90210 (2008–2013): Season 5, Episode 18 - A Portrait of the Artist as a Young Call Girl - full transcript

Jordan asks Naomi to plan a launch party for the latest hot writer, known as Author X, which forces Annie to admit her identity to Naomi. Silver worries that Adrianna is not okay that she is dating Mark. Meanwhile, Dixon finds out that Michaela has feelings for Navid.

You look beautiful.

I work with Amanda Barnard.

She says your blog could be
the next Fifty Shades of Grey.

What would it take, to get you,

to let us publish your work?

Your guarantee that nobody
will ever know I wrote it.

Welcome to Armitage Books, Author X.

I just want to make sure
our parties our cool.

That's why I came to you.

You're young, you're fun, single.

NAOMI: Best way to start
getting over my divorce?

Secure a hot new client.

Hello, Jordan? Naomi Clark.

I ended up talking to Mark.

And he ended up coming home with me.

I broke the pact, and I'm really sorry.

It's fine.

- My stepson's going to be home soon, and...
- I got it.

(door closes) CAMPBELL: I
know, they're withholding

the semester grades because
they know we were cheating.

It's going to come out.

Everyone at Cronus is going to be okay.

I've set Navid Shirazi up to take the fall

for the whole thing.

(laughing): I had no idea
what I wanted to do after Yale.


I mean, for about two minutes there,

I wanted to be a war photographer.

(laughing): Shut the front door.

I'm serious.

Can you believe it?

I... I didn't even last a week.


- Okay, so, from failed war photographer...
- Mm-hmm.

To successful owner of a media company.

That's pretty impressive.

Well, that was another dream of mine.

But this one actually
seems to be coming true.

And, as a bonus, I get to meet
interesting people like you.

How's the food?

Did I get the job?

Ah, hell yes.

Consider yourself hired
to cater my company's

next big event, sir.


Let's negotiate my salary after

you try my bacon-wrapped dates.

Naomi, ever since we first met

I've wanted you...


To plan an event for my company.

I would be honored.

My next party needs to be
mysterious, glamorous and sexy.

In other words, it's perfect for you.

I think you're great, too.

Well, this will fill you in

on everything you need
to know about the event.

All right, now, it is all top secret.

So, if you think there's
a chance that you might

leave it at a coffee shop
or something somewhere,

please, handcuff that to yourself.

Well, I... I do like handcuffs. (laughing)

My company's going to need to throw

a ton of major events every year.

So, if this party goes well...

we are going to be spending
so much time together...

you're going to get sick of me.

(giggling) (chuckling)

I highly doubt that.

Well, see you soon?

Okay, you two need to get a room

before you cause a chain reaction

that destroys the entire planet.

You're insane.

The ink on my divorce is not even dry.

Right now I need to avoid a
relationship like the plague.

Sounds like you have it all figured out.

And I'm being facetious.

(scoffing): Jordan is not a rebound guy,

he is boyfriend material

and I am emotionally not ready for that.

That is shockingly mature of you.

Thank you.

Although, if I

happen to impressive the hell out of him

on a professional level, and he happens

to fall head over heels in
love with me as a result,

then I will deal with that
at the appropriate time.

You know, you could tell him you like him.

He's a smart guy.

You mean, be honest?

Ugh, I keep forgetting
you're new around here.

Anyway, it's funny you should
be avoiding a relationship

just when I'm trying to get into one.


I knew it was going to be a good match.

It's someone else, who's pretty great.

But I can't tell if she's into me.

And, besides, I usually avoid relationships

- lasting longer than a weekend.
- Mm.

I think Beverly Hills has fried my brain.

Oh, yes, it will do that to you.

Good luck.


(clears throat)



What are you doing here?

Uh, I was just dropping
something off for Dixon.

I got to go.

Okay, wait.

Um, I really want to
talk about what happened.

What do you mean?

With me and Mark.

I know you said things were fine,

but it's been a week and you haven't

returned any of my calls.

Yeah, I've been so bad at
looking at my phone lately.


Ade, please.

I hate this.

Last time we fought over a guy

things went down a really dark path.

Did they?

(scoffs) That was so
long ago, I almost forgot.

I was busy, that's all.

You should really work on

not letting your imagination
get the best of you.

MICHAELA: Eggs Benedict tomorrow,

a little turkey bacon on the side.

Oh, geez. Can we do that?

You two look cozy.

You're not,

like, dating my surrogate, are you?


No... no, hey, no. (laughing)

We just, uh, just had breakfast.

Dixon made me waffles.

Really spoiling me.

Huh. I was making some for myself,

I had some extra batter,

so I made some for her, too.

- And virgin mimosas.
- What?

The royal treatment.

I know, right?

Okay, guys, it's just orange juice, okay?

Let's not get carried away, okay?

So, what, Ade bakes you cookies?

I thought you guys hated each other.

I don't know.

She said she was thinking
about who her real friends were,

and, how she wanted to
put the past behind her.

You know how Ade is.

Yeah, I do.

I don't...

I don't think we should be

eating these, you guys, okay?

Silver, this wouldn't happen to have

anything to do with you and Mark, would it?

I mean, you know the last time
you and Ade fought over a guy.

I know.

And I have to handle it, like, now.

And I will.

Can you drive her to the doctor?

Oh, oh, um...

It's just a blood test,

it's not gonna take long.

We can go to the movies afterwards.


Uh, well, I don't mind
hanging out with you all day

if Silver doesn't have a problem with it.

Why would I have a problem with it?

Great. It's a date.


Thank you.

It... it's... it's not a date.

Um, just... just, just errands.

CAMPBELL: Court, what time does
that brew pub of yours close?

'Cause we should have our next
poker game there, after hours.

You say when, I'll make it happen.

- All right, let's do it.
- (phone rings)

It's, uh... got to take this.

Yeah, man.

Hey, Mom, how are you?

NAVID: I'm doing terrible, son.

Uh, I'm about to get expelled

and you're hanging out with the bad guys?

You're supposed to be helping me,

or did you already forget?

I didn't forget...

to send Grandma a birthday card.

Okay, just left the Dean's office.

My disciplinary hearing is Tuesday.

Unless you find the evidence that proves

that I'm being framed by
Campbell for heading up

the cheating ring, I'm screwed.

LIAM: I hear you loud and clear.

Don't worry about it.

I love you, too.

- So, poker at Offshore.
- Yeah.

Your mom can come if she wants.

No, I think mom is...

- She's good.
- Yeah, all right.

Undressed is generating so much buzz.

We're even getting requests for interviews

from national TV shows.

I've already written a press release.

Not a chance.

Amanda, we've spoken about this.

I know.

It's just, your blog is
about the real life experience

of an anonymous author.

People are clamoring to find out who's who.

Is there anything I can
say to change your mind?

I'm sorry, but I don't
want any of my friends...

and especially not my brother...

to find out that I wrote this.

Dixon would be devastated

if he knew how I got the
money to pay for his rehab.

And you think no one will find out

even though there's a
whole book about your life

on the national best seller list?

Dixon and Liam are not going to be reading

a tell-all sex book.

And my girlfriends either know the truth,

or would never imagine it was me.

So, trust me, I am flying
totally under the radar on this.

(knocking) Hey, is this
my favorite new author?

Jordan, meet Annie Wilson.

Oh, Author X.

Uh, and don't worry, Annie,

Amanda's made it quite clear how important

your anonymity is to you.

And, uh, as much as we
wish we could convince you

to change your mind,

the final decision rests with you.

I appreciate that.

But I have made the launch
of your book my top priority.

And you wouldn't believe
how much time and money

I spent on just the party alone.

Well, it sounds like I'll
be missing quite the event.


You know, it... it's the
biggest night of your life.

It... it'd be a shame to miss it.

That's a great idea.

As far as anybody would know,

you're just another cute girl
there for the free champagne.

I guess maybe it would be
fun to be there anonymously.

Kind of like Tom Sawyer at his own funeral.

Well, it is going to be so
much more fun than a funeral.

Believe me. (laughing)

I have hired one of the
hottest young party planners

in all of Beverly Hills.

Ms. Naomi Clark.

You ever heard of her?

(theme music playing)

Pack your bags, lady,

we are going on a fabulous spa weekend.

- What?
- Yep.

I booked us adjoining rooms at Le Meurice

and a private tour of some
very exclusive vineyards.

Let's get you packed.

Well, that is admirable,
but I can't right now.

I have to plan this party.

What do you think?

I think,

blow it off.

I mean, who cares about a
stupid book launch, anyway?

This is event is the key to me

making a lasting impression on Jordan.

And I have to find a way

to make it more than just
a fabulous party, 'cause...

Well, wait, how did you
know it was a book launch?

I said it was a really big secret.

Well, I... just assumed.

Because, well...

there's a book on the table.

And heaven forbid I read
a book for sheer pleasure?

Okay, you know me too well.


Although I read a lot of this

and it is really, really sexy.

- You think so?
- Mm-hmm.

Undressed, by Author X.

- Uh, have you heard of it?
- I've...

I've kind of been following
it since it started as a blog.

I guess you could call me a fan.

Well, I overheard Jordan
talking with his editor.

Apparently, they're both really bummed.

The girl who wrote it

wants to stay trapped in the closet,

so it gave me an idea on
how to make my party special.

I'm going to find Author X

and I am going to have her come out.


Jordan is going to be thrilled.

He's going to have me plan

all of his parties from here on out.

Uh, but, uh, don't you think

there's a very good reason why the author

would want to remain anonymous?

Uh, no.

She's just misguided and scared.

She just needs a peer...
a reader, not an editor...

to talk some sense into her.

And that can be you.


You said it yourself.

You followed her blog, you're a fan.

I... I am going to be very busy

drinking wine and-and getting
massaged with hot rocks.

I'm not taking no for an answer.

Annie, I order you to bring me

Author X's head on a platter.



Finally. I almost started without you.

(both chuckle)

Sorry. I've been hanging out

with Campbell and the Cronus guys all day

trying to find a way to help Navid.

Ah. Any luck?

(groans) No.

Campbell's a jerk,

but he's smart.

Only way to help Navid is to
actually catch Campbell cheating.

Mm. (laughs)

But we won't have a chance to do that

until the semester ends...

and finals start.

Maybe you don't have to wait that long.

I might be able to help you.

- You think so?
- Absolutely.

In fact, I already have a plan in mind.



You two are so cute together.

Is this your first?

Oh, um...

N... no, no. Um... we're not together.

She's actually my roommate.

What would even make you think that?

Guess I'm crazy. (laughing)

WOMAN: Jennifer, you're up.

That's nuts, huh? She
thought we were together.

When I was here last week with Silver,

somebody thought that we were a couple.

Apparently when you're pregnant,

people see you differently.

Oh. Well, I don't.

I just think of you as a
landlord with a tiny tenant.


That's sweet. Yeah.

You know, the thing is,
I'm the same girl I was.

I just want to have fun,

make friends, maybe go on some dates.

So what's stopping you?

Come on, what am I supposed to do?

Go up to some guy and be,
like, "Hey, I like you.

After my next sonogram
let's go get some pizza."

Now, what guy's gonna go for that?

Michaela, you're next.

Looks like I'm up.


Perfect timing.

I was just closing up.

The kitchen, that is.

My lips are still open for business.

I can't... we can't do this.

Well, it's just kissing.

And I swear on my A-rating
from the health inspector,

- our clothes won't come off until we're in the car.
- I mean...

we can't see each other anymore.

I thought this was going great.

(sighs): It was. Really great.

I'm sorry.

So to recap: you and I totally connect,

we have amazing sex,

we're both single and we like each other.

I can see why that's a problem.

It's not us. It's Ade.

I thought you said you told her the truth

- and she said she was fine with it.
- I did, and she did.

But Ade and I have a really
complicated relationship

ever since high school.

I did some things to her
that I'm not exactly proud of.

And then she did some things
to me that nearly killed me.

So... I know if we keep dating,

something really awful's gonna happen.

- Silver...
- No, Mark, I know Ade.

She said she's fine, but she's not fine.

I'm sorry.

I can't see you anymore.

Hey, man, give me one of those.

(chuckles) You all right?

We have to cancel poker tonight.

Oh, that's a shame.

- I was looking forward to taking all your money.
- Mm.

What happened?

All the econ grades were held up

because of the cheating scandal.

You can't even apply to B School
without a grade in honors economics.

When my stepmom heard that,

she started nagging my dad to call the Dean

and demand that our class
be able to retake the test.

It's tomorrow.

Hm. Well, since you've
already studied for the test,

I mean, retaking it
should be a breeze, right?

Don't be cute.

I didn't exactly prepare the
traditional way the first time,

if you know what I mean.

What do you mean, you cheated?

This time everything's on strict lockdown.

They're not letting cell
phones into the room.

We're screwed.

You know...

there's more than one
way to get information

into an exam room.

I might have an idea for you.

(knocking on door)

Did I mention people in
the restaurant business

- tend to sleep late?
- I'm sorry, bro,

but... I really need your help,

and I can't speak to
anyone else about this.

Who is she?

Damn, Jedi.


well, it's Michaela.

The girl whose career I'm trying to start,

my roommate, and also Silver's baby mama.

I... I know, I know, look,

I was planning on staying
the hell away from her,

not telling her how I feel, but...

What made you change your
mind... besides your penis?

Ha. Sh... she was talking about how nobody

would want to date her
because she's pregnant.

And I wanted to tell her that she's wrong,

I want to date her,

and if this is something that
she wants as well, then...

we should just go for it.

- What do you need from me?
- I was hoping

that you can talk to her,
find out if she's interested.

I don't know if she
feels the same way or not,

so I... I just don't want
to feel like an idiot.

I've got an idea: put a note in her locker

and ask her to circle the
smiley face if she likes you.

Are you serious?

What is it with you and your friends?

You all act like you're
still in high school together.

You can't have a conversation face-to-face,

you got to play these stupid games.

It's time for all of you to grow up.

Yeah, remind me to never
wake you up again. (laughs)

Look, I'm sorry.

Hey. Please tell me
you got some information

that could keep me from getting expelled.

You're still taking that econ
final makeup exam tomorrow, right?

Yeah, of course... they're
making everybody take it again.

Good. Campbell and some of the
Cronus guys'll be there, too,

- and you're gonna catch them cheating.
- What?

No, there's no way they're stupid
enough to be caught cheating again.

They're not stupid; they're desperate.

They're gonna be smuggling in cheat sheets
on the inside of water bottle labels.

That's genius. It's just a little something

I learned in eighth grade detention.

But... you have to make sure

they get caught cheating.

Now, once they drink the water,

they'll be able to read the answers.

That's when you need to make
sure the proctor catches them.

That way there's no doubt
who the guilty ones are.

Liam, I really want to kiss you right now.

Resist that urge.

(Annie sighs)

Good news.

I found Author X.

Oh, my God, Annie, that's amazing!

(laughs) Yeah.

Her name is Barbara Peltier.

She lives in Beverly Hills,

married to a surgeon, couple of kids.

Oh. Okay, so she's a soccer mom.

Little boring on the outside,
but has this secret, kinky life.

- This is gonna be fun!
- Naomi!

She has a family, friends, a community.

She's a member of the Beverly Hills

Country Club. Maybe she
wanted to be anonymous

because the people she loves might get hurt

if they knew her true identity.

Or maybe she could come
out publicly and feel free.

She is not gonna come out, okay?

The stakes are just too high.

I know you don't understand that

because you feel completely
comfortable with yourself.

(sighs): That's not entirely true.

Me and Jordan,

I... don't feel comfortable telling him

that I don't feel ready to date right now,

so to keep his interest I
need the author of this book

to hold her head high and admit who she is.

What book?

Some anonymous soft-core porn book.

Frankly, I have a hard time believing

that the author of such
sexy... no, filthy things

could be a boring housewife.

It is not filthy; it's art.

It's a coming-of-age story.

I mean, that's what I've heard.

I read the same page
five times; it's nasty.

It is a candid exploration of sexuality.


why don't you be the judge?

Read this part right here...

where Annabelle does it

with the businessman in a helicopter.

Oh, my God.

I told you.

Yes, this is really shocking.

Um... I... I need some cold water.

Annie, perhaps you'd...
care to join me for one?

(Annie grunts)

Okay, um... (clears throat)

so, did you actually
write a dirty tell-all book

about being a hooker?

I mean... congratulations, but seriously?

- Is it that obvious?
- It took me

almost half a page to figure
it out. Annie, anyone who knows

the truth is gonna figure out that it's you

in, like, less than a minute.

I don't want this to
sound wrong, but, um...

what were you thinking?

I wasn't. But now it's
turned into this huge thing

that I should be proud of, except I'm not,

because all I can think
is: what if Dixon finds out?

Well, look, the only people

who know the truth are me and Liam, right?

Liam's never gonna read this book.

So you just need to get
through Naomi's party

without it coming out, and...
Dixon will never find out

what happened between you and Patrick.

And you're sure that she was
the only Barbara Peltier there?

Okay. Thank you, Candy.

(laughs): Bye.

- What's that all about?
- That was my friend

from the Beverly Hills Country Club.

She said Barbara Peltier and
her husband moved to Uganda

two years ago to perform
lifesaving surgeries

on underprivileged people, which means...

- she could not have written the book.
- The book launch

is tomorrow, so I guess Author X
will remain anonymous after all.

Unless I figure out
who she is at the party.


how are you going to do that?

Ah, Amanda and Jordan
are the only two people

who know who Author X is, so...

I'll watch them at the party,
and I'm sure they'll give it away.

It's the only way I can ensure that I'm
actually gonna throw the best party ever.

Oh, masks!


It's a super-sexy book launch
for an anonymous author, right?

Why not have everybody come wearing a mask?

Annie, that's brilliant.

You're really smart.

It's a shame

you're independently wealthy.
With a little motivation

you could accomplish something impressive.

- Hi.

- You wanted to see me?
- Yeah.

I like Silver.

So I've been told.

No. She told you I slept with her.

I'm telling you I like her.

But she broke up with me because
she's scared of what you'll do.

So I need you to stop playing games

and have a fight with
her like a normal person.

I'm not playing head games.

I told Silver I'm fine with it.

Which is the biggest head game of all.

Why actually get revenge
when you can torture her

by making her anticipate your revenge?

That act might work with
her, but not with me.

Okay, fine. You're right, I'm pissed.

We had a pact, and she broke it.

So, yeah, I would like to
see her suffer a little.

She betrayed me, again.

You're right, she did.

And you deserve revenge.

So let's get it, the fun way.

What are you doing?

I slept with Silver; I'll sleep with you.

- You're not serious.
- Of course I am.

But I thought you liked Silver.

Yeah, but... she broke up with me.

Don't think I wouldn't do it.

She hurt me, and I have

no problem hurting her right back.


We can hurt her all night long.

You're disgusting.

I can't believe you would
do that to my friend!

Oh. So she's your friend, huh?

If she's your friend,

then stop playing games and tell Silver

how you feel about what she did.

Get it all out, so we can
move on with our lives.

Wow. I... I can't believe
that all of these random people

are here because they're fans of...

some unknown girl's work.

Anyway, you know, I really don't think

you even need to have the author come out.

I... I mean, the party speaks for itself.

Uh, yes, and it says "almost great."

"Almost" is not enough
to keep Jordan interested.

Oh. You should hit the bar.

That woman talking to the bartender

looks a little suspicious.

I'm gonna keep an eye on Jordan and Amanda,

see if they talk to anybody.
And when Silver gets here,

she can camp out in the bathroom stall

and see if she overhears anything. Right.

- Naomi.
- Amanda, hi.

Oh. I'm on it. Okay.

Ten more minutes.

Oh, I got it.



These are the equations for the exam.

Nobody leaves this room

until the dean gets here.


What are you doing here?

(laughs) Aw, Naomi called

and said I had to come
as her "celebrity friend"

to do this, uh, book reading.

Oh, but that's a terrible idea.

- You're gonna hate this book, trust me.
- (laughs): Yeah, well,

it doesn't really seem
like my kind of thing,

but she said she wanted
someone interesting to read

since the author isn't willing to do it.

(sighs): Okay, uh...

listen, before you go up there,

- we need to talk about something. Uh...
- Mm.


- Sydney?
- What are you doing here?

Why does everyone keep asking me that?

Hon, the Tomkins say
they'd love to get together.

I told them we could schedule
them between my next chemo cycle.

Oh, I'm sorry to interrupt.

I'm Sydney's husband, Erick.

SYDNEY: Honey, you remember hearing

about Liam Court... he's
a classmate of Campbell's.

- Well, any friend of my boy's a friend of mine.
- Yeah.

Liam, hi.

Thank you for coming.

Excuse me.

You're on in five minutes.
Phil will show you where to go.


Hey, Ade. What are you doing here?

Mark kissed me.

- What?
- Yeah.

It was some kind of test...
he was trying to give me

the perfect opportunity for revenge.

But I couldn't do it.

Because... you're my friend.

(sighs) Thank God.

I was starting to think we
couldn't get through this.

We can't.

What? I...

I don't understand.

When Mark was standing there,

looking cute and sexy,

I could have done something to hurt you,

but I didn't want to hurt you.

Yet when you were in
the exact same situation,

you didn't even care about me at all.

That's not true.

I've changed since high school, Silver.

You haven't,

which is why I don't want
to be your friend anymore.

You can date Mark if you want,

but we're done.



DIXON: Are you sure you're ready for this?

I mean, my record is like, three dogs.

Ah, you forget, I'm eating for two.

I can totally take you.

Oh, that's big talk
from such a little girl.

I won't be little for long.

Typical pregnancy weight gain is 25 pounds,

- but I'm a bit of an overachiever.
- Okay.

I think I'm gonna go for at least 40.

- 40?
- Mm-hmm.

Okay. Sexy, right?

Uh, you... you got...

just a...

And see, now that's sexy.

(clears throat)

Hey, um, I just want to say something

before I completely chicken out, okay?

Okay. So just deal with me.

Uh, I like you.

I like you a lot,

and I don't care how pregnant you are.

Okay, that came out wrong.

(chuckles) Hah...


Dixon, listen,

I think you're a great guy,

and I like you, I do,

just... not like that.

Um, truth be told,

I... I kind of like Navid.


But I thought you two weren't happening.

We really liked each other

till he found out I was Silver's surrogate.

I actually can't get him out of my head,

and I'm trying to figure out

whether or not I should tell him.

I really do think you're
a great guy, though.

Don't worry about it.

Seriously, we've been
spending so much time together,

I guess I got confused,


Hey, I'm... I'm gonna
get, uh, some more napkins.

Uh, you need anything?

No, I'm good. Thanks.

- Good?
- Yeah.


How about those profiteroles?

Oh, seriously, the food's amazing, Mark.

You're the least of my worries tonight.


I knew I picked the right event planner.

This party's even sexier than the book.

Oh, well, that's me.

I'm all about sexy.

Professionally sexy.


- There you are.
- Hey there.

Uh, Naomi, this is, uh, Elizabeth.

Lovely to meet you, Elizabeth.

I'm so glad I was in
town for Jordan's party.

Oh, where are you in from?

The East Coast.

Well, that narrows it down.

Yeah, uh, Elizabeth is a
bit of a private person.

Likes to keep an air of mystery.


Will you excuse us just
for one second, please?

Of course.

It was nice to meet you, Naomi.

- Hi, I made it.
- Hi.

You look amazing; I'm sorry I'm late.

I know I'm supposed to be
staking out the bathrooms,

but I just got into a really
awful conversation with Adrianna.

It's really not a problem.

I think I found Author X.

You did?

Oh, yeah.

Do you see the woman
standing next to Jordan?

It was obvious she had a secret

that neither one of them wanted me to know,

and when I get her alone, I'm
gonna grill her like a steak.

LIAM: "Chapter five, Annabelle and Leo.

There was something different about Leo.

Annabelle could feel it
the first time they met,

but she was with someone,
and he was a loner.

She didn't know how little
those details mattered

until the winter's night
when he was almost killed

in a motorcycle accident."


"They say the streets are mean.

They would be right."

- We have a problem.
- Yeah, I know.

I may have put too many actual
facts in the book after all.

No, bigger problem.

Naomi thinks she's figured
out who Author X is.

She knows it's me?

Not exactly.

"... Leo was the pavement.

It was a losing proposition
from the get-go."

You're all on academic probation
pending an investigation.

Not that we'll have to
do much investigating.

Dean Bergman, I think this proves

that I wasn't the ringleader.

The answers I texted on the physics exam

were a small part of
their much larger scheme.

Wait, it was Liam's idea
to use the water labels.

You set us up.

You and Court are gonna pay for this.

Good luck getting into business school now,

you son of a bitch.

I hope it's clear now, sir,

that these guys are the real cheaters.

The fact that others cheated, too,

doesn't mitigate what you did.

Wait, what?

What... what are you saying?

If the evidence against you holds up,

there will be consequences,

but just because others are guilty

doesn't make you innocent.

If you cheated, you'll be punished.

MAN: Champagne?

Thank you.

Hi, Elizabeth.

Hi. (laughs)

Oh, Undressed is a really good book.

Don't you agree?

Absolutely, I couldn't put it down.


Listen, I know why you're here.

And I know why you don't want
people to know you're here.

You do?

It's kind of obvious.

Why hide?

You should be proud of who you are.

If I were in your shoes,

I would be shouting it from the rooftop.

I don't really need that kind of attention.

But you deserve it.

You wrote the most candid book
about sex in the last ten years.

Wait, I don't think we're
on the same page here.

Uh, Naomi, please listen to me.

You need to drop this.

Why would I do that when I'm
so close? Annie, Elizabeth.

Elizabeth, Annie.

It's okay to admit the truth.

I'm sorry, but I have
nothing to do with this book.

You have accomplished
something incredible here.

The book is real and raw and daring.

It's gonna inspire millions of young women

to own their mistakes, to tell the world,

"This who I am, this is what I've done,

and I have nothing to be ashamed of."

Oh, that's...

very true,

but, Naomi, you should stop.

Annie, she should hear this.

Elizabeth, take a look around you.

Everybody here is here for one reason,

and that's you.

It doesn't matter what's
happened in your life,

it... it's about how you've
used those experiences

to create something wonderful.

If I were you, I would hold that book high

and say, "I am Author X,

and I am proud to be a whore."

Whoa, whoa, what's going on here?

Your part planner is trying to
get me to admit I'm Author X.

But she isn't.

She has nothing to be ashamed of.

Who cares if you took money for sex

to help your brother?

Naomi, Elizabeth is not Author X.

Wait till I tell Mom about this.

(low sigh)

What, what would she tell your mother?

Because she's my sister.

Oh, my God.

Please tell me...

I did not just call
Jordan's sister a prostitute.

Actually that's what you just called me.

I'm Author X.

NAOMI: You could've
mentioned you wrote the book

before I made that big
of a fool out of myself.

Naomi, I am so sorry.

I ruined everything.

(laughs) No, I ruined it all by myself.

I was so concerned with not jumping

into another relationship
'cause I might screw things up

that I screwed things up.

I know why I didn't want Dixon to find out,

but why didn't you just tell
Jordan the truth to begin with?

Because I'm terrified.

Jordan's the first guy
I've liked since my divorce.

I was so sure that Max was the one,

and now...

if another relationship with
the perfect guy gets ruined,

I'll know it's me.

I'm the problem.

I get that.

I mean, who am I to talk?

I wrote this book so I
could finally move forward

with my life, but everything you said

about why Author X should
come clean makes sense.

Keeping my identity a
secret's actually just

preventing me from really
letting go of the past.

Well, if it means anything,

those god-awful things
I said to Elizabeth...

(laughs) are actually true.

Your book is something to be proud of.

I know, I'm starting to realize that.

I need to tell the truth.

Let Amanda put out that
press release that Author X is

gonna go on TV and introduce
herself to the world.

No more masks.

I'm done hiding.

Liam, Liam, wait!

I owe you an explanation.

What's to explain?

How if I told what I knew
about Campbell's cheating ring

was your brute of a husband gonna hurt you?

The guy couldn't hurt a fly.

Why the hell would you lie to me?

Because she wants my inheritance.

You're pathetic, Court.

I came over to kick your
ass for screwing me over,

but it's just too sad.

What the hell are you talking about?

You think she's been helping you?

She's been trying to steal my inheritance

since the day my dad got sick.

And she obviously started
sleeping with you so she could

get dirt on me... and it worked.

Now even if I tell my father

about the two of you,
why should be believe me?

She used you.

That's unbelievable.

Liam, I'm sorry.

But I had a lot of money on the lie.

For what it's worth, I really do like you.



You, too, huh?

It's been one of those days.

Yeah, tell me about it.

Probably getting kicked out of school,

which means my academic
career is in the toilet.

That sucks.

And this is coming from a girl

who just lost her best friend.


What happened?

Silver did what she always does.

And then I started doing what I always do.

And then I realized I've changed.

She hasn't. (laughs)


Can I ask you something?


(both laugh)

At some point, this all gets easier, right?

Because right now it's pretty bad.


I'm sorry about Silver.

I know it hurts.


I know it might be a crappy
consolation prize, but...

you got me.

You were never a consolation prize.


I didn't see you earlier.

Yeah, um...

Ade came by my place.

I admit, I kissed her,

but I only did it to prove a point.

I know.

But the only point that you proved was...

that she's a way better friend than I am.

What do you mean?

You guys talked, right...
got it all out in the open?

Yeah, we talked,

but, um...

I was kind of hoping that she'd yell at me

and then, you know, I'd cry.

And we'd hug and then we
could be friends again.

But that didn't happen.

I'm sorry for that.

I really am, but it's not your fault.

You tried to do the right thing

and be honest, and if
she can't deal with that,

maybe it's time to move on.

Well, I kind of have no choice.

You kind of do.

I like you, Silver.

And I'm pretty sure you like me, too.


the ball's in your court.

Hi. Never thought I'd see you again.

Uh, can we talk about what happened?

Yeah, come in.

I am so sorry I ruined your party

and acted like a freak.

Yes, all of those things did happen.

And I did all that because
I... I was so scared...

I was so scared to just tell you the truth

and the truth is that...

I really like you.

But I'm a mess right now.

I just got divorced, and (sighs)

the timing of this couldn't
be any worse, but...

I should've told you the truth nonetheless.

Naomi, I like you, too.

You do?


In my defense,

if I had known Elizabeth was your sister,

I never would've...

Oh, yeah, that... that's on me.

I... I didn't want anyone to
know we were related, so...

Because she's so hideous?

No, no, uh, my sister and I are
actually really close, it's just

my... rest of my family
that's... that's the problem.

And if you found out she was my sister,

I was afraid you were gonna start

asking questions I wasn't ready to answer.


I'm afraid that when
I do tell you the truth

about my family, you...

you might not want to be involved with me.

Can we talk about this?

Why, so you can have something
to write about for the sequel?

Liam, I'm really sorry.

How did you think you were
gonna get away with this?

- Oh, if...
- Uh, I mean seriously.


You're messing with
real people's lives here.

But if you would just let me explain.

Explain what?

How you wrote about me?

How you used me like everyone
other woman I've ever been

involved with?

I don't need to know how this ends.

(knock on door)



We need to talk.