ALF Tales (1988–1990): Season 1, Episode 11 - The Three Little Pigs - full transcript
In this ALF Tales episode, ALF and his friends retell the story of the Three Little Pigs.
[ORCHESTRA TUNING UP]
WITH...
CAPTIONING MADE POSSIBLE BY
LIONS GATE HOME ENTERTAINMENT
FOR YOUR CONSIDERATION,
THE HOME OF THE PIGG FAMILY.
THEY'RE ABOUT TO BE VICTIMS
OF ONE BIG, VERY BAD WOLF
WITH A CASE OF HOT AIR
AND A DESIRE TO TAKE IT
OUT ON 3 LITTLE PIGS.
TOMORROW, THE PIGGS'
QUIET EXISTENCE
WILL TAKE A WRONG TURN
DOWN THE OFF-RAMP OF LIFE,
GO 2 BLOCKS PAST
THE BIG RED HOUSE
MARKED "MISFORTUNE,"
AND PULL INTO
AN ALLEY OF TEARS
WHICH LEADS TO
THE DEAD END, KNOW AS
THE ALF TALES ZONE.
GORDON SHUMWAY?
SGT. CAMFRALL,
COMEDY LOGIC SQUAD.
I'M AFRAID YOU'RE
NOT PROPERLY SETTING
UP THE STORY.
THE THREE
LITTLE PIGS
IS A WISTFUL,
ENCHANTED TALE.
IT NEEDS
A STORYBOOK SETUP.
OK, BOYS.
WHAT?
OK, SHUMWAY. READ.
AND MAKE IT GOOD.
MY KIDDIES
ARE WATCHING.
"ONCE UPON A TIME,
"IN THE SMALL TOWN
OF PORKVILLE,
"THERE LIVED A FAMILY
BY THE NAME OF PIGG.
IT WAS MOVING DAY
FOR THE 3 PIGG BOYS."
[CRYING]
I CAN'T BELIEVE
THEY'RE ALL GROWN UP
AND MOVING OUT.
IT SEEMS LIKE ONLY
YESTERDAY WHEN THEY
WERE LITTLE BOYS.
NOW, NOW, THINK OF
THEIR NEW LIVES.
THINK OF THEIR FUTURE,
THINK OF GETTING
INTO THE BATHROOM
WHENEVER YOU WANT TO.
D-DON'T WORRY, MOM.
WE'LL VISIT.
AFTER ALL, SOMEBODY'S
GOT TO DO OUR LAUNDRY.
WELL, THANKS FOR ALL
OF YOUR NURTURING.
WE'LL MISS YOU.
AND WE'LL
MISS YOU, TOO.
YOU HAVEN'T LEFT
ANYTHING BEHIND?
UH-UH.
GOT IT ALL.
SURE THERE'S NOTHING
IN YOUR ROOM?
NADA.
NADA.
NOTHING.
GOOD. OK, MEN.
BRING IT ALL THIS WAY.
PUT IT IN
THE EMPTY ROOM.
AT THE END
OF THE HALL.
SO MUCH FOR
A SHRINE TO MY YOUTH.
HERE WE ARE!
OUT OF THE NEST!
ON OUR OWN.
TO THE T-TOTALLY
INDEPENDENT.
LET'S BUILD OUR
NEW HOME RIGHT HERE.
L-LET'S MAKE IT
OUT OF SOUP CANS.
I SAY WE GO WITH
POPSICLE STICKS.
WHAT K-KIND
OF STUPID IDEA
IS THAT?
GEE, POPSICLE STICKS...
SOUP CANS...
AND ALL ALONG
I WAS THINKING OF BRICKS,
MORTAR AND STEEL GIRDERS.
I GUESS I'M THE STOOP.
I MOVED OUT
SO I COULD LIVE
IN THE KIND
OF HOUSE I LIKE.
AND THAT HOUSE
IS MADE OF
POPSICLE STICKS.
E-EVER SINCE
I WAS A LITTLE BOY,
I-I WANTED
TO LIVE IN A HOUSE
MADE OF SOUP CANS,
AND NOW YOU WANT TO TAKE
THAT DREAM AWAY FROM ME?
YOU KNOW, GUYS,
A NICE STUCCO IS
ALWAYS IN STYLE.
POPSICLE STICKS.
S-SOUP CANS.
STICKS!
CANS!
GUYS, GUYS,
LET'S ALL COMPROMISE
ON SOME FEDERALLY-APPROVED
BUILDING MATERIALS.
WELL, I'M BUILDING
MY HOUSE ON MY OWN.
ME, TOO.
ANYBODY GOT
A NICE CONDO FOR SALE?
WELCOME, WELCOME.
I HAVE SOMETHING
IMPORTANT TO
DISCUSS WITH YOU.
WOLF, I'VE GOT
A BIG JOB FOR YOU.
IF YOU CAN
HANDLE IT.
B.B. WOLF CAN
HANDLE ANYTHING!
GOOD. THERE'S
A RICH OIL FIELD
UNDER SOME
PRIVATE PROPERTY
JUST OUTSIDE
OF TOWN.
THE OWNERS
DON'T KNOW WHAT
THEY'RE SITTING ON.
I WANT YOU TO
GET THEM TO
SIGN THEIR LAND
OVER TO THE CITY--
MAINLY, ME.
AND IF THEY WON'T SIGN?
BLOW THEM AWAY.
RIGHT. JUST LIKE
THE OLD DAYS.
I'LL HUFF,
AND I'LL PUFF...
HERE'S THE ADDRESS.
NOW, LET'S LAUGH AN
EVIL LAUGH TOGETHER
TO SEAL THE DEAL.
[BOTH LAUGH EVILLY]
SO MUCH FOR
FRIENDLY NEIGHBORS.
[SITAR MUSIC PLAYS]
P-PRETTY GROOVY
PAD, HUH?
FAR OUT.
M-MY BROTHERS
DON'T G-GET IT.
CHIP'S INTO
POPSICLE STICKS,
AND ALL ROBBIE THINKS ABOUT
IS BUILDING CODES.
[DOOR BELL RINGS]
HI. B.B. WOLF,
B.B. WOLF
DEMOLITION.
WOULD YOU BE SO KIND
AS TO SIGN THIS FORM
WHICH TURNS ALL
YOUR PROPERTY RIGHTS
TO THE CITY?
HUH? NO!
I J-JUST BUILT
THIS HOUSE.
I WANT
TO K-KEEP IT.
I'LL GIVE YOU
10 BUCKS.
10 BUCKS?
I D-DON'T THINK SO.
EVEN IF I DID SIGN,
YOU'D NEED MY BROTHERS'
SIGNATURES, ALSO.
WE'LL GET TO THEM.
BUT FIRST, AHEM...
MR. PIGG, MR. PIGG,
LET ME IN.
NOT BY THE HAIR
ON MY CHINNY
CHIN CHIN.
WELL, THEN,
I'LL HUFF,
AND I'LL PUFF,
AND I'LL BLOW
YOUR HOUSE IN.
HA HA HA.
GET A LOAD
OF THAT.
AS YOU WISH.
D-DO YOU THINK
HE'S SERIOUS?
NO.
NO.
NO.
I'VE GOT YOU NOW,
MY LITTLE PIGGY.
SOON, I'LL HAVE
YOUR BROTHERS, TOO.
IT'S TIME FOR
AN EVIL LAUGH.
HEH HEH HEH.
HEY, CHIP, HOW ABOUT
YOU AND ME CATCH A FLICK?
COME ON, CHIPPER. HASN'T
THIS COLD SHOULDER THING
GONE ON LONG ENOUGH?
WE'RE EACH ENTITLED
TO OUR OWN HOUSE.
YOU WITH YOUR STICKS,
ME WITH MY QUALITY MATERIALS,
AND ERNIE WITH HIS PILE
OF RUBBLE AND DEBRIS.
HUH?
HUH?
ERNIE.
ERNIE.
ARE YOU IN HERE?
ERNEST.
YO, ERNESTO.
YOU SEEN MY BROTHER AROUND?
HE'S A SHORT CHUBBY GUY.
NO. SORRY.
THANKS.
HEY, WHO ARE
YOU, AND WHAT
ARE YOU DOING
LOOKING THROUGH
ERNIE'S SHAMBLES?
I'M LAURA DAY, REPORTER
FOR THE PORKVILLE TIMES.
LAURA DAY!
YOU WROTE
THAT DARING EXPOSE
THAT KNOCKED THE SOCKS
OFF THE STATIC
CLING INDUSTRY.
THAT'S ME.
I'M ROBBIE PIGG.
THIS IS
MY BROTHER, CHIP.
DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA
WHAT HAPPENED
TO OUR BROTHER?
THIS WAS HIS HOUSE.
BY THE LOOK OF THINGS,
I SUSPECT THAT
THIS IS THE WORK OF...
THIS MAN!
Both:
ED McMAHON?
OH. OH, NO.
SORRY.
THIS MAN!
HE LOOKS PRETTY MEAN.
WHO IS HE?
B.B. WOLF, PORKVILLE'S
FOREMOST DEMOLITIONS EXPERT
AND TERRIBLE GUY.
I AM WORKING
ON A STORY
THAT WILL SEND
WOLF TO JAIL,
ALONG WITH PORKVILLE'S
CROOKED MAYOR.
YOU THINK WOLF
HAS ERNIE?
HE MIGHT.
WE'VE GOT
TO SAVE HIM.
I NEED PROOF OF WOLF'S
CORRUPTION FOR MY STORY.
I'VE GOT A PLAN
THAT'LL GET ME
INTO HIS OFFICE.
THAT'S PROBABLY
WHERE THEY'RE KEEPING
YOUR BROTHER.
I'M GOING WITH YOU.
CHIP, STAY AND KEEP
AN EYE ON THINGS.
ALL RIGHT, HERE'S
HOW WE DO IT.
FIRST, YOU AND I...
YES, MA'AM.
UH, MR. WOLF,
I'M ROWENA SIDING,
ACE REPORTER
FOR BETTER DESTROYED
HOMES & GARDENS,
THE BIBLE OF
THE DEMOLITION INDUSTRY.
I HAVE NOTHING TO SAY
TO THE PRESS.
COME NOW, MR. WOLF.
I'M HERE FOR A STORY,
AND I'M GOING TO GET IT.
WE KNOW YOU FOR
EXACTLY WHAT YOU ARE--
THE BEST DARN DEMOLISHER
IN THE BUSINESS.
ME?
WE WANT YOU
FOR NEXT MONTH'S
COVER.
I'VE ALWAYS
DREAMED OF BEING
CONSIDERED THE LEADER
OF THE VANGUARD
IN MY INDUSTRY.
UH...YEAH, YEAH.
SIT DOWN. I'VE GOT
LOTS OF QUESTIONS.
ERNIE?
[MUFFLED TALKING]
ARE YOU OK?
TH-THEY SET
A NICE TABLE HERE.
WE HAD
EGGS B-BENEDICT
THIS MORNING.
WHAT HAPPENED
TO YOUR HOUSE?
IT WAS HUFFED
AND PUFFED TO DEATH.
YOU HUFF AND PUFF
AND BLOW HOUSES DOWN?
THAT'S RIGHT.
WHEN I WAS
A LITTLE BAD WOLF,
I HAD LOTS OF ALLERGIES.
IT GAVE ME
SHORTNESS OF BREATH.
YEAH?
THEN I DISCOVERED
THIS WHOLE
YOGA BREATHING THING.
IT GAVE ME
POWERFUL LUNGS
AND CURED ALL
MY ALLERGIES, BUT ONE.
WHICH ONE?
MY ALLERGY TO...
AH-AHHH...
TO FL-FL...
FLOWERS.
BUT WHY DOES WOLF
WANT OUR LAND?
I DON'T K-KNOW.
WOLF CAN'T HAVE
OUR PROPERTY
UNLESS ALL 3 OF US
SIGN THE DEED.
TH-THAT MEANS
HE'LL COME BACK
FOR CHIP AND YOU.
SORRY, WOLF.
I'M NOT BUYING.
BEFORE I MAKE YOU
A COVER BOY,
I WANT TO SEEYOU
BLOW DOWN A HOUSE.
BUT...UH...
TELL YOU WHAT,
I'M SCHEDULED FOR
A BLOWING JOB TONIGHT.
CHIP PIGG, HUH?
YOU BE AT THAT ADDRESS
RIGHT AFTER SUNSET,
AND YOU'LL HAVE
ALL THE PROOF YOU NEED.
YOU'VE GOT
IT, WOLF.
ALL THE PROOF
I'LL NEED.
DON'T GRAB HIM BEFORE
YOU SEE MY FLASH GO OFF.
I WANT TO MAKE SURE
I GET A GOOD CLEAN
SHOT OF HIM.
NO PROBLEM.
IS CHIP
IN THE HOUSE?
READY AND WAITING.
[GASPS]
HERE HE COMES.
THIS IS IT. REMEMBER,
DON'T GRAB HIM
TILL YOU SEE THE FLASH.
[SQUEAL]
GOOD EVENING.
I COULDN'T HELP NOTICING
THE UNUSUAL CONSTRUCTION
OF THIS HOUSE.
POPSICLE STICKS,
ISN'T IT?
POPSICLE FOR THE WALLS
AND FOUNDATION,
CREAMSICLE FOR THE ROOF.
I WOULD LIKE TO BUY IT
PLUS, OF COURSE,
THE LAND UNDER IT.
NO DEAL.
I CAN OFFER YOU
A VERY HANDSOME SUM.
THIS IS PIG LAND.
MR. PIG.
MR. PIG.
LET ME IN.
NO WAY, JOSE.
CHINNY CHIN CHIN.
THEN I'LL HUFF
AND I'LL PUFF
AND I'LL BLOW
YOUR HOUSE IN.
WHOA!
AAH!
CAN I GRAB HIM NOW?
CHIP, ERNIE, JUST SIGN
THIS NICE DEEDY WEEDY
FOR MR. MAYOR
AND YOU'LL NEVER
HAVE TO WORRY
ABOUT THAT BIG OLD
NASTY LAND OF YOURS AGAIN.
ALL RIGHTY?
NOT BY THE HAIR
ON MY--
ENOUGH WITH THE CHINNY
CHIN CHIN!
BOYS, I WANT
TO BE NICE TO YOU,
BUT IF YOU
DON'T COOPERATE,
I WON'T BE ABLE TO HOLD
BACK BIG BAD WOLF HERE.
RIGHT, WOLF?
RIGHT. HOW WOULD
YOU LITTLE PUNKS
LIKE A GREAT BIG
HOT FUDGE SUNDAE
WITH JIMMIES?
HOW MANY TIMES
MUST I EXPLAIN IT?
I'M THE GOOD COP.
YOU'RE THE BAD COP.
YOU AND YOUR
HOSTAGE STRATEGIES.
[KNOCK KNOCK]
QUICK, HIDE THEM
IN THE BACK.
I SAW WHAT
YOU DID TO THE PIG
HOUSE, WOLF.
YOU'RE OUR COVER BOY.
PUDKIN HERE
WILL TAKE YOUR PICTURE.
NOW?
SAY GORGONZOLA.
EEAGH!
I DON'T SEE THEM.
KEEP LOOKING.
UH, TELL ME, WOLF,
UH, WHAT'S YOUR
FAVORITE COLOR?
SAY MONS...
MOONTZ...MUNTS...
SAY SWISS.
EEAGH!
EEAGH. THAT'S
A SORT OF A BEIGE,
ISN'T IT?
I FOUND THEM.
LET'S GO.
AND SO YOUR SORDID
GAME IS OVER,
MR. BIG BAD WOLF.
ONCE AGAIN,
THE LITTLE PEOPLE--
GET ME OUT OF THIS!
OOH. THANK YOU.
ANY OF YOU GUYS BEEN THINKING
OF DROPPING A FEW POUNDS?
THIS WOULD BE A GOOD TIME.
TAXI!
♪ IF ONE OF THOSE BOTTLES
SHOULD HAPPEN TO FALL ♪
♪ 3 BOTTLES
OF STUFF ON THE WALL ♪
♪ ...OF STUFF ON THE WALL
THANKS, LAURA.
OH, FORGET IT.
ALL RIGHT, GUYS,
LET'S HUSTLE.
THIS IS RIDICULOUS.
HEY, EVERYONE HERE
WHO OWNS A HOUSE
IN ONE PIECE,
RAISE HIS HAND.
INSIDE.
ALL RIGHT,
OPEN UP, YOU PIGS,
OR WOLF HERE WILL--
STOP. THERE IS AN ART
AND A RITUAL TO THIS.
YOU'RE SO CALLOW.
AHEM. AHEM.
MR. PIG.
MR. PIG.
LET ME IN.
NOT BY THE HAIR
ON MY CHINNY
CHIN CHIN.
THEN I'LL HUFF
AND I'LL PUFF
AND I'LL BLOW
YOUR HOUSE IN.
NOW YOU'LL SEE WHY
I'VE GOTTEN THOSE
HOME IMPROVEMENT BOOKS
ABOUT EVERY MONTH.
MR. BLOWHARD.
MR. POWERFUL LUNG.
YOU KNOCKED
OVER 6 TREES
AND A MAILBOX.
WHAT ARE THEY DOING?
THE MAYOR IS TYING
A ROPE TO B.B. WOLF.
NOW WOLF IS STARTING
TO BLOW UP AGAIN.
WAIT! WE'LL SIGN
THE DEED.
YOU WILL?
YEAH. WE WANT
TO MAKE NICE.
IN FACT,
WE'VE GOT
A LITTLE GIFT
FOR MR. WOLF.
FOR YOU.
HIT THE DECK!
WHAT'S GOING ON?
AH...AH...
WAIT. WAIT.
DON'T SNEEZE.
AH-CHOO!
GESUNDHEIT.
WELL, ROBBY,
I'VE GOT TO
GET GOING.
YOU'RE LEAVING?
I'VE GOT A STORY
TO FINISH.
I'VE GOTTA FIND OUT
WHY THE MAYOR
AND THE WOLF
WANTED YOUR LAND
SO MUCH.
THANKS FOR YOUR HELP.
HEY, THAT'S
WHAT MUCKRAKING
IS ALL ABOUT.
SEE YOU IN
THE FUNNY PAPERS.
HELLO, CHILDREN.
MOM! DAD!
YOU CAME ALL THE WAY
ACROSS THE LAWN.
I WISH I HAD
PREPARED SOMETHING.
SINCE YOU'RE ON
YOUR OWN NOW,
YOUR MOTHER AND I THOUGHT
YOU MIGHT LIKE TO HAVE THIS.
TH--TH--THANKS.
I'LL PUT IT UP
RIGHT NOW.
THAT'S A FINE-LOOKING
HOUSE.
AND IT'S VERY
WELL CONSTRUCTED.
AND IT'S OUR HOME.
THAT'S WHAT'S IMPORTANT.
IT'S OUR HOME
AND OUR LAND,
AND NOTHING WILL EVER
MAKE US LEAVE.
L-L-LOOK.
BUB--BUB--
BUBBLING CRUDE.
OIL, THAT IS.
BLACK GOLD.
TEXAS TEA.
LET'S GET OUT
OF THIS DUMP
AND MOVE
INTO A REAL HOUSE.
WELL, AS LONG WE LIVE
IN A PETROCHEMICAL-BASED
SOCIETY,
I GUESS WE'RE RICH.
IT JUST GOES
TO SHOW YOU--
IT DOESN'T MATTER
WHETHER YOU'VE GOT
A LOT OF MONEY,
OR IF YOU'VE GOT
IMPORTANT PARENTS.
WHAT MATTERS
IS THAT YOU'RE HONEST,
AND WORK HARD, AND HAVE
OIL UNDER YOUR HOUSE.
[THEME FROM
TWILIGHT ZONEPLAYS]
♪ GORDON, SEND US
♪ OH, SEND US
♪ INTO OUTER SPACE
♪ OUTER SPACE
♪ 'CAUSE THERE AIN'T
NOBODY LIKE YOU ♪
♪ IN THE MELMACKIAN RACE
♪ TEACH US, GORDON...
HA! I KILL ME!
WITH...
CAPTIONING MADE POSSIBLE BY
LIONS GATE HOME ENTERTAINMENT
FOR YOUR CONSIDERATION,
THE HOME OF THE PIGG FAMILY.
THEY'RE ABOUT TO BE VICTIMS
OF ONE BIG, VERY BAD WOLF
WITH A CASE OF HOT AIR
AND A DESIRE TO TAKE IT
OUT ON 3 LITTLE PIGS.
TOMORROW, THE PIGGS'
QUIET EXISTENCE
WILL TAKE A WRONG TURN
DOWN THE OFF-RAMP OF LIFE,
GO 2 BLOCKS PAST
THE BIG RED HOUSE
MARKED "MISFORTUNE,"
AND PULL INTO
AN ALLEY OF TEARS
WHICH LEADS TO
THE DEAD END, KNOW AS
THE ALF TALES ZONE.
GORDON SHUMWAY?
SGT. CAMFRALL,
COMEDY LOGIC SQUAD.
I'M AFRAID YOU'RE
NOT PROPERLY SETTING
UP THE STORY.
THE THREE
LITTLE PIGS
IS A WISTFUL,
ENCHANTED TALE.
IT NEEDS
A STORYBOOK SETUP.
OK, BOYS.
WHAT?
OK, SHUMWAY. READ.
AND MAKE IT GOOD.
MY KIDDIES
ARE WATCHING.
"ONCE UPON A TIME,
"IN THE SMALL TOWN
OF PORKVILLE,
"THERE LIVED A FAMILY
BY THE NAME OF PIGG.
IT WAS MOVING DAY
FOR THE 3 PIGG BOYS."
[CRYING]
I CAN'T BELIEVE
THEY'RE ALL GROWN UP
AND MOVING OUT.
IT SEEMS LIKE ONLY
YESTERDAY WHEN THEY
WERE LITTLE BOYS.
NOW, NOW, THINK OF
THEIR NEW LIVES.
THINK OF THEIR FUTURE,
THINK OF GETTING
INTO THE BATHROOM
WHENEVER YOU WANT TO.
D-DON'T WORRY, MOM.
WE'LL VISIT.
AFTER ALL, SOMEBODY'S
GOT TO DO OUR LAUNDRY.
WELL, THANKS FOR ALL
OF YOUR NURTURING.
WE'LL MISS YOU.
AND WE'LL
MISS YOU, TOO.
YOU HAVEN'T LEFT
ANYTHING BEHIND?
UH-UH.
GOT IT ALL.
SURE THERE'S NOTHING
IN YOUR ROOM?
NADA.
NADA.
NOTHING.
GOOD. OK, MEN.
BRING IT ALL THIS WAY.
PUT IT IN
THE EMPTY ROOM.
AT THE END
OF THE HALL.
SO MUCH FOR
A SHRINE TO MY YOUTH.
HERE WE ARE!
OUT OF THE NEST!
ON OUR OWN.
TO THE T-TOTALLY
INDEPENDENT.
LET'S BUILD OUR
NEW HOME RIGHT HERE.
L-LET'S MAKE IT
OUT OF SOUP CANS.
I SAY WE GO WITH
POPSICLE STICKS.
WHAT K-KIND
OF STUPID IDEA
IS THAT?
GEE, POPSICLE STICKS...
SOUP CANS...
AND ALL ALONG
I WAS THINKING OF BRICKS,
MORTAR AND STEEL GIRDERS.
I GUESS I'M THE STOOP.
I MOVED OUT
SO I COULD LIVE
IN THE KIND
OF HOUSE I LIKE.
AND THAT HOUSE
IS MADE OF
POPSICLE STICKS.
E-EVER SINCE
I WAS A LITTLE BOY,
I-I WANTED
TO LIVE IN A HOUSE
MADE OF SOUP CANS,
AND NOW YOU WANT TO TAKE
THAT DREAM AWAY FROM ME?
YOU KNOW, GUYS,
A NICE STUCCO IS
ALWAYS IN STYLE.
POPSICLE STICKS.
S-SOUP CANS.
STICKS!
CANS!
GUYS, GUYS,
LET'S ALL COMPROMISE
ON SOME FEDERALLY-APPROVED
BUILDING MATERIALS.
WELL, I'M BUILDING
MY HOUSE ON MY OWN.
ME, TOO.
ANYBODY GOT
A NICE CONDO FOR SALE?
WELCOME, WELCOME.
I HAVE SOMETHING
IMPORTANT TO
DISCUSS WITH YOU.
WOLF, I'VE GOT
A BIG JOB FOR YOU.
IF YOU CAN
HANDLE IT.
B.B. WOLF CAN
HANDLE ANYTHING!
GOOD. THERE'S
A RICH OIL FIELD
UNDER SOME
PRIVATE PROPERTY
JUST OUTSIDE
OF TOWN.
THE OWNERS
DON'T KNOW WHAT
THEY'RE SITTING ON.
I WANT YOU TO
GET THEM TO
SIGN THEIR LAND
OVER TO THE CITY--
MAINLY, ME.
AND IF THEY WON'T SIGN?
BLOW THEM AWAY.
RIGHT. JUST LIKE
THE OLD DAYS.
I'LL HUFF,
AND I'LL PUFF...
HERE'S THE ADDRESS.
NOW, LET'S LAUGH AN
EVIL LAUGH TOGETHER
TO SEAL THE DEAL.
[BOTH LAUGH EVILLY]
SO MUCH FOR
FRIENDLY NEIGHBORS.
[SITAR MUSIC PLAYS]
P-PRETTY GROOVY
PAD, HUH?
FAR OUT.
M-MY BROTHERS
DON'T G-GET IT.
CHIP'S INTO
POPSICLE STICKS,
AND ALL ROBBIE THINKS ABOUT
IS BUILDING CODES.
[DOOR BELL RINGS]
HI. B.B. WOLF,
B.B. WOLF
DEMOLITION.
WOULD YOU BE SO KIND
AS TO SIGN THIS FORM
WHICH TURNS ALL
YOUR PROPERTY RIGHTS
TO THE CITY?
HUH? NO!
I J-JUST BUILT
THIS HOUSE.
I WANT
TO K-KEEP IT.
I'LL GIVE YOU
10 BUCKS.
10 BUCKS?
I D-DON'T THINK SO.
EVEN IF I DID SIGN,
YOU'D NEED MY BROTHERS'
SIGNATURES, ALSO.
WE'LL GET TO THEM.
BUT FIRST, AHEM...
MR. PIGG, MR. PIGG,
LET ME IN.
NOT BY THE HAIR
ON MY CHINNY
CHIN CHIN.
WELL, THEN,
I'LL HUFF,
AND I'LL PUFF,
AND I'LL BLOW
YOUR HOUSE IN.
HA HA HA.
GET A LOAD
OF THAT.
AS YOU WISH.
D-DO YOU THINK
HE'S SERIOUS?
NO.
NO.
NO.
I'VE GOT YOU NOW,
MY LITTLE PIGGY.
SOON, I'LL HAVE
YOUR BROTHERS, TOO.
IT'S TIME FOR
AN EVIL LAUGH.
HEH HEH HEH.
HEY, CHIP, HOW ABOUT
YOU AND ME CATCH A FLICK?
COME ON, CHIPPER. HASN'T
THIS COLD SHOULDER THING
GONE ON LONG ENOUGH?
WE'RE EACH ENTITLED
TO OUR OWN HOUSE.
YOU WITH YOUR STICKS,
ME WITH MY QUALITY MATERIALS,
AND ERNIE WITH HIS PILE
OF RUBBLE AND DEBRIS.
HUH?
HUH?
ERNIE.
ERNIE.
ARE YOU IN HERE?
ERNEST.
YO, ERNESTO.
YOU SEEN MY BROTHER AROUND?
HE'S A SHORT CHUBBY GUY.
NO. SORRY.
THANKS.
HEY, WHO ARE
YOU, AND WHAT
ARE YOU DOING
LOOKING THROUGH
ERNIE'S SHAMBLES?
I'M LAURA DAY, REPORTER
FOR THE PORKVILLE TIMES.
LAURA DAY!
YOU WROTE
THAT DARING EXPOSE
THAT KNOCKED THE SOCKS
OFF THE STATIC
CLING INDUSTRY.
THAT'S ME.
I'M ROBBIE PIGG.
THIS IS
MY BROTHER, CHIP.
DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA
WHAT HAPPENED
TO OUR BROTHER?
THIS WAS HIS HOUSE.
BY THE LOOK OF THINGS,
I SUSPECT THAT
THIS IS THE WORK OF...
THIS MAN!
Both:
ED McMAHON?
OH. OH, NO.
SORRY.
THIS MAN!
HE LOOKS PRETTY MEAN.
WHO IS HE?
B.B. WOLF, PORKVILLE'S
FOREMOST DEMOLITIONS EXPERT
AND TERRIBLE GUY.
I AM WORKING
ON A STORY
THAT WILL SEND
WOLF TO JAIL,
ALONG WITH PORKVILLE'S
CROOKED MAYOR.
YOU THINK WOLF
HAS ERNIE?
HE MIGHT.
WE'VE GOT
TO SAVE HIM.
I NEED PROOF OF WOLF'S
CORRUPTION FOR MY STORY.
I'VE GOT A PLAN
THAT'LL GET ME
INTO HIS OFFICE.
THAT'S PROBABLY
WHERE THEY'RE KEEPING
YOUR BROTHER.
I'M GOING WITH YOU.
CHIP, STAY AND KEEP
AN EYE ON THINGS.
ALL RIGHT, HERE'S
HOW WE DO IT.
FIRST, YOU AND I...
YES, MA'AM.
UH, MR. WOLF,
I'M ROWENA SIDING,
ACE REPORTER
FOR BETTER DESTROYED
HOMES & GARDENS,
THE BIBLE OF
THE DEMOLITION INDUSTRY.
I HAVE NOTHING TO SAY
TO THE PRESS.
COME NOW, MR. WOLF.
I'M HERE FOR A STORY,
AND I'M GOING TO GET IT.
WE KNOW YOU FOR
EXACTLY WHAT YOU ARE--
THE BEST DARN DEMOLISHER
IN THE BUSINESS.
ME?
WE WANT YOU
FOR NEXT MONTH'S
COVER.
I'VE ALWAYS
DREAMED OF BEING
CONSIDERED THE LEADER
OF THE VANGUARD
IN MY INDUSTRY.
UH...YEAH, YEAH.
SIT DOWN. I'VE GOT
LOTS OF QUESTIONS.
ERNIE?
[MUFFLED TALKING]
ARE YOU OK?
TH-THEY SET
A NICE TABLE HERE.
WE HAD
EGGS B-BENEDICT
THIS MORNING.
WHAT HAPPENED
TO YOUR HOUSE?
IT WAS HUFFED
AND PUFFED TO DEATH.
YOU HUFF AND PUFF
AND BLOW HOUSES DOWN?
THAT'S RIGHT.
WHEN I WAS
A LITTLE BAD WOLF,
I HAD LOTS OF ALLERGIES.
IT GAVE ME
SHORTNESS OF BREATH.
YEAH?
THEN I DISCOVERED
THIS WHOLE
YOGA BREATHING THING.
IT GAVE ME
POWERFUL LUNGS
AND CURED ALL
MY ALLERGIES, BUT ONE.
WHICH ONE?
MY ALLERGY TO...
AH-AHHH...
TO FL-FL...
FLOWERS.
BUT WHY DOES WOLF
WANT OUR LAND?
I DON'T K-KNOW.
WOLF CAN'T HAVE
OUR PROPERTY
UNLESS ALL 3 OF US
SIGN THE DEED.
TH-THAT MEANS
HE'LL COME BACK
FOR CHIP AND YOU.
SORRY, WOLF.
I'M NOT BUYING.
BEFORE I MAKE YOU
A COVER BOY,
I WANT TO SEEYOU
BLOW DOWN A HOUSE.
BUT...UH...
TELL YOU WHAT,
I'M SCHEDULED FOR
A BLOWING JOB TONIGHT.
CHIP PIGG, HUH?
YOU BE AT THAT ADDRESS
RIGHT AFTER SUNSET,
AND YOU'LL HAVE
ALL THE PROOF YOU NEED.
YOU'VE GOT
IT, WOLF.
ALL THE PROOF
I'LL NEED.
DON'T GRAB HIM BEFORE
YOU SEE MY FLASH GO OFF.
I WANT TO MAKE SURE
I GET A GOOD CLEAN
SHOT OF HIM.
NO PROBLEM.
IS CHIP
IN THE HOUSE?
READY AND WAITING.
[GASPS]
HERE HE COMES.
THIS IS IT. REMEMBER,
DON'T GRAB HIM
TILL YOU SEE THE FLASH.
[SQUEAL]
GOOD EVENING.
I COULDN'T HELP NOTICING
THE UNUSUAL CONSTRUCTION
OF THIS HOUSE.
POPSICLE STICKS,
ISN'T IT?
POPSICLE FOR THE WALLS
AND FOUNDATION,
CREAMSICLE FOR THE ROOF.
I WOULD LIKE TO BUY IT
PLUS, OF COURSE,
THE LAND UNDER IT.
NO DEAL.
I CAN OFFER YOU
A VERY HANDSOME SUM.
THIS IS PIG LAND.
MR. PIG.
MR. PIG.
LET ME IN.
NO WAY, JOSE.
CHINNY CHIN CHIN.
THEN I'LL HUFF
AND I'LL PUFF
AND I'LL BLOW
YOUR HOUSE IN.
WHOA!
AAH!
CAN I GRAB HIM NOW?
CHIP, ERNIE, JUST SIGN
THIS NICE DEEDY WEEDY
FOR MR. MAYOR
AND YOU'LL NEVER
HAVE TO WORRY
ABOUT THAT BIG OLD
NASTY LAND OF YOURS AGAIN.
ALL RIGHTY?
NOT BY THE HAIR
ON MY--
ENOUGH WITH THE CHINNY
CHIN CHIN!
BOYS, I WANT
TO BE NICE TO YOU,
BUT IF YOU
DON'T COOPERATE,
I WON'T BE ABLE TO HOLD
BACK BIG BAD WOLF HERE.
RIGHT, WOLF?
RIGHT. HOW WOULD
YOU LITTLE PUNKS
LIKE A GREAT BIG
HOT FUDGE SUNDAE
WITH JIMMIES?
HOW MANY TIMES
MUST I EXPLAIN IT?
I'M THE GOOD COP.
YOU'RE THE BAD COP.
YOU AND YOUR
HOSTAGE STRATEGIES.
[KNOCK KNOCK]
QUICK, HIDE THEM
IN THE BACK.
I SAW WHAT
YOU DID TO THE PIG
HOUSE, WOLF.
YOU'RE OUR COVER BOY.
PUDKIN HERE
WILL TAKE YOUR PICTURE.
NOW?
SAY GORGONZOLA.
EEAGH!
I DON'T SEE THEM.
KEEP LOOKING.
UH, TELL ME, WOLF,
UH, WHAT'S YOUR
FAVORITE COLOR?
SAY MONS...
MOONTZ...MUNTS...
SAY SWISS.
EEAGH!
EEAGH. THAT'S
A SORT OF A BEIGE,
ISN'T IT?
I FOUND THEM.
LET'S GO.
AND SO YOUR SORDID
GAME IS OVER,
MR. BIG BAD WOLF.
ONCE AGAIN,
THE LITTLE PEOPLE--
GET ME OUT OF THIS!
OOH. THANK YOU.
ANY OF YOU GUYS BEEN THINKING
OF DROPPING A FEW POUNDS?
THIS WOULD BE A GOOD TIME.
TAXI!
♪ IF ONE OF THOSE BOTTLES
SHOULD HAPPEN TO FALL ♪
♪ 3 BOTTLES
OF STUFF ON THE WALL ♪
♪ ...OF STUFF ON THE WALL
THANKS, LAURA.
OH, FORGET IT.
ALL RIGHT, GUYS,
LET'S HUSTLE.
THIS IS RIDICULOUS.
HEY, EVERYONE HERE
WHO OWNS A HOUSE
IN ONE PIECE,
RAISE HIS HAND.
INSIDE.
ALL RIGHT,
OPEN UP, YOU PIGS,
OR WOLF HERE WILL--
STOP. THERE IS AN ART
AND A RITUAL TO THIS.
YOU'RE SO CALLOW.
AHEM. AHEM.
MR. PIG.
MR. PIG.
LET ME IN.
NOT BY THE HAIR
ON MY CHINNY
CHIN CHIN.
THEN I'LL HUFF
AND I'LL PUFF
AND I'LL BLOW
YOUR HOUSE IN.
NOW YOU'LL SEE WHY
I'VE GOTTEN THOSE
HOME IMPROVEMENT BOOKS
ABOUT EVERY MONTH.
MR. BLOWHARD.
MR. POWERFUL LUNG.
YOU KNOCKED
OVER 6 TREES
AND A MAILBOX.
WHAT ARE THEY DOING?
THE MAYOR IS TYING
A ROPE TO B.B. WOLF.
NOW WOLF IS STARTING
TO BLOW UP AGAIN.
WAIT! WE'LL SIGN
THE DEED.
YOU WILL?
YEAH. WE WANT
TO MAKE NICE.
IN FACT,
WE'VE GOT
A LITTLE GIFT
FOR MR. WOLF.
FOR YOU.
HIT THE DECK!
WHAT'S GOING ON?
AH...AH...
WAIT. WAIT.
DON'T SNEEZE.
AH-CHOO!
GESUNDHEIT.
WELL, ROBBY,
I'VE GOT TO
GET GOING.
YOU'RE LEAVING?
I'VE GOT A STORY
TO FINISH.
I'VE GOTTA FIND OUT
WHY THE MAYOR
AND THE WOLF
WANTED YOUR LAND
SO MUCH.
THANKS FOR YOUR HELP.
HEY, THAT'S
WHAT MUCKRAKING
IS ALL ABOUT.
SEE YOU IN
THE FUNNY PAPERS.
HELLO, CHILDREN.
MOM! DAD!
YOU CAME ALL THE WAY
ACROSS THE LAWN.
I WISH I HAD
PREPARED SOMETHING.
SINCE YOU'RE ON
YOUR OWN NOW,
YOUR MOTHER AND I THOUGHT
YOU MIGHT LIKE TO HAVE THIS.
TH--TH--THANKS.
I'LL PUT IT UP
RIGHT NOW.
THAT'S A FINE-LOOKING
HOUSE.
AND IT'S VERY
WELL CONSTRUCTED.
AND IT'S OUR HOME.
THAT'S WHAT'S IMPORTANT.
IT'S OUR HOME
AND OUR LAND,
AND NOTHING WILL EVER
MAKE US LEAVE.
L-L-LOOK.
BUB--BUB--
BUBBLING CRUDE.
OIL, THAT IS.
BLACK GOLD.
TEXAS TEA.
LET'S GET OUT
OF THIS DUMP
AND MOVE
INTO A REAL HOUSE.
WELL, AS LONG WE LIVE
IN A PETROCHEMICAL-BASED
SOCIETY,
I GUESS WE'RE RICH.
IT JUST GOES
TO SHOW YOU--
IT DOESN'T MATTER
WHETHER YOU'VE GOT
A LOT OF MONEY,
OR IF YOU'VE GOT
IMPORTANT PARENTS.
WHAT MATTERS
IS THAT YOU'RE HONEST,
AND WORK HARD, AND HAVE
OIL UNDER YOUR HOUSE.
[THEME FROM
TWILIGHT ZONEPLAYS]
♪ GORDON, SEND US
♪ OH, SEND US
♪ INTO OUTER SPACE
♪ OUTER SPACE
♪ 'CAUSE THERE AIN'T
NOBODY LIKE YOU ♪
♪ IN THE MELMACKIAN RACE
♪ TEACH US, GORDON...
HA! I KILL ME!