A.N.T. Farm (2011–2014): Season 1, Episode 1 - TransplANTed - full transcript

Oh my gosh.

Dad! Look at this place!

Lockers instead of cubbies.

Drivers Ed instead
of Kiddie Vice.

Him instead of...

What was I talking about?

Dad! Did she has to
go to my high school?

I mean seriously
she's only eleven.

It's not Chyna's fault
that she's gifted.

Any more than it's your
fault that you're not.

Ah... great. Another ant.



Hey what's with
the name calling?

No. It's OK, dad.

I'm an ant because I'm in the advanced
natural talents or A.N.T programs.

Yeah. I wasn't
talking about you.

Someone knocked over the little
ant farm again this morning.

These little creepers
are everywhere!

Ugh!

Ahhh! Get it off!

I mean, get it off. Get it off.

Anyway, you must be Chyna.

Welcome to the Ant Farm!

I love doing that.

Um, are you my teacher?

No, teachers need a degree.



I'm Gibson.

Your tutor, guidance
counselor and therapist,

all rolled up in one.

I also give out licorice.

Uh, no, thanks.

I had hair-covered
licorice for breakfast.

Not so fast, bumblebee. A-ha!

Sorry I'm late.

Security hassled me
about my battle ax.

Mom!

Whoa! Your mom's a warrior princess?
Awesome!

No, no, she's a children's
birthday party entertainer.

More awesome!

Hey, keep January 27th open.

Oh, you have kids?

Nope!

Just like you with music,

each student in the ANT
Program has a unique gift.

Benny is a robotics expert.

Greetings.

Angus here is a computer genius.

Ooh, that looks cool!
Can I play?

Missile launch initiated.

Am I winning the game?

Sure, 'cause it's a game.
Five, four, three, two...

Just a game.

Missile launch aborted.

And then there's
Svetlana, our gymnast.

Hey, where is Svetlana?

Hello!

You need to stop doing that!

Nyet! Nyet!

Don't say "no" to me.

Oh!

You know, she might have
been saying, "Net, net."

Oh.

Uh, sir?

I don't mean to alarm
you or anything,

but this kid has a dead body.

It's wax.

Some people make friends.

Fletcher here has to
literally make friends.

I'm an artist.

As a project, I'm sculpting
the entire class in beeswax.

Well, they're beautiful.

You're beautiful.

I mean, your music is beautiful.

But you've never heard me play.

Yeah, I know, but, you see, I...

Hmm, wherever could he be?

Hi. I'm Chyna.

Chyna. Named for one of Earth's
oldest continuous civilizations,

whose dynasties include the Shang,
Tang, Xin, Ming and San Huang Di Wu.

So, your gift is

talking?

I'm Olive. I have
an eidetic memory,

so everything I've ever
heard, seen or read

is permanently etched
into my brain.

Wow! That's cool.

It's a blessing and a curse.

So, Chyna, did they give
you your new AntPad yet?

Oh! Yup. This thing is so cool!

Check out all these apps.

Calendar app, GPS app.

Nap app?

Oh, no, no, don't...

Oh, no! Homeroom's almost over!

Wait. Hey, guys,
what's going on?

Run! Run!

Whoa!

Whoa, whoa, whoa! Wait!
What's the rush?

Second period doesn't
start till 10:00.

It's not about when
next period starts.

It's about when this one ends!

Run! Run!

Help! Help!

Angus! We've got to save Angus!

Forget it, man! Angus is gone!

But... He's gone!

Tell my mother I loved her!

Looks like somebody's
sitting in my chair.

Ooh, I love this story!

Get to the part where
they eat the porridge.

Hi, I'm Chyna.

Well, let's see if this
china's breakable.

Good morning, class!

I... Ooh.

Lexi's chair? Yeah.

Rookie mistake.

So, you must be my new prodigy.

Play something!

Okay.

I meant on the violin.

Oh. Right. See, I knew that.

That was incredible! Thanks.

Now, class, this semester, I
will be putting on Hairspray.

Um, don't you need
hair for that, sir?

Not the styling product.
The Broadway musical!

You can sign up for cast,
crew or orchestra.

I'm going out for cast

because, obviously, I'm
the leading-man type.

I was in that play,
Les Miserables.

I played Les.

And I'm sure everyone
else was miserable.

Now, of course, my audition
is merely a formality,

since I've starred in every
musical we've ever done.

Grease.

Annie.

Fiddler on the Roof.

Wow. You grew whiskers.

They're fake.

Oh! I'm not talking about
the ones in the picture.

What are you doing?

Do not anger the big kids!

They'll kill us, make
jewelry out of our bones

and then sell them
at craft fairs!

I do not want to end
up around the neck

of a middle-aged woman
in a jean skirt!

Just relax. We're in class.
Nobody can hurt us in here.

Hey! Get me out of here!

Okay, Fletcher, just relax
your cheek muscles.

Oh, not those cheek muscles!

Oh, wait a minute.
I got an idea!

See? We made it to lunch.

Now, where's the cafeteria?

What? No, no, no, no.

We eat in the safety
of the Ant Farm.

Wait. I left my
lunch in my locker.

Emma left her lunch
in her locker.

Who's Emma? Exactly.

Look, there is a
cupcake in that lunch.

I'm going for it!

Okay, but hurry,
before the bell...

We're doomed!

No, we're not! Get in, get in!
Hurry!

Okay. Okay.

See? There are advantages to being
the smallest kids in school.

And you were right.

This cupcake was so worth it.

This is not my locker and
that's not a cupcake.

That would explain the tail.

Ooh!

Can you believe
that showoff Chyna?

I thought she was really good
on that tiny chin guitar.

So, are your rents
still on vaycay?

Yep. Party tonight. My place.
It's gonna be ridic.

Ooh! Text me the deets. Kay.

Aws. Late.

Are you crazy?

The big kids do not
want us at their party.

They hate us.

She's not wrong.

Look, guys, this
is Lexi's party.

This is our chance to show her
that we belong in this school.

All we need to do is make
ourselves look a little older.

What? You said to look older.

That is the most ridiculous
thing I have ever seen.

Hey, party people!

And suddenly you're
in second place.

So, do we look like
high schoolers or what?

Why do I smell fruit?

It's blueberry yogurt.

I wanted them to look natural

and the label said
"all natural."

Hey, Chyna.

Dad!

Hey! You didn't tell me
your dad was a mall cop.

I'm a highly decorated member of the
San Francisco Police Department.

You see this medal?
Cleanest cop car.

Dad, I thought you said you
had a meeting tonight.

Oh, yeah, the chief
had to cancel.

His car was stolen.

So, who are your friends?

Oh, uh, Dad, this is
Olive and Fletcher.

Friends are here to do homework.

Then why do they look like the
Monopoly Man and the community chest?

Yeah, because

we're studying Pygmalion
in English class,

and it's easier
if we act it out.

See, he's Professor Higgins
and she's Eliza Doolittle.

Eliza, do a little.

'Ow do ya do, guvnah? I'm just
a simple flower girl, I am.

We need to find a way
to get to that party.

Well, why can't we just
climb out the window?

Because if my dad checks on us
and I'm not here, he'll freak.

Man, I wish he'd just
mind his own beeswax.

Beeswax! That's it!

Fletcher, these
are so realistic.

But the eyes creep me out.

Well, I hate your nose.

Will these really
fool your parents?

Oh, well, my mom's
out to dinner.

And my dad, he's out to lunch.

He'll never know, especially
if we dim the lights.

Now let's go get our party on!

Hey, beautiful.

Let's go! Nothing!

Okay, we did it. We made
it to a high school party.

Good times. Great memories.
Let's go.

Whoa, whoa, whoa.

We'll be fine

as long as we don't draw
attention to ourselves.

Come on, let's go.

My yogurt's on the move.

Wow. Add a church hat
and some dentures

and you could be my
great-aunt Delores.

Okay, Olive. Hold on. Hold on.
Goodness gracious.

Okay, that's not right.

Chyna?

What are you doing
at this party?

Look, please don't tell
Dad you saw me here.

Wait a minute. What are you doing here?
I thought you were grounded.

I gave Angus five bucks to hack the
tracking device Dad put in my cell phone.

Right now I'm at church.

Oh, look, you just got
a text from Satan.

"See you soon."

Isn't it a little
late for you Ants?

Shouldn't you be in your
widdle footy pajamas by now?

I'll have you know that our
bedtime is not until 8:30!

9:00 on weekends.

Would you guys please stop saying stuff
that makes us look like little kids?

Ooh, cookies!

You must be the entertainment.

Are you a magician?

No, actually...

'Cause I think
magicians are so hot.

Pick a card.

Oh, Chyna.

Why don't you tell us
about your first kiss?

Oh, first kiss? Mmm-hmm.

You know, that takes me back.

It was at summer camp.

And his name was.

Dorian.

Banister.

What? You have never
kissed anyone.

I would have remembered that
when I read your diary.

Pages and pages of nothing!

Okay, concentrate on your card.

I want you to empty
your head of all...

Done!

What does a lady have to do to
get a juicy box around here?

I'm sorry, we ran out.

Like nine years ago.

Oh! Why don't you try this?

Red Viper Soda.

Okay.

Wow, good stuff!

Chyna? Gibson's here to see
how your first day went.

Melted kid! Melted kid!

It's wax.

Yeah, it's totally wacks that
someone would do that to a kid.

Totally wacks, yo.

Oh!

I'm getting nothing.

I think we need to establish
a physical connection.

Okay.

Is it working?

Oh, it's definitely working.

Party!

Whoa! What happened to you?

I tried this really awesome
drink called Red Viper,

and I feel great!

Except for my feet, which
I can't feel at all.

I mean, they're
still there, right?

'Cause I really can't see
them with this dress.

You drank Red Viper? Mmm-hmm.

Do you know what's in that junk?

Sure. Carbonated water, sucrose,
glucose, sodium citrate, taurine,

glucuronolactone, caffeine,

calcium pantothenate, pyridoxine,
yellow dye number 7,

red dye number 36...
Oh, and vitamin C,

so it's good for you!

Oh, no! The magician!

I hope the rabbit's okay!

Stay strong, little guy!

Hey, magician,

any chance you can
make us disappear?

I can't believe they snuck out.

Do you have any idea
where they went?

I heard Lexi Reed was
throwing a party tonight.

Where does she live?

I don't know. No one
would text me the deets.

This is highly decorated
Officer Parks.

I need a 10-20 on a Lexi Reed.

We'll also need SWAT and that
monkey that can defuse a bomb.

Actually, Officer
Chimperson is dead.

Turns out he really
couldn't defuse a bomb.

Oh.

You stupid Ants ruined my party!

You thought your lives were
miserable at school before?

Just wait until tomorrow.

"Let's go to a high school
party, it'll be fun."

Another one?

Don't you think this
one was bad enough?

We trusted you, Chyna.
And you let us down.

Thanks a lot.

Well, the stereo's dead,
and so is this party.

Wait! If you guys want music,

I can play something.

Yeah, 'cause nothing rocks the
house like a violin concerto.

Actually, I was thinking I would
sing something more like this.

♪ I throw my hands up
in the air sometimes

♪ Saying ayo Gotta let go

♪ And I wanna celebrate
and live my life

♪ Saying ayo Baby, let's go

♪ And I came to dance,
dance, dance, dance

♪ And I hit the floor 'cause that's
my plans, plans, plans, plans

♪ I'm wearing all my favorite
brands, brands, brands, brands

♪ Give me space for both my
hands, hands, hands, hands

That girl stinks.

That girl is my sister.

And I'm trying to
listen to her sing.

Your older sister?

No!

♪ 'Cause it goes
on and on and on

♪ I throw my hands up
in the air sometimes

♪ Saying ayo Gotta let go

♪ And I wanna celebrate
and live my life

♪ Saying ayo Baby, let's go

♪ We gonna rock this club

♪ We gonna go all night

♪ We gonna light it
up Like it's dynamite

♪ 'Cause I told you once

♪ Now I told you twice

♪ We gonna light it up
Like it's dynamite! ♪

I thought you played violin.

Oh, I do.

And guitar.

And piano, trumpet, saxophone,
flute, cello, harp, the bagpipes,

French horn, drums,
harmonica and the spoons.

Oh, and I also sing a little.

Yeah, a little.

You know, maybe I will try
out for the school play.

You should! You're
really talented!

Shut up, Paisley!

Sorry we, kind of,
turned on you, Chyna.

Although, looking back,

it was mostly Olive.

That was the Red Viper talking.

That stuff is bad news.

I still love you guys.

Oh, no.

It's the mall cops!

I'm a highly decorated
police officer.

If I were a mall cop,
would I have a...

Where's my badge?

Freeze, dirtbags!

Give me that!

Officer, I can explain.

Don't bother. I'm
not here for you.

I'm here for her.

There you are, Chyna!

You had me worried sick. I
left church to find you!

Home. Now.

And anybody else whose parents
don't know you're here, out!

Not you, Gibson!

This is exactly what
I was afraid of.

I knew you weren't
ready for high school.

But, Dad, I am ready.

I finally found a
place where I belong.

Right now, the only
place where you belong

is in the back of my squad car.

Let's go.

Whoa, whoa, whoa, you're
putting me in the perp cage?

Do I at least get a phone call?

Sure.

I think your mom is gonna
want to talk to you.

Yeah, I think I'll
skip the phone call.

Sir, madam, you
have a lovely home.

Why are you freaks still here?
Get out of my house!

Hey! Don't you talk
to us that way!

Yeah!

My mom is going to kill me!

Don't worry, I know
how to get that out.

I'll text you the deets.

We looked everywhere.

I guess Chyna's dad decided to
pull her out of the ANT Program.

Hey, what's all
that music stuff?

I set it up.

Chyna!

We thought your dad
pulled you out of school!

Oh, well, he wanted to,

but I plea-bargained him down
to a three-month grounding.

So, if we plan on
having any more fun,

Fletcher, I'm going to need a
lot more of those sculptures.

They're done!

I mean, they will be done.

It's not like I stayed
up all last night

making wax sculptures of you.

No, that would be weird.

You see, I...

He knows we can see him, right?

I really don't know what
he knows at this point.

Come on, let's go eat
in the cafeteria.

You're not scared
of the big kids?

Ooh! Or that lunch
lady with the hairnet

on her beard?

No. That whole thing
with the cops

gave us Ants some
serious street cred.

Hey, guys,

I just got back
from the hospital!

They gave me a pig spleen!

Run!

Oh, come on!

Not again! Not the spleen!
Not the spleen!