ALF Tales (1988–1990): Season 2, Episode 5 - Goldie Locks and the Three Bears - full transcript
In this ALF Tales episode, ALF and his friends retell the story of Goldie Locks and the Three Bears.
[ orchestral music plays ]
[ announcer speaks ]
[ arrows whizzing ]
Hi.
I'm Gordon Shumway.
And we'll be right back
with "Another Cornball
Skit to Grow On."
I'm not sure
we should
be skateboarding
today, Weasel.
Why not, Moonboots?
For one thing, we've got
no protective gear,
like helmets or kneepads.
Also, there is
so much traffic.
Oh, don't be
a total dweeb,
Moonboots.
Oh, what
peer pressure!
I guess I'll have to
just say yes!
Cool.
I know this excellent
place to skate nearby.
The on-ramp of
the San Burrito Freeway.
[ horn honking,
tires screeching ]
[ loud crashes ]
Moonboots and Weasel
learned the hard way--
at the bottom
of a 12-car pileup.
If you want to see them,
visiting hours are from
2:00 to 4:00.
Remember, don't
skateboard in traffic
and always wear
protective gear.
Or if you're a klutz,
stick to Pac-Man.
This has been
Gordon Shumway
with "Another Cornball
Skit to Grow On."
[ loud crash ]
Speaking of cornball,
you all know the one
about Goldilocks,
who just couldn't set foot
into anyone's home
without totally
trashing it?
Today's ALF Tale stars me
in a poignant
and contemporary version
of that repetitive,
overrated bedtime story--
"Goldilocks
and the Three Bears."
Nice highlights,
Lorenzo.
Once upon a time
in the affluent
beach community of Malizoo,
there lived
a happening blond dude
with dreadlocks
named "Goldilocks."
Goldilocks
and his buds,
Rick the Dude
and Skip the Other Dude,
were excellent
skateboarders.
All three:
Excellent!
[ siren blaring ]
All three:
Bogus.
Here are your
citations.
Mayor Bear has banned
skateboarding
within the Malizoo
city limits.
[ all three
complain ]
And here are your citations
for partying.
Both:
Partying?
We weren't partying.
Mayor Bear has banned partying
within the city limits.
And any gathering
of two or more teenagers
constitutes a party.
But we were on our way
to our lowly,
insignificant jobs.
That keep us out of trouble
and off the street.
A-a-and teach us the meaning
of responsibility
and responsibility
of meaning.
And here are your
citations for loitering!
And here are your citations
for littering.
That will be 10,000
smackers each
plus dinner for two
at the Velcro Turtle.
I heard somewhere that
these guys take bribes.
What if we tempted you
with a little something?
Like what?
Like a half-a-pound
of this fresh Nova Scotia
smoked salmon.
They don't call me
"Goldi-Lox" for nothing.
No dice, but if you
hand over
all of your
worldly possessions,
I suppose we could
look the other way.
Hey, dudes,
aren't you
forgetting something?
Authentic tears.
No easy feat,
crying on cue.
In another part of Malizoo
lived the Bear family.
- Mayor Bear, a mayor.
- Call me Papa.
How am I doin'?
And Mrs. Bear,
a film director.
Action!
Call me Mama.
Cut!
And Baby Bear,
a spoiled brat.
Mama, Papa,
I need a year's supply
of new toys on the double!
Mama:
No problem, Baby.
Papa:
Anything you want.
Gordon:
And let's not forget
the Bear family's
beloved canine Studs.
[ growls ]
One day, the phone rang.
Enough of the long-winded
narration.
Let the story unfold.
Oh, Mama.
That was my task force
on the second-homeless.
They want to send us
to Deer Tick Valley
on a fact-finding mission.
But we can't leave
our lavish estate
and all our
special things.
Not to mention
our beloved canine
Studs.
[ growling ]
We'll have to find
a house sitter.
You are the most trusted house
sitter in Malizoo.
We need someone
who truly cares
about our place.
I care, Bears.
You see, in addition
to the "bear" necessities,
we have many special things
in our lavish home.
Papa:
Our priceless,
one-of-a-kind,
irreplaceable
porridge sculpture
signed by Vincent
Van Porridge himself.
Mama:
Papa's custom-made,
therapeutic
La-Z-Boy recliner
fashioned out
of genuine Naugahydes
for head-to-toe comfort.
Papa:
Mama's personalized,
imported,
genuine canvas
director's chair.
Mama:
And Baby's very own
beanbag chair
molded out of genuine vinyl
for hours
of playtime pleasure.
You can trust me
with these very special
possessions.
Mama:
And this is our
beloved canine Studs.
Make sure you walk him,
feed him,
burp him, and water him
three times a day.
Rhonda: You can trust me
with this very special
family pet.
[ growls ]
And here in the bedroom,
we have our Magik Fingers
vibrating beds.
I made them
with my "bear" hands.
You can trust me
with these very special
vibrating beds.
"Bear" in mind,
whatever you do,
don't sleep in them.
[ objects shatter ]
You'll find your bed,
a smelly, stained,
rollaway mattress,
in the dog house.
And now we must
be off or we'll "bear-ly"
make our flight.
[ chuckles ]
These sick puns
are more than I can bear.
- [ rings ]
- Bear residence.
Yes, this is Rhonda,
house sitter to the stars.
Oh, hi, Liz.
Philip and I are off
on a fact-finding mission
and we wondered
if you were available
to house-sit the palace.
Well, I'm sort
of occupied.
Di will
take you shopping.
You can trust me with
your very special palace.
I'll catch
the next Concord.
I've got to find
someone to care
for the Bears' lavish home
in my absence.
[ rings ]
House-sit for the Bears?
I don't know.
You'll be my girlfriend
if I do a good job?
You got it!
Excellent!
I hope I don't live
to regret this.
[ growls ]
♪ Give me some porridge
♪ But temper it right...
- [ Studs neeping ]
- ♪ Not hot, not cold
♪ I like it just right
♪ Well, give me a chair
♪ Of moderate height
♪ Not big, not small
♪ Well, I like it
just right... ♪
- [ bones crackle ]
- ♪ Well, give me a bed
♪ An orthapedic'd
be nice ♪
♪ Not hard, not soft
♪ I like it just right
♪ Not hard, not soft...
S-s-sounds like
a hearty party.
- Excellent.
- Uh-oh.
- ♪ I like it just--
- Nobody's home!
O-o-open up.
It's your lowlife amigos.
Yo, dudes!
You're looking rad
and bad...
and cool and hot!
What happened to the teen
slang of yesteryear?
Excellent pad, dude.
C-c-cool.
- Poochie wanna play?
- [ neeping ]
Catch, Moondoggie.
No, not the priceless,
irreplaceable, one-of-a-kind
porridge sculpture!
Yow!
Yeowch!
Defective craftsmanship.
All three:
Whoa!
Sorry, dude.
You think the mayor
will notice?
Not as much
as the prop guys.
Here, Studs!
Good doggie!
Yo, Studs!
Come to Uncle Goldie!
Hey, watch the hair.
This do wasn't cheap.
Yeowch!
Bad dog.
Whoa!
Yeah!
Whoa!
Are you thinking
what I'm thinking?
I don't know.
What are you thinking?
About opening a raging
waterslide and skate park
in the backyard.
Sorry, I was thinking
about curing this acne.
Goldilocks!
Goldilocks!
Goldilocks, wake up.
We had a simultaneous
brainstorm.
I know, I know.
I read the script--
turn this place into
a happening amusement park,
charge admission,
and with the megabucks
we earn,
we could buy
top-of-the-line
skateboards.
Now all we need
is a paying public.
[ crowd chattering,
music playing ]
Goldilocks:
Check out that Studs.
He has a promising future
as a party mammal.
Hey, that's Baby Bear's
imported beanbag chair!
This is not a good omen.
[ thudding,
glass shattering ]
Rhonda's gonna kill me.
Hey, everybody,
wet bikini contest
in the pool!
Better check the bedrooms.
[ laughing ]
Surf's up!
Phew.
I need a little hiatus.
Magik Fingers,
do your thing.
[ machinery whirrs ]
Party down!
Skating!
Waterslides!
Teen fun.
Just when life was
innocent and carefree.
Let's see
your party permit.
Um, yeah.
Goldilocks has it.
He'd better.
Hmm.
These kids must be rich.
I smell a nice,
fat bribe.
[ phone rings ]
Whoa, w-what is it?
Rhonda?!
Uh, yeah.
Everything's excellent.
Uh, the priceless,
irreplaceable,
one-of-a-kind
porridge sculpture?
Oh, it's safe and sound.
Chill out, babe.
Everything's cool.
I'll catch you later.
Now, where is that
party mammal?
[ cheering, clamoring ]
I want that porridge
sculpture now.
Have it back on the mantel
in two minutes
or I'll electrify
your favorite hydrant.
[ neeps ]
Sergeant Sloop.
I didn't know you were here.
Section 12-5,
Paragraph 2.
It is against the law
not to know,
not to mention partying
and skateboarding
and littering
and loitering.
We're dead meat
if you don't bribe Sloop
to tear up those tickets.
[ girls giggling ]
Now, about that bribe--
ahem, little gift.
[ stammers ]
Well, um...
Don't give him
our half of the money
or we'll never
get our skateboards.
Okay, I'll stash the bucks
in the fridge.
Gee, uh, we don't seem
to have any money,
but you can have
anything else you want.
- Anything?
- Anything.
[ air brakes hiss ]
Sloop:
What the heck is that?
You call that art?
You can call it art.
You can call it Fred.
You can call it
whatever you want.
Okay, I'll take it.
Help, we've been robbed!
- Call the cops!
- Yeah, do that.
When you got some more
little "gifts" for me.
[ cackles ]
[ rings ]
Hello?
Rhonda?!
What?
You're coming back early?!
Eech.
Wait, I'll give you money!
Stock options!
Junk bonds!
Anything!
So the Bears' house
is a disaster zone.
The furniture's on its way
to the flea market
and Rhonda's on her way back
as I speak!
Furniture?!
You got paid off
in furniture?!
It's not lawn furniture
like the last time, boss.
This is quality stuff.
You're gonna love
the Plexiglas coffee table.
What do I know
from Plexiglas?!
I want cold, hard cash!
[ tires screech ]
Hold everything.
I want that furniture back!
Eh, what furniture, son?
I'll pay.
I hate those
"Hairy" Krishnas.
P.A:
Flight 505
from Deer Tick Valley
is arriving at gate 11
in 10 minutes.
Or is it gate 10
in 11 minutes?
Hey, don't ask me.
I'm no rocket scientist, okay?
Uh-oh!
That's the Bears' flight!
It's arriving
a day early!
I've got to make sure
their house is okay.
I know their house
is okay,
but there's
nothing in it!
How can this all be
Goldilocks' fault?
You dudes didn't have
anything to do with it?
Uh, yes.
I mean, no.
He means yes.
- [ neeps ]
- Studs is right.
Rhonda, I can
explain everything
as soon as I spend all
our hard-earned money buying
the Bears' furniture back.
Help me, Rick!
Help me, Skip!
Help me, Studs!
Help me, Rhonda!
[ chuckles ]
Forget it, turkey.
The Bears will be here
any moment now
and who
is gonna help me?!
Does this mean she won't
be my girlfriend?
Oh, Mama, it feels
so good to be home.
It sure does, Papa.
I can't wait to see
our special things
in our lavish home.
One slightly used,
genuine vinyl beanbag chair.
10 smackers!
10?!
I could buy a new one
down at the PayMart
for $7.95.
They're closed.
Take it or leave it!
Oh, all right.
Mom, if you're
watching this,
please cash in that bond
that Grandma gave me
and send it ASAP.
What about this thing?
- Junk. Toss it!
- Wait!
Oh, no!
[ gasps ]
[ sighs ]
Phew. Home run.
Oh, Papa,
there it is!
Our lavish home
with all our very
special possessions.
Darling, I have
a strange feeling.
Have an antacid
tablet, dear.
Not that.
I have a feeling
that someone
has been
doing something
in our house.
You mean...?
You hit the nail
on the head.
[ gasps ]
♪ Someone's been eating
our porridge sculpture ♪
♪ Kumbaya
♪ And someone's been sitting
in our chairs ♪
♪ Kumbaya
♪ And someone's been doing
who-knows-what ♪
♪ With my beanbag chair
♪ Kumbaya
♪ Our house
is trashed ♪
♪ Kumbaya.
Where is that house sitter
to the stars?
- Wait, Papa.
- What is it, Mama?
I feel another
verse coming on.
♪ Someone's been sleeping
in our Magik Fingers beds ♪
♪ Kumbaya
♪ And someone's been flirting
with our dog ♪
♪ Kumbaya
♪ And someone's
left 50,000 bucks
in our refrigerator ♪
♪ Kumbaya
♪ Our house is trashed
♪ Kumbaya.
$50,000.
Maybe we can learn to live
with a little imperfection
in our sculpture.
Mayor Bear, Honorable Dude,
what's happening?
Have you seen
any cash lying around?
Nothing except
this $50,000.
Wait a minute!
Are you that irresponsible,
borderline delinquent
Goldilocks?
You must be thinking of
Goldilocks Haim.
I'm Goldilocks Feldman.
Everyone always
mixes us up.
Well, tell us,
Mr. Feldman,
what are you doing
in our lavish home
amidst
our special things?
Bribing your police force
to stay out of jail.
If you're fond of your
furniture, I'll need
that wad of cash.
I'm fond of the furniture.
Give him the wad, dear.
[ plane flies overhead ]
Wait a minute!
I heard somewhere
you guys took bribes!
And now I see proof!
Lock up these crooked
officers of the law!
[ both groan ]
Now only one
question remains:
what to do
with the money?
Baby:
Papa, I want
a skateboarding park!
You know, we could
use the money
to start
a skateboarding park.
Excellent!
Or we could quit
our jobs
and become
a new beach community
folk-singing sensation--
The Mama and the Papa!
♪ Dreaming of our beds
♪ Dreaming of our chairs
♪ Dreaming of hot cereal
♪ We're the famous Bears.
- ♪ Gordon, send us...
- ♪ Oh, send us...
♪ Into outer space
♪ 'Cause there ain't
nobody like you ♪
♪ In the Melmacian race
♪ Teach us, Gordon
♪ Make us twitch.
Hah!
I kill me!
[ announcer speaks ]
[ arrows whizzing ]
Hi.
I'm Gordon Shumway.
And we'll be right back
with "Another Cornball
Skit to Grow On."
I'm not sure
we should
be skateboarding
today, Weasel.
Why not, Moonboots?
For one thing, we've got
no protective gear,
like helmets or kneepads.
Also, there is
so much traffic.
Oh, don't be
a total dweeb,
Moonboots.
Oh, what
peer pressure!
I guess I'll have to
just say yes!
Cool.
I know this excellent
place to skate nearby.
The on-ramp of
the San Burrito Freeway.
[ horn honking,
tires screeching ]
[ loud crashes ]
Moonboots and Weasel
learned the hard way--
at the bottom
of a 12-car pileup.
If you want to see them,
visiting hours are from
2:00 to 4:00.
Remember, don't
skateboard in traffic
and always wear
protective gear.
Or if you're a klutz,
stick to Pac-Man.
This has been
Gordon Shumway
with "Another Cornball
Skit to Grow On."
[ loud crash ]
Speaking of cornball,
you all know the one
about Goldilocks,
who just couldn't set foot
into anyone's home
without totally
trashing it?
Today's ALF Tale stars me
in a poignant
and contemporary version
of that repetitive,
overrated bedtime story--
"Goldilocks
and the Three Bears."
Nice highlights,
Lorenzo.
Once upon a time
in the affluent
beach community of Malizoo,
there lived
a happening blond dude
with dreadlocks
named "Goldilocks."
Goldilocks
and his buds,
Rick the Dude
and Skip the Other Dude,
were excellent
skateboarders.
All three:
Excellent!
[ siren blaring ]
All three:
Bogus.
Here are your
citations.
Mayor Bear has banned
skateboarding
within the Malizoo
city limits.
[ all three
complain ]
And here are your citations
for partying.
Both:
Partying?
We weren't partying.
Mayor Bear has banned partying
within the city limits.
And any gathering
of two or more teenagers
constitutes a party.
But we were on our way
to our lowly,
insignificant jobs.
That keep us out of trouble
and off the street.
A-a-and teach us the meaning
of responsibility
and responsibility
of meaning.
And here are your
citations for loitering!
And here are your citations
for littering.
That will be 10,000
smackers each
plus dinner for two
at the Velcro Turtle.
I heard somewhere that
these guys take bribes.
What if we tempted you
with a little something?
Like what?
Like a half-a-pound
of this fresh Nova Scotia
smoked salmon.
They don't call me
"Goldi-Lox" for nothing.
No dice, but if you
hand over
all of your
worldly possessions,
I suppose we could
look the other way.
Hey, dudes,
aren't you
forgetting something?
Authentic tears.
No easy feat,
crying on cue.
In another part of Malizoo
lived the Bear family.
- Mayor Bear, a mayor.
- Call me Papa.
How am I doin'?
And Mrs. Bear,
a film director.
Action!
Call me Mama.
Cut!
And Baby Bear,
a spoiled brat.
Mama, Papa,
I need a year's supply
of new toys on the double!
Mama:
No problem, Baby.
Papa:
Anything you want.
Gordon:
And let's not forget
the Bear family's
beloved canine Studs.
[ growls ]
One day, the phone rang.
Enough of the long-winded
narration.
Let the story unfold.
Oh, Mama.
That was my task force
on the second-homeless.
They want to send us
to Deer Tick Valley
on a fact-finding mission.
But we can't leave
our lavish estate
and all our
special things.
Not to mention
our beloved canine
Studs.
[ growling ]
We'll have to find
a house sitter.
You are the most trusted house
sitter in Malizoo.
We need someone
who truly cares
about our place.
I care, Bears.
You see, in addition
to the "bear" necessities,
we have many special things
in our lavish home.
Papa:
Our priceless,
one-of-a-kind,
irreplaceable
porridge sculpture
signed by Vincent
Van Porridge himself.
Mama:
Papa's custom-made,
therapeutic
La-Z-Boy recliner
fashioned out
of genuine Naugahydes
for head-to-toe comfort.
Papa:
Mama's personalized,
imported,
genuine canvas
director's chair.
Mama:
And Baby's very own
beanbag chair
molded out of genuine vinyl
for hours
of playtime pleasure.
You can trust me
with these very special
possessions.
Mama:
And this is our
beloved canine Studs.
Make sure you walk him,
feed him,
burp him, and water him
three times a day.
Rhonda: You can trust me
with this very special
family pet.
[ growls ]
And here in the bedroom,
we have our Magik Fingers
vibrating beds.
I made them
with my "bear" hands.
You can trust me
with these very special
vibrating beds.
"Bear" in mind,
whatever you do,
don't sleep in them.
[ objects shatter ]
You'll find your bed,
a smelly, stained,
rollaway mattress,
in the dog house.
And now we must
be off or we'll "bear-ly"
make our flight.
[ chuckles ]
These sick puns
are more than I can bear.
- [ rings ]
- Bear residence.
Yes, this is Rhonda,
house sitter to the stars.
Oh, hi, Liz.
Philip and I are off
on a fact-finding mission
and we wondered
if you were available
to house-sit the palace.
Well, I'm sort
of occupied.
Di will
take you shopping.
You can trust me with
your very special palace.
I'll catch
the next Concord.
I've got to find
someone to care
for the Bears' lavish home
in my absence.
[ rings ]
House-sit for the Bears?
I don't know.
You'll be my girlfriend
if I do a good job?
You got it!
Excellent!
I hope I don't live
to regret this.
[ growls ]
♪ Give me some porridge
♪ But temper it right...
- [ Studs neeping ]
- ♪ Not hot, not cold
♪ I like it just right
♪ Well, give me a chair
♪ Of moderate height
♪ Not big, not small
♪ Well, I like it
just right... ♪
- [ bones crackle ]
- ♪ Well, give me a bed
♪ An orthapedic'd
be nice ♪
♪ Not hard, not soft
♪ I like it just right
♪ Not hard, not soft...
S-s-sounds like
a hearty party.
- Excellent.
- Uh-oh.
- ♪ I like it just--
- Nobody's home!
O-o-open up.
It's your lowlife amigos.
Yo, dudes!
You're looking rad
and bad...
and cool and hot!
What happened to the teen
slang of yesteryear?
Excellent pad, dude.
C-c-cool.
- Poochie wanna play?
- [ neeping ]
Catch, Moondoggie.
No, not the priceless,
irreplaceable, one-of-a-kind
porridge sculpture!
Yow!
Yeowch!
Defective craftsmanship.
All three:
Whoa!
Sorry, dude.
You think the mayor
will notice?
Not as much
as the prop guys.
Here, Studs!
Good doggie!
Yo, Studs!
Come to Uncle Goldie!
Hey, watch the hair.
This do wasn't cheap.
Yeowch!
Bad dog.
Whoa!
Yeah!
Whoa!
Are you thinking
what I'm thinking?
I don't know.
What are you thinking?
About opening a raging
waterslide and skate park
in the backyard.
Sorry, I was thinking
about curing this acne.
Goldilocks!
Goldilocks!
Goldilocks, wake up.
We had a simultaneous
brainstorm.
I know, I know.
I read the script--
turn this place into
a happening amusement park,
charge admission,
and with the megabucks
we earn,
we could buy
top-of-the-line
skateboards.
Now all we need
is a paying public.
[ crowd chattering,
music playing ]
Goldilocks:
Check out that Studs.
He has a promising future
as a party mammal.
Hey, that's Baby Bear's
imported beanbag chair!
This is not a good omen.
[ thudding,
glass shattering ]
Rhonda's gonna kill me.
Hey, everybody,
wet bikini contest
in the pool!
Better check the bedrooms.
[ laughing ]
Surf's up!
Phew.
I need a little hiatus.
Magik Fingers,
do your thing.
[ machinery whirrs ]
Party down!
Skating!
Waterslides!
Teen fun.
Just when life was
innocent and carefree.
Let's see
your party permit.
Um, yeah.
Goldilocks has it.
He'd better.
Hmm.
These kids must be rich.
I smell a nice,
fat bribe.
[ phone rings ]
Whoa, w-what is it?
Rhonda?!
Uh, yeah.
Everything's excellent.
Uh, the priceless,
irreplaceable,
one-of-a-kind
porridge sculpture?
Oh, it's safe and sound.
Chill out, babe.
Everything's cool.
I'll catch you later.
Now, where is that
party mammal?
[ cheering, clamoring ]
I want that porridge
sculpture now.
Have it back on the mantel
in two minutes
or I'll electrify
your favorite hydrant.
[ neeps ]
Sergeant Sloop.
I didn't know you were here.
Section 12-5,
Paragraph 2.
It is against the law
not to know,
not to mention partying
and skateboarding
and littering
and loitering.
We're dead meat
if you don't bribe Sloop
to tear up those tickets.
[ girls giggling ]
Now, about that bribe--
ahem, little gift.
[ stammers ]
Well, um...
Don't give him
our half of the money
or we'll never
get our skateboards.
Okay, I'll stash the bucks
in the fridge.
Gee, uh, we don't seem
to have any money,
but you can have
anything else you want.
- Anything?
- Anything.
[ air brakes hiss ]
Sloop:
What the heck is that?
You call that art?
You can call it art.
You can call it Fred.
You can call it
whatever you want.
Okay, I'll take it.
Help, we've been robbed!
- Call the cops!
- Yeah, do that.
When you got some more
little "gifts" for me.
[ cackles ]
[ rings ]
Hello?
Rhonda?!
What?
You're coming back early?!
Eech.
Wait, I'll give you money!
Stock options!
Junk bonds!
Anything!
So the Bears' house
is a disaster zone.
The furniture's on its way
to the flea market
and Rhonda's on her way back
as I speak!
Furniture?!
You got paid off
in furniture?!
It's not lawn furniture
like the last time, boss.
This is quality stuff.
You're gonna love
the Plexiglas coffee table.
What do I know
from Plexiglas?!
I want cold, hard cash!
[ tires screech ]
Hold everything.
I want that furniture back!
Eh, what furniture, son?
I'll pay.
I hate those
"Hairy" Krishnas.
P.A:
Flight 505
from Deer Tick Valley
is arriving at gate 11
in 10 minutes.
Or is it gate 10
in 11 minutes?
Hey, don't ask me.
I'm no rocket scientist, okay?
Uh-oh!
That's the Bears' flight!
It's arriving
a day early!
I've got to make sure
their house is okay.
I know their house
is okay,
but there's
nothing in it!
How can this all be
Goldilocks' fault?
You dudes didn't have
anything to do with it?
Uh, yes.
I mean, no.
He means yes.
- [ neeps ]
- Studs is right.
Rhonda, I can
explain everything
as soon as I spend all
our hard-earned money buying
the Bears' furniture back.
Help me, Rick!
Help me, Skip!
Help me, Studs!
Help me, Rhonda!
[ chuckles ]
Forget it, turkey.
The Bears will be here
any moment now
and who
is gonna help me?!
Does this mean she won't
be my girlfriend?
Oh, Mama, it feels
so good to be home.
It sure does, Papa.
I can't wait to see
our special things
in our lavish home.
One slightly used,
genuine vinyl beanbag chair.
10 smackers!
10?!
I could buy a new one
down at the PayMart
for $7.95.
They're closed.
Take it or leave it!
Oh, all right.
Mom, if you're
watching this,
please cash in that bond
that Grandma gave me
and send it ASAP.
What about this thing?
- Junk. Toss it!
- Wait!
Oh, no!
[ gasps ]
[ sighs ]
Phew. Home run.
Oh, Papa,
there it is!
Our lavish home
with all our very
special possessions.
Darling, I have
a strange feeling.
Have an antacid
tablet, dear.
Not that.
I have a feeling
that someone
has been
doing something
in our house.
You mean...?
You hit the nail
on the head.
[ gasps ]
♪ Someone's been eating
our porridge sculpture ♪
♪ Kumbaya
♪ And someone's been sitting
in our chairs ♪
♪ Kumbaya
♪ And someone's been doing
who-knows-what ♪
♪ With my beanbag chair
♪ Kumbaya
♪ Our house
is trashed ♪
♪ Kumbaya.
Where is that house sitter
to the stars?
- Wait, Papa.
- What is it, Mama?
I feel another
verse coming on.
♪ Someone's been sleeping
in our Magik Fingers beds ♪
♪ Kumbaya
♪ And someone's been flirting
with our dog ♪
♪ Kumbaya
♪ And someone's
left 50,000 bucks
in our refrigerator ♪
♪ Kumbaya
♪ Our house is trashed
♪ Kumbaya.
$50,000.
Maybe we can learn to live
with a little imperfection
in our sculpture.
Mayor Bear, Honorable Dude,
what's happening?
Have you seen
any cash lying around?
Nothing except
this $50,000.
Wait a minute!
Are you that irresponsible,
borderline delinquent
Goldilocks?
You must be thinking of
Goldilocks Haim.
I'm Goldilocks Feldman.
Everyone always
mixes us up.
Well, tell us,
Mr. Feldman,
what are you doing
in our lavish home
amidst
our special things?
Bribing your police force
to stay out of jail.
If you're fond of your
furniture, I'll need
that wad of cash.
I'm fond of the furniture.
Give him the wad, dear.
[ plane flies overhead ]
Wait a minute!
I heard somewhere
you guys took bribes!
And now I see proof!
Lock up these crooked
officers of the law!
[ both groan ]
Now only one
question remains:
what to do
with the money?
Baby:
Papa, I want
a skateboarding park!
You know, we could
use the money
to start
a skateboarding park.
Excellent!
Or we could quit
our jobs
and become
a new beach community
folk-singing sensation--
The Mama and the Papa!
♪ Dreaming of our beds
♪ Dreaming of our chairs
♪ Dreaming of hot cereal
♪ We're the famous Bears.
- ♪ Gordon, send us...
- ♪ Oh, send us...
♪ Into outer space
♪ 'Cause there ain't
nobody like you ♪
♪ In the Melmacian race
♪ Teach us, Gordon
♪ Make us twitch.
Hah!
I kill me!