According to Jim (2001–2009): Season 7, Episode 9 - Goodwill Hunting - full transcript
While Cheryl's still in Florida, Jim gets the courage to throw out all the old baby clothes she's saved over the years, only to find out he's not so courageous, after all.
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I THOUGHT WITH CHERYL
BEING OUT OF TOWN,
ALL THIS HOUSEWORK WOULD BE
A PAIN IN MY BACKSIDE,
BUT IF YOU PUT YOUR MIND TO IT,
IT'S NOT THAT BAD.
OKAY, KYLE, WE'RE READY.
SHOULD I BE WORRIED?
OF COURSE NOT.
I'LL BE FINE.
ALL RIGHT. DADDY JUST
NEEDS TO CLEAN THE FLOOR.
AND ONE...
TWO...
THREE.
FLIPPING HIM OVER.
ALL RIGHT.
ALL RIGHT. LET'S SEE.
OH, THERE'S A SPOT THERE.
ANDY, YOU MISSED IT.
ALL RIGHT.
I LIKE BEING A MOP.
GREAT. LET'S GET YOUR HELMET,
AND WE'RE GONNA DO THE STAIRS.
♪♪♪
(playing closing chords
of blues rock tune)
YEAH! YEAH, YEAH, YEAH!
WE ARE SMOKIN', MAN,
SMOKIN'.
WE ARE THE BEST
HARMONICA-KEYBOARD-DRUM COMBO
IN ALL THE STATE.
IMAGINE HOW GOOD WE'D SOUND
IF I DIDN'T HAVE
TONY'S CYMBAL STAND
CRAMMED UP MY CRACK.
COME ON.
YOU KNOW YOU LIKE IT.
(plays rimshot)
OW!
COME ON, JIM. THERE'S NO ROOM
OUT HERE ANYMORE.
YOU SAID YOU WERE GONNA
DO SOMETHING ABOUT THIS.
I DID. I FIRED JOHN
AND CHARLIE AND MADE US A TRIO.
EXCUSE ME.
CAN I GET BY, PLEASE?
GRACIE,
WHAT ARE YOU DOING? EASY.
I CAN'T FIND MY STUPID SOCCER CLEATS.
OH, WHOA, WHOA, WHOA. HOLD ON, PRINCESS.
DO YOU REALLY NEED CLEATS
TO SIT ON THE BENCH? (laughs)
(plays rimshot)
OW! STOP THAT!
(Jim) HERE, HERE, HONEY.
DON'T DO THAT.
LET... LET AN ADULT DO THAT.
YOU SHOULDN'T HANDLE THIS,
HONEY. LET ME GET IT.
LET ME GET IT. IS IT
UP THERE? THAT ONE.
ALL RIGHT.
COME ON OVER HERE, ANDY.
GIVE ME A BOOST.
OH, FINE.
(voice straining) THAT'S IT.
THERE, YOU SEE, GRACIE?
ALL YOU NEED'S...
A LITTLE... FINESSE.
OH, YOU KNOW WHAT?
I THINK I LEFT THEM IN THE CAR.
(grunting)
BUNCH OF CRAP!
AAH.
GET ME OUT OF HERE.
IT'S ALL BABY STUFF.
OH, EXCEPT FOR
THIS COOL GAS MASK.
THAT IS
YOUR SISTER'S BREAST PUMP.
CAN I HAVE IT?
I DON'T KNOW WHY
I'M KEEPING ALL THIS STUFF.
I'M NEVER GONNA
USE IT AGAIN.
I SHOULD
JUST GET RID OF IT.
YEAH, GOOD LUCK WITH THAT.
CHERYL'S SO SENTIMENTAL...
KEEPS EVERYTHING
THE KIDS EVER TOUCHED.
HA! WHAT'S THIS, HUH?
FIRST PIECE OF BEEF JERKY
THEY EVER HAD?
I THINK IT'S
THE KIDS' UMBILICAL CORDS.
(spits)
THIS IS RIDICULOUS.
CHERYL'S BEEN IN FLORIDA
ALL THESE MONTHS.
I SHOULD JUST CLEAN HOUSE.
NO TIME LIKE THE PRESENT.
YOU KNOW WHAT? EVERY MAN
NEEDS A SPACE OF HIS OWN,
AND I'M GONNA CLAIM THIS GARAGE
AS MY OWN. NOW YOU'RE TALKIN'.
YEAH, I'VE BEEN WANTING TO GET
RID OF THIS STUFF FOR YEARS.
IT'S HIGH TIME I STOOD UP
AND DID IT BEHIND HER BACK
LIKE A REAL MAN.
TELL IT, BROTHER.
(man) YEAH, MAN. ALTHOUGH,
UH, TELL HER WHILE I'M NOT HERE,
'CAUSE CHERYL'S
GONNA GO NUTS.
MAYBE. IT'S A LOT EASIER TO ASK
FOR FORGIVENESS THAN PERMISSION.
HEY, THAT SOUNDS LIKE A SONG.
IT KINDA DOES.
THAT KINDA DOES
SOUND LIKE A SONG.
YEAH, YEAH, YEAH.
PERMISSION...
WHAT... WHAT RHYMES WITH
PERMISSION? NOCTURNAL EMISSION.
OH, BABY.
THIS IS GONNA WRITE ITSELF.
OH, YEAH.
ONE, TWO, THREE, FOUR.
(playing blues funk)
THANKS FOR THE DONATION.
YEAH, NO PROBLEM.
BOY, YOUR WIFE IS
ONE UNDERSTANDING LADY
TO LET YOU GET RID
OF ALL THIS STUFF.
LETTING ME?
DO YOU SEE WHAT
THIS BELT IS HOLDING UP?
THE PANTS IN THIS FAMILY,
ALL RIGHT?
I DECIDE WHAT I GET RID OF
AND WHAT I KEEP.
SHE'S OUT OF TOWN, RIGHT?
YEAH.
WELL, I HAVE TO FILL OUT
THIS FORM FOR THE MISSION,
SO YOU CAN WRITE THIS
OFF FOR YOUR TAXES.
NOW, UH, WHAT WOULD
YOU ESTIMATE TO BE
THE VALUE OF THESE CHILD PAJAMAS? OH,
WELL, I DON'T REALLY HAVE ANY RECEIPTS.
OH, IT'S OKAY, SIR.
WE'RE ON THE HONOR SYSTEM HERE.
THAT'S MY FAVORITE SYSTEM.
YEAH, I'D SAY ABOUT,
OH... 1,000 BUCKS.
OH, FOR EVERYTHING?
NO. FOR THE PAJAMAS.
OH. WELL, UH, WHAT ABOUT
THE, UH, CHANGING TABLE?
OH, THAT'S ABOUT
1,000 BUCKS.
AND THE HIGH CHAIR? WELL,
THAT'S, UH, ACTUALLY ABOUT $1,100,
BUT YOU KNOW WHAT?
THIS IS CHARITY.
JUST PUT DOWN $1,000.
HEY, BABY.
DADDY, WHAT ARE YOU DOING?
OH, HONEY, I'M HERE HELPING
THE POOR CHILDREN OF AFRICA.
ACTUALLY THIS IS
FOR THE HOMELESS.
FOR THE HOBOS.
WHAT'S UP?
THAT BLANKET THAT GRANDMA
KNITTED ME WAS OUT HERE.
DID YOU GIVE IT AWAY? NO.
NO. ARE YOU SILLY? COME ON.
I PUT IT UP
IN YOUR BEDROOM.
ONE KNITTED BLANKET,
2,500 BUCKS.
YOU KNOW, SIR,
I'M STARTING TO THINK
THAT YOU'RE TAKING
ADVANTAGE OF THE SYSTEM.
AND I'M STARTING TO THINK
YOU'RE STICKING YOUR NOSE
WHERE IT SHOULDN'T BE.
HERE.
YOU LIKE BEEF JERKY?
THANK YOU.
YOU TAKE CARE
OF THOSE HOBOS.
(singsong voice) HOBO.
ALL HOOKED UP. YOU READY?
(normal voice) ANDY,
I HAVE BEEN WAITING FOR THIS
MY WHOLE LIFE.
(air whooshing)
THEN MAY I WELCOME YOU
TO THE GRAND OPENING
OF CAPTAIN JIM
AND FIRST MATE ANDY'S
"FORGIVENESS IS EASIER
THAN PERMISSION"
TROPICAL SMOKING LOUNGE,
REFUGE AND BINGO PARLOR,
SPONSORED BY THE GOOD PEOPLE
AT GOPHERHOFF BREWING COMPANY.
'CAUSE WHEN
YOU GO FOR BEER...
(both) GOPHERHOFF.
(both laugh)
COOL.
(machine stops pumping)
WOW! HA HA HA!
LOOK AT ALL THIS.
WHAT'S
BOZO THE CLOWN FOR?
OH, I FORGOT TO SAY,
"FITNESS CENTER."
(grunts)
OH.
WHEW, I'M BEAT.
WHO'S UP FOR A GOPHERHOFF?
OH, I HAVE A COUPLE GOPHERHOFFS
RIGHT HERE, SIR.
(laughing)
AHH.
YOU KNOW, ANDY, THIS IS
JUST THE TIP OF THE ICEBERG.
ONCE THE GIRLS
ARE OFF TO COLLEGE
AND KYLE'S LEARNING
HOW TO DRIVE A FORKLIFT,
IT'S GONNA BE LIKE THIS
ALL THE TIME.
DON'T GET ME WRONG, ANDY.
I MEAN, I LOVE THE KIDS,
BUT IN TEN YEARS' TIME,
IT'S GONNA BE SWEET.
IT'LL JUST BE ME, CHERYL
AND PLENTY OF ELBOW ROOM.
WHAT ABOUT ME?
PLEASE. IN TEN YEARS,
YOU'LL BE AN URN ON MY MANTLE.
AN INFLATABLE URN?
SURE.
SWEET.
(Kyle) DAD,
MOM'S ON THE COMPUTER FOR YOU!
WELL, ALL RIGHT.
I GOTTA GO.
I'LL BE BACK IN A SECOND.
(laughs)
(imitates whip cracking)
AAH.
(sighs)
(air whooshing)
(squeaking)
OH. HELLO.
MARCY, IS IT?
MAY I WELCOME YOU
TO CAPTAIN ANDY'S LOVE SHACK?
What's the capital
of... Vermont?
SYRUP CITY.
GIVE ME ANOTHER ONE.
Honey, is Daddy coming soon?
HEY, SON, I GOT IT.
BYE, MOM.
AH, THERE YOU ARE,
MY YOUNG LOVE.
Has Kyle been to school once
since I've been gone?
LOOK,
I DROP HIM OFF EVERY DAY.
WHAT HE DOES AFTER THAT
IS BETWEEN HIM AND THE STATE.
I MISS YOU, BABY.
Aw, I miss you, too,
and I have a surprise for you.
OOH. HOT.
(laughs)
IS IT AS GOOD
AS THE ONE YOU GAVE ME
IN THE AIRPLANE BATHROOM?
Actually, they're related.
OH. GOOD. GOOD. GOOD.
I'm pregnant.
WHAT'S THAT?
Jim, I'm pregnant.
WITH A BABY?
YOU'RE PREGNANT.
Yeah.
ARE YOU SURE?
Pretty sure.
YOU PEE ON A STICK?
About a dozen of 'em.
You know, I got
a doctor's appointment tomorrow
just to be sure,
but trust me, I'm pregnant.
WOW.
So, um... how do you
feel about that?
WHAT?
WHAT, ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
A FOURTH KID?
HOW DO I FEEL? HA!
HOW DO YOU FEEL?
Um, surprised,
but, um...
so, so excited.
I mean, honestly,
I-I-I'm overjoyed.
(laughs)
HA! OVERJOYED?
Yes.
THAT'S THE WORD I'VE
BEEN LOOKING FOR. Oh.
OVERJOYED!
Uh-huh.
Honey, wh-where did you go?
Are you okay?
(exhales deeply)
WHAT'S THAT?
Are you okay?
I'M FINE.
I WAS JUST
EXPERIENCING MY JOY.
Oh. Are you sure
you're happy about this?
(scoffs) COME ON.
(chuckles)
I'M OVERJOYED.
I-I JUST HAVE
ONE QUESTION, HONEY.
ARE YOU SURE
I'M THE FATHER?
Oh, Jim. NO, NO, NO.
NO, NO, NO, BECAUSE...
BECAUSE IF YOU HAPPEN
TO HAVE AN AFFAIR
WITH SOME REALLY RICH GUY,
I'M SURE
WE COULD WORK THAT OUT.
I MEAN,
PROVIDED THAT HE FULFILL
HIS FINANCIAL OBLIGATION
TO THE CHILD.
Honey, look, I-I know
this is gonna be
a financial strain for us,
but we're gonna save
a lot of money 'cause we have
all that baby stuff
in the garage.
(grunting)
Jim?
YES?
MAYBE WE SHOULD GET
SOME NEW STUFF
FOR THIS KID, HUH?
Oh, no, Honey. Why?
I mean, we used the stuff
for all three kids.
You know, sometimes I go out
in the garage
just to look at it.
HEH, ME, TOO.
Get ready for another surprise.
OH, MY DEAR GOD.
DON'T TELL ME THE REAL FATHER
DOESN'T HAVE ANY MONEY.
Oh. (laughs) No.
Dana's coming
to take care of Mom,
so I'm flying home tomorrow
to look at the baby stuff
and start getting ready.
GREAT.
Yes!
WELL, I HOPE TO GOD
WE DON'T GET ROBBED TONIGHT.
OH, I'M SO EXCITED...
ANOTHER BABY.
YOU THINK THIS ONE
WILL LIKE ME?
NO.
ALL RIGHT.
LET'S GET OUR STUFF
AND GET THE HELL OUT OF HERE
BEFORE CHERYL GETS HOME. WAIT.
I THOUGHT IT WAS EASIER TO ASK
FORGIVENESS THAN PERMISSION.
YEAH, WELL, WITH
A SENTIMENTAL PREGNANT WOMAN,
THERE IS NO FORGIVENESS.
THERE'S ONLY SCREAMING,
MOOD SWINGS
AND BOOBS YOU CAN'T TOUCH.
SOUNDS LIKE EVERY DATE
I'VE EVER BEEN ON.
YEAH.
HEY, PHIL! HA HA HA.
HOW YOU DOING?
I'M DOING WELL.
HOW ARE YOU DOING?
NEVER BEEN BETTER.
HA HA HA HA.
HEY, I'M GONNA NEED
THAT STUFF BACK.
OH, YOU MEAN THE BABY STUFF
YOU DONATED TO THE NEEDY?
YEP. TURNS OUT,
I'M THE NEEDY ONE.
UH, I GOT THE RECEIPT
YOU GAVE ME RIGHT HERE.
I DON'T RECALL YOU SAYING
ANYTHING ABOUT NO TAKE BACKS,
SO I THINK THAT'S LEGAL...
SQUARE.
WELL, THE ONLY WAY TO GET YOUR
STUFF BACK IS TO BUY IT. WHAT?
HEY, PHIL. HOW MUCH FOR
THIS SQUIRT GUN? A NICKEL.
SWEET. THAT'S CHEAP.
WE'RE A THRIFT STORE.
EVERYTHING IS CHEAP.
OKAY, FINE.
UH, THEN, UH...
HOW MUCH
FOR THIS CRIB HERE?
$1,000.
WHAT?!
THAT'S WHAT YOU SAID
IT WAS WORTH.
IN FACT, YOU SAID ALL
OF YOUR STUFF WAS WORTH, UH...
$700,000.
YOU GUYS ARE CROOKS!
HEY, PHIL, I'LL GIVE YOU
10 BUCKS FOR THIS DINING TABLE.
SOLD, AND THANK YOU
FOR HELPING THE HOMELESS.
ALL RIGHT. I GET IT.
I GET IT, PHIL.
YOU'RE TRYING TO TEACH ME
A LESSON HERE, AREN'T YA?
I'LL TELL YOU WHAT.
YOU AND I BOTH KNOW THIS IS
ALL WORTH MAYBE 30 BUCKS.
I'LL GIVE YOU $50.
WHAT DOES THAT GET ME?
ABOUT 20,000 SQUIRT GUNS.
COME ON, MAN.
LET ME GUESS...
THE WIFE IS BACK IN TOWN.
ON HER WAY.
GEE, THAT'S TOUGH, TOUGH.
WELL, I'LL TELL YOU WHAT
I MIGHT BE ABLE TO DO.
WHAT WOULD HAPPEN
IF I RENTED YOUR STUFF
BACK TO YOU
FOR THE WEEKEND?
THAT WOULD BE GREAT.
HOW MUCH?
$700,000.
$700,000. YEAH.
(clattering, crash)
(groaning)
OOH, MAN.
WHEW.
(grunts)
SO WHAT DID I TELL YA?
NO PROBLEM, HUH?
DAMN IT. I PAID 10 BUCKS
FOR THIS PIECE OF CRAP TABLE.
2 AVERAGE SIZE GUYS FALL
15 FEET ON TOP OF IT,
AND IT COLLAPSES?
YEAH. WHERE'S
THE CRAFTSMANSHIP, RIGHT?
HEY, HOW DO YOU KNOW
IF YOU HAVE A CONCUSSION?
HOW MANY FINGERS
DO I HAVE UP?
THURSDAY.
YOU KNOW, WHEN MY LIFE
CALMS DOWN A LITTLE BIT,
I'LL TAKE YOU
TO THE EMERGENCY ROOM.
YOU'RE A GOOD FRIEND, BOB.
ALL RIGHT. LET'S GRAB MY STUFF,
LET'S PUT IT IN THIS CRIB,
AND LET'S WHEEL IT
OUT THAT DOOR.
OH, I THINK
THIS DOOR'S LOCKED.
WELL, UNLOCK IT. UH, I
CAN'T. IT'S DEAD-BOLTED.
WELL, HOW THE HELL ARE WE SUPPOSED
TO GET OUTTA HERE? (exhales deeply)
LISTEN, WHY DON'T YOU RUN
INTO IT WITH YOUR HEAD?
WHAT? I ALREADY GOT A CONCUSSION
FALLING THROUGH THE ROOF.
WE DIDN'T
FALL THROUGH A ROOF.
OKAY. I'LL TRY IT.
WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU TWO
DOING IN HERE?
PHIL!
PHIL, YOU'RE FINALLY HERE.
Y-YOU LEFT SO QUICKLY,
YOU LOCKED US IN.
WHY DON'T YOU GUYS SAVE IT
FOR THE COPS, OKAY?
(dialing telephone) PHIL, PHIL, PHIL. WAIT
A MINUTE. LET ME EXPLAIN, ALL RIGHT?
LOOK, W-WHEN I GAVE YOU
ALL THIS STUFF,
I-I DIDN'T THINK
I'D EVER USE IT AGAIN,
BECAUSE I THOUGHT
I WAS DONE HAVING KIDS,
BUT I HEARD TODAY THAT MY WIFE
IS PREGNANT WITH A FOURTH CHILD.
HOW COOL IS THAT?
I'M GONNA BE A DAD AGAIN.
WELL, CONGRATULATIONS.
JUDGES LOVE NEW FATHERS
WHO ROB CHARITIES.
YOU DIDN'T HEAR ME.
FOUR KIDS.
PHIL, FOUR KIDS. THAT'S...
THAT'S FOUR SETS OF BRACES,
THREE COLLEGE EDUCATIONS
AND ONE DECENT FORKLIFT SCHOOL.
LOOK, PAL...
COME ON.
YOU'RE NOT GETTIN' THIS.
I'M A DAD.
I'M GONNA HAVE FOUR KIDS.
I'M OVERJOYED...
AND OVERWHELMED...
AND A BIT OVERSTRESSED.
AND A LITTLE OVERWEIGHT.
SORRY, BRIAN.
ALL RIGHT, LOOK.
SOME FOLKS AROUND HERE
WANT TO EXPAND THE SHELTER,
AND, UM, IT SAID
ON YOUR DONATION FORM
THAT YOU'RE A CONTRACTOR?
YES.
SO IF YOU DO THE CONSTRUCTION
AS A DONATION TO THE MISSION,
WE'LL LET THINGS SLIDE.
AND I'LL GET
ALL MY STUFF BACK?
SURE. UH, BUT YOU HAVE
TO REPAIR THE ROOF.
WHOA. HOW'D THAT HAPPEN?
ALL RIGHT, DEAL.
NOW THIS IS A CHARITY,
SO I CAN WRITE OFF
THE COST OF THE JOB.
ABSOLUTELY.
GREAT...
'CAUSE THIS JOB'S GONNA RUN
ABOUT 700,000 BUCKS.
I WANNA SHOW MOM
MY NEW DRESS.
I WANNA SHOW HER
MY SOCCER TROPHY.
I WANNA SHOW HER
MY NEW TOY FORKLIFT.
UH, BAD NEWS, CHERYL.
HE'S NOT GOOD
AT THE FORKLIFT, EITHER.
(laughs)
HONEY, YOU UNPACKED
ALL THE BABY FURNITURE.
MM-HMM.
I TOOK IT RIGHT OUT
OF THE GARAGE
AND BROUGHT IT RIGHT HERE.
YEAH, IT IS... ANCIENT.
NO. NO. IT'S CLASSIC.
WELL...
I MEAN, LOOK AT THIS.
REMEMBER WHEN KYLE CHIPPED
HIS TOOTH RIGHT THERE... (laughs)
AND RUBY BANGED HER
HEAD RIGHT HERE... OH.
AND GRACIE BROKE HER
NOSE RIGHT HERE? AH.
YEAH, WE SHOULD GET
SOME PADDING ON THIS.
YEAH, WE SHOULD.
IS THAT OUR STROLLER?
YES! REMEMBER I GOT
THAT SPECIAL COMPARTMENT
RIGHT HERE...
FOR ALL THAT COLD BEER
I HAD TO GET THROUGH SECURITY
AT THE GAME AND AT THE MALL?
AND AT THE CHURCH.
YEAH. YEAH.
THERE'S SOME OLD MEMORIES HERE,
ISN'T THERE?
I FORGOT HOW MUCH
I LIKED ALL THIS STUFF.
AW, YOU'RE REALLY EXCITED
ABOUT THIS.
OVERJOYED.
THAT'S GREAT. UM, HONEY,
I-I WANTED TO WAIT
TILL WE WERE ALONE
TO TELL YOU THIS.
YEAH. WHAT?
I WENT TO THE DOCTOR THIS
MORNING... RIGHT, RIGHT, RIGHT.
AND IT'S TWINS.
WHAT'S THAT?
TWINS.
BABIES?
YES, JIM, TWIN BABIES.
HOW COULD THAT BE?
WE ONLY HAD SEX ONCE.
LOOK, HONEY, I-I-I KNOW
THIS IS A LOT TO PROCESS.
NO. NO. NO, I'M FINE.
YEAH?
YEAH. NO PROBLEM AT ALL.
(exhales deeply)
(belches)
FIVE.
YEAH.
FIVE KIDS?
YEAH. DO YOU THINK
WE'RE READY FOR THIS?
NO.
NO?
NO, HONEY, WE ARE NOT READY.
WE ARE NOT READY FOR THIS...
OH.
BUT WE'LL GET THERE.
(sighs)
WE'LL GET THERE.
(chuckles)
(sighs)
WOW. TWINS.
I KNOW. YEP.
I CAN DO TWINS.
YEAH.
SURE, IT'S, UH...
TWICE THE AMOUNT OF DIAPERS,
TWICE THE AMOUNT OF FEEDING,
AND YOUR BOOBS
GET TWICE AS BIG.
THEY WILL,
AND YOU ARE FOUR TIMES
AS FORBIDDEN TO TOUCH THEM.
UGH. DAMN.
(laughs) YOU KNOW,
IT ALSO MEANS TWICE THE LOVE.
YEAH. TWICE THE LAUGHTER...
YEAH.
(sighs) TWICE THE AMOUNT
OF TEETH MARKS.
YEAH. YOU KNOW, UM,
I WAS THINKING
ABOUT THAT... UH-OH.
AND I THINK YOU'RE RIGHT.
OOH. I LOVE IT WHEN I'M RIGHT.
WELL, A-A NEW BABY NEEDS NEW
STUFF. YEAH, I HATE BEING RIGHT.
AND YOU KNOW WHAT?
WE ARE GONNA NEED
TWO OF EVERYTHING.
YEAH, I HATE BEING
TWICE AS RIGHT.
YOU KNOW WHAT, HONEY?
YOU DON'T HAVE TO WORRY,
'CAUSE WE GIVE
ALL THIS TO CHARITY,
AND WE GET
A TAX WRITE-OFF.
YEAH, I MEAN, HOW MUCH DO YOU THINK
ALL THIS IS WORTH? OFF THE TOP OF MY HEAD?
UH-HUH.
700,000 BUCKS.
OH.
(exhales deeply)
YOU OKAY WITH SPENDING
THAT KIND OF MONEY?
NO.
I'M NOT.
BUT I WILL BE.
GOOD...
'CAUSE I ALREADY BOUGHT
EVERYTHING ONLINE.
(inhales deeply)
YOU KNOW,
I-I JUST FIGURED
IT'S EASIER TO ASK
FORGIVENESS THAN PERMISSION.
WELL, THAT'S A SONG.
(laughs)
(sighs) OH, CHERYL.
YEAH.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH.
OH, I LOVE YOU, TOO.
SO IF WE DO IT RIGHT NOW,
THERE'S NO CHANCE
WE'D HAVE TRIPLETS, RIGHT?
(mouths word)
GOOD, 'CAUSE I'M
GONNA GET DRUNK...
(laughs)
AND DRAG YOU UP
TO THAT ROOM.
---
I THOUGHT WITH CHERYL
BEING OUT OF TOWN,
ALL THIS HOUSEWORK WOULD BE
A PAIN IN MY BACKSIDE,
BUT IF YOU PUT YOUR MIND TO IT,
IT'S NOT THAT BAD.
OKAY, KYLE, WE'RE READY.
SHOULD I BE WORRIED?
OF COURSE NOT.
I'LL BE FINE.
ALL RIGHT. DADDY JUST
NEEDS TO CLEAN THE FLOOR.
AND ONE...
TWO...
THREE.
FLIPPING HIM OVER.
ALL RIGHT.
ALL RIGHT. LET'S SEE.
OH, THERE'S A SPOT THERE.
ANDY, YOU MISSED IT.
ALL RIGHT.
I LIKE BEING A MOP.
GREAT. LET'S GET YOUR HELMET,
AND WE'RE GONNA DO THE STAIRS.
♪♪♪
(playing closing chords
of blues rock tune)
YEAH! YEAH, YEAH, YEAH!
WE ARE SMOKIN', MAN,
SMOKIN'.
WE ARE THE BEST
HARMONICA-KEYBOARD-DRUM COMBO
IN ALL THE STATE.
IMAGINE HOW GOOD WE'D SOUND
IF I DIDN'T HAVE
TONY'S CYMBAL STAND
CRAMMED UP MY CRACK.
COME ON.
YOU KNOW YOU LIKE IT.
(plays rimshot)
OW!
COME ON, JIM. THERE'S NO ROOM
OUT HERE ANYMORE.
YOU SAID YOU WERE GONNA
DO SOMETHING ABOUT THIS.
I DID. I FIRED JOHN
AND CHARLIE AND MADE US A TRIO.
EXCUSE ME.
CAN I GET BY, PLEASE?
GRACIE,
WHAT ARE YOU DOING? EASY.
I CAN'T FIND MY STUPID SOCCER CLEATS.
OH, WHOA, WHOA, WHOA. HOLD ON, PRINCESS.
DO YOU REALLY NEED CLEATS
TO SIT ON THE BENCH? (laughs)
(plays rimshot)
OW! STOP THAT!
(Jim) HERE, HERE, HONEY.
DON'T DO THAT.
LET... LET AN ADULT DO THAT.
YOU SHOULDN'T HANDLE THIS,
HONEY. LET ME GET IT.
LET ME GET IT. IS IT
UP THERE? THAT ONE.
ALL RIGHT.
COME ON OVER HERE, ANDY.
GIVE ME A BOOST.
OH, FINE.
(voice straining) THAT'S IT.
THERE, YOU SEE, GRACIE?
ALL YOU NEED'S...
A LITTLE... FINESSE.
OH, YOU KNOW WHAT?
I THINK I LEFT THEM IN THE CAR.
(grunting)
BUNCH OF CRAP!
AAH.
GET ME OUT OF HERE.
IT'S ALL BABY STUFF.
OH, EXCEPT FOR
THIS COOL GAS MASK.
THAT IS
YOUR SISTER'S BREAST PUMP.
CAN I HAVE IT?
I DON'T KNOW WHY
I'M KEEPING ALL THIS STUFF.
I'M NEVER GONNA
USE IT AGAIN.
I SHOULD
JUST GET RID OF IT.
YEAH, GOOD LUCK WITH THAT.
CHERYL'S SO SENTIMENTAL...
KEEPS EVERYTHING
THE KIDS EVER TOUCHED.
HA! WHAT'S THIS, HUH?
FIRST PIECE OF BEEF JERKY
THEY EVER HAD?
I THINK IT'S
THE KIDS' UMBILICAL CORDS.
(spits)
THIS IS RIDICULOUS.
CHERYL'S BEEN IN FLORIDA
ALL THESE MONTHS.
I SHOULD JUST CLEAN HOUSE.
NO TIME LIKE THE PRESENT.
YOU KNOW WHAT? EVERY MAN
NEEDS A SPACE OF HIS OWN,
AND I'M GONNA CLAIM THIS GARAGE
AS MY OWN. NOW YOU'RE TALKIN'.
YEAH, I'VE BEEN WANTING TO GET
RID OF THIS STUFF FOR YEARS.
IT'S HIGH TIME I STOOD UP
AND DID IT BEHIND HER BACK
LIKE A REAL MAN.
TELL IT, BROTHER.
(man) YEAH, MAN. ALTHOUGH,
UH, TELL HER WHILE I'M NOT HERE,
'CAUSE CHERYL'S
GONNA GO NUTS.
MAYBE. IT'S A LOT EASIER TO ASK
FOR FORGIVENESS THAN PERMISSION.
HEY, THAT SOUNDS LIKE A SONG.
IT KINDA DOES.
THAT KINDA DOES
SOUND LIKE A SONG.
YEAH, YEAH, YEAH.
PERMISSION...
WHAT... WHAT RHYMES WITH
PERMISSION? NOCTURNAL EMISSION.
OH, BABY.
THIS IS GONNA WRITE ITSELF.
OH, YEAH.
ONE, TWO, THREE, FOUR.
(playing blues funk)
THANKS FOR THE DONATION.
YEAH, NO PROBLEM.
BOY, YOUR WIFE IS
ONE UNDERSTANDING LADY
TO LET YOU GET RID
OF ALL THIS STUFF.
LETTING ME?
DO YOU SEE WHAT
THIS BELT IS HOLDING UP?
THE PANTS IN THIS FAMILY,
ALL RIGHT?
I DECIDE WHAT I GET RID OF
AND WHAT I KEEP.
SHE'S OUT OF TOWN, RIGHT?
YEAH.
WELL, I HAVE TO FILL OUT
THIS FORM FOR THE MISSION,
SO YOU CAN WRITE THIS
OFF FOR YOUR TAXES.
NOW, UH, WHAT WOULD
YOU ESTIMATE TO BE
THE VALUE OF THESE CHILD PAJAMAS? OH,
WELL, I DON'T REALLY HAVE ANY RECEIPTS.
OH, IT'S OKAY, SIR.
WE'RE ON THE HONOR SYSTEM HERE.
THAT'S MY FAVORITE SYSTEM.
YEAH, I'D SAY ABOUT,
OH... 1,000 BUCKS.
OH, FOR EVERYTHING?
NO. FOR THE PAJAMAS.
OH. WELL, UH, WHAT ABOUT
THE, UH, CHANGING TABLE?
OH, THAT'S ABOUT
1,000 BUCKS.
AND THE HIGH CHAIR? WELL,
THAT'S, UH, ACTUALLY ABOUT $1,100,
BUT YOU KNOW WHAT?
THIS IS CHARITY.
JUST PUT DOWN $1,000.
HEY, BABY.
DADDY, WHAT ARE YOU DOING?
OH, HONEY, I'M HERE HELPING
THE POOR CHILDREN OF AFRICA.
ACTUALLY THIS IS
FOR THE HOMELESS.
FOR THE HOBOS.
WHAT'S UP?
THAT BLANKET THAT GRANDMA
KNITTED ME WAS OUT HERE.
DID YOU GIVE IT AWAY? NO.
NO. ARE YOU SILLY? COME ON.
I PUT IT UP
IN YOUR BEDROOM.
ONE KNITTED BLANKET,
2,500 BUCKS.
YOU KNOW, SIR,
I'M STARTING TO THINK
THAT YOU'RE TAKING
ADVANTAGE OF THE SYSTEM.
AND I'M STARTING TO THINK
YOU'RE STICKING YOUR NOSE
WHERE IT SHOULDN'T BE.
HERE.
YOU LIKE BEEF JERKY?
THANK YOU.
YOU TAKE CARE
OF THOSE HOBOS.
(singsong voice) HOBO.
ALL HOOKED UP. YOU READY?
(normal voice) ANDY,
I HAVE BEEN WAITING FOR THIS
MY WHOLE LIFE.
(air whooshing)
THEN MAY I WELCOME YOU
TO THE GRAND OPENING
OF CAPTAIN JIM
AND FIRST MATE ANDY'S
"FORGIVENESS IS EASIER
THAN PERMISSION"
TROPICAL SMOKING LOUNGE,
REFUGE AND BINGO PARLOR,
SPONSORED BY THE GOOD PEOPLE
AT GOPHERHOFF BREWING COMPANY.
'CAUSE WHEN
YOU GO FOR BEER...
(both) GOPHERHOFF.
(both laugh)
COOL.
(machine stops pumping)
WOW! HA HA HA!
LOOK AT ALL THIS.
WHAT'S
BOZO THE CLOWN FOR?
OH, I FORGOT TO SAY,
"FITNESS CENTER."
(grunts)
OH.
WHEW, I'M BEAT.
WHO'S UP FOR A GOPHERHOFF?
OH, I HAVE A COUPLE GOPHERHOFFS
RIGHT HERE, SIR.
(laughing)
AHH.
YOU KNOW, ANDY, THIS IS
JUST THE TIP OF THE ICEBERG.
ONCE THE GIRLS
ARE OFF TO COLLEGE
AND KYLE'S LEARNING
HOW TO DRIVE A FORKLIFT,
IT'S GONNA BE LIKE THIS
ALL THE TIME.
DON'T GET ME WRONG, ANDY.
I MEAN, I LOVE THE KIDS,
BUT IN TEN YEARS' TIME,
IT'S GONNA BE SWEET.
IT'LL JUST BE ME, CHERYL
AND PLENTY OF ELBOW ROOM.
WHAT ABOUT ME?
PLEASE. IN TEN YEARS,
YOU'LL BE AN URN ON MY MANTLE.
AN INFLATABLE URN?
SURE.
SWEET.
(Kyle) DAD,
MOM'S ON THE COMPUTER FOR YOU!
WELL, ALL RIGHT.
I GOTTA GO.
I'LL BE BACK IN A SECOND.
(laughs)
(imitates whip cracking)
AAH.
(sighs)
(air whooshing)
(squeaking)
OH. HELLO.
MARCY, IS IT?
MAY I WELCOME YOU
TO CAPTAIN ANDY'S LOVE SHACK?
What's the capital
of... Vermont?
SYRUP CITY.
GIVE ME ANOTHER ONE.
Honey, is Daddy coming soon?
HEY, SON, I GOT IT.
BYE, MOM.
AH, THERE YOU ARE,
MY YOUNG LOVE.
Has Kyle been to school once
since I've been gone?
LOOK,
I DROP HIM OFF EVERY DAY.
WHAT HE DOES AFTER THAT
IS BETWEEN HIM AND THE STATE.
I MISS YOU, BABY.
Aw, I miss you, too,
and I have a surprise for you.
OOH. HOT.
(laughs)
IS IT AS GOOD
AS THE ONE YOU GAVE ME
IN THE AIRPLANE BATHROOM?
Actually, they're related.
OH. GOOD. GOOD. GOOD.
I'm pregnant.
WHAT'S THAT?
Jim, I'm pregnant.
WITH A BABY?
YOU'RE PREGNANT.
Yeah.
ARE YOU SURE?
Pretty sure.
YOU PEE ON A STICK?
About a dozen of 'em.
You know, I got
a doctor's appointment tomorrow
just to be sure,
but trust me, I'm pregnant.
WOW.
So, um... how do you
feel about that?
WHAT?
WHAT, ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
A FOURTH KID?
HOW DO I FEEL? HA!
HOW DO YOU FEEL?
Um, surprised,
but, um...
so, so excited.
I mean, honestly,
I-I-I'm overjoyed.
(laughs)
HA! OVERJOYED?
Yes.
THAT'S THE WORD I'VE
BEEN LOOKING FOR. Oh.
OVERJOYED!
Uh-huh.
Honey, wh-where did you go?
Are you okay?
(exhales deeply)
WHAT'S THAT?
Are you okay?
I'M FINE.
I WAS JUST
EXPERIENCING MY JOY.
Oh. Are you sure
you're happy about this?
(scoffs) COME ON.
(chuckles)
I'M OVERJOYED.
I-I JUST HAVE
ONE QUESTION, HONEY.
ARE YOU SURE
I'M THE FATHER?
Oh, Jim. NO, NO, NO.
NO, NO, NO, BECAUSE...
BECAUSE IF YOU HAPPEN
TO HAVE AN AFFAIR
WITH SOME REALLY RICH GUY,
I'M SURE
WE COULD WORK THAT OUT.
I MEAN,
PROVIDED THAT HE FULFILL
HIS FINANCIAL OBLIGATION
TO THE CHILD.
Honey, look, I-I know
this is gonna be
a financial strain for us,
but we're gonna save
a lot of money 'cause we have
all that baby stuff
in the garage.
(grunting)
Jim?
YES?
MAYBE WE SHOULD GET
SOME NEW STUFF
FOR THIS KID, HUH?
Oh, no, Honey. Why?
I mean, we used the stuff
for all three kids.
You know, sometimes I go out
in the garage
just to look at it.
HEH, ME, TOO.
Get ready for another surprise.
OH, MY DEAR GOD.
DON'T TELL ME THE REAL FATHER
DOESN'T HAVE ANY MONEY.
Oh. (laughs) No.
Dana's coming
to take care of Mom,
so I'm flying home tomorrow
to look at the baby stuff
and start getting ready.
GREAT.
Yes!
WELL, I HOPE TO GOD
WE DON'T GET ROBBED TONIGHT.
OH, I'M SO EXCITED...
ANOTHER BABY.
YOU THINK THIS ONE
WILL LIKE ME?
NO.
ALL RIGHT.
LET'S GET OUR STUFF
AND GET THE HELL OUT OF HERE
BEFORE CHERYL GETS HOME. WAIT.
I THOUGHT IT WAS EASIER TO ASK
FORGIVENESS THAN PERMISSION.
YEAH, WELL, WITH
A SENTIMENTAL PREGNANT WOMAN,
THERE IS NO FORGIVENESS.
THERE'S ONLY SCREAMING,
MOOD SWINGS
AND BOOBS YOU CAN'T TOUCH.
SOUNDS LIKE EVERY DATE
I'VE EVER BEEN ON.
YEAH.
HEY, PHIL! HA HA HA.
HOW YOU DOING?
I'M DOING WELL.
HOW ARE YOU DOING?
NEVER BEEN BETTER.
HA HA HA HA.
HEY, I'M GONNA NEED
THAT STUFF BACK.
OH, YOU MEAN THE BABY STUFF
YOU DONATED TO THE NEEDY?
YEP. TURNS OUT,
I'M THE NEEDY ONE.
UH, I GOT THE RECEIPT
YOU GAVE ME RIGHT HERE.
I DON'T RECALL YOU SAYING
ANYTHING ABOUT NO TAKE BACKS,
SO I THINK THAT'S LEGAL...
SQUARE.
WELL, THE ONLY WAY TO GET YOUR
STUFF BACK IS TO BUY IT. WHAT?
HEY, PHIL. HOW MUCH FOR
THIS SQUIRT GUN? A NICKEL.
SWEET. THAT'S CHEAP.
WE'RE A THRIFT STORE.
EVERYTHING IS CHEAP.
OKAY, FINE.
UH, THEN, UH...
HOW MUCH
FOR THIS CRIB HERE?
$1,000.
WHAT?!
THAT'S WHAT YOU SAID
IT WAS WORTH.
IN FACT, YOU SAID ALL
OF YOUR STUFF WAS WORTH, UH...
$700,000.
YOU GUYS ARE CROOKS!
HEY, PHIL, I'LL GIVE YOU
10 BUCKS FOR THIS DINING TABLE.
SOLD, AND THANK YOU
FOR HELPING THE HOMELESS.
ALL RIGHT. I GET IT.
I GET IT, PHIL.
YOU'RE TRYING TO TEACH ME
A LESSON HERE, AREN'T YA?
I'LL TELL YOU WHAT.
YOU AND I BOTH KNOW THIS IS
ALL WORTH MAYBE 30 BUCKS.
I'LL GIVE YOU $50.
WHAT DOES THAT GET ME?
ABOUT 20,000 SQUIRT GUNS.
COME ON, MAN.
LET ME GUESS...
THE WIFE IS BACK IN TOWN.
ON HER WAY.
GEE, THAT'S TOUGH, TOUGH.
WELL, I'LL TELL YOU WHAT
I MIGHT BE ABLE TO DO.
WHAT WOULD HAPPEN
IF I RENTED YOUR STUFF
BACK TO YOU
FOR THE WEEKEND?
THAT WOULD BE GREAT.
HOW MUCH?
$700,000.
$700,000. YEAH.
(clattering, crash)
(groaning)
OOH, MAN.
WHEW.
(grunts)
SO WHAT DID I TELL YA?
NO PROBLEM, HUH?
DAMN IT. I PAID 10 BUCKS
FOR THIS PIECE OF CRAP TABLE.
2 AVERAGE SIZE GUYS FALL
15 FEET ON TOP OF IT,
AND IT COLLAPSES?
YEAH. WHERE'S
THE CRAFTSMANSHIP, RIGHT?
HEY, HOW DO YOU KNOW
IF YOU HAVE A CONCUSSION?
HOW MANY FINGERS
DO I HAVE UP?
THURSDAY.
YOU KNOW, WHEN MY LIFE
CALMS DOWN A LITTLE BIT,
I'LL TAKE YOU
TO THE EMERGENCY ROOM.
YOU'RE A GOOD FRIEND, BOB.
ALL RIGHT. LET'S GRAB MY STUFF,
LET'S PUT IT IN THIS CRIB,
AND LET'S WHEEL IT
OUT THAT DOOR.
OH, I THINK
THIS DOOR'S LOCKED.
WELL, UNLOCK IT. UH, I
CAN'T. IT'S DEAD-BOLTED.
WELL, HOW THE HELL ARE WE SUPPOSED
TO GET OUTTA HERE? (exhales deeply)
LISTEN, WHY DON'T YOU RUN
INTO IT WITH YOUR HEAD?
WHAT? I ALREADY GOT A CONCUSSION
FALLING THROUGH THE ROOF.
WE DIDN'T
FALL THROUGH A ROOF.
OKAY. I'LL TRY IT.
WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU TWO
DOING IN HERE?
PHIL!
PHIL, YOU'RE FINALLY HERE.
Y-YOU LEFT SO QUICKLY,
YOU LOCKED US IN.
WHY DON'T YOU GUYS SAVE IT
FOR THE COPS, OKAY?
(dialing telephone) PHIL, PHIL, PHIL. WAIT
A MINUTE. LET ME EXPLAIN, ALL RIGHT?
LOOK, W-WHEN I GAVE YOU
ALL THIS STUFF,
I-I DIDN'T THINK
I'D EVER USE IT AGAIN,
BECAUSE I THOUGHT
I WAS DONE HAVING KIDS,
BUT I HEARD TODAY THAT MY WIFE
IS PREGNANT WITH A FOURTH CHILD.
HOW COOL IS THAT?
I'M GONNA BE A DAD AGAIN.
WELL, CONGRATULATIONS.
JUDGES LOVE NEW FATHERS
WHO ROB CHARITIES.
YOU DIDN'T HEAR ME.
FOUR KIDS.
PHIL, FOUR KIDS. THAT'S...
THAT'S FOUR SETS OF BRACES,
THREE COLLEGE EDUCATIONS
AND ONE DECENT FORKLIFT SCHOOL.
LOOK, PAL...
COME ON.
YOU'RE NOT GETTIN' THIS.
I'M A DAD.
I'M GONNA HAVE FOUR KIDS.
I'M OVERJOYED...
AND OVERWHELMED...
AND A BIT OVERSTRESSED.
AND A LITTLE OVERWEIGHT.
SORRY, BRIAN.
ALL RIGHT, LOOK.
SOME FOLKS AROUND HERE
WANT TO EXPAND THE SHELTER,
AND, UM, IT SAID
ON YOUR DONATION FORM
THAT YOU'RE A CONTRACTOR?
YES.
SO IF YOU DO THE CONSTRUCTION
AS A DONATION TO THE MISSION,
WE'LL LET THINGS SLIDE.
AND I'LL GET
ALL MY STUFF BACK?
SURE. UH, BUT YOU HAVE
TO REPAIR THE ROOF.
WHOA. HOW'D THAT HAPPEN?
ALL RIGHT, DEAL.
NOW THIS IS A CHARITY,
SO I CAN WRITE OFF
THE COST OF THE JOB.
ABSOLUTELY.
GREAT...
'CAUSE THIS JOB'S GONNA RUN
ABOUT 700,000 BUCKS.
I WANNA SHOW MOM
MY NEW DRESS.
I WANNA SHOW HER
MY SOCCER TROPHY.
I WANNA SHOW HER
MY NEW TOY FORKLIFT.
UH, BAD NEWS, CHERYL.
HE'S NOT GOOD
AT THE FORKLIFT, EITHER.
(laughs)
HONEY, YOU UNPACKED
ALL THE BABY FURNITURE.
MM-HMM.
I TOOK IT RIGHT OUT
OF THE GARAGE
AND BROUGHT IT RIGHT HERE.
YEAH, IT IS... ANCIENT.
NO. NO. IT'S CLASSIC.
WELL...
I MEAN, LOOK AT THIS.
REMEMBER WHEN KYLE CHIPPED
HIS TOOTH RIGHT THERE... (laughs)
AND RUBY BANGED HER
HEAD RIGHT HERE... OH.
AND GRACIE BROKE HER
NOSE RIGHT HERE? AH.
YEAH, WE SHOULD GET
SOME PADDING ON THIS.
YEAH, WE SHOULD.
IS THAT OUR STROLLER?
YES! REMEMBER I GOT
THAT SPECIAL COMPARTMENT
RIGHT HERE...
FOR ALL THAT COLD BEER
I HAD TO GET THROUGH SECURITY
AT THE GAME AND AT THE MALL?
AND AT THE CHURCH.
YEAH. YEAH.
THERE'S SOME OLD MEMORIES HERE,
ISN'T THERE?
I FORGOT HOW MUCH
I LIKED ALL THIS STUFF.
AW, YOU'RE REALLY EXCITED
ABOUT THIS.
OVERJOYED.
THAT'S GREAT. UM, HONEY,
I-I WANTED TO WAIT
TILL WE WERE ALONE
TO TELL YOU THIS.
YEAH. WHAT?
I WENT TO THE DOCTOR THIS
MORNING... RIGHT, RIGHT, RIGHT.
AND IT'S TWINS.
WHAT'S THAT?
TWINS.
BABIES?
YES, JIM, TWIN BABIES.
HOW COULD THAT BE?
WE ONLY HAD SEX ONCE.
LOOK, HONEY, I-I-I KNOW
THIS IS A LOT TO PROCESS.
NO. NO. NO, I'M FINE.
YEAH?
YEAH. NO PROBLEM AT ALL.
(exhales deeply)
(belches)
FIVE.
YEAH.
FIVE KIDS?
YEAH. DO YOU THINK
WE'RE READY FOR THIS?
NO.
NO?
NO, HONEY, WE ARE NOT READY.
WE ARE NOT READY FOR THIS...
OH.
BUT WE'LL GET THERE.
(sighs)
WE'LL GET THERE.
(chuckles)
(sighs)
WOW. TWINS.
I KNOW. YEP.
I CAN DO TWINS.
YEAH.
SURE, IT'S, UH...
TWICE THE AMOUNT OF DIAPERS,
TWICE THE AMOUNT OF FEEDING,
AND YOUR BOOBS
GET TWICE AS BIG.
THEY WILL,
AND YOU ARE FOUR TIMES
AS FORBIDDEN TO TOUCH THEM.
UGH. DAMN.
(laughs) YOU KNOW,
IT ALSO MEANS TWICE THE LOVE.
YEAH. TWICE THE LAUGHTER...
YEAH.
(sighs) TWICE THE AMOUNT
OF TEETH MARKS.
YEAH. YOU KNOW, UM,
I WAS THINKING
ABOUT THAT... UH-OH.
AND I THINK YOU'RE RIGHT.
OOH. I LOVE IT WHEN I'M RIGHT.
WELL, A-A NEW BABY NEEDS NEW
STUFF. YEAH, I HATE BEING RIGHT.
AND YOU KNOW WHAT?
WE ARE GONNA NEED
TWO OF EVERYTHING.
YEAH, I HATE BEING
TWICE AS RIGHT.
YOU KNOW WHAT, HONEY?
YOU DON'T HAVE TO WORRY,
'CAUSE WE GIVE
ALL THIS TO CHARITY,
AND WE GET
A TAX WRITE-OFF.
YEAH, I MEAN, HOW MUCH DO YOU THINK
ALL THIS IS WORTH? OFF THE TOP OF MY HEAD?
UH-HUH.
700,000 BUCKS.
OH.
(exhales deeply)
YOU OKAY WITH SPENDING
THAT KIND OF MONEY?
NO.
I'M NOT.
BUT I WILL BE.
GOOD...
'CAUSE I ALREADY BOUGHT
EVERYTHING ONLINE.
(inhales deeply)
YOU KNOW,
I-I JUST FIGURED
IT'S EASIER TO ASK
FORGIVENESS THAN PERMISSION.
WELL, THAT'S A SONG.
(laughs)
(sighs) OH, CHERYL.
YEAH.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH.
OH, I LOVE YOU, TOO.
SO IF WE DO IT RIGHT NOW,
THERE'S NO CHANCE
WE'D HAVE TRIPLETS, RIGHT?
(mouths word)
GOOD, 'CAUSE I'M
GONNA GET DRUNK...
(laughs)
AND DRAG YOU UP
TO THAT ROOM.