A Different World (1987–1993): Season 1, Episode 21 - Come Back, Little Eggby - full transcript
Maggie cares for an egg as part of a psychology class assignment on parenting.
£ I KNOW MY PARENTS LOVE ME £
£ STAND BEHIND ME
COME WHAT MAY £
£ I KNOW NOW THAT I'M READY £
£ BECAUSE I FINALLY
HEARD THEM SAY £
£ IT'S A DIFFERENT WORLD £
£ FROM WHERE YOU COME FROM £
£ HERE'S A CHANCE TO MAKE IT £
£ IF WE FOCUS ON OUR GOAL £
£ IF YOU DISH IT,
WE CAN TAKE IT £
£ JUST REMEMBER
YOU'VE BEEN TOLD £
£ IT'S A DIFFERENT WORLD £
£ FROM WHERE YOU COME FROM £
£ IT'S A DIFFERENT WORLD £
£ FROM WHERE YOU COME FROM £
( chattering )
MORNING, JALEESA.
HI, DENISE.
WHITLEY.
WHITLEY.
MY, WHAT FULL PLATES
WE HAVE TODAY.
COULD I BORROW
SOME CONDIMENTS?
MY EGGS NEED SPRINKLING.
SPRINKLE TO YOUR
HEART'S CONTENT.
THANKS.
BON APPETIT, LADIES.
BUT REMEMBER, FULL PLATES TODAY
MEAN EMPTY ARMS TOMORROW.
Dwayne:
COME ON, MAGGIE!
I SAID NO,
DWAYNE.
PLEASE?
DIDN'T YOUR MOTHER
EVER TELL YOU
NOT TO PLAY
WITH FOOD?
THIS ISN'T FOOD.
THESE ARE "EGGBIES."
WHATBY?
"EGGBY--"
"BABY."
YEAH.
YEAH.
IT'S A PSYCH CLASS EXPERIMENT.
WE'RE LOOKING AFTER THEM
LIKE THEY'RE REAL BABIES.
MINE'S A BOY.
HE'S ADORABLE.
COME ON,
LET'S SWITCH, PLEASE.
THIS IS
MY ASSIGNED EGG.
I'M ALREADY
BONDED WITH IT.
YOU'LL BOND WITH
THIS ONE BETTER.
IT'S A GIRL.
YOU'RE A GIRL.
IT WILL BE
A SCRAMBLED GIRL SOON.
WHOOPS!
Girls:
DWAYNE!
AAHH!
PSYCH!
SO, MAGGIE, WHAT'S THE POINT
OF THIS ASSIGNMENT?
WE WRITE DOWN ALL THE THINGS
THAT HAPPEN TO THE EGG.
THAT'S EXCITING.
10:45, SAT ON
CAFETERIA TABLE.
11:00, STILL THERE.
NO, WE MAKE UP THINGS THAT
COULD HAPPEN TO A REAL CHILD
SO WE'LL KNOW WHAT
THE RESPONSIBILITY IS LIKE.
MAGGIE, NO EGG IS GOING
TO TEACH YOU THAT.
REAL CHILDREN
DO NOT COME IN CARTONS.
I ALWAYS WANTED
A BABY BROTHER...
OR A DOG.
YOU NEVER HAD PETS?
NO, DAD WAS ALWAYS TRANSFERRING
TO DIFFERENT ARMY BASES.
I DID HAVE A LOT
OF IMAGINARY FRIENDS, THOUGH.
THERE WAS SHEILA IN SCOTLAND
GUNTHER IN GERMANY
OMAR IN IRAN...
I DIDN'T GET ALONG WITH HIM.
AND PEACH BLOSSOM IN JAPAN.
PEACH BLOSSOM?
SHE WAS SHY.
SOMETIMES I EVEN FORGOT
SHE WAS THERE.
TROUBLE WITH IMAGINARY FRIENDS
IS YOU CAN'T PLAY
CATCH WITH THEM.
HERE ARE
YOUR CONDIMENTS BACK.
THANK YOU.
ARE THEY DOING THAT SILLY
EGG EXPERIMENT AGAIN?
I DID IT LAST YEAR,
AND IT WAS A RELENTLESS BORE.
YOU TOOK CARE OF AN EGG?
OF COURSE NOT.
ANY SENSIBLE PARENT KNOWS
HOW ESSENTIAL A NANNY IS
TO THE UPBRINGING
OF A CHILD.
( knocking )
STEVIE?
YEAH?
I WANT TO ASK YOU SOMETHING
ABOUT BEING A MOTHER.
AH, THE EGG EXPERIMENT AGAIN.
J.T.!
HOW MANY BANDAIDS
DID YOU PUT ON?
ALL OF THEM.
DID TEDDY HURT HIMSELF, TOO?
WE'RE NOT REALLY HURT.
YOU'VE GOT TO REMEMBER
TO TELL THEM
THE PROPER USE
OF BANDAIDS.
OH, THAT'S GOOD,
THAT'S GOOD.
IS THAT
A ROBIN'S EGG?
OH, NO.
IT'S MY EGGBY.
I'M TAKING CARE OF HIM
FOR A CLASS PROJECT.
WHAT'S HIS NAME?
I HAVEN'T
THOUGHT OF A NAME.
CAN YOU THINK OF ONE?
ARTIE.
ARTIE?
HE'S A FIREMAN AT MY SCHOOL.
HE DOESN'T HAVE
ANY HAIR, EITHER.
WE'LL CALL HIM ARTIE, JR.
WHAT CAN I TELL YOU
ABOUT RAISING KIDS?
EVERYTHING.
WHAT DO BABIES WEIGH?
WELL, J.T. WAS
NINE POUNDS EIGHT OUNCES.
I WAS BIG.
SHOW HER MY BOOK, MOMMY.
THAT'S A GOOD IDEA.
IT'S A WHOLE BOOK
ABOUT ME!
WOW!
MAYBE THIS
WILL HELP YOU.
IT'S J.T.'S BABY BOOK.
J.T., YOU DIDN'T HAVE
ANY HAIR, EITHER.
OH, THIS IS PERFECT.
CAN I BORROW
THIS OVERNIGHT?
SURE.
THANK YOU.
MAGGIE, YOU FORGOT SOMETHING.
WHAT?
YOUR FIRSTBORN.
(£ dance music £)
( music stops )
YOU GUYS, LISTEN.
J.T.'S FIRST WORD WAS "WUB."
"WUB?"
MAGGIE
"WUB" IS NOT A WORD.
WELL, HIS FIRST SENTENCE WAS
"MOMMY, I WUB YOU."
OKAY, WHAT SHOULD
ARTIE'S FIRST WORD BE?
WHAT ABOUT "FWY?"
WHY "FWY?"
THEN HIS FIRST SENTENCE COULD BE
"MOMMY, PLEASE DON'T FWY ME."
OHH!
COME ON, THE POINT
OF THIS EXPERIMENT
IS TO START TREATING ARTIE
LIKE A CHILD, NOT AN EGG.
WHY IS HE NAMED "ARTIE"?
J.T. NAMED HIM AFTER
A BALD SCHOOL FIREMAN.
THAT'S WHAT I PLAN
TO NAME ALL MY CHILDREN.
ARE YOU GOING TO HAVE A DOZEN?
PROBABLY TWO...
SUNNY SIDE UP.
Maggie:
YOU GUYS,
COME ON.
IN THE HALF A DAY
I'VE HAD THIS EGG
IT'S MADE ME START THINKING
ABOUT MOTHERHOOD AND STUFF.
I MEAN, WHAT IF
THERE'S A NUCLEAR WAR?
WHAT IF HE RUNS WITH SCISSORS?
WHAT IF HE GETS
IN TROUBLE AT SCHOOL
AND HE CAN'T GET INTO COLLEGE,
CAN'T GET A JOB
AND HE'LL BE 25
AND STILL LIVING AT HOME?
I'LL SAY,
"YOU'RE WASTING YOUR LIFE"
BUT YOU JUST CAN'T TALK TO HIM.
LOOK ON THE BRIGHT SIDE.
WHAT IF HE GROWS UP
TO BE PRESIDENT?
OH, HE'LL BE SO HAPPY
IN THE OVAL OFFICE.
OKAY, I KNOW I'M TAKING THIS
A LITTLE TOO SERIOUSLY.
BUT ARTIE'S THE FIRST THING
I EVER HAD TO CARE FOR.
AND HE BREAKS EASILY,
DON'T YOU?
GOOD NIGHT, LITTLE ARTIE,
PLEASANT DREAMS.
IF YOU'RE HIS MOTHER,
WHO'S THE FATHER--
HUMPTY DUMPTY?
THANKS FOR THE HELP, DWAYNE.
THESE DAYS, I DON'T
HAVE ENOUGH HANDS.
HOW WAS
VOLLEYBALL PRACTICE?
( giggling )
LOUSY.
I COULDN'T CONCENTRATE
WITH ARTIE THERE.
NO KIDDING.
THE BALL HIT HER
MORE THAN SHE HIT IT.
HOW CAN I PLAY
IN THE GAME TONIGHT
WITH ARTIE ON THE SIDELINES?
HE MIGHT GET SPLATTERED
BY A STRAY SPIKE.
MAY I SUGGEST,
FOR THE SINGLE PARENT ON THE GO
THE PADDED
WATER-RESISTANT
AND EXTREMELY FASHIONABLE
EGG TRANSPORTER!
IS THIS THE SAME MAN
WHO WAS PLAYING FRISBEE
WITH HIS DAUGHTER?
A PERSON CAN'T CHANGE?
WE ARE IN COLLEGE
TO LEARN AND GROW, AREN'T WE?
DWAYNE, MAYBE OUR KIDS
COULD PLAY TOGETHER.
NOT ON YOUR LIFE!
I KNOW THOSE BLUE EGGS.
THEY ONLY HAVE ONE THING
ON THEIR MINDS.
LET'S GO, PUMPKIN.
I DON'T KNOW
WHAT TO DO
ABOUT THAT VOLLEYBALL
GAME TONIGHT.
WHY DON'T YOU JUST
LEAVE ARTIE IN THE ROOM?
HE'LL BE FINE.
I'M SUPPOSED TO TREAT HIM
LIKE A REAL KID.
I CAN'T LEAVE HIM
IN A ROOM.
NOT WITH MY STUFF.
I'LL HAVE TO GIVE UP THE GAME
AND STAY AT HOME WITH ARTIE.
MOTHERHOOD!
LOOK, MAGGIE, I'M GOING TO BE
WATCHING J.T. TONIGHT, ANYWAY
SO I GUESS ARTIE WON'T
BE MUCH MORE TROUBLE.
I'LL WATCH HIM
IF YOU WANT ME TO.
I DON'T KNOW.
WOULD A MOTHER LEAVE HER BABY?
MAGGIE, PLEASE!
I RAISED SEVEN
BROTHERS AND SISTERS.
I REALLY THINK
I CAN HANDLE THIS.
DID YOU EVER
DROP ANY?
OKAY, OKAY.
IF STEVIE CAN TRUST YOU,
I CAN TRUST YOU.
GEE, THANKS FOR
THE VOTE OF CONFIDENCE.
HERE.
WHAT'S THAT?
THAT'S THE NUMBER
WHERE I CAN BE REACHED.
DID YOU TIME ME?
EXACTLY THREE MINUTES
AND 29 SECONDS.
THAT'S PRETTY FAST
FOR CHANGING INTO YOUR PAJAMAS.
DID YOU CHEAT?
NO.
I WON'T FIND CLOTHES
ALL OVER THE FLOOR, WILL I?
TIME ME AGAIN.
OKAY.
Denise:
JALEESA?
YEAH?
YOUR DESK DRAWER IS STUCK,
AND MY CALCULATOR IS PRISONER.
WILL YOU HELP ME?
I CAN'T.
I'M BABYSITTING.
BESIDES, THIS
IS THE BEST PART.
I REALLY NEED
MY CALCULATOR.
YOU HAVE A SUDDEN
URGE TO CALCULATE?
NO, A SUDDEN URGE TO PASS
MY CALCULUS TEST TOMORROW.
BUONA SERA, TUTTI.
MY, JALEESA, DON'T WE
LOOK COMFY TONIGHT.
WILL YOU WATCH J.T.?
ORDINARILY, I DEVOTE THIS TIME
TO MY NIGHTLY BEAUTY RITUAL--
SOMETHING I RECOMMEND
FOR YOU TWO, AS WELL.
MY CALCULATOR IS STUCK
IN JALEESA'S DRAWER
AND I NEED HER HELP
TO GET IT.
PLEASE, PLEASE.
THERE'S NO NEED TO EXPLAIN
YOUR BIZARRE SHARING TO ME.
SO, WILL YOU WATCH J.T.?
OH, I SUPPOSE SO.
WHERE IS THE LITTLE CHERUB?
HE'S IN HIS ROOM
PICKING UP HIS CLOTHES.
SHOULDN'T HE BE ABOARD
THE SLUMBERLAND EXPRESS BY NOW?
IT IS HIS BEDTIME.
GIVE HIM SOME MILK
AND TELL HIM ABOUT
YOUR GREAT-GREAT AUNT GENEVIEVE
SHAKING PRESIDENT TAFT'S HAND.
HE'LL BE IN SLUMBERLAND
IN NO TIME.
WHITLEY, WHERE'S J.T.?
I TUCKED HIM IN
FOR THE NIGHT.
THE SUGAR PIE
IS SOUND ASLEEP.
I TOLD YOU THAT PRESIDENT TAFT
STORY WORKS LIKE A CHARM.
I TELL IT
TO MYSELF SOMETIMES.
WHAT IS MICHAEL LANDON
DOING ON TWILIGHT ZONE?
I LEARN SOMETHING NEW EVERY WEEK
ON HIGHWAY TO HEAVEN.
YEAH.
YEAH.
STUDY BREAK ALREADY?
I FIND POPCORN ESSENTIAL
TO SOLVING QUADRATIC EQUATIONS.
YEAH.
WHERE'S ARTIE?
WHO?
ARTIE THE EGGBY.
HE'S RIGHT IN THE...
OH, NO!
OH, NO!
QUICK, CHECK
AROUND THE COUCH!
HE'S GOT TO BE
HERE SOMEWHERE.
WHEN'S MAGGIE GETTING BACK?
ANY MINUTE.
THE GAME'S OVER BY NOW.
SHE'LL FREAK.
KEEP LOOKING.
BE CAREFUL WHERE YOU STEP.
WHERE IS IT?
HE WAS RIGHT HERE,
UNTIL I WENT UPSTAIRS WITH YOU.
DON'T BRING ME INTO THIS!
YOU WERE EGGSITTING!
I WAS UNTIL YOU CAME DOWN
CRYING ABOUT MY DESK DRAWER!
YOU'RE JUST AS RESPONSIBLE.
IT DOESN'T MATTER.
MAGGIE'S GOING
TO KILL US BOTH.
THIS IS CRAZY.
SHE'S GOING TO WALK
THROUGH THAT DOOR
FIND ARTIE MISSING,
AND JUMP ALL OVER US.
I KNOW.
ALL BECAUSE OF
A STUPID BLUE EGG.
YOU'RE RIGHT!
IF THE EGG'S SO IMPORTANT,
WHY DOES SHE LEAVE IT HERE?
RIGHT.
SOME MOTHER.
SOME NERVE.
I'M DOING HER A FAVOR,
WASTING MY EVENING
AND SHE'LL HAVE
THAT ATTITUDE?
OKAY.
IF SHE THINKS
I'M GOING TO FEEL GUILTY
SHE'S GOT
ANOTHER THING COMING.
HEY, I MADE
THE WINNING SPIKE!
IT WAS JUST AN EGG.
WHAT?
DENISE HAS GOT
SOMETHING TO TELL YOU.
I SHOULDN'T HAVE LEFT HIM.
I'M SORRY.
SORRY WON'T BRING ARTIE BACK.
OKAY, DID YOU LOOK
UNDER THE COUCH?
MAYBE HE ROLLED
UNDER THERE.
ARTIE'S NOT HERE.
OH, MY GOD.
YOU DIDN'T DROP HIM, DID YOU?
HE'S NOT AT THE BOTTOM
OF SOME GARBAGE PAIL
SMEARED ALL OVER
SOME CHEAP PAPER TOWEL?
NO ONE DROPPED HIM.
HE'S JUST MISSING...
TEMPORARILY.
WHERE WAS HE?
WHERE DID YOU LAST SEE HIM?
HE WAS RIGHT HERE ALL NIGHT
BETWEEN THE PEANUT BUTTER
AND THE POPCORN
UNTIL I CAME DOWNSTAIRS.
DOWNSTAIRS?
YOU LEFT HIM?
JUST FOR A MINUTE.
DENISE BEGGED ME
TO GO AND HELP HER
WITH MY
DESK DRAWER.
I REALLY NEEDED MY CALCULATOR,
TO DO MY CALCULUS.
YOU DID LEAVE HIM ALL ALONE.
NO, WHITLEY WAS HERE.
WHITLEY?!
OKAY, WHERE'S MY...
MURDERER!
DON'T YOU THINK YOU'RE CARRYING
VEGETARIANISM A LITTLE TOO FAR?
DID YOU TAKE
MAGGIE'S EGG?
WHY WOULD I DO THAT?
I DON'T JUST USE
ANY OLD YOLK ON MY SKIN.
ARE YOU POSITIVE YOU DIDN'T
PICK UP MAGGIE'S EGG?
JALEESA, ARE YOU ACCUSING ME
OF BEING AN EGG POACHER?
THAT'S ALMOST FUNNY, ISN'T IT?
CHECK THE EGG SHELLS
IF YOU'RE NOT CONVINCED.
SHE'S TELLING THE TRUTH.
THERE'S NO BLUE SHELLS IN HERE.
SORRY, WHITLEY.
OH, MAGGIE, I'M...
I'M REALLY SORRY.
THIS IS JUST AS
MUCH MY FAULT.
IT'S NOBODY'S FAULT
BUT MY OWN.
I MADE THE DECISION
TO LEAVE HIM WITH YOU.
IT WAS AN INCREDIBLY
STUPID DECISION.
IT WAS MY DECISION.
I KNOW YOU'RE DISTRAUGHT,
BUT DON'T DWELL ON YOUR SORROWS.
OR ON MY BED.
AREN'T YOU GOING
TO BE LATE FOR CLASS?
HE'S OUT THERE SOMEWHERE.
WHO?
ARTIE.
SOMEWHERE AMONG THOSE DEAD
LEAVES AND THOSE BARREN TREES
THERE'S A BLUE EGGBY OUT THERE.
HE'S CALLING OUT FOR HELP,
BUT NO ONE CAN HEAR HIM
BECAUSE HE HAS NO LIPS.
HE'LL SHOW UP
SOONER OR LATER.
HE'S GOT A TOUGH SHELL.
I MADE UP SOME POSTERS
TO PUT AROUND CAMPUS.
I KNOW YOU GUYS THINK I'M CRAZY,
BUT I HAVEN'T BEEN THIS UPSET
SINCE MY PET GOT
LEFT OUT IN THE RAIN.
I THOUGHT YOU DIDN'T
HAVE ANY PETS.
HE WASN'T A REAL PET.
HE WAS A KLEENEX ON A LEASH.
BYE, SWEETIE.
BYE.
WE'VE GOT TO HELP THIS GIRL.
WHICH ONE OF THESE
MOST LOOKS LIKE ARTIE--
MEDIUM, EXTRA LARGE
OR JUMBO?
DENISE, I DON'T KNOW.
HE WAS AN EGG.
HE DIDN'T HAVE ANY
DISTINGUISHING FEATURES.
YOU WERE THE LAST
TO SEE ARTIE ALIVE.
I'LL HAVE TO SAY
BACHELOR NUMBER TWO.
THIS GUY?
NO WAY.
FINE, THEN YOU PICK ONE.
NO, IT'S TOO THIN.
HOW ABOUT THIS ONE?
IT'S TOO POINTY.
ARTIE!
ARTIE!
HEY, ANY LUCK
WITH THE POSTERS?
NO.
IT DOESN'T MATTER.
IT'S JUST
A PSYCH EXPERIMENT.
MAGGIE, I KNOW
HOW YOU REALLY FEEL.
I FEEL LIKE I
FAILED AS A PARENT.
ANYBODY CAN TELL THAT
YOU'D MAKE A GREAT MOTHER.
YOU'RE WARM, CARING...
WARM.
THANKS, DWAYNE.
DO YOU THINK I'D
MAKE A GOOD FATHER?
YEAH.
WOULD YOU DO ME
A FAVOR?
WHAT?
WOULD YOU BE SURE
TO TELL DENISE?
HEY, MAGG-AY.
WE GOT SOME GREAT NEWS.
WE CAME HOME
FROM CLASS TODAY
AND GUESS WHO...
ARTIE!
THIS ISN'T ARTIE.
ARE YOU SURE?
HOW CAN YOU TELL?
A MOTHER CAN TELL.
THIS IS AN IMPOSTOR.
SOMEBODY'S TRYING
TO SELL YOU A WOLF TICKET.
SOMEBODY WHO FORGOT TO WASH
INCRIMINATING EGG DYE
OFF HER HANDS.
THE SAME SOMEBODIES
WHO WOULD MAKE UP
AN EGG-ON-THE-DOORSTEP STORY
BECAUSE THEY'RE FEELING
A LITTLE GUILTY.
DENISE, JALEESA,
I'M SURPRISED AT YOU.
YOU JUST DON'T UNDERSTAND.
YOU CAN'T FOOL
A PARENT.
WE WERE ONLY
TRYING TO HELP.
YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND.
WHEN I STARTED THIS EXPERIMENT,
I DIDN'T CARE ABOUT DOREEN.
SHE WAS JUST ANOTHER EGG.
BUT THEN, SOMETHING HAPPENED.
SHE BECAME A PART OF ME,
LIKE MY HIGHTOPS.
I GUESS WE
MADE A MISTAKE.
TO ERR IS HUMAN, BUT
YOU GUYS REALLY MESSED UP.
WHAT KIND OF WORLD IS THIS...
( slam )
...WHERE AN EGG DISAPPEARS?
SORRY ABOUT THE DOOR.
I THINK WE NEED TO TALK.
ABOUT MY DOOR SLAMMING?
NO, ABOUT THIS EGG BUSINESS.
I KNOW LOSING THIS EGG
IS UPSETTING TO YOU.
JALEESA AND DENISE TRIED
TO SLIP ME A FAKE ARTIE
AS IF I WOULDN'T
KNOW THE DIFFERENCE.
IF SOMEONE SLIPPED YOU
A FAKE J.T., HOW WOULD YOU FEEL?
J.T. IS MY FLESH AND BLOOD.
ARTIE IS JUST AN EGG.
I KNOW, BUT HE WAS
MY RESPONSIBILITY
AND I REALLY BLEW IT.
MAGGIE, I LOST J.T.
AT A DEPARTMENT STORE,
IN THE FABRIC SECTION.
IT WAS THE LONGEST
TWO HOURS OF MY LIFE.
BUT YOU FOUND HIM.
NOT ME, A SECURITY GUARD
FOUND HIM
FAST ASLEEP IN THE FAKE FURS.
REALLY?
MOTHERS MAKE LOTS OF MISTAKES.
MOTHERHOOD IS NOT A COURSE
YOU CAN GET AN "A" IN.
BUT I FAILED.
COME WITH ME.
I NEED TO CHECK J.T.
HE'S PROBABLY KICKED
HIS COVERS OFF BY NOW.
I THINK HE DOES THE DECATHLON
IN HIS SLEEP.
IT'S NOT FAIR.
HE'S HELL ON WHEELS ALL DAY.
WHEN I SEE HIM LIKE THIS,
I JUST MELT.
THIS ROOM WAS CLEAN AN HOUR AGO.
PUT THIS IN HIS GLOVE.
( gasp )
IT'S ARTIE!
I CAN'T BELIEVE IT.
HOW DID J.T.
WIND UP WITH HIM?
HIS FATHER GAVE
HIM THAT GLOVE.
I GUESS J.T. REALLY WANTED
TO TAKE CARE OF HIM.
AND HE DID
NAME HIM ARTIE.
YOU KNOW, J.T.
IS AN ONLY CHILD.
I'LL JUST TELL J.T.
ARTIE HAD TO GO HOME.
NO, I GUESS IT WILL BE OKAY IF
HE SLEEPS AT A FRIEND'S HOUSE.
I'LL PICK YOU UP
IN THE MORNING.
I'LL TAKE DOWN
THE POSTERS.
THERE IS SO MUCH TO KNOW
ABOUT BEING A MOTHER.
I DON'T KNOW HOW I'LL
EVER LEARN IT IN TIME.
DON'T WORRY.
NO ONE EVER DOES.
THANK YOU.
WE ACCEPTED
OVER AN HOUR AGO.
I FEEL SO BAD.
YOU GUYS DID SOMETHING NICE
AND I NEARLY
TOOK YOUR HEADS OFF.
IF YOU CAN'T BEHEAD
YOUR ROOMMATES
WHO CAN YOU BEHEAD?
ALL OF THIS MADE ME
THINK ABOUT MY MOM.
I THOUGHT SHE
KNEW EVERYTHING.
WHEN SHE HAD ME, SHE WAS
A YEAR YOUNGER THAN YOU.
SCARY--
YOU COULD BE MY MOM.
OH, THAT IS SCARY.
YOU KNOW WHAT I
GET A KICK OUT OF?
DWAYNE.
OVERNIGHT HE WENT FROM
MACHO MAN TO MR. MOM.
STOP APOLOGIZING.
HE WANTED ME TO BE
SURE TO TELL YOU
WHAT A GREAT FATHER
HE'D MAKE.
TELL HIM I ALREADY
HAVE A FATHER.
YEAH.
Captioning made possible by
WRIGLEY'S SPEARMINT CHEWING GUM
and NBC.
Captioned by
The Caption Center
WGBH Educational Foundation
£ STAND BEHIND ME
COME WHAT MAY £
£ I KNOW NOW THAT I'M READY £
£ BECAUSE I FINALLY
HEARD THEM SAY £
£ IT'S A DIFFERENT WORLD £
£ FROM WHERE YOU COME FROM £
£ HERE'S A CHANCE TO MAKE IT £
£ IF WE FOCUS ON OUR GOAL £
£ IF YOU DISH IT,
WE CAN TAKE IT £
£ JUST REMEMBER
YOU'VE BEEN TOLD £
£ IT'S A DIFFERENT WORLD £
£ FROM WHERE YOU COME FROM £
£ IT'S A DIFFERENT WORLD £
£ FROM WHERE YOU COME FROM £
( chattering )
MORNING, JALEESA.
HI, DENISE.
WHITLEY.
WHITLEY.
MY, WHAT FULL PLATES
WE HAVE TODAY.
COULD I BORROW
SOME CONDIMENTS?
MY EGGS NEED SPRINKLING.
SPRINKLE TO YOUR
HEART'S CONTENT.
THANKS.
BON APPETIT, LADIES.
BUT REMEMBER, FULL PLATES TODAY
MEAN EMPTY ARMS TOMORROW.
Dwayne:
COME ON, MAGGIE!
I SAID NO,
DWAYNE.
PLEASE?
DIDN'T YOUR MOTHER
EVER TELL YOU
NOT TO PLAY
WITH FOOD?
THIS ISN'T FOOD.
THESE ARE "EGGBIES."
WHATBY?
"EGGBY--"
"BABY."
YEAH.
YEAH.
IT'S A PSYCH CLASS EXPERIMENT.
WE'RE LOOKING AFTER THEM
LIKE THEY'RE REAL BABIES.
MINE'S A BOY.
HE'S ADORABLE.
COME ON,
LET'S SWITCH, PLEASE.
THIS IS
MY ASSIGNED EGG.
I'M ALREADY
BONDED WITH IT.
YOU'LL BOND WITH
THIS ONE BETTER.
IT'S A GIRL.
YOU'RE A GIRL.
IT WILL BE
A SCRAMBLED GIRL SOON.
WHOOPS!
Girls:
DWAYNE!
AAHH!
PSYCH!
SO, MAGGIE, WHAT'S THE POINT
OF THIS ASSIGNMENT?
WE WRITE DOWN ALL THE THINGS
THAT HAPPEN TO THE EGG.
THAT'S EXCITING.
10:45, SAT ON
CAFETERIA TABLE.
11:00, STILL THERE.
NO, WE MAKE UP THINGS THAT
COULD HAPPEN TO A REAL CHILD
SO WE'LL KNOW WHAT
THE RESPONSIBILITY IS LIKE.
MAGGIE, NO EGG IS GOING
TO TEACH YOU THAT.
REAL CHILDREN
DO NOT COME IN CARTONS.
I ALWAYS WANTED
A BABY BROTHER...
OR A DOG.
YOU NEVER HAD PETS?
NO, DAD WAS ALWAYS TRANSFERRING
TO DIFFERENT ARMY BASES.
I DID HAVE A LOT
OF IMAGINARY FRIENDS, THOUGH.
THERE WAS SHEILA IN SCOTLAND
GUNTHER IN GERMANY
OMAR IN IRAN...
I DIDN'T GET ALONG WITH HIM.
AND PEACH BLOSSOM IN JAPAN.
PEACH BLOSSOM?
SHE WAS SHY.
SOMETIMES I EVEN FORGOT
SHE WAS THERE.
TROUBLE WITH IMAGINARY FRIENDS
IS YOU CAN'T PLAY
CATCH WITH THEM.
HERE ARE
YOUR CONDIMENTS BACK.
THANK YOU.
ARE THEY DOING THAT SILLY
EGG EXPERIMENT AGAIN?
I DID IT LAST YEAR,
AND IT WAS A RELENTLESS BORE.
YOU TOOK CARE OF AN EGG?
OF COURSE NOT.
ANY SENSIBLE PARENT KNOWS
HOW ESSENTIAL A NANNY IS
TO THE UPBRINGING
OF A CHILD.
( knocking )
STEVIE?
YEAH?
I WANT TO ASK YOU SOMETHING
ABOUT BEING A MOTHER.
AH, THE EGG EXPERIMENT AGAIN.
J.T.!
HOW MANY BANDAIDS
DID YOU PUT ON?
ALL OF THEM.
DID TEDDY HURT HIMSELF, TOO?
WE'RE NOT REALLY HURT.
YOU'VE GOT TO REMEMBER
TO TELL THEM
THE PROPER USE
OF BANDAIDS.
OH, THAT'S GOOD,
THAT'S GOOD.
IS THAT
A ROBIN'S EGG?
OH, NO.
IT'S MY EGGBY.
I'M TAKING CARE OF HIM
FOR A CLASS PROJECT.
WHAT'S HIS NAME?
I HAVEN'T
THOUGHT OF A NAME.
CAN YOU THINK OF ONE?
ARTIE.
ARTIE?
HE'S A FIREMAN AT MY SCHOOL.
HE DOESN'T HAVE
ANY HAIR, EITHER.
WE'LL CALL HIM ARTIE, JR.
WHAT CAN I TELL YOU
ABOUT RAISING KIDS?
EVERYTHING.
WHAT DO BABIES WEIGH?
WELL, J.T. WAS
NINE POUNDS EIGHT OUNCES.
I WAS BIG.
SHOW HER MY BOOK, MOMMY.
THAT'S A GOOD IDEA.
IT'S A WHOLE BOOK
ABOUT ME!
WOW!
MAYBE THIS
WILL HELP YOU.
IT'S J.T.'S BABY BOOK.
J.T., YOU DIDN'T HAVE
ANY HAIR, EITHER.
OH, THIS IS PERFECT.
CAN I BORROW
THIS OVERNIGHT?
SURE.
THANK YOU.
MAGGIE, YOU FORGOT SOMETHING.
WHAT?
YOUR FIRSTBORN.
(£ dance music £)
( music stops )
YOU GUYS, LISTEN.
J.T.'S FIRST WORD WAS "WUB."
"WUB?"
MAGGIE
"WUB" IS NOT A WORD.
WELL, HIS FIRST SENTENCE WAS
"MOMMY, I WUB YOU."
OKAY, WHAT SHOULD
ARTIE'S FIRST WORD BE?
WHAT ABOUT "FWY?"
WHY "FWY?"
THEN HIS FIRST SENTENCE COULD BE
"MOMMY, PLEASE DON'T FWY ME."
OHH!
COME ON, THE POINT
OF THIS EXPERIMENT
IS TO START TREATING ARTIE
LIKE A CHILD, NOT AN EGG.
WHY IS HE NAMED "ARTIE"?
J.T. NAMED HIM AFTER
A BALD SCHOOL FIREMAN.
THAT'S WHAT I PLAN
TO NAME ALL MY CHILDREN.
ARE YOU GOING TO HAVE A DOZEN?
PROBABLY TWO...
SUNNY SIDE UP.
Maggie:
YOU GUYS,
COME ON.
IN THE HALF A DAY
I'VE HAD THIS EGG
IT'S MADE ME START THINKING
ABOUT MOTHERHOOD AND STUFF.
I MEAN, WHAT IF
THERE'S A NUCLEAR WAR?
WHAT IF HE RUNS WITH SCISSORS?
WHAT IF HE GETS
IN TROUBLE AT SCHOOL
AND HE CAN'T GET INTO COLLEGE,
CAN'T GET A JOB
AND HE'LL BE 25
AND STILL LIVING AT HOME?
I'LL SAY,
"YOU'RE WASTING YOUR LIFE"
BUT YOU JUST CAN'T TALK TO HIM.
LOOK ON THE BRIGHT SIDE.
WHAT IF HE GROWS UP
TO BE PRESIDENT?
OH, HE'LL BE SO HAPPY
IN THE OVAL OFFICE.
OKAY, I KNOW I'M TAKING THIS
A LITTLE TOO SERIOUSLY.
BUT ARTIE'S THE FIRST THING
I EVER HAD TO CARE FOR.
AND HE BREAKS EASILY,
DON'T YOU?
GOOD NIGHT, LITTLE ARTIE,
PLEASANT DREAMS.
IF YOU'RE HIS MOTHER,
WHO'S THE FATHER--
HUMPTY DUMPTY?
THANKS FOR THE HELP, DWAYNE.
THESE DAYS, I DON'T
HAVE ENOUGH HANDS.
HOW WAS
VOLLEYBALL PRACTICE?
( giggling )
LOUSY.
I COULDN'T CONCENTRATE
WITH ARTIE THERE.
NO KIDDING.
THE BALL HIT HER
MORE THAN SHE HIT IT.
HOW CAN I PLAY
IN THE GAME TONIGHT
WITH ARTIE ON THE SIDELINES?
HE MIGHT GET SPLATTERED
BY A STRAY SPIKE.
MAY I SUGGEST,
FOR THE SINGLE PARENT ON THE GO
THE PADDED
WATER-RESISTANT
AND EXTREMELY FASHIONABLE
EGG TRANSPORTER!
IS THIS THE SAME MAN
WHO WAS PLAYING FRISBEE
WITH HIS DAUGHTER?
A PERSON CAN'T CHANGE?
WE ARE IN COLLEGE
TO LEARN AND GROW, AREN'T WE?
DWAYNE, MAYBE OUR KIDS
COULD PLAY TOGETHER.
NOT ON YOUR LIFE!
I KNOW THOSE BLUE EGGS.
THEY ONLY HAVE ONE THING
ON THEIR MINDS.
LET'S GO, PUMPKIN.
I DON'T KNOW
WHAT TO DO
ABOUT THAT VOLLEYBALL
GAME TONIGHT.
WHY DON'T YOU JUST
LEAVE ARTIE IN THE ROOM?
HE'LL BE FINE.
I'M SUPPOSED TO TREAT HIM
LIKE A REAL KID.
I CAN'T LEAVE HIM
IN A ROOM.
NOT WITH MY STUFF.
I'LL HAVE TO GIVE UP THE GAME
AND STAY AT HOME WITH ARTIE.
MOTHERHOOD!
LOOK, MAGGIE, I'M GOING TO BE
WATCHING J.T. TONIGHT, ANYWAY
SO I GUESS ARTIE WON'T
BE MUCH MORE TROUBLE.
I'LL WATCH HIM
IF YOU WANT ME TO.
I DON'T KNOW.
WOULD A MOTHER LEAVE HER BABY?
MAGGIE, PLEASE!
I RAISED SEVEN
BROTHERS AND SISTERS.
I REALLY THINK
I CAN HANDLE THIS.
DID YOU EVER
DROP ANY?
OKAY, OKAY.
IF STEVIE CAN TRUST YOU,
I CAN TRUST YOU.
GEE, THANKS FOR
THE VOTE OF CONFIDENCE.
HERE.
WHAT'S THAT?
THAT'S THE NUMBER
WHERE I CAN BE REACHED.
DID YOU TIME ME?
EXACTLY THREE MINUTES
AND 29 SECONDS.
THAT'S PRETTY FAST
FOR CHANGING INTO YOUR PAJAMAS.
DID YOU CHEAT?
NO.
I WON'T FIND CLOTHES
ALL OVER THE FLOOR, WILL I?
TIME ME AGAIN.
OKAY.
Denise:
JALEESA?
YEAH?
YOUR DESK DRAWER IS STUCK,
AND MY CALCULATOR IS PRISONER.
WILL YOU HELP ME?
I CAN'T.
I'M BABYSITTING.
BESIDES, THIS
IS THE BEST PART.
I REALLY NEED
MY CALCULATOR.
YOU HAVE A SUDDEN
URGE TO CALCULATE?
NO, A SUDDEN URGE TO PASS
MY CALCULUS TEST TOMORROW.
BUONA SERA, TUTTI.
MY, JALEESA, DON'T WE
LOOK COMFY TONIGHT.
WILL YOU WATCH J.T.?
ORDINARILY, I DEVOTE THIS TIME
TO MY NIGHTLY BEAUTY RITUAL--
SOMETHING I RECOMMEND
FOR YOU TWO, AS WELL.
MY CALCULATOR IS STUCK
IN JALEESA'S DRAWER
AND I NEED HER HELP
TO GET IT.
PLEASE, PLEASE.
THERE'S NO NEED TO EXPLAIN
YOUR BIZARRE SHARING TO ME.
SO, WILL YOU WATCH J.T.?
OH, I SUPPOSE SO.
WHERE IS THE LITTLE CHERUB?
HE'S IN HIS ROOM
PICKING UP HIS CLOTHES.
SHOULDN'T HE BE ABOARD
THE SLUMBERLAND EXPRESS BY NOW?
IT IS HIS BEDTIME.
GIVE HIM SOME MILK
AND TELL HIM ABOUT
YOUR GREAT-GREAT AUNT GENEVIEVE
SHAKING PRESIDENT TAFT'S HAND.
HE'LL BE IN SLUMBERLAND
IN NO TIME.
WHITLEY, WHERE'S J.T.?
I TUCKED HIM IN
FOR THE NIGHT.
THE SUGAR PIE
IS SOUND ASLEEP.
I TOLD YOU THAT PRESIDENT TAFT
STORY WORKS LIKE A CHARM.
I TELL IT
TO MYSELF SOMETIMES.
WHAT IS MICHAEL LANDON
DOING ON TWILIGHT ZONE?
I LEARN SOMETHING NEW EVERY WEEK
ON HIGHWAY TO HEAVEN.
YEAH.
YEAH.
STUDY BREAK ALREADY?
I FIND POPCORN ESSENTIAL
TO SOLVING QUADRATIC EQUATIONS.
YEAH.
WHERE'S ARTIE?
WHO?
ARTIE THE EGGBY.
HE'S RIGHT IN THE...
OH, NO!
OH, NO!
QUICK, CHECK
AROUND THE COUCH!
HE'S GOT TO BE
HERE SOMEWHERE.
WHEN'S MAGGIE GETTING BACK?
ANY MINUTE.
THE GAME'S OVER BY NOW.
SHE'LL FREAK.
KEEP LOOKING.
BE CAREFUL WHERE YOU STEP.
WHERE IS IT?
HE WAS RIGHT HERE,
UNTIL I WENT UPSTAIRS WITH YOU.
DON'T BRING ME INTO THIS!
YOU WERE EGGSITTING!
I WAS UNTIL YOU CAME DOWN
CRYING ABOUT MY DESK DRAWER!
YOU'RE JUST AS RESPONSIBLE.
IT DOESN'T MATTER.
MAGGIE'S GOING
TO KILL US BOTH.
THIS IS CRAZY.
SHE'S GOING TO WALK
THROUGH THAT DOOR
FIND ARTIE MISSING,
AND JUMP ALL OVER US.
I KNOW.
ALL BECAUSE OF
A STUPID BLUE EGG.
YOU'RE RIGHT!
IF THE EGG'S SO IMPORTANT,
WHY DOES SHE LEAVE IT HERE?
RIGHT.
SOME MOTHER.
SOME NERVE.
I'M DOING HER A FAVOR,
WASTING MY EVENING
AND SHE'LL HAVE
THAT ATTITUDE?
OKAY.
IF SHE THINKS
I'M GOING TO FEEL GUILTY
SHE'S GOT
ANOTHER THING COMING.
HEY, I MADE
THE WINNING SPIKE!
IT WAS JUST AN EGG.
WHAT?
DENISE HAS GOT
SOMETHING TO TELL YOU.
I SHOULDN'T HAVE LEFT HIM.
I'M SORRY.
SORRY WON'T BRING ARTIE BACK.
OKAY, DID YOU LOOK
UNDER THE COUCH?
MAYBE HE ROLLED
UNDER THERE.
ARTIE'S NOT HERE.
OH, MY GOD.
YOU DIDN'T DROP HIM, DID YOU?
HE'S NOT AT THE BOTTOM
OF SOME GARBAGE PAIL
SMEARED ALL OVER
SOME CHEAP PAPER TOWEL?
NO ONE DROPPED HIM.
HE'S JUST MISSING...
TEMPORARILY.
WHERE WAS HE?
WHERE DID YOU LAST SEE HIM?
HE WAS RIGHT HERE ALL NIGHT
BETWEEN THE PEANUT BUTTER
AND THE POPCORN
UNTIL I CAME DOWNSTAIRS.
DOWNSTAIRS?
YOU LEFT HIM?
JUST FOR A MINUTE.
DENISE BEGGED ME
TO GO AND HELP HER
WITH MY
DESK DRAWER.
I REALLY NEEDED MY CALCULATOR,
TO DO MY CALCULUS.
YOU DID LEAVE HIM ALL ALONE.
NO, WHITLEY WAS HERE.
WHITLEY?!
OKAY, WHERE'S MY...
MURDERER!
DON'T YOU THINK YOU'RE CARRYING
VEGETARIANISM A LITTLE TOO FAR?
DID YOU TAKE
MAGGIE'S EGG?
WHY WOULD I DO THAT?
I DON'T JUST USE
ANY OLD YOLK ON MY SKIN.
ARE YOU POSITIVE YOU DIDN'T
PICK UP MAGGIE'S EGG?
JALEESA, ARE YOU ACCUSING ME
OF BEING AN EGG POACHER?
THAT'S ALMOST FUNNY, ISN'T IT?
CHECK THE EGG SHELLS
IF YOU'RE NOT CONVINCED.
SHE'S TELLING THE TRUTH.
THERE'S NO BLUE SHELLS IN HERE.
SORRY, WHITLEY.
OH, MAGGIE, I'M...
I'M REALLY SORRY.
THIS IS JUST AS
MUCH MY FAULT.
IT'S NOBODY'S FAULT
BUT MY OWN.
I MADE THE DECISION
TO LEAVE HIM WITH YOU.
IT WAS AN INCREDIBLY
STUPID DECISION.
IT WAS MY DECISION.
I KNOW YOU'RE DISTRAUGHT,
BUT DON'T DWELL ON YOUR SORROWS.
OR ON MY BED.
AREN'T YOU GOING
TO BE LATE FOR CLASS?
HE'S OUT THERE SOMEWHERE.
WHO?
ARTIE.
SOMEWHERE AMONG THOSE DEAD
LEAVES AND THOSE BARREN TREES
THERE'S A BLUE EGGBY OUT THERE.
HE'S CALLING OUT FOR HELP,
BUT NO ONE CAN HEAR HIM
BECAUSE HE HAS NO LIPS.
HE'LL SHOW UP
SOONER OR LATER.
HE'S GOT A TOUGH SHELL.
I MADE UP SOME POSTERS
TO PUT AROUND CAMPUS.
I KNOW YOU GUYS THINK I'M CRAZY,
BUT I HAVEN'T BEEN THIS UPSET
SINCE MY PET GOT
LEFT OUT IN THE RAIN.
I THOUGHT YOU DIDN'T
HAVE ANY PETS.
HE WASN'T A REAL PET.
HE WAS A KLEENEX ON A LEASH.
BYE, SWEETIE.
BYE.
WE'VE GOT TO HELP THIS GIRL.
WHICH ONE OF THESE
MOST LOOKS LIKE ARTIE--
MEDIUM, EXTRA LARGE
OR JUMBO?
DENISE, I DON'T KNOW.
HE WAS AN EGG.
HE DIDN'T HAVE ANY
DISTINGUISHING FEATURES.
YOU WERE THE LAST
TO SEE ARTIE ALIVE.
I'LL HAVE TO SAY
BACHELOR NUMBER TWO.
THIS GUY?
NO WAY.
FINE, THEN YOU PICK ONE.
NO, IT'S TOO THIN.
HOW ABOUT THIS ONE?
IT'S TOO POINTY.
ARTIE!
ARTIE!
HEY, ANY LUCK
WITH THE POSTERS?
NO.
IT DOESN'T MATTER.
IT'S JUST
A PSYCH EXPERIMENT.
MAGGIE, I KNOW
HOW YOU REALLY FEEL.
I FEEL LIKE I
FAILED AS A PARENT.
ANYBODY CAN TELL THAT
YOU'D MAKE A GREAT MOTHER.
YOU'RE WARM, CARING...
WARM.
THANKS, DWAYNE.
DO YOU THINK I'D
MAKE A GOOD FATHER?
YEAH.
WOULD YOU DO ME
A FAVOR?
WHAT?
WOULD YOU BE SURE
TO TELL DENISE?
HEY, MAGG-AY.
WE GOT SOME GREAT NEWS.
WE CAME HOME
FROM CLASS TODAY
AND GUESS WHO...
ARTIE!
THIS ISN'T ARTIE.
ARE YOU SURE?
HOW CAN YOU TELL?
A MOTHER CAN TELL.
THIS IS AN IMPOSTOR.
SOMEBODY'S TRYING
TO SELL YOU A WOLF TICKET.
SOMEBODY WHO FORGOT TO WASH
INCRIMINATING EGG DYE
OFF HER HANDS.
THE SAME SOMEBODIES
WHO WOULD MAKE UP
AN EGG-ON-THE-DOORSTEP STORY
BECAUSE THEY'RE FEELING
A LITTLE GUILTY.
DENISE, JALEESA,
I'M SURPRISED AT YOU.
YOU JUST DON'T UNDERSTAND.
YOU CAN'T FOOL
A PARENT.
WE WERE ONLY
TRYING TO HELP.
YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND.
WHEN I STARTED THIS EXPERIMENT,
I DIDN'T CARE ABOUT DOREEN.
SHE WAS JUST ANOTHER EGG.
BUT THEN, SOMETHING HAPPENED.
SHE BECAME A PART OF ME,
LIKE MY HIGHTOPS.
I GUESS WE
MADE A MISTAKE.
TO ERR IS HUMAN, BUT
YOU GUYS REALLY MESSED UP.
WHAT KIND OF WORLD IS THIS...
( slam )
...WHERE AN EGG DISAPPEARS?
SORRY ABOUT THE DOOR.
I THINK WE NEED TO TALK.
ABOUT MY DOOR SLAMMING?
NO, ABOUT THIS EGG BUSINESS.
I KNOW LOSING THIS EGG
IS UPSETTING TO YOU.
JALEESA AND DENISE TRIED
TO SLIP ME A FAKE ARTIE
AS IF I WOULDN'T
KNOW THE DIFFERENCE.
IF SOMEONE SLIPPED YOU
A FAKE J.T., HOW WOULD YOU FEEL?
J.T. IS MY FLESH AND BLOOD.
ARTIE IS JUST AN EGG.
I KNOW, BUT HE WAS
MY RESPONSIBILITY
AND I REALLY BLEW IT.
MAGGIE, I LOST J.T.
AT A DEPARTMENT STORE,
IN THE FABRIC SECTION.
IT WAS THE LONGEST
TWO HOURS OF MY LIFE.
BUT YOU FOUND HIM.
NOT ME, A SECURITY GUARD
FOUND HIM
FAST ASLEEP IN THE FAKE FURS.
REALLY?
MOTHERS MAKE LOTS OF MISTAKES.
MOTHERHOOD IS NOT A COURSE
YOU CAN GET AN "A" IN.
BUT I FAILED.
COME WITH ME.
I NEED TO CHECK J.T.
HE'S PROBABLY KICKED
HIS COVERS OFF BY NOW.
I THINK HE DOES THE DECATHLON
IN HIS SLEEP.
IT'S NOT FAIR.
HE'S HELL ON WHEELS ALL DAY.
WHEN I SEE HIM LIKE THIS,
I JUST MELT.
THIS ROOM WAS CLEAN AN HOUR AGO.
PUT THIS IN HIS GLOVE.
( gasp )
IT'S ARTIE!
I CAN'T BELIEVE IT.
HOW DID J.T.
WIND UP WITH HIM?
HIS FATHER GAVE
HIM THAT GLOVE.
I GUESS J.T. REALLY WANTED
TO TAKE CARE OF HIM.
AND HE DID
NAME HIM ARTIE.
YOU KNOW, J.T.
IS AN ONLY CHILD.
I'LL JUST TELL J.T.
ARTIE HAD TO GO HOME.
NO, I GUESS IT WILL BE OKAY IF
HE SLEEPS AT A FRIEND'S HOUSE.
I'LL PICK YOU UP
IN THE MORNING.
I'LL TAKE DOWN
THE POSTERS.
THERE IS SO MUCH TO KNOW
ABOUT BEING A MOTHER.
I DON'T KNOW HOW I'LL
EVER LEARN IT IN TIME.
DON'T WORRY.
NO ONE EVER DOES.
THANK YOU.
WE ACCEPTED
OVER AN HOUR AGO.
I FEEL SO BAD.
YOU GUYS DID SOMETHING NICE
AND I NEARLY
TOOK YOUR HEADS OFF.
IF YOU CAN'T BEHEAD
YOUR ROOMMATES
WHO CAN YOU BEHEAD?
ALL OF THIS MADE ME
THINK ABOUT MY MOM.
I THOUGHT SHE
KNEW EVERYTHING.
WHEN SHE HAD ME, SHE WAS
A YEAR YOUNGER THAN YOU.
SCARY--
YOU COULD BE MY MOM.
OH, THAT IS SCARY.
YOU KNOW WHAT I
GET A KICK OUT OF?
DWAYNE.
OVERNIGHT HE WENT FROM
MACHO MAN TO MR. MOM.
STOP APOLOGIZING.
HE WANTED ME TO BE
SURE TO TELL YOU
WHAT A GREAT FATHER
HE'D MAKE.
TELL HIM I ALREADY
HAVE A FATHER.
YEAH.
Captioning made possible by
WRIGLEY'S SPEARMINT CHEWING GUM
and NBC.
Captioned by
The Caption Center
WGBH Educational Foundation