According to Jim (2001–2009): Season 5, Episode 10 - Lean on Me - full transcript

Are you wondering how healthy the food you are eating is? Check it - foodval.com
---
HEY, WHAT...
WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE?

OUT OF MY HOUSE!

(screaming)

CHERYL?

CHERYL,
WHAT'S HAPPENING HERE?

WELL, REMEMBER LAST NIGHT
WHEN YOU SAID

YOU COULDN'T IMAGINE
WHAT I DO ALL DAY?

YEAH.

TODAY I DIDN'T DO IT.

♪♪♪

HEY!



HEY, HOW WAS BOWLING?

AH, WE LOST.
THOSE GUYS ARE PROS.

JIM, THOSE GUYS ARE 8.

AND THEY WERE GIRLS.

HONEY, THERE'S A MESSAGE
FOR YOU ON THE MACHINE.

YOUR, UM, OLD COLLEGE GIRLFRIEND
MELISSA EVANS.

AH!

NO WAY.
JIM WENT TO COLLEGE?

MELISSA EVANS...

MY GOD, I HAVEN'T
TALKED TO HER IN 15 YEARS.

HEY, WAS SHE THE ONE
WITH THE SHAKERS? YEAH.

MMM, SHAKERS.
DADDY LIKE.

NO, SALT AND PEPPER SHAKERS.
SHE COLLECTED THEM.

OH, CARRY ON.



ALTHOUGH, FOR THE RECORD,
SHE HAD SOME SHAKERS.

YEAH! THAT'S WHAT I WAS
TALKING ABOUT BEFORE! MMM!

ANYWAY, SHE'S IN TOWN.

SHE WANTED TO GET
TOGETHER FOR LUNCH. OH, YEAH?

OH, POOR THING MUST'VE
LOST A BET OR SOMETHING.

WELL, THAT IS ONE LUNCH DATE
THAT I AM NOT GONNA MAKE.

WHY NOT?

OH, COME ON.

EVERYBODY KNOWS THERE'S ONLY
ONE REASON FOR A MAN

TO HAVE FEMALE FRIENDS, OKAY?
AND IT'S NOT FRIENDSHIP.

OH, WOULD YOU
GET OVER YOURSELF?

IT SOUNDED LIKE
SHE JUST WANTED TO CATCH UP.

HMM, "WANTED TO CATCH UP."

LET ME LOOK AT THE MALE
TO FEMALE DICTIONARY HERE.

UH... OH, HERE IT IS.

"WANTS TO CATCH UP" MEANS "WANTS
TO TAKE A BUBBLE BATH WITH JIM."

JIM, YOU'RE BEING RIDICULOUS.
YOU KNOW, EVERY THURSDAY

I GO OUT WITH A BUNCH OF GUYS
FROM WORK. IT'S INNOCENT FUN.

RYAN'S TOTALLY COOL
WITH IT.

DANA, HONEY, YOU'RE DEALING
WITH A CAVEMAN HERE.

LESS LOGIC, MORE GRUNTING.

YOU'RE RIGHT! YOU'RE RIGHT!
I AM A CAVEMAN!

AND I'M PROUD OF IT!
AND, CHERYL, THE TRUTH IS...

YOU AND I ARE CUT FROM
THE SAME LOINCLOTH. OH.

IT'S TRUE!

DEEP DOWN INSIDE, WE BOTH HAVE
THE SAME BASE INSTINCTS.

THE ONLY DIFFERENCE IS
YOU PRETTY IT UP

WITH KINDNESS, CONSIDERATION
AND DAILY SHOWERS.

BUT WE ARE THE SAME.

OH, JIM, I'VE HEARD
THE CAVEMAN SPEECH BEFORE.

IT'S JUST AN EXCUSE
TO NOT USE A NAPKIN.

HONEY, CAN'T YOU JUST DIP
YOUR TOE INTO THE 21st CENTURY?

BE FRIENDS WITH A WOMAN,
EVOLVE.

CHERYL, I TRAFFIC IN FACTS
NOT EVOLUTION.

AND THE FACT IS,

NO WOMAN HAS EVER WANTED
TO BE FRIENDS WITH ME.

THIS MELISSA HAS GOT
AN AGENDA FOR ME!

I KNOW WHENEVER I CALL A WOMAN,
I ONLY HAVE ONE THING IN MIND.

ABDUCTION?

LOOK, HONEY, THINK OF THIS
AS AN OPPORTUNITY

TO BROADEN YOUR HORIZONS.

COME OUT OF THE CAVE AND HAVE
A GROWN-UP LUNCH WITH MELISSA

A MATURE,
SOPHISTICATED PERSON.

CHERYL, WHY DO YOU INSIST
ON THROWING ME

INTO THE ARMS OF
THESE OTHER WOMEN?

YOU DID THAT WITH THAT LADY
DENTIST WHO WAS HITTING ON ME.

SHE WAS A HYGIENIST, AND THAT'S
JUST WHERE THEIR BOOBS END UP.

FINE, BUT I'M TELLING YOU,

THIS MELISSA IS IN A
TIZZY TO GET BUSY. OH.

SHE IS STARVIN'
FOR MY MARVIN. JIM!

SHE IS READY FOR
MY FREDDIE. HEY!

SHE IS OUT FOR MY TROUT!
JIM!

SHE IS IN THIS FOR
THE BUSINESS! OKAY!

REMEMBER BEFORE WHEN I WAS
TALKING ABOUT SOMETHIN'?

WELL, I'M TALKING
ABOUT IT AGAIN! HUH?!

ALL RIGHT, FINE.

JIM, JUST GO TO LUNCH!
OKAY!

OKAY, I'M GONNA GO TO LUNCH JUST
TO PROVE TO YOU... OKAY, THANK YOU.

THAT I AM RIGHT.
OKAY.

NO, WAIT A MINUTE. SHE
INVITED ME, RIGHT? YES.

SO SHE HAS TO
PAY FOR LUNCH. YES.

FINE, THEN TOMORROW
WILL BE A PERFECT DAY.

OH, BUT YOU SHOULD PROBABLY
COVER THE TIP.

WELL, THEN I'LL HOPE
FOR BAD SERVICE.

JIM?
OH, HEY!

LOOK AT YOU!

YOU HAVEN'T
CHANGED A BIT!

HI, MELISSA.

OH, GET THAT THING OUTTA HERE.
I WANT A HUG!

OF COURSE YOU DO.

OH, GOSH!

YEAH.

LOOK AT US.
WE'RE HUGGING.

WELL, SIT DOWN. TELL ME
EVERYTHING! ALL RIGHT.

HOW'VE YOU BEEN?

WELL, I'VE BEEN GREAT,
TO BE HONEST WITH YOU.

I'VE GOT THIS GREAT LITTLE
CONSTRUCTION BUSINESS,

AND I'VE BEEN HAPPILY MARRIED
FOR 14 YEARS.

I GOT THREE KIDS. HERE...

THAT'S, UH, RUBY, GRACIE,
KYLE, 10, 9 AND 5.

OH, ARE THOSE PICTURES?

NO, IT'S JUST THEIR NAMES
AND AGES.

SO HOW ABOUT YOU?
YOU GOT FAMILY?

NO, I JUST GOT DIVORCED. THAT'S
WHY I'M BACK IN CHICAGO. OH.

YEAH, LET ME GUESS.
YOU'RE HERE TO START OVER?

IN FACT, THAT'S WHY
I LOOKED YOU UP.

MM-HMM.

I HAVE A PROPOSITION.

YEAH,
I THOUGHT YOU WOULD.

LOOK, I TAKE MY VOWS
VERY SERIOUSLY.

YOU'RE IN CONTRACTING.
I'M IN REAL ESTATE.

I THOUGHT WE COULD MAYBE
PARTNER UP

AND DO A LITTLE BUSINESS.

WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT...
VOWS?

CONTRACTING VOWS.

IT'S A BEAUTIFUL CEREMONY.

A LITTLE NOISY, A LOT OF
HAMMERING, BUT IT'S, UH...

I'M THINKING...
YEAH?

WE BUY INEXPENSIVE HOMES
AND FLIP 'EM.

WE COULD MAKE
A LOT OF MONEY.

IS THAT WHAT THIS IS ABOUT?
MAKING MONEY?

NO.

A BIG, FAT PILE OF MONEY!

COME ON, MELISSA, THERE IS
MORE TO LIFE THAN MONEY.

I'M KIDDING!

OH, YOU'RE FUNNY!

MONEY? I LOVE MONEY!

OH, LOOK AT YOU.

YOU KNOW, IT REALLY IS
NICE TO SEE YOU. YOU TOO.

I AM STARVING!

WELL, WE SHOULD ORDER.

AND SINCE I INVITED YOU
TO LUNCH, I INSIST ON PAYING.

OH, IS THAT THE CUSTOM?

THAT THE INVITER
PAYS FOR LUNCH... AND TIP?

AND VALET PARKING?

STILL CHEAP AND ADORABLE.

SO NOW WHEN YOU WAKE UP,

YOU WON'T REMEMBER ANYTHING
THAT I TOLD YOU.

YEAH, GOT IT.

WAKE UP.

WOW, YOU GUYS
ARE GREAT HYPNOTISTS.

I WAS TOTALLY HYPNOTIZED.
NOW TAKE A HIKE.

MISSISSIPPI.

I'M A PRETTY, PRETTY GIRL!

ANDY, THAT WAS SO SWEET.
THANK YOU FOR PLAYING ALONG.

HOW'S THAT NOW?

HEY, CHERYL, LOOK AT THIS.

SALT AND PEPPER SHAKERS
FROM MY FRIEND MELISSA.

WELL, WELL, WELL,

DID CAVEMAN JIM HAVE
A NICE LUNCH WITH A WOMAN?

YES, IT WAS VERY MODERN
AND SOPHISTICATED.

I USED NAPKINS.
WE HAD BOTTLED WATER.

AND I EVEN BEGGED HER PARDON
WHEN I BELCHED.

SO I WAS... SO YOU
WERE... LET ME SAY IT.

LET ME SAY IT...

YOU WERE RIGHT.
RIGHT AS RAIN MAN.

IT'S RIGHT AS RAIN,
JIM.

THAT DOESN'T MAKE ANY SENSE.
I MEAN, RAIN MAN WAS RIGHT

ABOUT HOW MANY TOOTHPICKS
WERE ON THE FLOOR.

OH, WHATEVER.
I WAS RIGHT ABOUT MELISSA!

OH, YEAH, YOU WERE.
AND YOU KNOW WHAT?

SHE'S MOVING BACK HERE
TO CHICAGO.

AND GUESS WHAT?
WHAT?

WE'RE TALKING ABOUT
PARTNERING UP IN BUSINESS

AND, LIKE, BUYING INEXPENSIVE
HOUSES AND FLIPPING 'EM.

WOW. SO IS SHE MOVING HERE
WITH HER FAMILY?

NO, NO, NO FAMILY.
SHE JUST GOT DIVORCED.

(cell phone rings)

OH, WHAT'S THAT?
OH, IT'S MISSY. OH!

HELLO, MY NEW PARTNER!

WHAT? YOU ALREADY FOUND
A PROPERTY?

WOW, THAT'S GREAT.
YEAH, NO, I'D LOVE TO SEE IT.

YEAH, WHY DON'T WE MEET
AT MY OFFICE TOMORROW AT NOON?

OH, YOU'RE RIGHT,
THAT IS LUNCHTIME.

RIGHT, OKAY, UH,
I'LL TAKE A...

OH, RIGHT, YOU KNOW WHAT I LIKE!
THAT'S RIGHT.

TELL HER I'M GLAD TO HAVE HER
AS PART OF THE TEAM.

PACK YOUR BAGS, CHERYL.
YOU JUST LOST YOUR MAN.

OH, WHAT ARE YOU
TALKING ABOUT?

OH, COME ON!

"MISSY," NOT "MELISSA,"

RECENTLY MOVES BACK TO
HER EX-BOYFRIEND'S HOMETOWN.

CALLS HIM ON HIS CELL PHONE,
NOT HIS HOME PHONE.

(gasps) YOU MEAN THE NUMBER
WHERE SHE'S SURE TO REACH HIM?

(gasps) SHE IS DEVIOUS!

CHERYL,
HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING

FROM THE TRAGIC BREAKUP
OF BRAD AND JEN?

SHE'S TRYING
TO ANGELINA YOU.

OH, ANDY!

LOOK, HONEY,
I TOTALLY TRUST JIM.

AND YOU KNOW WHAT?

I THINK MELISSA AND I
MAY EVEN BECOME FRIENDS.

I THINK WE PROBABLY HAVE
A LOT IN COMMON.

YEAH, YOU'RE BOTH IN LOVE
WITH THE SAME GUY.

IT'S ALL RIGHT.

YOU CAN BUNK UP WITH ME
DURING THE MESSY DIVORCE,

BUT THE KIDS STAY HERE.

OH, THAT'S OKAY.
I THINK THE KIDS AND I

WILL PROBABLY
JUST MOVE TO MISSISSIPPI.

I'M A PRETTY, PRETTY GIRL!

EXCUSE ME.
HOW MUCH ARE THESE TOMATOES?

FUNNY YOU SHOULD ASK.

YOU SEE THAT HOT TOMATO
THAT'S AFTER YOUR HUSBAND?

WHAT?

$1.69 A POUND.

OH. THANK YOU.

CHERYL, ARE YOU OKAY?

YES, YES, I'M SORRY...
MARILYN, HOW ARE YOU?

JUST PEACHY. GET IT?

OH, YES, I GET IT.

SO HOW'S JIM?

DID HE TAKE UP WITH THAT TRAMP
AND LEAVE YOU?

WHAT?

I SAID COULD YOU ASK JIM
TO STAY OFF OUR TRAMPOLINE?

HE'S FRIGHTENING
THE CHILDREN.

YEAH, I-I'LL TELL HIM.

OH! OH!

(Man over P.A.)
CLEANUP IN PRODUCE.

WOMAN'S LIFE FALLING APART.

WHAT?

CLEANUP IN PRODUCE.

THANKS FOR SHOPPING
AT DIBAI'S MART.

FOR GOD'S SAKE,
THEY'RE JUST FRIENDS!

YOU KNOW, ANDY,

I'M THINKING
THAT TONIGHT FOR DINNER,

I MAY JUST HAVE A SALAD.

JIM, WHAT THE HELL?

I DON'T KNOW.

CHERYL WAS RIGHT ABOUT
MAKING FRIENDS WITH MELISSA.

MAYBE SHE'S RIGHT
ABOUT OTHER STUFF, TOO.

YEAH, IF IT WASN'T FOR
THAT RAIN MAN THING,

SHE'D BE ON A ROLL.

HEY, JIMMY.

LOOK WHAT I BROUGHT...
WINGS FROM BUFFALO JOE'S.

OH, MY GOD,
THAT'S TERRIFIC! GREAT, MELISSA.

MELISSA, THIS IS ANDY.

OH, NICE TO
MEET YOU, ANDY.

YEAH.

LET ME TELL YOU HOW THINGS ARE
GONNA WORK AROUND HERE, OKAY?

YOU'RE THE NEW GUY.

THAT MEANS YOU'RE LOW MAN
ON THE TOTEM POLE,

SO GET USED TO DOING
ERRANDS AND CRAP

THAT NOBODY ELSE WANTS TO DO.

OKAY.

DO I GET POINTS
FOR THE WINGS?

WELL, YOU DID,
BUT YOU LOST THEM ALL

BY NOT BRINGING
ANY DRINKS, OKAY?

SO WELCOME BACK TO ZERO,
NEW GUY! HUH?

POP MACHINE'S ON
THE THIRD FLOOR. GO! GO! GO!

ANDY, WHY DON'T YOU
GO GET THE SODAS?

BUT, JIM, SHE'S THE NEW...
GO!

DAMN IT!

LET ME GUESS.

HE'S BEEN THE NEW GUY
FOR A WHILE?

UH, FOR ABOUT TEN YEARS.
HERE.

YEAH, IT'S BETTER
TO KEEP HIM HERE

THAN ON THE STREETS.

OKAY, HERE IS THE INFORMATION
ON THE HOUSE.

OH, WOW,
LET ME SEE THAT.

OH, THAT IS NICE.

IS THAT ALL THEY'RE ASKING?

UH-HUH. OLD PEOPLE...
STILL THINK BREAD'S A NICKEL.

HA HA HA!
WE'RE GONNA MAKE A FORTUNE!

I KNOW!

HEY, WHAT'S SO FUNNY?

OLD PEOPLE.

CHERYL, WHAT ARE YOU
DOING HERE?

WELL, I WAS JUST
AT THE MARKET.

I THOUGHT I'D COME AND MAKE
MY HUSBAND A SANDWICH.

OH, I'M SORRY.
YOU MUST BE MELISSA.

I'M CHERYL, JIM'S WIFE.

HI. NICE TO MEET YA.
HI.

WOULD YOU LIKE SOME HAM?
IT'S JIM'S FAVORITE.

ACTUALLY, I THINK
I ALREADY BROUGHT JIMMY

HIS FAVORITE LUNCH...

BUFFALO WINGS
FROM OUR OLD COLLEGE HANGOUT.

WOW, IT'S STILL THERE AFTER
ALL THESE MANY, MANY YEARS?

YEP, SOME THINGS NEVER CHANGE.

LIKE HOW MANY WINGS
THIS GUY CAN PUT AWAY.

OH, PLEASE.

(laughs nervously)

OH, STOP IT.

HEY, CHERYL,
YOU KNOW WHAT?

FOR DINNER TONIGHT,
I THINK I MIGHT HAVE A SALAD.

I THINK YOU MIGHT BE
RIGHT ABOUT THAT, TOO.

WOW, NO BETTER FEELING
THAN BEING RIGHT.

EXCEPT MAYBE
A BELLY FULL OF WINGS!

(laughs)
QUIT IT! QUIT IT!

YOU'RE TICKLING ME!
YOU'RE TICKLING ME!

STOP IT! STOP IT! STOP IT!

I FELT LIKE THE THIRD WHEEL.

DO YOU THINK
SHE'S AFTER MY HUSBAND?

I STILL CAN'T BELIEVE
YOU'RE AFTER YOUR HUSBAND.

OH, DANA!

NO, I'M BEING SILLY.

THEY'RE FRIENDS.
TOTALLY.

THEY'RE BUSINESS PARTNERS.

THAT'S WHY SHE WAS
RUBBING HIS STOMACH.

WAIT, SHE RUBBED
HIS STOMACH?

YEAH.

I WAS HOPING IT WAS
STANDARD BUSINESS PRACTICE.

YEAH, WE DON'T SEAL A LOT
OF DEALS WITH THE TUMMY RUB.

WHAT ABOUT HER FEET?
WHAT?

WELL, PEOPLE INSTINCTIVELY
POINT THEIR FEET

TOWARDS A PERSON
THEY'RE ATTRACTED TO.

I DON'T KNOW.
I WASN'T WATCHING HER FEET.

I WAS TOO BUSY FAKE LAUGHING.

ALL RIGHT,
WHAT ABOUT HER BOOBS?

AMAZING. THAT'S WHY
I'M SO WORRIED.

NO.

I MEAN, WHAT DIRECTION
WERE THEY POINTING?

OH, IT'S HARD TO TELL.

SHE WAS THROWING THEM ALL AROUND
LIKE THAT SLUTTY HYGIENIST.

HEY, CHERYL?

CHERYL, LET ME ASK YOU...

DOES THIS TIE
GO WITH THIS JACKET?

ARE YOU GOING SOMEWHERE?

OH, YEAH, MISSY AND I JUST PUT
AN OFFER ON OUR FIRST HOUSE,

AND SHE WANTS TO TAKE ME OUT
FOR A GOOD LUCK DINNER.

OH, WELL,
GOOD LUCK IS GOOD.

AND DINNER IS FUN...

SO IT SHOULD BE FUN
AND GOOD.

YEAH.

WELL,
TONIGHT'S YOUR BOOK CLUB,

AND, YOU KNOW,
I ALWAYS END UP IN THE GARAGE

DRINKING BY MYSELF, ANYWAY.

YEAH. YOU DON'T NORMALLY
WEAR A TIE IN THE GARAGE.

WELL, THAT'S NOT
ACTUALLY TRUE.

SOMETIMES IT'S ALL I WEAR.

ANYWAY, THIS MATCHES,
RIGHT? IT'S GOOD ENOUGH? YEAH.

BECAUSE THAT RESTAURANT
IN HER HOTEL

HAS SOME KIND OF DRESS CODE.

UH, YOU'RE EATING DINNER
AT HER HOTEL?

YEAH, MISSY THOUGHT IT'D BE
MORE CONVENIENT. CONVENIENT?

HONEY, HAVE FUN
AT THE BOOK CLUB,

AND I'LL BRING YOU BACK DESSERT
IF MISSY PAYS.

OKAY.

ALL RIGHT, YOU CALL THE LAWYER,
I'LL START BURNING HIS CLOTHES.

NO, NO, NO, DANA.

STOP IT. STOP IT.
YOU'RE BEING RIDICULOUS.

I AM NOT JEALOUS. I'M EVOLVED.
I MEAN, THEY'RE JUST FRIENDS

LIKE YOU AND THOSE GUYS AT WORK
YOU GO OUT WITH.

OH, THAT.

YEAH, I DON'T
DO THAT ANYMORE.

WHAT?

WELL, JIM WAS RIGHT.
IT WAS BAD FOR MY MARRIAGE.

TWO OF THOSE GUYS
WERE IN LOVE WITH ME,

AND THE OTHER ONE
JUST INVITED ME ON A CRUISE.

TURNS OUT I JUST
LIKE THE ATTENTION,

PROBABLY 'CAUSE
I'M A MIDDLE CHILD.

DANA, I JUST SENT
MY HUSBAND OFF TO A HOTEL

WITH MISSY THE BOOB-POINTING
HOME WRECKER! YEAH.

CHERYL, YOU BETTER
GO AFTER HIM.

SHE IS STARVIN'
FOR HIS MARVIN.

OH...

SHE IS OUT FOR HIS TROUT.

STOP IT!
SHE IS READY FOR HIS FREDDIE.

DANA!

OH, COME ON. COME ON!

I CANNOT BELIEVE
YOU REMEMBER THAT.

(Jim) I DO!

(thinking) IGNORE THE LEAN.
IGNORE THE LEAN.

HI!

CHERYL! WHAT ARE YOU
DOING HERE?

I THOUGHT YOU HAD
YOUR BOOK CLUB.

WELL, SINCE YOU GUYS
ARE OUT HERE

CELEBRATING
YOUR NEW BUSINESS VENTURE,

I WANT TO RAISE A TOAST
TO YOUR SUCCESS.

WELL, THAT SOUNDS GOOD.
YES.

HERE... TO MY NEW FRIEND
AND MY OLD WIFE.

CHERYL, YOU REALLY
SHOULDN'T LET US KEEP YOU

FROM YOUR READING GROUP.

I'M SURE IT'S THE HIGHLIGHT
OF YOUR WEEK.

IGNORE THE SNOTTY COMMENT.
IGNORE THE SNOTTY COMMENT.

CHERYL, YOU LOOK AMAZING!
IS THAT A NEW DRESS?

HONEY, YOU JUST NEVER
CAN REMEMBER, CAN YOU?

I WORE THIS LAST YEAR
ON OUR ANNIVERSARY...

NUMBER 14.

WE HAD DINNER, MADE LOVE.

AND YET
HE DOESN'T REMEMBER.

MELISSA, DO YOU THINK

I COULD BORROW THIS SHOULDER
BACK FROM YOU?

IT'S SO COMFORTABLE.

A GIRL COULD
REALLY GET USED TO THIS.

YEAH, I THINK YOU'VE LEANED ON
MY HUSBAND ENOUGH THIS WEEK.

OH, ALWAYS HAPPY
TO HELP A FRIEND.

HEY, WHAT'S GOING ON HERE?

I THOUGHT WE WERE ENJOYING
SOME SOPHISTICATED BANTER.

TAKE YOUR ARM
OFF OF MY HUSBAND

AND POINT YOUR FEET
AND SHAKERS TOWARD THE DOOR.

WOW, EITHER SOMEONE
REALLY NEEDS A DRINK,

OR SOMEONE'S REALLY INSECURE
ABOUT THEIR MARRIAGE.

WHAT?

I SAID EITHER SOMEONE
REALLY NEEDS A DRINK,

OR SOMEONE'S REALLY INSECURE
ABOUT HER MARRIAGE.

THAT'S WHAT
I THOUGHT YOU SAID.

YOU KNOW,
I THINK YOU'RE RIGHT.

MAYBE I COULD
USE THAT DRINK.

AAH!

OH, WOW!

YOU KNOW, YOU'RE RIGHT.
I DO FEEL BETTER.

WHOA!

OH, NO!

I HOPE MY NEW FRIEND
AND MY OLD WIFE

AREN'T GONNA GET
IN A CATFIGHT!

LISTEN, CHERYL,
I DON'T KNOW WHY...

NO, NO, NO, NO, NO, NO.
YOU DON'T TALK. YOU LISTEN.

NOW YOU DON'T GET TO COME AROUND
HERE AND HANG ALL OVER MY MAN

JUST BECAUSE
YOU CAN'T HANG ON TO YOURS.

NOW THE WAY I SEE IT, MISSY,
YOU GOT TWO OPTIONS.

YOU CAN EITHER
WALK OUT THAT DOOR RIGHT NOW

WITH YOUR DIGNITY,
MOST OF YOUR HAIR

AND YOUR TOP STILL ON,

OR YOU AND I CAN TAKE A LITTLE
TRIP DOWN TO KNUCKLETOWN.

THAT'S RIGHT...
KNUCKLETOWN.

NOBODY BREAK THIS UP!

SO ALL THOSE IN FAVOR
OF MOVING BOOK CLUB

TO TUESDAY AFTERNOONS,
RAISE YOUR HAND.

BUT CHERYL
HAS CAR POOL THEN.

WELL, CHERYL
ISN'T HERE NOW, IS SHE?

AND SO NEXT TUESDAY,

WE WILL BEGIN
OUR DISCUSSIONS OF THIS...

IT'S A PLAY WRITTEN BY
A LOCAL UP-AND-COMING DRAMATIST.

"LONG DAY'S JOURNEY INTO ANDY."

I WARN YOU,
THERE'S SOME MATURE CONTENT.

"ACT I...
A RIVERBOAT IN MISSISSIPPI."

I'M A PRETTY GIRL.

OH, CHERYL,
THAT WAS GREAT.

"TAKE A LITTLE TRIP
DOWN TO KNUCKLETOWN."

WHAT IS THAT, A SUBURB OF
FIST-BURGH, PUNCHYL-VANIA? YES.

NO, ARE YOU SURE? BECAUSE NOW
THAT I THINK ABOUT IT,

IT MIGHT BE OUTSIDE OF
FIGHT-WAUKEE, FIST-CONSIN.

WILL YOU KNOCK IT OFF?

YOU'RE NOT GONNA
COME AT ME, ARE YOU?

ARE YOU GONNA COME AT ME?
OH, GOD, I'M SO EMBARRASSED.

IT'S THE FIRST TIME I'VE EVER
BEEN KICKED OUT OF A RESTAURANT

WHEN IT WASN'T YOUR FAULT.

I KNOW!

AND IT WAS GREAT, CHERYL.
IT WAS GREAT.

I JUST TURNED INTO
A TOTAL CAVEWOMAN.

YES! AND THE CAVE
IS WIDE OPEN, BABY!

AND I THINK THERE'S SOME ROOM
FOR THE BOTH OF US

UNDER MY TIGER SKIN.

(laughs)

YOU KNOW, I DO HAVE TO ADMIT
IT WAS KIND OF FUN.

YEAH?

AND IT'S WEIRD. I HAVE
A SUDDEN URGE TO GO BOWLING.

YOU DO?

YES, AND DRINK BEER
IN THE GARAGE.

OH, CHERYL,
THIS IS A PERFECT DAY FOR ME.

HONEST TO GOD,

YOU HAVE BEEN TRYING TO
CHANGE ME ALL THIS TIME,

AND I ACTUALLY GOT A
CHANCE TO CHANGE YOU. I KNOW.

YOU HAVE STOOPED
TO MY LEVEL!

I LOVE IT.

AND YOU KNOW
WHAT ELSE I LOVE?

WHAT?

I LOVE BEING RIGHT.

OKAY, SO LET'S
SETTLE THIS RIGHT NOW.

JIM CAN'T BE FRIENDS
WITH A WOMAN.

SAY I'M RIGHT.

RIGHT AS RAIN MAN.

THANK YOU.

CHERYL?
YEAH?

I THOUGHT I HEARD YOUR VOICE.
OH, IS THIS JIM?

DON'T TELL ME
I FINALLY GET TO MEET HIM.

NO. NO, YOU DON'T,
ACTUALLY.

NO. NO, YOU DON'T.
BYE-BYE. BYE-BYE.

THANKS FOR COMING. OKAY.