A Different World (1987–1993): Season 6, Episode 7 - The Little Mister - full transcript

Dwayne has a dream that men and women positions in the political world are switched: Whitley becomes saxophone-playing presidential candidate Jill Blinton, and Dwayne her husband Hilliot.

Party, you chiquita banana, you.

Hi, y'all.

Don't you look pretty.

I mean, nice.

Asalaam alaikam.

Colonel, usuwa tawumbe.

Dean Davenport,
I didn't see you come in.

Welcome to the Wayne
Halloween party.

Who am I, who am I?

Call me Angela Davis.

I'd rather call you
a hairdresser.



Well, with elections
just around the corner

and the country in the mess
that it is in

I thought we could
forego glamour

and get the message out
the best way we can.

Hear, hear!

By looking like the ghost
of Freddie past?

It's time brothers wake up

and stop trying to control
our minds and bodies.

Oh, boy.

This is the year of the woman.

Oh, please.

Every year is the year
of the woman.

I'm tired of hearing
you broads complaining.

What did you say, buttercup?



We are not broads.

We are not babes.

We are not honeys.

We are women.

We want equality,
we want dignity

we want respect.

£ don't break it £

£ took your mama nine months
to make it £

they get my respect.

£... to make it £

£ shake it,
don't break it... £

£ ooh £

£ I know my parents loved me £

£ stand behind me
come what may £

£ come what may £

£ I realize that I'm ready £

£ I'm ready £

£ 'cause I finally
heard them say £

£ I heard them say £

£ it's a different world £

£ it's a different world £

£ from where you come from £

£ it's a different world £

£ oh, now,
here's our chance to make it £

£ here's our chance £

£ if we focus on our goal £

£ focus on our goal £

£ if you dish it,
we can take it £

£ we can take it £

£ just remember
that you've been told £

£ that it's a different world £

£ it's a different world £

£ oh, it's a different world £

£ it's a different world £

£ from where you come from £

£ it's a different world £

£ it's a different world £

£ from where you come from £

£ it's a different world £

£ from where you come from,
yeah. £

great party, wasn't it, baby?

I sure had a good time.

Everybody else had a good time.

What about you, sugar?

You have a good time?

All right, come on, baby.

Your silence
is louder than your voice.

I'm sorry.

For what?

For whatever it was
that made you mad.

You don't even know, do you?

How many guesses do I get?

You are insensitive and sloshed.

I'm slishy slashy sloshed.

This wig is giving me
a headache.

This election
is giving me a headache.

It's sound bites,
mud-slinging and a media circus.

You hear more about
Hillary and Barbara

than the issues.

One of which is women's rights.

Here we go.
Year of the woman.

You have no idea
what we go through.

If you can't stand
the heat, get out
of the kitchen.

That's exactly what we're trying
to do, Mr. Man.

We're trying to get out
of a man's world.

Come and help me
with this couch.

Yeah, yeah.

If you're so tired
of living in a man's world

how come all it is we do

is talk about women's problems?

Huh, huh?

Come on, whit.

You can stay home, go to work.

Have kids, don't have kids.

If something goes wrong

nobody gets mad if a woman
breaks down and cries.

Well, women cry
because they live in a world

where men run them ragged.

Rub my feet.

You know what?

I give up.

You're right, as usual.

And I'm sorry, as usual.

I don't want you
to be sorry, Dwayne.

I want you to understand.

I got an idea.

How about you be the man, okay?

And I will be the woman,
all right?

Year of the woman,
year of the woman.

You try running things
for a little while.

No, better yet...
You rub my dogs.

Rub them dogs there.

You try running things.

The woman year,
the woman year...

You all try to run things.

If you see how you like it,
if you running things

'cause you ain't never
ran nothing.

£ hail to the chief
who in triumphant fashion £

£ onward industry
the evergreen and pine... £

well, president mush,
the stock market is down.

The gross national product
is down

and your popularity is way down.

Don't you have anything up
to report?

Well, president mush,
the unemployment rate is up

the national deficit is up

and your husband's popularity
is way up.

I'm proud

to know the nation loves

and respects the first husband.

But that's an ugly man.

Madame president.

What now, vice-president quack?

Great news.

I am talking to your wife

the vice-president.

That upstart Texas billionaire,
Rose godot?

She's dropped out of the race.

All yippee, yippee, yippee!

£ she's the yellow Rose
of Texas £

£ she's the only one for me £

£ her eyes are bright and shiny
just like a Christmas tree £

but more than anything

I want to make
my position crystal clear

to the American people.

Yes, I was running.

No, I'm not running.

Yes, I will stay on the ballot.

No, I did not have a change
of heart.

Yes, these are my real ears

and no, I cannot stand
the kind of yes-women

that keep this country
in a no-win situation.

Advertise your product or brand here
contact www.OpenSubtitles.org today

Rose godot is out!

Jill, we have a chance.

We?

Hilliard, hilliard, hilliard.

How many times must I tell you?

I'm sorry, Jill.

I keep forgetting.

You have a chance.

I'm the candidate, Jill blinton.

And who are you, buttercup?

Hilliard blinton,
the happy husband.

That's right, now,
get me some coffee.

This is supposed to be
the year of the man.

I do not intend

to check my brain
at the white house door.

Blah, blah, blah!

Listen, we all remember
the male liberation movement

back in the '70s

when you were all burning
your little jockstraps

and what did that get you?

Exactly.

My job is to get
your wife elected

and the recent polls show that
you are hurting this campaign.

Are you saying my I.Q.
Is standing in her way?

The governor's
got enough problems

with the press harping on you
dodging those girl scouts.

I was young.

I didn't agree
with the cookie drives

but I have nothing against
the girls that served.

Coffee!

But forget about it.

This godot thing...
It's a whole new ball game.

The newspapers, networks

everybody's going to be waiting
to hear your opinion.

Good, then maybe...

I said her opinion, not yours.

Train him!

What if they want
to ask me questions?

Well, than, darling

you simply practice the art
of saying nothing.

Let's give it a try, shall we?

What are you going to say

when they ask your opinion
of kids today?

Well, kids, that's
my favorite subject

because kids are cute

and they deserve
all our attention

because one out of every
five kids lives in poverty.

Whoa, buddy.

Put on the brakes.

Hold it, okay?

I said kids not issues.

Migraine,
I'm getting a migraine.

Come over here and sit down.

We're going to practice
your gazing.

Okay...

No, a little less intelligence,
more adoration.

Show the wedding ring.

Okay, what did I say
about thinking?

Those glasses have got to go.

I told you to stay backstage.

You almost ruined us on arsenio.

Yes, I've withdrawn
from the race.

No, I do not intend
to change my mind.

Yes, I could reverse myself.

No, I do not think
my behavior is confusing

because when I say yes,
I mean yes

most of the time

and when I say no, I mean no

with very few exceptions.

Pee wee, turn that thing off.

I thought it was
a man's prerogative

to change his mind.

We're waiting for you, godot.

Why did she do this to us?

£ who is the Mac? £

£ are you ready for the Mac? £

£ shut your mouth £

we're waiting for you,
Johnny weed.

Did I have a night last night?

Let me tell you,
I think this is the one.

You say that every week.

This one's different.

She respects me.

None of them will respect you

if you keep sleeping with them.

But this one loves me,
and I mean all over.

Uh-huh.

I can tell her husband
doesn't understand.

And I don't mean to be bragging

but she holds
a very high ranking

political office.

Well, the higher they go,
the lower you go.

But this one's worth
beaucoup bucks.

I've got the tape recordings
to prove it.

I just love when she
calls me buttercup.

Hi, buttercup.

I don't want
to mention any names

but governor Jill blinton,
she gets my vote.

£ you know the mice will play
the blues £

£ yeah! £

okay! Okay!

All right, already.

Shut up, the blues.

A lounge singer, Jill?

You betrayed our marriage vows
for a tramp in a pinkie ring?

He was paid off
by the daily inquisitor.

£ ...And when the cat's away £

why don't you believe me?

Maybe because
it's not the first time.

I can't believe
you compare yourself

to some meaningless encounter.

How many times does it take

to discover something
is meaningless?

Don't smoke.

It's bad for your image.

I'm not inhaling.

Look, I know you're angry
right now, and I'm sorry

but I really, really need you,
buttercup.

I really need you.

Boo-yah!

Yeah, welcome to u.S.T.N.,
uncle Sam's television network.

We here to get you
an up-close and personal look

at presidential hopeful
Jill blinton

and her husband hilliard.

Uh, yo, governor blinton,
peep this:

Now according to a recent poll

14% of registered voters

said that they would not elect
a candidate

who's had
an extramarital affair.

Well, if my math
serves me correctly

that means that 86%
of the American public

wants to only deal
with the issues.

Wait a minute.

There's this brother named, uh,
Johnny weed... yeah.

Everybody says
he knows you really well.

We want to know
how well you know him.

Johnny, Johnny...

Johnny weed. Yeah.

Familiar acquaintance.

Wait a minute.

You ain't denying it?

Kiss your wife.

Wait a minute.

Mr. Blinton,
you ain't denying it either?

Deny it!

I'm not sitting here
as some little man

standing behind my wife.

I love her, and honor
what we've been through

and if that's not enough,
then...

Heck, don't vote for her.

What?!

That's all for this week,
but, yo!

Tune in next Sunday

when we interview
Clarence Thomas

for the first time
since the confirmation

of supreme court justice
Anita hill.

I'm so sorry, hilliard.

I don't want you to be sorry.

I want you to understand.

Show that wedding ring.

Shut up.

You're ruining everything.

Johnny weed.

I thought you got rid of him.

I tried.

Polyester floats.

Announcer:
Gentlemen and ladies:

Former presidential candidate,
Patty Buchanan.

I want to welcome you

to our national convention

on behalf of my close...

And personal friend...

God!

God is feeling threatened
today...

And she has good reason...

For there's a serpent

slitherin'
towards the white house...

Jill blinton
is our official candidate

but the real snake
is her husband...

A man that believes
in radical machoism.

Men in the military.

He even believes
that happy people

should have the same rights
as the rest of us.

Let me give it to you plainly.

People aren't born happy.

Happiness is a choice.

Preach on.

£ the wrong choice! £

£ the blinton choice. £

£ the wrong choice... £

unlike hilliard blinton

I love being a father
and a husband.

And, unlike hilliard

I'm not afraid
of wearing an apron.

Thank you, Patty Buchanan.

I may be feisty as the dickens,
but I'm not running, no, no...

And neither
is hilliard running, no.

No, we leave those politics
to the womenfolk

and speaking of women,
let me introduce my wife...

A president who could be called
anything but bush league...

Ms. Georgia mush!

Come on, Georgia.

Let's hear it!

Thank you, Bob.

Isn't my Bob the best?

You know, people,
I said it last time...

But I mean it this time.

No... new... taxes!

Choir:
Amen.

Read my lipstick.

Who do you trust?

Me.

£ my country 'tis of thee £

£ sweet land of Liberty £

£ of thee I sing... £

testing, one, two. Testing...

Is this the presidential debate?

Yeah, it is, but, uh...

You can't have a chair
unless you're a candidate.

I'm Rose godot.

I'm on the ballot
in all 50 states.

We only have two chairs.

That's all right.

Brought my own.

Both:
You're running?

Maybe. Maybe not.

Focus on the economy,
that's her weak point

and remember,
the key word is "change."

Go sit down.

Focus on her weak point,
character

and remember,
the key word is "trust."

Okay, Mr. Mush,
have a seat over there.

Okay. All right.

Good luck, honey.

Oh, hello.

Hello.

Lovely day, isn't it?

Cut the nice guy routine.

I'm not voting for you.

Well, I'm not running.

You could have fooled me.

I don't mind it
coming from the women.

It's the way they're brought up.

But when one man

attacks another man...

You'll get used to it.

When you're a political husband,
you do what you have to do.

I've done everything I can.

I've learned to be silent,
be seen and not heard

smile, gaze, barbecue.

The only thing radical about me
is how much I've changed.

I swore I wouldn't do this.

Here, here.

It's okay, hilliard.

Listen, you have to learn
to turn it off and on.

I don't want
to turn it on and off.

It's okay.

Oh, Mr. Mush.

Thank you, Bob.

Good luck to you, too, blinton.

Thank you.

£ there's no business
like show business £

£ like no business I know... £

gentlemen and ladies:

Welcome
to the presidential debate

sponsored
by the league of men voters.

May I present our candidates:

President Georgia mush.

Governor Jill blinton.

And Rose godot.

Wait a minute.

What is Rose godot doing here?

I'm on the ballot.

It's howdy doody time.

How come she gets the throne?

I'm a billionaire.

Speaking of billions

the only billions
our president knows about

are in the national deficit.

Why don't we take a moment
and discuss your expertise

in domestic affairs?

Hold up.

Stop yelling.

These ears are sensitive.

What about the economy?

What about your character?

What about my billions?

Trust! We need trust!

Change!

Money!

Trust!

Change!

Money!

£ trust in me in all you do £

£ have faith in me,
like I have for you £

£ love will see us through,
if you'll just... £

£ change! £

£ I can change, you can change,
change can change... £

can I have some change?

£ change... £

£ I got money,
it's what the people want £

£ money is what they need £

£ trust and change
don't mean a thing £

£ if they got mouths to feed £

£ trust is what
the people want £

£ money is what they need £

£ trust and change
don't mean a thing £

£ if they got mouths to feed. £

stop!

Focus on the issues!

Stop!

You have to focus on the issues.

Focus on the issues.

Stop! Stop this.

Stop, please!

Focus on the issues.

Focus on the issues.

Focus on the issues.

Focus on the issues.

Dwayne?
Dwayne, wake up.

Oh, wow.

I had the weirdest dream.

And I have the worst hangover.

Oh, baby, I dreamt
that I was a man

but I was a woman.

Excuse me?

And women were running
the country

and everything was a mess.

That is not the way it would be

if women were running
the country.

And you had an affair with Ron.

You tried to hide it from me.

If I had an affair with Ron,
I'd hide it from everybody.

Baby, you are missing my point
totally.

During the election,
my opinion didn't count.

They didn't want me
to be intelligent.

I had to be seen and not heard.

They were treating me like a...

Like a woman, Dwayne?

Well, wake up.

I think I just did.

Well, hallelujah.

Oh, wait.
Not till after you shave.

I'll shave after I get my sugar

if you don't mind.