AJ and the Queen (2020): Season 1, Episode 1 - New York City - full transcript

[twinkling chimes]

[dramatic piano music playing]

[kid]
It all started 'cause I needed money.

[crowd cheering in distance]

[kid] Yeah, I know, we all need money.

Except... maybe the Kardashians.

But since I didn't have a pushy mother,
I was on my own.

That's his favorite wig.

He calls it Little Orphan Diannie Ross.

There's a lot more I could say about him.

You'll see.



[miming to music]
♪ Never gonna be, no more, no more, no ♪

♪ Long nights, winter blues
Already paid the dues ♪

♪ I've changed my point of view ♪

♪ Baby, got a new attitude ♪

♪ Ruby is red-hot ♪

- ♪ Hot fire, nonstop ♪
- ♪ Nonstop ♪

- ♪ Who got what I got? ♪
- ♪ What she got ♪

♪ Nobody, nobody ♪

♪ Read my lips, hear what I said
You look hungry, ain't been fed ♪

♪ See that queen? Try her instead
Got a man up in my bed ♪

♪ Champagne bubbles in your head
But that credit score is dead ♪

♪ Library's open
And you have been read ♪

[audience cheers, whistles]

[kid] He thinks that this is his story.



He's wrong.

- [rap playing over car stereo]
- [vendor] Here you go, little man.

[kid] It's about me.

- [indistinct chatter]
- [siren wails in distance]

- [kid] Hey!
- [man 1] Yeah?

You bumped into me.

My bad. I didn't see you.

- How much was it?
- Three dollars.

Give him a five.

- Here, man.
- [woman] So sorry.

[blows]

- [kid] Hey!
- [man 2] Yeah?

You bumped into me.

[siren wails]

- ♪ Hey! Ruby is red-hot ♪
- ♪ Red-hot ♪

- ♪ Hot fire, nonstop ♪
- ♪ Nonstop ♪

- ♪ Who got what I got? ♪
- ♪ Oh, baby, baby ♪

♪ Nobody, nobody ♪

- [panting]
- [audience applauds and cheers]

She's really turning the party tonight.
Girl!

- Not bad for a senior citizen. [chuckles]
- Ah.

[audience continues cheering]

Thank you. Give me more.

No, really. [laughs] Ah-ah-ah.

I love it! Thank you.

Thank you so much.

Now, as you know,
tonight is my last performance

here at The Box.

- [audience jeers]
- Yes,

or, as we ladies affectionately call it
backstage, our smelly ol' box.

In six months,

I'll be opening my very own
brand-new, state-of-the-art club,

Queens in Queens.

[audience cheers]

Queens in where?

- [audience] Queens!
- That's right, honey.

Manhattan is over!

So, I'm inviting you all
to come see me at Queens in Queens,

where I will feature
all your favorite "ladies,"

- and, most importantly,
- [man 1] Yeah, baby!

my bartenders won't water down the drinks.

- [man 2] Ooh!
- [audience cheers and laughs]

[man 3] On fire, Ruby!

- [quietly] Grrrrrrrl!
- Ooh!

Thank you.

["Ruby is Red-Hot" playing over speakers]
♪ Ruby is red-hot ♪

Ruby Red, ladies and gentlemen!

The one, the only, Ruby Red!

[audience cheers]

- Give me this, girl. Give me this bag.
- Here you go, baby. Yeah.

- [announcer speaking indistinctly]
- You ladies can go home now.

- I got all the money.
- [performers chuckle]

Oh, so shady. [sighs]

Here. It's a goodbye gift.

It's a pair of 301s,

- so you don't have to steal my eyelashes.
- [Ruby chuckles]

Aw, it's almost as if we like each other.

Yeah, almost.

- [Ruby laughs]
- [owner] Ruby. Who do you think you are?

Out on my stage,
coming for me and my club?

And to think, I gave you your start.

Well, unless you're my aunt Charmaine

who let me parade around in her housecoat
while my mama was at work,

you did not give me my start.

[performers laugh]

That was a good one, Ruby, girl.

How would you know what's good?
I only put you on to clear the club

- so I can go home.
- [performers] Ooh!

- [performer 1] What?
- Oh, no. No.

No, no, no.

You leave Porkchop out of this.

You wanna come for me,
you come for me.

[owner] What?

You think just 'cause you saved up
some coin for your own place,

you can trash my club?

I don't have to trash your club, Tony.

Look around.

Your club is doing a good job
at being trash

- on its own.
- [performers] Ooh!

Who's she callin' trash?

And I did not "just" make some coin.
There is no "just" about it.

I have scrimped and saved
and gone without.

I've been patching up these fishnets
since June 2015.

[performers chuckle]

And that coin you referred to?
It's not coin, darling.

- It's $100,000.
- [performer 2] Oh, she got green!

[performers cheer]

- Bam!
- [performer 3] That's nice, honey.

That's right. And I worked hard
for every last mother-tuckin' penny,

bustin' my ass onstage
every night for years and years.

[laughing] And years.

Oh, you want in on this?

[gasps] No, ma'am.

- Okay.
- [performer 4] Oh, girl.

Bustin' my ass,
drivin' all over this country

in a rundown 1986 Ford Econoline.

[performer 5] Love the Econo, girl.

[sighs] But... that's all behind me now

because I'm opening up my own club,
with hot water and a hot man who loves me.

- [performers chatter]
- [Ruby] Mm-hmm.

And my man, he got a business degree.

[performers] Ooh!

That's right, he knows business,
and he knows what to do with my business.

[performers] Yeah!

- That's right, girl.
- [performer 6] Yeah, girl.

He's the Sonny to my Cher.

- [performer 7] Mm! Oh, oh!
- The Berry Gordy to my Diana Ross.

- [performers exclaim]
- He's the René to my... Celine.

[performers] Ooh!

- [performer 8] Yeah!
- You better hope your club's a success

'cause you'll never work here again.

Oh, I don't wanna work here again, honey.
That's the point.

For once in my life,
I won't have to answer to nobody.

- [performer 9] Preach on.
- I'll be my own man.

- Ugh.
- [performers] Yeah!

'Cause I've done too much soul-searchin'
and sacrificin'

to wind up stuck here like you, Tony,

a shady, cheap queen
overcharging bachelorette parties

and going home alone
to a life of Netflix and Nicorette.

[performers laugh and chatter]

- [performer 10] Strut it, girl.
- And that's why she's named Ruby Red.

'Cause when she reads you,
you been read.

- [performer 11] Uh-huh! Yes!
- [performers laugh and chatter]

["Walk It Off" playing]

♪ Walk, walk, walk... ♪

Hey, baby, you want a date?

♪ Walk, walk, walk ♪

You want a date?

Too late, girl.
You're, like, in slow-motion and shit.

Go! Go, hookers! Go!

Better go, hookers!

[instrumental music playing over speakers]

[owner] Ugh! Those hookers are worse
than the rats out in back.

We'll have our usual.

- One...
- Yeah, yeah, one duck, crispy.

Dumplings, steamed not fried.

White or brown rice?

Oh, no, thanks. No rice for me.

Have some rice. You're too thin.

That is the nicest thing
anyone's ever said to me.

[Ruby and man chuckle]

[waiter] What about you? White or brown?

Brown.

I love me some brown.

[chuckles softly]

Thank you, Mr. Hong.

And can you please split that duck for us
and no skin on his half?

[Mr. Hong] Yeah, yeah, the usual.

Same order, same booth. Every night.

[shouts in Chinese]

Mr. Hong, you know,
you don't have to split the duck,

if that's what she's upset about.

- I forgot our anniversary.
- Oh, damn, dude.

You can't forget an anniversary.

Love needs some love.

Seven months for us next week.

Yeah, seven months along,
and I'm not even showing.

- [continues shouting in Chinese]
- [pots clatter]

I didn't get her a gift.

[gasps] Oh, you know...

[quietly] Give her this.

They're false eyelashes.
She's gonna love 'em.

- [chuckles]
- [Ruby] Go.

[Mrs. Hong continues shouting]

I love that we have a "usual."
And I love that this is our booth.

[man] It is.

And this...

this...

[sighs happily]...is our club.

[Ruby gasps]

I picked up the blueprints
from the architect earlier today.

This is even better than the rice.

Okay, look.

Okay...

Come on. So...

once we move this wall right here,

you see how it opens up the stage

- to the entire bar area.
- Ah!

- Yeah.
- Yeah.

- Wow. This is all really happening.
- [sighs]

Yeah. Yeah, it's really happening.

[sighs happily]

Oh! I have something for you.

These came today.

Matching credit cards.

And the best part is every time
we charge something for the club,

we get airline miles.

So not only am I getting a club,
I'm getting a vacation.

I'm thinking Greece.

Baby... [clicks tongue]
...we will get to Greece eventually,

but this first year has gotta be
all about the work, right? You know?

It's gotta be
about getting the club off the ground.

We gotta be very careful
how we use these.

- Only work-related, right?
- Right.

- [cell phone vibrates]
- [man] Hey, it's my sister.

- Tell her I said, "Hey, girl."
- You tell her.

- [Ruby] Hey, girl.
- [man] Hey.

I'm here with Robert. What's up, Maria?

[Maria] My babysitter called in sick.

- Can't stay with Mama. Can you come home?
- [clicks tongue]

Uh, well, we were gonna go back
to Robert's place tonight,

celebrate his last night in town
before the tour.

No, go. Your mother's more important.

And, Maria,
make sure you tell her I said that.

I want those extra points
when I finally get to meet y'all.

- [whispers] You sure? Okay.
- [Maria] Oh, that's so nice of you Robert.

I'm on my way, okay?

[in Spanish] Tell Mom I'll be there soon.

I'll meet you tomorrow, okay?
At the lease signing.

2:00 p.m. Don't be late.

All right.
Uh, don't forget the blueprints.

Nah, I'll leave those here with you
in our booth. [chuckles]

Wait, here? In front of the Hongs?

[laughs nervously]

[both chuckle softly]

[door chime beeps]

Hmm...

[laughs] Ah.

[softly] Fabulous.

- You know it.
- [Robert chuckles]

[indistinct chatter]

["Walk It Off" playing]

Give me five dollars.

Excuse me?

Give me five dollars.

Aren't you the kid who lives above me?

Yeah. Give me five dollars.

First off, it's not,
"Give me five dollars."

It's, "Give me five dollars,"
and then, "please."

Okay. So...

give me five dollars, please.

What do you need it for?

The dentist.

Cracked my tooth.

Let me see.

It's in the back.

Okay, let me see.

I said it's in the back.

[chuckles, sighs]

Come on, man.

I've gotta pay Verizon
so they don't shut my phone off.

Is that my problem?

No. You dress like a chick.
You got bigger problems.

- [scoffs] Where's your mother?
- [kid] I don't know.

In a car somewhere
with her head in some stranger's lap.

Hey, careful now. That's your mama.

Someone should tell her that.

[dog barks]

Here.

That's it?

Man, I owe 120.

Come on, make it rain.

I know you got more, bitch.

Yeah, I got mo', bitch.

I got a whole wheelie bag
full of bills here,

but you ain't getting none of it,
not with that attitude.

In fact...

Hey.

I'll give you a ten,

but you gotta carry my bag upstairs
for it.

Yeah, right.

[scoffs]

[dogs barking]

Hush! It's the middle of the night.

[dogs continue barking]

- Surprise!
- [both laugh]

Hold on. I don't smell no Gucci cologne.

Where's the beefy burrito?

He couldn't come.

So I hope you didn't do all that for him.

Oh, no, I did this for me

and the perv across the way
with the binoculars.

Hey, Jamal.

[both laugh]

He had to go home
and take care of his mother.

- He'll meet us over at the lease signing.
- Hot and loves his mama?

Child, I told you he was a keeper.
[chuckles]

Who's that big cake for?

Oh, that's for you and Hector Hot Sauce.
[grunts]

Well, I don't eat cake, and he's not here.

Oh, well, I guess it's for me, then.
[chuckles]

You're diabetic.

A diabetic person can eat
anything anyone else can eat.

They just have to be
far more careful about it.

Now, that's a quote from the WebMD,
so you know it's true. [chuckles]

Uh-huh. Interesting you can read all that,
you being blind and all.

Don't put limits on me, bitch.

They got Braille computers at the liberry.

Now, be quiet
and hand me a damn cake knife.

I don't know why I'm surprised
you know anything.

You've somehow still figured out
how to do that flawless face.

Ah, well, it's called M and M:
memory and magic.

[chuckles] You don't have to see to "see."

Oh, Louis, that is way too big.

Oh, well, how am I supposed to know?
I'm blind, bitch.

Pfft.

Tony at the club
tried to come for me again tonight.

Ugh, that man is pure evil.

Plus, he has a problem
with the handicapable.

He would not hire a fabulous entertainer
like Cocoa Butter,

just because I'm vision-impaired.

You fell off the stage.

Once! And Miss Butter got right back up.

She always does.

Mm-mm-mm!

That is worth dyin' for.

- [chuckles]
- [Louis] Mm-mm!

Mm. Now come over here, so we can toast
your fabulous, fabulous new life.

- [cork pops]
- Whoo!

Careful now!
You gon' try to blind me too?

Oh, well, you would love it.

Think of all the ugliness
you wouldn't have to see.

- [Louis chuckles]
- [champagne pouring]

Girl, you did it.

You set your goal, and you went for it.
You went for it all.

You got the money and the man

and the modus operandi.

Okay, someone's a fan of Law & Order.

And you got that thing
that's most important in this world.

A reason to get up every morning.

So here's to my sister, my favorite queen.
To Queens in Queens.

I'm so proud of you. [chuckles]

[Robert] Wait, okay, okay...

- Stop, stop, stop.
- [Louis laughs]

[glasses clink]

Oh, I love that bit. [chuckles]

Well, I couldn't have done it
without one person who is...

very near and dear to me.

Aw.

- Oprah.
- Uh, who?

Without all her old talk shows
as inspiration.

I'd still be working the post office
in Atlanta.

Oprah taught me how to dream.
[chuckles softly]

She may have taught you how to dream,

but I taught you
how to put a condom on in the dark.

And which one's more important?

You.

Hey! Come back here.

[sighs]

[lock clicks]

[exhales] That kid's in a world of hurt.

FYI, I'm wearing a bow tie,
and it's really kind of adorable.

[both chuckle]

[Robert] Okay,
it's right up here on the right. Hmm.

Kind of a tight fit,
but I'm gonna try to fit in.

Not the first time I heard that.

[laughing] Shout-out, Jamal.

[chuckles]

[Robert] Here, have a seat.

I smell black mold.

Why it gotta be black?

Ah, so what happened?

Weren't there any grease traps
available to rent in this area?

Pay no attention to him, Mr. Murphy.

He's not in the club business.

In fact, he can't even see.

Whatever.
Let's do the deposit and sign the lease.

I got an AA meeting.
Then I gotta go sell some coke.

Well, I was hoping to wait
for my business partner.

Um, signing this lease
is a big event in our lives.

Yeah. Well, not for me.
I'm gonna go give this to my father.

And if he comes in here, uh...

don't mention the coke.

[quietly] He's so proud
of how I turned my life around. [scoffs]

Hey, glad you came.
Thanks for the support.

And make no mistake, honey,

after the renovations,
this place is gonna be amazing.

- It's so frustrating you can't see.
- Oh, it's frustrating for you?

And when we blow through this wall,
it's gonna make room...

for my glorious new stage

with its 25-foot runway.

Its what?

- Twenty-five-foot runway.
- Oh, are you bringin' it to the runway?

Oh, yes, honey.
I'm going to bring it to the runway.

[Louis] Oh!

- ["Me Too" playing on phone]
- Bringing it.

- Oh!
- [Louis laughs]

- Oh.
- [Louis] Oh, bringin' it to the runway.

- Bringing it to the runway.
- [Louis] Oh.

- Ow.
- Are you walking?

- [Robert] You know it.
- [chuckles]

Serving on my runway.

- [Louis] Yes!
- Runway.

- Come here, you better get some of this.
- All right. [grunts]

- Hey.
- [Louis] Oh.

- [Robert] Ooh.
- [Louis] Uh-huh.

- [Robert] Sell it. Come on, baby.
- Yes!

What?

- Okay, yeah.
- Oh.

Oh, go.

Yes.

- ♪ I thank God every day... ♪
- [both chuckle]

- ♪ That I woke up feelin' this way... ♪
- [both exclaim]

[Louis] Yes.

[Robert] Yes, darling.

Queens is burning.

- Yes! Yeah!
- [Robert laughs]

- Oh, girl, I'm dizzy.
- [Robert] Ooh, child.

Ooh, here, come on. Sit down.

- Just... just a little light-headed.
- I know, I know.

All I had for breakfast this morning
was some non-fat yogurt.

- See, I knew eating healthy would kill me.
- Well, you had better get it together.

Because when this place opens,

Miss Cocoa Butter

is gonna be doing two shows

every Saturday night.

Girl?

- I will?
- [Robert] Uh-huh. Hell, yeah.

Every queen needs a princess
who's not quite as pretty or talented.

- Ah!
- [both laugh]

Card was declined.

Oh, been there, done that,
will be there again. [chuckles]

Oh, that's not possible.

I... I've never even used this card before.

Uh, I... I'll call American Express.
Uh, tell him this card is new, Louis.

Brand-new. Just came in the mail.

- Two cards. One for him,
- [phone dialing]

and one for his business partner.

Oh, shit.

The same business partner
who didn't show up today?

[Louis] Oh, shit.

Uh, Louis, please stop
"oh, shittin'" yourself.

There must be a mistake. I mean... I...

You know what?
I'll put it on speaker so you can all hear

that there is nothing to worry about.

How long is this gonna take?

I gotta pee into a cup
for my parole officer.

[on speakerphone] American Express,
this is Monica. How can I help you today?

Yes. Hi, Monica.

I have a new card here,

and there's a problem
with it going through.

[Monica]
State your name as it appears on the card.

Robert Lincoln Lee.

My yoga teacher's got three names.

Shiva David Stephens.

[Monica] Robert, I have your records here,

and I see
that your account has been maxed out.

[Louis and Murphy] Oh, shit.

Wait, that's... that's not possible.
I've never even used this card.

[Monica] I'm seeing
this is a joint account.

Can you contact the other cardholder?

Well, he was supposed to be here,
but he's late.

[Monica] Oh, shit.

[police siren wails]

Help, help! We been robbed.

- We been robbed!
- [man] All right, all right.

Calm down, Viola Davis.

Okay, so somebody's been robbed?

Yes, yes, he lost all his money,

and I lost my ability to believe
in a happy ending.

Officer,

my boyfriend,
or the man I thought was my boyfriend,

maxed out the credit card I gave him,

and we just came from where he lives,
or where he told me he lives,

and it was a Kentucky Fried Chicken.

Why would you give your credit card

to a man whose apartment
you'd never been to?

Okay, I'm gonna need to speak
to a female officer.

Why would you give a credit card

to a man whose apartment
you've never even been to?

Ooh, enough said. Can I see your phone?

Mm!

Mm-hmm.

- Officer Patrick.
- Yo!

Can I talk to you
about a suspect over here?

What'd he do?

- And can he do it to me?
- [both chuckle]

We got a gay cop. Lucky for us.

Uh-huh. Yeah, aren't we lucky?
You're blind, and I'm broke.

Please, Officer.

You have to help me.

I got you, boo.

Pat. I need that phone back.

- Oh, sure.
- Give me the phone. Stop playing.

Okay.

Now, what do you know
about your boyfriend,

other than he does not live
at Kentucky Fried Chicken?

His name is Hector Ramirez,
and he has a business degree from...

[gasps] No... No, he probably doesn't.

My God, I am so stupid.

No, sir. Don't do that.
Don't blame yourself.

These con artists are professionals.

They are slick, manipulative, heartless...

Like my ex-husband... but with cash.

Hold up. Let me see that phone again.

- Uh-uh. You...
- Hey, hey, hey, hey. Hey, hey.

It's work-related.

[both] This time.

See? [laughs]

- It's him.
- Yeah, I thought so.

His face looks different
when he's not smiling, but, oh,

those guns are definitely the same.

He's cut, right here above the tricep,
like mine, you see?

Uh, he's blind.

Oh, I just thought he was glamorous.

- Sorry.
- Oh, don't be.

Makes all my other senses
much more sensitive.

- May I feel?
- Uh, sure.

Oh.

- [officer] Pat.
- He's blind. He needs a moment.

Patrick.

[Louis] Mm-hmm.

[officer] Yes. All right, let's see.

Hmm.

Damien Sanchez.

- No, it's Hector Ramirez.
- [officer] No, it's Damien Sanchez.

But I... I didn't even know his real name.

I am so stupid!

No, you're doing it to yourself again.

I know because I do it too.

Damien? Like The Omen, Damien?

666, the devil, Damien?

[officer] Mm-hmm.
And this is one bad dude.

Robbery, aggravated assault...

- Hot.
- Hot.

Credit card theft with his wife.

- What? His wife?
- [officer] Mm-hmm.

So, what?
He's straight and he's the devil?

Oh, girl,
you know the devil's gonna be straight.

A gay devil would be tons more fun.

These are photos of possible accomplices.

Come on, Law & Order.

Do any of these look familiar?

- No.
- [officer] Okay.

No. Uh-uh.

[Robert] Yes. Lady Danger.

She hosts illegal pumping parties
at the drag clubs.

Pumping parties?

Is that where guys use those vacuum tubes
to pump up their...

- [Robert] No.
- Let him finish.

She pumps cheap medical-grade silicone

to give some of the girls at the clubs
a little more girl.

But sometimes, it's not silicone.

Sometimes, it's motor oil.

That's why she's Lady Danger.

[both] 'Cause you never know.

[officer chuckles]

- I have a question.
- Single.

Is there any way that Lady Danger
could have known about your finances?

Well...

Oh, yes, sis.

I saved me up $100,000.

Wow.

A hundred thousand dollars.

- Look at you, Mr. Big Shot.
- [Robert chuckles]

Now hold still
while I give you this big shot.

[shouting] Watch where you're going!
I could have killed her!

[door opens, closes]

Didn't even wash her hands.

What a pig.

[Robert grunts] Hurts so good.

I may have mentioned something
about the money in passing.

Well, if we can get her
on the illegal drugs,

and she knows about
this Damien guy's whereabouts,

I may be able to flip her.

I bet you could flip anyone,
no matter the size.

[officer] Ah, since you know her,

maybe we could use your apartment
for a sting.

I can't. I leave tomorrow
for a cross-country club tour

for eight weeks.

Well, what about your friend here?

Would you help us by setting up a sting?

- What, you want to come to my apartment?
- Yes.

You don't have to ask me twice.

- [sniffs]
- [shouts] Uh... What the hell was that?

Shit.

[door opens]

[Louis] I can't believe he told you
he lived at KFC.

Silver lining. We got us some chicken.

I always knew that man was trouble. Mm.

[Robert]
Since when? You were his biggest fan.

"Ooh, girl, that man's a keeper."

"Girl,
you better never let go of that one."

"Ooh, girl,
if you don't marry him, I will."

No.

- Doesn't ring a bell.
- [Robert sighs]

Girl, why'd you stop?

I've lost my will to climb.

Just a couple more. Just go.

What's the point?

The point is,
we don't live between these two floors.

Now take out your keys.

[Robert] What's the point?

[Louis] How many more times
I gonna hear you say that?

Hmm, I-I'm fine with it,
but aren't you gonna hit the lights?

Why start now?

I've been living in the dark
for the past seven months.

Maybe don't make
"living in the dark" jokes

to a blind person.

What do I do now?

Leg?

I can't eat.

Me either.

But I'll try.
I gotta keep up my strength. Mm.

So I can be there for you.

[sighs] I've lost my modus operandi.

My reason to get up in the morning.

Then...

we got to give you a new one.

Oh, I don't think you have anything
in that bag for me, Mr. Wizard.

Don't be too sure of that, Dorothy.

Now, I was saving these

for your Queens in Queens
opening night gift,

- but that's not happening.
- So far, not feeling any better.

[Louis] Open it.

You feeling better?

They're very nice.

Nice?

Girl, I almost went blind all over again
stoning these.

Thank you.

Come on,
let's put on your Ruby Red slippers.

Here.

Talking about my hot man
and my perfect relationship.

Talking about how
he's a René to my Celine.

Turned out to be the Ike
to my Tina. [scoffs]

I thought we had something.

And the kisses, they...

they felt so real.

A hundred thousand dollars real.

[Robert] Well, that's it for me.

My love life is over.

I mean...

even if I could learn
to trust a man again,

where would I find one?

I mean, you know how hard it is
to get someone to fall in love

with a 40-year-old drag queen?

- Wait, are you stuck?
- Yeah, on the fact you said you were 40.

[Robert] Louis, please.

I have nothing.
I have no money, no love.

Can't I at least be 40?

You do not have nothing.

You got these boots. You got me.

Now, come on, get up.

Come on, girl.

[sighs]

You feelin' 'em yet?

The only thing I'm feelin'
is sorry for myself.

Oh, is that how it is? [chuckles]

[playing "I Will Survive"]

♪ At first, I was afraid ♪

♪ I was petrified ♪

♪ Kept thinking I could never live
Without him by my side ♪

You feeling them yet?

♪ But then I spent so many nights ♪

♪ Thinking how he did me wrong ♪

♪ And I grew strong ♪

Mm.

♪ And I learned how to get along ♪

♪ Go on, now, go ♪

♪ Walk out the door ♪

♪ Just turn around now ♪

♪ 'Cause you're not welcome anymore ♪

Come on, girl!

♪ Weren't you the one
Who tried to hurt me with goodbye ♪

♪ Did you think I'd crumble? ♪

You feeling 'em? Come on!

♪ Did you think I'd lay down and die? ♪

♪ Oh no, not I ♪

- Whoo!
- [Louis] ♪ I will survive ♪

♪ Oh, as long as I know how to love
I know I'll stay alive ♪

♪ I got all my life to live
And I got all my love to give ♪

- ♪ And I'll survive ♪
- ♪ I will survive ♪

♪ Yes, I will survive ♪

- [Robert] ♪ I will survive ♪
- ♪ Hey, hey ♪

Whoo! You're right, Louis.

You're right.
You know, I don't have nothin'.

I have these fabulous boots.

I have you.

And I still have the money I made
last night at the club over there on...

Oh, hell no!

Oh, hell no!

What happened?
Where are you going?

Upstairs. That little white kid
stole the rest of my money. Damn!

["I Will Survive" playing]
♪ Go on, now, go ♪

♪ Walk out the door ♪

♪ Just turn around now ♪

♪ 'Cause you're not welcome anymore ♪

♪ Weren't you the one
Who tried to hurt me with goodbye? ♪

- ♪ Did you think I'd crumble? ♪
- [knocking] Open up!

♪ Did you think I'd lay down and die?
Oh, no, not I ♪

- [Robert] Give me my money!
- ♪ I will survive ♪

♪ Oh, as long as I know how to love
I know I'll stay alive ♪

♪ I've got all my life to live
And I've got all my love to give ♪

♪ And I'll survive, I will survive ♪

♪ Hey, hey ♪

[dogs barking]

[Louis] Careful!
Those boots will kill you.

Somebody gon' get killed,
and it ain't gonna be me.

Well, don't die.
My name is not on the lease.

Everybody thinks
they can just steal from me.

Take what's mine.
Well, that ends tonight.

♪ It took all the strength I had ♪

♪ Not to fall apart ♪

♪ Kept trying hard
To mend the pieces of my broken heart ♪

♪ And I spent oh, so many nights
Just feeling sorry for myself ♪

- ♪ I used to cry ♪
- [dogs barking]

♪ But now I hold my head up high
And you see me ♪

♪ Somebody new ♪

♪ I'm not that chained-up little person
Still in love with you ♪

♪ And so, you felt like droppin' in ♪

♪ And just expect me to be free... ♪

- ♪ Now I'm saving all my lovin' ♪
- That's my money!

♪ For someone who's lovin' me
Go on, now, go, ♪

♪ Walk out the door ♪

- ♪Just turn around now ♪
- Open this damn window!

♪ 'Cause you're not welcome anymore ♪

♪ Weren't you the one
Who tried to break me with goodbye ♪

♪ Did you think I'd crumble?
Did you think I'd lay down and die? ♪

♪ Oh no, not I ♪

♪ I will survive ♪

♪ Oh, as long as I know how to love
I know I'll stay alive ♪

♪ I've got all my life to live
And I've got all my love to give ♪

♪ And I'll survive, I will survive ♪

- ♪ Oh! ♪
- Get out of my apartment, bitch.

I'll call the cops.

I am the mother-effin' cops.

[crying] I'm hungry!

I'm hungry!

That's why I took the money.

My mother never came home. We got evicted.

I've been sneaking in here every night
'cause I have no place else to go.

I'm hungry!

[sobs] Please! Please.

Don't hurt me!

Okay. All right.

Don't cry. It's okay.
I'm not gonna hurt you.

[kid sobs]

Okay. Stop crying.

Come on. Let's get you something to eat.

You see that, Robert?

Just when you think you have nothin',

you meet somebody with even less.

[Robert] Yeah.

I'm not there yet.

Any more gravy?

No, that was the last of three.

Okay, now I'm there.

Well...

I'd better go start packing.

While I'm gone,
don't let the kid eat the table.

[sighs] And I thought
this was gonna be my last tour.

[mournful piano music plays]

Okay, this is my last message.

I don't know why you did this to me.

To us.

Maybe you have some...

drug problem
or something I don't know about, but...

it's not too late to give the money back.

No questions asked, no trouble.

You can't give me my life back, but...

you can give me my money.

[sighs]

So your name's AJ.

What does AJ stand for?

Asshole Jerk-off.

[chuckles] Interesting how sometimes
someone gets a name that just suits them.

So, how long has your mother been gone?

None of your damn business.

So, what?

Are you blind?

Yes. I could've responded
with "none of your damn business,"

but I'm a nice person.

- Were you born blind?
- [Louis] No.

God took my sight
when I was about your age

for giving shit to nice adults.

You think you're funny?

Oh, I know I'm funny. [chuckles]

I had a diabetic stroke at 28.

Right after
I told my very Christian father

that I was a drag queen.

Turns out he was fine with it,

but I'm the one who had the stroke.

A month.

She's been gone a month.

You've been upstairs alone a month?

I was in foster care for three weeks.

What was that like?

So cool. Loved it.

Well, AJ...

life isn't easy.

It is for you.
You get disability insurance.

[laughs]

And here she is.

Miss Scarlett Jo-handsome. [chuckles]

Jesus Christ, you're gay.

Thank you.

Hey! Those are mine.

Oh, don't worry, AJ.

We've got a big ol' chocolate cake
left here in the refrigerator.

Louis.

It was calling to me
in the middle of the night.

Help me pack this dress up for Texas.

[Robert] Come on, sis.
I got the vacuum cleaner.

You start stuffing Scarlett into the bag.

Uh... what... Why in hell you gonna take
a dress this big in an RV that small?

I need her to win me
that big chunk of pageant money

at my last stop in Dallas.

If I don't win Miss Drag USA,
I'll be Miss Drag-Her-Ass-To-Welfare.

I feel bad for little bits over there.

I know, it's so sad.

What should we do?

Oh, so now you want to get involved
with another thief?

He's only a child. Don't call him a thief.

- Thief!
- [Louis stammers]

- You get back here.
- [AJ yells]

Get me...

No!

Leave me alone.

- Give me something to tie him up, Louis.
- [Louis] I'm on it.

I'm on it. I don't know what's happenin',
but I'm on it.

[screams] Ow!

- You're hurting me.
- [Robert] Oh, please.

They're just pantyhose.

And you can save the tears.
I'm not falling for that again.

[screams]

It's like the time
that cat got trapped in the bedroom wall.

[continues screaming]

Okay, stop.

I will put a nylon into your mouth,

which I cannot promise
hasn't been on his foot.

Okay, wise choice.

Now, I'm gonna go in the hall
and make a phone call.

And if the screaming starts again,

sock him.

I mean, put a sock in his mouth.

Don't hit him.

Girl, you think you have to remind me
not to hit a child?

Who do you think I am?
That mother in Precious?

[Robert] Yeah, Queens, New York.

Yeah, the number
for Child Protective Services?

No! Untie me!

No! [panting]

I'm sorry about this, AJ.

Life sure has thrown you some curves,

but you gonna have to find
your way around those.

Take me.

Yes, life has made me blind,

but when I'm in drag... [chuckles softly]
...my face is flawless

and people are amazed. [mock gasps] Mm.

'Cause this goes to places
you can't even imagine.

And when they ask me how I do it,

I tell them,
in spite of all the obstacles in your way,

you have to find a way

to make your life work.

And that is my advice to you, young one.

Yes, God.

And things are tough right now,

but they'll change,

and then you won't feel so trapped.

Louis, he's gone.

You let him get away.

Well, next time
don't make the blind guy the lookout.

You did not hear him?

I thought you said your other senses
were supposed to be stronger.

Oh, hell, no.
That's just one of my pickup lines.

No way. I'm at capacity, child.
I had to put dresses on the floor.

Plus I ain't got ceiling room
for 20 feet of hair.

I knew I was making her too tall,
but, girl, I was feelin' it.

- [chuckles]
- All right, well, that's it. I should go.

- [Louis] Mm-hmm.
- [Robert] You take care of yourself.

No cakes and no doughnuts while I'm gone,
you hear me?

Yes, ma'am.

I wonder where AJ slept last night.

With the game that kid's running,
probably a suite at the Four Seasons.

You did what you could.

Can't help people that don't want help.

Like you said,

I got problems of my own.

Mm-hmm.

You gonna be okay?

Sure.

I'm gonna get in this RV,
turn the key,

drive on up
to the George Washington Bridge,

and then...

drive right off of it.

[Louis] Or...

you're gonna pick yourself up
and get back in the game.

Now, you've come too far
to let some deadbeat devil stop your flow.

[Robert] Mm-hmm.

You get back on the road,
and you do what you do best.

You're still a star, Robert.

No one can steal that away from you.

Hm. You know, I just realized.

I could never start all over again

without the help
of one very special person in my life.

Aw.

Oprah.

And her tapes.

I'm gonna rewatch 'em all over again
for inspiration.

And to figure out how I let myself
get screwed over by some guy.

And maybe someday
I'll get credit for all this brilliance.

- [engine starts]
- ♪ Uh ♪

["Walk It Off" playing]

Girl, you hungry?

♪ Walk, walk, walk ♪

[Louis] What is this? Excuse me.

I... I said, excuse me!

Hey, you want a girlfriend?

Not since kindergarten.

- Are those doughnuts?
- Yes.

You hungry?

What kind are they?

Girl, you sleepin' next to my stoop.
You ain't got time to be picky.

[woman] Mm.

These look good.

Hold that box up. Hold it up. Hold it...

Mm. This one feels glazed.

I like your hair.

[Louis] I know you do.

["Walk It Off" continues playing]

Hey, you want a girlfriend?

[Oprah on recording] I don't have a lot
of problems, I have to tell you.

Things are going pretty good
for me right now.

But two things have bugged me for years.
The first, my thighs.

- The second...
- [audience laughs]

...ooh. The second, my love life.

And it was not a happy day

when I found out
about a Yale University study

saying that women not married
by the age of 40, I'm 32,

have a greater chance
of being killed by a terrorist.

- [audience laughs]
- [Oprah] Can you believe it?

- So, today, how to find a husband...
- [crying softly]

...how to find a wife.

And if you already have a mate,
how to keep the one you have

from all of us single people
who want 'em.

- [applause]
- [Oprah] This is what we've been hearing.

I'm sure you've heard this,
those who've been single for a while.

You really need to stop looking,
and putting so much...

[sobbing]

[Oprah] I've gone to many a banquet
I didn't want to go to

- thinking that he'd be here.
- [horn honks]

[Oprah]
You walk into the room and you say,

"Okay, God, I'm not looking, but..."

[horns honking]

[Oprah] "Maybe, uh...
maybe he's over behind the piano."

- You know, I've done that.
- [AJ] Ow!

- Get off me!
- What? What?

- What?
- [AJ] Get...

[Robert] How... What?

- [horn blares]
- [Robert] How did you...

You're a girl?

Shut up.

What... How...
What are you doing in here?

Take me to Texas.

What?

I heard you say you were going to Texas.

That's where my grandfather lives.
Take me to Texas.

I am not taking you to Texas.
I'm taking you to the nearest police.

- No way.
- Hey, hey, hey.

- [truck horn blares]
- [Robert] What... what are you doing?

We're on a bridge.
You're gonna get yourself killed.

No, I won't. Let go.

I'm going to Texas.

- Let's just talk about this.
- No talk!

Texas! Yes or no?

No! No, that's crazy.

Stop.

[horn blaring]

[Robert] Wait.

You hungry?

[dramatic piano music playing]

[AJ] Poor guy.

He never saw what was coming next.

["Ruby Is Red Hot" playing]
♪ Ruby is red hot ♪

♪ Hot fire nonstop ♪

♪ Who got what I got? ♪

♪ Nobody, nobody ♪

♪ Ruby is red hot ♪

♪ Hot fire nonstop ♪

♪ Who got what I got? ♪

♪ Ruby is red hot ♪

♪ Hot fire nonstop ♪

♪ Who got what I got? ♪

♪ Nobody, nobody ♪

♪ Ruby is red hot ♪

♪ Hot fire nonstop ♪

♪ Who got what I got? ♪

♪ Nobody, nobody ♪

[twinkling chimes]