rest
of the watch trying to figure out

why anybody would keep a boa
constrictor as a house pet.

You gotta admit
it's pretty weird.

Ah, it could be worse.
Arthur might've been a cobra.

Malloy, a car with a snake
in it? What goes?

You mean Arthur?

Who's Arthur?

That's his name.
The snake's.

Belongs to a girl
over on Garden View.

What is she,
some kind of squirrel?

Don't be narrow-minded.

She says he's a pet.

Lies up on the mantle
most of the time.

Yeah, kind of
like a conversation piece.

What the heck is she doing
with him in the car?

She was bringing him back
from the veterinarian.

Hey, what if we get lucky and find this car?
What do we do with Arthur?

He's afraid of 'em.

I can't help it.
I don't like 'em.

Call the Department
of Animal Regulation.

Yeah but I mean, while we're
waiting for them to get there.

Oh, you don't have to worry about it. Arthur'll
take care of the whole thing for you.

Pow! One shot,
and it's all over.

You cut it out, will you?

Well, boas aren't poisonous.

No, they're the kind that grab you and
start squeezing and never let go.

She says
she's had him for a while.

Claims he's pretty friendly
most of the time.

You might try talking
nice to him,

tickle him under the chin.

Uh, she did say
that he bit the vet.

Any white Fords we find,
partner,

the trunk is all yours.

Smoke. You smell it?

Yeah.

It's coming from off
over there.

Down there, the third house.

Yeah, I see it.

[tires screeching]

Has anybody called
the Fire Department?

Beats me.

917!

1-Adam-12.
A fire at a two-story...

ls there anybody inside?

I think so, yeah.

Hey! Hey in there!

[police radio chattering]

Hey! Anybody in here?

[coughing]

Malloy!

(Malloy)
Here!

There's another one inside.

[sirens blaring]

Who got us out?

They did.

You're sure
you're all right?

Yeah.

We can take you down
and check you over.

No, I didn't get much smoke.
I didn't either.

They're both hypes,
you know.

I saw the tracks
on their arms.

The other guy was so stoned he
didn't even know he was on fire.

Hey.

I want to thank you.
You saved our lives.

You guys
in the Fire Department,

man, I tell you,
you're the greatest.

Wrong department, friend.
We're the police.

Fuzz! Lousy, stinking fuzz.

Don't give it another thought.

1-Adam-12, requesting want.

D.M.V. on Lincoln,

Nora, Ida 452.

(female dispatcher) 1-Adam-12, roger.
Lincoln, Nora, Ida 452.

The hood's still warm. You know, they
have been known to ditch cars up here.

And the trunk was open.

Arthur was in there.
He could've crawled out.

Yeah.

We better take a look around. If I
remember right, they don't travel far.

[birds chirping]

They like to climb trees.

Drop down on things.

Thanks. ls there anything else
you'd like to tell me?

No, that's all I remember.

[man whistling]

Excuse me, sir,
is this your car?

Yeah.

May I see your driver's
license, please?

I had some stuff to drop off. I
wasn't too sure of the address,

so I just pulled over
and walked back.

Nothing wrong in that,
is there?

No.

(female dispatcher) Registered to
Timothy, E as in Edward, Perry.

2212 South Central,
Culver City.

1-Adam-12, roger.

Thank you very much, Mr. Perry.
We were just checking.

Sorry to bother you,
Mr. Perry. We stopped you

because we're looking for a stolen car
that happens to be the same as yours.

No problem. I understand.

I just realized something
all at once

Yeah?

I don't like snakes much
any more.

(female dispatcher) 1-Adam-12,
1-Adam-12, see the man.

A neighbor dispute.
1616, West Manor Drive.

And if she turns that water on again,
there's going to be real trouble!

That's enough! That's enough!
Now just go on inside.

You called the police?
I sure did.

Well, big deal.

Marjorie, for Pete's sake,
cut it out!

Now just go on inside.

Big deal.

Did you call the police?

Yeah.
What's the problem?

It's been going on about an hour.
His wife and mine.

It's been going on
a lot longer than that.

Let's not
you and me fight, Cliff.

It's been building up
for a couple of weeks.

Did you get Doris inside?

Yeah. She's drying off.

I guess it's all over.

He put a new sprinkler in the back yard.
And Marjorie,

that's my wife, complains
it gets her wash wet.

Well, they've been going
around and around about it.

And this afternoon, I mean
to tell you, it hit the fan.

Doris turned the sprinkler on,
we've been having this dry spell.

Next thing I know, Marjorie comes tearing out
of the house and turns the hose on Doris.

We've been trying
to break it up ever since.

We dragged them inside twice, I mean,
just picked them up and dragged them.

Got everything turned off and the next
thing you know, they're back at it again.

Dames.

Is it pretty well settled now?

Yeah, I think the idea of the
police kinda scared 'em, though.

Yeah, made an impression.

If you have any more problems,
just give us a call.

[Doris screaming]

(Doris)
I can stand here...

(Marjorie) Oh, yeah, well, I can
keep it on as long as you can, too.

[Doris shouting]

Doris!

[yelling]

Can't you keep that stupid wife
of yours inside the house?

I've had about enough
from both of you.

Get off my place!

All right, knock it off.
Cool it.

Lemme see you
do that again.

All right,
c'mon, c'mon.

Bring it on.
I oughta park you. Just one.

I'll book the first one
that throws a punch.

O kay, 0 Kay-

Now, Mr. Rankin, you go
into your house.

I'm telling you right now,
they won't listen to you.

We'll get it
settled somehow.

That's all settled.

You seem to have communicated
pretty well.

No problem.

Would you mind telling me
how you managed that?

Well, first I told them if they didn't
quiet down, I'd have to take 'em in.

Didn't seem to make
any difference.

I'll bet.

Then I told them they'd have their
pictures taken down at the station

exactly the way they looked.
That calmed 'em right down.

I'll have to remember that.

A little elementary
feminine psychology.

Ford convertible.

.55'

He sure swiveled around when he saw us.
Let's have a talk with him.

[birds chirping]

What's the trouble, Officer?

May I see
your license, please?

Sure.

I'd like to take a look at the
registration, too, Mr. Barth.

Oh. Sure thing.

Hey, you know, I'd sure like to
know what this is all about.

Is this your right address?

Uh, darn it, no.

I moved
a couple of months ago.

You know you're supposed to notify
the Department of Motor Vehicles

and have the license changed.

I clean forgot about it.

Does the car belong to you?

No, not exactly, you see,
it's like this.

It's my brother-in-law's,
Adolph Herron,

and, uh, Ade lets me use it.

I'd better run it.

Yeah, he's sure hinky
about something.

(Reed)
1-Adam-12 requesting...

Step out of the car, please.

You know, it's--it's
in here somewhere.

Don't worry, I'll find it.

D.M.V. shows not in file.

Yeah.

What do you think?
Is it the right car?

No telling. But it's got a Jackson and
Martin service sticker on the door.

Only one way
to find out for sure.

Would you open up
the trunk please, Mr. Barth?

What for?

I wanna look inside.

You know, it's just
the usual stuff.

What do you think I've got back
there, a dead body or something,

just 'cause
I can't find the registration?

No.

You've got to have a reason. You can't
just search a man's car without a reason.

We've got one.

A car of this description
has been reported stolen.

According to our information,
there's a snake in the trunk.

A snake! You gotta be kidding!

There's sure no snake in this trunk.
I'd know if there was one, wouldn't I?

What are you guys
trying to pull?

Nothing. I'm giving it
to you straight.

If this is the car we're looking
for, the driver doesn't know

he's carrying a snake. I can't let
you go till we get this settled

one way or the other.

So, let's just make sure about that boa
constructor, Mr. Barth. You got the keys?

I guess you found
what you're fishing for.

No, but it'll do.

Marijuana, about half a pound.

Turn around.

Yeah, man,
we stopped one too.

So did we.

Every old white Ford in town
must've been out tonight.

I tell you, we were sweating
when we went through the trunk.

Shotgun out,
the whole bit.

Oh, yeah.
Nothing.

Guess nobody turned
the right car, after all.

We did.

Yeah, what happened?

You know that call went down about
an hour ago, man screaming?

Yeah.

What it was, a couple of guys working
on a car in a garage, stripping it.

All they had was a work-light.
That's when they found Arthur.

They were both on top of the car
screaming at him when we got there.

And very glad
to see you, I'll bet.

I never felt so well liked
in my life.

What happened to Arthur?

Oh, we found him. We spent the next five
minutes peeling him off each other.

Didn't hurt him though. He sure seemed
glad to get back into that trunk.

Now, we got a bust on possession and
you guys got a couple of car thieves.

Good old Arthur.

You know, he's not so bad,
once you get used to him.