ALF Tales (1988–1990): Season 1, Episode 7 - Rapunzel - full transcript
In this ALF Tales episode, ALF and his friends retell the story of Rapunzel.
WITH...
CAPTIONING MADE POSSIBLE BY
LIONS GATE HOME ENTERTAINMENT
HI.
TODAY'S ALF TALE IS
ABOUT A YOUNG WOMAN
WITH AN AMAZING
HEAD OF HAIR--
NO, NOT WHITNEY HOUSTON--
I'M TALKING ABOUT
A GIRL NAMED RAPUNZEL,
WHOSE FLOWING TRESSES
GET HER IN A HEAP
OF TROUBLE.
ALL DONE,
MR. SHUMWAY.
AAH!
YOU'RE NEW AROUND HERE.
YOU SEE, I'VE GOT THIS LOOK
I TRY TO MAINTAIN.
MR. SHUMWAY, THIS CUT
IS THE LATEST.
YOU LOOK
OUT OF THIS WORLD.
I'M FROM
OUT OF THIS WORLD.
IT'S A GOOD THING I'M NOT
IN THIS SHOW
UNTIL THE SECOND SCENE.
WARDROBE!
GET ME A BIG HAT!
[RAP BEAT PLAYING]
THAT'S THE W.I.T.C.H.
EVENING NEWS,
I AM THE WITCH,
AND THAT'S
THE WAY IT IS
BECAUSE I SAY SO.
STAY TUNED FOR
DESIGNING WITCHES
FOLLOWED BY
THE TRACEY ULLWITCH SHOW
AND THE NEW SHOW
THAT HAS THE CRITICS
RAVING--WITCHYSOMETHING.
YOU'RE WATCHING
W.I.T.C.H., WITCH TV
BECAUSE THERE'S
NOTHING ELSE ON...
EVER.
I WISH THERE WAS
SOMETHING ELSE TO WATCH.
YOU KNOW
HOW IT IS, RAPUNZEL.
THE WITCH OWNS EVERY
TELEVISION STATION.
OH, LOOK!
A NEW COMMERCIAL.
IS YOUR HAIR DULL
AND LIFELESS?
THEN TRY NEW
WITCHES' BREW SHAMPOO.
ITS GENTLE FORMULA
OF NATURAL MOISTURIZERS
AND GOOK
WILL LEAVE YOUR HAIR
SO SHINY, SO LIVELY,
SO BOUNCY.
WITCHES' BREW SHAMPOO--
IT WASHES LIFE IN
AND INSECT LARVAE OUT.
SO GO BUY SOME NOW!
OH, DAUGHTER, I WISH
WE COULD AFFORD
TO BUY YOU
NICE THINGS
LIKE SHAMPOO.
AS IT IS,
WE CAN'T EVEN
AFFORD FOOD.
THAT'S OK, MOTHER.
I WOULDN'T USE
THAT STUFF
EVEN IF THE WITCH
LOCKED ME IN A TOWER
A HUNDRED STORIES UP
WITH NO WAY OUT.
SAY, IT'S NEARLY
TIME FOR OUR
FAVORITE GAME SHOW.
THE ONE, THE ONLY...
WITCH-O!
IF WE COULD ONLY GET
ON YOU BET THE WITCH,
MAYBE WE'D WIN
THE JACKPOT.
WE COULD
WIN A STEREO
SYSTEM,
OR A BOAT,
OR MAYBE EVEN
SOME FOOD.
I THINK WE SHOULD APPLY
TO BE CONTESTANTS.
I AGREE.
AFTER ALL,
WHAT HAVE
WE GOT TO LOSE?
NOTHING.
NOTHING.
NOTHING.
MADAM, HERE'S
THE LATEST BUNCH
OF APPLICANTS
FOR THE GAME SHOW.
STUPID MORON.
UGLY...
WHAT HAVE WE HERE?
LOOK AT THAT HAIR.
DISGUSTING,
ISN'T IT?
DON'T POINT
YOUR HEAD AT ME, MAX.
THE GLARE IS BLINDING.
YES, MADAM. I WILL
SAND IT AT ONCE.
NOTIFY THIS FAMILY
THAT THEY CAN APPEAR
ON THE SHOW IMMEDIATELY.
WITH A GIRL LIKE THAT,
I'LL MAKE WITCH'S BREW
SHAMPOO NUMBER ONE
IN THE KINGDOM.
WE WILL CONTINUE
WITH 101 HOURS
OF 101 STRINGS
IN A MOMENT.
THIS IS W.I.T.C.H.--
RAP-FREE RADIO.
[TURNS RADIO DIAL]
WE'LL CONTINUE
WITH 101 HOURS
OF 101 STRINGS
IN A MOMENT.
THIS IS W.I.T.C.H.--
RAP-FREE RADIO.
DON'T TOUCH THAT DIAL
OR TOUCH THAT DIAL.
IT WON'T MAKE
ANY DIFFERENCE.
RAP-FREE RADIO.
I'D LIKE TO
OFFER THAT WITCH
A LITTLE RAP OF MY OWN.
I'LL NEVER GET TO HEAR
ANY RAP MUSIC.
DAD, SHE CONTROLS
EVERY TV AND RADIO STATION
IN THE KINGDOM.
WELL, SON,
HOW ARE YOU TODAY?
SOON SHE'LL START
BUYING NEWSPAPERS
AND STORES,
AND SHE'LL OWN
EVERYTHING.
WHY DON'T YOU MAKE
A LAW TO STOP HER?
NOW, YOU KNOW
I DON'T LIKE
TO INTERFERE
IN GOVERNMENT.
DAD, YOU ARE
THE GOVERNMENT.
OH, MY.
WELL,
WHAT SHOULD WE DO?
CREATE AN ORGANIZATION
THAT WILL END
THE WITCH'S MONOPOLY.
A SOME SORT OF COMMISSION.
A COMMUNICATIONS
COMMISSION.
A FEDERAL
COMMUNICATIONS COMMISSION.
MY STARS!
YOUR STARS, SIRE.
THE MOON IS
IN THE 7th HOUSE.
AND JUPITER IS
IN THE 4th HOUSE.
AND MICHAEL LANDON
IS IN LITTLE HOUSE.
THE STARS SAY
IT'S A BAD TIME
TO DO ANYTHING,
AS USUAL.
WELL, THAT'S IT, THEN.
[BEEP BEEP]
SAY, MICKEY SAYS IT'S TIME
FOR MY FAVORITE GAME SHOW.
SIT DOWN, SON.
DAD, I THINK THIS
IS A LITTLE MORE
IMPORTANT THAN...
MOVE OVER.
WELL, YOU'RE
A LOVELY FAMILY,
AND I'VE ENJOYED CHATTING,
BUT IT'S TIME TO PLAY
YOU BET THE WITCH.
I ASSUME YOU'VE ALL READ
THE RULES OF OUR GAME.
WHA--I'VE NEVER
SEEN THAT.
NO, NO. I'VE
NEVER SEEN THAT.
THAT'S DANDY.
ANSWER THE QUESTIONS
CORRECTLY,
AND YOU COULD WIN...
MAXIMUN?
ENOUGH FOOD AND WATER
TO STAY ALIVE, WITCH-O.
WONDERFUL.
HERE WE GO.
REMEMBER,
SAY THE SECRET WORD
AND WIN A YEAR'S SUPPLY
OF WITCH'S BREW SHAMPOO.
HERE'S YOUR FIRST
QUESTION--
COMPARE AND CONTRAST FRANCE
DURING THE NAPOLEONIC ERA
WITH THE AMERICAN CONFEDERACY
DURING THE CIVIL WAR.
[BUZZER]
THE ANSWER'S 17.
NEXT QUESTION.
WHAT DO I HAVE
IN THIS BOX?
[TICKING]
[BUZZER]
TIME'S UP.
NOTHING.
LAST QUESTION.
WHO'S ALWAYS RIGHT--
EBERT OR SISKEL?
UH, EBERT.
WRONG.
THE ANSWER'S SISKEL.
WELL, WHAT
HAVE THEY LOST, MAXIMUN?
WITCH-O, THEY MUST
FORFEIT ONE DAUGHTER
WITH LONG, LUXURIOUS,
NATURALLY-SHINY HAIR.
AAH!
RAPUNZEL!
YOU WITCH!
THAT'S THE SECRET WORD!
AND THERE'S YOUR
YEAR'S SUPPLY
OF WITCH'S BREW SHAMPOO.
I'M AFRAID THAT'S
ALL THE TIME WE HAVE,
WITCH-O.
GOOD NIGHT.
POOR RAPUNZEL.
MEAN OLD WITCH.
OBLIVIOUS DAD.
[SOBBING]
I'LL NEVER SEE
MY FAMILY AGAIN.
OK, RAPUNZEL.
WE'RE READY.
WAIT FOR YOUR CUE.
OK.
IN 5, 4, 3, 2...
NEW IMPROVED
WITCH'S BREW SHAMPOO
WILL MAKE YOUR HAIR
LONG, LONG, LONG,
AND STRONG, STRONG,
STRONG. WATCH.
RAPUNZEL, RAPUNZEL,
LET DOWN YOUR HAIR,
THAT I MAY CLIMB
THE GOLDEN STAIR.
THAT'S LONG.
NOW WATCH HOW STRONG.
THAT'S THAT RAPUNZEL BABE
FROM THE GAME SHOW.
AAH!
HA HA HA!
THE WITCH IS HOLDING
HER PRISONER.
WELL,
THAT'S HER BUSINESS.
IT'S NOT
THE GOVERNMENT'S JOB--
I WISH YOU'D CONJURE UP
SOME INTESTINAL FORTITUDE.
WHICH REMINDS ME,
SON.
THE DEPARTMENT
OF MY INTERIOR
IS FEELING
A LITTLE QUEASY.
PARDON ME.
WELL, I'LL BE DARNED
IF I'M GOING TO
LET THAT WITCH
HOLD THE AIRWAVES
AND RAPUNZEL CAPTIVE.
OH, BODYGUARDS!
ROYAL BODYGUARDS!
WE'RE GOING TO FIND
THAT DOLL AND FREE HER
AT ANY COST...
EVEN IF IT TAKES
ALL AFTERNOON.
SEE ANYTHING YET?
YEAH, A BEAUTIFUL
SWIRLING DESIGN
OF GEOMETRIC PATTERNS
AND MANY COLORS.
WHAT?
THIS IS A KALEIDOSCOPE.
I NEVER SAID IT WASN'T.
♪ I'M LOCKED UP
IN A TOWER ♪
♪ WITH NO WAY OUT
♪ AND I WISH THAT THERE WAS
SOMEONE TO HEAR ME SHOUT ♪
GET ME OUT OF HERE!
I WANT TO GET
OUT OF HERE!
HELP! HELP!
DO YOU HEAR THAT?
IT'S RAP MUSIC!
S-S-SOUNDS LIKE
SOMEONE'S IN TROUBLE.
YEAH, LIKE MAYBE A CERTAIN
LONG-HAIRED SHUT-IN
WE'RE LOOKING FOR.
COME ON.
♪ AND I WISH THAT THERE WAS
SOMEONE TO HEAR ME SHOUT ♪
♪ TO HEAR ME SH-SH-SH-SH
♪ HEAR ME SHOUT
AAH! LET ME OUT!
I WANT MY MOMMY!
HELP!
NO PROBLEM, OH YE
OF LENGTHY LOCKS.
I AM HERE TO SAVE YOU
AND TO ROCK YOU.
[BEATBOX PLAYS]
♪ RAPUNZEL, RAPUNZEL,
LET DOWN YOUR HAIR ♪
♪ THAT I MAY CLIMB
THE GOLDEN STAIR ♪
♪ YOU'RE IN
THE WITCH'S POWER ♪
♪ SHE LOCKS YOU
IN HER TOWER ♪
♪ WITH SHAMPOO
IN THE SHOWER ♪
♪ AND ALL THAT HAIR
♪ YOU'RE A HUNDRED
FLIGHTS ABOVE ME ♪
♪ BUT NO ONE
HAS TO SHOVE ME ♪
♪ 'CAUSE I KNOW THAT
YOU WILL LOVE ME ♪
♪ WHEN I CLIMB
UP THERE ♪
♪ R-R-RAPUN
R-R-R-R-PUN ♪
♪ RAPUNZ
♪ RAPUNZEL, RAPUNZEL,
LET DOWN YOUR HAIR ♪
♪ THAT I MAY CLIMB
THE GOLDEN STAIR ♪
♪ THE GOLDEN STAIR
♪ G-G-G-G-GOLDEN,
GOLDEN STAIR ♪
♪ THE GOLDEN STAIR
AH! OK!
HOME, BOYS.
OK. HOME, BOYS.
HERE I COME,
PUNZIE.
I HOPE YOUR ROOTS
RUN DEEP.
YOU SHOULD TALK
TO YOUR LANDLORD
ABOUT FIXING
THE ELEVATOR.
YOU OK?
I'M GETTING USED TO IT.
SO, WHO ARE YOU,
CUTE AND ADORABLE STRANGER?
I AM THE PRINCE
OF THE LAND.
I SAW YOU ON TV
AND VOWED TO SAVE YOU.
GOOD VOW!
GOOD VOW!
WHERE'D YOU LEARN
TO RAP?
WE POOR KIDS
COULDN'T AFFORD
INSTRUMENTS,
SO WE LEARNED
HOW TO RAP.
HOW ABOUT YOU?
WE RICH KIDS
ALWAYS THOUGHT
YOU POOR
KIDS WERE SO COOL.
SO WE STARTED RAPPING
IN-BETWEEN PIANO LESSONS.
WELL, YOU RAP
DEF AND COOL.
OH, NO. YOU,
YOU'RE THE RAP MASTER.
I'D LIKE
TO HEAR YOU RAP
ALL DAY LONG.
ALL LIFE LONG.
IN FACT, WILL
YOU MARRY ME?
WELL, SEEING
AS HOW MY PROSPECTS
ARE SLIM,
AND YOU ARE THE MOST
ELIGIBLE BACHELOR
IN THE KINGDOM,
NOT TO MENTION A HUNK
AND A HALF...
SURE!
WHAT THE HECK. OK.
GREAT! JUST STAY PUT.
I'LL BE BACK REAL SOON
WITH A LADDER.
SO, COULD YOU--
YOU KNOW, RAPUNZEL...
OH, RAPUNZEL...
RIGHT. OF COURSE.
GIVE ME A DRAMATIC
CLOSE-UP.
THE PRINCE AND RAPUNZEL
CAN'T GET AWAY WITH THIS.
I'LL GET THE PRINCE
FOR MYSELF.
I WILL. AND THEN HIS
KINGDOM WILL BE MINE.
ALL THAT'S STANDING
IN MY WAY IS THAT BRAT
RAPUNZEL.
BUT I DON'T SEE
A PROBLEM THERE.
HA HA HA!
♪ RAPUNZEL, RAPUNZEL,
YOU'VE GOT A FRIEND ♪
♪ NOW ALL YOU NEED
IS A GOOD CREAM RINSE ♪
♪ CREAM RINSE,
CREAM RINSE ♪
HELLO, MY BEAUTY.
HAD ANY VISITORS LATELY?
I'M NOT JOKING, HAIRY.
PERHAPS THISWILL
JOG YOUR MEMORY.
ISN'T THAT ANOTHER
EXCITING EPISODE
OF KNOTS-IN-MY-HAIR
LANDING?
YOU SHOULD NEVER
HAVE DROPPED YOUR HAIR
FOR ANYONE BUT ME.
PLEASE FORGIVE ME, WITCH.
I'LL NEVER DO IT AGAIN!
ACTUALLY, YOU DID ME
A BIG FAVOR.
WITHOUT YOUR HELP,
I NEVER WOULD HAVE
FIGURED OUT A WAY
TO MAKE THE PRINCE MINE,
GET RID OF THE KING,
AND TAKE OVER
THE ENTIRE KINGDOM!
HA HA! AHEM.
WHAT ARE YOU
GOING TO DO
WITH ME?
LET'S JUST
CONSIDER THIS--
A CLOSE SHAVE.
OH, GOOD.
A VERYCLOSE SHAVE.
A-HA! A-HA HA!
AAH!
♪ RAPUNZEL, RAPUNZEL,
LET DOWN YOUR HAIR ♪
♪ THAT I MAY CLIMB
ET CETERA ♪
HI, THERE,
DREAM THING.
WHERE'S RAPUNZEL?
I SENT HER
ON A NICE NATURE STROLL
THROUGH DEVIL'S FOREST.
SHE'LL BE LOST FOREVER.
DO YOU THINK
I'M HEARTLESS?
THERE'S AN EXCELLENT CHANCE
SHE'LL BE EATEN
BY WILD ANIMALS.
RAPUNZEL.
OH, FORGET ABOUT HER.
WHAT HAS SHE GOT
THAT I HAVEN'T GOT?
CERTAINLY NOT HAIR.
MARRY ME, SNOOKUMS.
WITH MY PROPERTY
AND YOUR ROYALTY,
WE'LL RULE THE KINGDOM.
MARRY YOU?
YOU'RE PUTRID,
SLIMY, AND EVIL.
I'LL GROW ON YOU.
LIKE RINGWORM.
I'M OFF TO FIND
MY TRUE LOVE.
WAIT!
NO MAN DUMPS ME.
ACTUALLY,
EVERY MAN DUMPS ME,
BUT I GET ALWAYS GET
BACK AT THEM.
WHOA!
THAT WILL TEACH YOU!
AH HA! AH HA!
OH, I'VE GOT
TO GET A LIFE.
OHH!
MY GLASSES!
I'M BLIND
WITHOUT THEM.
HELP ME!
SOMEBODY!
I'VE GOT TO FIND
RAPUNZEL.
RAPUNZEL!
RAPUNZEL!
RAPUNZEL!
RAPUNZEL!
RAPUNZEL!
RAPUNZEL!
RAPUNZEL!
RAPUNZEL?
ARRGH!
NOT RAPUNZEL.
♪ RAPUNZEL, RAPUNZEL,
YOU NEED A MAP ♪
♪ THE WITCH SET YOU UP
ON A BUM RAP ♪
♪ RAPUNZEL, RAPUNZEL,
YOU'RE IN DESPAIR ♪
♪ YOU'RE OUT OF LUCK,
AND YOU'RE OUT OF HAIR ♪
RAPUNZEL!
PRINCE.
PRINCE.
HERE, PRINCE.
HERE, PRINCE.
MY HAIR!
I CAN'T LET HIM
SEE ME LIKE THIS!
I'M COMING.
IS THAT YOU, RAPUNZEL?
OH, NO! IT'S ME,
IRMA THE TALKING TREE.
YOU SOUND
JUST LIKE MY BELOVED
AND BAD RAPPER
SWEETHEART RAPUNZEL.
WHAT'S WRONG?
YOU ACT LIKE YOU
CAN'T SEE A THING,
NOT EVEN
A TERRIBLE HAIRCUT.
THE WITCH DROPPED ME
FROM HER TOWER
AND BROKE MY GLASSES.
OH, MY POOR DARLING.
IRMA,
I HARDLY KNOW YOU.
IT'S ME, RAPUNZEL.
RAPUNZEL THANK GOODNESS
I'VE FOUND YOU!
LET'S GET OUT OF HERE!
OHH!
OOH! SORRY, IRMA.
THIS IS TERRIBLE!
YOU CAN'T SEE,
AND I DON'T KNOW
WHERE WE ARE,
AND WE'RE DOOMED!
DON'T CRY, MY SWEET.
CRY, WOMAN!
CRY YOUR LITTLE
HEART OUT.
I CAN SEE!
YOUR TEARS HAVE GIVEN ME
PERFECT VISION.
OH, THAT.
IT RUNS
IN THE FAMILY.
OUR TEARS HAVE
CORRECTED VISION
FOR GENERATIONS.
EYE DOCTORS
HATE US.
OH, MY HAIR!
NO. IT'S
ALL RIGHT. LOOK!
AH HA!
WE'VE GOT TO STOP
THE WITCH
BEFORE SHE TAKES OVER
EVERYTHING.
I'VE BEEN THINKING.
COULDN'T YOU CREATE
SOME SORT OF...
Both: FEDERAL
COMMUNICATIONS
COMMISSION?
I KNOW,
BUT MY DAD WON'T DO IT.
WE'LL HAVE TO GO
RIGHT TO THE PEOPLE.
RIGHT ON.
POWER TO THE PEOPLE!
POWER TO THE PEOPLE!
♪ THE PEOPLE
HAVE THE POWER ♪
♪ TO STOP
THE WITCH'S TOWER ♪
♪ FROM GROWING
BY THE HOUR ♪
♪ AND WE WON'T LOSE
♪ TO GET THE
KING'S PERMISSION ♪
♪ TO MAKE
A NEW COMMISSION ♪
♪ AND START
A NEW TRADITION ♪
♪ THE RIGHT
TO CHOO-CHOO ♪
♪ CHOO-CHOO
♪ CH-CH-CHOO
♪ CH-CH-CHOO
♪ CH-CH-CHOOSE
YEAH!
YEAH!
YEAH!
WELL, THERE THEY GO AGAIN.
WELL, YOU FOUGHT
LONG AND HARD,
AND YOUR KING HAS HEARD YOU.
I HEREBY DECREE
THAT THE WITCH MAY OWN
JUST ONE
LOCAL TV STATION.
I ALSO PROCLAIM
THE FORMATION
OF THREE TV NETWORKS.
PLEASE MEET THE HEADS
OF THESE NETWORKS.
BRANDON TARTERBLANK.
BRANDON STUBBORN.
AND JUST PLAIN BRANDON.
AND FINALLY, WELL,
I ANNOUNCE THE FORMATION
OF THE FEDERAL
COMMUNICATIONS COMMISSION
TO MAKE SURE
THAT NOBODY EVER TRIES
TO TAKE CONTROL OF TV
OR RADIO AGAIN.
[CHEERING]
I'M RUINED.
MAX, I'M READY
FOR MY CLOSE-UP NOW.
YES, MADAM.
[SCREAMING]
THE NEW COMMISSION
HAS COME UP
WITH A FEW RULES
AND REGULATIONS.
♪ RAPUNZEL, RAPUNZEL
♪ LET DOWN THE RULES
♪ SO THOSE IN CHARGE
WON'T LOOK LIKE FOOLS ♪
HO HO HO.
OOF.
THANKS
TO THE NEW RULES,
FROM NOW ON
TV WILL BE
ENTERTAINING,
EDUCATIONAL,
AND HIGH QUALITY
FOREVER!
HEY, POSTAL GEISTS.
IT'S TIME FOR ANOTHER LETTER
FROM THE MAILBAG.
"DEAR ALF, I'M 6 MONTHS OLD
AND FILLED WITH DESPAIR.
"WHEN I TRY
TO MAKE CONVERSATION
WITH MY PEERS,
"THEY SPIT UP.
"AND THEY CERTAINLY DON'T
"SHARE MY ENTHUSIASM
FOR BARYSHNIKOV.
"MY PARENTS ARE NO BETTER.
"LAST WEEK
I GREETED THEM IN LATIN,
"THEY RAN IN HORROR
AND CALLED IN AN EXORCIST.
"HERE'S MY QUESTION--
"I'VE DISCOVERED
A THEORETICAL WAY
"TO BRIDGE TIME AND SPACE.
"SHOULD I TELL THE WORLD,
"OR AM I JUST ASKING
FOR TROUBLE?
SIGNED WITTY BITTY BABY."
DEAR WITTY,
NOBODY LIKES
A SMART-MOUTH KID.
I'VE GOT LOTS
TO OFFER, TOO,
LIKE HOW TO SUCK
THE CREAM OUT OF A TWINKIE
WITHOUT OPENING
THE PACKAGE,
BUT THE WORLD
JUST ISN'T READY
FOR CERTAIN CONCEPTS.
BEFORE YOU DISCOVER
THE FOURTH DIMENSION,
DISCOVER THE POTTY.
WELL, THAT'S ALL
WE HAVE TIME AND SPACE FOR.
SEE YOU NEXT WEEK.
BABY.
♪ GORDON, SEND US
♪ OH, SEND US
♪ INTO OUTER SPACE
♪ OUTER SPACE
♪ 'CAUSE THERE AIN'T
NOBODY LIKE YOU ♪
♪ IN THE MELMACKIAN RACE
♪ TEACH US, GORDON...
HA! I KILL ME!
CAPTIONING MADE POSSIBLE BY
LIONS GATE HOME ENTERTAINMENT
HI.
TODAY'S ALF TALE IS
ABOUT A YOUNG WOMAN
WITH AN AMAZING
HEAD OF HAIR--
NO, NOT WHITNEY HOUSTON--
I'M TALKING ABOUT
A GIRL NAMED RAPUNZEL,
WHOSE FLOWING TRESSES
GET HER IN A HEAP
OF TROUBLE.
ALL DONE,
MR. SHUMWAY.
AAH!
YOU'RE NEW AROUND HERE.
YOU SEE, I'VE GOT THIS LOOK
I TRY TO MAINTAIN.
MR. SHUMWAY, THIS CUT
IS THE LATEST.
YOU LOOK
OUT OF THIS WORLD.
I'M FROM
OUT OF THIS WORLD.
IT'S A GOOD THING I'M NOT
IN THIS SHOW
UNTIL THE SECOND SCENE.
WARDROBE!
GET ME A BIG HAT!
[RAP BEAT PLAYING]
THAT'S THE W.I.T.C.H.
EVENING NEWS,
I AM THE WITCH,
AND THAT'S
THE WAY IT IS
BECAUSE I SAY SO.
STAY TUNED FOR
DESIGNING WITCHES
FOLLOWED BY
THE TRACEY ULLWITCH SHOW
AND THE NEW SHOW
THAT HAS THE CRITICS
RAVING--WITCHYSOMETHING.
YOU'RE WATCHING
W.I.T.C.H., WITCH TV
BECAUSE THERE'S
NOTHING ELSE ON...
EVER.
I WISH THERE WAS
SOMETHING ELSE TO WATCH.
YOU KNOW
HOW IT IS, RAPUNZEL.
THE WITCH OWNS EVERY
TELEVISION STATION.
OH, LOOK!
A NEW COMMERCIAL.
IS YOUR HAIR DULL
AND LIFELESS?
THEN TRY NEW
WITCHES' BREW SHAMPOO.
ITS GENTLE FORMULA
OF NATURAL MOISTURIZERS
AND GOOK
WILL LEAVE YOUR HAIR
SO SHINY, SO LIVELY,
SO BOUNCY.
WITCHES' BREW SHAMPOO--
IT WASHES LIFE IN
AND INSECT LARVAE OUT.
SO GO BUY SOME NOW!
OH, DAUGHTER, I WISH
WE COULD AFFORD
TO BUY YOU
NICE THINGS
LIKE SHAMPOO.
AS IT IS,
WE CAN'T EVEN
AFFORD FOOD.
THAT'S OK, MOTHER.
I WOULDN'T USE
THAT STUFF
EVEN IF THE WITCH
LOCKED ME IN A TOWER
A HUNDRED STORIES UP
WITH NO WAY OUT.
SAY, IT'S NEARLY
TIME FOR OUR
FAVORITE GAME SHOW.
THE ONE, THE ONLY...
WITCH-O!
IF WE COULD ONLY GET
ON YOU BET THE WITCH,
MAYBE WE'D WIN
THE JACKPOT.
WE COULD
WIN A STEREO
SYSTEM,
OR A BOAT,
OR MAYBE EVEN
SOME FOOD.
I THINK WE SHOULD APPLY
TO BE CONTESTANTS.
I AGREE.
AFTER ALL,
WHAT HAVE
WE GOT TO LOSE?
NOTHING.
NOTHING.
NOTHING.
MADAM, HERE'S
THE LATEST BUNCH
OF APPLICANTS
FOR THE GAME SHOW.
STUPID MORON.
UGLY...
WHAT HAVE WE HERE?
LOOK AT THAT HAIR.
DISGUSTING,
ISN'T IT?
DON'T POINT
YOUR HEAD AT ME, MAX.
THE GLARE IS BLINDING.
YES, MADAM. I WILL
SAND IT AT ONCE.
NOTIFY THIS FAMILY
THAT THEY CAN APPEAR
ON THE SHOW IMMEDIATELY.
WITH A GIRL LIKE THAT,
I'LL MAKE WITCH'S BREW
SHAMPOO NUMBER ONE
IN THE KINGDOM.
WE WILL CONTINUE
WITH 101 HOURS
OF 101 STRINGS
IN A MOMENT.
THIS IS W.I.T.C.H.--
RAP-FREE RADIO.
[TURNS RADIO DIAL]
WE'LL CONTINUE
WITH 101 HOURS
OF 101 STRINGS
IN A MOMENT.
THIS IS W.I.T.C.H.--
RAP-FREE RADIO.
DON'T TOUCH THAT DIAL
OR TOUCH THAT DIAL.
IT WON'T MAKE
ANY DIFFERENCE.
RAP-FREE RADIO.
I'D LIKE TO
OFFER THAT WITCH
A LITTLE RAP OF MY OWN.
I'LL NEVER GET TO HEAR
ANY RAP MUSIC.
DAD, SHE CONTROLS
EVERY TV AND RADIO STATION
IN THE KINGDOM.
WELL, SON,
HOW ARE YOU TODAY?
SOON SHE'LL START
BUYING NEWSPAPERS
AND STORES,
AND SHE'LL OWN
EVERYTHING.
WHY DON'T YOU MAKE
A LAW TO STOP HER?
NOW, YOU KNOW
I DON'T LIKE
TO INTERFERE
IN GOVERNMENT.
DAD, YOU ARE
THE GOVERNMENT.
OH, MY.
WELL,
WHAT SHOULD WE DO?
CREATE AN ORGANIZATION
THAT WILL END
THE WITCH'S MONOPOLY.
A SOME SORT OF COMMISSION.
A COMMUNICATIONS
COMMISSION.
A FEDERAL
COMMUNICATIONS COMMISSION.
MY STARS!
YOUR STARS, SIRE.
THE MOON IS
IN THE 7th HOUSE.
AND JUPITER IS
IN THE 4th HOUSE.
AND MICHAEL LANDON
IS IN LITTLE HOUSE.
THE STARS SAY
IT'S A BAD TIME
TO DO ANYTHING,
AS USUAL.
WELL, THAT'S IT, THEN.
[BEEP BEEP]
SAY, MICKEY SAYS IT'S TIME
FOR MY FAVORITE GAME SHOW.
SIT DOWN, SON.
DAD, I THINK THIS
IS A LITTLE MORE
IMPORTANT THAN...
MOVE OVER.
WELL, YOU'RE
A LOVELY FAMILY,
AND I'VE ENJOYED CHATTING,
BUT IT'S TIME TO PLAY
YOU BET THE WITCH.
I ASSUME YOU'VE ALL READ
THE RULES OF OUR GAME.
WHA--I'VE NEVER
SEEN THAT.
NO, NO. I'VE
NEVER SEEN THAT.
THAT'S DANDY.
ANSWER THE QUESTIONS
CORRECTLY,
AND YOU COULD WIN...
MAXIMUN?
ENOUGH FOOD AND WATER
TO STAY ALIVE, WITCH-O.
WONDERFUL.
HERE WE GO.
REMEMBER,
SAY THE SECRET WORD
AND WIN A YEAR'S SUPPLY
OF WITCH'S BREW SHAMPOO.
HERE'S YOUR FIRST
QUESTION--
COMPARE AND CONTRAST FRANCE
DURING THE NAPOLEONIC ERA
WITH THE AMERICAN CONFEDERACY
DURING THE CIVIL WAR.
[BUZZER]
THE ANSWER'S 17.
NEXT QUESTION.
WHAT DO I HAVE
IN THIS BOX?
[TICKING]
[BUZZER]
TIME'S UP.
NOTHING.
LAST QUESTION.
WHO'S ALWAYS RIGHT--
EBERT OR SISKEL?
UH, EBERT.
WRONG.
THE ANSWER'S SISKEL.
WELL, WHAT
HAVE THEY LOST, MAXIMUN?
WITCH-O, THEY MUST
FORFEIT ONE DAUGHTER
WITH LONG, LUXURIOUS,
NATURALLY-SHINY HAIR.
AAH!
RAPUNZEL!
YOU WITCH!
THAT'S THE SECRET WORD!
AND THERE'S YOUR
YEAR'S SUPPLY
OF WITCH'S BREW SHAMPOO.
I'M AFRAID THAT'S
ALL THE TIME WE HAVE,
WITCH-O.
GOOD NIGHT.
POOR RAPUNZEL.
MEAN OLD WITCH.
OBLIVIOUS DAD.
[SOBBING]
I'LL NEVER SEE
MY FAMILY AGAIN.
OK, RAPUNZEL.
WE'RE READY.
WAIT FOR YOUR CUE.
OK.
IN 5, 4, 3, 2...
NEW IMPROVED
WITCH'S BREW SHAMPOO
WILL MAKE YOUR HAIR
LONG, LONG, LONG,
AND STRONG, STRONG,
STRONG. WATCH.
RAPUNZEL, RAPUNZEL,
LET DOWN YOUR HAIR,
THAT I MAY CLIMB
THE GOLDEN STAIR.
THAT'S LONG.
NOW WATCH HOW STRONG.
THAT'S THAT RAPUNZEL BABE
FROM THE GAME SHOW.
AAH!
HA HA HA!
THE WITCH IS HOLDING
HER PRISONER.
WELL,
THAT'S HER BUSINESS.
IT'S NOT
THE GOVERNMENT'S JOB--
I WISH YOU'D CONJURE UP
SOME INTESTINAL FORTITUDE.
WHICH REMINDS ME,
SON.
THE DEPARTMENT
OF MY INTERIOR
IS FEELING
A LITTLE QUEASY.
PARDON ME.
WELL, I'LL BE DARNED
IF I'M GOING TO
LET THAT WITCH
HOLD THE AIRWAVES
AND RAPUNZEL CAPTIVE.
OH, BODYGUARDS!
ROYAL BODYGUARDS!
WE'RE GOING TO FIND
THAT DOLL AND FREE HER
AT ANY COST...
EVEN IF IT TAKES
ALL AFTERNOON.
SEE ANYTHING YET?
YEAH, A BEAUTIFUL
SWIRLING DESIGN
OF GEOMETRIC PATTERNS
AND MANY COLORS.
WHAT?
THIS IS A KALEIDOSCOPE.
I NEVER SAID IT WASN'T.
♪ I'M LOCKED UP
IN A TOWER ♪
♪ WITH NO WAY OUT
♪ AND I WISH THAT THERE WAS
SOMEONE TO HEAR ME SHOUT ♪
GET ME OUT OF HERE!
I WANT TO GET
OUT OF HERE!
HELP! HELP!
DO YOU HEAR THAT?
IT'S RAP MUSIC!
S-S-SOUNDS LIKE
SOMEONE'S IN TROUBLE.
YEAH, LIKE MAYBE A CERTAIN
LONG-HAIRED SHUT-IN
WE'RE LOOKING FOR.
COME ON.
♪ AND I WISH THAT THERE WAS
SOMEONE TO HEAR ME SHOUT ♪
♪ TO HEAR ME SH-SH-SH-SH
♪ HEAR ME SHOUT
AAH! LET ME OUT!
I WANT MY MOMMY!
HELP!
NO PROBLEM, OH YE
OF LENGTHY LOCKS.
I AM HERE TO SAVE YOU
AND TO ROCK YOU.
[BEATBOX PLAYS]
♪ RAPUNZEL, RAPUNZEL,
LET DOWN YOUR HAIR ♪
♪ THAT I MAY CLIMB
THE GOLDEN STAIR ♪
♪ YOU'RE IN
THE WITCH'S POWER ♪
♪ SHE LOCKS YOU
IN HER TOWER ♪
♪ WITH SHAMPOO
IN THE SHOWER ♪
♪ AND ALL THAT HAIR
♪ YOU'RE A HUNDRED
FLIGHTS ABOVE ME ♪
♪ BUT NO ONE
HAS TO SHOVE ME ♪
♪ 'CAUSE I KNOW THAT
YOU WILL LOVE ME ♪
♪ WHEN I CLIMB
UP THERE ♪
♪ R-R-RAPUN
R-R-R-R-PUN ♪
♪ RAPUNZ
♪ RAPUNZEL, RAPUNZEL,
LET DOWN YOUR HAIR ♪
♪ THAT I MAY CLIMB
THE GOLDEN STAIR ♪
♪ THE GOLDEN STAIR
♪ G-G-G-G-GOLDEN,
GOLDEN STAIR ♪
♪ THE GOLDEN STAIR
AH! OK!
HOME, BOYS.
OK. HOME, BOYS.
HERE I COME,
PUNZIE.
I HOPE YOUR ROOTS
RUN DEEP.
YOU SHOULD TALK
TO YOUR LANDLORD
ABOUT FIXING
THE ELEVATOR.
YOU OK?
I'M GETTING USED TO IT.
SO, WHO ARE YOU,
CUTE AND ADORABLE STRANGER?
I AM THE PRINCE
OF THE LAND.
I SAW YOU ON TV
AND VOWED TO SAVE YOU.
GOOD VOW!
GOOD VOW!
WHERE'D YOU LEARN
TO RAP?
WE POOR KIDS
COULDN'T AFFORD
INSTRUMENTS,
SO WE LEARNED
HOW TO RAP.
HOW ABOUT YOU?
WE RICH KIDS
ALWAYS THOUGHT
YOU POOR
KIDS WERE SO COOL.
SO WE STARTED RAPPING
IN-BETWEEN PIANO LESSONS.
WELL, YOU RAP
DEF AND COOL.
OH, NO. YOU,
YOU'RE THE RAP MASTER.
I'D LIKE
TO HEAR YOU RAP
ALL DAY LONG.
ALL LIFE LONG.
IN FACT, WILL
YOU MARRY ME?
WELL, SEEING
AS HOW MY PROSPECTS
ARE SLIM,
AND YOU ARE THE MOST
ELIGIBLE BACHELOR
IN THE KINGDOM,
NOT TO MENTION A HUNK
AND A HALF...
SURE!
WHAT THE HECK. OK.
GREAT! JUST STAY PUT.
I'LL BE BACK REAL SOON
WITH A LADDER.
SO, COULD YOU--
YOU KNOW, RAPUNZEL...
OH, RAPUNZEL...
RIGHT. OF COURSE.
GIVE ME A DRAMATIC
CLOSE-UP.
THE PRINCE AND RAPUNZEL
CAN'T GET AWAY WITH THIS.
I'LL GET THE PRINCE
FOR MYSELF.
I WILL. AND THEN HIS
KINGDOM WILL BE MINE.
ALL THAT'S STANDING
IN MY WAY IS THAT BRAT
RAPUNZEL.
BUT I DON'T SEE
A PROBLEM THERE.
HA HA HA!
♪ RAPUNZEL, RAPUNZEL,
YOU'VE GOT A FRIEND ♪
♪ NOW ALL YOU NEED
IS A GOOD CREAM RINSE ♪
♪ CREAM RINSE,
CREAM RINSE ♪
HELLO, MY BEAUTY.
HAD ANY VISITORS LATELY?
I'M NOT JOKING, HAIRY.
PERHAPS THISWILL
JOG YOUR MEMORY.
ISN'T THAT ANOTHER
EXCITING EPISODE
OF KNOTS-IN-MY-HAIR
LANDING?
YOU SHOULD NEVER
HAVE DROPPED YOUR HAIR
FOR ANYONE BUT ME.
PLEASE FORGIVE ME, WITCH.
I'LL NEVER DO IT AGAIN!
ACTUALLY, YOU DID ME
A BIG FAVOR.
WITHOUT YOUR HELP,
I NEVER WOULD HAVE
FIGURED OUT A WAY
TO MAKE THE PRINCE MINE,
GET RID OF THE KING,
AND TAKE OVER
THE ENTIRE KINGDOM!
HA HA! AHEM.
WHAT ARE YOU
GOING TO DO
WITH ME?
LET'S JUST
CONSIDER THIS--
A CLOSE SHAVE.
OH, GOOD.
A VERYCLOSE SHAVE.
A-HA! A-HA HA!
AAH!
♪ RAPUNZEL, RAPUNZEL,
LET DOWN YOUR HAIR ♪
♪ THAT I MAY CLIMB
ET CETERA ♪
HI, THERE,
DREAM THING.
WHERE'S RAPUNZEL?
I SENT HER
ON A NICE NATURE STROLL
THROUGH DEVIL'S FOREST.
SHE'LL BE LOST FOREVER.
DO YOU THINK
I'M HEARTLESS?
THERE'S AN EXCELLENT CHANCE
SHE'LL BE EATEN
BY WILD ANIMALS.
RAPUNZEL.
OH, FORGET ABOUT HER.
WHAT HAS SHE GOT
THAT I HAVEN'T GOT?
CERTAINLY NOT HAIR.
MARRY ME, SNOOKUMS.
WITH MY PROPERTY
AND YOUR ROYALTY,
WE'LL RULE THE KINGDOM.
MARRY YOU?
YOU'RE PUTRID,
SLIMY, AND EVIL.
I'LL GROW ON YOU.
LIKE RINGWORM.
I'M OFF TO FIND
MY TRUE LOVE.
WAIT!
NO MAN DUMPS ME.
ACTUALLY,
EVERY MAN DUMPS ME,
BUT I GET ALWAYS GET
BACK AT THEM.
WHOA!
THAT WILL TEACH YOU!
AH HA! AH HA!
OH, I'VE GOT
TO GET A LIFE.
OHH!
MY GLASSES!
I'M BLIND
WITHOUT THEM.
HELP ME!
SOMEBODY!
I'VE GOT TO FIND
RAPUNZEL.
RAPUNZEL!
RAPUNZEL!
RAPUNZEL!
RAPUNZEL!
RAPUNZEL!
RAPUNZEL!
RAPUNZEL!
RAPUNZEL?
ARRGH!
NOT RAPUNZEL.
♪ RAPUNZEL, RAPUNZEL,
YOU NEED A MAP ♪
♪ THE WITCH SET YOU UP
ON A BUM RAP ♪
♪ RAPUNZEL, RAPUNZEL,
YOU'RE IN DESPAIR ♪
♪ YOU'RE OUT OF LUCK,
AND YOU'RE OUT OF HAIR ♪
RAPUNZEL!
PRINCE.
PRINCE.
HERE, PRINCE.
HERE, PRINCE.
MY HAIR!
I CAN'T LET HIM
SEE ME LIKE THIS!
I'M COMING.
IS THAT YOU, RAPUNZEL?
OH, NO! IT'S ME,
IRMA THE TALKING TREE.
YOU SOUND
JUST LIKE MY BELOVED
AND BAD RAPPER
SWEETHEART RAPUNZEL.
WHAT'S WRONG?
YOU ACT LIKE YOU
CAN'T SEE A THING,
NOT EVEN
A TERRIBLE HAIRCUT.
THE WITCH DROPPED ME
FROM HER TOWER
AND BROKE MY GLASSES.
OH, MY POOR DARLING.
IRMA,
I HARDLY KNOW YOU.
IT'S ME, RAPUNZEL.
RAPUNZEL THANK GOODNESS
I'VE FOUND YOU!
LET'S GET OUT OF HERE!
OHH!
OOH! SORRY, IRMA.
THIS IS TERRIBLE!
YOU CAN'T SEE,
AND I DON'T KNOW
WHERE WE ARE,
AND WE'RE DOOMED!
DON'T CRY, MY SWEET.
CRY, WOMAN!
CRY YOUR LITTLE
HEART OUT.
I CAN SEE!
YOUR TEARS HAVE GIVEN ME
PERFECT VISION.
OH, THAT.
IT RUNS
IN THE FAMILY.
OUR TEARS HAVE
CORRECTED VISION
FOR GENERATIONS.
EYE DOCTORS
HATE US.
OH, MY HAIR!
NO. IT'S
ALL RIGHT. LOOK!
AH HA!
WE'VE GOT TO STOP
THE WITCH
BEFORE SHE TAKES OVER
EVERYTHING.
I'VE BEEN THINKING.
COULDN'T YOU CREATE
SOME SORT OF...
Both: FEDERAL
COMMUNICATIONS
COMMISSION?
I KNOW,
BUT MY DAD WON'T DO IT.
WE'LL HAVE TO GO
RIGHT TO THE PEOPLE.
RIGHT ON.
POWER TO THE PEOPLE!
POWER TO THE PEOPLE!
♪ THE PEOPLE
HAVE THE POWER ♪
♪ TO STOP
THE WITCH'S TOWER ♪
♪ FROM GROWING
BY THE HOUR ♪
♪ AND WE WON'T LOSE
♪ TO GET THE
KING'S PERMISSION ♪
♪ TO MAKE
A NEW COMMISSION ♪
♪ AND START
A NEW TRADITION ♪
♪ THE RIGHT
TO CHOO-CHOO ♪
♪ CHOO-CHOO
♪ CH-CH-CHOO
♪ CH-CH-CHOO
♪ CH-CH-CHOOSE
YEAH!
YEAH!
YEAH!
WELL, THERE THEY GO AGAIN.
WELL, YOU FOUGHT
LONG AND HARD,
AND YOUR KING HAS HEARD YOU.
I HEREBY DECREE
THAT THE WITCH MAY OWN
JUST ONE
LOCAL TV STATION.
I ALSO PROCLAIM
THE FORMATION
OF THREE TV NETWORKS.
PLEASE MEET THE HEADS
OF THESE NETWORKS.
BRANDON TARTERBLANK.
BRANDON STUBBORN.
AND JUST PLAIN BRANDON.
AND FINALLY, WELL,
I ANNOUNCE THE FORMATION
OF THE FEDERAL
COMMUNICATIONS COMMISSION
TO MAKE SURE
THAT NOBODY EVER TRIES
TO TAKE CONTROL OF TV
OR RADIO AGAIN.
[CHEERING]
I'M RUINED.
MAX, I'M READY
FOR MY CLOSE-UP NOW.
YES, MADAM.
[SCREAMING]
THE NEW COMMISSION
HAS COME UP
WITH A FEW RULES
AND REGULATIONS.
♪ RAPUNZEL, RAPUNZEL
♪ LET DOWN THE RULES
♪ SO THOSE IN CHARGE
WON'T LOOK LIKE FOOLS ♪
HO HO HO.
OOF.
THANKS
TO THE NEW RULES,
FROM NOW ON
TV WILL BE
ENTERTAINING,
EDUCATIONAL,
AND HIGH QUALITY
FOREVER!
HEY, POSTAL GEISTS.
IT'S TIME FOR ANOTHER LETTER
FROM THE MAILBAG.
"DEAR ALF, I'M 6 MONTHS OLD
AND FILLED WITH DESPAIR.
"WHEN I TRY
TO MAKE CONVERSATION
WITH MY PEERS,
"THEY SPIT UP.
"AND THEY CERTAINLY DON'T
"SHARE MY ENTHUSIASM
FOR BARYSHNIKOV.
"MY PARENTS ARE NO BETTER.
"LAST WEEK
I GREETED THEM IN LATIN,
"THEY RAN IN HORROR
AND CALLED IN AN EXORCIST.
"HERE'S MY QUESTION--
"I'VE DISCOVERED
A THEORETICAL WAY
"TO BRIDGE TIME AND SPACE.
"SHOULD I TELL THE WORLD,
"OR AM I JUST ASKING
FOR TROUBLE?
SIGNED WITTY BITTY BABY."
DEAR WITTY,
NOBODY LIKES
A SMART-MOUTH KID.
I'VE GOT LOTS
TO OFFER, TOO,
LIKE HOW TO SUCK
THE CREAM OUT OF A TWINKIE
WITHOUT OPENING
THE PACKAGE,
BUT THE WORLD
JUST ISN'T READY
FOR CERTAIN CONCEPTS.
BEFORE YOU DISCOVER
THE FOURTH DIMENSION,
DISCOVER THE POTTY.
WELL, THAT'S ALL
WE HAVE TIME AND SPACE FOR.
SEE YOU NEXT WEEK.
BABY.
♪ GORDON, SEND US
♪ OH, SEND US
♪ INTO OUTER SPACE
♪ OUTER SPACE
♪ 'CAUSE THERE AIN'T
NOBODY LIKE YOU ♪
♪ IN THE MELMACKIAN RACE
♪ TEACH US, GORDON...
HA! I KILL ME!