ABC Weekend Specials (1977–1995): Season 12, Episode 1 - Ralph S. Mouse - full transcript

Living in the Mountain View inn, Ralph S Mouse and his friend Ryan comes up with a plan to help Matt, the bellboy who was forced to leave.

Boring, boring, boring.

There's nothing to do here.

Let's ride your motorcycle,
Uncle Ralph!

I can't understand
a word you're saying.

You're all talking at once!

Let's ride
your motorcycle!


Aw, we can't go down the hall.

Old mouse-hater will see us.

No, no, no.

No, no, no.
I promised not to ride the halls

until everyone's in bed.

Poor old man
will get into big trouble again

if anyone sees us.

What's this?

Mouse munchies!


You're a liar, Uncle Ralph.
Shame on you!

No, no, don't worry.

No one's gonna see this mouse.

All right, guys. Here he comes.

Get ready!

You're coming to a dead end,

We want that motorcycle.

Whoa! Argh!

Not those country mice again.

Out of the way!

Go get him, fellas!

Don't let him get away!

-Watch out!
-Watch it! Watch it!

-Go get him, fellas!
-Come on!

He makes me so mad!

I told you left,
not right.

I told you to look at the map.

I told you to look at the map.

Did you even bring a map?

William, I don't like
the looks of this place.

Look at all these animals!

For heaven's sake, Deborah.
There's a blizzard out there.

Let's take what we can get.

Hello. Welcome
to the Mountain View Inn.

We're looking
for a room for tonight.

A room with no animals, please.


Stay out of sight! The guests!


Keep an eye out
for those country mice.

They're after me again.

Why are they always
bothering you?

They're just jealous
of the wheels.

I mean, who wouldn't be?


you gonna eat those
peanut butter cookies

all by yourself?

Help yourself.

Then you better
scoot out of here.


There he is. After him, fellas!

Here they are again.

Hate to eat and run,
but gotta go!

Try room seven.

Come on, fellas.

Matt, would you kindly show
the Spritzes to their room?

Room seven.



Why don't you give them
room number five?

I said seven.

the best room in the house.

Clean, quiet, modern.


-Ralph, come out.
-Don't let him get away!

Ralph, come out. Hurry up.

Room seven, right this way.
Room seven, right this way.


Did he come out?

-What seems to be the problem?
-Mice! Big ones!

And a little one
riding a motorcycle.

A mouse riding a motorcycle?

It's true. Tell him, William.

Well, I was just taking off
my shoes

and I wanted to relax,
sit down--

It was making these
weird noises! It was like...

Madam, you have my guarantee

there are absolutely no mice
in this hotel.

none that ride motorcycles.

What do you call that?

I don't see
what you're talking about.

Get the door, William.
And put your shoes on.

But you'll miss
our mountaineer's breakfast!


Didn't I tell you
to get rid of those mice?

Yes. Yes, yes, but I thought--

Well obviously,
you thought wrong.

I'll take care of it
first thing in the morning.

Well, you better.

Because if I see another mouse
on the premises

you're fired.

Yes, sir.

He can't fire you, Matt.

Can he?

Wipe that smile
off your face, Mr. Minch.

'Cause I got something
to say to you.

When you mess
with my friend Matt,

you're messing with me!

What's the use.

He's never going
to listen to me.

If I stay,
my best friend will be fired.

If I go,
I'll be eaten by an owl or...

...I'll freeze.

I don't think anything
could make me feel worse.



I'm not happy.

What time is it?

I kind of think
it's time for me to go.

Okay, right.

Go. Gone.
Out into the woods, forever!

What are you talking about?

I'm talking about leaving.

If I don't go,
Matt'll get fired.

But... but I don't know
where to go.

Can we talk about this later?

Sure. Don't let me bother you
with my little troubles.

Ryan, better get a move on.

You'll miss
the school bus again.

I'm gonna go downstairs
and start cooking.

Of course!


A brilliant idea.

Why didn't I think
of that before?

What are you talking about?

- You can't go to school.
- But, why not?

For one,
somebody might step on you.

I can take care of myself.

I just started at this school,

no one knows me,
I just busted a spelling test,

and everybody thinks I'm stupid.

You're not going to school.

Yes, I am.

No, you're not.

Yes, I am.

Hurry up, Ryan.
You'll miss the bus.

Look, you're not coming
to school with me

and that's final.

Yes, I am.

Hey, Ryan.
You pack my motorcycle?

Yes, Ralph.

You gave me your word.
Now stay down.

Got anything in your pocket?
I'm starving!

I think there's some cookies
in my lunch.

My lunch!

It's all chewed up.

You call that little snack
a lunch?

You ate my...

Here comes trouble.

Hey, watch the box.

Hi, Melissa.

Sorry, Brad. This seat's taken.

Yeah. I'm taking it.

- Who's that?
- That's Brad.

That's what he's like
when he's in a good mood.

Don't push,
there's plenty of room.

Good morning, Melissa.
Good morning, Claire.


Good morning, Ryan.

Going to use
my amazing X-ray nose!

Egg salad.


Peanut butter and jelly!

Cream cheese and olives,

Time to eat. What's say?

Cream cheese and olives?

Cream cheese and olives.

Let's wake up those bodies

and shake off
those Monday morning blues.

All right, class.

I'm waiting.

Much better.


I wonder if that works on mice.

Now, Melissa.

Do you have something
you'd like to share

with the class this afternoon?

Yes, Mrs. Kuchenbacker.

When I was at the beach
in Florida

with my grandmother
and grandad on vacation,

I picked up several shells.

- My dad drilled holes in them...
- Boring.

-...and mom strung them.

-I really like it.

I think it's a neat necklace
because I made it

and I know
where it's coming from.


Very industrious, Melissa.

Brad. Did you bring something
to share this afternoon?

All right.

I'm only going to say this once,
so pay attention.

Wake me when it's over.

This is my Laser XL7 Road Racer.

Check out those wheels!

My goodness!
Hey, watch it, I can't see.

Watch out, you're squeezing me.

I can't see.

I can break some holy
speed records with that baby!

Yeah, yeah, yeah!

Hey. Hey, hey, watch it.

I really like this car,
I polish it...

Hey, watch it,
I can't see.

Excuse me, Brad. Class.

It seems to me that if Brad
is generous enough

to share his car with us,
the least we can do

is give him
our undivided attention.

would you kindly tell me

what is so funny?

Ryan Bramble's got a mouse
in his pocket.

I see. Ryan.

Would you be patient enough
to wait until Brad is finished?

Please continue, Brad.

Forget about it.
That's all I had to say anyway.

-We're listening now, honey.
-Forget it.

Ryan, did you bring something
to share with the class?

Not exactly.

Yes, he did. I saw it move.

Ryan, why don't you come up here
to the front of the class

and show us what it is.

All right, don't move.


How can you do this to me?

May I touch him?

don't let her touch me.

-What perfect little paws.

He's so cute.

What'd she say? Cute?

Where did you get
your mouse, Ryan?

At the hotel where I live.

His name is Ralph.

Give me a break.

Ralph S. Mouse.

The S stands for "smart".

Sure it doesn't stand
for "stupid"?

Not as stupid as your dumb car.

Ryan and Brad have raised
a very interesting question,

haven't they, class?

How do you suppose
we could find out

if a mouse is smart?


We could make him take
a spelling test.

Absolutely not.

I don't think that would be
very fair to Ralph.

I was just reading recently
that a scientist was testing

the intelligence
of small mammals

using one of these.

What if we were to build a maze?

A maze?

And with a timer,
find out whether Ralph

can make his way through it?

I didn't really bring him
to share.

Ryan, it seems to me
it might be a good idea

if you would work on this
with Brad.

For a little extra credit.

Both of you could certainly use

a little extra credit
for your grades.

- Gordon?
- Um, Ms. Kuchenbacker?

Um, may I earn
some extra credit, too?

Of course, Gordon.

Why don't we make it
a class project?

And the rest of you
can draw pictures

and write stories about mice!

I'm so happy you're with us,

You stay in here tonight.

How come I can't go with you?

Look, it was your idea.

You wanna save Matt's job,

Yeah, I guess so.
So where's my bike?

-It's in my jacket.
-Well, hand it over.

I will. After you run the maze.

I'm not running any maze.

Now, give me the bike!

Look, Ralph. I wouldn't ask you
if it wasn't important.

Get yourself another mouse.


Can't you help me
just this once?

- I need the extra credit.
- Humph!

And after...
after you've done it,

I'll give you your motorcycle.

Well, I guess if it means
that much to you.


Don't worry. You'll do fine.

I'll see you tomorrow.
Stay out of trouble.

Hey, this boot stinks.

Pretend it's cream cheese
and olives.

Very funny. Ha-ha-ha.

Wonder what they got
to eat around here.


And I'm hungry.


Petrified beans in glue sauce!

Ew! No thank you.

Kinda lonely around here.

Could use a little light.

That's it.

That's pretty.

Look at that.

Now let's play some music.

Ooh! Yeah!

Whoa! Getting dizzy.

What? Do I see a set of wheels?

I've never seen a motorcycle
like this before.

Hey, what's all this
sticky stuff on the wheel?

Is this some kind of trap?

This is sticky!

This... My goodness.

Help, I'm a mouse mummy.


I believe I see a mouse.

Stay right there.


What are you so mad about?

Everybody's in such a bad mood
around here.

Where'd he go?

Where in the world is he?
Where is that little...

What a smart mouse I am.
He'll never see me here.

He sees me here.



This is my lucky day.

My lucky day, yeah.

My lucky day.


My lucky day.


Got ya.


Why don't you pick on someone
your own size?

Don't be so stupid, Ryan.

I'm just making it exciting
for the little rodent.

Forget about it, Brad.

No trapdoors, no broken glass,
no bed of nails to cross.

What's the matter?

Scared little Ralphie
isn't going to make it?

Is there a problem, boys?

I'm just trying to make the maze
a little more interesting.

He wants Ralph to fail.

Think I care about
your stupid little mouse?

He's not stupid.

Boys, isn't there some way

that we can compromise
with this maze?

Okay. Build it yourself.

Brad. Brad, now listen...

Did you hear that guy?


Yeah, you know what
that guy's problem is?

He thinks
he's the big squeak-a-rino.

Yeah, but he knows how to build
things better than I do.

-I need his help.
-Hey, I can give you some help.

Come here.

How about some tricky ways?
You know, secret passages?

Know what I mean?

Can't let you do that.

Aw, can't I just have
a little peek?

Sorry. That'd be like looking
at answers before a test.

But what if I'm not smart enough
to get through the maze in time?

Don't worry, Ralph.

You're plenty smart.

I hope so.

Looks like a mighty fine maze
you're building.

Just hope it's not too hard
for Ralph.

I wouldn't worry
about Ralph.

You'd be surprised
at the things that mouse can do

once he puts his mind to it.

You really think so?

Just put one of your mom's
peanut butter cookies

down at the end.

He'll find it.

Find any more
of those field mice around?

Nope. Ralph was right.

Once he and his motorcycle
were gone,

they all just went to live
in the woods.

How's that little rascal
doing in school?

I'm not so sure.

This maze is easy.


-Hey, hey. What's going on?

Time for the great
mouse exhibit.

Sounds boring.
Wake me when it's time to eat.

Hey, watch it.
You're squeezing me.

Come on, Ralph.

You're the guest of honor.

Welcome, Ralph,
to the great mouse exhibit.

All right, everyone back
to his or her place now.

Um, a TV station is doing

a special report on our school
and a reporter may drop by

during our great mouse exhibit.

- Melissa.
- My poem is called a haiku.

It always has 17 syllables.

Not her again.

"A little brown mouse
smells cheese

and steps on a trap.


Now he is dead."

That's the worst poem
I've ever heard,

and it doesn't even rhyme!

Mice are members
of the rodent family.

- Welcome. Um, this is...
- No, go ahead.

-We're just capturing moments.
-I see.

Well, one of our students
is giving a report.

Ms. Kuchenbacker?

Do you want me to read
my haiku again?

No, that won't be necessary,

Go ahead, Gordon.

Mice are members
of the rodent family.

There are more than
6,000 kinds of rodents.

They destroy crops
and food supplies,

multiplying with great speed.

They can breed six times a year.

In one year, a mother mouse

might be responsible
for 250,000 more mice!

One of the largest of rodents
is rattus africanus.

It can measure up to 30 inches
in length.

All of her babies have babies

and all of her babies' babies...

Thanks, I think we got
what we needed.

Wait, you sure you can't stay
for the maze test?

Gotta run.
We got a deadline to make.

Come on.

-Excuse me.
-Excuse me.

And now, the moment
we've all been waiting for.

Wherein Ralph will run the maze.


Sorry, change my mind.
Can't do it.

Okay, Ralph.

Got your motorcycle right here
standing by.

My motorcycle!

All right.
Let's get it over with.

It looks too hard.
I don't think I can do it.

It's okay, Ralph. You can do it.

Take your mark.

Go for the peanut butter cookie.


Those kids just had breakfast.

Ooh, bacon breath
throws me off the scent.

Tell 'em to stand back.

All right, everybody back.
Don't lean in too far.

Better. Got the scent.

Get ready...

Twenty seconds.



Nineteen, eighteen,

-seventeen, sixteen...
-Come on, Ralph.

...fifteen, fourteen,
thirteen, twelve,

eleven, ten...

-Come on, Ralph!
-...nine, eight,

-seven, six...
-This is ridiculous!

-...five, four...
-You gotta get up!

-Ralph, what are you doing?
-...three, two,


You can't do it that way, Ralph.

Who says I can't?

Smooth move, Ralph.

He doesn't understand.

Sure, he didn't run the maze
the way it was intended, Ryan,

but I think he demonstrated

some very creative

How could you do this to me?

What's your problem?
I got the cookie, didn't I?

You know what I think?

I think your mouse
flunked the test.

And he tried to cheat.

You know what I think?

I think you've got a big mouth.


Fighting isn't gonna stop
anything, young man.

Now, I'd like to speak
to each of you separately.

You wrap it up and go home.

You boys seem very angry today
for no reason.

Hey, Ryan. I ran the maze.

Where's my motorcycle?

My motorcycle!

Look at it. Look at...
It's broken!

Look what you did to it!

This never would've happened
if you hadn't come to school.


I never should've trusted you.

You're no friend of mine!
I'm going!

Wait a minute.
You can't just leave.

Yeah? Just watch me.


Now, now, now. Calm down, Ryan.

Still thinking about Ralph?

I don't think he can make it
on his own.

No, don't worry.
Ralph will come back.

He's just mad

and needs a little time
to himself.

Ryan? Your school's gonna be
on TV.

Now, onto the peaks

of Bloomville,
it's Mountain Eye News.

And we have some serious revelations of a crisis

right here in mountain country.

From Irwin J. Sneed
Elementary School,

our own Inez Pierce.


Here at Irwin J. Sneed
Elementary School,

we've uncovered
a full-scale mouse invasion.

That's the TV lady
that came to our class.

A quarter-million mice
are reported

to be destroying the food supply

as they carve
a path of destruction.

They destroy crops...

and food supplies,
and multiply with great speed.

Some are reported
to be over 30 inches long.

That's the size
of a normal house cat.

Now, one man stands between
the mice and the children.

Richard Costa, the custodian.

I... I got one of them
with this.

The situation will be
under control in 24 hours.

They can't do that.
Ralph's out there!

Now, now, now.

Ralph would never get caught
in a dustpan.

But sometimes,
he does foolish things

- to show off.
- By the time

I'm finished,
this school will be

a mouse-free zone.

All right, thank you, Mr. Costa.

The only good mouse
is a dead mouse.

Thank you, Mr. Costa.

It's not fair!

I never said
there was a mice invasion.

Quiet down.

Let's think about this.

What kinds of things
could we actually do

to let that television station
know how we feel?

We could write angry letters.


Would anybody else
like to do that?


What's so bad about
what Mr. Costa said?


All right, children.
Come on, let's all sit down.

Get out some paper

and see what we can
come up with.

You think you're the big
squeak-a-rino, don't you?

Is this some kind of trick?

What are you expecting?
Squeak, squeak?

How come nobody else
can hear you?

That's not my problem.

My problem is chumps like you
that break my motorcycle.

What motorcycle?

The one that was
in Ryan's pocket

when you pushed him down.

It was an accident.

Brad, are you talking
to someone?

Um, no.

Just sharpening my pencil.

There. Now that'll do just fine.

That's a... that'll match,
that's a 10-32, there you go.

Thanks, Mr. Costa.
It's just what I needed.


-Um... Mr. Costa?

What's under there?

That is your
state-of-the-art mousetrap.

How does it work?

Well, the key to the whole thing

is Limburger cheese.

Mice can't resist it.

So I put a piece
of Limburger cheese right there.

Then, I turn it on right here.

And the... and the air
from this bellows

blows across
the Limburger cheese

and it goes out
in a 180-yard radius from here.

And the mice smell it, you see?

And also, I've got this...

this is the squeak oscillator

and it broadcasts
the sound of mice,

a mating call for mice, you see?

And then,
it goes out even farther.

And the...
and the mouse hears it.

And he smells it and he comes,
he comes up

and he goes in this door
right here, you see?

And they get caught
on this conveyor belt

and they come up here
and they go down

through this funnel
and they end up...

they end up right here.

Now, let me show you, see?

And it gets all...
gets all wrapped up right there

and you have
one thoroughly captured mouse

suitable for stuffing.

But, Mr. Costa,
what if you catch a pet mouse?

There's no such thing
as a pet mouse.

You treat 'em all the same!

That's the only way
you can get rid of 'em!

Let me just fine-tune this baby.

And then,
it's mouse-catching time.

Ralph, come on, Ralph.

Come on, Ralph.

Ralph, are you in there, Ralph?

Ryan, your mouse
is in deep trouble.


Bet it's breaking your heart.

Hey, I got nothing
against your mouse.

He's actually pretty cool
once you get to know him.

How would you know?

Ryan, I gotta ask you something.

Have you ever heard
of a mouse...

that could talk?

Did you say a mouse that talked?

Silly, isn't it?
I don't know why I even asked.

Does the word "squeak-a-rino"
mean anything to you?

Ralph talked to you?

I don't know. It seemed like it.

Where is he?

You mean I'm not off my rocker?

What's that smell?

Limburger cheese.

Mouse bait.
Mr. Costa set up a trap.

Ralph can't resist
imported cheese.

Let's go!

What's that smell?



You take care of Mr. Costa

while I try and find Ralph.

No, I wanna find Ralph.

He's my mouse.

So? He talked to me, too.


You wanna help me or not?

Okay. We'll try it your way.

So, Mr. Costa...

Still working?

This job never stops.

Nice floor buffer you got here.

This isn't
your ordinary buffer.

See, I got it all souped up
with your turbo incline engine.

Triple the buff, half the time.

Got my controls right here.

Is this the...

That's the power switch!




Ralph! Don't eat that cheese!

I thought you were gonna eat
that cheese.

You kidding?
That's Mongolian goat cheese.

And it smells like it died
ten years ago.

Let's go home, Ralph.

I'll give you
a peanut butter cookie.


Whatever happened
to the big country mice?

It's okay, Ralph.
Matt says they're long gone.

Okay, you two. No secrets.

-Let's hear it.
-Just wait.

You'll find out.

Good afternoon,
Mr. Minch.

Feet clean?

Yes, Mr. Minch.

Hi, Matt.
We've got a surprise for you.

A surprise?

A surprise for me?


Well, Ralph!

It sure is good
to have you back, Ralph.

The place hasn't been the same
without you.

You know, Matt, there's a lot
to learn at school, but...

It's sure nice to be back home.

We've got a surprise
for you, too, Ralph.

Ooh, goodie!
Did you fix my motorcycle?

No, that'll take time.
But while you're waiting...

How about going around
in your very own XL7?


For me?



And here's a little something
for your car.

Let me see it!




Don't help me.

Sm... sma...

I know!

"S for smart!"

That's good! Woo-hoo!

You're making motorcycle sounds.

That's a sports car.


Hey, Uncle Ralph is back!

Look! He's got a new sports car!

All right, I'm waiting.

Picked that one up at school.

Now then.

There's only so much room
in the car.

So that means...

- everyone's getting a ride!
- Yay!

Seatbelt fastened?

Away we go!



What's that racket over there?

It's just a mouse
driving a sports car.

Yes. Sure.

I thought
they all rode motorcycles.

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