ALF (1986–1990): Season 2, Episode 10 - Isn't It Romantic? - full transcript

Willie and Kate no longer share activities, because one of them has to always stay at home keeping eye on ALF. ALF concludes that they are about to break up and in order to prevent that, decides to add romance to their life.

What are you watching?

I'm watching you spill popcorn
all over the floor.

Oh, yeah.
Careful where you step.

Oh, "Casablanca!"

Yeah. Great film.

I've seen it so many times.

Well, then you won't mind
if I change the channel.


Willie, it's Godzilla week
on Channel 6.

Stop the presses!

They're showing
"Godzilla Vs. The Thing"

"Godzilla Vs. King Kong"

and "Godzilla
Vs. The Smog Monster."

Guess which one this is?

I'm not guessing.

I'll give you a hint.

"Godzilla Vs. The Smog Monster?"



Why were you coughing?

Popcorn stuck in my throat.

Uh, ALF, I don't think
you should watch this movie.

You know how they always
give you nightmares.

Used to give me nightmares!

I've matured since
"The Blob" festival.

Oh, you look nice.

Oh, thanks.

You know,
I don't feel right

about going to see
this play by myself.

Well, would you feel better
if I went with you

and ALF destroyed the house
while we were gone?

You're right, it's nice to know
that when I come home

there'll be a home.. come home to.

Well, it won't last forever.

He's just always
more destructive

during hockey season.

I'm gonna tell him
that we're going out separately

and it's just because of him

and that he's
got to learn to behave himself.

No, don't do that.

Whenever he tries
to behave himself

he gets nervous,
he breaks even more things.

How many more things
can there be?

Say, what was all that noise?

I don't know.

As my old Grandpa Satchel
used to say

"Don't look back.

Something might be broken."

Well, in this case,
it's my casserole dish

and the cookie jar.

Hey, Willie,
where are you going?

Well, I'm gonna go
see a musical.

Musicals are dumb!

Out of the blue
people burst into song.

Hence, the term musical.

Yeah, but wouldn't it
get on your nerves

if all of a sudden
I started singing

♪ Hey Kate ♪

♪ Ain't it great ♪

♪ Hey Willie ♪

♪ You look silly
Hey... ♪♪

It's getting on my nerves!

See what I mean?

What's this stinker called?


Take me, please!

Afterwards, we'll go backstage

and eat the actors.

Well, they're not real cats

they're actors dressed up
to look like cats.

Well, pwah! I'll pass.

How come you're not
going with your mate, Kate?

Well, um..

...actually, um, ahem,
do you remember a while back

we, we left you alone, and you,
ahem, blew up the kitchen?

Oh, yeah.

I get nervous
just thinking about it.

Uh, well, uh, I'm not going

because I-I don't feel well.

I have a fever. A slight fever.

Oh, well, let me press my lips

against your forehead.


You don't sound that sick.

Is there something wrong
between you two?

Of course not.

You wouldn't lie
to the old ALFer?

Well, no.

Because I always tell the truth.

Example, your socks are limp.

- Goodbye, Willie.
- Bye.

- Have a good time.
- Bye.

And those glasses
make you look owlish.

Goodbye, ALF.

Did I mention
he has a funny walk?

♪ Da-da da da da da-a-a ♪♪

Alright, let's go for three.

Come on, Bri, time for bed.

But ALF's teaching me
how to juggle.

New rule,
no juggling with glasses.

Oh, great.

First, no juggling with plates.

Now, no juggling with glasses.

What's next? Lucky?

No juggling with the cat.


There go my plans for

"Circus Of The Strays."

Come on, Bri.

- Night, ALF.
- Night, B.

- Hi.
- Oh, hi, honey.

- How was your date?
- It was fun!

Okay, I want to hear all about
it after I put Bri to bed.

- Okay.
- I wanna hear all about it too.


I thought you hated
that smushy stuff.

I like it better
than going to bed.

Cute repartee, huh?


So, did you ask Lizard
to marry you?

No, why would I do that?

Well, don't you want
to be Mrs. Lynn Lizard?

Living in a nice little cottage
with a white picket fence?

I hadn't thought about it.

Well, think about it.

I'm gonna need a place to crash
when your parents get a divorce.

My parents
aren't getting divorced.

Don't be so sure.

I'm a student of the breakup
of the nuclear family.

No, you're not.


I'm a student of the breakup

of a planet by nuclear boo-boo.

But I do know
when a romance is dying.

ALF, my parents'
romance isn't dying.

Then why are they always
doing things separately?

It can't be because of me.

Perish the thought.

Well, look, we can't take
a chance that something's wrong.

We must take action.

Must we?

Trust me on this one.

I've been wrong
so many times before.

Mom and dad wanna know
if they can come out now.

Yeah, just as soon as
I spit-shine these plates.

That won't be necessary.

Fine, let 'em eat off
dirty dishes.

You can come out now!

Wait, wait, wait!
Cover your eyes first!

Oh, is that really necessary?

'Humor me.'

Willie, no fair peeking!


I guess you weren't peeking.

Okay, open.


What is the occasion?

Well, on Melmac, it's National
Rag-On-The-Martians Day

but here, it's just
Kate-And-Willie Day.

'Now, come on,
sit down, you two.'

Enjoy. Lunch.

- Well, thank you!
- Thank you, ALF.

I was going to prepare
a lovely chateaubriand

but I have no idea what that is.

So you're getting hamburgers.

- And champagne.
- Yeah.

It's dry and fruity

with just a hint of wackiness.

I even dropped in
a worm for that

south-of-the-border flavor.

Uh, no, I'll,
uh, I'll pass.

Alright, I'll give it to Lucky.

He loves this imported stuff.

No, no, ALF,
give that to me.

Listen, I want to know..

...why you did all this.

Well, I merely wanted you two

to have a nice
candlelight dinner at home.

The two of you.

Willie and Kate,
Kate and Willie

husband and wife, man and woman

circle with an arrow pointing up

circle with a little cross
pointing down.

That's enough, ALF.

- Well, well, see you later.
- Thank you.

You know what they say?

"Two's company,
three is a crowd."

Four is, uh, two companies.

Five is a crowd and a company.

Six. Six could either be three
companies or two crowds.

I'll have my burger medium.

They're all the same size.

Extra large.

What do you think
he's up to?

I don't know.

But until we find out

we might just as well enjoy it.

He has created
a nice atmosphere.

Yeah, you know,
I feel underdressed

in my own living room.

Gangway, coming through

soup and salad!

In one pot.

How convenient.

Hey, less dishes
for you to wash, Kate.

I wanted this night
to be perfect.

Now you two lovebirds

talk amongst yourselves.

He's odd.

E-even for an alien.

You know,
I think I just figured out

why he's doing all this.

He thinks we're having
marital problems.

Wh-why would you say that?

I don't know, the-the dinner

the way he's trying
to get us to be roman..

Maybe he overheard us
arguing last night.

That wasn't an argument.

That was
a difference of opinion.

I just don't happen
to think that Lynn

is old enough
to go on a ski trip.

She's 17,
that's not too young.

Let's not,
let's not start again.

It was settled last night.

Actually, nothing was settled.
You fell asleep.

Before I fell asleep

I remember, you said
you agreed with me.

'Willie, I was going
on trips like this'

when I was younger than Lynn.

I wouldn't have approved
of that either.

Well, I'm surprised
you let me go on our honeymoon.

Oh, that's just ludicrous.


What's going on?

Willie, I think that it's time

for you to step into the '80s.

Could we continue
this argument in private?

- Oh, argument, argument.
- Please?

I thought that this was
a difference of opinion!

- 'I was wrong.'
- Well.

That's not the only thing
you were wrong about.

- 'Says who?'
- 'You are so unreasonable.'

Told you this marriage
is on the rocks.

No, Julie, he hasn't called yet.

Well, how can he call
when you keep

calling to see if he called?

Quick! Quick! Hang up! Hang up!

Dial 9-1-1!

Nine, uno, uno!

I-I gotta go!
I'll talk to you later, bye!

Hurry up!

Wait a minute,
I don't smell smoke.

Where is it written
that all my emergencies

have to involve fire?


It's Willie and Kate.

They've been fighting
all night!

Were you listening
outside their door again?

Inside their door.

Under their bed.

Anyway, I distinctly
heard someone say

"Get off it!
It isn't ALF's fault."

That was probably mom.

Well, actually, it was me.

Then they walked out
on each other, Lynn.

I'm an orphan!

I don't want to be an orphan.
I saw "Annie."

Orphans have to eat gruel

and tap dance with mops.

Listen to me.

Mom and dad
haven't abandoned us.

They're having a little fight,
that's all.

I just hope mom wins,
so I can go on that ski trip.

They won't settle anything
without our help.

Our help?

Please, Lynn?

This is the only family
that I've got.

This is the only family
I've got.

Really? Well, no wonder
you're always hanging around.

Now, let's see.

How would we solve
this problem on Melmac?

Let me guess.

You'd play
tug-of-war with a cat.


That only takes
your mind off your troubles.

It never solves anything.

Well, wait. I remember.

To get a couple back together

we'd recreate the happiest
moment of their marriage.

I wonder what mom and dad's
happiest moment was.

The day they met me?

Think again.

The day after they met me.

Keep thinking.

I can't! My brain hurts!


Well, they're always
talking about

how much they enjoyed
their honeymoon.

Great! Yeah, yeah, that's it!

Let's recreate their honeymoon.

Where did they go?

Niagara Falls.

Oh, real original.

Well, what do you think?

You know, it does
look a little like

the hotel where
mom and dad stayed.

Quick, take your position.


'Ring the bell, Willie.'

What's going on h..

You said this was an emergency!

'Ring the bell, Willie!'

- What bell?
- 'Oh, sorry.'

'Ring the bell, Willie.'

You rang?

What's the emergency?

Ring the bell, Kate.

Tell us what the emergency is!

It'll be self-explanatory.

May I take your bags?

What bags?

Right there.

What are those doing up here?

Don't ask me. I just work here.

You must be Mr. and Mrs. Tanner.

Welcome to Niagara Falls.

- Niagara Falls?
- Yes.

See, ALF came up
with a way for you two

to stop being mad at each other.

We're not mad at each other.

Too late. We're going
through with this.

How do you do?

I am Fritz von Fingerhoff.

On behalf of my staff..

...welcome to the beautiful

Duke Of The Mist Hotel.

- Duke Of The Mist..
- Duke Of The Mist.

It's where we
spent our honeymoon.

Who's Fritz von Fingerhoff?

Beats me. I just liked the name.

So, I-I gather
this is supposed to be

kind of a second honeymoon
then, right?

Wrong, a first honeymoon.

Now, imagine

it's July 11th, 1967.

The summer of love.

Outside is Niagara Falls.


- I feel the spray.
- Shh-shh..


Willie Tanner
and Kate Halligan

have just been married.

Kate's mother Dorothy
cries buckets and buckets

before, during,
and after the ceremony.

How do you know so much
about our wedding?

I showed him
your wedding album.

Willie, never wear tails again.

- And, Kate...
- Careful!

You were a lovely bride.

Thank you.

Back to the wedding.

Willie's uncle Ned makes a scene

when he pops his suspenders
doing the twist.

You remember that?

I remember the look
on Aunt Agnes' face

when uncle Ned mooned the room.

Stretch, get them out of here.

Show them to their
honeymoon suite.

- Stretch?
- Yeah.

We couldn't get
the real Stretch.

He tried going over the falls
in a barrel in '72.

I emphasize the word "tried."

Right this way.

Oh, uh, thank you, Stretch.

Oh, wait. First, won't you
please sign the register?

Oh, the..

The, uh..

"Mr. & Mrs. Smith?"

Willie, that's the same joke
you tried 20 years ago.

The desk clerk didn't laugh
at it then either.

We checked it out.

Oh, uh, one more thing.

I trust you won't be stealing
our towels and ashtrays.

We'd never do a thing like that!

I found this in the basement.

Without further ado

I present the honeymoon sweet.

"Honeymoon sweet."

Wait a minute...
isn't someone gonna

carry the bride
over the threshold?


Okay, but if I get a hernia

you're looking at a lawsuit.

Come on, Kate.


- No.
- Go on, dad, pick her up.

Yeah, dad.
Whisk her off her feet.

Oh, what the heck.

Oh, honey! Ah.

Alright, Willie,
you Tarzan you!

What happened to our bedroom?

ALF redecorated it.
Tacky, huh?


You, you can see why

we keep this furniture
in the basement.

Well, I wanted
to put you in the mood.

I've turned the bedroom

into an exact replica

of your honeymoon suite.

Where did you get
this "Hotel" sign?

Well, remember that sign
that you had

that said, "Happy Noel?"

I'll bet you didn't know
I was a master glassblower.

I bet you didn't know
I bought that sign

for Lynn
for her first Christmas.

And I bet you didn't know

that I paid 200 dollars
for it either.

Well, there's so much
about each other

that we don't know.

May I put your bags down?

Certainly, my good man.

Why, thank you, Stretch!

Why, thank you.

Oh, someday
I want to have a little boy

just like Stretch!

If I can be
of further assistance

please don't hesitate to ask.

And a girl.

Like Consuela.

Oh, and if you make up your mind
about the ski trip

please notify the front desk.

Well, we've done our part.

Now it's your turn.

A nickel?

Don't expect clean sheets!

Well, this is kind of silly.


But, boy, this stuff

really brings back
memories, doesn't it?

It sure does.

Oh, Willie,
it seems like our honeymoon

was only yesterday.

Oh, you were so handsome.

I don't care what ALF says,
I loved you in tails.

I'll tell you one thing
that he got right.

- You sure were a lovely bride.
- Aw.

You know something?

You know what I remember most
about that day?


How much I loved you.

- And I still do.
- Oh, Willie.

I love you too.

Kate, I'm sorry
about our fight.

No, it wasn't a fight.

It was a difference of opinion.

- What?
- Oh, oh, uh..

No, I-I-I was just thinking.

Don't you remember
what happened just..

...on our honeymoon
just at that instant

we were starting
our first kiss?

The water pipes burst.

Go ahead, Willie,
give her a big smack!

Hit it, Brian!

No! No!

You want some more tea,

Oh, no. Thanks.
But leave the pot.

I want to bask in it's warmth.


- Shoot.
- No! Don't shoot!

I just want to ask you
a question.

- Ask.
- Are you mad at me?

You mean, because you,
you soaked us with a hose.

Ruined our mattress,
destroyed our wallpaper

and warped our floor?

Hey, don't forget,
I shorted out that hotel sign.

How can we forget?

That's when the fire department
hosed me down

for the second time.

So you are mad.

No, we're not.

Boy, what does it take?

The reason we're not mad at you

in spite of that hideous chain
of events

is because you were trying

to do something wonderful for us

and I think you did,
you helped us

put romance back in our lives'.

You mean I don't have
to do anymore?

Oh, what else
have you got planned?

Oh, nothing.

Let's think for a minute.

After the sturgeon in the tub..

Ah, we went to dinner
at that darling little cafe.

We, oh, we went to dinner

the table collapsed,
everything fell on the floor.


Pure co-incidence.

Honey, I just don't feel good
about leaving you like this.

Well, no, you go.

There's no use
both of us staying home

just because I'm sick.

Uh, say hello, say hello
to your mother for me.

Okay. Muah.

I'll be thinking about you.

Where's she going?

Oh, she's going
to her mother's.

Without you?

Oh, I get it.

Lynn's on her ski trip

and you don't trust me
to be alone.

No, sure we do,
ALF, but I'm sick.

I-I caught cold because somebody

hosed me down in my own bedroom.

Oh, baloney.

- ALF!
- Come on!

Get up and go to your

- No!
- Yes!



Gee, Willie,
you do look a little pale.

You might be coming down
with something.

- You better lie down.
- Oh, thanks.

That's a good idea.

- Let me tuck you in.
- Okay.

- There you go.
- Thanks, ALF.

You're a good friend.

Hey, anything for my Willie.

You want me to press my lips
up against your forehead?