ALF Tales (1988–1990): Season 1, Episode 6 - The Aladdin Brothers - full transcript
In this ALF Tales episode, ALF and his friends retell the story of Aladdin.
WITH...
CAPTIONING MADE POSSIBLE BY
LIONS GATE HOME ENTERTAINMENT
WELL, CLORISSA,
I THINK WE CAN FIND YOU
A SMALL PART
IN THIS PICTURE.
REALLY?
OH, MR. SKIP.
PLEASE,
CALL ME SKIPPO.
WE'LL TALK LATER
ABOUT AN AUDITION.
YOU'RE ON, SKIP!
TODAY'S EPISODE IS
ENTITLED
THE ALADDIN BROTHERS
AND THEIR LAMP.
AS THE STAR
OF THE STORY--
SORRY I'M LATE.
I WAS TAKING A NAP.
I THOUGHT
I SET MY ALARM CLOCK.
YOU DID, BOY,
BUT I TURNED IT OFF.
YOU TURNED IT OFF?
I'VE BEEN WORRIED
ABOUT YOU, BOY.
YOU'VE BEEN
WORKING TOO HARD.
OK, ST. SKIPPY,
SIT DOWN.
ZIGGY AND ROY ALADDIN
TOOK THEIR
SONG-AND-DANCE ACT
ALL OVER AMERICA.
WHEN THEY PERFORMED,
AUDIENCES WENT CRAZY.
SO THE ALADDIN BROTHERS
WENT TO EUROPE
WHERE THEY TURNED OUT
TO BE IN GREAT DEMAND.
THE ALADDINS DECIDED
TO RUN FOR COVER--
I MEAN, HEAD
FOR THE MAGIC MYSTICAL
MIDDLE EAST.
THE ALADDIN BROTHERS
FIGHT SOMETIMES,
BUT THROUGH IT ALL
THEY STICK TOGETHER.
DEEP DOWN
EACH KNOWS THE OTHER
WOULD DO ANYTHING
FOR HIM,
A LOT LIKE SKIP AND ME.
ON THE BUTTON,
BOSOM BUDDY.
SPEAKING OF THAT, PAL,
I WANT TO TALK TO YOU
ABOUT A FRIEND OF MINE.
SHE'S A VERY
PROMISING ACTRESS,
IMMENSELY TALENTED.
OLIVIER CALLED HER
A GENIUS.
OH, SKIPPY,
THANKS EVER SO
FOR GIVING ME
THIS RAD PART.
LOOK OUT MERYL STREEP.
OH. OH, WATER.
WATER. WATER.
"LET'S GO TO
THE MIDDLE EAST,"
YOU SAID.
"DESERT CLIMATE,"
YOU SAID.
"FRESH AIR," YOU SAID.
WHY, I OUGHT TO...
DID YOU SAY,
"WATER?"
WHERE? WHERE?
GET A GRIP.
THERE'S
NO WATER HERE.
OH, YEAH?
WELL, I HEARD THAT
PEOPLE ARE 97% WATER.
I'M GOING TO WRING YOU OUT
INTO A GLASS.
WHOA!
WHOA!
WHOA!
WHOA!
WHOA!
UGH!
AAH!
UMPH!
UNH!
NOW I KNOW I'M
GOING HEAT-HAPPY.
IT'S 120 DEGREES,
AND I'VE GOT ON
A CAMEL-HAIR SWEATER.
[GRRR]
THAT'S NO
CARDIGAN, MAN.
THAT'S SOMEBODY'S
DROMEDARY.
REFRESH YOURSELVES,
MY FRIENDS.
YEAH!
YEAH!
AH!
AH!
[BURPS]
FRIEND,
YOU SAVED OUR LIVES.
WE'RE
THE ALADDIN BROTHERS,
ZIGGY AND ROY.
WE SING,
WE DANCE,
WE DELIVER
SNAPPY PATTER
WITH A HINT
OF WHIMSY.
I AM BUT A LOWLY
TRAVELING MAGICIAN.
LOWLY SHMOLLY.
WE OWE YOU ONE.
AND THE ALADDIN
BROTHERS PAY THEIR DEBTS.
ACTUALLY,
THERE IS SOMETHING
YOU CAN DO FOR ME.
IT IS A SIMPLE TASK.
WE'RE REALLY VERY BUSY.
ANY OTHER TIME.
I CAN REWARD YOU
GENEROUSLY.
TOO HAPPY
TO HELP OUT.
ANYTHING WE CAN DO.
[RUMBLING]
YIKES!
HOLD THE PHONE,
BLACK STONE.
WHAT'S THAT DOIN'
IN THAT DUNE?
BEHIND THIS DOOR
THERE IS A CORRIDOR.
AT THE END
SITS AN OLD LAMP.
BRING ME THE LAMP,
AND THE REWARD IS YOURS.
I SENSE A CATCH.
WHAT CATCH?
DON'T TOUCH ANYTHING
IN THE CORRIDOR,
OR YOU'LL DIE...
INSTANTLY!
THAT CATCH.
THAT CATCH.
THERE IS NO DANGER
IFYOU'RE CAREFUL.
PERSONALLY,
I'D LOVE TO GO,
BUT WHAT WITH MY
OLD TRICK KNEE,
MY OLD
TRICK BACK,
MY OLD TRICK--
ENOUGH WITH THE OLD TRICKS,
DOUG HENNING.
I'LL GO.
I'M THE STAR.
WHOA!
NOW, ALL I HAVE TO DO
IS NOT TOUCH THE WALLS
TO COLLECT BIG BUCKS
AND AVOID INSTANT DEATH.
NO PROBLEM.
KITTY BLASTERS.
MY FAVORITE.
MAYBE IT'S A TRICK.
ZIGGY,
GIVE YOUR MOTHER
A BIG HUG.
SORRY, MOM.
WHA--?
IN THE WORDS OF
THE STATUE OF LIBERTY--
I'LL TAKE THIS LAMP RIGHT
THROUGH THAT GOLDEN DOOR...
OR SOMETHING LIKE THAT.
WELL, THAT WAS EASY.
WHA--?
[RUMBLING]
YEOW!
RRARR!
AAH!
RRARR!
WHOA!
HEY!
HAUL ME UP!
HAND ME THE LAMP FIRST.
[THUD]
FIRST WE WANT
TO MAKE A NEW DEAL.
WHAT DEAL?
I WILL SEAL
THIS DOOR FOREVER.
HE'LL DIE
A WRETCHED DEATH.
I DON'T LIKE THAT DEAL.
TAKE THE LAMP.
HE WILL SHRIVEL
WITH THIRST,
HE WILL BLOAT
WITH HUNGER,
HE WILL FRY.
YOU DON'T SCARE US.
HE SCARES US.
HE SCARES US!
VERY WELL...
TRY THIS NEW DEAL.
WELL, I GUESS
WE SHOWED HIM.
"LET'S MAKE
A NEW DEAL,"
YOU SAID.
"LET'S NEGOTIATE,"
YOU SAID.
"HE DOESN'T SCARE
US," YOU SAID.
I GOT US THE LAMP,
DIDN'T I?
THAT AND A BULLDOZER
WILL GET US
OUT OF HERE.
SAY, THERE'S WRITING
ON THIS THING.
"1. GRASP FIRMLY.
"2. POINT AWAY
FROM THE EYES. 3."
SAY, JUNIOR...
HOLD IT. I CAN
ALMOST MAKE IT OUT.
IT SAYS, "RUB LAMP
AND STAND BACK."
THAT'S WHAT I'M TRYING
TO TELL YOU--
PERUSE THOSE
PYROTECHNICS.
HERE'S GENIE!
[COUGH COUGH]
NEXT TIME I'LL
ASK FOR NONSMOKING.
SAY, FELLA,
ARE YOU A GENIE?
NO, CAMEL-BREATH.
I JUST HAVE
A VERY TALL BOO-BOO
ON MY HEAD.
HA HA.
BOY, YOU KNOW,
I'M REALLY GLAD TO
BE OUT OF THAT LAMP.
I WAS IN THERE
FOR A LONG TIME.
Audience: HOW LONG WAS IT?
IT WAS SO LONG
THAT MY VIDEO CLUB
LIFETIME MEMBERSHIP
EXPIRED...
THREE TIMES.
BUT SERIOUSLY,
AN EVIL MAN
IMPRISONED ME
MANY YEARS AGO,
AND I THANK YOU
FOR SETTING ME FREE.
I NOW MUST FULFILL
YOUR EVERY WISH.
I'LL TAKE A BOAT,
A CAR, AND A MILLION BUCKS.
EASY ON THE AVARICE,
AMIGO.
WE SHOULD SET
AN EXAMPLE FOR
THE KIDS AT HOME.
OH, YEAH. I'D LIKE
A MILLION DOLLARS...
DONATED TO WORTHY CAUSES.
NOW, DON'T YOU
FEEL BETTER?
I'D FEEL BETTER
IF WE CAN GET
OUT OF THIS HOLE
IN THE GROUND.
WE NEED
FOOD, LODGING,
AND AN AUDIENCE
WITH LOW EXPECTATIONS.
YOU'RE IN LUCK
BECAUSE WE ARE NEAR
TO THE WONDROUS
AND MYSTICAL CITY
OF SIBOYGAN.
HOW DO WE GET THERE?
WELL, YOU TAKE THE
SAN DIEGO FREEWAY
TO SLAUSON CUTOFF
AND THEN YOU TAKE--
NEVER MIND
THE DIRECTIONS.
JUST DO THAT VOODOO
THAT YOU DO SO WELL.
ANYTHING YOU SAY,
O MASTER.
WHOA!
WHOA!
WHOEVER INSTALLED
THIS CARPET
SKIMPED ON THE TACKS.
IT COULD USE A
LITTLE MORE PADDING.
YEAH.
LIKE 35,000 FEET.
THIS IS SOME CRAZY PLACE.
HEY, DIG
THE PIED PIPER.
REMINDS ME
OF OUR AGENT.
HE'S A BASKET CASE, TOO.
[FANFARE]
WHY RUSH DOWN
THE ALLEY, BABA?
THE PRINCESS
CASBAH AL BOUDOIR
IS COMING.
SHE IS THE MOST
BEAUTIFUL WOMAN
IN ALL THE LAND.
AND YOU'RE RUNNING AWAY?
NO COMMONER MAY LOOK
UPON THE PRINCESS.
THE PENALTY'S DEATH.
RACE YOU TO KUWAIT.
SO WHO DOES GET TO CAST
HIS BABY BLUES
ON THIS ROYAL BABE?
HUNDREDS OF PRINCES
LINE UP EVERY DAY
TO BEG FOR HER HAND.
SAY, HOW COME YOU TWO
KNOW SO MUCH?
WE'RE THE WRITERS.
WE'D BETTER
GET OUT OF SIGHT.
IF SHE LIFTS HER VEIL...
THEY CAN'T
DO THAT TO US.
WE'VE GOT
THREE SEQUELS LINED UP.
BUT WHY TAKE CHANCES?
WOW.
OH, FOR THE TOUCH
OF YOUR HAND.
THE VISE-LIKE TOUCH
OF YOUR HAND.
GOING HEAVY ON THE BARBELLS,
AREN'T WE, PRECIOUS?
THIS DOG HAS LOOKED
UPON THE COUNTENANCE
OF THE PRINCESS.
AND THIS
IS HIS ACCOMPLICE.
YOU HAVE THE RIGHT
TO REMAIN SILENT.
ANYTHING YOU SAY
MAY BE USED AGAINST YOU
BY A GUY
WITH A BIG AX.
DO YOU HAVE
A LAST REQUEST?
YES.
CAN WE GET THOSE WRITERS
BACK IN HERE
TO TAKE ANOTHER LOOK AT
THIS PART OF THE STORY?
"CLOSE THE SHOP,"
YOU SAID.
"SELL THE HOUSE,"
YOU SAID.
"BUY A TICKET
TO THE MIDEAST,"
YOU--
HOLD ON, BOSOM BUDDY.
YOU'RE THE ONE
WHO LOST HIS HEART
AND OUR HEADS.
HEY, ROY,
LOOKY HERE.
THE LAMP--
OUR TICKET OUT OF HERE.
BUT HOW DO WE
GET IT TO US?
HEY, YOU REMEMBER
ROUTINE SEVEN?
ROUTINE SEVEN!
OH, YEAH.
GOOD IDEA.
IT'S A SHAME THAT
OUR CAVE FULL OF TREASURE
IS SITTING THERE
UNGUARDED.
SACKS OF GOLD
AND PILES OF CASH.
I'D FEEL BETTER IF I KNEW
SOMEBODY WAS PROTECTING IT
FROM THIEVES.
MAYBE I CAN HELP.
MAYBE YOU CAN.MAYBE YOU CAN.
BUT WE HAVE
TO TELL YOU
THE SECRET PASSWORD
THAT OPENS
THE CAVE DOOR.
HERE'S THE PASSWORD.
PATT-A-CAKE, PATT-A-CAKE,
BAKER'S MAN.
KAREEM ABDUL-JABBAR
AND SIM-SALLE...BAM!
HOW YOU COMING
WITH THAT LOCK?
DON'T RUSH ME, BOY.
I WON'T,
BUT THEY WILL.
OOH, EASY
ON THE RUBBING.
YOU ALMOST GAVE ME
AN INDIAN BURN.
SORRY. WE NEED
YOUR HELP FAST.
CAN YOU DO SOMETHING
ABOUT THE STAMPEDE?
OH, YOU'RE SO COOL.
[CHATTERING]
WELL, I'M GLAD WE'RE
HOMEWARD BOUND.
NOT ME.
I'M IN LOVE
WITH THE PRINCESS.
COME ON, I KNOW
PLENTY OF PRINCESSES
BACK IN THE STATES.
THEY GOT NICE
LONG FINGERNAILS
AND RICH DADDIES.
SORRY, ROY.
I GOT TO TRY
TO MAKE HER MINE,
EVEN IF IT MEANS...
BUT WE HAVE
THE LAMP.
THE WORLD IS OUR
BLUE POINT.
IT'S YOURS.
OH, ZIG,
I COULDN'T.
IT'S YOUR LAMP.
YOU SHOULD
HAVE IT.
PLEASE,
TAKE IT BACK.
PLEASE.
NO, IT'S TOTALLY
BAD.
NO, KEEP IT.
I INSIST.
WELL, IF YOU INSIST.
OK.
GOOD LUCK, AMIGO.
I HOPE I SEE
THE PRINCESS
BEFORE SHE'S
SUCKERED IN BY ONE
OF THESE SCHLEMIELS.
I AM PRINCE
ABU-BEN BOOVY.
IF YOUR DAUGHTER
SHOULD CONSENT
TO MARRY ME,
SHE'LL RECEIVE
THE FOLLOWING--
YOU'LL HONEYMOON
AT THE FABULOUS FLAME HOTEL
IN CAIRO, EGYPT,
THEN YOU'LL RETURN,
VIA NILE AIRWAYS,
TO YOUR NEW DREAM PALACE
IN BAGHDAD, IRAQ.
ABU.
OUR REGRETS, PRINCE,
BUT WE ARE DEEPLY GRATEFUL
FOR YOUR APPEARANCE.
GET A LOAD
OF THESE GUYS.
WHAT A PACK
OF JOKERS.
TURN AROUND.
YOU DON'T HAVE
ANY LINES
IN THIS CARTOON.
THAT'S ENOUGH
FOR TODAY.
THANK YOU.
AW!
AW!
OHH.
PARDON ME.
WOW.
UH, YOUR SULTANTY,
I'VE GOT TO MARRY
YOUR DAUGHTER.
HMM.
WHAT HAVE YOU
TO OFFER?
OFFER?
UH...GUM?
[GASP]
SULTY, ALL I'VE GOT
IS MY LOVE.
IN MY COUNTRY,
THAT'S CONSIDERED
A PRETTY GOOD
WEDDING GIFT.
YOUR MAJESTY?
YES, ROYAL MAGICIAN?
WITH YOUR
GRACIOUS PERMISSION,
I BELIEVE I CAN
HELP THIS PRINCE
FIND A WORTHY GIFT
FOR HER HIGHNESS.
YOU'RE THE GUY
FROM ACT ONE.
WHERE'S THE MAGIC LAMP?
I DON'T HAVE IT.
YOU WANT SOME GUM?
SO, YOU'D RATHER
DO THIS THE HARD WAY.
I DIDN'T
SAY THAT.
WHEN DID
YOU ASK ME THAT?
I WANT
THE EASY WAY.
THIS MAN IS NOT ROYALTY.
HE HAS LOOKED UPON
THE FACE OF THE PRINCESS.
HE MUST DIE!
HEE HEE HEE!
WAIT!
I BEG YOU NOT TO HARM
THIS COMMONER.
SURE. LET'S
IGNORE THE LAW.
LET'S RUN WILD
IN THE STREETS,
AND TEAR OFF
OUR CLOTHES,
AND PARK
IN RED ZONES!
HE'S RIGHT.
WE MUST UPHOLD THE LAW.
THERE'S NEVER
A STUNT DOUBLE
AROUND
WHEN YOU NEED ONE.
HOLD THE PHONE!
WHAT ARE YOU
DOING HERE?
YOU THINK I'D LET YOU
PLAY THE PALACE
WITHOUT ME?
WELL, I'M NOT GOING OVER
AS A SOLO.
REMEMBER
ROUTINE SIX?
YOU'RE RIGHT, ROY.
WE MADE A DEAL
WITH HIM,
AND A DEAL'S A DEAL.
NOW YOU'RE
TALKING SENSE,
ZIG BOY.
NOW, YOU PROMISED A REWARD,
REMEMBER?
YOU'LL GET EVERYTHING
YOU DESERVE.
MAGICIAN,
BRING ME THAT LAMP.
SHUT UP, PORKY.
I NOW HAVE
ULTIMATE POWER!
YOU, MY BEAUTY,
I SHALL MAKE
MY PERSONAL SLAVE.
AND YOU, JUMBO JERK,
I SHALL DESTROY.
SIBOYGAN IS MINE!
MINE! MINE!
[YAWN]
YOU JUST WATCH.
I'M GOING
TO DO ALL THAT...
WHAT I SAID.
YOU'RE POWERLESS
AGAINST ME.
OOH, I'M HELPLESS,
WHAT, WITH THE BLINDING
GLEAM OFF THAT LAMP
YOU'VE POLISHED,
I CAN'T DO A THING.
SEIZE HIM!
YOU TRICKED ME.
WHERE IS THE GENIE?
ROUTINE SIX--
THE OLD SWITCHEROO.
GREETINGS,
SPHINX-BREATH.
YOU KNOW HIM?
THIS IS THE BOZO
WHO IMPRISONED ME
IN THE LAMP
ALL THOSE YEARS AGO.
MAY A WEIRD HOLY MAN
TIE YOUR TURBAN
TO A LOVE-CRAZED
CAMEL.
YOU CANNOT HARM ME.
I SHALL DESTROY YOU ALL.
YOU ARE HELPLESS
AGAINST ME.
HEE HEE HEE!
TAKE HIM AWAY.
I'LL GIVE YOUR ANKLES
SUCH A BITE.
THANK YOU
FOR SAVING OUR KINGDOM.
SINCE YOU HAVE A GENIE,
AND WE HAVE A VACANCY,
PERHAPS
YOU WOULD CONSIDER BECOMING
OUR NEW ROYAL MAGICIANS.
WE'D BE PLEASED
AS PUNCH,
YOUR POTENTATE.
OF COURSE,
A ROYAL MAGICIAN
IS QUALIFIED TO MARRY
A ROYAL PRINCESS.
I FEEL A HAPPY ENDING
COMING ON.
[WEDDING RECESSIONAL PLAYS]
...IN THE BOND
OF MATRIMONY.
THE RING, PLEASE.
OH, THE RING.
I NOW PRONOUNCE YOU
HUSBAND AND WIFE.
YOU MAY KISS THE BRIDE.
WHAT'S GOING ON
AROUND HERE?
I'M ALWAYS THE ONE
WHO GETS THE GIRL.
HE'S BEEN STRIP-MINING
MY TERRITORY ALL EPISODE.
DON'T ASK ME
ABOUT WOMAN PROBLEMS,
MASTER.
I'VE HAD SIX WIVES.
WELL, THERE'S ONLY
ONE THING TO DO.
ALL RIGHT, JUST HOLD IT.
OH, CLORISSA.
CLORISSA!
NOW, MR. SHUMWAY?
NOW, CLORISSA.
OH, ZIGGY,
I LOVE YOU.
I ADORE YOU.
MARRY ME AND MAKE
LIFE WORTH LIVING.
I GAVE HER
A BIGGER PART.
OK, FRIEND,
FROM THE TOP.
DEARLY BELOVED,
WE ARE GATHERED
HERE TODAY--
UGH, AGAIN--
TO UNITE IN WEDLOCK
THIS MAN
AND THIS WOMAN.
THERE'LL BE
A SMORGASBORD
IN THE OASIS ROOM
IN TEN MINUTES.
I'VE GOT DIBS
ON THE KITTEN TARTAR.
I NOW PRONOUNCE YOU
MAN AND WIFE.
HI.
TIME AGAIN
FOR THE MAIL BAG.
"DEAR ALF, I WANT
TO WRITE YOU A LETTER,
"BUT I DON'T KNOW
WHAT TO SAY.
"COULD YOU
PLEASE TELL ME?
SIGNED, LIZ BETSY,
ELIZABETH, OHIO."
DEAR, LIZ,
WHAT A PERFECT OPPORTUNITY
TO PRESENT ALF'S
LETTER-WRITING TIPS
FOR FANS
AND OTHER WORSHIPERS.
ONE--TELL ME I'M CUTER
THAN MICHAEL J. FOX.
TWO--TELL ME I'M CUTER
THAN KIRK CAMERON.
THREE--TELL ME I'M CUTER
THAN JASON BATEMAN.
FOUR--TWO TRAINS ARE
TRAVELING TOWARD EACH OTHER
AT 90 MPH.
HOW MUCH TIME DO
THE PASSENGERS HAVE
TO JUMP OFF?
SEE, I THREW
THAT LAST ONE IN
TO REMIND YOU
THAT TV CAN
ALSO BE EDUCATIONAL.
THAT'S ALL FOR ALF'S
MAILBAG THIS TIME.
KEEP THOSE FICTITIOUS
CARDS AND LETTERS COMING IN.
♪ GORDON, SEND US
♪ OH, SEND US
♪ INTO OUTER SPACE
♪ OUTER SPACE
♪ 'CAUSE THERE AIN'T
NOBODY LIKE YOU ♪
♪ IN THE MELMACKIAN RACE
♪ TEACH US, GORDON...
HA! I KILL ME!
CAPTIONING MADE POSSIBLE BY
LIONS GATE HOME ENTERTAINMENT
WELL, CLORISSA,
I THINK WE CAN FIND YOU
A SMALL PART
IN THIS PICTURE.
REALLY?
OH, MR. SKIP.
PLEASE,
CALL ME SKIPPO.
WE'LL TALK LATER
ABOUT AN AUDITION.
YOU'RE ON, SKIP!
TODAY'S EPISODE IS
ENTITLED
THE ALADDIN BROTHERS
AND THEIR LAMP.
AS THE STAR
OF THE STORY--
SORRY I'M LATE.
I WAS TAKING A NAP.
I THOUGHT
I SET MY ALARM CLOCK.
YOU DID, BOY,
BUT I TURNED IT OFF.
YOU TURNED IT OFF?
I'VE BEEN WORRIED
ABOUT YOU, BOY.
YOU'VE BEEN
WORKING TOO HARD.
OK, ST. SKIPPY,
SIT DOWN.
ZIGGY AND ROY ALADDIN
TOOK THEIR
SONG-AND-DANCE ACT
ALL OVER AMERICA.
WHEN THEY PERFORMED,
AUDIENCES WENT CRAZY.
SO THE ALADDIN BROTHERS
WENT TO EUROPE
WHERE THEY TURNED OUT
TO BE IN GREAT DEMAND.
THE ALADDINS DECIDED
TO RUN FOR COVER--
I MEAN, HEAD
FOR THE MAGIC MYSTICAL
MIDDLE EAST.
THE ALADDIN BROTHERS
FIGHT SOMETIMES,
BUT THROUGH IT ALL
THEY STICK TOGETHER.
DEEP DOWN
EACH KNOWS THE OTHER
WOULD DO ANYTHING
FOR HIM,
A LOT LIKE SKIP AND ME.
ON THE BUTTON,
BOSOM BUDDY.
SPEAKING OF THAT, PAL,
I WANT TO TALK TO YOU
ABOUT A FRIEND OF MINE.
SHE'S A VERY
PROMISING ACTRESS,
IMMENSELY TALENTED.
OLIVIER CALLED HER
A GENIUS.
OH, SKIPPY,
THANKS EVER SO
FOR GIVING ME
THIS RAD PART.
LOOK OUT MERYL STREEP.
OH. OH, WATER.
WATER. WATER.
"LET'S GO TO
THE MIDDLE EAST,"
YOU SAID.
"DESERT CLIMATE,"
YOU SAID.
"FRESH AIR," YOU SAID.
WHY, I OUGHT TO...
DID YOU SAY,
"WATER?"
WHERE? WHERE?
GET A GRIP.
THERE'S
NO WATER HERE.
OH, YEAH?
WELL, I HEARD THAT
PEOPLE ARE 97% WATER.
I'M GOING TO WRING YOU OUT
INTO A GLASS.
WHOA!
WHOA!
WHOA!
WHOA!
WHOA!
UGH!
AAH!
UMPH!
UNH!
NOW I KNOW I'M
GOING HEAT-HAPPY.
IT'S 120 DEGREES,
AND I'VE GOT ON
A CAMEL-HAIR SWEATER.
[GRRR]
THAT'S NO
CARDIGAN, MAN.
THAT'S SOMEBODY'S
DROMEDARY.
REFRESH YOURSELVES,
MY FRIENDS.
YEAH!
YEAH!
AH!
AH!
[BURPS]
FRIEND,
YOU SAVED OUR LIVES.
WE'RE
THE ALADDIN BROTHERS,
ZIGGY AND ROY.
WE SING,
WE DANCE,
WE DELIVER
SNAPPY PATTER
WITH A HINT
OF WHIMSY.
I AM BUT A LOWLY
TRAVELING MAGICIAN.
LOWLY SHMOLLY.
WE OWE YOU ONE.
AND THE ALADDIN
BROTHERS PAY THEIR DEBTS.
ACTUALLY,
THERE IS SOMETHING
YOU CAN DO FOR ME.
IT IS A SIMPLE TASK.
WE'RE REALLY VERY BUSY.
ANY OTHER TIME.
I CAN REWARD YOU
GENEROUSLY.
TOO HAPPY
TO HELP OUT.
ANYTHING WE CAN DO.
[RUMBLING]
YIKES!
HOLD THE PHONE,
BLACK STONE.
WHAT'S THAT DOIN'
IN THAT DUNE?
BEHIND THIS DOOR
THERE IS A CORRIDOR.
AT THE END
SITS AN OLD LAMP.
BRING ME THE LAMP,
AND THE REWARD IS YOURS.
I SENSE A CATCH.
WHAT CATCH?
DON'T TOUCH ANYTHING
IN THE CORRIDOR,
OR YOU'LL DIE...
INSTANTLY!
THAT CATCH.
THAT CATCH.
THERE IS NO DANGER
IFYOU'RE CAREFUL.
PERSONALLY,
I'D LOVE TO GO,
BUT WHAT WITH MY
OLD TRICK KNEE,
MY OLD
TRICK BACK,
MY OLD TRICK--
ENOUGH WITH THE OLD TRICKS,
DOUG HENNING.
I'LL GO.
I'M THE STAR.
WHOA!
NOW, ALL I HAVE TO DO
IS NOT TOUCH THE WALLS
TO COLLECT BIG BUCKS
AND AVOID INSTANT DEATH.
NO PROBLEM.
KITTY BLASTERS.
MY FAVORITE.
MAYBE IT'S A TRICK.
ZIGGY,
GIVE YOUR MOTHER
A BIG HUG.
SORRY, MOM.
WHA--?
IN THE WORDS OF
THE STATUE OF LIBERTY--
I'LL TAKE THIS LAMP RIGHT
THROUGH THAT GOLDEN DOOR...
OR SOMETHING LIKE THAT.
WELL, THAT WAS EASY.
WHA--?
[RUMBLING]
YEOW!
RRARR!
AAH!
RRARR!
WHOA!
HEY!
HAUL ME UP!
HAND ME THE LAMP FIRST.
[THUD]
FIRST WE WANT
TO MAKE A NEW DEAL.
WHAT DEAL?
I WILL SEAL
THIS DOOR FOREVER.
HE'LL DIE
A WRETCHED DEATH.
I DON'T LIKE THAT DEAL.
TAKE THE LAMP.
HE WILL SHRIVEL
WITH THIRST,
HE WILL BLOAT
WITH HUNGER,
HE WILL FRY.
YOU DON'T SCARE US.
HE SCARES US.
HE SCARES US!
VERY WELL...
TRY THIS NEW DEAL.
WELL, I GUESS
WE SHOWED HIM.
"LET'S MAKE
A NEW DEAL,"
YOU SAID.
"LET'S NEGOTIATE,"
YOU SAID.
"HE DOESN'T SCARE
US," YOU SAID.
I GOT US THE LAMP,
DIDN'T I?
THAT AND A BULLDOZER
WILL GET US
OUT OF HERE.
SAY, THERE'S WRITING
ON THIS THING.
"1. GRASP FIRMLY.
"2. POINT AWAY
FROM THE EYES. 3."
SAY, JUNIOR...
HOLD IT. I CAN
ALMOST MAKE IT OUT.
IT SAYS, "RUB LAMP
AND STAND BACK."
THAT'S WHAT I'M TRYING
TO TELL YOU--
PERUSE THOSE
PYROTECHNICS.
HERE'S GENIE!
[COUGH COUGH]
NEXT TIME I'LL
ASK FOR NONSMOKING.
SAY, FELLA,
ARE YOU A GENIE?
NO, CAMEL-BREATH.
I JUST HAVE
A VERY TALL BOO-BOO
ON MY HEAD.
HA HA.
BOY, YOU KNOW,
I'M REALLY GLAD TO
BE OUT OF THAT LAMP.
I WAS IN THERE
FOR A LONG TIME.
Audience: HOW LONG WAS IT?
IT WAS SO LONG
THAT MY VIDEO CLUB
LIFETIME MEMBERSHIP
EXPIRED...
THREE TIMES.
BUT SERIOUSLY,
AN EVIL MAN
IMPRISONED ME
MANY YEARS AGO,
AND I THANK YOU
FOR SETTING ME FREE.
I NOW MUST FULFILL
YOUR EVERY WISH.
I'LL TAKE A BOAT,
A CAR, AND A MILLION BUCKS.
EASY ON THE AVARICE,
AMIGO.
WE SHOULD SET
AN EXAMPLE FOR
THE KIDS AT HOME.
OH, YEAH. I'D LIKE
A MILLION DOLLARS...
DONATED TO WORTHY CAUSES.
NOW, DON'T YOU
FEEL BETTER?
I'D FEEL BETTER
IF WE CAN GET
OUT OF THIS HOLE
IN THE GROUND.
WE NEED
FOOD, LODGING,
AND AN AUDIENCE
WITH LOW EXPECTATIONS.
YOU'RE IN LUCK
BECAUSE WE ARE NEAR
TO THE WONDROUS
AND MYSTICAL CITY
OF SIBOYGAN.
HOW DO WE GET THERE?
WELL, YOU TAKE THE
SAN DIEGO FREEWAY
TO SLAUSON CUTOFF
AND THEN YOU TAKE--
NEVER MIND
THE DIRECTIONS.
JUST DO THAT VOODOO
THAT YOU DO SO WELL.
ANYTHING YOU SAY,
O MASTER.
WHOA!
WHOA!
WHOEVER INSTALLED
THIS CARPET
SKIMPED ON THE TACKS.
IT COULD USE A
LITTLE MORE PADDING.
YEAH.
LIKE 35,000 FEET.
THIS IS SOME CRAZY PLACE.
HEY, DIG
THE PIED PIPER.
REMINDS ME
OF OUR AGENT.
HE'S A BASKET CASE, TOO.
[FANFARE]
WHY RUSH DOWN
THE ALLEY, BABA?
THE PRINCESS
CASBAH AL BOUDOIR
IS COMING.
SHE IS THE MOST
BEAUTIFUL WOMAN
IN ALL THE LAND.
AND YOU'RE RUNNING AWAY?
NO COMMONER MAY LOOK
UPON THE PRINCESS.
THE PENALTY'S DEATH.
RACE YOU TO KUWAIT.
SO WHO DOES GET TO CAST
HIS BABY BLUES
ON THIS ROYAL BABE?
HUNDREDS OF PRINCES
LINE UP EVERY DAY
TO BEG FOR HER HAND.
SAY, HOW COME YOU TWO
KNOW SO MUCH?
WE'RE THE WRITERS.
WE'D BETTER
GET OUT OF SIGHT.
IF SHE LIFTS HER VEIL...
THEY CAN'T
DO THAT TO US.
WE'VE GOT
THREE SEQUELS LINED UP.
BUT WHY TAKE CHANCES?
WOW.
OH, FOR THE TOUCH
OF YOUR HAND.
THE VISE-LIKE TOUCH
OF YOUR HAND.
GOING HEAVY ON THE BARBELLS,
AREN'T WE, PRECIOUS?
THIS DOG HAS LOOKED
UPON THE COUNTENANCE
OF THE PRINCESS.
AND THIS
IS HIS ACCOMPLICE.
YOU HAVE THE RIGHT
TO REMAIN SILENT.
ANYTHING YOU SAY
MAY BE USED AGAINST YOU
BY A GUY
WITH A BIG AX.
DO YOU HAVE
A LAST REQUEST?
YES.
CAN WE GET THOSE WRITERS
BACK IN HERE
TO TAKE ANOTHER LOOK AT
THIS PART OF THE STORY?
"CLOSE THE SHOP,"
YOU SAID.
"SELL THE HOUSE,"
YOU SAID.
"BUY A TICKET
TO THE MIDEAST,"
YOU--
HOLD ON, BOSOM BUDDY.
YOU'RE THE ONE
WHO LOST HIS HEART
AND OUR HEADS.
HEY, ROY,
LOOKY HERE.
THE LAMP--
OUR TICKET OUT OF HERE.
BUT HOW DO WE
GET IT TO US?
HEY, YOU REMEMBER
ROUTINE SEVEN?
ROUTINE SEVEN!
OH, YEAH.
GOOD IDEA.
IT'S A SHAME THAT
OUR CAVE FULL OF TREASURE
IS SITTING THERE
UNGUARDED.
SACKS OF GOLD
AND PILES OF CASH.
I'D FEEL BETTER IF I KNEW
SOMEBODY WAS PROTECTING IT
FROM THIEVES.
MAYBE I CAN HELP.
MAYBE YOU CAN.MAYBE YOU CAN.
BUT WE HAVE
TO TELL YOU
THE SECRET PASSWORD
THAT OPENS
THE CAVE DOOR.
HERE'S THE PASSWORD.
PATT-A-CAKE, PATT-A-CAKE,
BAKER'S MAN.
KAREEM ABDUL-JABBAR
AND SIM-SALLE...BAM!
HOW YOU COMING
WITH THAT LOCK?
DON'T RUSH ME, BOY.
I WON'T,
BUT THEY WILL.
OOH, EASY
ON THE RUBBING.
YOU ALMOST GAVE ME
AN INDIAN BURN.
SORRY. WE NEED
YOUR HELP FAST.
CAN YOU DO SOMETHING
ABOUT THE STAMPEDE?
OH, YOU'RE SO COOL.
[CHATTERING]
WELL, I'M GLAD WE'RE
HOMEWARD BOUND.
NOT ME.
I'M IN LOVE
WITH THE PRINCESS.
COME ON, I KNOW
PLENTY OF PRINCESSES
BACK IN THE STATES.
THEY GOT NICE
LONG FINGERNAILS
AND RICH DADDIES.
SORRY, ROY.
I GOT TO TRY
TO MAKE HER MINE,
EVEN IF IT MEANS...
BUT WE HAVE
THE LAMP.
THE WORLD IS OUR
BLUE POINT.
IT'S YOURS.
OH, ZIG,
I COULDN'T.
IT'S YOUR LAMP.
YOU SHOULD
HAVE IT.
PLEASE,
TAKE IT BACK.
PLEASE.
NO, IT'S TOTALLY
BAD.
NO, KEEP IT.
I INSIST.
WELL, IF YOU INSIST.
OK.
GOOD LUCK, AMIGO.
I HOPE I SEE
THE PRINCESS
BEFORE SHE'S
SUCKERED IN BY ONE
OF THESE SCHLEMIELS.
I AM PRINCE
ABU-BEN BOOVY.
IF YOUR DAUGHTER
SHOULD CONSENT
TO MARRY ME,
SHE'LL RECEIVE
THE FOLLOWING--
YOU'LL HONEYMOON
AT THE FABULOUS FLAME HOTEL
IN CAIRO, EGYPT,
THEN YOU'LL RETURN,
VIA NILE AIRWAYS,
TO YOUR NEW DREAM PALACE
IN BAGHDAD, IRAQ.
ABU.
OUR REGRETS, PRINCE,
BUT WE ARE DEEPLY GRATEFUL
FOR YOUR APPEARANCE.
GET A LOAD
OF THESE GUYS.
WHAT A PACK
OF JOKERS.
TURN AROUND.
YOU DON'T HAVE
ANY LINES
IN THIS CARTOON.
THAT'S ENOUGH
FOR TODAY.
THANK YOU.
AW!
AW!
OHH.
PARDON ME.
WOW.
UH, YOUR SULTANTY,
I'VE GOT TO MARRY
YOUR DAUGHTER.
HMM.
WHAT HAVE YOU
TO OFFER?
OFFER?
UH...GUM?
[GASP]
SULTY, ALL I'VE GOT
IS MY LOVE.
IN MY COUNTRY,
THAT'S CONSIDERED
A PRETTY GOOD
WEDDING GIFT.
YOUR MAJESTY?
YES, ROYAL MAGICIAN?
WITH YOUR
GRACIOUS PERMISSION,
I BELIEVE I CAN
HELP THIS PRINCE
FIND A WORTHY GIFT
FOR HER HIGHNESS.
YOU'RE THE GUY
FROM ACT ONE.
WHERE'S THE MAGIC LAMP?
I DON'T HAVE IT.
YOU WANT SOME GUM?
SO, YOU'D RATHER
DO THIS THE HARD WAY.
I DIDN'T
SAY THAT.
WHEN DID
YOU ASK ME THAT?
I WANT
THE EASY WAY.
THIS MAN IS NOT ROYALTY.
HE HAS LOOKED UPON
THE FACE OF THE PRINCESS.
HE MUST DIE!
HEE HEE HEE!
WAIT!
I BEG YOU NOT TO HARM
THIS COMMONER.
SURE. LET'S
IGNORE THE LAW.
LET'S RUN WILD
IN THE STREETS,
AND TEAR OFF
OUR CLOTHES,
AND PARK
IN RED ZONES!
HE'S RIGHT.
WE MUST UPHOLD THE LAW.
THERE'S NEVER
A STUNT DOUBLE
AROUND
WHEN YOU NEED ONE.
HOLD THE PHONE!
WHAT ARE YOU
DOING HERE?
YOU THINK I'D LET YOU
PLAY THE PALACE
WITHOUT ME?
WELL, I'M NOT GOING OVER
AS A SOLO.
REMEMBER
ROUTINE SIX?
YOU'RE RIGHT, ROY.
WE MADE A DEAL
WITH HIM,
AND A DEAL'S A DEAL.
NOW YOU'RE
TALKING SENSE,
ZIG BOY.
NOW, YOU PROMISED A REWARD,
REMEMBER?
YOU'LL GET EVERYTHING
YOU DESERVE.
MAGICIAN,
BRING ME THAT LAMP.
SHUT UP, PORKY.
I NOW HAVE
ULTIMATE POWER!
YOU, MY BEAUTY,
I SHALL MAKE
MY PERSONAL SLAVE.
AND YOU, JUMBO JERK,
I SHALL DESTROY.
SIBOYGAN IS MINE!
MINE! MINE!
[YAWN]
YOU JUST WATCH.
I'M GOING
TO DO ALL THAT...
WHAT I SAID.
YOU'RE POWERLESS
AGAINST ME.
OOH, I'M HELPLESS,
WHAT, WITH THE BLINDING
GLEAM OFF THAT LAMP
YOU'VE POLISHED,
I CAN'T DO A THING.
SEIZE HIM!
YOU TRICKED ME.
WHERE IS THE GENIE?
ROUTINE SIX--
THE OLD SWITCHEROO.
GREETINGS,
SPHINX-BREATH.
YOU KNOW HIM?
THIS IS THE BOZO
WHO IMPRISONED ME
IN THE LAMP
ALL THOSE YEARS AGO.
MAY A WEIRD HOLY MAN
TIE YOUR TURBAN
TO A LOVE-CRAZED
CAMEL.
YOU CANNOT HARM ME.
I SHALL DESTROY YOU ALL.
YOU ARE HELPLESS
AGAINST ME.
HEE HEE HEE!
TAKE HIM AWAY.
I'LL GIVE YOUR ANKLES
SUCH A BITE.
THANK YOU
FOR SAVING OUR KINGDOM.
SINCE YOU HAVE A GENIE,
AND WE HAVE A VACANCY,
PERHAPS
YOU WOULD CONSIDER BECOMING
OUR NEW ROYAL MAGICIANS.
WE'D BE PLEASED
AS PUNCH,
YOUR POTENTATE.
OF COURSE,
A ROYAL MAGICIAN
IS QUALIFIED TO MARRY
A ROYAL PRINCESS.
I FEEL A HAPPY ENDING
COMING ON.
[WEDDING RECESSIONAL PLAYS]
...IN THE BOND
OF MATRIMONY.
THE RING, PLEASE.
OH, THE RING.
I NOW PRONOUNCE YOU
HUSBAND AND WIFE.
YOU MAY KISS THE BRIDE.
WHAT'S GOING ON
AROUND HERE?
I'M ALWAYS THE ONE
WHO GETS THE GIRL.
HE'S BEEN STRIP-MINING
MY TERRITORY ALL EPISODE.
DON'T ASK ME
ABOUT WOMAN PROBLEMS,
MASTER.
I'VE HAD SIX WIVES.
WELL, THERE'S ONLY
ONE THING TO DO.
ALL RIGHT, JUST HOLD IT.
OH, CLORISSA.
CLORISSA!
NOW, MR. SHUMWAY?
NOW, CLORISSA.
OH, ZIGGY,
I LOVE YOU.
I ADORE YOU.
MARRY ME AND MAKE
LIFE WORTH LIVING.
I GAVE HER
A BIGGER PART.
OK, FRIEND,
FROM THE TOP.
DEARLY BELOVED,
WE ARE GATHERED
HERE TODAY--
UGH, AGAIN--
TO UNITE IN WEDLOCK
THIS MAN
AND THIS WOMAN.
THERE'LL BE
A SMORGASBORD
IN THE OASIS ROOM
IN TEN MINUTES.
I'VE GOT DIBS
ON THE KITTEN TARTAR.
I NOW PRONOUNCE YOU
MAN AND WIFE.
HI.
TIME AGAIN
FOR THE MAIL BAG.
"DEAR ALF, I WANT
TO WRITE YOU A LETTER,
"BUT I DON'T KNOW
WHAT TO SAY.
"COULD YOU
PLEASE TELL ME?
SIGNED, LIZ BETSY,
ELIZABETH, OHIO."
DEAR, LIZ,
WHAT A PERFECT OPPORTUNITY
TO PRESENT ALF'S
LETTER-WRITING TIPS
FOR FANS
AND OTHER WORSHIPERS.
ONE--TELL ME I'M CUTER
THAN MICHAEL J. FOX.
TWO--TELL ME I'M CUTER
THAN KIRK CAMERON.
THREE--TELL ME I'M CUTER
THAN JASON BATEMAN.
FOUR--TWO TRAINS ARE
TRAVELING TOWARD EACH OTHER
AT 90 MPH.
HOW MUCH TIME DO
THE PASSENGERS HAVE
TO JUMP OFF?
SEE, I THREW
THAT LAST ONE IN
TO REMIND YOU
THAT TV CAN
ALSO BE EDUCATIONAL.
THAT'S ALL FOR ALF'S
MAILBAG THIS TIME.
KEEP THOSE FICTITIOUS
CARDS AND LETTERS COMING IN.
♪ GORDON, SEND US
♪ OH, SEND US
♪ INTO OUTER SPACE
♪ OUTER SPACE
♪ 'CAUSE THERE AIN'T
NOBODY LIKE YOU ♪
♪ IN THE MELMACKIAN RACE
♪ TEACH US, GORDON...
HA! I KILL ME!