According to Jim (2001–2009): Season 7, Episode 15 - The Six-Week Curse - full transcript

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OH, WHAT A GREAT BRUNCH.
MMM.

EMILY, I GOTTA SAY,

YOU ARE THE BEST GIRLFRIEND
ANDY'S EVER HAD.

OH. IT'S NOT A BIG FIELD, BUT
YOU ARE DEFINITELY OUT IN FRONT.

ARE YOU SAYING THAT BECAUSE
I MADE YOU BELGIAN WAFFLES?

NO, I'M SAYING THAT
BECAUSE YOU OFFERED

TO... CLEAN UP AFTERWARDS?

OH. (laughs)

NO, I-I-I MEAN IT.
OH.

DON'T BE SILLY.

THAT'S WHAT KIDS ARE FOR.
(Jim) AW.



ALVIN, SIMON, THEODORE,

SHOW MY GIRLFRIEND
HOW WE SCRUB DISHES.

SO YOU REALLY LIKE HIM?
YEAH.

YOU KNOW THE MAN KEEPS
EMERGENCY CANDY IN HIS SHOES?

PLEASE, I SHOWED HER THAT
AT OUR FIRST DATE.

(giggles)
I HAD A CRAVING FOR CARAMEL,

AND THERE IT WAS,
WARM AND SOFT.

MMM, JUST LIKE MY GIRL.

(both laugh)

EXCEPT BITS OF SOCK
AREN'T STUCK TO YOU. NO.

MWAH.
MWAH.

I'M GONNA BE HONEST.

I HAVE NO IDEA WHAT I'M DOING.

IT'S ALL RIGHT, SON.
YOU DID YOUR BEST.



ALL RIGHT, EMILY,
YOU'RE UP.

OH. (laughs)

NO. I MEAN IT.

OH.

♪♪♪

AND MY FRIEND NICOLE
KEPT TELLING ME

THAT I SHOULD TRY
INTERNET DATING.

I-I JUST CAN'T BELIEVE
THAT IT WORKED OUT. (laughs)

INTERNET DATING.
YEAH.

OH, 'CAUSE I ALWAYS THOUGHT
THAT WAS FOR LOSERS.

44-INCH WAIST.
SERIOUS MOTHER ISSUES.

PICTURE OF MR. SULU
BY MY BED.

TWO KIDS.
SCARED OF THE DARK.

LAST SEVEN HUSBANDS
DIED MYSTERIOUSLY.

OH. YOU'RE BOTH LOSERS.

I THOUGHT IT WAS JUST ANDY.
YEAH.

HEY.
(door shuts)

HOW'S THE WHALE DOING?
I'M SITTING RIGHT HERE.

I MEANT THE PREGNANT WHALE
UPSTAIRS.

(loudly) WHALE?!
HOW DARE YOU? THAT'S MY WIFE!

SHE'S ENORMOUS.

WHEN SHE GOES INTO LABOR,

WE'RE GONNA HAVE TO TAKE HER
OUT THE WINDOW LIKE A PIANO.

I SPENT AN HOUR LAST NIGHT
RUBBING HER BACK

BEFORE I REALIZED
IT WAS HER THIGH.

ANYWAY, I BROUGHT HER
SOME MAGAZINES, SO...

OH, DANA, I CAN BRING THOSE
UP TO HER.

SHE WAS SLEEPING EARLIER,

AND I DIDN'T GET A CHANCE TO SAY
HELLO. OH, THAT'S REALLY SWEET OF YOU.

YEAH, THAT, AND I WANT
TO TAKE MY PICTURE NEXT TO HER

SO THAT I LOOK THINNER.
(laughs)

I HEAR THAT. I GOT A COUPLE
OF WALLETS WITH HER MYSELF.

(laughs) FELT LIKE
I WAS 5 YEARS OLD AGAIN.

YOU KNOW WHAT, ANDY?
I REALLY LIKE HER. (laughs)

I DON'T GET IT.

WHAT IS SHE GETTING
OUT OF THIS RELATIONSHIP?

EVERY WOMAN'S DREAM. YEAH.
WHAT?

A MAN WHO HAS UNBRIDLED PASSION
AND VERY LITTLE STAMINA.

(laughs)

YOU KNOW, JIM'S RIGHT.
SHE'S REALLY GREAT.

I'M GONNA MISS HER.
OH, DANA, DON'T REMIND ME.

WHOA, WHOA, WHOA.
WHAT ARE YOU TWO TALKING ABOUT?

THE 6-WEEK CURSE.
YEAH.

(Jim) WHAT? ALL OF ANDY'S
GIRLFRIENDS DUMP HIM AT SIX WEEKS.

YOU NEVER NOTICED THAT? WELL, YOU ASSUME
I PAY ATTENTION TO PEOPLE BESIDES MYSELF.

WELL, AT LEAST I HAVE
ANOTHER WEEK WITH HER.

NO, YOU DON'T.
TODAY'S THE 28th.

NO.
YEAH.

OH, GOD, NO!
YEAH.

YOU'VE ONLY GOT UNTIL TONIGHT.
(sighs)

YOU BETTER SAVOR
EVERY BEAUTIFUL MOMENT.

YEAH, AND MAYBE TRY TO GET HER
TO DO IT WITH ME IN PUBLIC.

CHERYL HAS A CRAVING
FOR BLACK LICORICE.

I TOLD HER THAT ANDY HAD SOME
IN HIS SHOE,

BUT SHE SAID
SHE ATE IT YESTERDAY.

OH, YEAH,
I SNAGGED THAT FOR HER.

(sighs) IT WAS RED LICORICE,

BUT I THINK IT WAS IN THERE
A LITTLE TOO LONG.

ANYWAY, I'M GONNA RUN
TO THE STORE FOR HER. (laughs)

UM, YEAH, UH...

I...

(voice breaks)
I GUESS THIS IS IT.

YEAH, YEAH, IT IS.

IT... IT IS THE TIME
I'M GOING TO THE STORE.

BYE!
(breathes heavily)

(high-pitched voice)
BYE.

(laughs)

(normal voice) DAMN IT!

SHE'S NOT COMING BACK!
IT'S THE CURSE, I TELL YA!

RELAX, ANDY. SHE'S JUST
GOING TO THE STORE.

OH...
OR MEXICO.

ANDY, CALM DOWN, ALL RIGHT?

SHE... SHE LEFT HER COAT.
SHE'S GONNA COME BACK.

A COAT?
A COAT IS NOTHING, JIM.

YOU REMEMBER JENNIFER?
I'M STILL DRIVING HER CAR.

OH. (laughs)

OH, THANKEE.
I FORGOT MY COAT.

OHH!

BYE!

OH, GOD, OH, GOD,
OH, GOD, OH, GOD!

MUST BE CHILLY
DOWN IN MEXICO.

OH, ANDY,
DON'T BE RIDICULOUS.

THERE'S NO SUCH THING AS A
6-WEEK CURSE. THERE IS WITH ANDY.

ALL HIS RELATIONSHIPS ARE GREAT
FOR FIVE WEEKS,

BUT AT SIX WEEKS, BAM!

IT'S OVER,
AND HE'S CRYING ON MY COUCH,

SUCKING ON A LOLLIPOP HE FOUND IN
HIS SHOE. I DON'T KNOW WHAT HAPPENS.

WELL, IS SIX WEEKS
THE FIRST TIME

YOU TAKE YOUR SHIRT OFF?

NO. NO.

THEY JUST DUMP ME
FOR NO REASON AT ALL.

NO REASON? COME ON.

NO REASON, JIM.

YOU REMEMBER
THAT GIRL GLORIA?

MM-HMM. MMM. (laughs)

MMM. (laughs)

I LOVE
YOUR LETTERMAN'S JACKET.

WHAT SPORT DO YOU PLAY?

UH, NOTHING.

I'M ON THE COMMITTEE
THAT ORDERS THE JACKETS.

OH. (laughs)

(laughs)

OH, THIS HAS BEEN
THE BEST SIX WEEKS OF MY LIFE.

OH, MINE, TOO.
MM.

GLORIA...

I WANT TO ASK YOU
SOMETHING.

(sighs) WOULD YOU...

(inhales deeply)

YES?

GO ON A DIET WITH ME?

WHAT?!

WELL, I-I THINK WE COULD BOTH
STAND TO LOSE A FEW.

OH. YOU THINK I'M FAT?

NO, NO, NO, NO, NO.

YOU'RE JUST BIG-BONED,
LIKE ME.

OH!

THE NEXT DAY WE WERE
SUPPOSED TO WEIGH IN TOGETHER

AT THE STUDENT HEALTH CENTER,
BUT SHE NEVER SHOWED UP.

TO THIS DAY, I STILL
DON'T KNOW WHAT HAPPENED.

WHAT HAPPENED?

YOU CALLED HER FAT!

YOU KNOW,
I REMEMBER THAT GIRL, GLORIA.

SHE REALLY SPIRALED
AFTER SHE DATED YOU,

AND THEN SHE DID GET FAT.

THEY CALLED HER
"GLORIA FEED ME MORE-IA."

SEE? SEE? TOLD YA.

IT'S NOT ME.
IT'S THE CURSE!

OKAY, OKAY.
HOW ABOUT CARMEN, HUH?

1999?
1st OF APRIL TO MID-MAY?

MM-HMM.

(sighs)

OH, ANDY, THIS HAS BEEN
THE BEST SIX WEEKS OF MY LIFE.

OH, AND IT'S ONLY GONNA
GET BETTER TOMORROW NIGHT

WHEN WE FINALLY GET TO SEE

"STAR WARS:
EPISODE I... THE PHANTOM MENACE."

OH, I CAN'T WAIT.

I ALREADY MARKED IT DOWN
IN MY CALENDAR.

OH, LOOK.

A HELLO KITTY DATEBOOK.

DON'T YOU THINK IT'S CUTE?

NO. I THINK IT'S STUPID.

WHAT ARE YOU SAYING?

THAT YOU'RE THE BIGGEST NERD
ON THE PLANET.

ME? YOU'RE THE ONE THAT'S
OBSESSED WITH "STAR WARS."

WHICH IS
THE COOLEST MOVIE EVER!

YOU KEEP A TOY LIGHTSABER
UNDER YOUR CAR SEAT.

THAT IS FOR PROTECTION.

(imitates lightsaber hum)

PREPARE FOR LIGHT SPEED.

THIS DATE IS OVER.

SEE? WE HAD
A LITTLE DIFFERENCE OF OPINION,

AND THE CURSE TOOK OVER.

YOU CALLED ONE GIRL FAT,
AND ANOTHER A NERD.

THAT'S NOT A CURSE.

THAT'S CHRONIC DUMB-ASS!

OKAY, OKAY.

ALL RIGHT. HOW... HOW... HOW ABOUT
RHONDA FROM LAST YEAR?

HOW WAS THAT MY FAULT?

MM-HMM.
MMM.

ANDY, THIS HAS BEEN
THE BEST SIX WEEKS OF MY LIFE.

DO YOU WANT TO GET AWAY
NEXT WEEKEND?

I KNOW A LITTLE PLACE
IN WISCONSIN.

WE COULD CANOE, HIKE,
PICK FRESH BERRIES.

TRANSLATION...
HAVE NOTHING BUT SEX.

IS THAT ALL
YOU THINK ABOUT?

SEX, SEX, SEX?

WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT?

I REALLY CARE ABOUT YOU.

ALL YOU CARE ABOUT IS
GETTING ME OUT OF THESE PANTS.

WHORE.

BLINDSIDED AGAIN.

TOTALLY OUT OF THE BLUE.
NO REASON AT ALL.

YOU'RE THE CURSE,
YOU IDIOT!

YOU'RE SABOTAGING
YOUR RELATIONSHIPS.

WHY WOULD I DO THAT?
WELL, MAYBE YOU'RE AFRAID

THAT THEY'RE GONNA BREAK UP
WITH YOU.

YOU KNOW, 'CAUSE YOU'RE
A FAT, NERDY SEX MANIAC.

WHAT ARE YOU READING
INTO THIS?

ANDY, YOU SUFFER
FROM LOW SELF-ESTEEM,

AND YOU PROJECT TRAITS

THAT YOU DON'T LIKE
ABOUT YOURSELF ONTO OTHERS.

IT'S A PREEMPTIVE STRIKE
AGAINST REJECTION.

WELL, I HAD COURT-ORDERED
THERAPY FOR SIX MONTHS.

SOME OF IT STUCK.

LIKE I'M GONNA LISTEN
TO A GUY

WHO WEARS G.I. JOE UNDEROOS
TO BED EVERY NIGHT.

OH, MY GOD, THAT'S ME!

I DO THAT.
I'M PROJECTING MY UNDERWEAR.

OKAY, OKAY.
NOW YOU GOTTA HELP ME.

WHAT DO I DO?

WELL, FIRST OF ALL, YOU KNOW
THAT WEARING G.I. JOE UNDERWEAR

DOES NOT MEAN
YOU'RE GOING COMMANDO.

ALL RIGHT, LISTEN, NOW THAT
WE'VE FIGURED OUT THE PROBLEM,

MAYBE WE CAN FIX IT.
WELL, WE GOTTA DO IT QUICK.

WE'RE SUPPOSED TO MEET TONIGHT,
AND I DON'T WANT TO BLOW IT.

ALTHOUGH I AM GETTING
PRETTY SICK

OF HER HAIRY MAN-BOOBS.

OH, MY GOD!
I DID IT AGAIN!

I NEED HELP!

HEY, WHERE'S ANDY?

OH, HE'S IN THE BATHROOM
SHAVING HIS CHEST.

I HOPE
HE USES SCISSORS FIRST,

BECAUSE FUR LIKE THAT CAN
GET REALLY STUCK IN A...

(Andy) AAH! STUPID RAZOR!
I'M CURSED, I TELL YA!

ALL RIGHT, LISTEN.

I THINK I'VE COME UP WITH
A WAY TO FIX ANDY. YEAH?

YOU REMEMBER WHEN I USED HYPNOTHERAPY
TO QUIT SMOKING? AGAIN, YOU'RE ASSUMING

THAT I PAY ATTENTION
TO PEOPLE BESIDES MYSELF.

ALL RIGHT.
WELL, IT REALLY WORKED FOR ME,

AND I THINK I CAN PUT ANDY
UNDER. OH, COME ON, DANA,

YOU GOTTA BE TRAINED FOR
THAT KIND OF STUFF. NOT REALLY.

THERE'S A CERTAIN SUGGESTIBLE,
WEAK-MINDED KIND OF PERSON

THAT YOU CAN HYPNOTIZE
LIKE THAT.

ANDY?

ANDY?

OH, MY GOD. HE'S GOT A
BRAIN OF A LEAF. MM-HMM.

ALL RIGHT, WE'VE GOT TO
BOOST HIS SELF-ESTEEM

BY INSTALLING POSITIVE MESSAGES
INTO HIS SUBCONSCIOUS. OKAY.

BUT FIRST,
LET'S MAKE HIM DANCE AROUND

AND CLUCK LIKE A CHICKEN.
NO, LISTEN, ALL I CARE ABOUT

IS THAT HE HAS A GREAT GIRL LIKE EMILY.
WOW, THAT'S UNUSUALLY SWEET OF YOU.

AND THEN WE CAN FILL UP
A PAIL OF CORN

AND WATCH HIM EAT IT
LIKE A PIG. OKAY. (laughs)

ALL RIGHT, ANDY, I WANT YOU
TO THINK ABOUT THE FIRST GIRL

WHO DUMPED YOU AT SIX WEEKS.

JODI.

WHO'S JODI?

THAT IS THAT GIRL THAT HE DATED

AT THAT ASTRONAUT PROGRAM
FOR HUSKY TEENS.

FAT SPACE CAMP?

YEAH, ANDY BEGGED TO GO.

(lisping) "I WANT TO SPEND
THE SUMMER WEIGHTLESS."

(whispers) OKAY.

(normal voice) ANDY, ARE YOU
THINKING ABOUT JODI RIGHT NOW?

HI, JODI.

WHAT?

GOD, YOU LOOK SUPER TOTALLY
HOT TONIGHT. WHOA! I'M OUTTA HERE.

COME ON, JODI. DON'T BE A TEASE.
AFTER SIX WEEKS OF SPACE CAMP,

I NEED TO GET MORE THAN A BASE HIT.
OH, I DON'T LIKE WHERE THIS IS GOING, GIRL.

JIM, DO YOU WANT
TO HELP ANDY OR NOT?

I DON'T WANNA GET
A BOOSTER ROCKET

WHERE IT DOESN'T BELONG.

NO. LISTEN, THIS COULD
BE A CRUCIAL CLUE.

NO!
JODI.

NOT, NOT!
(whispers) JODI.

UGH. FINE!

(grunts)
GO AHEAD. SQUEEZE 'EM.

KEEP YOUR HAND
OVER THE SHIRT.

OH... YES!

OH, BOY, OH, BOY.

THREE, TWO, ONE, LIFTOFF.

(laughs)

MMM.

NO, WAIT.

WAIT.

JODI, BEFORE THIS
GOES ANY FURTHER,

I-I NEED
TO TELL YOU SOMETHING.

I LOVE YOU.

WHY ARE YOU LAUGHING?
I'M NOT LAUGHING.

WHY ARE ALL YOUR
FRIENDS HERE? WHAT...

OH, IS THIS SOME KIND
OF SICK JOKE? (Jim) NO.

OH, GOD! OH, GOD!

I'M THE BIGGEST LOSER AT A CAMP
FULL OF FAT SPACE NERDS!

WELL, THIS IS A DEAD END.

ASK HIM ABOUT ANOTHER GIRLFRIEND.
(scoffs) JIM, THIS IS WHERE IT STARTED.

WE HAVE TO FIX THIS.

STOP LAUGHING!

SAY SOMETHING, JODI.

(sobbing)

ANDY...

(high-pitched voice) ANDY.
GOOD.

ANDY?

HI, ANDY. COME ON OVER HERE
AND TALK TO ME.

ANDY...

THE REASON
ALL MY FRIENDS ARE HERE

IS BECAUSE
I WANT THEM TO HEAR

WHAT I WANNA SAY TO YOU.

AND THAT IS
I LOVE YOU, TOO.

YOU DO?

YES.

OH.

ANDY, YOU ARE
THE GREATEST GUY EVER.

ANY WOMAN IN THE GALAXY
WOULD BE LUCKY TO HAVE YOU.

OH. (cries)

(grunts)
OH, YEAH, THAT'S THE STUFF.

(normal voice) HEY, HEY, HEY, HEY, HEY, THAT'S
ENOUGH. OH, YOU'RE A BIG GIRL, AREN'T YOU?

OKAY, ALL RIGHT,
THAT'S ENOUGH.

COME ON, JODI. LET'S DO THIS.
OKAY, DANA, UH, UH, NOW WHAT?

WELL, I'LL JUST LEAVE
YOU TWO ALONE... YEAH?

NO, NO, NO, NO, NO, NO, NO. DANA, SNAP
HIM OUT OF IT. JUST SEE WHERE IT GOES.

JODI... I KNOW WHERE IT'S
GOING! SNAP HIM OUT OF IT!

ALL RIGHT, ALL RIGHT, ALL
RIGHT. YOU FEEL THAT, JODI?

GET OFF ME! ONE, TWO,
THREE, SNAP OUT OF IT!

(grunts)
HOW DO YOU FEEL?

LIKE A MILLION BUCKS.

AND UNUSUALLY CLOSE TO JIM.

HEY, KEEP YOUR EYES
UP HERE.

YOU KNOW WHAT? WE FIXED
YOU. WELL, YOU DID SOMETHIN',

'CAUSE, UH, I FEEL
GREAT ABOUT MYSELF. AW.

THAT'S GREAT. NOW THERE'S
NO MORE 6-WEEK CURSE,

AND YOU DON'T HAVE TO WORRY
ABOUT EMILY DUMPING YOU.

EMILY DUMPING ME? PLEASE,
I'M DUMPING HER TONIGHT.

(both) WHAT?

YEAH, I'M WAY TOO GOOD
FOR THAT THING. (laughs)

ANY WOMAN IN THE GALAXY
WOULD BE LUCKY TO HAVE ME.

(grunts)

WE'VE CREATED A MONSTER.

AND I GAVE UP SECOND BASE
FOR NOTHIN'.

ANDY, THIS HAS BEEN
THE BEST SIX WEEKS OF MY LIFE.

YEAH, I GET THAT A LOT.

WHOO! HEY, DOLL FACE. HUH?

MY NAME'S ANDY,
AS IN "SWEET AS CANDY."

YOU READY FOR A SUGAR RUSH?

HUH?

ARE YOU OKAY?

(laughs) ARE YOU KIDDIN'?

LOOK AT ME. I'M FANTASTIC.
(chuckles)

YOU JUST SEEM
A LITTLE DIFFERENT TONIGHT.

AH, COOL IT.

OH, I'M GETTING A VIBE

FROM THIS FOUR TOP OF HONEYS
OVER HERE.

YO! YOU LADIES WORK
FOR THE POST OFFICE?

'CAUSE I NEED YOU
TO CHECK OUT MY PACKAGE.

(grunts)

UH-OH, OKAY.

NICE LITTLE HARD BODY MAKING
A BEELINE FOR THE ANDYMAN...

OOH, THAT'S MY SISTER.

HI, JIM. HI, DANA.

(laughs)

WHAT ARE YOU GUYS
DOING HERE?

(gasps) OH, RIGHT.
UH...

WHAT ARE WE DOING HERE?
WE WERE DRIVING AROUND,

AND SHE HAD TO GO TO THE BATHROOM,
SO, UH... OH, BOY, DO I, SO, UM...

HEY, CAN YOU COME WITH ME?
OH, I-I JUST WENT.

UM, I NEED YOU TO GO AGAIN.
I'M PRETTY SURE THE WELL IS DRY.

(laughs) OKAY, WELL,
HERE'S THE THING.

I CAN ONLY PEE
WHEN I HAVE COMPANY.

IT'S, UM, IT'S THE OPPOSITE
OF SHY BLADDER.

IT'S CHATTY BLADDER.
WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK. OKAY.

OH, THANK YOU,
BROTHER JAMES,

FOR GETTING RID OF THAT
BALL AND CHAIN. WHAT?

THIS DOG'S GOT TO HUNT.

(howls)

OW-OW-OW-OW!

ANDY!
MM?

THE ONLY REASON
YOU'RE ACTING COCKY LIKE THIS

IS BECAUSE EARLIER TODAY
I TOLD YOU THAT I LOVE YOU.

UH, IT WAS THE LAST DAY
OF SPACE CAMP, AND...

AND IT WAS MAGICAL.

(laughs) HEY, UH, UH,
BROTHER JAMES... YEAH.

DO ME A FAVOR
AND HANG AROUND LONG ENOUGH

FOR ME TO DROP THE
BOMB ON EMILY. WHAT?

YOU'RE MUCH BETTER WITH
THE BOO-HOO THAN I AM. (groans)

YOU KNOW WHAT, UH, ANDY?
I CAN'T TAKE THIS ANYMORE.

I'M NOT GONNA LET YOU
MESS THIS UP WITH EMILY. AAH.

COME HERE, COME HERE,
COME HERE.

LADIES, LADIES, CAN I HAVE
YOUR ATTENTION, PLEASE?

IS THERE ANYBODY
IN THIS ROOM

THAT WOULD EVEN CONSIDER
GOING OUT WITH THIS GUY?

RAISE YOUR HAND.

UH-OH, LOOK WHAT TIME IT IS...
QUARTER TILL CATFIGHT.

ANYONE? COME ON.
HOW ABOUT YOU,

CHICK EATING ALONE
ON THE WRONG SIDE OF 40? NO?

HOW ABOUT YOU, CLEARLY MARRIED
TO A GAY GUY? HUH?

YOU WANT A PIECE OF THIS?
NO? ANYONE?

I DIDN'T THINK SO.

WAIT. SERIOUSLY, NOBODY?

OKAY, GUYS...

HOW MANY OF YOU

WOULD LIKE TO SPEND SOME TIME
WITH HIS DATE?

WIVES, GIRLFRIENDS,
CLOSE YOUR EYES.

THANK YOU.
ENJOY YOUR MEAL.

SIT DOWN, ANDY.

HUH.

ANDY, I THINK
I'VE MADE MY POINT.

YOU GOT A HELL OF A GIRL
THERE IN EMILY.

(gasping)

IS THIS CHICKEN?

OH, GOD. OH, GOD, JIM.

SHE'S GONNA DUMP ME.
SHE'S WAY TOO GOOD FOR ME.

OF COURSE SHE'S WAY TOO GOOD
FOR YOU, ANDY.

JUST LIKE CHERYL'S
WAY TOO GOOD FOR ME.

BUT YOU KNOW WHAT?
THEY DON'T KNOW THAT.

WELL, WHAT IF ONE DAY
SHE COMES HOME

AND FIGURES IT OUT, JIM? SHE AIN'T
NEVER GONNA FIGURE IT OUT, ANDY.

YOU SEE,
THERE'S THIS TERRIFIC FLAW

IN WOMEN
LIKE CHERYL AND EMILY.

THEY LOVE GUYS LIKE US
WHO AREN'T PERFECT.

WHY?

I DON'T KNOW WHY.

THEY... THEY WANT TO FIX US.

I MEAN, YOU KNOW,
THEY DON'T GOT JOBS.

THEY GOTTA DO SOMETHIN'.

WAIT, WAIT. REALLY?

YEAH, BUT HERE'S
THE REALLY COOL PART OF IT.

WE CAN'T BE FIXED,

SO THEY SPEND THE REST
OF THEIR LIVES TRYING

AND WE GET
TO KEEP 'EM FOREVER.

WAIT, WAIT, WAIT, WAIT, WAIT.
THAT... THAT'S CRAZY.

(laughs)
YEAH. THAT'S WOMEN.

COME ON.
SERIOUSLY, IS THIS CHICKEN?

I CAN'T TELL WITH
THE SAUCE ON IT. UM...

THANK YOU, EMILY.

YOU REALLY CHATTED OUT
EVERY LAST DROP. (laughs)

DON'T BE SO MODEST.

YOU... YOU REALLY DID MOST
OF THE WORK. YEAH, YEAH.

YEAH. OH... DID SOMEBODY
EAT MY VEAL?

VEAL! OF COURSE!

WELL, WE'RE GONNA RUN OFF,

UH, LEAVE
YOU TWO LOVEBIRDS ALONE.

THANKS, JODI...
I MEAN, JIM.

THAT WAS WEIRD.
YEAH.

EVERYBODY IS ACTING
VERY STRANGE TONIGHT.

HMM, NO, I HAVEN'T... HAVEN'T
NOTICED ANYTHING. REALLY?

LIKE... LIKE WHAT?

WELL, YOU'VE BEEN HITTING ON
EVERY WOMAN IN HERE TONIGHT,

INCLUDING YOUR SISTER, WHO,

AND I CAN'T BELIEVE
I'M SAYING THIS,

JUST MADE ME
WATCH HER TINKLE.

YEAH, UM...

EMILY, I-I... THERE'S SOMETHING
I GOTTA TELL YOU,

AND THIS... THIS...
THIS IS NOT EASY FOR ME.

(sighs)

I LOVE YOU.

HA! (laughing)

ALL RIGHT. THAT'S IT.
I'M DONE WITH WOMEN.

SIR,
MAY I BUY YOU A DRINK?

COME ON, BUDDY.
NO ONE'S BUYING THE BEARD, HUH?

(mouths words)

(continues laughing)
I'M SO...

I'M SO SORRY.
I'M SO SORRY, ANDY.

I DON'T MEAN TO LAUGH.
IT'S JUST THAT...

OH, YOU'RE... YOU WERE ACTING
SO STRANGE TONIGHT

THAT I THOUGHT YOU WERE
GONNA BREAK UP WITH ME.

OH.
(laughs)

OH. (sighs)

I LOVE YOU, TOO.

YOU DO?

YEAH.

I MEAN, IT'S A LITTLE STRANGE

THAT YOU KEEP A LIGHTSABER
IN YOUR CAR, BUT YOU KNOW...

I'LL GET OVER IT.

YEAH, IT'S FOR PROTECTION.

I GET IT.

OH! (laughs)

(both) MMM. MM-HMM.

(deep voice) WELL, ROBIN,
OUR WORK IS DONE HERE.

YEAH. HEY, WOULD YOU LIKE TO
GO OUT AND HAVE A LITTLE DINNER?

ACTUALLY, I ALREADY
TOOK THE LIBERTY OF ORDERING.

(sighs)

DOES PIGGY WANT SOME CORN?
(snorts)

DOES PIGGY WANT SOME CORN?
EAT, PIGGY! EAT, EAT!

ATTABOY, PIGGY.
(grunts)

IS PIGGY STILL HUNGRY?

OHH!