A Different World (1987–1993): Season 1, Episode 3 - Porky de Bergerac - full transcript

£ I KNOW MY PARENTS LOVE ME

£ STAND BEHIND ME
COME WHAT MAY £

£ I FOUND OUT THAT I'M READY

£ BECAUSE I FINALLY
HEARD THEM SAY £

£ IT'S A DIFFERENT WORLD

£ FROM WHERE YOU COME FROM

£ HERE'S A CHANCE TO MAKE IT

£ IF WE FOCUS ON OUR GOAL

£ IF YOU DISH IT,
WE CAN TAKE IT £

£ JUST REMEMBER
YOU'VE BEEN TOLD £

£ IT'S A DIFFERENT WORLD



£ FROM WHERE YOU COME FROM

£ IT'S A DIFFERENT WORLD

£ FROM WHERE YOU COME FROM

OH. WHA..?

YOU PARTIED LAST NIGHT.

THE ANTS ARE PARTYING
THIS MORNING.

LET ME HELP YOU.

WORDS I THOUGHT
I'D NEVER HEAR.

THANK YOU.

NO PROBLEM.

I WONDERED WHERE
DENISE'S TRASH WENT TO DIE.

HI, GUYS.

DENISE, THAT'S
SOME STRONG PERFUME.

DOES IT COME IN A DRUM?



YOU SHOULD KNOW.

IT'S YOUR PERFUME.

I'D HELP, BUT I CAN'T
BE LATE FOR BIOLOGY.

WHAT'S HIS NAME?

MICHAEL OKU.

HE'S SWEET AND FUNNY
AND THOUGHTFUL.

HE'S GOOD
WITH CHILDREN.

AND SHE'S NEVER MET HIM.

BUT I PLAN TO ACCIDENTALLY
BUMP INTO HIM AFTER CLASS.

SEE YOU.

BUY ME MORE PERFUME
ON YOUR WAY BACK!

WHAT IS THAT FOUL ODOR?

IT SMELLS LIKE
A CROSS BETWEEN STALE PIZZA

AND DOMESTIC PERFUME.

GOOD MORNING, WHITLEY.

MORNING, STEVIE.

LET ME HELP YOU
WITH THAT.

I JUST CAN'T ABIDE TRASH.

NEITHER CAN I.

I HATE BRINGING THIS UP

BUT YOU'VE STILL NEGLECTED
TO SELECT A DORM MONITOR--

THOUGH YOU MUST BE HAVING
A DICKENS OF A TIME

RAISING AN UNRULY CHILD
THE BEST WAY YOU KNOW HOW.

I APPRECIATE YOUR CONCERN.

WHO DO YOU HAVE IN MIND?

WELL...

YOU, AS RESIDENT DIRECTOR, COULD
APPOINT A QUALIFIED INDIVIDUAL

AND I WOULD DO ANYTHING
FOR GILBERT HALL.

I APPRECIATE
YOUR WILLINGNESS

TO DISREGARD THE
DEMOCRATIC PROCESS

BUT WE WILL HAVE AN ELECTION
TONIGHT AT THE DORM MEETING.

AN ELECTION.

UH-HUH.

REALLY?

WELL, I REALLY AM
LATE FOR CLASS.

DENISE!

I SMELLED YOUR PERFUME
ALL THE WAY OVER BY THE JUKEBOX.

IT'S LIKE SOMEBODY OPENED A BOX
OF THOSE CARDBOARD TREES

THAT MAKE CARS SMELL GOOD.

THANKS, DWAYNE.

THAT KIND OF COMPLIMENT
STAYS WITH ME ALL DAY.

HI, GIRLS.

DID YOU ACCIDENTALLY
BUMP INTO MICHAEL TODAY

OR DID YOUR PERFUME
KNOCK HIM OVER?

HE HAD THE NERVE
TO CUT CLASS.

WHY DON'T YOU CALL HIM?

I DON'T EVEN KNOW HIM!

YOU JUST SAY, "HI, I'M DENISE.
WOULD YOU LIKE TO GO OUT?"

HAVE YOU DONE THIS, MAGGIE?

NO.

BUT I'VE THOUGHT ABOUT IT.

OKAY.

GUYS ALWAYS CALL GIRLS
THEY DON'T KNOW.

I CALLED A GUY ONCE.

SO WHAT HAPPENED?

I MARRIED HIM.

YOU SEE?

BUT, THEN AGAIN,
YOU'RE DIVORCED NOW.

BUT I'M SURE THAT ISN'T
BECAUSE YOU CALLED FIRST.

I DON'T WANT HIM
TO THINK I'M CHASING HIM.

BUT YOU ARE.

BUT I DON'T WANT HIM
TO KNOW THIS.

WHAT'S THE WORST THING
HE COULD SAY?

"WHY ARE YOU CALLING ME?

BUZZ OFF, DRIPPO."

WHAT WE TELL DWAYNE.

LOOK, DENISE,
MAYBE THE GUY'S SHY.

MAYBE HE THINKS
YOU HAVE A BOYFRIEND.

HE'S PROBABLY SITTING
AT HOME BY HIMSELF.

ALL RIGHT.
I'LL CALL HIM.

THEN AGAIN,
MAYBE HE HAS A GIRLFRIEND.

DENISE.

YOU WILL NEVER KNOW
UNLESS YOU TRY.

YOU'RE RIGHT.

AND EVEN IF YOU FAIL,
AT LEAST YOU'VE TRIED.

J.T., YOU'RE SUCH A LITTLE
SUGARPLUM FOR HELPING ME.

WHAT'S THIS?

MY NAME IS WHITLEY,
NOT MHITLEY.

DON'T YOU KNOW THE DIFFERENCE
BETWEEN YOUR "M"s AND YOUR "W"s?

NO.

HELLO, LADIES.

DON'T FORGET--
TONIGHT'S ELECTION NIGHT.

WE KNOW. WE GOT
YOUR CHOCOLATES.

I DIDN'T GET ANY.

OH, HUSH UP.

I'VE GOT A SICK FEELING

WHITELY'S THE ONLY PERSON
RUNNING FOR MONITOR.

SHE'S ARROGANT,
PUSHY AND RUTHLESS

BUT DO THOSE QUALITIES
NECESSARILY MAKE A BAD LEADER?

YES. MAGGIE, COME ON.

DO YOU WANT HER MAKING
SURE WE'RE IN ON TIME?

PLANNING PARTIES?

PICKING MOVIES?

OH, NO!

SHE THINKS THEY SHOULD
COLORIZE
CASABLANCA.

ALL RIGHT.
I'LL DO IT.

I WILL RUN.

I OWE IT TO THE DORM.

BUT...
I'M ALREADY IN FIVE CLUBS

AND I'M PRESIDENT
OF THE CLASSICAL TRAGEDY SOCIETY

BUT I'LL DO IT.

YOU CAN'T DO ALL THAT.

WHITELY JUST GAVE ME
THIS PRALINE.

DO YOU THINK
IT'S SAFE TO EAT IT?

JALEESA!

I HAVE ALWAYS SEEN YOU

AS A BORN LEADER.

WITH GREAT TASTE IN MOVIES.

WHATEVER IT IS, NO.

BUT WHITLEY MUST BE STOPPED.

THE ONLY WAY
TO STOP HER

IS IF YOU RUN
FOR MONITOR.

NOT THIS GIRL.

SHE'LL MAKE OUR
LIVES MISERABLE.

THE DORM'S FATE
LIES IN YOUR HANDS.

SINCE WHEN?

SINCE NO ONE ELSE
WANTS THE JOB.

I CAN SEE WHY.

DORM MONITOR IS JUST
ANOTHER WORD FOR DORM SNITCH.

I'M NOT BUSTING PEOPLE
FOR MISSING CURFEW.

JALEESA, COME ON.

THINK OF THE COMMON GOOD.

DID BRUTUS JUMP FOR JOY

WHEN THEY ASKED HIM
TO STAB CAESAR?

NO. HE WAS FREAKED OUT.

BUT HE DID IT.

THESE GUYS DON'T KNOW ME.

THEY WON'T VOTE FOR ME.

I'LL LOSE.

AND I'LL LOSE TO WHITLEY.

DON'T WORRY.

THIS IS AN ELECTION,
NOT A POPULARITY CONTEST.

THAT'S VERY COMFORTING,
BUT THE ANSWER IS STILL NO.

CAN THIS BE?

THE SAME PERSON
WHO JUST THIS AFTERNOON

SAID TO ME

"YOU'LL NEVER KNOW

"UNLESS YOU TRY?

TAKE A RISK--
MAKE THAT CALL"?

AND DID YOU TAKE MY ADVICE?

NOT YET,
BUT IT'S STILL GOOD ADVICE.

COME ON, DENISE.

( knockin )

YOO-HOO, I JUST THOUGHT I'D
OFFER Y'ALL A VICTORY PRALINE.

YOU HAVEN'T WON YET.

THESE HAVE PECANS
AND THESE HAVE WALNUTS.

WALNUTS?

JALEESA IS THINKING
OF RUNNING, TOO.

EXCUSE ME.
WHAT IS SO FUNNY?

I'M JUST CHARMED
BY YOUR BOUNDLESS OPTIMISM.

WELL, MAY THE BEST WOMAN WIN.

I WILL SHOW HER WHAT
SHE CAN DO WITH HER PRALINES.

YOU'LL RUN?

JUST CALL ME BRUTUS.

ALL RIGHT.

YES! JALEESA, GIRL.

GOOD.

I PROMISE TO
DO MY BEST

TO MAKE GILBERT HALL
A SAFE PLACE

FOR GENTEEL LIVING.

WHOO! WHOO! WHOO!

AND IN CONCLUSION,
MY FRIENDS...

MAY I SAY SISTERS...

TO PARAPHRASE
THAT IMMORTAL SONG:

THERE IS NO MOUNTAIN
HIGH ENOUGH.

AND AS DORM MONITOR

THERE IS NO VALLEY LOW ENOUGH.

NOTHING CAN KEEP ME...

KEEP ME FROM DOING MY JOB.

( applaus )

THANK YOU,
WHITLEY.

ARE THERE ANY OTHER CANDIDATES?

BRUTUS!

YEAH!

MY ROOMMATE,
JALEESA VINSON.

UNLIKE MYSELF

THIS GIRL'S GOT
THE REQUISITE
2.7 AVERAGE.

SHE'S MATURE,
SMART

LEVEL-HEADED,
RESPONSIBLE

AND SHE'S BEEN AROUND
LONGER THAN ANY OF US.

MUCH LONGER!

THANKS, MAGGIE

BUT I'LL SPEAK FOR MYSELF.

I'M SURE YOU'RE TIRED
OF SPEECHES

SO LET'S JUST GO TO
QUESTIONS AND ANSWERS.

GIVE ME A PROBLEM,
I'LL GIVE YOU A SOLUTION.

PEOPLE HERE TAKE
TOO LONG IN THE SHOWER.

WHAT'S YOUR SOLUTION?

LET'S GET A TIMER.

ANYONE WHO SPENDS MORE THAN
TEN MINUTES IN THE SHOWER

GETS THEIR TOWEL THROWN IN
WITH THEM.

THAT IS
RIDICULOUS--

NOT TO MENTION UNCIVILIZED.

WHAT'S THE MATTER,
WHITLEY?

AFRAID YOU'LL NEVER HAVE
A DRY TOWEL AGAIN, SUGAR?

MUST WE STOOP
TO CATTINESS
AND GOSSIP?

WAIT.
WHITLEY'S RIGHT...

SO EVERY TIME ANYBODY
GOSSIPS ABOUT OTHERS

THEY'LL GET FINED 25 CENTS.

AT THE END OF THE SEMESTER

WE'LL SPEND THE MONEY
ON A PARTY!

( cheerin )

PLEASE!

PLEASE!

I'M SO EMBARRASSED
BY YOUR ENTHUSIASM.

DWAYNE,
DORM MEETING.

DOOR.

DIG.

WHILE WE'RE ON
THE SUBJECT OF PESTS

LET'S ADDRESS THIS ANT PROBLEM.

THIS MORNING THE LOBBY
LOOKED LIKE A DUMP.

DO WE WANT THAT?

( everyon )
NO!

LET'S KEEP GILBERT CLEAN.

YEAH!

AND MEAN!

YEAH!

AND PRISTINE!

YEAH!

WHOO! WHOO! WHOO!

ANYONE WHO LEAVES GARBAGE
IN THE COMMON AREA IS A PIG.

PIG!

I SAY THEY SHOULD HAVE TO
WEAR A PIG NOSE FOR A DAY.

( chantin )
PIG NOSE! PIG NOSE! PIG NOSE!

THAT'S IT
FOR THE SPEECHES.

NOW WE WILL VOTE
BY A SHOW OF HANDS.

ALL THOSE FOR WHITLEY?

ALL THOSE FOR JALEESA?

JALEESA WINS.

( cheerin )

WAIT A MINUTE!

WAIT A MINUTE!

ARE YOU GOING TO VOTE
FOR A WOMAN

WHO SUGGESTS THAT WE
DRESS UP LIKE PORK?

YEAH!

( chantin )
PIG NOSE! PIG NOSE!

PIG NOSE!
PIG NOSE!
PIG NOSE!

PIG NOSE! PIG NOSE!

RIBBIT!

RIBBIT!

RIBBIT!

SORRY TO INTERRUPT
YOUR QUALITY TIME.

IT'S QUITE ALL RIGHT.

WHAT'S ON YOUR MIND?

A RE-VOTE.

EXCUSE ME?

SURELY YOU MUST REALIZE
THAT LAST NIGHT'S ELECTION

WAS A TRAVESTY OF TRUTH,
JUSTICE, AND THE AMERICAN WAY.

A VERY IMPORTANT VOTER
WAS COMPLETELY IGNORED--

YOUR SON, J.T.

EVEN WITH
J.T.'S VOTE

YOU WOULD NOT HAVE WON.

BESIDES, JALEESA IS
DOING A TERRIFIC JOB.

THERE'S NO
GARBAGE

AND SO FAR TODAY

NO ONE HAS COMPLAINED TO ME
ABOUT ANYTHING... UNTIL NOW.

WE ALL KNOW JALEESA DID NOT
SPEND HER FORMATIVE YEARS

IN A FINISHING SCHOOL
IN SWITZERLAND.

UH-UH-UH.
25 CENTS, PLEASE.

EXCUSE ME?

NEW DORM RULES--
25 CENTS FOR GOSSIPING.

HERE'S $10.00.

BY THE WAY

DENISE HUXTABLE IS
MAKING A FOOL OF HERSELF

CALLING A MAN
SHE DOESN'T EVEN KNOW.

I GOT $9.50 TO GO.

UM...

HELLO. IS
MICHAEL OKU
THERE?

OH, THIS IS MICHAEL.

UM... MY NAME IS
DENISE HUXTABLE.

YOU DON'T KNOW ME.

I'M IN YOUR BIOLOGY CLASS.

UM...

PROFESSOR FOSTER IS HAVING
A WINE AND CHEESE TOMORROW NIGHT

AND I WAS WONDERING
IF MAYBE YOU'D WANT TO...

YOU WOULD?

REALLY?

GREAT.

THAT'S FINE.

I LIVE IN GILBERT.

7:00 WOULD BE FINE.

GREAT. SEE YOU TOMORROW.

OKAY.

BYE.

( shrie )

ANTS!

( knockin )

GOOD MORNING,
MS. DORM MONITOR.

GOOD MORNING.

GUESS WHAT?

SOME ANTS HAD A PARADE
OUTSIDE MY DOOR THIS MORNING

AND I FOLLOWED IT.

GUESS WHAT I FOUND?

EXHIBIT "A"--

THE SMOKING
PIZZA CARTON.

AS YOU CAN SEE

THE BOX SAYS "HUXTABLE"
ON TOP OF IT.

WHAT DOES THAT PROVE?

IT DOESN'T SAY "DENISE."

NICE TRY, BUT MAY I SUGGEST
YOU FORGET ABOUT LAW SCHOOL.

NOW IF MY MEMORY
SERVES ME RIGHT

JALEESA, YOU MADE
A LITTLE RULE

ABOUT WEARING
A PIG NOSE.

YES, I DID.

I HEAR THEY'RE SERVING BACON
AT BREAKFAST.

DENISE WILL BE AMONG FRIENDS.

OH, THIS IS AWFUL.

I DON'T ENVY YOU.

I CAN JUST SEE
DENISE'S FACE

WHEN YOU TELL HER SHE
HAS TO WEAR THE... OH!

WHAT IS WRONG
WITH YOU?

OH, CURSED DAY THAT
THOU DIDST ORDER PIZZA!

WHAT?

DENISE, DID YOU LEAVE THIS
IN THE LOUNGE LAST NIGHT?

I DID, JALEESA.

I'M SORRY.

I FEEL PARTIALLY RESPONSIBLE.

AFTER ALL

I DID PICK AT
THE PEPPERONI.

WHAT IS..?

WHAT?

YOU HAVE TO WEAR THIS.

NO WAY.

DENISE,
IT'S THE RULE.

IT'S MY
ELECTION PROMISE.

BUT I'M
YOUR ROOMMATE...

AND YOUR FRIEND.

THIS IS LIKE DRAMA SOCIETY.

THE CLASSIC
TRAGIC CONFLICT--

DUTY TO FRIENDS AND FAMILY

VERSUS CIVIC DUTY AND THE LAW.

YOU TWO ARE LIKE
ANTIGONE AND CREON.

THIS IS ABOUT TRASH,
NOT TRAGEDY.

IN GILBERT, YOU LITTER...

YOU WEAR THE NOSE.

WHAT DO YOU CARE?

I'LL LOOK FOOLISH.

IF I LET YOU SLIDE,
NO ONE IS GOING TO LISTEN TO ME.

THAT'S WHY CREON HAD
TO BURY ANTIGONE ALIVE

IN THE FAMILY CRYPT.

IT'S OKAY IN THE DORM,
BUT IN CLASS I'M NOT... OH!

JALEESA, MY DATE WITH MICHAEL.

OH, PLEASE, I'LL DO ANYTHING.

DON'T MAKE ME
WEAR THIS TODAY!

I'LL PAY A FINE.

I'LL DO ANYTHING. PLEASE!

I'M SORRY, DENISE.

JALEESA, DENISE HAS NEVER
MET MICHAEL BEFORE.

HE'LL THINK
SHE'S WHACKO.

WHAT ABOUT
CREON AND ANTIGONE?

WE'RE NOT TALKING ABOUT
A BUNCH OF OLD GREEKS.

WE'RE TALKING ABOUT
A GREAT-LOOKING GUY.

I CAN'T BELIEVE
YOU'RE DOING THIS.

YOU ARE NOT LIVING
IN YOUR PARENTS' HOUSE ANYMORE.

YOU'RE GOING TO
HAVE TO DEAL WITH YOUR TRASH.

GROW UP
AND PUT ON THE PIG NOSE!

ALL RIGHT, I WILL
PUT ON THE PIG NOSE.

JUST PRETEND
YOU'RE CYRANO
AND HE'S ROXANNE.

HOT DATE TONIGHT, MISS PIGGY?

I HEARD ABOUT IT.

I MUST SAY THAT YOU ARE
A VERY BRAVE WOMAN.

( gaspin )

WHAT DO YOU SAY
WE GET OUT OF HERE

AND GO DIG FOR TRUFFLES?

OH!

I'M SORRY, DENISE.

I'M SORRY.

I'M SORRY.

WHAT'S THE MATTER?

YOU'VE NEVER SEEN
A BEAUTIFUL WOMAN

WITH A SNOUT BEFORE?

THANKS, DWAYNE.

I WISH YOU COULD
GO ON MY DATE FOR ME.

I TRIED TO CANCEL,
BUT I CAN'T GET HIM.

WHO? I'LL HELP YOU LOSE HIM.

MICHAEL OKU.

MICHAEL OKU?!

I THOUGHT YOU HAD TASTE.

LOOK, I KNOW THE GUY.

I'LL FIND HIM FOR YOU.

YOU WILL?

OH, DWAYNE!

YOU'RE ALL RIGHT SOMETIMES.

YEAH!

UH... WOULD YOU LIKE TO
GO OUT WITH ME TONIGHT?

NO.

HOW ABOUT TUESDAY?

I HAVE SOME TIME IN JUNE.

( chucklin )

EXCUSE ME.
YES?

DO YOU KNOW
DENISE HUXTABLE?

OH... YES, I DO.
NICE GIRL.

I'M SUPPOSED TO PICK HER UP.

I'M MICHAEL OKU.

COULD YOU TELL HER I'M HERE?

UH, YOU KNOW, MICHAEL...

DENISE...
DENISE?

YOU'RE LOOKING FOR DENISE?

DENISE ISN'T HERE.

WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT?

DENISE ISN'T HERE.

MICHAEL IS LOOKING
FOR HER, TOO.

THEY HAVE A DATE.

OH!

UM...

DENISE ISN'T HERE.

SHE CAN'T MAKE IT.

SHE SAID
SHE'S VERY SORRY.

SO AM I.

IS THERE
A COSTUME PARTY HERE?

YEAH.

( no soun )
NO.

ACTUALLY, WE'RE TAKING A CLASS
IN BEAST LITERATURE--

YOU KNOW, FABLES.

WE'RE READING ANIMAL FARM

AND OUR PROFESSOR ASKED US
TO MAKE IT INTO A PLAY

SO THAT'S WHAT WE'RE DOING.

WE'RE THE PIGS.

DENISE...

MICHAEL!

I'VE BEEN LOOKING
ALL OVER FOR YOU.

DENISE HUXTABLE--
AND THIS IS NOT HER--

DENISE HUXTABLE ASKED ME
TO TELL YOU FORGET IT.

SHE DOESN'T WANT
TO DATE YOU.

THANKS, DWAYNE.

MICHAEL...

I'M DENISE.

AND, UM...

THIS IS MY ROOMMATE, MAGGIE.

WE'RE NOT DOING
A PLAY ABOUT PIGS.

WE HAVE TO WEAR
THESE NOSES

BECAUSE I ATE PIZZA

AND LEFT THE CARTON
IN THE LOUNGE.

I'M WEARING IT

BECAUSE I PICKED
AT THE PEPPERONI.

I TRIED TO CALL AND CANCEL

BECAUSE I DIDN'T WANT YOU
TO SEE ME THIS WAY.

WHAT WAY?

ARE YOU BLIND, MAN?

LOOK AT THAT SCHNOZZ.

MAY I BORROW YOUR NOSE?

SURE.

BETTER?

YOU LOOK GREAT.

SHE'S GOING OUT WITH A GUY
WITH A PIG NOSE

AND SHE'S NOT GOING OUT
WITH ME?

HEY.

HEY.

I HAVE TO HAND IT
TO YOU, DENISE.

YOU'RE A BIGGER PERSON
THAN I AM.

THANK YOU.

WITH A BIGGER NOSE, TOO.

MICHAEL THOUGHT IT WAS CUTE.

WE WERE THE HIT OF
THE WINE AND CHEESE.

I WANT TO KNOW--

DID YOU TAKE THE NOSE OFF
AT ANY POINT DURING YOUR DATE?

OH, FOR A MINUTE...
AT THE DOOR.

OKAY, TWO MINUTES.

ONLY TWO MINUTES?

COME ON.

TELL!

( imitating Porky Pi )
B-DE, B-DE, THAT'S ALL, FOLKS.