According to Jim (2001–2009): Season 6, Episode 16 - Devlin in Disguise - full transcript

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WHAT'S WRONG, HONEY?

I FORGOT
WHY I CAME DOWNSTAIRS.

TO APOLOGIZE TO YOUR WIFE

FOR YEARS
OF BOORISH BEHAVIOR?

NO.

APOLOGIZE TO ME
FOR YEARS OF BOORISH BEHAVIOR?

MM, NO,
DOESN'T SOUND LIKE ME.

WELL, HONEY,
WHAT WERE YOU DOING?

I WAS FLOSSING.

I WAS!

OKAY. WHILE YOU WERE FLOSSING,



YOU REALIZED THE FLOSS
WASN'T SHREDDING IN YOUR TEETH,

WHICH MEANT I BOUGHT THE BRAND
ONLY MILLIONAIRES CAN AFFORD,

WHICH LED YOU TO THINK
ABOUT ALL THE OTHER WAYS

THAT MONEY IS THROWN AWAY
AROUND THIS HOUSE,

SO YOU STARTED
WANDERING AROUND UPSTAIRS,

TURNING DOWN THE THERMOSTAT
AND TURNING OFF LIGHTS.

WHILE YOU WERE PACKING
A BAG OF KYLE'S CLOTHES

TO SELL AT THE SWAP MEET,

YOU REMEMBERED THAT RUBY SAID
SHE DROPPED A HANDFUL OF COINS

IN THE KITCHEN AND A QUARTER HAD
ROLLED BEHIND THE REFRIGERATOR,

SO YOU CAME DOWNSTAIRS
TO MOVE THE FRIDGE TO GET IT.

THANK YOU.

♪♪♪

ALL RIGHT, GRACIE, COME ON,
BLOW OUT THE CANDLES.



WELL, WE SHOULD WAIT
FOR UNCLE ANDY'S DATE.

OH, WAIT.
CANDLES DON'T BURN THAT LONG.

THE SUN WON'T BURN
THAT LONG.

YEP, I'VE GOT NO DATE.
VERY FUNNY.

YOU KNOW WHAT ELSE
I DON'T HAVE?

A GIFT
FOR MY SNIDE YOUNG NIECE.

HOW'S THAT CRAP SANDWICH TASTE,
BIRTHDAY ANGEL?

AAH! OW, OW!

ANDY, NICE JOB.

YOU JUST GOT BEAT UP
BY A 10 YEAR OLD.

SHE'S 11.

JUST IGNORE WHAT I WROTE
IN YOUR CARD, GRACIE.

COME ON, SWEETIE. BLOW OUT
THE CANDLES. MAKE A WISH.

HEY,
THIS HOUSE IS ROCKIN'...

SO WE'RE NOT KNOCKIN'!

YOU WISHED FOR THE DEVLINS?

WHAT'S WRONG WITH YOU?

TIM, CINDY,
WE WEREN'T EXPECTING YOU.

YEAH, OTHERWISE,
WE WOULD HAVE LOCKED THE DOOR.

(both laugh)

HEY, TIMMY TIMMY KOKO BOP,

LOOKS LIKE WE'RE JUST IN TIME
FOR A B-DAY PARTY.

I SEE THAT,
PIRATES OF THE CINDI-BBEAN.

LUCKILY, I ALWAYS TRAVEL
WITH A PARTY IN MY PANTS.

(all) UGH!

(horn tooting)

OKAY, GRACIE, I'M GONNA
RELIGHT THESE CANDLES,

AND YOU MAKE A WISH
FOR THEM TO LEAVE.

TIM, CINDY, WE'RE KIND OF
IN THE MIDDLE OF SOMETHING,

SO I DON'T WANT TO
BE RUDE... I WILL. GO!

(laughing)

DON'T MIND US, RIGHT?
IT'S LIKE WE'RE NOT EVEN HERE.

YEAH, SURE,
UNTIL CAPTAIN BANANA HAMMOCK

RIPS OFF HIS PANTS.

OOH! YIKES, DANA,

YOU MIGHT WANNA
LAY OFF THE CAKE.

LOOKS LIKE IT WASN'T ALL BABY
IN THAT TUM-TUM-TUMMY.

I AM 5 POUNDS
OVER MY PRE-BABY WEIGHT.

WELL, HOW COME ANDY LOOKS
LIKE THE SKINNY ONE, HMM?

(giggles)

HEY, I GOT A RIDDLE
FOR YOU GUYS.

OOH, WE LOVE RIDDLES!
YEAH, WHAT IS IT? GO, GO!

WHAT WEARS
MATCHING TRACK SUITS

AND NEEDS
TO GET OUTTA MY HOUSE?

(both laugh)

BURNED!

TO A CRISP! OW!

YOU JUST CRACK US UP.
IT'S GONNA BE REALLY HARD

FOR ONE OF US
TO NEVER SEE YOU EVER AGAIN.

I'M LISTENING.

I'LL START, I'LL
START. WE... ARE...

GET...
TING...

A...
DI...

VORCE.
(gasps) DIVORCE?

THIS IS
MY BEST BIRTHDAY EVER.

THE LAWYER TOLD US TO DIVIDE
EVERYTHING IN HALF.

EVEN THE BAD...
NEWS.

YOU GUYS JUST SEEMED
SO RIGHT FOR EACH OTHER

AND WRONG FOR ANYONE ELSE.

TRUE.

BUT WE'VE ALREADY WORKED OUT
THE DIVORCE SETTLEMENT.

WHO GETS THE 3,000
MATCHING TRACKSUITS?

HEY, DO YOU WANT 'EM? 'CAUSE
THEY'LL STRETCH TO COVER THAT.

BUT WE JUST CAN'T DECIDE

WHO SHOULD GET OUR TWO BESTEST
FRIENDS IN THE WHOLE WORLD.

JESUS AND SANTA?

NO, SILLY.

M.C. CHERYL
AND D.J. JAZZY JIM.

SO WE DECIDED
TO HAVE YOU PICK.

WHO DO YOU WANNA
BE FRIENDS WITH, HUH?

ARE WE ALLOWED TO PICK...
NEITHER?

STOP BEING
SUCH A GIGGLE PUSS.

NOW WHO DO YOU WANT?
HOT TIMES SUMMER IN THE CINDY?

OR THE HUNT
FOR RED OC-TIM-BER?

UH, I CHOOSE CINDY.

YEAH, YEAH.
CINDY. CINDY'LL BE FINE.

10-LETTER WORD
FOR FLYING REPTILE.

IS IT ACROSS OR DOWN?
DOWN.

HUH. I DON'T DO DOWN.
NEVER HAVE, NEVER WILL.

HEY, HEY, HEY! WHAT DO YOU SAY
ON THIS FINE, FINE DAY?

I SAY THE SAME THING I SAID
YESTERDAY AND THE DAY BEFORE...

GET OUT AND STAY OUT.

(laughs)

YOU'RE ALWAYS ON.

OH, I LOVE IT.

OH, THIS PLACE IS FUN,
EVEN FOR A GAY DIVORCéE...

(gasps) OH, ANDY, I'M SORRY.
I DIDN'T MEAN TO OFFEND YOU.

I MEAN THE HAPPY GAY,

NOT THE DISCO DANCING,
LEATHER PANTS GAY.

HAVING LEATHER PANTS
DOESN'T MAKE... I'M NOT GAY.

REALLY?
THEN EXPLAIN THE HAIRCUT.

WELL, I'M GONNA
GO TO THE KITCHEN.

WHY?

WHY?

I'M OUT OF BEER.

JIM...

FREEZE, BLONDIE!

WHERE DO YOU THINK
YOU'RE GOING?

THE PHARMACY.
YOU WENT THERE YESTERDAY.

AT THE BANK.
IT'S CLOSED.

MEXICO?

CHERYL, IF YOU'RE
GONNA GO TO MEXICO,

THE LEAST YOU COULD DO
IS KILL ME FIRST.

YOU'RE RIGHT. I CAN'T
LEAVE YOU HERE ALONE.

(sighs)

OH, DAMN,
WE'RE OUTTA BEER.

I GOTTA GO TO THE STORE
AND GET SOME MORE.

FREEZE.

LOOK, HONEY,
THIS CAN'T LAST FOREVER.

I MEAN, CINDY'S LONELY
RIGHT NOW, BUT PRETTY SOON

SHE'LL LATCH ONTO SOME POOR SAP
AND BE OUT OF OUR LIVES FOREVER.

OH, DO YOU PROMISE?
YES, HONEY, I PROMISE.

HOW DID WE EVER
GET INTO THIS?

OF COURSE I PROMISE. YOU JUST GOTTA
RELAX. JUST CAN'T STAND IT ANYMORE...

(both gasp)

(both) AAH!

(both) AAH!

(laughing)

(crying)

HEY, CHERYL, CHECK IT OUT.
THREE WEEKS LATER,

AND I'M ALREADY BACK
IN MY PRE-PREGNANCY PANTS.

OH...

I DON'T MEAN TO BRAG,
BUT ON THE WAY OVER HERE,

A CONSTRUCTION WORKER
TOTALLY WHISTLED AT ME.

UM, HONEY, ARE THOSE
YOUR PREGNANCY UNDERWEAR?

WHAT?

YEAH, I CAN SEE
YOUR WHOLE BACKYARD.

YEAH, YOU MIGHT WANNA
GO BORROW SOME SWEATS.

I WENT TO THE MALL.
AW...

HI, HONEY.
HOW WAS YOUR DAY?

HELL.
CHERYL, HELL, PURE HELL.

ANDY, ON MONDAY,

JUST CHATTERED ALL DAY LONG
ABOUT CINDY.

OH, THAT'S CUTE.

TUESDAY WAS
"TAKE CINDY TO WORK DAY,"

SWEET!

AND TODAY WAS
"TAKE CINDY AT WORK DAY."

ALL RIGHT,
THAT I DID NOT NEED TO HEAR.

HEAR?
I HAD TO WALK IN ON IT.

JIM, IT'S NEW LOVE.

NO, IT'S NOT, CHERYL.
IT'S A DISEASE.

OH...

ANDY'S CHANGED.
HE'S CHANGED THE WAY HE WALKS,

THE WAY HE TALKS, THE WAY HE'S
DRESSED. HE'S BECOMING A DEVLIN.

OH, YOU'RE ACTING LIKE HE'S
POSSESSED. HE IS POSSESSED.

HEY, HEY, HEY!

WHAT DO YOU SAY
ON THIS FINE, FINE DAY?

HEY, YOU TWO.
SORRY ABOUT HOGGING

THE SPACE SHUTTLE "ATLANDY"
THIS WEEK.

OH, WE'LL MAKE IT UP TO 'EM,
SALT LAKE CINDY.

WE, UH, WANTED
TO INVITE YOU TWO CATS...

(making meowing sounds)

(growling)

(laughs) OVER TO MY PLACE
TO DO SOME HOT TUBBING

AND APOLOGIZE
FOR BEING SUCH STRANGERS.

OH, YEAH. I DON'T THINK WE'RE GONNA
BE ABLE TO MAKE THAT. WHY NOT?

I HAVE NO DESIRE TO GO.

(both laugh)

OF COURSE WE'LL COME
TO YOUR PARTY. CHERYL...

NOW IF ONLY I COULD REMEMBER
WHAT TIME THE PARTY STARTS.

I KNOW.

HEY, SHOW HIM
THE NUMBER TO R.S.V.P.

I KNOW THE PHONE NUMBER!
I KNOW THE PHONE NUMBER!

(laughs) HUH?

HEY, LET'S TAKE THIS PARTY
OVER TO YOUR PLACE.

CAN I HAVE A PIGGYBACK RIDE? NO,
BUT YOU CAN HAVE A PIGGY-FRONT RIDE.

WHOO!
OINK, OINK!

OINK, OINK, OINK!
ALL THE WAY HOME.

I HAVE AN EXCUSE FOR MY BUTT
HANGING OUT. WHAT'S HIS?

THAT'S IT, CHERYL.
PUT A POT OF COFFEE ON.

I'M GETTING
A PIECE OF PAPER AND A PEN,

AND WE'RE GONNA MAP OUT

A STRATEGY
TO BREAK THOSE TWO UP.

NO, NO, NO, NO, NOBODY'S
BREAKING ANYBODY UP.

ANDY IS FAMILY, AND IF
HE'S HAPPY, WE SHOULD BE HAPPY.

HAPPY?
HOW CAN WE BE HAPPY?

HE'S DATING SOMEONE
WE TOTALLY HATE.

WHAT WORLD DO YOU LIVE IN?

THE SAME WORLD
I'VE BEEN TRAPPED IN

SINCE THE FIRST DAY
YOU TWO MET.

ONLY ANDY DECIDES
WHO HE DATES.

YEAH, I AGREE, BUT THE GUY
THAT JUST PRANCED OUT OF HERE

SQUEALING LIKE A PIG
IS NOT ANDY.

NO, IT'S LIKE
A ZOMBIE MOVIE.

YOU KNOW, WE SHOULD
CUT OFF HIS HEAD

AND BURN IT IN A DITCH. JIM, YOU
KNOW WHAT WE'RE GONNA DO?

WE'RE GONNA GO TO THAT PARTY,
AND YOU'RE GONNA BEHAVE,

AND IT'S GONNA BE OVER
BEFORE YOU KNOW IT.

HONEY, ANDY'S RELATIONSHIPS
ARE LIKE HIS DIET...

OVER BY LUNCH AND FOLLOWED
BY DAYS OF SHAME.

NOPE, I'M STICKING
TO MY PLAN AND MY MAP.

HERE WE GO.

HERE'S ANDY'S HOUSE.
HERE'S HIS MAILBOX,

AND HERE'S A COBRA.

YOU KNOW WHAT? EVERYTHING
LOOKS LIKE ANDY'S BUTT NOW.

SO, UH, RUBY GOT AN "A"
ON HER HISTORY TEST.

THAT'S JUST TERRIFIC.

YOU KNOW WHAT, CHERYL?

I CAN REACH BACK,
GRAB THAT CD PLAYER,

YANK IT IN THE WATER
AND END THIS NOW. OH...

WHOO! (laughs)

LOOK AT US, HUH, BUDDY?

WE GOT US A COUPLE FOXY LADIES,
DON'T WE, JIM?

YOU LOOK REALLY GOOD
IN THAT BATHING SUIT, CHERYL.

AREN'T YOU GLAD YOU LET ME
WAX YOU? DID I REALLY LET YOU,

OR DID YOU SNEAK UP ON ME
WHILE I WAS NAPPING?

YEP, SHE'S A SNEAKY ONE.

(laughs)
CAUGHT ME YESTERDAY.

TELL YOU ONE THING,
YOU WAKE UP REFRESHED...

REFRESHED
AND SLICK AS A WHISTLE.

OH, ANDY.

HEY, I GOT AN IDEA.

WHY DON'T WE SEE
WHICH ONE OF YOU GUYS

CAN HOLD THEIR BREATH THE
LONGEST? OH! SOUNDS LIKE A HOOT!

STARTING NOW! OH, YEAH!

CHERYL, CHERYL, CAN'T YOU SEE
WE HAVE TO BREAK THEM UP?

OH, YOU ARE NOT BREAKING
THEM UP. THEY'RE IN LOVE,

AND IT'S NONE OF OUR BUSINESS.
YES, IT IS OUR BUSINESS.

HE'S MY BEST FRIEND,
AND SHE IS GONNA RUIN HIS LIFE.

YOU KNOW WHAT SOME PEOPLE
SAID TO ME ABOUT YOU?

AND IF I'D LISTENED,
WE WOULD NOT BE HERE TODAY.

WELL, YOU SHOULD'VE LISTENED.
YOU COULD'VE DONE MUCH BETTER.

WHO WON?

IT WAS A TIE.
DO OVER.

I'VE NEVER SEEN HIM HAPPIER.
BACK OFF.

I'M NOT GONNA BACK OFF.
I'M NOT GONNA BACK OFF.

I WANT MY BUDDY BACK
THE WAY HE WAS.

WHAT, PATHETIC AND ALONE?
YES! I LOVE THAT GUY.

WHAT WERE YOU TRYING TO SAY
UNDER THERE?

I SAID,
"WILL YOU MARRY ME?"

(gasps)

MARRY YOU?
THAT SEEMS KINDA QUICK...

BUT NOT AS QUICK AS THIS...
OF-COURSE-I'LL-MARRY-YOU-

I-LOVE-YOU-SO-MUCH-HAVE...
MY-CHILDREN-LET'S-START-NOW!

NO, NO, NO.
NOW THEY'RE GETTING MARRIED!

SHE IS THE DEVIL.
JIM...

NO, SHE IS. THAT'S WHY
SHE WEARS THAT BATHING CAP...

SHE'S HIDING HER HORNS.

(both gasping)

OKAY, I ADMIT SHE'S
ANNOYING... SHE IS.

BUT IF ANDY LOVES
HER, I LOVE HER. CHERYL...

I THINK
SHE'S LICKING MY LEG.

THAT COULD BE ANDY.

OH, AND THAT'S BETTER?

(gasps) IS THAT
ANDY'S BATHING SUIT?

FIRST DIBS ON THE SHOWER.
RACE YOU!

(laughs)

DANA! OH, DANA,

DO YOU WANT TO SPLIT
ANOTHER PAIR OF PANTS?

LET ME TELL YOU HOW I KEEP
MY DERRIERE EXTRAORDINAIRE.

I CLENCH MY GLUTES NONSTOP
DURING DINNER.

WATCH ME NOW.
CLENCH, RELEASE.

WHOA, WHOA, WHOA,
CAN I FEEL? YEAH.

CLENCH...
RELEASE...

CLENCH...

WHOA, WHOA, RELEASE.

I CAN BEND A FORK
BETWEEN MY CHEEKS.

JIM, LEND ME YOUR FORK.
OH, SURE.

NO! CHERYL, IF I HAVE
TO PUT UP WITH HER,

AT LEAST LET ME
SEE THE SHOW. HERE YOU GO.

(doorbell rings)
I'LL GET IT.

NO, I'LL GET IT.
NO, NO, I'LL GET IT.

LET ME GET IT.
I'LL GET IT.

YOU KNOW, I COULDN'T TAKE
ANOTHER SECOND IN THERE.

I KNOW. THE LAST THING I NEED IS
FOR ANOTHER ONE OF MY SIBLINGS

TO MARRY SOMEONE I CAN'T STAND.
HOW DO YOU PUT UP WITH IT?

OH, WE'VE GOT TO HAVE THEM
BREAK UP. I GOT A PLAN RIGHT NOW.

WHAT? TIM DEVLIN!

YOU'RE BRILLIANT. HEY, IT'S
NOT MY FIRST RODEO, BABY.

HEY. HERE'S THOSE HOT TUB
PAMPHLETS YOU WANTED.

DON'T KNOW WHY YOU NEEDED THEM
AT EXACTLY 7:30,

BUT THERE YOU GO, JIM.

WELL, THANK YOU. DON'T YOU MEAN,
"JIM JACOB JINGLEHEIMER SCHMIDT?"

YOU KNOW, THE CUTESY NICKNAMES
WERE KIND OF CINDY'S THING.

SINCE WE'VE SPLIT UP,
I'VE TRIED TO BE A LITTLE LESS...

LIKE SOMEONE YOU WANNA STRANGLE?
GOOD ONE. I'VE ALWAYS LIKED YOU, JIM.

HA HA, AND I'VE NEVER LIKED YOU.
COME ON IN.

UH, LISTEN, UH, THE REASON
I BROUGHT YOU HERE

IS BECAUSE I WANTED YOU TO KNOW,
FROM US, FROM THE FAMILY,

THAT ANDY AND CINDY
ARE ENGAGED.

WOW. YEAH, THEY'RE
GETTING MARRIED NEXT WEEK.

THAT'S TERRIBLE! I KNOW. THAT'S WHY I
WANTED YOU TO COME BACK, BECAUSE WE THINK

YOU SHOULD GO IN THERE AND
FIGHT FOR YOUR WOMAN. YEAH.

NO, I MEAN IT'S TERRIBLE,
BECAUSE I'M GONNA BE

OUT OF TOWN NEXT WEEK. SIENNA AND I
ARE GOING TO MAUI. (Jim and Dana) SIENNA?

NEW GIRLFRIEND.
SWIMSUIT MODEL.

I'M OLDER, GOT A LITTLE MONEY.
IT'S NOT THAT HARD, JIM.

COME HERE.

THAT'S HER OUT IN THE CAR.

YEAH. I DON'T LIKE TO BRAG,
BUT I'M HITTIN' THAT.

NICE JOB.
YEAH.

HEY, WHY DON'T YOU
BRING HER IN, SO, YOU KNOW,

SHE CAN MEET THE FAMILY? SURE
THING, BUT WE CAN'T STAY LONG,

BECAUSE SIENNA'S FRIENDS
ARE HAVING A PARTY,

AND I'M THE ONLY ONE
OLD ENOUGH TO BUY THE BOOZE.

OKAY. BRING HER IN,
BRING HER IN.

GREAT IDEA. SO WHEN CINDY
SEES TIM'S NEW GIRLFRIEND,

SHE'LL LOSE IT. NO, I JUST WANTED
TO GET A GOOD LOOK AT HER,

BUT THAT'S A GOOD IDEA.

OH, THANKS FOR
THE SWELL ENGAGEMENT DINNER.

WELL, LOOK WHO IT IS.
JIM DEVLIN. WHAT A SURPRISE.

AND WHO IS THIS?

SIENNA, YOUR NEW GIRLFRIEND,
THE SWIMSUIT MODEL?

WOW, TIM, WHEN YOU
SAID "SWIMSUIT MODEL,"

I DIDN'T REALIZE
THAT YOU MEANT SOMEONE

WHO WAS A LOT YOUNGER
AND MUCH HOTTER THAN CINDY.

JIM, I CAN'T BELIEVE
YOU WOULD DO THIS.

GOLLY, OH! I AM SO SORRY
YOU GOT DRAGGED INTO THIS,

TIM-ICHANGA CON QUESO.

YOU SILLY BOOTS.
YOU NEED TO WAKE UP

AND SMELL
THE YUMMY, HOT CUP OF JAVA.

YOU'RE NOT GONNA BREAK UP
ME AND W.K.R.P. IN CINDY-NATI.

WE'RE LIKE SEAHORSES.
WHAT?

THEY MATE FOR LIFE.
I SAW IT ON A CARTOON.

THERE WERE TWO SEAHORSES
THAT GOT MARRIED, AND...

HONEY, SHH, SHH, SHH, SHH.

YOU THOUGHT BRINGING TIM-PATHY
FOR THE DEVIL INTO THIS HOUSE

WAS GONNA CHANGE THINGS?

NO. I GOTTA SEND
YOU GUYS A TELEGRAM.

CINDY LOVES ANDY. STOP.

NOTHING'S EVER
GONNA BREAK US UP. STOP.

OH, GOD. TAKE ME BACK,
TAKE ME BACK!

STOP!

YOU KNOW YOU'RE STILL
MY MR. TIM-BOURINE MAN.

AREN'T I STILL
YOUR BREAKFAST AT TIFF-CINDY'S?

LISTEN TO ME.

YOU ARE A WONDERFUL
AND KIND AND STRANGE WOMAN.

BUT IF I'VE LEARNED ANYTHING
FROM MY THREE DAYS WITH SIENNA,

IT'S THAT I LIKE
HAVING SEX WITH HER.

SO YOU TAKE CARE, OKAY?

HOLD IT RIGHT THERE,
MISTER.

YOU KISS ME ONE MORE TIME,

AND THEN TELL ME
YOU'RE READY TO WALK AWAY.

OKAY, TAKE CARE.

HONEY.

OOH, CAN I DRIVE? CAN I DRIVE?
I NEED TO PRACTICE.

BYE!

I'M HITTIN' THAT.

OKAY, SO WHERE WERE WE?

OH, WEDDING PLANS...
DEEJAY OR BAND?

CHERYL, SAY SOMETHING TO HIM
AND RUIN HIS DAY,

OR KEEP YOUR MOUTH SHUT
AND RUIN HIS LIFE.

ANDY, IF WE HAVE A BOY, CAN
WE NAME HIM TIM JR.? OOH...

IF YOU MARRY THIS WOMAN,
I AM GONNA CUT OFF YOUR HEAD

AND THROW IT IN A DITCH.

BURN IT IN A DITCH,
BUT GO AHEAD.

ANDY, SHE JUST
ASKED HER EX-HUSBAND

TO TAKE HER BACK
RIGHT IN FRONT OF YOU!

I THINK,
IN A HEALTHY RELATIONSHIP,

YOU NEED
TO PICK YOUR BATTLES.

LOOK AT ME. YOU'RE NOT IN LOVE.
YOU'RE SICK.

YOU'VE GOT DEVLIN-ITIS!

WOW, SOUNDS LIKE SOMEONE DOESN'T
WANT TO BE MATRON OF HONOR.

DANA, HOW ABOUT YOU?
CAN YOU BE THIN BY THURSDAY?

CINDY, HONEY, I REALLY THINK

MAYBE YOU NEED TO BE
ALONE FOR A LITTLE WHILE. HUH?

HEY, IS THAT TIM
COMING BACK?

OH, HOMER TIM-SON,
YOU CAME BACK!

I LOVE YOU, TOO.

I WAS TESTING YOU.

OH, I DIDN'T GET THAT!
OH, DO IT AGAIN.

NO, NO, NO, NO.

MAYBE YOU SHOULD GO.

REALLY? ARE YOU SURE
YOU WOULDN'T RATHER...

(imitates squeaking noise)

I SUPPOSE I GOT TEN MINUTES.

(all) ANDY!

I MEAN, NO, NO.

(sighs) GOOD-BYE, CINDY.

SUDDENLY I'M... ALL ALONE.

WILL I EVER FIND LOVE...

OH, A PUPPY!

I'M GONNA CUT OFF YOUR TAGS
AND TAKE YOU HOME!

YOU OKAY?

YEAH, YEAH. I GUESS
I WAS IN OVER MY HEAD.

IT'S JUST NICE
HAVING SOMEONE AROUND.

(Jim) SOMEONE AROUND?

YOU MEAN AN ANNOYING LUNATIC
WHO'S TRYING TO STEAL YOUR SOUL?

YOU DIDN'T
LET ME FINISH.

I MEAN, HAVING SOMEONE
AROUND THIS GENERAL AREA.

WE WANT YOU TO BE HAPPY,

BUT YOU GOTTA FIND SOMEONE
WHO LETS YOU BE YOU.

YEAH, THERE'S A SPECIAL GIRL
OUT THERE FOR YOU,

PROBABLY IN RUSSIA,
SCRUBBING FLOORS.

THANKS, GUYS.
YOU'RE THE BEST.

AW... WELL, LET'S GO BACK TO
BEING THAT GUY THAT YOU WERE, HUH?

FORGET THE DEVLINS.
YOU'RE DONE WITH THE DEVLINS.

YOU'RE RIGHT.

YEAH! ANDY-HAM LINCOLN
DOESN'T WEAR THESE ANYMORE.

(gasps)

I, UH... I'M NOT WEARING
MY SPEEDO, AM I?

NO.

NO, YOU'RE NOT.

SHE DID DO A GOOD JOB
ON THAT WAXING.

OH.