ALF (1986–1990): Season 2, Episode 2 - Somewhere Over the Rerun - full transcript

ALF has taken liking to watching Gilligan's Island. He dresses accordingly and has coconut drinks. He's bored at the Tanners' and takes things one step too far towards Gilligan's Island.

oh oh uh Kahuna what are you doing with

my drill drilling holes what for so I

can get the straws in these coconuts

what a hit

I suppose this means this is another

Gilligan's Island rerun tonight yep

ship set sail for that uncharted desert

Isle momentarily I think you're

overdoing this whole Gilligan thing why

cuz I'm making a couple of skipper

coladas what about the bamboo furniture

you ordered for your room hey I sent it

back wasn't even real bamboo was that

Naga boo be right with you little buddy

got a run Willy

Gilligan's on ya you better hurry you

missed this episode you'll have to wait

three weeks until it's on again you know

it's people like you who drive quality

programming off the air





author author powerful episode so funny

you're telling me

Chaplin Keaton Gilligan the great ones

make it look so easy now

come on Kate the kid just watched

Gilligan's Island he needs time for the

nuances to soak in they can soak in in

the bathtub hi mom hey Kate

did I ever tell you how much you remind

me of ginger Wow

that's the same look of disdain that

ginger gives Gilligan that was a


boy she's no fun hey Willy we have to

talk yeah

speak to me Gilligan's Island why do you

think life there is so much more

exciting than life in oh let's say this

house Oh a view of fun here sure

when Gilligan's Island is on that's four

hours every day right there I'm trying

to make a point here and you're doing

jokes oh well by all means then

pontificate what kind of pie is that

Apple cliche in a crust why did you have

six pieces of it at supper the question

is why didn't I have eight because it is

boring man just like everything else

around here not like on Gilligan's

Island where every day is topped off by

one of Mary Ann's coconut cream pie al

I'm not going to waste my time trying to

analyze why you find real life more

boring than some ludicrous situation

comedy ah how erudite reminiscent of the

professor if you're bored with your pie

can I have it guess not


so anyway see this big fat native girl

from the next island eats gingers

lipstick before Gilligan can marry her

boy wait don't tell me she goes back to

her own Island and she leaves the

castaways stranded did I give the ending

away somewhere that's how every episode

ends they never leave the island well I

must have overlooked the pattern don't

overlook the idea that you can leave

this room the fun never stops on

Gilligan's Island unlike some other

places with a fun stop during the

Eisenhower administration just go to

sleep I can't

I tried counting castaways jumping over

palm trees but the skipper's not the

best of leapers if you'll let us get

some sleep I promise you we'll get back

to this Gilligan business first thing

tomorrow and maybe maybe we'll even

build you a little Lagoon all your own

you'd do that for me yes and then maroon

you on the opposite shore Aloha

hey if you need some excitement you know

where to look where's that wherever you

hear this song just sit right back and

you'll hear a tale a tale

that started from a tropic port aboard

this tiny ship


really there's something wrong with the

bathtub Oh was probably clogged with

Alps herring and it just refuses to

vacuum himself before it takes a bath

it's the faucet there's no water coming

on this although some water here either

I'm losing pressure out here so what

exactly are you doing out there it's a


you said surprise the dreaded s word

well what do you think I don't believe

it will he's swimming in the lagoon I

built it's just like the one on

Gilligan's Island from now on life

around here will be much more exciting

see it's exciting already you're not

happy about this are you just tell us

why you did it

it was Willy's idea what don't try to

worm your way out of this one you said

we'd build a lagoon I said we'd build a

little legal not the great Tanner we

okay okay I misunderstood I'm sorry I

made a boo-boo boo-boo

I want my yard back the way it was I

want to reuse I can trim I want grass

like an mow no water no and you are

gonna stay right here until I get have I

made myself clear

what are you talking to me load sixteen

tons what do you get another day older

and deeper in debt

oh well I'm sweating first time in 60

years Wow

I brought you some lemonade Thanks this

Lagoon water tastes a little brackish so

how much longer is it gonna take you to

fill it in six weeks six weeks it only

took you one night to dig it up yeah but

I wanted to do that this is painful to

me have you ever had to cover your

dreams with a big pile of dirt well I

once had to bury my pet turtle that died

oh this one does it say greetings from

Miami on it well

Carlsbad Caverns oh that was Brian's SiC

transit gloria mundi

I better let you get back to work yeah

yeah work work

oh this isn't work this is fun what are

you talking about Len I'm talking about

the thrill of back-breaking manual labor

huh my only regret is that you can't

share this thrill hey hey wait a minute

why don't I let you shovel a couple of

metric tons good night al Gilligan would

have fallen for that well break time

I must have slept through the night hey

where's my shovel where's my house can I

fish dude it's Gilligan

the skipper - you scare the fish fish

I'm here on Gilligan's Isle



Gilligan's Island I'm in rerun heaven

did I catch a big one Gilligan Hitler

went up into your hat you're using it

for bait skipper don't worry your

biggest fan I worship the sand you walk

up where did you come from now Mac

melmac is that anywhere near Bora Bora

hey hey where are the others what others

the others you know the millionaire and

his wife the star and wait a minute how

do you know about all of us wait a

minute how do you know about all of us I

just said that Gilligan I thought it

sounded familiar

I get tired of it

lunch is ready I see we have another

visitor its Marianne and lunch two of my

favorite things

Marianne this is out these from melmax

how come everybody can get to this

island and none of us can ever get off

really you must overlook the pattern

let's see come on what's with the

castaways oh boy oh boy oh boy

Marianne did you make one of your famous

coconut cream pies no you see I noticed

our blood sugar levels were getting

dangerously high what's the fact when

were sick to death oh I never told me

that I was remiss anyway today we're

having mangoes

woah mango we're sick of mangoes too

like mangoes I'm just sick of making

dental floss for you people I got the

feeling you people aren't happy we're

not we're bored no we've been doing the

same thing day in and day out for 23

years yeah how would you like to listen

to this skipper's boring own baby

stories over and over I thought you

liked my navy stories I was a good

sailor oh we're all familiar with your

nautical record skipper your own one I

believe well you guys should be grateful

you're here on Gilligan's Island

are you kidding why we'd be out of here

in a minute

if smarty pants over here could figure

out a way for us to get off this rock

don't blame me every time I devise a

plan it's ruined by that Hiba tunas

sidekick of yore

Hiba tootin this addlepated Oh what do

you can't call my little buddy

addlepated will you stop calling me

little buddy I'm in my 40s for crying

out loud

stop it you people are supposed to be

funny and friendly and and wacky this is

our island you can't tell us when to be

wacky yeah who died and made you King

Kamehameha it'll keep you from fighting

oh let's reenact the time when the

headhunter came to the island now I'll

be the headhunter and Gilligan could be

Gilligan I've got a better idea let's

reenact the time an elf came to the

island to help us dig you'll be out and

start digging I'm not gonna dig I refuse

to dig I won't dig I will i won't i

won't i won't we're gonna build a

miniature golf course and we're not

gonna let the Howells play on them

should I go get your clubs skipper no

Gilligan it's not ready yet

come on let the furry little guy work

it's almost time for our favorite TV

show you have a TV oh yeah I rigged one

up using some bamboo a couple of coconut

shells in a 19 inch picture tube that

washed up on the shore

I even built a VCR yeah but all our

tapes are beta hey Gilligan diggings

really fun you want to do some forget it

even Gilligan won't fall for it what was

that for yeah I just felt like wonder if

the hulls need a fourth for golf

professor I can't see I'm adjusting the

vertical hold vertical hold looks like a

coconut to me give me the Hat skipper

and now it's time for The Adventures of

the Tanner family dinner family starring

Willy Tanner as dad Kate and his mom

Lynn Tanner as their daughter and Bryan

Tanner as himself this week's episode

Brian takes a bath boy this is my

favorite I had a bath of 23 years we


is delicious mom well I hope you have

room for some apple

apple pie I haven't had that in 23 years

that meat loss sounds so delicious - I'd

like to have something need that didn't

fall out of a tree

you can have lots of water son you're

taking a bath how does Willy come up

with that stuff the great ones make it

look so easy

why was that funny why was that funny

these are the most entertaining people

in the world if you ask why was it funny

they can do things we only dream of

balanced meals hey change their clothes

they don't hit each other with hats

actually they are pretty entertaining

can i watch a little don't you have some

dirt to shovel shovel jerk back home you

want home I'm here a castaway now fuzzy

buddy forever I don't want to be a

castaway I thought this place would be

fun now I realize it's only fun in

half-hour chunks but you wanted to be on

Gilligan's Island that's where the fun

never stops remember remember remember

that was wrong I want to go home I want

to go home I want to go home wake up

Hey Oh Willie you came all the way out

here to rescue me that wasn't really all

that far alpha was just in the kitchen

oh well listen I was wrong

adventure isn't on some uncharted desert

Isle it's right here in your own

backyard what's left of it that's good

to hear how I'll see you later well

don't I get to come with you what about

all that mindless treacle I just oozed

as treacle goes that's pretty sweet too

bad it didn't fill up the hole get to


I hate this place


delicious meatloaf Kate best I've ever


best anyone's ever had best in the world

leave the best Thank You elf

would you like some pie what kind

coconut cream purse oh hi I'm sorry I'm

late for dinner


nothing's wrong I'm the happiest a lien

on earth what could possibly be wrong

here in the fun-filled action-packed

Tanner household how's the backyard

coming well well oh I'd like to discuss

that with you at length and later would

be a good time he's been watching

bonanza well return the stagecoach









alfe is an alien production and is

distributed by Warner Brothers domestic

television distribution