A Different World (1987–1993): Season 1, Episode 17 - Mr. Hillman - full transcript

£ I KNOW MY PARENTS LOVE ME £

£ STAND BEHIND ME
COME WHAT MAY £

£ I KNOW NOW THAT I'M READY £

£ BECAUSE I FINALLY
HEARD THEM SAY £

£ IT'S A DIFFERENT WORLD £

£ FROM WHERE YOU COME FROM £

£ HERE'S A CHANCE TO MAKE IT £

£ IF WE FOCUS ON OUR GOAL £

£ IF YOU DISH IT,
WE CAN TAKE IT £

£ JUST REMEMBER
YOU'VE BEEN TOLD £

£ IT'S A DIFFERENT WORLD £



£ FROM WHERE YOU COME FROM £

£ IT'S A DIFFERENT WORLD £

£ FROM WHERE YOU COME FROM £

MILLIE, CAN YOU BELIEVE

FOUR SNAKES DIED
TO MAKE THIS WALLET

AND THERE'S NO ROOM
FOR A BLOOMIE'S CHARGE?

THERE MUST BE SOMETHING HERE

YOUR MOTHER WOULD LIKE
FOR HER BIRTHDAY.

ALL THIS STUFF IS SO BEAUTIFUL.

NO, NO, NO.

THAT WILL NEVER DO.

WE HAVE TO CHOOSE BETWEEN
THE PORTABLE WATER-PIK

OR THE LOUIS VUITTON
CAT CARRIER.

THE WATER-PIK.



OKAY, THAT SETTLES IT.

THE CAT CARRIER.

I'M SURE SHE'LL LOVE IT.

HER HAIRDRESSER LOVED
THE CRYSTAL BUD VASE

I SENT MAMA FOR MOTHER'S DAY.

SHE GAVE AWAY
YOUR MOTHER'S DAY PRESENT?

SHE GIVES AWAY ALL MY PRESENTS.

THE ONLY TIME I EVER
MADE HER HAPPY

WAS WHEN I WAS CROWNED
"MISS MAGNOLIA."

I'M SURE SHE WAS
VERY PROUD.

SHE DIDN'T SAY,
BUT I KNOW SHE WAS.

SHE KEPT CALLING ME
HER BABY ALL DAY.

YOU KNOW WHAT'S COMING UP?

THE MISS HILLMAN COMPETITION!

I SEE SOMEONE PUT ON
HER THINKING CAP THIS MORNING.

YOU COULD BE MISS GILBERT.

I AM MISS GILBERT.

BUT I PLAN TO BE
MISS HILLMAN.

TAKE THESE THINGS
BACK TO THE STORE

AND KEEP SOMETHING
FOR YOURSELF.

OH, THANK YOU.

THANK YOU.

HERE'S A CUTE LITTLE
KEY CHAIN FOR YOU.

OH, HI.

LETTIE, THERE'S
A DORM MEETING TONIGHT.

GILBERT HAS TO NOMINATE
A CANDIDATE FOR MISS HILLMAN.

I THOUGHT THAT WENT OUT
WITH PANTY GIRDLES.

YOU NEVER RAN FOR
MISS HILLMAN, DID YOU?

NO.

BUT FOR A FEW HOURS

I WAS QUEEN OF
A SMALL BALKAN COUNTRY.

YOU'RE KIDDING.

MAYBE.

"MISS HILLMAN"!

IS IT THAT TIME
OF YEAR ALREADY?

WHITLEY,
WE WERE JUST...

MY, HOW TIME FLIES!

MY MOTHER WAS
MISS HILLMAN

AND MY FATHER'S MOTHER
AND MY AUNT FRANCINE

AND COUSIN ALICIA.

UNFORTUNATELY, MY DEAR,
THE TITLE IS NOT HEREDITARY.

PERHAPS THE TITLE
ISN'T INHERITED

BUT THE QUALITIES THAT GO
TOWARDS ACHIEVING IT ARE.

THAT'S TRUE.

SHE COMES FROM A LONG LINE
OF EGOMANIACS.

JALEESA, YOU'RE A FINE ONE
TO TALK ABOUT PEDIGREE.

APPARENTLY, "MISS CONGENIALITY"
ISN'T ON THE PREMISES.

WELL, THE ELECTION'S TONIGHT,
AND THE PEOPLE WILL DECIDE.

I'M ALL FOR
DEMOCRACY.

GENERALISSIMO FRANCO ONCE SAID
THE SAME THING TO ME.

SHE KNOWS
EVERYBODY.

DO YOU REALLY WANT WHITLEY
REPRESENTING US?

"THE MOUTH OF THE SOUTH."

WELL, SHE'S NOT REALLY
A BAD PERSON.

BUT ON THE OTHER HAND,
SHE'S NOT GOOD.

DENISE, WHY DON'T YOU RUN?

FORGET IT!

THE MISS HILLMAN CONTEST

IS SEXIST, DEGRADING
AND SUPERFICIAL.

BUT IF YOU WIN,
THEY PAY FOR YOUR BOOKS.

YOU GET A $500 CREDIT
AT THE BOOKSTORE.

THAT WOULD SAVE YOU
LIBRARY FINES.

WHY DON'T YOU RUN?

ME?

YEAH.

( mimicking Whitley )
OH, WHY, I'D LOVE TO!

DENISE, DON'T BE SILLY.

JALEESA CAN'T GET UP THERE
AND ACT LIKE AN IDIOT.

UH, NO, I DIDN'T MEAN THAT.

JALEESA'S MUCH TOO OLD
TO BE IN THIS.

THANK YOU VERY MUCH.

NO, I MEANT YOU'RE TOO MATURE.

MAGGIE, GIVE IT UP.

THAT'S MY POINT.

WHY COULDN'T SOMEONE
LIKE JALEESA RUN AND WIN?

GET REAL.

I HAVE AS MUCH CHANCE
OF WINNING AS... DWAYNE.

THAT'S NOT A BAD IDEA.

YEAH.

WHAT?

WHY SHOULDN'T DWAYNE RUN?

BECAUSE IT'S MISSHILLMAN,
NOT MISTER HILLMAN.

DWAYNE HAS AS MUCH RIGHT
TO THOSE FREE BOOKS

AS ANY WOMAN.

BUT HE'S A GUY.

NOBODY'S PERFECT.

I'M GOING TO GO TALK TO HIM
RIGHT NOW.

FINE.

HI, GUYS.

OOH.

MY HOROSCOPE
PREDICTED THIS.

IT SAID, "THE WOMAN YOU
ARE DESTINED TO MARRY

WILL COME TO YOUR TABLE
AND EAT A FRENCH FRY."

DWAYNE, HOW WOULD YOU LIKE
TO DO SOMETHING WONDERFUL

FOR EVERY WOMAN ON CAMPUS?

CERTAINLY, IF I CAN
START WITH YOU.

THIS IS IMPORTANT.

WE WANT YOU TO BE
GILBERT'S CANDIDATE
FOR MISS HILLMAN.

( laughing hysterically )

MISS HILLMAN!

YOU CRACK US UP!

YOU BELIEVE IN EQUALITY, RIGHT?

RIGHT.

HE DOES?

THEN A MAN HAS A RIGHT
TO BE MISS HILLMAN.

NOT THIS MAN.

EVERY WOMAN ON CAMPUS
WOULD BE GRATEFUL TO YOU.

HOW GRATEFUL?

I KNOW I'D BE VERY GRATEFUL.

WHAT IS IT YOU
WANT ME TO DO?

BUY SOME MASCARA!

( cackling )

JUST SHOW UP AT
THE DORM MEETING

AT 8:00 TONIGHT.

YOU WON'T
REGRET IT.

NOT ONLY MY MOTHER,
BUT MY FATHER'S MOTHER

AUNT FRANCINE
AND COUSIN ALICIA

WERE ALL MISS HILLMAN.

WHAT'S YOUR POINT?

THE POINT IS,
THEY'RE ALL WOMEN.

DWAYNE WAYNE,
IF YOU'VE NOTICED, IS NOT.

SO?

"SO"?

MM-HMM.

FIRST, THEY TORE DOWN THE
LILLIAN TURNER MEMORIAL GAZEBO.

THEN THEY MADE
A PARKING LOT OUT OF

THE ELIZABETH BRAITHWAITE
ROSE GARDEN.

NOW THEY'RE TURNING
THE MISS HILLMAN CONTEST

INTO A TRAVESTY!

WHAT NEXT-- ARMAGEDDON?!

I SIMPLY WONDER WHY
THIS IS SO IMPORTANT TO YOU.

IS IT BECAUSE YOUR MOTHER
WAS MISS HILLMAN?

AND MY FATHER'S MOTHER,
AUNT FRANCINE AND COUSIN ALICIA.

THE POINT IS BECOMING MISS
HILLMAN MIGHT BE AN ACHIEVEMENT

BUT IT WON'T
CHANGE ANYTHING.

I KNEW YOUR
AUNT FRANCINE.

SHE WAS A CHUCKLEHEAD
BEFORE SHE WON

AND A CHUCKLEHEAD
AFTERWARDS.

WELL, MAYBE SO

BUT SHE DID LOOK LOVELY
IN THAT CROWN.

I HAVE ONLY
ONE THING TO SAY:

MAY THE BEST WOMAN WIN.

( cooing )

AND YOU'RE ALL INVITED
TO MY ROOM AFTER NOMINATIONS

FOR A VICTORY PRALINE
AND GABFEST.

SORRY, DWAYNE, LADIES ONLY.

ANY OTHER NOMINATIONS?

YES, I'D LIKE
TO NOMINATE SOMEONE

WHO BRINGS
SOMETHING

TO THIS CONTEST

THAT NO OTHER
CANDIDATE HAS.

YOU GOT THAT RIGHT.

IT'S TIME WE TOOK THE "MISS"
OUT OF THE MISS HILLMAN CONTEST.

IT'S ALMOST THE 21st CENTURY

AND I THINK THAT THE MERELY
"PERT AND PERKY"

HAVE HAD THEIR DAY.

LET'S NOMINATE SOMEONE

WHO CAN PROVE THAT ANYONE
CAN BE MISS HILLMAN.

WOMEN OF GILBERT,
I GIVE YOU DWAYNE WAYNE.

HE LOOKS PERT TO ME.

AND PERKY, TOO.

THANK YOU.

WHEN DENISE FIRST APPROACHED ME,
I HAD MY RESERVATIONS.

BUT WHEN I REALIZED
THAT I, DWAYNE WAYNE

COULD HELP
THE CAUSE OF FEMINISM

I SAID, "I AM YOUR MAN."

I WANT TO REPEAT THAT
TO EVERY ONE OF YOU.

I AM YOUR MAN.

OH, HORSEFEATHERS!

NOW I DON'T HAVE ANY PRALINE...

BUT I'D BE HAPPY TO TAKE YOU ALL
OUT FOR HOAGIES

AFTER THE ELECTION

AND AN IN-DEPTH DISCUSSION
ON OUR BODIES, OURSELVES--

THE REVISED EDITION.

ALL RIGHT!

I OBJECT!

I GOT AN "A"
IN MY WOMEN'S STUDIES COURSE.

THIS IS ANARCHY!

WE CANNOT ALLOW
THIS ROUGH BEAST

TO SLOUCH TOWARDS HILLMAN
TO BE BORN!

EVERYBODY IN FAVOR
OF WHITLEY.

ALL THOSE FOR DWAYNE.

I GIVE YOU DWAYNE WAYNE,
THE FUTURE MR. HILLMAN!

I'M ON IT!

I DON'T BELIEVE THIS.

YOU'RE REALLY GOING TO RUN.

OF COURSE.

DENISE IS MY CAMPAIGN MANAGER.

THAT MEANS LONG
STRATEGY SESSIONS

DEEP INTO THE NIGHT.

I THINK DENISE IS USING YOU.

WELL, I HOPE YOU'RE RIGHT.

HEY, DWAYNE.

CHIP. YOU KNOW
MY MAN RON, RIGHT?

WHAT'S HAPPENING?

SOME OF THE GUYS

WERE TALKING ABOUT ASKING YOU
TO JOIN THE FRATERNITY.

REALLY?

YEAH...

AS A LITTLE SISTER.

I TOLD YOU, MAN.

POLITICS.

IS DWAYNE WAYNE HERE?

OVER HERE.

WHAT DID IT SAY?

TRUST ME, YOU DON'T
WANT TO KNOW.

OOH, WHAT LOVELY FLOWERS.

WHO SENT THEM?

AN ADMIRER.

I HAVE A FEW ADMIRERS
OF MY OWN.

KAPPA LAMBDA NU

HAS ELECTED ME THEIR CANDIDATE
FOR MISS HILLMAN.

ISN'T THAT RIGHT, CHIP?

THAT'S RIGHT...
AND KAPPAS NEVER LOSE.

THERE'S A FIRST TIME
FOR EVERYTHING.

PUT THESE
IN WATER.

I'LL HELP YOU
WITH THOSE, RONALD.

NO FRATERNIZING
WITH THE ENEMY!

MILLICENT!

OOH, DWAYNE.

MM-MM-MMM!

HI.

SWEET AS SHERBET,
FINE AS WINE

AND JUICY
AS A STEAK!

CUT ME SOME.

( snap! )

( laughing )

( wolf whistle )

HEY, BABY, WANT SOME FRIES
TO GO WITH THAT SHAKE?

THAT'S FUNNY.

I HAVE TO SAY IT...
I TOLD YOU SO.

JUST IGNORE THEM.

THEY'RE DOGGING HIM
TO HIS FACE.

I'VE BEEN DOGGED BY THE MOST
BEAUTIFUL WOMEN IN SCHOOL.

WHY SHOULD I CARE ABOUT
UGLY FRAT RATS?

NICE RACKS
AND BACKS.

CAN I GET YOUR
SEVEN DIGITS?

WHY ARE YOU
WEARING GYM SHORTS?

HEY, BABY,
YOU ARE MY DESTINY.

I GOT YOUR
DESTINY, MY MAN.

LISTEN, MAN...

DROP OUT.

NOT FOR YOU,
FOR ME.

LOOK, DWAYNE

IF YOU WANT TO BACK OUT

I THINK I SPEAK FOR EVERYONE
WHEN I SAY

GO AHEAD, GET OUT.

WHILE YOU CAN.

AS A MEMBER OF THE PRESS, I'M
SUPPOSED TO REMAIN IMPARTIAL.

BUT YOU SHOULD QUIT NOW.

WHILE YOU CAN!

HEY, BABY.

YOUR LEGS ARE TALKING TO ME

AND I LIKE WHAT
THEY'RE SAYING, HONEY!

DENISE, DID SHE MEAN THAT
AS A COMPLIMENT?

UH... MAYBE.

FUNNY, IT DIDN'T FEEL
LIKE A COMPLIMENT.

DWAYNE, I'VE BEEN
LOOKING FOR YOU.

IF I HAD BEEN IN THE GYM
IT NEVER WOULD HAVE HAPPENED.

WHAT HAPPENED?

NOTHING...

I FOUND YOUR CLOTHES.

LET'S GO AND GET THEM.

OH, NO, THEY
TOOK YOUR CLOTHES?

A BIT LOUDER, MAN, LOUDER.

( cat calls )

DID YOU HEAR
THE WAY THEY HOWLED?

ANIMALS.

DIDN'T YOU EVER
HOWL AT WOMEN?

YEAH, BUT WOMEN LIKE THAT.

I DON'T.

IT'S NOT GOING
TO GET BETTER, BROTHER.

COACH, I EXPECTED WHISTLES,
BUT BARKING?

I DIDN'T KNOW WHAT TO SAY
TO THESE WOMEN.

OH, GOD, I THINK
I'M LOSING MY RAP.

WHOA, THAT'S SERIOUS.

DID I EVER TELL YOU
ABOUT ARNIE BAYLOR?

ARNIE AND I PLAYED
COLLEGE FOOTBALL TOGETHER.

IN REALITY, I PLAYED
AND ARNIE WATCHED.

HE WOULD SUIT UP FOR EVERY GAME

COME FLYING OUT THE LOCKER ROOM
TO RIDE THE PINE.

HE SAT THE BENCH
HIS FRESHMAN YEAR

SOPHOMORE YEAR, JUNIOR YEAR,
SENIOR YEAR.

LAST GAME OF THE SEASON,
THREE MINUTES LEFT--

I DO NOT KNOW WHY--

COACH LOOKS AT THE BENCH,
"BAYLOR, GET IN THERE."

I KNOW WHAT
YOU'RE TRYING TO SAY.

YOU'RE SAYING
HANG IN THERE, RIGHT?

WRONG.

I'M TELLING YOU TO GET OUT.

BUT WHAT ABOUT BAYLOR?

HE WAS WIDE OPEN
IN THE END ZONE.

THE BALL WENT RIGHT
INTO HIS HANDS

AND BOUNCED OFF HIS FACE.

WE LOST THE GAME.

ARNIE LOST HIS GIRLFRIEND.

NOW HE'S WALKING THE STREETS,
A SHELL OF A MAN.

THAT'S INSPIRING, COACH.

COULD YOU HAND ME MY JACKET?

YES.

UH, JUST TAKE THIS
TO THE CLEANERS.

GET THAT CHLORINE
SMELL RIGHT OUT.

THANKS.

DID I EVER TELL YOU WHEN
I WAS WITH JACQUES COUSTEAU

WE WAS HUNTING
FOR SHARKS..?

AND IN CONCLUSION

WHEN YOU CAST YOUR BALLOT

JUST REMEMBER,
"WHITLEY... BECAUSE."

WHITLEY GILBERT.

NOT ONLY BEAUTIFUL,
BUT SHE TALKS, TOO.

AND LAST, AS WELL AS LEAST,
DWAYNE WAYNE.

RON, WHERE'S DWAYNE?

LOOKS LIKE THE BROTHER
FINALLY CAME TO HIS SENSES.

UH, APPARENTLY DWAYNE
IS RUNNING LATE.

NO DOUBT TRYING TO GET
HIS HAIR JUST RIGHT.

EXCUSE ME.

I'D LIKE TO SAY A FEW WORDS
ON BEHALF OF DWAYNE.

DWAYNE HAS EVERYTHING IT TAKES
TO REPRESENT THIS SCHOOL.

HE HAS A GREAT PERSONALITY.

HE HAS A WONDERFUL
SENSE OF HUMOR.

AND AS WE ALL KNOW

HE GOT A PERFECT SCORE
ON HIS MATH S.A.T.s.

BUT IT WASN'T UNTIL NOW

THAT I REALIZED HOW BRAVE
DWAYNE REALLY IS.

DURING THIS CAMPAIGN,
HE'S BEEN HIT ON.

HE'S BEEN BARKED AT.

HE WAS LOCKED OUT OF THE GYM
IN THOSE STUPID SHORTS.

OH, IT'S REAL FUNNY.

SO TO THOSE OF YOU
WHO DID THIS, CONGRATULATIONS.

REAL MATURE.

HOLD IT, DENISE.

DWAYNE, YOU'RE HERE.

AS THEY SAY
IN WOMEN'S STUDIES

IT AIN'T OVER TILL
THE FAT MAN SINGS.

WHAT'S THE MATTER,
NO BARKING?

( barking )

LET'S HEAR SOME WHISTLES NOW.

( wolf whistles )

SOME HOOTS?

( hooting )

YOU CAN DO BETTER.

I KNOW YOU CAN.

I'VE BEEN LISTENING
TO THIS ALL WEEK.

SO GET IT OUT
OF YOUR SYSTEMS.

MAYBE I DID IT.

OKAY, I DID IT A LITTLE.

I DID IT A LOT.

BUT IT NEVER WORKED.

NOW I KNOW WHY.

IT'S WEAK AND IT'S TIRED.

PEOPLE SHOULDN'T BE
INSPECTED AND GRADED

LIKE A PIECE OF MEAT.

MISS HILLMAN SHOULDN'T
BE A PORK CHOP.

DENISE ASKED ME TO RUN
TO MAKE A POINT.

SO IF YOU GET THE POINT

STOP ALL THIS SEXIST,
SENSELESS DOGGING

AND VOTE FOR ME.

MY NAME IS DWAYNE WAYNE.

"AT LAST, A REAL CHOICE."

I'LL NEVER THINK OF YOU
AS A SEX OBJECT AGAIN.

NEVER?

DAG.

CARYN LOUISE THOMPSON,
MISS HILLMAN.

I'D LIKE TO CROWN HER MYSELF.

( knocking )

IT'S AMAZING HOW MUCH DUST
GETS INTO THESE PILLOWS.

WHITLEY, I KNOW HOW
DISAPPOINTED YOU MUST BE.

DISAPPOINTED?

MM-HM.

IF DWAYNE WAYNE
HADN'T SPLIT THE VOTE

I'D BE WEARING THE CROWN
RIGHT NOW.

BUT, MY DEAR, YOU LOST
BY 300 VOTES.

299.

I DON'T THINK I'M
GOING TO BE MAMA'S BABY

WHEN SHE HEARS ABOUT THIS.

COURAGE, MY DEAR.

YOU STILL HAVE TWO YEARS LEFT
TO BECOME MISS HILLMAN.

IF YOU DON'T MAKE IT BY THEN,
THERE'S ALWAYS GRAD SCHOOL.

HOW PATHETIC TO WIN
BY PERSEVERANCE.

WELL, I'LL LEAVE YOU
TO YOUR, UH... SPRING CLEANING.

HI.

CAN I COME IN?

WHY NOT?

IT'S GRAND CENTRAL.

COME ON, WHITLEY,
YOU COULD HAVE LOST TO DWAYNE.

NO.

I LOST TO CARYN LOUISE THOMPSON.

I'M PRETTIER THAN SHE IS.

YOU'RE PRETTIER THAN SHE IS.

WHITLEY, WHO CARES
WHO'S PRETTIEST?

MY MOTHER DOES.

DENISE, I LOST BY 299 VOTES.

THAT MEANS ONLY
54 PEOPLE OUT THERE

FIND ME WORTHY
OF BEING MISS HILLMAN.

I HAVE A STRONG SUSPICION THAT
MILLIE VOTED MORE THAN ONCE.

IT'S NOT THE ONLY WAY
TO MAKE YOUR MOTHER PROUD.

YOU HAVE...
LOTS OF GOOD QUALITIES.

LIKE WHAT?

YOU WERE NICE
TO MY LITTLE SISTER ONCE.

WHAT ELSE?

YOU'RE VERY NEAT.

I ENVY THAT ABOUT YOU.

GO ON.

DID I MENTION HOW NICE YOU
WERE TO MY LITTLE SISTER?

DENISE, FRANKLY, I DON'T THINK
MY MOTHER WILL CARE

HOW NICE I WAS
TO YOUR LITTLE SISTER.

YOU CAN SPEND
THE REST OF YOUR LIFE

TRYING TO PLEASE YOUR MOTHER.

BUT THE REST OF YOUR LIFE
IS WHAT IT WOULD TAKE.

I'LL SEE YOU LATER.

HELLO, MOTHER.

I'M FINE.

HOW ARE YOU?

I'VE GOT SOME NEWS FOR YOU.

NO, NO.

I'VE GOT SOMETHING TO SAY AND
I DON'T WANT YOU TO INTERRUPT.

FOR 19 YEARS, I'VE BEEN
LIVING MY LIFE TO PLEASE YOU.

YES, I HAVE.

AND NO MATTER WHAT I DO,
IT'S NEVER ENOUGH.

SO FROM NOW ON,
I'M GOING TO LIVE FOR ME.

AT LEAST THAT WAY, ONE OF US
HAS A CHANCE TO BE HAPPY.

AND BY THE WAY, MAMA

YOUR BABY LOST
THE MISS HILLMAN CONTEST.

AND SHE DOESN'T GIVE
A FLYING... FIG!

HELLO, MOTHER?

Captioning made possible by
WRIGLEY'S SPEARMINT CHEWING GUM
and NBC.

Captioned by
The Caption Center
WGBH Educational Foundation