According to Jim (2001–2009): Season 5, Episode 15 - Mr. Right - full transcript
Jim ruins a trip to movies by stopping at a place where he claimed they met Eric Estrada a decade ago, but according to Cheryl it was someone else and they've been arguing about it ever since. Then an opportunity to solve it arises.
Are you wondering how healthy the food you are eating is? Check it - foodval.com
---
ALL RIGHT. HONEY, ARE... ARE
YOU SURE YOU'RE OKAY
PLAYING A BOARD GAME
INSTEAD OF WATCHING SPORTS?
HONEY, THEY HAVE PLAYOFFS
EVERY YEAR.
YEAH.
BESIDES, YOU GIRLS DO PLENTY
FOR US. AM I RIGHT?
IT'S SO TRUE.
OH.
LET'S PLAY. COME ON.
DANA, YOU'RE UP.
ALL RIGHT, UM...
I GET THIS ONE, RIGHT?
(Ryan) YOU GOT IT.
(Dana) YEAH. JIM.
I'M READY.
OKAY, "YOU ARE ON A PLANE.
"AN ATTRACTIVE PASSENGER
OF THE OPPOSITE SEX OFFERS YOU
"A NO-STRINGS-ATTACHED
INTIMATE ENCOUNTER."
OH.
"THERE IS NO WAY ANYONE
WILL EVER FIND OUT."
DO YOU ACCEPT?
ABSOLUTELY!
WHAT?
ABSOLUTELY.
IF THE REF DON'T SEE IT,
IT DIDN'T HAPPEN.
OH, COME ON.
NO, THAT'S THE TRUTH,
RIGHT? AMEN TO THAT.
SEE THAT?
YOU, TOO?
OH, COME ON.
IT'S SEX ON A PLANE.
THAT'S MY THING.
YEAH!
THAT'S DISGUSTING.
I CAN'T EVEN BE HERE FOR THIS.
I AM NOT PLAYING
THIS STUPID GAME ANYMORE.
WHAT? COME ON.
(Ryan) GUYS.
I-I GOT THAT ONE RIGHT.
WE'RE WINNIN'.
I GOT FOUR POINTS.
OKAY, BACK TO THE REAL GAME.
YEAH.
♪♪♪
DO AN ARABESQUE
LIKE WE SHOWED YOU.
WHY? IT'S YOUR STUPID
BALLET RECITAL.
BUT OUR TEACHER SAID
THE BEST WAY TO LEARN
IS TO TEACH SOMEBODY ELSE.
THEN TEACH KYLE.
BOYS DON'T DANCE.
FINE.
LUCKY FOR YOU, I JUST CAME
FROM MY HIP-HOP CLASS.
(camera shutter clicks)
HEY! GIVE ME THAT!
NO, CHERYL, NO.
IT WAS A CHINESE LAUNDRY.
THEN IT WAS A COFFEE SHOP.
NO, JIM.
IT WAS A MEXICAN RESTAURANT.
WE HAD A FIGHT THERE
BECAUSE YOU KEPT SAYING
"FELIZ NAVIDAD"
WAS THE MEXICAN
NATIONAL ANTHEM.
NO, CHERYL.
WHAT ARE YOU GUYS DOIN' HOME
SO EARLY?
WHY ARE YOU
DRESSED LIKE THAT?
'CAUSE MY MILK SHAKE BRINGS
ALL THE GIRLS TO THE YARD.
WE'RE HOME EARLY BECAUSE
WE MISSED THE MOVIE
BECAUSE THIS ONE
INSISTED ON STOPPING
AT THE COFFEE SHOP
ON ROOSEVELT
TO ASK IF IT USED
TO BE A CHINESE LAUNDRY.
IT WAS.
IT WAS NOT.
IT WAS A MEXICAN RESTAURANT.
CHINESE LAUNDRY!
OH, GOD.
IT'S THE ERIK ESTRADA STORY
ALL OVER AGAIN.
ANDREW!
WE DO NOT SAY THAT NAME
IN THIS HOUSE.
WHAT'S THE ERIK
ESTRADA STORY? OH.
I'M GLAD YOU ASKED, RYAN.
(Dana) OH, GOD.
I'M GONNA NEED BOOZE
FOR THIS.
IT WAS A BEAUTIFUL
SPRING EVENING,
AND MY LOVE AND I WERE WALKING
HAND IN HAND DOWN THE STREET.
SUDDENLY, A CAR PULLED UP,
THE WINDOW ROLLED DOWN
AND A FAMOUS FACE APPEARED.
JIM, IF YOU'RE
GOIN' FOR SUSPENSE HERE,
YOU SHOULDN'T CALL IT
THE "ERIK ESTRADA STORY."
IT WAS JUST SOME GUY
WITH NICE HAIR AND A BIG SMILE.
NOT FAMOUS,
NOT ERIK ESTRADA.
DON'T YOU THINK I WOULD KNOW
IF IT WAS ERIK ESTRADA?
I WATCHED EVERY SINGLE
ONE OF THOSE "CHiPs" EPISODES,
AND IF FRANK "PONCH" PONCHERELLO
ASKED ME
FOR DIRECTIONS
TO THE OLD ORCHARD MALL,
BY GOD, I'M GONNA KNOW HIM!
OH!
JIM, PONCH WAS
A HIGHWAY PATROL OFFICER.
IF HE NEEDED DIRECTIONS
TO THE MALL,
ALL HE HAD TO DO
WAS CALL INTO DISPATCH.
YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN?
"HEY, IT'S PONCH.
"WHERE'S THE MALL? I GOTTA FIND
THE MALL. WHERE AM I GOIN'?"
JIM, WHY WOULD ERIK ESTRADA
WANT TO GO
TO THE OLD ORCHARD MALL, HUH?
HMM, LET ME THINK.
TO BUY SOMETHING.
OH!
THEY DO HAVE THAT STORE
"JUST PLACEMATS"
THAT SELLS JUST PLACEMATS.
I SEE. SO ERIK ESTRADA
IS GOING TO THE MALL
TO BUY PLACEMATS.
HONEY, MAYBE
HE WAS RESEARCHING A ROLE.
YEAH, YEAH, ABOUT A GUY
WHO NEEDS PLACEMATS. OH.
NO, THEY CUSTOM MAKE 'EM.
YOU JUST GIVE 'EM A PHOTO,
BUT NOT ANY PHOTO.
THEY HAVE RULES.
ANYWAY,
SO ERIK SAYS TO ME...
NOT ERIK! SOME GUY.
AND WELCOME TO THE LAST
TEN YEARS OF MY LIFE.
TEN YEARS?
MM-HMM.
COME ON. YOU GUYS NEED
TO LET IT GO.
OHH, RIGHT.
"LET IT GO"?
"LET IT GO," YOU SAY,
YOUNG RYAN?
NO!
I'M NOT GONNA
LET THIS ONE GO.
YOU KNOW WHY?
BECAUSE I CAN WIN THIS ONE.
IT'S A TRUE OR FALSE.
IF IT WAS AN ESSAY QUESTION,
I'D LET IT GO.
BECAUSE WHEN MEN AND WOMEN
DEBATE
OVER EMOTIONS OR OPINIONS,
THAT'S AN ESSAY QUESTION,
AND GUYS ALWAYS LOSE.
WHY DO WE LOSE, YOU SAY?
BECAUSE WOMEN
TRY TO CONFUSE YOU
WITH THEIR FEELINGS
AND THEIR TRICKY DEVIL WORDS.
YEAH.
WE LEARN THEM AT CAMP
IN BETWEEN PILLOW FIGHTS
AND KISSING PRACTICE.
BUT WHEN IT COMES DOWN TO FACTS
OR RIGHT OR WRONG,
MAN MUST STAND BY THE TRUTH.
GALILEO DID IT.
ISAAC NEWTON DID IT.
JIM'S GONNA DO IT.
I GAVE ERIK ESTRADA DIRECTIONS
TO THE OLD ORCHARD MALL,
AND HE GAVE ME THE GUNS.
IT WAS NOT ERIK ESTRADA,
AND IT WAS THE THUMB'S UP!
GUNS!
THUMBS UP!
GUNS! (clicks tongue)
THUMBS UP!
(arguing continues) ISN'T IT SWEET?
AFTER 15 YEARS, THEY STILL HAVEN'T
RUN OUT OF POINTLESS CRAP
TO FIGHT ABOUT.
LET'S BE LIKE THEM.
LET'S NOT.
OH! BABY.
OH!
JIM, BIG NEWS.
YEAH?
GUESS WHAT I LEARNED
ON THE INTERNET LAST NIGHT?
OH, ANDY,
THOSE ARE SUGAR PILLS.
IT'S NOT GONNA
GET ANY BIGGER.
TALK TO ME IN THREE WEEKS.
BUT THAT'S NOT WHAT I MEAN.
I WENT ON TO AN OFFICIAL
ERIK ESTRADA FAN SITE.
OH, OH! DID IT SAY
HE WAS AT THE OLD ORCHARD MALL?
NO, IT DIDN'T LIST
ALL THE MALLS HE'S BEEN TO,
BUT IT DID SAY
THAT HE'S IN TOWN RIGHT NOW.
YEAH, YEAH, YEAH.
HE'S DOIN', LIKE,
A CHARITY POKER TOURNAMENT
ON A RIVERBOAT DOWN IN JOLIET.
OH, THIS IS GOIN' ON
RIGHT NOW... TODAY.
WE GOTTA GET DOWN THERE.
I'M GONNA PROVE TO CHERYL
ONCE AND FOR ALL SHE'S WRONG!
WHOA, WHOA, WHOA, WHOA. WHAT
ABOUT THE GIRLS' BALLET RECITAL?
BALLET RECITAL?
THEY HAD ONE A MONTH AGO.
THAT WAS A YEAR AGO...
AND IT'S TONIGHT.
YOU THINK WE'LL MAKE IT
BACK IN TIME?
LISTEN,
I GOTTA TAKE THAT CHANCE.
AND THROUGH
THE MAGIC OF VIDEOTAPE,
MR. HENRY ENRIQUE ESTRADA
IS GONNA TELL CHERYL
THAT SHE IS WRONG,
WRONG, WRONG.
OH, HEY, AND I'LL GET HIM
TO RECORD
A NEW OUTGOING
CELL PHONE MESSAGE.
WHAT'S THE MATTER,
YOUR SNOOP DOGG'S
NOT WORKIN' NO MORE?
LEAVE A MIZZLE AT THE TIZZLE.
COME ON, LET'S GO.
THERE HE IS.
(Andy) OH, WOW.
OH, JIM, TO WALK IN THAT MAN'S
SHOES FOR ONE DAY.
YEAH.
THE STORIES, THE DELIGHTS...
OH, THE WOMEN, JIM.
OH, GOD, THE WOMEN.
SETTLE DOWN, ANDY.
WE DON'T NEED ANOTHER
NEIL DIAMOND INCIDENT HERE.
WELL, I WANTED TO SEE
IF HIS SHIRT WAS MADE OF SILK.
SO YOU ASK HIM,
YOU DON'T HUG HIM.
COME ON.
HI, PLAYERS.
HI.
ARE YOU REGISTERED
FOR THE TOURNAMENT?
ARE WE REGISTERED
FOR THE TOURNAMENT?
(laughs)
COME ON.
WE REGISTERED EARLY.
WE'RE PROBABLY THE FIRST
TWO NAMES ON THE LIST.
OKAY, SO YOU'RE SUNITI PONNURU
AND EVELYN CHEN?
YEAH. I'M PROBABLY
THE FIRST ONE.
LOOK, I JUST NEED TO TALK
TO MR. ESTRADA FOR TWO MINUTES.
AND BY THE WAY, YOU LOOK
VERY FETCHING IN THAT VEST
AND STRAW BOATER.
I'M SORRY. IF YOU HAVEN'T
ALREADY REGISTERED,
THE ONLY WAY
TO PLAY WITH MR. ESTRADA
IS TO WIN
THE SATELLITE TOURNAMENT.
WH-WHAT'S THE BUY IN?
300 BUCKS.
SIGN ME UP.
WH-WHOA, WHOA.
ARE YOU SURE ABOUT THAT,
SUNITI?
THAT'S A LOT OF RUPEES.
I MAY BREW TWO POTS OF COFFEE
WITH THE SAME GROUNDS,
I MAY BUY MY SNOW TIRES
AT THE JUNKYARD,
I MAY EVEN BUILD
MY OWN TOOTHBRUSHES...
BUT TO PROVE CHERYL WRONG,
$300... I COULD SPEND
IN A HEARTBEAT.
EVEN 350.
SO, EVELYN CHEN...
MOVE TO THE SIDE,
BECAUSE I FEEL LUCKY TODAY!
OUT 900 BUCKS
UNDER 2 DIFFERENT NAMES,
AND I STILL DIDN'T
GET TO TALK TO ESTRADA.
DID YOU SEE
THAT MAN'S HAIR, JIM?
PICTURE ME
WITH ESTRADA'S HAIR.
NO.
THINK OF THE WOMEN I COULD PULL
WITH THAT RAVEN MANE.
HEY, IF I HAD HIS HAIR
AND YOUR CALVES,
THEN THEY'D SEE.
THEY'D ALL SEE.
HEY, HEY, HEY, BUDDY,
UH, CAN YOU GET SOMEONE
TO BRING THIS BOAT
OVER TO THE DOCK THERE?
I-I GOTTA GET
TO MY DAUGHTER'S RECITAL.
IT'S REALLY IMPORTANT. I'M GONNA
BE LATE. YEAH, IT'S HIS LITTLE GIRLS'.
I'M SORRY, SIR.
STATE LAW ONLY ALLOWS GAMBLING
WHEN WE'RE CRUISING.
WE ONLY DOCK AT THE TOP OF EVERY
HOUR TO LET PEOPLE ON AND OFF.
HEY, ANDY,
CAN YOU GREASE HIM?
YOU WANT ME TO KILL HIM?
BRIBE HIM!
SORRY, I SPENT 129 BUCKS
ON THIS BOATER.
I'M BROKE AND LATE.
YOU KNOW WHAT?
THAT'S ABOUT 10 FEET.
I THINK WE CAN MAKE IT.
WHOA. JIM, JIM,
I DON'T KNOW.
GRAVITY IS NOT MY FRIEND.
YEAH, WELL,
MY MIGHTY CALVES
ARE STRONG ENOUGH
FOR THE BOTH OF US.
ONE, TWO, THREE...
AAH!
AAH!
("CHiPs" theme song playing)
(classical music playing)
WHERE THE HELL
ARE JIM AND ANDY?
(sighs) WHO KNOWS?
THEY PROBABLY FOUND
AN OLD REFRIGERATOR BOX
AND DECIDED TO PLAY FORT.
MAN, IF THEY'RE PLAYIN' FORT
AND I'M STUCK AT THIS RECITAL...
(water sloshing)
(whispering) CHERYL?
CHERYL?
(Andy) AHEM.
SORRY WE'RE LATE.
IT'S NOT EVERY DAY
YOU SAVE A DROWNING BABY.
OH, LOOK,
SHE LOOKS SO CUTE.
AAH! AAH.
(Andy) HEY. SHH.
SO WHAT WAS THE BABY DOING
IN THE FROZEN POND?
THAT'S A QUESTION
FOR THE PARENTS.
AND WHERE WERE THE PARENTS?
I DON'T KNOW.
PROBABLY AT THE BOTTOM...
IN THE CAR.
JIM, THIS IS THE WORST LIE
YOU'VE EVER TOLD ME.
OH, PIRATES ON LAKE MICHIGAN
WAS MUCH WORSE.
WHAT'S REALLY GOING ON?
ALL RIGHT. ERIK ESTRADA WAS
PLAYIN' POKER ON A RIVERBOAT.
I LOST 900 BUCKS,
I ENDED UP IN THE RIVER...
YOU CONNECT THE DOTS.
WILL I BE HEARING
FROM THE POLICE TONIGHT?
EH, SOMETIMES,
THEY CHECK FAKE NAMES,
SOMETIMES, THEY DON'T.
JIM, ALL THIS JUST TO MEET
ERIK ESTRADA?
AGAIN, CHERYL.
MEET HIM AGAIN.
WOULD YOU JUST ADMIT IT?
YOU'RE ADDICTED TO BEING RIGHT.
NO, YOU'RE JUST JEALOUS, CHERYL.
OF WHAT? OF ME BEING
RIGHT MORE THAN YOU.
OH.
YEAH.
COME ON.
OH, IS THAT SO?
YES, THAT'S SO. SO?
OH, THAT'S VERY INTERESTING.
THEN WHY DO I HAVE A BOOK FILLED
WITH DETAILED DESCRIPTIONS,
INCLUDING PHOTOS, RECEIPTS,
AND SIGNED AFFIDAVITS,
OF EVERY TIME
YOU HAVE EVER BEEN WRONG?
WHAT?
OH, YEAH, JIM. OH, YEAH.
I WRITE IT ALL DOWN,
BECAUSE I KNEW
THIS DAY WAS COMIN'.
HOW FAR DOES THIS GO BACK?
ALL THE WAY, BABY!
OUR FIRST DATE?
YES, JIM. PAULY SHORE
IS NOT A BEACH IN NEW JERSEY.
"THE THIRD DATE...
JIM INSISTS
"THAT JOAN OF ARC
WAS MARRIED TO NOAH."
SHE WAS!
SHE WAS NOT!
THEN WHY DID THEY HAVE
THE SAME LAST NAME?
YOU SEE? YOU SEE? THIS IS WHY
I HAVE TO WRITE EVERYTHING DOWN,
TO PROVE I'M NOT CRAZY.
OH, OH, "THE GIANT BOOK
OF JIM'S WRONGS"
PROVES THAT YOU'RE NOT CRAZY?
YEAH, YEAH, YEAH, IT DOES.
IT DOES, JIM.
YOU KNOW WHY? YOU KNOW WHY?
'CAUSE WHEN YOU'RE WRONG,
IT MEANS I'M RIGHT.
AND IT'S TASTY, JIM,
IT'S REAL TASTY.
OKAY, WELL...
I SEE WHERE MAYBE WE BOTH
MAY HAVE A LITTLE PROBLEM.
(sighs) AH, YOU'RE RIGHT.
WE BOTH HAVE TO BE RIGHT.
WE CAN'T EVER
LET ANYTHING GO.
YOU KNOW
WHAT'S SAD ABOUT IT?
HUH?
I DON'T EVEN REALLY LIKE
BEING RIGHT ANYMORE.
IT'S MORE LIKE A HABIT.
I DON'T KNOW.
I STILL LIKE IT.
OH. WE HAVE TO CHANGE, JIM.
WE HAVE TO.
NO, YOU'RE RIGHT.
WE SHOULD CHANGE.
(sighs)
YOU KNOW WHAT?
WE CAN HELP EACH OTHER.
LET'S HELP EACH OTHER
TO LEARN TO LET GO.
ALL RIGHT. ALL RIGHT.
YOU KNOW WHAT?
THE ERIK ESTRADA STORY
IS OVER.
OH. OKAY.
UNLESS...
YOU WANNA GO DOWN TO HIS HOTEL
AND FIND OUT FOR SURE.
IT'S A GREAT IDEA.
YOU KNOW WHAT?
WE'LL TAKE ELM STREET
'CAUSE MAIN
IS FULL OF CONSTRUCTION.
NO, NO, NO, MAIN IS CLEAR.
IT'S PINE THAT'S GOT
THE CONSTRUCTION.
I'M BRINGIN' THE BOOK!
FINE, FINE. BRING THE BOOK.
YOU CAN BRING THE BOOK.
ARE YOU SURE
THIS IS ERIK ESTRADA'S CAR?
YEAH, I GREASED
THE PARKING ATTENDANT.
YOU KILLED HIM?
I PAID HIM OFF!
LOOK, LOOK, HONEY,
HE HAS A PINE AIR FRESHENER.
NO, NO, THAT'S JASMINE.
THAT'S PINE.
IT'S JASMINE.
I CAN SMELL IT FROM HERE.
OH, YOU CAN'T SMELL JASMINE. IT
SMELLS LIKE THE CHINESE LAUNDRY
THAT'S NOW A COFFEE SHOP.
THAT IS RIDICULOUS.
IF ANYTHING, IT SMELLS
LIKE A PINE FOREST...
CHERYL, CHERYL,
LOOK, LOOK, LOOK! OH.
MR. ESTRADA, MR. ESTRADA...
WE HAVE A QUESTION FOR YOU.
YEAH, JUST ONE QUESTION. NO, NO,
NO, LOOK, I DON'T HAVE ANY CHANGE.
(Cheryl) NO, NO, NO, IT'S
NOT THAT. NO, IT'S NOT THAT.
WERE YOU EVER
AT THE OLD ORCHARD MALL?
REALLY, I GOTTA RUN.
TAKE CARE. NO, NO, NO!
IT WAS ABOUT TEN YEARS AGO!
TEN YEARS AGO! REMEMBER ME?
TEN YEARS AGO!
REMEMBER ME? I ASKED YOU...
I GAVE YOU DIRECTIONS!
WAIT, MR. ESTRADA!
MR. ESTRA... HENRY!
OH, THIS CLOSE!
WE WEREN'T CLOSE, JIM.
YES, WE WERE!
WE'RE DONE. IT'S SETTLED.
HE DOESN'T REMEMBER YOU.
HE DIDN'T HEAR ME, CHERYL.
OH, COME ON.
HE IS DEAF IN ONE EAR.
GO... GO ON THE INTERNET.
CHECK IT OUT YOURSELF.
YOU KNOW, JIM, HE HEARD YOU.
HE JUST DIDN'T SAY YES,
WHICH MEANS I AM RIGHT.
IT DOESN'T MEAN
YOU'RE RIGHT, CHERYL.
OH, YEAH?
THEN WHY AM I DANCIN', JIM?
WHY AM I DANCIN'?
STOP THAT.
HUH?
STOP THAT. NOW...
NOW YOU'RE... YOU'RE...
YOU'RE RUBBIN' IT... WHOO!
MR. ESTRADA! MR. ESTRADA!
WAIT A MINUTE,
MR. ESTRADA!
UNH!
(Cheryl) JIM!
HEY! HEY!
DO YOU REMEMBER ME?
(brakes screech)
GET OFF MY CAR, LOCO!
I WAS
AT THE OLD ORCHARD MALL!
I GAVE YOU DIRECTIONS!
AAH! MR. ESTRADA!
OOH! UNH!
GET OFF MY CAR, BUDDY!
NO! YOU GAVE ME THE GUNS!
JIM! GET OFF!
AAH!
(brakes screech)
OH! OH, GOD.
MA'AM?
YES?
HE'LL BE OKAY, BUT HE MAY HAVE
A CONCUSSION,
SO WE'LL BRING HIM
TO THE HOSPITAL FOR OBSERVATION.
OH, THANKS.
HONEY, DID YOU HEAR THAT?
YOU'RE GOING TO THE HOSPITAL,
BUT I'M GONNA RIDE
IN THE AMBULANCE WITH YOU.
CHERYL, COME CLOSER.
THIS PARKING LOT
IS $10 AN HOUR.
TAKE THE CAR...
AND WHEN
YOU GET TO THE HOSPITAL,
PARK ON THE STREET.
OKAY, BABY.
HE'S BACK.
USE THE METERS.
YOU GOT COINS?
YES, HONEY,
I GOT COINS.
IS HE GONNA BE OKAY?
HI.
IS HE GONNA BE OKAY...
YOUR HUSBAND?
OH... OH, HIM. OH, YES.
HE'S GONNA BE FINE.
OH, THAT'S GREAT. LISTEN,
I'M SORRY ABOUT ALL THIS.
OH.
DO I KNOW YOU?
UH, NO, NO, I-I DON'T...
I DON'T THINK SO. NO.
WAIT A MINUTE. I KNOW.
YOU GAVE ME DIRECTIONS ONCE.
NO, NO, NO, I-I DON'T...
YOU SEE,
I-I JUST MOVED TO THIS COUNTRY.
I JUST LEARNED ENGLISH.
I-I MEAN, THE ENGLISH.
YOU WERE WITH SOME GUY.
HE GAVE ME DIRECTIONS
TO OLD ORCHARD MALL.
O-OKAY, OKAY,
W-WHAT IS A STAR LIKE YOU
DOING GOING TO THE MALL?
IT WAS
MY NEPHEW'S GRADUATION.
I BOUGHT HIM
SOME PLACEMATS.
OF COURSE, YOU DID.
YEAH,
THEY WERE PRETTY FUNNY.
USUALLY, THEY DON'T LET
YOU DO PICTURES OF YOUR BUTT,
BUT... (clicks tongue)
I'M ERIK ESTRADA.
YOU GOT TO SPEAK TO
ERIK ESTRADA? YEAH.
DID HE SAY ANYTHING
ABOUT THE OLD ORCHARD MALL?
NEVER BEEN THERE.
WOW. I MUST BE...
WRONG.
YEAH. WELL, BUT HONEY,
LOOK AT THE BRIGHT SIDE.
NOW WE CAN REALLY LET IT GO.
SO I'LL JUST WRITE IT DOWN
IN THE BOOK,
AND WE CAN
GET ON WITH OUR LIVES.
ERIK!
HEY, BUDDY.
I JUST BROUGHT YOU THESE FLOWERS
TO SAY THAT I'M SORRY
AND THAT YOU SHOULDN'T
TRY TO SUE ME,
BECAUSE MY LAWYERS
ARE BETTER THAN YOURS.
I'M NOT GONNA SUE ANYBODY.
LOOK, YOU JUMP ON A MOVING CAR,
YOU TAKE YOUR CHANCES.
AND THANK YOU
FOR STOPPIN' BY,
BUT JIM
REALLY NEEDS HIS REST.
SO IF YOU WANNA
JUST GO, GO, GO.
HEY, CONGRATS
ON MARRYIN' UP.
WHEN WE FIRST MET,
I DIDN'T THINK YOU HAD A SHOT.
I'LL BE SEEIN' YOU.
PONCH, FREEZE!
WHAT DID YOU MEAN
BY "WHEN WE FIRST MET"?
TEN YEARS AGO. YOU GAVE ME
DIRECTIONS TO OLD ORCHARD MALL.
THANKS, BY THE WAY.
THOSE DIRECTIONS WERE PERFECT.
NO, THANK YOU,
MR. ESTRADA.
THANK YOU VERY, VERY MUCH.
IT'S SO TASTY!
HEY, HEY, HEY, HEY,
ONE MORE QUESTION.
YOU KNOW THAT COFFEE SHOP
THAT'S DOWN ON ROOSEVELT?
OH, YEAH, THE ONE THAT USED
TO BE THE CHINESE LAUNDRY.
WHAT AM I DOIN', CHERYL?
CHERYL, WHAT AM I DOIN'?
I'M DANCIN', CHERYL.
I'M DANCIN'!
(clicks tongue)
("CHiPs" theme song playing)
(clicks tongue)
---
ALL RIGHT. HONEY, ARE... ARE
YOU SURE YOU'RE OKAY
PLAYING A BOARD GAME
INSTEAD OF WATCHING SPORTS?
HONEY, THEY HAVE PLAYOFFS
EVERY YEAR.
YEAH.
BESIDES, YOU GIRLS DO PLENTY
FOR US. AM I RIGHT?
IT'S SO TRUE.
OH.
LET'S PLAY. COME ON.
DANA, YOU'RE UP.
ALL RIGHT, UM...
I GET THIS ONE, RIGHT?
(Ryan) YOU GOT IT.
(Dana) YEAH. JIM.
I'M READY.
OKAY, "YOU ARE ON A PLANE.
"AN ATTRACTIVE PASSENGER
OF THE OPPOSITE SEX OFFERS YOU
"A NO-STRINGS-ATTACHED
INTIMATE ENCOUNTER."
OH.
"THERE IS NO WAY ANYONE
WILL EVER FIND OUT."
DO YOU ACCEPT?
ABSOLUTELY!
WHAT?
ABSOLUTELY.
IF THE REF DON'T SEE IT,
IT DIDN'T HAPPEN.
OH, COME ON.
NO, THAT'S THE TRUTH,
RIGHT? AMEN TO THAT.
SEE THAT?
YOU, TOO?
OH, COME ON.
IT'S SEX ON A PLANE.
THAT'S MY THING.
YEAH!
THAT'S DISGUSTING.
I CAN'T EVEN BE HERE FOR THIS.
I AM NOT PLAYING
THIS STUPID GAME ANYMORE.
WHAT? COME ON.
(Ryan) GUYS.
I-I GOT THAT ONE RIGHT.
WE'RE WINNIN'.
I GOT FOUR POINTS.
OKAY, BACK TO THE REAL GAME.
YEAH.
♪♪♪
DO AN ARABESQUE
LIKE WE SHOWED YOU.
WHY? IT'S YOUR STUPID
BALLET RECITAL.
BUT OUR TEACHER SAID
THE BEST WAY TO LEARN
IS TO TEACH SOMEBODY ELSE.
THEN TEACH KYLE.
BOYS DON'T DANCE.
FINE.
LUCKY FOR YOU, I JUST CAME
FROM MY HIP-HOP CLASS.
(camera shutter clicks)
HEY! GIVE ME THAT!
NO, CHERYL, NO.
IT WAS A CHINESE LAUNDRY.
THEN IT WAS A COFFEE SHOP.
NO, JIM.
IT WAS A MEXICAN RESTAURANT.
WE HAD A FIGHT THERE
BECAUSE YOU KEPT SAYING
"FELIZ NAVIDAD"
WAS THE MEXICAN
NATIONAL ANTHEM.
NO, CHERYL.
WHAT ARE YOU GUYS DOIN' HOME
SO EARLY?
WHY ARE YOU
DRESSED LIKE THAT?
'CAUSE MY MILK SHAKE BRINGS
ALL THE GIRLS TO THE YARD.
WE'RE HOME EARLY BECAUSE
WE MISSED THE MOVIE
BECAUSE THIS ONE
INSISTED ON STOPPING
AT THE COFFEE SHOP
ON ROOSEVELT
TO ASK IF IT USED
TO BE A CHINESE LAUNDRY.
IT WAS.
IT WAS NOT.
IT WAS A MEXICAN RESTAURANT.
CHINESE LAUNDRY!
OH, GOD.
IT'S THE ERIK ESTRADA STORY
ALL OVER AGAIN.
ANDREW!
WE DO NOT SAY THAT NAME
IN THIS HOUSE.
WHAT'S THE ERIK
ESTRADA STORY? OH.
I'M GLAD YOU ASKED, RYAN.
(Dana) OH, GOD.
I'M GONNA NEED BOOZE
FOR THIS.
IT WAS A BEAUTIFUL
SPRING EVENING,
AND MY LOVE AND I WERE WALKING
HAND IN HAND DOWN THE STREET.
SUDDENLY, A CAR PULLED UP,
THE WINDOW ROLLED DOWN
AND A FAMOUS FACE APPEARED.
JIM, IF YOU'RE
GOIN' FOR SUSPENSE HERE,
YOU SHOULDN'T CALL IT
THE "ERIK ESTRADA STORY."
IT WAS JUST SOME GUY
WITH NICE HAIR AND A BIG SMILE.
NOT FAMOUS,
NOT ERIK ESTRADA.
DON'T YOU THINK I WOULD KNOW
IF IT WAS ERIK ESTRADA?
I WATCHED EVERY SINGLE
ONE OF THOSE "CHiPs" EPISODES,
AND IF FRANK "PONCH" PONCHERELLO
ASKED ME
FOR DIRECTIONS
TO THE OLD ORCHARD MALL,
BY GOD, I'M GONNA KNOW HIM!
OH!
JIM, PONCH WAS
A HIGHWAY PATROL OFFICER.
IF HE NEEDED DIRECTIONS
TO THE MALL,
ALL HE HAD TO DO
WAS CALL INTO DISPATCH.
YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN?
"HEY, IT'S PONCH.
"WHERE'S THE MALL? I GOTTA FIND
THE MALL. WHERE AM I GOIN'?"
JIM, WHY WOULD ERIK ESTRADA
WANT TO GO
TO THE OLD ORCHARD MALL, HUH?
HMM, LET ME THINK.
TO BUY SOMETHING.
OH!
THEY DO HAVE THAT STORE
"JUST PLACEMATS"
THAT SELLS JUST PLACEMATS.
I SEE. SO ERIK ESTRADA
IS GOING TO THE MALL
TO BUY PLACEMATS.
HONEY, MAYBE
HE WAS RESEARCHING A ROLE.
YEAH, YEAH, ABOUT A GUY
WHO NEEDS PLACEMATS. OH.
NO, THEY CUSTOM MAKE 'EM.
YOU JUST GIVE 'EM A PHOTO,
BUT NOT ANY PHOTO.
THEY HAVE RULES.
ANYWAY,
SO ERIK SAYS TO ME...
NOT ERIK! SOME GUY.
AND WELCOME TO THE LAST
TEN YEARS OF MY LIFE.
TEN YEARS?
MM-HMM.
COME ON. YOU GUYS NEED
TO LET IT GO.
OHH, RIGHT.
"LET IT GO"?
"LET IT GO," YOU SAY,
YOUNG RYAN?
NO!
I'M NOT GONNA
LET THIS ONE GO.
YOU KNOW WHY?
BECAUSE I CAN WIN THIS ONE.
IT'S A TRUE OR FALSE.
IF IT WAS AN ESSAY QUESTION,
I'D LET IT GO.
BECAUSE WHEN MEN AND WOMEN
DEBATE
OVER EMOTIONS OR OPINIONS,
THAT'S AN ESSAY QUESTION,
AND GUYS ALWAYS LOSE.
WHY DO WE LOSE, YOU SAY?
BECAUSE WOMEN
TRY TO CONFUSE YOU
WITH THEIR FEELINGS
AND THEIR TRICKY DEVIL WORDS.
YEAH.
WE LEARN THEM AT CAMP
IN BETWEEN PILLOW FIGHTS
AND KISSING PRACTICE.
BUT WHEN IT COMES DOWN TO FACTS
OR RIGHT OR WRONG,
MAN MUST STAND BY THE TRUTH.
GALILEO DID IT.
ISAAC NEWTON DID IT.
JIM'S GONNA DO IT.
I GAVE ERIK ESTRADA DIRECTIONS
TO THE OLD ORCHARD MALL,
AND HE GAVE ME THE GUNS.
IT WAS NOT ERIK ESTRADA,
AND IT WAS THE THUMB'S UP!
GUNS!
THUMBS UP!
GUNS! (clicks tongue)
THUMBS UP!
(arguing continues) ISN'T IT SWEET?
AFTER 15 YEARS, THEY STILL HAVEN'T
RUN OUT OF POINTLESS CRAP
TO FIGHT ABOUT.
LET'S BE LIKE THEM.
LET'S NOT.
OH! BABY.
OH!
JIM, BIG NEWS.
YEAH?
GUESS WHAT I LEARNED
ON THE INTERNET LAST NIGHT?
OH, ANDY,
THOSE ARE SUGAR PILLS.
IT'S NOT GONNA
GET ANY BIGGER.
TALK TO ME IN THREE WEEKS.
BUT THAT'S NOT WHAT I MEAN.
I WENT ON TO AN OFFICIAL
ERIK ESTRADA FAN SITE.
OH, OH! DID IT SAY
HE WAS AT THE OLD ORCHARD MALL?
NO, IT DIDN'T LIST
ALL THE MALLS HE'S BEEN TO,
BUT IT DID SAY
THAT HE'S IN TOWN RIGHT NOW.
YEAH, YEAH, YEAH.
HE'S DOIN', LIKE,
A CHARITY POKER TOURNAMENT
ON A RIVERBOAT DOWN IN JOLIET.
OH, THIS IS GOIN' ON
RIGHT NOW... TODAY.
WE GOTTA GET DOWN THERE.
I'M GONNA PROVE TO CHERYL
ONCE AND FOR ALL SHE'S WRONG!
WHOA, WHOA, WHOA, WHOA. WHAT
ABOUT THE GIRLS' BALLET RECITAL?
BALLET RECITAL?
THEY HAD ONE A MONTH AGO.
THAT WAS A YEAR AGO...
AND IT'S TONIGHT.
YOU THINK WE'LL MAKE IT
BACK IN TIME?
LISTEN,
I GOTTA TAKE THAT CHANCE.
AND THROUGH
THE MAGIC OF VIDEOTAPE,
MR. HENRY ENRIQUE ESTRADA
IS GONNA TELL CHERYL
THAT SHE IS WRONG,
WRONG, WRONG.
OH, HEY, AND I'LL GET HIM
TO RECORD
A NEW OUTGOING
CELL PHONE MESSAGE.
WHAT'S THE MATTER,
YOUR SNOOP DOGG'S
NOT WORKIN' NO MORE?
LEAVE A MIZZLE AT THE TIZZLE.
COME ON, LET'S GO.
THERE HE IS.
(Andy) OH, WOW.
OH, JIM, TO WALK IN THAT MAN'S
SHOES FOR ONE DAY.
YEAH.
THE STORIES, THE DELIGHTS...
OH, THE WOMEN, JIM.
OH, GOD, THE WOMEN.
SETTLE DOWN, ANDY.
WE DON'T NEED ANOTHER
NEIL DIAMOND INCIDENT HERE.
WELL, I WANTED TO SEE
IF HIS SHIRT WAS MADE OF SILK.
SO YOU ASK HIM,
YOU DON'T HUG HIM.
COME ON.
HI, PLAYERS.
HI.
ARE YOU REGISTERED
FOR THE TOURNAMENT?
ARE WE REGISTERED
FOR THE TOURNAMENT?
(laughs)
COME ON.
WE REGISTERED EARLY.
WE'RE PROBABLY THE FIRST
TWO NAMES ON THE LIST.
OKAY, SO YOU'RE SUNITI PONNURU
AND EVELYN CHEN?
YEAH. I'M PROBABLY
THE FIRST ONE.
LOOK, I JUST NEED TO TALK
TO MR. ESTRADA FOR TWO MINUTES.
AND BY THE WAY, YOU LOOK
VERY FETCHING IN THAT VEST
AND STRAW BOATER.
I'M SORRY. IF YOU HAVEN'T
ALREADY REGISTERED,
THE ONLY WAY
TO PLAY WITH MR. ESTRADA
IS TO WIN
THE SATELLITE TOURNAMENT.
WH-WHAT'S THE BUY IN?
300 BUCKS.
SIGN ME UP.
WH-WHOA, WHOA.
ARE YOU SURE ABOUT THAT,
SUNITI?
THAT'S A LOT OF RUPEES.
I MAY BREW TWO POTS OF COFFEE
WITH THE SAME GROUNDS,
I MAY BUY MY SNOW TIRES
AT THE JUNKYARD,
I MAY EVEN BUILD
MY OWN TOOTHBRUSHES...
BUT TO PROVE CHERYL WRONG,
$300... I COULD SPEND
IN A HEARTBEAT.
EVEN 350.
SO, EVELYN CHEN...
MOVE TO THE SIDE,
BECAUSE I FEEL LUCKY TODAY!
OUT 900 BUCKS
UNDER 2 DIFFERENT NAMES,
AND I STILL DIDN'T
GET TO TALK TO ESTRADA.
DID YOU SEE
THAT MAN'S HAIR, JIM?
PICTURE ME
WITH ESTRADA'S HAIR.
NO.
THINK OF THE WOMEN I COULD PULL
WITH THAT RAVEN MANE.
HEY, IF I HAD HIS HAIR
AND YOUR CALVES,
THEN THEY'D SEE.
THEY'D ALL SEE.
HEY, HEY, HEY, BUDDY,
UH, CAN YOU GET SOMEONE
TO BRING THIS BOAT
OVER TO THE DOCK THERE?
I-I GOTTA GET
TO MY DAUGHTER'S RECITAL.
IT'S REALLY IMPORTANT. I'M GONNA
BE LATE. YEAH, IT'S HIS LITTLE GIRLS'.
I'M SORRY, SIR.
STATE LAW ONLY ALLOWS GAMBLING
WHEN WE'RE CRUISING.
WE ONLY DOCK AT THE TOP OF EVERY
HOUR TO LET PEOPLE ON AND OFF.
HEY, ANDY,
CAN YOU GREASE HIM?
YOU WANT ME TO KILL HIM?
BRIBE HIM!
SORRY, I SPENT 129 BUCKS
ON THIS BOATER.
I'M BROKE AND LATE.
YOU KNOW WHAT?
THAT'S ABOUT 10 FEET.
I THINK WE CAN MAKE IT.
WHOA. JIM, JIM,
I DON'T KNOW.
GRAVITY IS NOT MY FRIEND.
YEAH, WELL,
MY MIGHTY CALVES
ARE STRONG ENOUGH
FOR THE BOTH OF US.
ONE, TWO, THREE...
AAH!
AAH!
("CHiPs" theme song playing)
(classical music playing)
WHERE THE HELL
ARE JIM AND ANDY?
(sighs) WHO KNOWS?
THEY PROBABLY FOUND
AN OLD REFRIGERATOR BOX
AND DECIDED TO PLAY FORT.
MAN, IF THEY'RE PLAYIN' FORT
AND I'M STUCK AT THIS RECITAL...
(water sloshing)
(whispering) CHERYL?
CHERYL?
(Andy) AHEM.
SORRY WE'RE LATE.
IT'S NOT EVERY DAY
YOU SAVE A DROWNING BABY.
OH, LOOK,
SHE LOOKS SO CUTE.
AAH! AAH.
(Andy) HEY. SHH.
SO WHAT WAS THE BABY DOING
IN THE FROZEN POND?
THAT'S A QUESTION
FOR THE PARENTS.
AND WHERE WERE THE PARENTS?
I DON'T KNOW.
PROBABLY AT THE BOTTOM...
IN THE CAR.
JIM, THIS IS THE WORST LIE
YOU'VE EVER TOLD ME.
OH, PIRATES ON LAKE MICHIGAN
WAS MUCH WORSE.
WHAT'S REALLY GOING ON?
ALL RIGHT. ERIK ESTRADA WAS
PLAYIN' POKER ON A RIVERBOAT.
I LOST 900 BUCKS,
I ENDED UP IN THE RIVER...
YOU CONNECT THE DOTS.
WILL I BE HEARING
FROM THE POLICE TONIGHT?
EH, SOMETIMES,
THEY CHECK FAKE NAMES,
SOMETIMES, THEY DON'T.
JIM, ALL THIS JUST TO MEET
ERIK ESTRADA?
AGAIN, CHERYL.
MEET HIM AGAIN.
WOULD YOU JUST ADMIT IT?
YOU'RE ADDICTED TO BEING RIGHT.
NO, YOU'RE JUST JEALOUS, CHERYL.
OF WHAT? OF ME BEING
RIGHT MORE THAN YOU.
OH.
YEAH.
COME ON.
OH, IS THAT SO?
YES, THAT'S SO. SO?
OH, THAT'S VERY INTERESTING.
THEN WHY DO I HAVE A BOOK FILLED
WITH DETAILED DESCRIPTIONS,
INCLUDING PHOTOS, RECEIPTS,
AND SIGNED AFFIDAVITS,
OF EVERY TIME
YOU HAVE EVER BEEN WRONG?
WHAT?
OH, YEAH, JIM. OH, YEAH.
I WRITE IT ALL DOWN,
BECAUSE I KNEW
THIS DAY WAS COMIN'.
HOW FAR DOES THIS GO BACK?
ALL THE WAY, BABY!
OUR FIRST DATE?
YES, JIM. PAULY SHORE
IS NOT A BEACH IN NEW JERSEY.
"THE THIRD DATE...
JIM INSISTS
"THAT JOAN OF ARC
WAS MARRIED TO NOAH."
SHE WAS!
SHE WAS NOT!
THEN WHY DID THEY HAVE
THE SAME LAST NAME?
YOU SEE? YOU SEE? THIS IS WHY
I HAVE TO WRITE EVERYTHING DOWN,
TO PROVE I'M NOT CRAZY.
OH, OH, "THE GIANT BOOK
OF JIM'S WRONGS"
PROVES THAT YOU'RE NOT CRAZY?
YEAH, YEAH, YEAH, IT DOES.
IT DOES, JIM.
YOU KNOW WHY? YOU KNOW WHY?
'CAUSE WHEN YOU'RE WRONG,
IT MEANS I'M RIGHT.
AND IT'S TASTY, JIM,
IT'S REAL TASTY.
OKAY, WELL...
I SEE WHERE MAYBE WE BOTH
MAY HAVE A LITTLE PROBLEM.
(sighs) AH, YOU'RE RIGHT.
WE BOTH HAVE TO BE RIGHT.
WE CAN'T EVER
LET ANYTHING GO.
YOU KNOW
WHAT'S SAD ABOUT IT?
HUH?
I DON'T EVEN REALLY LIKE
BEING RIGHT ANYMORE.
IT'S MORE LIKE A HABIT.
I DON'T KNOW.
I STILL LIKE IT.
OH. WE HAVE TO CHANGE, JIM.
WE HAVE TO.
NO, YOU'RE RIGHT.
WE SHOULD CHANGE.
(sighs)
YOU KNOW WHAT?
WE CAN HELP EACH OTHER.
LET'S HELP EACH OTHER
TO LEARN TO LET GO.
ALL RIGHT. ALL RIGHT.
YOU KNOW WHAT?
THE ERIK ESTRADA STORY
IS OVER.
OH. OKAY.
UNLESS...
YOU WANNA GO DOWN TO HIS HOTEL
AND FIND OUT FOR SURE.
IT'S A GREAT IDEA.
YOU KNOW WHAT?
WE'LL TAKE ELM STREET
'CAUSE MAIN
IS FULL OF CONSTRUCTION.
NO, NO, NO, MAIN IS CLEAR.
IT'S PINE THAT'S GOT
THE CONSTRUCTION.
I'M BRINGIN' THE BOOK!
FINE, FINE. BRING THE BOOK.
YOU CAN BRING THE BOOK.
ARE YOU SURE
THIS IS ERIK ESTRADA'S CAR?
YEAH, I GREASED
THE PARKING ATTENDANT.
YOU KILLED HIM?
I PAID HIM OFF!
LOOK, LOOK, HONEY,
HE HAS A PINE AIR FRESHENER.
NO, NO, THAT'S JASMINE.
THAT'S PINE.
IT'S JASMINE.
I CAN SMELL IT FROM HERE.
OH, YOU CAN'T SMELL JASMINE. IT
SMELLS LIKE THE CHINESE LAUNDRY
THAT'S NOW A COFFEE SHOP.
THAT IS RIDICULOUS.
IF ANYTHING, IT SMELLS
LIKE A PINE FOREST...
CHERYL, CHERYL,
LOOK, LOOK, LOOK! OH.
MR. ESTRADA, MR. ESTRADA...
WE HAVE A QUESTION FOR YOU.
YEAH, JUST ONE QUESTION. NO, NO,
NO, LOOK, I DON'T HAVE ANY CHANGE.
(Cheryl) NO, NO, NO, IT'S
NOT THAT. NO, IT'S NOT THAT.
WERE YOU EVER
AT THE OLD ORCHARD MALL?
REALLY, I GOTTA RUN.
TAKE CARE. NO, NO, NO!
IT WAS ABOUT TEN YEARS AGO!
TEN YEARS AGO! REMEMBER ME?
TEN YEARS AGO!
REMEMBER ME? I ASKED YOU...
I GAVE YOU DIRECTIONS!
WAIT, MR. ESTRADA!
MR. ESTRA... HENRY!
OH, THIS CLOSE!
WE WEREN'T CLOSE, JIM.
YES, WE WERE!
WE'RE DONE. IT'S SETTLED.
HE DOESN'T REMEMBER YOU.
HE DIDN'T HEAR ME, CHERYL.
OH, COME ON.
HE IS DEAF IN ONE EAR.
GO... GO ON THE INTERNET.
CHECK IT OUT YOURSELF.
YOU KNOW, JIM, HE HEARD YOU.
HE JUST DIDN'T SAY YES,
WHICH MEANS I AM RIGHT.
IT DOESN'T MEAN
YOU'RE RIGHT, CHERYL.
OH, YEAH?
THEN WHY AM I DANCIN', JIM?
WHY AM I DANCIN'?
STOP THAT.
HUH?
STOP THAT. NOW...
NOW YOU'RE... YOU'RE...
YOU'RE RUBBIN' IT... WHOO!
MR. ESTRADA! MR. ESTRADA!
WAIT A MINUTE,
MR. ESTRADA!
UNH!
(Cheryl) JIM!
HEY! HEY!
DO YOU REMEMBER ME?
(brakes screech)
GET OFF MY CAR, LOCO!
I WAS
AT THE OLD ORCHARD MALL!
I GAVE YOU DIRECTIONS!
AAH! MR. ESTRADA!
OOH! UNH!
GET OFF MY CAR, BUDDY!
NO! YOU GAVE ME THE GUNS!
JIM! GET OFF!
AAH!
(brakes screech)
OH! OH, GOD.
MA'AM?
YES?
HE'LL BE OKAY, BUT HE MAY HAVE
A CONCUSSION,
SO WE'LL BRING HIM
TO THE HOSPITAL FOR OBSERVATION.
OH, THANKS.
HONEY, DID YOU HEAR THAT?
YOU'RE GOING TO THE HOSPITAL,
BUT I'M GONNA RIDE
IN THE AMBULANCE WITH YOU.
CHERYL, COME CLOSER.
THIS PARKING LOT
IS $10 AN HOUR.
TAKE THE CAR...
AND WHEN
YOU GET TO THE HOSPITAL,
PARK ON THE STREET.
OKAY, BABY.
HE'S BACK.
USE THE METERS.
YOU GOT COINS?
YES, HONEY,
I GOT COINS.
IS HE GONNA BE OKAY?
HI.
IS HE GONNA BE OKAY...
YOUR HUSBAND?
OH... OH, HIM. OH, YES.
HE'S GONNA BE FINE.
OH, THAT'S GREAT. LISTEN,
I'M SORRY ABOUT ALL THIS.
OH.
DO I KNOW YOU?
UH, NO, NO, I-I DON'T...
I DON'T THINK SO. NO.
WAIT A MINUTE. I KNOW.
YOU GAVE ME DIRECTIONS ONCE.
NO, NO, NO, I-I DON'T...
YOU SEE,
I-I JUST MOVED TO THIS COUNTRY.
I JUST LEARNED ENGLISH.
I-I MEAN, THE ENGLISH.
YOU WERE WITH SOME GUY.
HE GAVE ME DIRECTIONS
TO OLD ORCHARD MALL.
O-OKAY, OKAY,
W-WHAT IS A STAR LIKE YOU
DOING GOING TO THE MALL?
IT WAS
MY NEPHEW'S GRADUATION.
I BOUGHT HIM
SOME PLACEMATS.
OF COURSE, YOU DID.
YEAH,
THEY WERE PRETTY FUNNY.
USUALLY, THEY DON'T LET
YOU DO PICTURES OF YOUR BUTT,
BUT... (clicks tongue)
I'M ERIK ESTRADA.
YOU GOT TO SPEAK TO
ERIK ESTRADA? YEAH.
DID HE SAY ANYTHING
ABOUT THE OLD ORCHARD MALL?
NEVER BEEN THERE.
WOW. I MUST BE...
WRONG.
YEAH. WELL, BUT HONEY,
LOOK AT THE BRIGHT SIDE.
NOW WE CAN REALLY LET IT GO.
SO I'LL JUST WRITE IT DOWN
IN THE BOOK,
AND WE CAN
GET ON WITH OUR LIVES.
ERIK!
HEY, BUDDY.
I JUST BROUGHT YOU THESE FLOWERS
TO SAY THAT I'M SORRY
AND THAT YOU SHOULDN'T
TRY TO SUE ME,
BECAUSE MY LAWYERS
ARE BETTER THAN YOURS.
I'M NOT GONNA SUE ANYBODY.
LOOK, YOU JUMP ON A MOVING CAR,
YOU TAKE YOUR CHANCES.
AND THANK YOU
FOR STOPPIN' BY,
BUT JIM
REALLY NEEDS HIS REST.
SO IF YOU WANNA
JUST GO, GO, GO.
HEY, CONGRATS
ON MARRYIN' UP.
WHEN WE FIRST MET,
I DIDN'T THINK YOU HAD A SHOT.
I'LL BE SEEIN' YOU.
PONCH, FREEZE!
WHAT DID YOU MEAN
BY "WHEN WE FIRST MET"?
TEN YEARS AGO. YOU GAVE ME
DIRECTIONS TO OLD ORCHARD MALL.
THANKS, BY THE WAY.
THOSE DIRECTIONS WERE PERFECT.
NO, THANK YOU,
MR. ESTRADA.
THANK YOU VERY, VERY MUCH.
IT'S SO TASTY!
HEY, HEY, HEY, HEY,
ONE MORE QUESTION.
YOU KNOW THAT COFFEE SHOP
THAT'S DOWN ON ROOSEVELT?
OH, YEAH, THE ONE THAT USED
TO BE THE CHINESE LAUNDRY.
WHAT AM I DOIN', CHERYL?
CHERYL, WHAT AM I DOIN'?
I'M DANCIN', CHERYL.
I'M DANCIN'!
(clicks tongue)
("CHiPs" theme song playing)
(clicks tongue)