According to Jim (2001–2009): Season 7, Episode 16 - The Cheater - full transcript

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ALL RIGHT, LET'S GET GOING HERE.
YOU GOTTA GET TO SCHOOL.

MM, THERE'S NO MILK LEFT.

OH, THERE'S PLENTY IN THERE.
YOU GUYS HAVE IT TOO GOOD.

THERE'S NO WAY THIS MILK

CAN STRETCH
OVER THREE BOWLS OF CEREAL.

YOU KNOW WHAT?

WHEN YOUR DADDY WAS RAISED
DURING THE GREAT DEPRESSION,

YOU KNOW WHAT WE HAD
TO PUT ON OUR CEREAL?

TEARS.

THE GREAT DEPRESSION
WAS IN THE '30s.

HONEY, WE WERE SO POOR,
WE COULDN'T AFFORD CALENDARS.



ALL RIGHT.

(grinding)

(grinding stops)

(grinding resumes)

(grinding stops)

THIS'LL PICK YOU UP.

♪♪♪

JIM!

WHAT?

THAT'S TOO ROUGH.
AND USE MORE LOTION.

FINE,
BUT I WANT YOU TO KNOW

THIS COUNTS AS FOREPLAY
IF WE EVER HAVE SEX AGAIN.

OW!
WHAT?

WHAT PINCHED ME?
MY WEDDING RING?



TAKE IT OFF.

(under breath) GLADLY.

WHAT WAS THAT?

SADLY.

ALL RIGHT, HERE'S YOUR TEA.

I HOPE I GOT IT RIGHT
THIS TIME.

YEAH, WE BOTH DO.

ALL RIGHT,
LISTEN HERE, MISSY.

YOU MIGHT BE ABLE TO BOSS HIM
AROUND BECAUSE HE VIOLATED YOU...

DANA, COULD I HAVE A WORD
WITH YOU IN THE HALLWAY?

BUT SHE'S BEING COMPLETELY...
DANA. WORD. HALLWAY!

YEAH, AND WHEN YOU'RE DONE
WITH THAT,

PERHAPS YOU CAN BRING ME
A TEACUP

THAT'S BEEN PROPERLY WASHED.
WE'D LOVE TO, BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.

I DON'T LOVE HER. I THINK
SHE... IN THE HALLWAY!

(grunts)
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?

JIM, WHEN I WAS PREGNANT,

I DIDN'T HAVE PEOPLE
WAITING ON ME.

NO ONE WAS RUBBING MY FEET
OR BRINGING ME TEA

THAT MAY OR MAY NOT HAVE SPIT
IN IT. DO YOU REMEMBER THE ADVICE

MY GRANDMOTHER
FROM THE OLD COUNTRY GAVE?

(sighs) YES. "ALWAYS SAY YES
TO A PREGNANT WOMAN

FOR THE ENTIRE PREGNANCY
AND 40 DAYS AFTER."

EXACTLY, SO IF EITHER ONE OF US
FIGHTS WITH HER,

WE'RE RISKING
A GYPSY CURSE.

JIM...
MAY I USE YOUR BATHROOM UP HERE?

KYLE'S ARM'S STUCK
IN THE TOILET DOWNSTAIRS.

W-WELL, WHY DIDN'T YOU
HELP HIM OUT?

ISN'T IT SAFER THIS WAY?
YOU KNOW WHERE HE IS.

(Cheryl, singsong voice)
EXCUSE ME!

PREGNANT LADY WITH WRONG TEA
AND DRY FEET.

(gasps)
DRY FEET! GOOD HEAVENS!

DANA, JUST DO EXACTLY
WHAT I DO.

YOU HAVE TO ADOPT
A "YES AND YES ONLY" POLICY.

CAN YOU DO THAT, DANA?
NO.

YOU'RE NOT VERY GOOD
AT THIS, ARE YOU? UGH.

CAN I STILL SPIT
IN HER TEA?

SURE, BUT IT WON'T BEAT
WHAT I DID TO HER CUPCAKES.

AND WE WARM THE LOTION
THUSLY.

OH, MY. YOU GOTTA TEACH JIM
HOW TO DO THAT.

WELL, SOMEBODY OUGHT TO.

HE'S MADE A COMPLETE
HASH OF THINGS. (Cheryl sighs)

GIMME THAT.

USE DELICATE STROKES,
JIM,

PARALLEL
TO THE PLANTAR FASCIA.

GUYS, YOU KNOW
WHAT I'D REALLY LIKE?

I'D LIKE TO GO DOWNSTAIRS

AND HANG OUT ON THE SOFA
WITH YOU GUYS.

YOU KNOW, I GET KINDA ISOLATED
UP HERE. YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN?

YES.
AND YES ONLY.

YOU KNOW WHAT?

MAYBE WE COULD ALL
DO SOMETHING TOGETHER,

LIKE... LIKE A GAME NIGHT.

GAME NIGHT?

YOU MEAN LIKE... WHERE WE...

PLAY GAMES AT NIGHT?

YEAH.

(gasps)

WELL... I DON'T KNOW.

I DON'T KNOW. UH... THOSE DON'T
SEEM TO GO SO WELL HERE.

SURE THEY DO.
YOU KNOW WHAT I WANT TO PLAY?

I WANT TO PLAY PIONEERS
OF NOWAK. OH, GOOD GOD!

CHERYL, CHERYL,
NOW THERE'S TWO THINGS

WE DON'T TALK ABOUT
IN THIS HOUSE,

AND THAT IS PLAYING
PIONEERS OF NOWAK

OR THE TIME I SAW YOUR MOTHER
IN THE SHOWER.

HEY, YOU COULD DO A LOT WORSE
THAN SEEING MOM IN THE SHOWER.

IT WAS WORSE...
SHE WASN'T ALONE.

AND THAT IS WHY WE DON'T
TALK ABOUT IT. (door shuts)

ARE YOU SURE?
PIONEERS OF NOWAK?

WHAT'S THE BIG DEAL?
WHO WAS WITH MOM, JIM, HUH?

WHO WAS IT?
WAS IT... WAS IT THAT GARDENER?

(gasps) OR THE SKUNK FROM
THE LIBRARY? I'LL KILL HIM!

LOOK, CHERYL...

I DON'T WANT TO BE NEGATIVE
IN ANY WAY,

BUT LAST YEAR
WHEN WE PLAYED THAT GAME,

IT WAS KIND OF A DISASTER.
IT WAS FUN.

I DON'T REMEMBER "FUN."

7. OH, CRAP.

THAT'S A DOUBLE KUNKA.
AW.

YEAH. WE ALL HAVE TO
DISCARD HALF OUR HAND.

ALL RIGHT. THERE YOU GO.
(Andy sighs)

WAS THAT HALF?

YEP.

HUH. OKAY.

OKAY, MY TURN.

OKAY, THERE YOU GO.

9! (laughs)

OKAY, THIS IS A CANNON,
SO I WIPE OUT DANA'S VILLAGE.

AW.
OH! SAYONARA, D-TOWN.

(laughs)

(laughs) ANDY'S STABLE
OF BARMAIDS GET SYPHILIS.

OH, DAMN IT!

AND I USED MY PENICILLIN CARD
ON MY RHEUMATIC SON.

WELL, I GOTTA SAY,
THE SYPHILIS IS MY FAULT.

YOU KNOW WHAT?

MY SOLDIERS GET A LITTLE
RESTLESS WHEN THERE'S NO WAR.

AND A HURRICANE WIPES OUT...
(singsong voice) JIM-VILLE.

W-W-WAIT A MINUTE. WE HAD
A TRUCE. YOU HAD A TRUCE.

I HAD A PLAN...
TO BUILD MY TOWN SQUARE...

AND WIN!
(gasps)

(Dana) AW.
YAY!

WHAT THE "H"?!

THAT IS THREE IN A ROW.

I GUESS IT'S MY NIGHT. DAMN IT! I
SHOULD'VE NEVER BUILT THOSE SCHOOLS.

I SHOULD'VE STUCK THE BOYS
IN A MINE

AND SOLD THE GIRLS TO ANDY.

UGH! I'M GETTING A BEER.

OH, HEY, YOU WANNA
GET ME ONE? NO.

THANKS.
I'D LOVE TO COME WITH YOU.

DO YOU BELIEVE THE LUCK
OF THAT WOMAN?

MAN!

NO.

I CANNOT.

WOULDN'T YOU SAY
HER WINNING STREAK

IS A WEE BIT SUSPICIOUS?

NO, ANDY,
I WOULDN'T SAY THAT,

BECAUSE IT SOUNDS
A WEE BIT FRUITY.

WELL, JIM,

CHERYL IS CHEATING.

CHERYL? CHEATING? THE MOST
HONEST WOMAN IN THE WORLD?

WHAT ARE YOU, OUT
OF YOUR MIND? NO.

I MEAN,
SHE MADE A PLEDGE TO PBS,

GOT THE TOTE BAG
AND STILL PAID.

OKAY, LET ME BREAK IT DOWN
FOR YOU.

ON THAT LAST MOVE,
SHE WON BY PLAYING THREE CARDS.

BUT ON THE PREVIOUS TURN,

SHE HAD TO DISCARD HALF HER HAND
AND ONLY LAID DOWN TWO.

DO THE MATH.

I CAN'T.

LOOK, TRUST ME.
SHE'S CHEATING.

SOMETHING'S ROTTEN
IN NOWAK VILLAGE.

AND IT'S NOT
JUST THE MATTRESSES

FROM ANDY'S HOUSE
OF BILLIARDS AND WHORES.

OKAY, MY TURN.

(dice rattle)

8!

(laughs)

CATTLE, CREEK, GOLD MINE...
SYPHILIS!

DAMN IT!
WHOO! I WIN AGAIN!

WAIT A MINUTE, WAIT A MINUTE, WAIT
A MINUTE. NO WAY, NO WAY. WHAT?

YOU JUST PLAYED FOUR CARDS...
YES.

WHEN YOU COULDN'T POSSIBLY
HAVE MORE THAN TWO. EXCUSE ME?

I THINK YOUR WINNING STREAK
IS A WEE BIT SUSPICIOUS.

SUSPICIOUS?

A WEE BIT.

BUT IT'S FRUITY
WHEN I SAY IT.

WHAT EXACTLY ARE YOU SAYING
ABOUT YOUR LOVING WIFE...

THE MOTHER
OF YOUR CHILDREN?

I'M SAYING YOU'RE A CHEATER!
(gasps)

YOU ARE A CHEATER!

YOU CHEATED THIS GAME,
YOU CHEATED THE LAST GAME,

AND I WANNA SEE
YOUR CANCELED CHECK FROM PBS.

HOW DARE YOU?

AW, SAVE IT, BLONDIE.

THERE'S NO WAY
YOU CAN BEAT ME

THREE TIMES IN A ROW
LIKE THAT.

OH, I SEE. I HAVE TO CHEAT
'CAUSE I'M SO STUPID.

COME ON, YOU CHEATED,
YOU CHEATED.

YOU SAW HER CHEAT, ANDY.
BACK ME UP HERE.

OH.
OH, I DON'T KNOW, JIM.

YOU KNOW, I...
THAT... THAT'S A LITTLE HARSH.

CHERYL, YOU ARE HIDING CARDS.

(gasps)
DO YOU EVEN HEAR YOURSELF?

I BET HE DOES.
I BET THE NEIGHBORS DO, TOO.

I DON'T CARE.
LET THE NEIGHBORS HEAR, DANA.

THEY SHOULD HEAR
THAT CHERYL'S A CHEATER!

(gasps)
SHE'S A CHEATER!

(gasps) OH, MY GOD.

IS THAT HOW YOU GOT ELECTED
TREASURER OF THE P.T.A.?

(gasps)

EVERYTHING'S TAINTED NOW.

I AM YOUR WIFE. I WILL NOT
BE TALKED TO LIKE THAT.

OH, REALLY? HOW ABOUT THIS?

(imitates pirate)
I THINK YOU'RE A CHEATER.

(normal voice)
OR HOW ABOUT THIS?

(imitates pirate)
METHINKS YOU'RE A CHEATER!

THOSE ARE ACTUALLY
THE SAME VOICES.

WHY DON'T WE PLAY A NEW GAME?

AHEM. IT'S CALLED

"WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOU MIX
WHITE WINE WITH RED WINE?"

MM.

(burps softly, grunts)

I THINK I WON THAT ROUND.

YEAH, DANA?
WELL, DON'T PLAY CHERYL,

'CAUSE SHE'LL JUST CHEAT!

OH, THE LAST TIME
I PLAYED THE WINE GAME,

I ALMOST CHEATED
ON MY HUSBAND. (laughs)

YOU KNOW WHAT?
THIS CONVERSATION IS OVER.

(whispers) THAT'S RIGHT.
HE MUST NEVER FIND OUT.

(slap)

EMPTY YOUR POCKETS.

DON'T DO THIS, JIM.

CHERYL MABEL...

EMPTY YOUR POCKETS.

FINE.

SEARCH ME IF YOU LIKE,
JIM,

BUT KNOW THIS...
IF YOU DON'T FIND ANY CARDS,

THIS MARRIAGE
IS AS GOOD AS OVER.

(inhales deeply)

WHEN YOU SAY,
"MARRIAGE IS OVER,"

DO YOU MEAN,
LIKE, YOU KNOW,

"GREAT MAKEUP SEX
IN THREE DAYS," OR...

OR "YOU GET HALF MY STUFF"?

THE LATTER.

(whispers) IF IT ONLY
COSTS YOU A LADDER, JIM...

I THINK I'D GO FOR IT.

(laughs)
I-I STILL HAVE NO CLUE

WHERE HE GOT THE IDEA THAT YOU
WERE CHEATING. MORE LOTION?

WELL, JIM DID HURT
MY FEELINGS,

BUT I THINK
HE LEARNED HIS LESSON.

OH, YEAH. I LEARNED
I REALLY, REALLY LOVE MY STUFF.

I MEAN, YOU KNOW,
OUR STUFF.

OUR KIDS, OUR FAMILY,
ET CETERA, ET CETERA.

SO... GAME ON?

OH, GOD, PLEASE, NO.

(imitates gypsy) A CURSE ON YOU
AND ALL WHO BEAR YOUR NAME.

WAIT. WAS THAT A GYPSY CURSE
OR A PIRATE CURSE?

AARGH!

PIONEERS OF NOWAK IT IS.

YAY!

ALL RIGHT, ANDY AND I
ARE GONNA GET SOME SNACKS.

THIS IS YOUR LAST CHANCE
TO EAT PIZZA AND WATCH HOCKEY.

NO, THANKS.

EAT SALAD AND WATCH HOCKEY?

NOPE.

EAT SALAD AND WATCH OPRAH?

WATCH OPRAH EAT SALAD?

JUST PIONEERS OF NOWAK.

AND MAYBE SOME SALAD.

OKAY. (laughs)

OOH, IT'S GONNA BE
A GREAT NIGHT!

I KNOW!

ALL RIGHT,
WHAT ARE YOU UP TO?

WHAT DO YOU MEAN?

(scoffs) ARE YOU KIDDING?

I WAS THERE. I REMEMBER
WHAT REALLY HAPPENED.

AH, I'M GONNA GET
A BEER.

WANNA GET ME ONE?
NO.

THANKS,
I'D LOVE TO JOIN YOU.

WHAT ARE THOSE?

WHAT? WHERE? NOTHING.

YOU'RE SITTING ON A
BUNCH OF CARDS. NO, I'M NOT.

GET UP.

YOU GET UP.

OKAY.

NOW YOU GET UP.

I ASKED YOU FIRST.

AND I'M UP.

AND LOOKING GREAT.
ARE YOU ON A DIET?

OH, GET UP!

OH, NO, NO, NO, NO... OH!

HA!

OH, WOW!
HOW DID THOSE GET THERE?

YOU KNOW, THEY MUST HAVE
FALLEN OUT OF MY HAND.

AND CRAWLED
UNDER YOUR ASS?

(sighs)
YOU'RE CHEATING.

PROVE IT!

I JUST DID!

OH, FINE.

I JUST WANTED TO BEAT JIM.

WELL... (scoffs)

SO DO I, SOMETIMES,
MOSTLY WITH A STICK.

CAN YOU IMAGINE WHAT HE'S GONNA
BE LIKE IF HE CATCHES YOU?

ALL RIGHT.
PRETEND YOU'RE JIM.

(sniffs)

CHERYL MABEL,
YOU'RE CHEATING!

(gasps) HOW DARE YOU?

I SUPPOSE I CAN ONLY BEAT YOU
BY CHEATING

BECAUSE I'M SO STUPID.

THIS MARRIAGE
IS AS GOOD AS OVER.

(deep voice) YOU'RE RIGHT.
I'M A BIG JERK.

LET ME TOUCH YOUR BOOBS.

(normal voice) YOU'RE RIGHT.
THAT WILL WORK.

YEAH, ALTHOUGH
HE NORMALLY DOESN'T ASK.

HE JUST SORT OF DIVES RIGHT IN,
BUT OTHER THAN THAT...

I AM NOT GONNA JUST SIT HERE

AND PLAY THIS STUPID GAME
ALL NIGHT,

WHEN I KNOW FOR A FACT YOU'RE
CHEATING. FINE. HOW ABOUT YOU SIT THERE

AND DRINK A LOT OF WINE
ALL NIGHT

WHILE YOU KNOW
THAT I'M CHEATING?

OKAY.

TONIGHT IS OUR CHANCE,
JIM.

WE BAIT THE TRAP,

AND WHEN SHE STICKS IN
HER LITTLE PAW... SLAM!

WE GOT
THAT LYING, CHEATING SKANK!

ANDY!

OH, SORRY, SORRY, SORRY.
SHE'S NOT A SKANK.

BUT BEFORE YOU,
THERE WERE A LOT OF GUYS.

KNOCK IT OFF.

LOTS.

ANDY!

SHE THREW IT AROUND
LIKE BIRD SEED.

ALL RIGHT, KNOCK IT OFF.

NOW COME ON. THE LAST TIME
YOU PULLED THIS NONSENSE,

IT COST ME.

I FELT REALLY BAD
FOR WEEKS.

THEN I HAD TO PRETEND I FELT BAD
FOR WEEKS AFTER THAT.

SO JUST KNOCK IT OFF.

OKAY, OKAY, OKAY.

WHOA, WHOA. WATCH THE CARDS.

(whispers) WATCH THE CARDS.

AND WATCH DANA.

(normal voice)
SHE GETS A LITTLE JIM FEVER

WHEN SHE'S BEEN DRINKIN'.
(slap)

IT'S FUN.

SURE IT IS. WHATEVER.

YOU'RE LOOKING GOOD, JIM.

(mouths word)

ALL RIGHT. MY TURN.

IF I ROLL AN 8 OR BETTER,
I WIN.

AND IF I CAN INFECT SOME
OF ANDY'S COWS WITH SYPHILIS,

JUST GRAVY.

SHOULDA NEVER PUT THAT BROTHEL
IN THE HAYLOFT.

(dice clatter on board)

(groans) 7.

OKAY. ALL RIGHT.

NOW THAT'S A...
THAT'S A DOUBLE KUNKA.

WE ALL HAVE TO DISCARD.

ALL OF US.

DID YOU PUT IN
ENOUGH CARDS?

ARE YOU QUESTIONING ME?

I THINK WE ALL KNOW
HOW WELL THAT WENT LAST TIME.

AH, WHO CARES?

AS LONG AS WE'RE ALL HAVING
A GOOD TIME, RIGHT?

9! (laughs)

OKAY, JIM,
GOOD LUCK REBUILDING...

(singsong voice)
AFTER THAT TORNADO.

(gasps) LOOK AT HER BUTT!
LOOK AT HER BUTT! AH!

WHAT?
LOOK!

NOTHING! NO, NO, NO! SHE... SHE... SHE
HAS TWO MORE TORNADOES

AND A CANNONBALL DOWN THERE! I'LL PROVE IT.
NOTHING! NO, NO! NO, NO, NO, NO, NO, NO, NO!

COME ON! GIVE IT UP!
SHE'S PREGNANT!

(Dana) OH!
(gasps) OH!

OH! CHEATER! YOU CHEATER!

(gasps) AND SHE HAD
MY SYPHILIS VACCINE. DAMN IT!

STOP YELLING AT ME.

I'M GOING INTO LABOR.
YOU'RE BRINGING ON CONTRACTIONS.

OW! OW!

OW, OW...

MY WATER BROKE.

(weakly) OW.

ANDY, DANA,

I THINK YOU SHOULD BOTH
PROBABLY GO.

(groans) OH.

AND, ANDY, I THINK
YOU SHOULD DRIVE DANA.

THAT'S RIGHT, I'M DRUNK.

AND, JIM...

YOU KNOW. (laughs)

AND, CHERYL,
I SPIT IN YOUR TEA.

AND, ANDY,

THAT MAN
IN THE SHOWER WITH MOM?

YOUR OLD PIANO TEACHER.

(gasps) MR. CARRUTHERS?

YES. SEEMS HE WAS TICKLING
MORE THAN THE IVORIES.

(door shuts)

(sighs)
ALL RIGHT, JIM.

GO AHEAD. TELL ME
WHAT A TERRIBLE PERSON I AM.

BELIEVE ME, I'D LOVE TO,
BUT I CAN'T.

GIVE ME ONE GOOD REASON WHY.
WELL, FIRST OF ALL, YOU'RE PREGNANT,

AND MY ALCOHOLIC GRANDMOTHER
INSTILLED

AN IRRATIONAL FEAR
OF GYPSIES IN ME.

OH, I SEE.

YOU'RE AFRAID TO YELL AT ME.

CHICKEN.

I AM NOT A CHICKEN.

(imitates chicken clucking)

(imitates chicken clucking)

(imitates chicken clucking) WHAT
THE... YOU KNOW I HATE THAT!

I HATE THAT CHICKEN VOICE! OH,
YEAH? HOW ABOUT THIS VOICE?

I'M A CHEATER, AND YOU'RE A
CHICKEN, MATEY! OH, STOP IT RIGHT NOW.

AARGH! (imitates chicken clucking)
STOP THAT NOISE RIGHT NOW!

AARGH! (imitates chicken
clucking) STOP THAT!

AARGH, AARGH, AARGH! WHAT
ARE YOU DOING? WHAT ARE YOU...

WHAT THE HELL
ARE YOU DOING HERE?

YOU TRYING TO PICK A FIGHT?
OH, IF I WANTED TO PICK A FIGHT,

I'D PICK A FIGHT WITH A REAL
MAN. ALL RIGHT, THAT'S IT!

THAT IS IT. GYPSY CURSES BE
DAMNED! OH, REALLY? OH, OH, OH.

I'VE HAD ENOUGH OF THIS CRAP! OH, OH,
OH, OH. YOU GONNA DO SOMETHING ABOUT IT?

YOU'RE DAMN RIGHT I AM.
OH, REALLY? AW!

YOU PUNISHED ME
FOR SEVEN WEEKS

THE LAST TIME
WE PLAYED THIS GAME,

AND... OH, MY GOD,
YOU DO WANNA FIGHT.

OH, THAT... WHY WOULD I
PICK A FIGHT WITH YOU?

YOU'VE BEEN NOTHING BUT NICE
TO ME THIS WHOLE PREGNANCY.

BECAUSE WHEN WE ARGUE, THERE'S
HEAT, AND YOU MISS THAT. BAH!

NO, NO, NO, YOU MISS
THE EMOTIONAL INTIMACY.

I MEAN, I KNOW I MISS
THE REAL INTIMACY,

SO YOU MUST MISS
THE LADYLIKE INTIMACY.

OKAY, GENIUS.

THEN TELL ME WHY
I CHEATED A YEAR AGO.

BECAUSE OF THE SAME REASON.

YOU POKE THE MARRIAGE
EVERY ONCE IN A WHILE

JUST TO KEEP IT ALIVE,

AND I'M SENSING
WHEN YOU SAID, "GENIUS,"

YOU WERE BEING SARCASTIC.
(goofy voice) YA THINK?

YOU JUST DID IT AGAIN.
(scoffs)

YEAH, YOU'RE PICKING
A FIGHT WITH ME.

WHAT ARE YOU DOING?

I DON'T KNOW. MAYBE I'M TIRED
OF THIS "YES MAN."

SO YOU MISS THE FIGHT?

(stammers)
MAYBE I DO MISS THE FIGHT.

MAY-MAYBE...
MAYBE I MISS THE INTIMACY.

YOU KNOW, JIM, I MISS YOU.

(sighs)

(imitating pirate) WELL,
NEVER LET IT BE SAID, MATEY,

THAT I DIDN'T GIVE MY WIFE
EXACTLY WHAT SHE WANTED.

(normal voice) SO...

YOU WANNA FIGHT?

OH, YEAH.
I WANNA FIGHT.

I'LL GIVE YOU A FIGHT...

YOU PATHETIC, CHEATING,
TUBBY TUB OF LARD!

OH! (pants)

DID ANYBODY EVER TELL YOU
YOU LOOK LIKE A BOILED THUMB?

OH, COME ON!
YOU CAN DO BETTER THAN THAT.

THAT'S ALL YOU GOT? (imitating
pirate) OH, I HAVE PLENTY MORE

WHERE THAT CAME FROM, MATEY.
MATEY! AARGH! AARGH! AARGH!

I'LL GIVE YOU MORE RIGHT NOW. YOU CALLED ME A CHICKEN LIKE
A... THAT'S RIGHT, THAT'S RIGHT! (imitating chicken clucking)

WAS THAT A GOOD ENOUGH FIGHT
FOR YOU, BABY?

YOU ROCKED MY WORLD.

BUT I MAY WANT TO FIGHT AGAIN
IN 20 MINUTES.

(laughs)

MM.