A.N.T. Farm (2011–2014): Season 1, Episode 20 - Some EnchANTed Evening - full transcript

Whose birthday is it?

Everyone's!

We celebrate them
all on Birthday Day

so we don't have to have
25 parties and 25 cakes.

Yeah. It's part of Principal
Skidmore's "War on Fun."

For the record, I am against anything
that reduces cake consumption.

It's un-American.

Okay! Time to exchange gifts!

Oh, right, gifts.

Let me just go get them.

This is for you.



This is for you.

Oh!

This is for you.

And for you, Olive, I got...

A "Caution: Wet Floor" sign!

It's in English and Spanish!

I love this so much!

Whoa!

School should really
get one of these.

♪ Ooh, ooh Doo, doo

♪ Ooh, ooh Doo, doo

Whoo!

♪ Everybody's got that thing

♪ Something different
we all bring



♪ Don't you let 'em
clip your wings

♪ You got it You got it

♪ We're on fire and we blaze

♪ In extraordinary ways

♪ 365 days

♪ We got it We got it

♪ You can dream it

♪ You can be it

♪ If you can feel it

♪ You can believe it

♪ 'Cause I am, you are, we are

♪ Exceptional Exceptional

♪ Yeah, I am, you are, we are

♪ Exceptional Exceptional

Whoo!

Hope you didn't get anything
this nice for Fletcher.

You wouldn't want to lead him on

since he's totally
in love with you.

What?

Olive, Fletcher is
not in love with me.

And I'm giving him this glove
I got from the dumpster.

I mean, the mall.

Well, just in case,
casually mention to him

that you have a boyfriend.

That way you let him down easy.

But, Olive, I don't
have a boyfriend.

And even if I did,
casually mention that?

Like this. "Hey, Fletcher.

"Do you know what
the specials are

"in the 'I have a
boyfriend' cafeteria?"

Hey, Chyna. Happy Birthday Day.

A remote control plane!

Cool! Thank you so much.

Yeah. Let me show
you how it works.

Okay.

Ooh, a plane.

He must love me.

I have a boyfriend.

And do you know what
the specials are

in the 'I have a
boyfriend' cafeteria?

Because I have a boyfriend, and
my boyfriend wants to know.

Boyfriend.

Wow, I'm so embarrassed.

I gave you the wrong gift.

This one's for my girlfriend.

You have a girlfriend?

Oh, yeah, and that
message was for her.

You see, I got you
a plane that says,

"Hey look! I got you a plane,

"just like the one I
got my girlfriend."

Girlfriend.

I've got terrible news.

Coach Mandy quit.

Breathing.

What?

She always told
us never to quit.

What a hypocrite.

What now?

The Pom Pom Cheerlympics
are on Friday.

Who's going to be our coach?

Hey, guys! I'm going
to be your new coach!

So, who's ready to
make some noise?

Gibson?

What could you possibly
know about cheerleading?

It so happens

I was cheerleading captain
when I went to Webster,

until the incident.

I had led my squad
to the finals.

I was hoisting Samantha
Herkheimer into the air,

when a ladybug landed on me.

For most, it's a sign of luck.

For me, it triggered
a horrific memory.

I was riding the bike I got
for my tenth birthday,

when a ladybug landed
on my hair helmet.

It was a traumatic experience,

not just for me.

It reminded the ladybug
of a horrific incident

it had witnessed
just days earlier.

It watched its own mother being
eaten by a praying mantis.

Mommy! Mommy! No!

Mommy! I'll always love you!

Does this story have a point?

Yes. The point is,
as you can see,

I'm perfectly qualified
to coach cheerleading.

I shouldn't have lied
about having a boyfriend.

I mean, what if Fletcher
wants to meet him?

He does.

That's why I set up a double date
for you guys on Friday night.

Why would you do that?

Because I couldn't get a
reservation on Saturday.

Anyway, it'll be fun!

Olive, I don't actually
have a boyfriend.

Oh.

Then it probably
won't be that fun.

A double date?

Dude, you don't
have a girlfriend.

I know!

I mean, I don't know
why I said yes!

It's Olive. She got all in my
head and twisted my brain around.

She's like an evil sorceress.

Yeah. It's hot, isn't it?

What am I going to do?

How am I going to find a
girlfriend by Friday?

I've been trying nonstop
for 11 years and nothing!

Hey, if I could bottle
my lady magic I would.

But you can basically
get the same effect

by rubbing a hamburger
on yourself.

Okay, ladies. We have a big
competition Friday night.

Let's see what you got.

And five, six, seven...

Stop! I've seen enough!

We have a lot of work to do.

Let's start with the basics.

What is cheerleading all about?

Being popular and making
everyone else at school

feel bad about themselves.

No, that's only part of it.

A lot of people don't know,

"cheerleading" is
actually an acronym.

The "C" stands for,
well, cheerleading.

The "H" stands for heart.

The "E"...

Oh, man, I forgot
what "E" stands for!

Eggs? Emphysema?

Earwax?

What about "E" for effort?

No. That makes no sense.

What about "E" for fun?

Ooh, how about energy?

Let's go with energy.

Okay, next.

Oh, man! Not another "E!"

I don't know, Chyna.

Holding auditions to
find a fake boyfriend?

I can get any guy
with just my eyes.

Look, don't worry.
I can feel it.

The perfect boy is about
to walk through that door.

Next!

Hi. My name is Jared and I'll be
reading for the part of the boyfriend.

By the way, I really enjoyed your
play, "My Dinner With Chyna."

Powerful stuff.

Well, thank you.
I'll read with you.

Knock knock. Hi. I'm
here to pick up Chyna.

Nice to meet you. I am Chyna.

Wow. You are the most
beautiful, pretty, lovely,

gorgeous, well put together,
attractive, charming, vivacious, cute,

mesmerizing girl I have
ever laid eyes on.

He's perfect.

If you want to go with
the obvious choice.

I like this guy.

He's got animal magnetism.

All right. Getting a girlfriend
is all a numbers game.

If you ask enough girls out,

one of them will
eventually say yes.

But, before you do.

Okay, okay, okay.

Hey. Are you free Friday night?

Either of you free Friday night?

Hey, are you free Friday night?

Please don't hit me.

Actually, I am.

You need a babysitter?

Um. Yes. Yes I do.

I'll have my mom call you
as soon as you turn around.

Hello?

Hello, this is Mrs. Quimby calling
about my little boy, Fletchie.

Wow! Great reception!

You sound like you're in
the same room with me.

The "L" stands for leadership.
And...

Seriously, another "E"?

Any questions?

Do baby teeth ever come back

or does the tooth fairy
keep them forever?

I have a question.

Are we ever going to do
any actual cheerleading?

Yes.

Thk goodness.

You do get your baby teeth back.

Okay. Now, we're going
to make a pyramid.

Okay, there are 6,000 more of
these out in the parking lot.

Go team!

Whoo!

Hey, Olive!

I want your opinion about what
outfit I should wear tomorrow night.

What do you think of this?

Too flouncy.

How about this one?

Too formal.

Well, how about this one?

Oh, and for modesty's sake,

I really hope you like it.

I do, but it's missing
a key accessory

that would tie it all together.

Oh, you mean, like a purse?

No, I mean, like a unicycle.

What?

Fletcher has been asking a lot of
questions about your boyfriend,

so I told him you met
while riding a unicycle.

Why would you say that?

Because, in order to make
a lie more believable,

you have to have
specific details.

So, in case it comes up,

you both met on a plane in
2008 and exchanged numbers.

But you absentmindedly used
it to spit out your gum,

so you lost touch, until
you ran into each other

at the Sydney Opera House's
production of Verdi's La Traviata.

Then you lost touch
again, until last year,

when you all went on your annual
family unicycling trip in.

Venkatanarasimharajuvaripeta,
India.

Olive, I'm never going to be
able to remember all that.

You have to come with me.

What? No, I don't have
anyone to go with.

Looks like you need
some arm candy.

Ooh, look! Arm candy!

Okay, girls, a next lesson.

Projecting your voice.

It's a skill my father taught
me at a very young age.

Ooh, was he a cheerleader?

No, he just had road rage.

Here's how the drill works.

What's the matter with you?

Where'd you get your license?
A cereal box?

Okay, now your turn.

So, everyone, go to the parking
lot and get a car door.

No. We're not doing it.

What? I can't hear you. Hold on.

Okay. Go.

We're not doing any more
of your dumb drills.

You're out.

Wait!

I smell mutiny!

And not just because I'm wearing
a cologne called "Mutiny."

I think you'll change your mind

once you see my choreography.

Watch this.

Sorry, but we voted.

Seven votes to get rid of you,

zero votes to keep you,

and one vote for Clay Aiken.

Fine. I'll go.

You won't have Gibson
to kick around anymore.

So I'll leave you this dummy
of me to kick around instead.

Here, I'll get you started.

Hey, Fletcher.
Where's your mommy?

Did she leave you
here all by yourself?

Oh, no, she saw you coming in.

Bye, Mommy! Love you!

I miss my mommy. Could
you hold my hand?

Of course, Fletchie.

Would a hug help?

It's worth a shot.

Where is Jared?

I specifically told him his
character was punctual.

Wait, Pi is a math
themed restaurant?

No, it's the math
themed restaurant.

It is way better than Long
Division John Silver's.

Hey, guys! This is Ella.

Isn't she sweet?

So, Chyna, where's
your boyfriend?

Good evening, friends,
Romans, countrymen!

'Sup.

Whoo! Go Wolves!

The ladybug mishap also
affected my ability to

clap at a normal pace.

Gibson, you're too late.

We performed without you
and we were awesome.

Oh, I'm not here for you.

Webster Wolves, meet
the Gibsonettes.

Lexi, this is Susan.
Susan, this is Paisley.

Paisley, this is Becky.
Becky, did you meet Lexi?

You know what? We'll
do names after.

They're really good.

Shut up, Paisley!

You really have to work on
your bad sportsmanship.

Ladybug!

Awesome! Now we're
going to win for sure!

Huh.

In the movies, the ragtag
team of misfits usually wins,

not the team headed by the
evil blonde cheerleader.

I'll get this one.

Shut up, Paisley!

Open your mouth.

Here comes the spoon
with your food on it.

I don't like to
talk down to kids.

They know it's not a train,
I know it's not a train.

Why is she feeding you?

Oh. Ella loves to
take care of me.

But enough about our
rock solid relationship.

Let's talk about you.

So, Jared, besides
unicycling and dueling,

do you do anything interesting?

We mostly like to spend
quiet time together.

That is, when he's
not breeding llamas.

Right.

He doesn't like to
talk about that.

I love llamas.

Cradling a baby
llama in my hands.

There's nothing more
life affirming.

They're so gentle.

Actually, llamas can
be quite vicious

and prone to spitting and
sounding their distinctive alarm.

Why do you always undermine me?

Ever since Chyna and I started
dating, you felt threatened!

Threatened I was stealing
your best friend!

And I know it was you who cut
the brakes on my unicycle!

Aw!

He's so possessive, and dramatic,
and slightly unstable.

But that's what I
love about him!

Mommy usually rubs my
back after dinner.

Can you do that?

Aw! You have a
little gas bubble?

No, I don't have a...

Huh. I guess I did.

She's so attentive.

Well, that's what
I get paid for.

Tell your mommies,

because references are
everything in my line of work.

Work?

Right, because...

Because relationships
are a lot of work.

Tell me about it.

Olive can be a handful,

but she's worth the effort.

More bread?

Hey, don't I know you?

Oh, yeah.

Two years ago, New Year's Eve.

Wait a minute. You
guys used to date?

What? No, I babysat for him.

Now I babysit Fletcher.

Small world, huh?

She's your babysitter?

No. Wow, are you jealous!

To make up a story like that

and implant it in
her head somehow.

What is going on here?

I'll tell you what's going on!

Someone at this table

is a murderer!

You hired her to pretend
to be your girlfriend?

Fine, the truth is,

I pretended I had a girlfriend

because this thing
between you and me...

You're just coming
on too strong.

I was trying to
send you a message.

What? I have a boyfriend!

A real one!

Sorry, Chyna,

you're going to have to cast someone
else to play your boyfriend.

I just booked a zit
cream commercial!

I better start
preparing for my role.

So, what was I saying?

I like that cologne
you're wearing,

but this is what I usually use.

Lexi, this is Susan.
Susan, this is Paisley.

Paisley, this is Becky.
Becky, this is Gabby.

Gabby, this is Cindy.
Cindy, this is Debbie.

Debbie, this is Emma.
Emma, this is Amy.

Amy, this is Katie.
Katie, this is Zoe.

Zoe, this is Julie.
Julie, this is Kerry.

Kerry, this is Michelle.
Michelle, this is Lexi.

Lexi, this is Amber.
Amber, this is Paisley.

Nice to meet you, Paisley.

No, you're Paisley. This is...

I'll just start again.

Lexi, this is Susan.
Susan, this is Paisley.

Paisley, have you met Becky?

Becky, have you met Cindy?

Cindy, have you met Debbie?

Debbie, have you met Emma?
Emma have you met...