9-1-1: Lone Star (2020–…): Season 4, Episode 2 - New Hot Mess - full transcript
(rumbling)
(gasping)
(keypad beeping)
GRACE RYDER: Alright, I'm sending
police right to you, ma'am.
- What's your name?
- LILA GERALDS (on phone): Lila.
Lila Geralds.
Now, Lila, my name is Grace.
I'm gonna sit on the
phone with you, okay,
until help arrives.
Now, don't confront the suspect.
Are you someplace safe for now?
LILA: I'm in the house.
And can you see the
thieves from where you are?
LILA: No, but I
know who it is.
Okay, Lila, I need the address
to where you're calling from.
LILA: I don't know.
I thought you said you
were in your house.
I am. That's what I'm
trying to tell you.
(rumbling)
My house isn't being robbed.
It's being stolen.
Okay, Lila, based on the
landmarks you've given me,
I've got you on
Highway 9 going north.
Now, you said you
have a good idea
of who's driving
the truck, right?
Yeah. I've got
an idea, alright.
It's my ex-husband, Mitch!
Ugh!
Oh, yep, that's the
back of his fat head.
(Lila grunts)
He is stealing my
house with me in it!
(screaming)
Lila, what's happening?
(screaming continues)
All the furniture's
sliding around!
Listen, try to find someplace
safe to hunker down, okay?
Police and rescue
are on their way.
- (siren wailing)
- (horn blares)
Dispatch, ladder 126.
Highway 9, Mile Marker 16.
Yeah. He's about two miles in
front of you, Captain Strand.
So just maintain speed
and wait for instructions.
- We'll do that.
- PAUL STRICKLAND: Yo, so
how does somebody hitch
up your whole house
with you inside and drive off
and you sleep through
the whole thing?
I don't know. To hear Grace
tell it, I could sleep
through a stampede
and still be snoring.
So how are we supposed
to stop him, Cap?
Not our job. We're just
here for the cleanup.
(siren wailing)
(siren chirps)
Pull to the shoulder now!
- No offense, officer, I'm good.
- SGT. TY O'BRIEN: Pull over.
But you have a nice day.
Three-three-one-M-40.
Be advised, suspect has
refused to obey a traffic stop.
PAUL: Is that
Sergeant O'Brien?
Dude's definitely
getting a ticket.
Captain Strand, 126.
Hey, do you think we should let
the driver go to
wherever he's going?
Or do you think PD
needs to force a stop?
Can't say I'm fond of
either option, Captain.
He's got about 15 feet
of house that looks like
it's one bump away from turning
into a pile of matchsticks.
Hey, you force a stop,
you could kill the wife.
PAUL: Yeah, but you
leave him on the road,
he can kill somebody else.
Dispatch, any chance the
wife knows where he's going?
GRACE (over radio):
Stand by, 126. I'll ask.
Lila, would you know where
Mitch is taking the house?
I know he bought an empty
lot up at Birch Glen.
Birch Glen, Captain.
And I do see a
trailer park there.
Birch Glen. Hey-hey, Cap.
To get to Birch Glen,
he's gonna have to exit
Highway 9 and take 290.
Get a look at Mile Marker 23.
See where it's going?
Strickland, that is genius.
- He's headed to Birch Glen.
- He'll have to take the 290.
OWEN STRAND (over radio): That's
what we're thinking. Mile Marker 23?
O'BRIEN: Yeah, I know it well.
This ends there.
I'll have a party
waiting for him.
OWEN (over radio):
See you there.
Alright, we got less
than 12 clear miles
to extract the wife.
Dispatch, I think we're
gonna need another ride.
(helicopter blades whirring)
TK STRAND (over radio): Bet
you've never been lowered down
onto a moving house before.
- How much you got?
- Really?
Dude, Google some flood rescues.
Florida. Right.
Ugh. Of course, missing the
mark over water's one thing.
Pretty sure pavement
would hurt more.
Then don't miss, Marj.
Nice and easy,
target's the skylight.
- (tires screech)
- Oh!
MARJAN MARWANI (over radio): I've
got a moving target here, Cap.
Alright, pull me up
alongside the cab.
Hey, uh, dispatch, can you
patch me in to the husband?
Yeah, I'll try calling
his cell phone, 126.
There's no guarantee
he'll answer though.
(siren wailing)
(horn blares)
(ringing)
Hey!
(ringing continues)
Hey.
(ringing continues)
- MITCH: What?
- You aware that your wife's in the house?
Well, it's my house.
I paid for it.
Okay. It's Mitch, right?
Mitch, listen to me.
I've had two divorces. I
know things can get ugly.
But it could get a lot uglier
if somebody gets hurt, or worse.
I suppose she told you the
judge gave her the house?
It really didn't come up.
MITCH: Well, it's a lie.
The judge said she
could stay in the house.
- So, fine.
- MARJAN: Okay, over the target.
Lila, are you near the skylight?
Yeah, I'm looking right at it.
Move.
(grunts)
Ah! Who's going to pay for that?
I'm here to rescue you!
LILA: Rescue me?
No, I don't need to be rescued!
He needs to be arrested!
Yeah, I feel like that's
probably in the cards.
But for now, we need to
get you outta here, okay?
- No!
- No?
I am not leaving this house!
The judge said I didn't have to.
Possession is
nine-tenths of the law!
I am standing my ground!
Oh!
You can go.
Hey, Marjan, what's the holdup?
Slight holdup being that
she's a crazy lady, Cap.
Well, you've got about a
half a mile to figure it out.
MARJAN: Listen!
In about 60 seconds,
you'll be the proud owner
of nine-tenths of nothing!
We need to get you
in this harness
and get you outta here, okay?
(screams)
- Come on!
- Fine!
- He can have it!
- Okay.
- Come through here.
- (groans)
Coming up on that exit, Marwani.
Okay, copy that, Cap.
We're ready. Take us up.
- Hold on tight.
- Okay.
TK (over radio): Marwani
and the wife are out, Cap.
Sergeant, the wife is clear.
Mitch and his 15-foot
house is headed for 290.
How's our party planning coming?
Everything's in place.
(indistinct yelling)
You sons of bitches.
Better move. I'm not
stopping for anything.
(engine revving)
Here he comes.
(tires screech)
Let's go.
OFFICER: Move, move, move!
- Hurry up.
- Let's see those hands.
Keep 'em up.
- (siren wailing)
- (horn blares)
OFFICER: Keep your hands up!
(indistinct yelling)
So that's what's
at Mile Marker 23.
Yeah, I'll be a son of a gun.
Well played, Strand.
I owe you a beer.
I plan on collecting.
Captain Strand, this is
Special Agent Biondi,
my partner on the Joint
Terrorism Task Force.
OWEN: Nice to meet
you. Uh, l-listen.
Please don't take this as me
telling you how to do your job,
but I think there must be
some misunderstanding here.
Did you tell anyone else you'd
be meeting with us today?
Your partner told me not to,
and, um, that's about
all she's told me.
Captain, these men you've
been associating with,
the Honor Dogs, what
do you know about them?
See, I think the phrase
"associating with"
is misleading.
I've ridden with these
guys a couple times,
and as far as I can tell,
they're motorcycle enthusiasts
who like to brand each
other from time to time.
So I don't know much.
The Honor Dogs are a group
of fringe separatists
whose stated goal is the
return of the state of Texas
- to its founding fathers.
- The Mexicans?
They skip right
to the Alamo part.
But they know how
it ended, right?
About a year ago, they landed on
our domestic terror watch list.
Yeah, well, so did
a bunch of parents
protesting a school board
meeting, if I recall.
AGENT ROSE KACEY: Recently,
their online rhetoric has become
increasingly more hostile
toward the government,
and there has been
a lot more of this.
Well, it is Texas.
We have reason to
believe your new pals
are planning an
attack here in Austin.
Ever heard of ANFO?
Ammonium nitrate
fuel-oil mixture?
Six weeks ago, a truckload was
hijacked outside of Laredo.
Timothy McVeigh used
4,800 pounds of it
to take down the Alfred
P. Murrah Federal Building
in Oklahoma City.
This truck was carrying
three times that amount.
If you think they have this,
what do you need me for?
Go get a warrant and get it.
We don't have quite
enough for a warrant yet.
And that's why we're
asking for your help.
We want you to plant this.
Ooh. Is this a...
An RF transmitter.
Ooh, it's teeny.
Teeny-weensy.
We need someone who can
walk into that roadhouse
without questions being
asked. That someone is you.
AGENT CHUCK BIONDI: We learned from a
source there's an office in the back
opposite the men's room where all
the private conversations take place.
The men's room?
The private office.
That's where we want
you to plant the bug.
Okay, but if you have a source,
why not just use the source?
He's no longer available.
Meaning they're... no longer
as alive as they used to be?
- You're in, you're out, easy.
- Huh.
AGENT BIONDI: Back of a
framed picture is always good.
Top of a light fixture if it
doesn't look like it gets dusted.
Or just under a table.
ROSE: Owen...
you know the kind of devastation
we could be looking at.
We need your help.
Yes. No, I'm sure it would have
made a great Instagram post,
but it is mating season.
It just makes 'em a
little more aggressive.
Yeah, so just keep
on runnin', Muriel.
Park management is on its way.
Uh, no, actually, if it's a he,
then the bird has
beautiful tail feathers.
The lady birds
are the drab ones.
I know it seems wrong, but
nature is sometimes cruel.
Just... Yeah, just
keep running, Muriel.
You're almost near the toilets?
Perfect. Just get in there
and shut the door, okay?
You stay put.
Yeah, Animal Control
will let you know
when it's safe to come out.
Okay. Alright,
you're very welcome.
- You have a good day.
- (key clacks)
My money's on the peacock.
- Girl, mine, too.
- (laughter)
Hey, listen, I'm
going on break, okay?
How much time we got?
So you should have seen
the way Reverend Parks
smooth-talked Mrs. Barnum.
By the end of it, she
thought it was her idea
to step down from
welcoming chair.
And now the woman's
only bringing drinks.
(Tommy gasps)
- Hallelujah.
- Hallelujah.
- (Tommy clears throat)
- You missed quite a meeting.
I had something to do
with the girls last night.
So, did you know
that Reverend Parks
had a BA in astronomy?
Oh, that's very interesting.
- I thought so, too.
- TOMMY VEGA: Mm-hmm.
GRACE: Personally, me,
I could've listened
to the man all day.
What are you doing? Right now?
- Me?
- Mm-hmm.
Um, I was trying to
see if he called you
after you gave him
your phone number.
You know he called me.
Yes. Okay, he might
have mentioned it.
Mm-hmm. And, no. No, I have
not called him back yet.
It's complicated, Gracie.
That's just your catchphrase
for when things
aren't complicated.
But you're avoiding them
because you're being a chicken.
Well, I didn't know I had
a catchphrase for all that.
- He's handsome.
- Yes.
GRACE: And he's fascinating.
And we know he loves kids.
So, I guess I do
see your dilemma.
(softly): He's a pastor.
He's my pastor.
And this chicken is
a little concerned
about all the hens at church.
GRACE: Oh, my gosh. Oh,
- let them cluck.
- I don't need it.
No, let them cluck.
You like him, right?
- I hardly know the man.
- You should get to know him.
Something compelled you to
give him your phone number.
It wasn't the Holy Spirit.
(laughter)
Okay.
You saying that's
the only reason?
Not the only reason, no, but...
- Imma tell you the truth.
- Hm?
It could be a deal breaker.
GRACE: Hmm, it
doesn't have to be.
Me and Judd, we did wait...
until our wedding night.
Yeah, I love that for you.
But I've already had my
wedding night, and I...
I don't know if
I'll marry again.
Gracie, I-I can't
actually imagine it.
But I do know this
stage in my life,
I need something more than
just a dinner companion.
I understand.
But you're right.
He did give me his number,
and I do need to call him
to tell him I'm not interested.
So then you're just
gonna bold-face lie
to the man of God then?
(Tommy sighs)
Well, how's this one?
It's as good as the last three.
As good?
It's better. It's perfect.
God, why am I so nervous?
I feel like I'm
meeting your parents.
(scoffs)
Not my parents.
- Just my wife.
- Ha.
Hey, remember what I said?
Her meds tend to
remove the filter.
She can be blunt,
but not malicious.
Don't take it personally.
- TK: Okay.
- Okay?
You're all good.
(exhales sharply)
This place is really nice.
It's much nicer
than my last place.
Where was that?
Under an overpass.
Right.
So... you wanna get married?
That's the plan.
- CARLOS REYES: Yeah.
- Why?
Why?
Hmm. Seems like you already are.
Um, we wanna make it official.
- For tax purposes?
- No.
Carlos said that you
used to be a firefighter,
now you're a paramedic.
Don't they make less?
No, I-I do okay.
Is it because you're short?
Uh...
I don't think I'm short.
Was it because being a
paramedic is less dangerous?
I mean, some people would
say that's cowardly,
but I don't think so.
I think it's smart.
No, I, uh, I felt that
it was my calling.
And, um, being a
paramedic at the 126
comes with plenty of danger.
The paramedic TK replaced
got killed in the field.
That's so sad.
Yeah. By a lava bomb.
That's cool. But still sad.
And last year,
during the blizzard,
I was rescuing a kid
trapped under the ice
and I got really
bad hypothermia,
ended up in a coma
and almost died, so...
I thought you were shot.
That was the other coma.
How many comas have you been in?
Oh, just the three, but only two
since I moved to Texas. So, yeah.
That seems like a lot of comas.
Yeah, it's a bit
more than average.
Iris, TK and I wanna get married
because we love each other
and because we wanna spend the
rest of our lives together.
It's no more
complicated than that.
It is a little more complicated
'cause you're already married.
Which is why you're here.
- That's true.
- CARLOS: Yeah.
- Divorce papers?
- Yes. Yes.
Here you go.
- Thank you.
- TK: Here's a pen.
I don't need a
pen. I have pens.
TK: Wh-what?
You're not gonna sign it now?
No, I need to read it,
you know, think it over.
What is there to think about it?
Are you guys gonna eat those?
I don't see you
doing a lot of carbs.
You can take them.
You want a bag or...
No, I'm good.
Oh.
Carlos, let's do
this again sometime.
CARLOS: Yeah.
You're always welcome here.
- TK.
- TK: Mm-hmm.
- Pleasure to meet you.
- TK: Mm-hmm.
You're exactly what I expected.
Bye!
What the hell just happened?
(exhales deeply)
Iris happened.
She'll think about it?
What does that even mean?
Getting divorced
from a gay husband
doesn't seem like there's
much to think about.
I mean, it's not like
she can force Carlos
to stay married to her.
No, but she could drag it out,
and then we'll lose the venue.
I mean, she's
holding our wedding
completely hostage
for no good reason.
- So don't let her.
- (TK sighs)
You can still have
the wedding, TK.
She can't stop it
from happening.
And then you can sort
out the legalities later.
No. Nance, I'm not
gonna do that, alright?
We have fought so hard to have
our marriages legally recognized.
When I say "I do," I want
the world to know that I did.
I get that.
You know what she
said last night
when she left our place?
- Good night?
- No.
She said that I was
exactly what she expected.
What do you make of that?
It's a pretty neutral statement.
It was ominous, Nance.
It was very ominous.
Why don't you ask
her what she meant?
Hmm?
Hey, now.
- Uh, Cap?
- Hey.
Frog Prince at ten o'clock.
(inaudible)
Ugh, that's Reverend Parks.
- Reverend?
- Believe it or not,
he is the new
pastor at my church.
You came on to the
pastor at your church?
You're going to hell.
- Hey.
- Hi.
Cyanokit restock right now.
Get lost. Okay.
Hey. Hey.
Reverend Parks right
here where I work.
If I recall on Sunday,
you showed up at my
place of business.
Yes, I did.
But you slipped right
out before we could talk.
Well, you were busy.
Y-You were greeting
the congregation
on their way out,
and we had already
met... twice.
But I-I did enjoy the show.
Not show.
- Uh, um...
- Sermon?
Yes, it was solid.
And solemn even and...
But funny.
It... Oh, God. Please stop me.
- Just, please.
- And miss what comes next?
- No, ma'am.
- TOMMY: I just...
I need to apologize,
uh, because when I, when
I gave you my number,
I-I didn't realize who...
you work for.
My boss, you mean?
Yes. God. Man upstairs.
One who sees everything,
including your thoughts.
I'd like to think it was
God who brought us together.
Twice.
But did He have to put
your life in peril?
Oh, He works in mysterious ways.
And I've heard that.
And He tends to
get what He wants.
So will you have dinner with me?
Alright.
Yes.
Dinner.
- I'd love to.
- How's Thursday?
Thursday, uh, is
good. (laughs)
Yes. Um, text me and
I'll send you my address.
Amen, I will do that.
Well, um...
You have a blessed day.
You, too.
Ooh, you're gonna burn.
("No Exceptions" by
DownTown Mystic playing)
♪ The road to hell ♪
♪ Is paved with
good intentions ♪
♪ They say the road to hell ♪
♪ Is paved with
good intentions ♪
MIKEY: Captain Strand?
Hey, Mikey, remember?
Oh, yeah, sure.
Just call me Owen.
Sorry we didn't get
a chance to talk
after the branding
ceremony the other night.
Yeah, the guy I was with,
he's, uh, got a wife and kids,
- so we had to run.
- RED: Strand.
I didn't really expect
to see you in here again.
Oh, yeah? Why's that?
Maybe it was the way
you and Easy Ryder
ran out of here last time.
I don't know about "ran out."
What brings you back?
Actually, something you said.
RED: Is that right?
What was that?
"Bar's always open,
drinks are always free."
Ha, ha! Well, let's get
you watered down, then.
Sorry, I, uh, probably should
have given you a heads-up.
It can be pretty startling
seeing a man take the
Eagle for the first time.
Why do I think that not
giving me a heads-up
was the whole point?
(chuckles)
So let me ask you something.
RED: Hmm.
Why the Eagle?
It's the Honor
Dogs. Why not a dog?
Ancient Romans used
to carry an eagle
as their standard in a battle.
Not just the Romans.
You calling me a Nazi, Strand?
You don't seem offput by it.
Hey, anybody to the right
of Trotsky these days
gets called a Nazi, right?
(laughs) Yeah.
Hey, you got a men's room?
It's right back there.
(inaudible)
BIKER: How's it going?
(tense music playing)
O'BRIEN: Strand.
O'Brien.
O'BRIEN: What are
you doing here?
Uh, I was just looking
for a men's room.
That's behind the door
that says "Toilet."
Oh, well, should've
checked there first.
Say, you gonna be around?
Maybe you can get me
that beer you owe me.
Drinks here are on the house.
Well, then it's a
win for both of us.
(indistinct chatter)
(rock music playing
over speakers)
Thank you.
So this place is pretty
poppin' for a Monday night.
You ever been here
on a Monday night?
Uh, no, but, you know,
for Mondays generally.
- O'Brien, my brother!
- Hey!
Hey. Like those new bags
you're running on the hog.
- Had to be done.
- TURNER: Yeah.
Chief wouldn't let me
put my Viking studs
on my official
department vehicle.
TURNER: Be badass
if he did, though.
- Right on.
- Alright.
So you're a Dog?
I didn't know.
Honor Dog.
I was abbreviating.
- We don't do that.
- Right.
This place is great, right?
Owen, what the hell
are you doing here?
What do you mean?
You know what
kinda club this is?
A biker club.
- And I have a bike.
- You've got a bike?
Yeah. Bonneville out there.
Was that your nifty
little Triumph upstairs?
- Yeah.
- Yeah. That's about right
for a squid.
A squid?
Let me ask you this.
How did you and the boys meet?
We met on the road.
- On the road?
- OWEN: Mm-hmm.
Just hit it off, you know.
Kinda connection riders have.
Is that right?
Red even gave me a Gremlin Bell.
Oh, I'm sure he did.
I bet he was
thrilled to meet you.
Fire captain. 9/11 hero.
He was just talking
about how we need to
start recruiting firefighters.
You guys thinking of
playing with fire?
No. But you might be.
Look, I like you, Strand, I do.
And I know you're no idiot.
But this isn't a place
that you wanna be.
But it is a place you wanna be?
TURNER: Hey, Sergeant, get
over here and lose some money.
Oh, come on, Turner, you
know I always leave here
with more than I came in with.
Finish your beer and
don't ever come back.
You're not welcome here.
Rack 'em up, bitches,
let's lose you some money.
ROSE: Just relax.
Do you think he saw
you plant the device?
I don't think so.
But are-are you hearing me?
Yeah, I'm hearing you.
It's very echoey in here.
Why are we meeting
in a parking garage?
Have you never seen a movie?
I mean, I couldn't just do it
and then go right
to your office.
What if I was being followed?
Then they would have
followed you here
and seen you meeting with
a federal agent in
a parking garage.
Okay, I'm just saying,
this guy knows me, alright?
He's not buying for a second
that I'm a part of
some extremist group.
Owen, that's fine. You
went in as yourself.
You didn't blow your cover
because there was
no cover to blow.
- What?
- Yeah, I liked the guy.
You know, he's a police
officer. Not just an officer,
a highly decorated
field sergeant.
Why would he hang around
with guys like that?
Who knows why people
do what they do.
You know, every time I
make a new male friend,
it's this or
something like this.
- Do you think it's me?
- I don't really know you.
It's over.
Uh, never really got started.
I mean, we were just
becoming friendly.
I meant the mission.
Look, you planted the device,
you activated it.
That's all we needed from you.
When you say "activated..."
You did turn it on?
No one said anything
about turning it on.
There was a lot of talk
about picture frames
and a place to
hide it and hands,
but nobody even showed
me how to turn it on.
You have to go back in.
Well, I can't. I can't.
O'Brien said I wasn't welcome.
(sighs)
Alright, um, I'll find out
Sergeant O'Brien's schedule.
We'll make sure he's not
there when you go back in.
Just wait to hear from me.
I'm so regretting
buying that bike.
(knock on door)
(sighs)
Hi.
Am I too early?
You're perfect.
(chuckles) I mean,
you're right on time.
Please come in.
TREVOR PARKS: Beautiful.
Absolutely beautiful.
And your house is nice, too.
Reverend. You are a charmer.
Hmm.
That is a lovely jacket.
Do you, um...
preach many a sermon
in that jacket?
Everything that I have
on tonight is secular.
Oh, including your skivvies?
Oh, sister Vega.
(both chuckle)
I'm sorry, I-I can't help it.
The more I tell myself to
be good, the badder I get.
But I did promise to
be a lady tonight.
Well,
you have got that part down pat.
You're nervous.
- I'm conflicted.
- Hmm.
I, um, I've never dated a...
- Divorcé.
- Preacher.
Well, I wasn't planning on
doing much preaching tonight.
Amen.
Mm.
Mm-mmm. Uh-huh.
(sighs)
Are we allowed to do this?
When it happens,
just try not to cry
out the Lord's name.
♪ The only one who
could ever reach me ♪
♪ Was the son of... ♪
(gasps)
Oh! (heavy breathing)
Yeah.
I'm going to hell.
♪ Ooh, yes, he was ♪
♪ The only one who
could ever reach me ♪
♪ He was the sweet-talking
son of a preacher man ♪
(keyboard keys clacking)
OWEN: "SQUID"?
"Speeding Quickly Until I Die"?
Well, at least I'm not a Nazi.
Hey, Owen. You got a sec?
Yeah. Come in.
It's, um, it's personal.
I-I don't wanna overstep.
Oh, overstepping
is kinda my thing.
Okay. Um, alright.
So, do you know when...
Well, in life, when
you meet someone
under a set of circumstances
and you hit it off
and it's great,
and then you, you
run into them again
under a different
set of circumstances,
and it turns out they're not
who you thought
they were at all.
Did he come here?
Actually, uh, yes, he did.
Was he threatening?
Did he ask for me?
Why would Reverend
Parks ask for you?
Wh... Why would
he be threatening?
There's a chance that I
don't fully understand
what we're talking
about right now.
I'm having sex dreams
about my pastor.
- Ooh. Oh...
- Yeah.
- What are you talking about?
- Well...
I-It's not that, but
I'm... I'm flattered.
You weren't in the dream.
No, that you chose
to share it with me.
Right.
Well, um, I'd feel dirty
sharing it with anyone else.
Thank you?
I... Because you're so
wise... like Solomon.
Uh, you know, that's
a Biblical reference,
and I really have
to stop using that.
Listen, do you remember
that very handsome man
who was trapped at the fair?
From the porta-potty?
No.
No. Th-The one who, uh, who leapt
from the burning Zipper ride?
- Oh, with the daughter.
- TOMMY: Yes. Yes.
I gave him my number.
You gave him your number?
Do you, do you do that a lot?
Give your number
out in the field?
No, and I probably
never will again.
Th-The thing is, he
asked me out on a date.
Because you gave
him your number.
I know. I gave him my number.
And at the time I thought
he was a really hot dad.
And it turns out that he's
the new pastor at my church.
Okay. Um...
(laughs) Let me
ask you a question.
- TOMMY: Hmm?
- Did the sex dream
start before or after you
knew he was your pastor?
After.
And what was he
wearing in the dreams?
Why does that matter?
It doesn't matter. Um...
Okay.
- Do you like the church?
- TOMMY: Yes.
It's a very important
part of our lives,
and Grace and Judd go there.
Then you have to say no to
the date. Take it from me.
I made the grave
error of asking out
the receptionist at
my haircutting place.
And if it doesn't work
out, you can't go back.
Not everybody can
deal with my cowlick.
That is the practical
dating advice
that-that I knew I would get.
Thank you.
Just say no.
I already said yes.
Then take backup.
Hey, uh, Iris?
Hey. TK.
- Can we talk?
- Sure, if you can keep up.
Hey, Seth. Hey, have
you seen Donna Burton?
She was supposed to be in
this morning for her meds.
Mm-mmm. She missed
Wednesday, too.
I think we need to take
a ride out to the tracks.
SETH: I'll have Ginger
cover when she gets in.
Okay.
Hey. Um, so, did
you get a chance
to look at the divorce papers?
I did, and I think
it's a mistake.
Look, Iris, I know life's
been super hard for you,
but you've been handling
it very bravely.
And this is not a mistake.
We are definitely not a mistake.
This man is literally my heart.
I-I think you mean figuratively.
He can't literally
be your heart.
Unless you needed a transplant
and he was in some sort
of horrible accident
and was, like, brain dead.
But then you'd
have to be a match.
You think you're a match?
In every way that matters.
If you say so.
I still think it would
be a mistake for me
to sign the divorce papers.
Look, Iris.
Carlos loves you, okay?
And he cares for you.
But he cannot stay
married to you.
First of all, he's
gay and he's mine.
Oh, I know.
So then why won't you
sign the divorce papers?
Because if I file for divorce,
it would be saying that we
were married and we weren't.
I mean, not really.
It would be a mistake
to say that we were.
Besides, you shouldn't be
Carlos' second marriage.
You should be his
first and his last.
What are you saying?
I thought that was obvious.
No, not really.
I'm saying I don't think
we should get a divorce.
I think we should
get an annulment.
Our marriage wasn't
real, but yours will be.
Thank you.
Just please don't sit me next
to a Gemini at the wedding.
They make me jumpy.
No Geminis.
Okay.
Um, hey, one more thing.
When you said I was
exactly what you expected,
just curious, what,
what'd you mean by that?
Oh, that you're a hot mess.
I'm... I'm a hot mess?
Yeah. The bird with a
broken wing, a fixer-upper.
Carlos always needs a project.
More tragic, the better.
Hell, look at me.
Is that what you think I am
to Carlos, just a project?
No, no, no. I think you're
so much more than that, TK.
I think you could
be his life's work.
No Geminis.
- Reverend Parks.
- Hey.
Peonies, my favorite.
My grandmama had a yard
full of 'em back in Topeka.
They always feel like home.
Well, thank you. Come on
in. Dinner's almost ready.
I hope communion wine is okay.
Uh, I didn't have enough time
to hit up the
liquor store, so...
I'm kidding.
All we have back at the
church is grape juice.
It's Bordeaux. It
needs to breathe.
- Bordeaux's perfect.
- Uh-huh.
You know, driving over here,
I thought I should have
insisted on taking you out.
Save you the trouble
of cooking for us,
but, uh, I have to
admit, it smells so good.
I'm glad I wasn't a...
A fool.
Well, my late husband
was an amazing chef,
and he taught me a few
things along the way.
- Hey, hey.
- TOMMY: Hey.
- TOMMY: Hi Mommy.
- JUDD RYDER: Hi.
Guess who just took
a big old doo-doo
before we left the house?
And girl, I brought the salad
but I left the dressing again.
- I'm sorry.
- That's fine.
- Reverend Parks.
- Oh.
TOMMY: Hey, baby.
How about that? Howdy.
Yeah, how about that?
(laughter)
We weren't expecting to
see you here tonight.
Al-also, it was our
daughter Charlie
that did the doo-doo.
TREVOR: Right. Right.
Yay.
Who's my goddaughter? You.
Girls, dinner.
TOGETHER: Hello,
Reverend Parks.
TREVOR: Hey. Uh...
- JUDD: Hey, Rev, just get comfortable.
- Yeah, sit down.
- Sit down wherever you want.
- (coos)
Well, alright. Alright.
- (sighs)
- TOMMY: Well...
Hope everybody's hungry.
JUDD: Ooh.
(Tommy sighs)
(sighs)
You know, Strand, you might
be a hell of a fire captain.
But you're not much of a spy.
You know how easy it was
for me to find that thing?
It's only 'cause you
saw me put it there.
Actually, I didn't.
But I have pulled over enough
pot-addled college
students in this town
to know when someone's
acting guilty.
Care to explain?
No.
I don't really feel like I need
to explain myself to a Nazi.
A Nazi?
Oh, come on. Look at the ruddy
complexion, the piercing blue eyes.
You look like a
piece of fascist art.
To protect and serve, O'Brien.
That's what we both swore.
And you're a disgrace.
Who do you work for, Owen?
ATF? FBI?
Get out of my house.
You know, you're lucky
it was me who found that
and not somebody else.
Oh, and, you know, Red does have
security cameras in the office.
Yeah, I took care
of that for you.
And now I have to figure
out how to take care of you.
What's that supposed to mean?
Grab a helmet. We're
going for a ride.
CARLOS: Babe?
I don't really feel
like cooking tonight.
Do you wanna order in?
That's fine.
CARLOS: Any ideas?
Mexican? Thai?
I don't care, you pick.
CARLOS: Come on,
dude. I always pick.
Yeah, you do always
pick. You like to pick.
CARLOS: I do. I
do like to pick.
So why don't you
surprise me tonight?
Maybe this marriage
is a bad idea.
Okay, that surprised me.
(TK sighs)
Hey, what's going on?
Do you see me as a project?
A project?
Like something
that needs fixing,
like a bird with a broken wing
or a tragic case in
need of rescuing?
No.
What are you talking about?
When you married Iris...
did you feel like
you can fix her
or save her from her illness?
First off, when I married Iris,
she wasn't showing any
signs of schizophrenia.
And I already told you, TK,
when I married Iris,
I was a project.
I was trying to fix myself.
But I was trying
to fix something...
that wasn't actually broken.
And when did you
figure that out?
Probably...
(inhales and exhales)
the day I met you.
Shut up.
(Carlos chuckles)
So you don't think
I'm a hot mess?
Oh, no, You're a...
You're a hot mess.
But you're my hot mess.
- I hate you.
- Yeah?
(cell phone buzzing)
Hello?
Yeah. This is Officer Reyes.
More coffee, Reverend?
(sighs)
No, thank you.
It's getting late.
And I should relieve
Deacon and Mrs. Wallace
from their babysitting duties.
TOMMY: Hmm.
That was a glorious
meal, Sister Vega.
Thank you for a lovely evening.
And I'll see y'all
on Sunday, I trust.
- GRACE: You will.
- Unless you've already had enough of me for one week.
Yeah, we'll be there Sunday.
Um, and, Rev, those-those
short sermons...
- (smacks lips) Ooh. Ooh.
- (Trevor laughs)
I will keep that in
mind, my brother.
- (laughter) - GRACE:
Good to see you, Reverend.
- He said he'll keep it in mind.
- Stop it.
Um, thank you again.
- Good night.
- Good night, Reverend.
Come over here quickly.
I hope you're proud of yourself.
I know. I should
have told you.
I... (sighs)
GRACE: Yeah.
Told us what?
Judd. (laughs)
My love.
Did you not realize that we
were the third and fourth
and fifth wheels
on a date tonight?
- Oh.
- No?
No. Y'all know that, uh...
- That explains the cologne.
- Hmm.
Huh.
GRACE: So, what happened?
Because you were
supposed to tell him
that you weren't interested.
Yes, I know, and I
had planned to, okay?
And then he asked me out,
and my brain said one thing,
but then my lips and my body
just decided to play
on another team.
If this was your
idea of a first date,
I'm pretty sure he
got the message.
Oh, my. I feel terrible.
- As you should, friend.
- TOMMY: Ugh.
The worst part is,
that he's... Lord,
he's so charming.
And you were right.
Yes, Grace, you're right.
I think I like him.
GRACE: Tommy, I don't
even wanna hear it
because the man is
probably already on his way
back to Kansas now.
(knock on door)
Did he forget something?
He probably wants
his flowers back.
(indistinct chatter)
Reverend.
Next time, let's
ditch the chaperones.
TOMMY: Uh-huh.
Y'all have a good night.
Well, I think you
still got a shot.
(clears throat)
(siren wails)
APD DETECTIVE: Officer Reyes.
Come with me.
Patrol unit spotted the
car about an hour ago.
You recognize it?
CARLOS: No.
It's registered to a Iris Blake.
I called you because we
found this on the seat.
Divorce papers.
Your name's on them.
Any idea why your wife might
have been out here, officer?
She works with the homeless.
In fact, she used
to be one of 'em.
♪♪
(gasping)
(keypad beeping)
GRACE RYDER: Alright, I'm sending
police right to you, ma'am.
- What's your name?
- LILA GERALDS (on phone): Lila.
Lila Geralds.
Now, Lila, my name is Grace.
I'm gonna sit on the
phone with you, okay,
until help arrives.
Now, don't confront the suspect.
Are you someplace safe for now?
LILA: I'm in the house.
And can you see the
thieves from where you are?
LILA: No, but I
know who it is.
Okay, Lila, I need the address
to where you're calling from.
LILA: I don't know.
I thought you said you
were in your house.
I am. That's what I'm
trying to tell you.
(rumbling)
My house isn't being robbed.
It's being stolen.
Okay, Lila, based on the
landmarks you've given me,
I've got you on
Highway 9 going north.
Now, you said you
have a good idea
of who's driving
the truck, right?
Yeah. I've got
an idea, alright.
It's my ex-husband, Mitch!
Ugh!
Oh, yep, that's the
back of his fat head.
(Lila grunts)
He is stealing my
house with me in it!
(screaming)
Lila, what's happening?
(screaming continues)
All the furniture's
sliding around!
Listen, try to find someplace
safe to hunker down, okay?
Police and rescue
are on their way.
- (siren wailing)
- (horn blares)
Dispatch, ladder 126.
Highway 9, Mile Marker 16.
Yeah. He's about two miles in
front of you, Captain Strand.
So just maintain speed
and wait for instructions.
- We'll do that.
- PAUL STRICKLAND: Yo, so
how does somebody hitch
up your whole house
with you inside and drive off
and you sleep through
the whole thing?
I don't know. To hear Grace
tell it, I could sleep
through a stampede
and still be snoring.
So how are we supposed
to stop him, Cap?
Not our job. We're just
here for the cleanup.
(siren wailing)
(siren chirps)
Pull to the shoulder now!
- No offense, officer, I'm good.
- SGT. TY O'BRIEN: Pull over.
But you have a nice day.
Three-three-one-M-40.
Be advised, suspect has
refused to obey a traffic stop.
PAUL: Is that
Sergeant O'Brien?
Dude's definitely
getting a ticket.
Captain Strand, 126.
Hey, do you think we should let
the driver go to
wherever he's going?
Or do you think PD
needs to force a stop?
Can't say I'm fond of
either option, Captain.
He's got about 15 feet
of house that looks like
it's one bump away from turning
into a pile of matchsticks.
Hey, you force a stop,
you could kill the wife.
PAUL: Yeah, but you
leave him on the road,
he can kill somebody else.
Dispatch, any chance the
wife knows where he's going?
GRACE (over radio):
Stand by, 126. I'll ask.
Lila, would you know where
Mitch is taking the house?
I know he bought an empty
lot up at Birch Glen.
Birch Glen, Captain.
And I do see a
trailer park there.
Birch Glen. Hey-hey, Cap.
To get to Birch Glen,
he's gonna have to exit
Highway 9 and take 290.
Get a look at Mile Marker 23.
See where it's going?
Strickland, that is genius.
- He's headed to Birch Glen.
- He'll have to take the 290.
OWEN STRAND (over radio): That's
what we're thinking. Mile Marker 23?
O'BRIEN: Yeah, I know it well.
This ends there.
I'll have a party
waiting for him.
OWEN (over radio):
See you there.
Alright, we got less
than 12 clear miles
to extract the wife.
Dispatch, I think we're
gonna need another ride.
(helicopter blades whirring)
TK STRAND (over radio): Bet
you've never been lowered down
onto a moving house before.
- How much you got?
- Really?
Dude, Google some flood rescues.
Florida. Right.
Ugh. Of course, missing the
mark over water's one thing.
Pretty sure pavement
would hurt more.
Then don't miss, Marj.
Nice and easy,
target's the skylight.
- (tires screech)
- Oh!
MARJAN MARWANI (over radio): I've
got a moving target here, Cap.
Alright, pull me up
alongside the cab.
Hey, uh, dispatch, can you
patch me in to the husband?
Yeah, I'll try calling
his cell phone, 126.
There's no guarantee
he'll answer though.
(siren wailing)
(horn blares)
(ringing)
Hey!
(ringing continues)
Hey.
(ringing continues)
- MITCH: What?
- You aware that your wife's in the house?
Well, it's my house.
I paid for it.
Okay. It's Mitch, right?
Mitch, listen to me.
I've had two divorces. I
know things can get ugly.
But it could get a lot uglier
if somebody gets hurt, or worse.
I suppose she told you the
judge gave her the house?
It really didn't come up.
MITCH: Well, it's a lie.
The judge said she
could stay in the house.
- So, fine.
- MARJAN: Okay, over the target.
Lila, are you near the skylight?
Yeah, I'm looking right at it.
Move.
(grunts)
Ah! Who's going to pay for that?
I'm here to rescue you!
LILA: Rescue me?
No, I don't need to be rescued!
He needs to be arrested!
Yeah, I feel like that's
probably in the cards.
But for now, we need to
get you outta here, okay?
- No!
- No?
I am not leaving this house!
The judge said I didn't have to.
Possession is
nine-tenths of the law!
I am standing my ground!
Oh!
You can go.
Hey, Marjan, what's the holdup?
Slight holdup being that
she's a crazy lady, Cap.
Well, you've got about a
half a mile to figure it out.
MARJAN: Listen!
In about 60 seconds,
you'll be the proud owner
of nine-tenths of nothing!
We need to get you
in this harness
and get you outta here, okay?
(screams)
- Come on!
- Fine!
- He can have it!
- Okay.
- Come through here.
- (groans)
Coming up on that exit, Marwani.
Okay, copy that, Cap.
We're ready. Take us up.
- Hold on tight.
- Okay.
TK (over radio): Marwani
and the wife are out, Cap.
Sergeant, the wife is clear.
Mitch and his 15-foot
house is headed for 290.
How's our party planning coming?
Everything's in place.
(indistinct yelling)
You sons of bitches.
Better move. I'm not
stopping for anything.
(engine revving)
Here he comes.
(tires screech)
Let's go.
OFFICER: Move, move, move!
- Hurry up.
- Let's see those hands.
Keep 'em up.
- (siren wailing)
- (horn blares)
OFFICER: Keep your hands up!
(indistinct yelling)
So that's what's
at Mile Marker 23.
Yeah, I'll be a son of a gun.
Well played, Strand.
I owe you a beer.
I plan on collecting.
Captain Strand, this is
Special Agent Biondi,
my partner on the Joint
Terrorism Task Force.
OWEN: Nice to meet
you. Uh, l-listen.
Please don't take this as me
telling you how to do your job,
but I think there must be
some misunderstanding here.
Did you tell anyone else you'd
be meeting with us today?
Your partner told me not to,
and, um, that's about
all she's told me.
Captain, these men you've
been associating with,
the Honor Dogs, what
do you know about them?
See, I think the phrase
"associating with"
is misleading.
I've ridden with these
guys a couple times,
and as far as I can tell,
they're motorcycle enthusiasts
who like to brand each
other from time to time.
So I don't know much.
The Honor Dogs are a group
of fringe separatists
whose stated goal is the
return of the state of Texas
- to its founding fathers.
- The Mexicans?
They skip right
to the Alamo part.
But they know how
it ended, right?
About a year ago, they landed on
our domestic terror watch list.
Yeah, well, so did
a bunch of parents
protesting a school board
meeting, if I recall.
AGENT ROSE KACEY: Recently,
their online rhetoric has become
increasingly more hostile
toward the government,
and there has been
a lot more of this.
Well, it is Texas.
We have reason to
believe your new pals
are planning an
attack here in Austin.
Ever heard of ANFO?
Ammonium nitrate
fuel-oil mixture?
Six weeks ago, a truckload was
hijacked outside of Laredo.
Timothy McVeigh used
4,800 pounds of it
to take down the Alfred
P. Murrah Federal Building
in Oklahoma City.
This truck was carrying
three times that amount.
If you think they have this,
what do you need me for?
Go get a warrant and get it.
We don't have quite
enough for a warrant yet.
And that's why we're
asking for your help.
We want you to plant this.
Ooh. Is this a...
An RF transmitter.
Ooh, it's teeny.
Teeny-weensy.
We need someone who can
walk into that roadhouse
without questions being
asked. That someone is you.
AGENT CHUCK BIONDI: We learned from a
source there's an office in the back
opposite the men's room where all
the private conversations take place.
The men's room?
The private office.
That's where we want
you to plant the bug.
Okay, but if you have a source,
why not just use the source?
He's no longer available.
Meaning they're... no longer
as alive as they used to be?
- You're in, you're out, easy.
- Huh.
AGENT BIONDI: Back of a
framed picture is always good.
Top of a light fixture if it
doesn't look like it gets dusted.
Or just under a table.
ROSE: Owen...
you know the kind of devastation
we could be looking at.
We need your help.
Yes. No, I'm sure it would have
made a great Instagram post,
but it is mating season.
It just makes 'em a
little more aggressive.
Yeah, so just keep
on runnin', Muriel.
Park management is on its way.
Uh, no, actually, if it's a he,
then the bird has
beautiful tail feathers.
The lady birds
are the drab ones.
I know it seems wrong, but
nature is sometimes cruel.
Just... Yeah, just
keep running, Muriel.
You're almost near the toilets?
Perfect. Just get in there
and shut the door, okay?
You stay put.
Yeah, Animal Control
will let you know
when it's safe to come out.
Okay. Alright,
you're very welcome.
- You have a good day.
- (key clacks)
My money's on the peacock.
- Girl, mine, too.
- (laughter)
Hey, listen, I'm
going on break, okay?
How much time we got?
So you should have seen
the way Reverend Parks
smooth-talked Mrs. Barnum.
By the end of it, she
thought it was her idea
to step down from
welcoming chair.
And now the woman's
only bringing drinks.
(Tommy gasps)
- Hallelujah.
- Hallelujah.
- (Tommy clears throat)
- You missed quite a meeting.
I had something to do
with the girls last night.
So, did you know
that Reverend Parks
had a BA in astronomy?
Oh, that's very interesting.
- I thought so, too.
- TOMMY VEGA: Mm-hmm.
GRACE: Personally, me,
I could've listened
to the man all day.
What are you doing? Right now?
- Me?
- Mm-hmm.
Um, I was trying to
see if he called you
after you gave him
your phone number.
You know he called me.
Yes. Okay, he might
have mentioned it.
Mm-hmm. And, no. No, I have
not called him back yet.
It's complicated, Gracie.
That's just your catchphrase
for when things
aren't complicated.
But you're avoiding them
because you're being a chicken.
Well, I didn't know I had
a catchphrase for all that.
- He's handsome.
- Yes.
GRACE: And he's fascinating.
And we know he loves kids.
So, I guess I do
see your dilemma.
(softly): He's a pastor.
He's my pastor.
And this chicken is
a little concerned
about all the hens at church.
GRACE: Oh, my gosh. Oh,
- let them cluck.
- I don't need it.
No, let them cluck.
You like him, right?
- I hardly know the man.
- You should get to know him.
Something compelled you to
give him your phone number.
It wasn't the Holy Spirit.
(laughter)
Okay.
You saying that's
the only reason?
Not the only reason, no, but...
- Imma tell you the truth.
- Hm?
It could be a deal breaker.
GRACE: Hmm, it
doesn't have to be.
Me and Judd, we did wait...
until our wedding night.
Yeah, I love that for you.
But I've already had my
wedding night, and I...
I don't know if
I'll marry again.
Gracie, I-I can't
actually imagine it.
But I do know this
stage in my life,
I need something more than
just a dinner companion.
I understand.
But you're right.
He did give me his number,
and I do need to call him
to tell him I'm not interested.
So then you're just
gonna bold-face lie
to the man of God then?
(Tommy sighs)
Well, how's this one?
It's as good as the last three.
As good?
It's better. It's perfect.
God, why am I so nervous?
I feel like I'm
meeting your parents.
(scoffs)
Not my parents.
- Just my wife.
- Ha.
Hey, remember what I said?
Her meds tend to
remove the filter.
She can be blunt,
but not malicious.
Don't take it personally.
- TK: Okay.
- Okay?
You're all good.
(exhales sharply)
This place is really nice.
It's much nicer
than my last place.
Where was that?
Under an overpass.
Right.
So... you wanna get married?
That's the plan.
- CARLOS REYES: Yeah.
- Why?
Why?
Hmm. Seems like you already are.
Um, we wanna make it official.
- For tax purposes?
- No.
Carlos said that you
used to be a firefighter,
now you're a paramedic.
Don't they make less?
No, I-I do okay.
Is it because you're short?
Uh...
I don't think I'm short.
Was it because being a
paramedic is less dangerous?
I mean, some people would
say that's cowardly,
but I don't think so.
I think it's smart.
No, I, uh, I felt that
it was my calling.
And, um, being a
paramedic at the 126
comes with plenty of danger.
The paramedic TK replaced
got killed in the field.
That's so sad.
Yeah. By a lava bomb.
That's cool. But still sad.
And last year,
during the blizzard,
I was rescuing a kid
trapped under the ice
and I got really
bad hypothermia,
ended up in a coma
and almost died, so...
I thought you were shot.
That was the other coma.
How many comas have you been in?
Oh, just the three, but only two
since I moved to Texas. So, yeah.
That seems like a lot of comas.
Yeah, it's a bit
more than average.
Iris, TK and I wanna get married
because we love each other
and because we wanna spend the
rest of our lives together.
It's no more
complicated than that.
It is a little more complicated
'cause you're already married.
Which is why you're here.
- That's true.
- CARLOS: Yeah.
- Divorce papers?
- Yes. Yes.
Here you go.
- Thank you.
- TK: Here's a pen.
I don't need a
pen. I have pens.
TK: Wh-what?
You're not gonna sign it now?
No, I need to read it,
you know, think it over.
What is there to think about it?
Are you guys gonna eat those?
I don't see you
doing a lot of carbs.
You can take them.
You want a bag or...
No, I'm good.
Oh.
Carlos, let's do
this again sometime.
CARLOS: Yeah.
You're always welcome here.
- TK.
- TK: Mm-hmm.
- Pleasure to meet you.
- TK: Mm-hmm.
You're exactly what I expected.
Bye!
What the hell just happened?
(exhales deeply)
Iris happened.
She'll think about it?
What does that even mean?
Getting divorced
from a gay husband
doesn't seem like there's
much to think about.
I mean, it's not like
she can force Carlos
to stay married to her.
No, but she could drag it out,
and then we'll lose the venue.
I mean, she's
holding our wedding
completely hostage
for no good reason.
- So don't let her.
- (TK sighs)
You can still have
the wedding, TK.
She can't stop it
from happening.
And then you can sort
out the legalities later.
No. Nance, I'm not
gonna do that, alright?
We have fought so hard to have
our marriages legally recognized.
When I say "I do," I want
the world to know that I did.
I get that.
You know what she
said last night
when she left our place?
- Good night?
- No.
She said that I was
exactly what she expected.
What do you make of that?
It's a pretty neutral statement.
It was ominous, Nance.
It was very ominous.
Why don't you ask
her what she meant?
Hmm?
Hey, now.
- Uh, Cap?
- Hey.
Frog Prince at ten o'clock.
(inaudible)
Ugh, that's Reverend Parks.
- Reverend?
- Believe it or not,
he is the new
pastor at my church.
You came on to the
pastor at your church?
You're going to hell.
- Hey.
- Hi.
Cyanokit restock right now.
Get lost. Okay.
Hey. Hey.
Reverend Parks right
here where I work.
If I recall on Sunday,
you showed up at my
place of business.
Yes, I did.
But you slipped right
out before we could talk.
Well, you were busy.
Y-You were greeting
the congregation
on their way out,
and we had already
met... twice.
But I-I did enjoy the show.
Not show.
- Uh, um...
- Sermon?
Yes, it was solid.
And solemn even and...
But funny.
It... Oh, God. Please stop me.
- Just, please.
- And miss what comes next?
- No, ma'am.
- TOMMY: I just...
I need to apologize,
uh, because when I, when
I gave you my number,
I-I didn't realize who...
you work for.
My boss, you mean?
Yes. God. Man upstairs.
One who sees everything,
including your thoughts.
I'd like to think it was
God who brought us together.
Twice.
But did He have to put
your life in peril?
Oh, He works in mysterious ways.
And I've heard that.
And He tends to
get what He wants.
So will you have dinner with me?
Alright.
Yes.
Dinner.
- I'd love to.
- How's Thursday?
Thursday, uh, is
good. (laughs)
Yes. Um, text me and
I'll send you my address.
Amen, I will do that.
Well, um...
You have a blessed day.
You, too.
Ooh, you're gonna burn.
("No Exceptions" by
DownTown Mystic playing)
♪ The road to hell ♪
♪ Is paved with
good intentions ♪
♪ They say the road to hell ♪
♪ Is paved with
good intentions ♪
MIKEY: Captain Strand?
Hey, Mikey, remember?
Oh, yeah, sure.
Just call me Owen.
Sorry we didn't get
a chance to talk
after the branding
ceremony the other night.
Yeah, the guy I was with,
he's, uh, got a wife and kids,
- so we had to run.
- RED: Strand.
I didn't really expect
to see you in here again.
Oh, yeah? Why's that?
Maybe it was the way
you and Easy Ryder
ran out of here last time.
I don't know about "ran out."
What brings you back?
Actually, something you said.
RED: Is that right?
What was that?
"Bar's always open,
drinks are always free."
Ha, ha! Well, let's get
you watered down, then.
Sorry, I, uh, probably should
have given you a heads-up.
It can be pretty startling
seeing a man take the
Eagle for the first time.
Why do I think that not
giving me a heads-up
was the whole point?
(chuckles)
So let me ask you something.
RED: Hmm.
Why the Eagle?
It's the Honor
Dogs. Why not a dog?
Ancient Romans used
to carry an eagle
as their standard in a battle.
Not just the Romans.
You calling me a Nazi, Strand?
You don't seem offput by it.
Hey, anybody to the right
of Trotsky these days
gets called a Nazi, right?
(laughs) Yeah.
Hey, you got a men's room?
It's right back there.
(inaudible)
BIKER: How's it going?
(tense music playing)
O'BRIEN: Strand.
O'Brien.
O'BRIEN: What are
you doing here?
Uh, I was just looking
for a men's room.
That's behind the door
that says "Toilet."
Oh, well, should've
checked there first.
Say, you gonna be around?
Maybe you can get me
that beer you owe me.
Drinks here are on the house.
Well, then it's a
win for both of us.
(indistinct chatter)
(rock music playing
over speakers)
Thank you.
So this place is pretty
poppin' for a Monday night.
You ever been here
on a Monday night?
Uh, no, but, you know,
for Mondays generally.
- O'Brien, my brother!
- Hey!
Hey. Like those new bags
you're running on the hog.
- Had to be done.
- TURNER: Yeah.
Chief wouldn't let me
put my Viking studs
on my official
department vehicle.
TURNER: Be badass
if he did, though.
- Right on.
- Alright.
So you're a Dog?
I didn't know.
Honor Dog.
I was abbreviating.
- We don't do that.
- Right.
This place is great, right?
Owen, what the hell
are you doing here?
What do you mean?
You know what
kinda club this is?
A biker club.
- And I have a bike.
- You've got a bike?
Yeah. Bonneville out there.
Was that your nifty
little Triumph upstairs?
- Yeah.
- Yeah. That's about right
for a squid.
A squid?
Let me ask you this.
How did you and the boys meet?
We met on the road.
- On the road?
- OWEN: Mm-hmm.
Just hit it off, you know.
Kinda connection riders have.
Is that right?
Red even gave me a Gremlin Bell.
Oh, I'm sure he did.
I bet he was
thrilled to meet you.
Fire captain. 9/11 hero.
He was just talking
about how we need to
start recruiting firefighters.
You guys thinking of
playing with fire?
No. But you might be.
Look, I like you, Strand, I do.
And I know you're no idiot.
But this isn't a place
that you wanna be.
But it is a place you wanna be?
TURNER: Hey, Sergeant, get
over here and lose some money.
Oh, come on, Turner, you
know I always leave here
with more than I came in with.
Finish your beer and
don't ever come back.
You're not welcome here.
Rack 'em up, bitches,
let's lose you some money.
ROSE: Just relax.
Do you think he saw
you plant the device?
I don't think so.
But are-are you hearing me?
Yeah, I'm hearing you.
It's very echoey in here.
Why are we meeting
in a parking garage?
Have you never seen a movie?
I mean, I couldn't just do it
and then go right
to your office.
What if I was being followed?
Then they would have
followed you here
and seen you meeting with
a federal agent in
a parking garage.
Okay, I'm just saying,
this guy knows me, alright?
He's not buying for a second
that I'm a part of
some extremist group.
Owen, that's fine. You
went in as yourself.
You didn't blow your cover
because there was
no cover to blow.
- What?
- Yeah, I liked the guy.
You know, he's a police
officer. Not just an officer,
a highly decorated
field sergeant.
Why would he hang around
with guys like that?
Who knows why people
do what they do.
You know, every time I
make a new male friend,
it's this or
something like this.
- Do you think it's me?
- I don't really know you.
It's over.
Uh, never really got started.
I mean, we were just
becoming friendly.
I meant the mission.
Look, you planted the device,
you activated it.
That's all we needed from you.
When you say "activated..."
You did turn it on?
No one said anything
about turning it on.
There was a lot of talk
about picture frames
and a place to
hide it and hands,
but nobody even showed
me how to turn it on.
You have to go back in.
Well, I can't. I can't.
O'Brien said I wasn't welcome.
(sighs)
Alright, um, I'll find out
Sergeant O'Brien's schedule.
We'll make sure he's not
there when you go back in.
Just wait to hear from me.
I'm so regretting
buying that bike.
(knock on door)
(sighs)
Hi.
Am I too early?
You're perfect.
(chuckles) I mean,
you're right on time.
Please come in.
TREVOR PARKS: Beautiful.
Absolutely beautiful.
And your house is nice, too.
Reverend. You are a charmer.
Hmm.
That is a lovely jacket.
Do you, um...
preach many a sermon
in that jacket?
Everything that I have
on tonight is secular.
Oh, including your skivvies?
Oh, sister Vega.
(both chuckle)
I'm sorry, I-I can't help it.
The more I tell myself to
be good, the badder I get.
But I did promise to
be a lady tonight.
Well,
you have got that part down pat.
You're nervous.
- I'm conflicted.
- Hmm.
I, um, I've never dated a...
- Divorcé.
- Preacher.
Well, I wasn't planning on
doing much preaching tonight.
Amen.
Mm.
Mm-mmm. Uh-huh.
(sighs)
Are we allowed to do this?
When it happens,
just try not to cry
out the Lord's name.
♪ The only one who
could ever reach me ♪
♪ Was the son of... ♪
(gasps)
Oh! (heavy breathing)
Yeah.
I'm going to hell.
♪ Ooh, yes, he was ♪
♪ The only one who
could ever reach me ♪
♪ He was the sweet-talking
son of a preacher man ♪
(keyboard keys clacking)
OWEN: "SQUID"?
"Speeding Quickly Until I Die"?
Well, at least I'm not a Nazi.
Hey, Owen. You got a sec?
Yeah. Come in.
It's, um, it's personal.
I-I don't wanna overstep.
Oh, overstepping
is kinda my thing.
Okay. Um, alright.
So, do you know when...
Well, in life, when
you meet someone
under a set of circumstances
and you hit it off
and it's great,
and then you, you
run into them again
under a different
set of circumstances,
and it turns out they're not
who you thought
they were at all.
Did he come here?
Actually, uh, yes, he did.
Was he threatening?
Did he ask for me?
Why would Reverend
Parks ask for you?
Wh... Why would
he be threatening?
There's a chance that I
don't fully understand
what we're talking
about right now.
I'm having sex dreams
about my pastor.
- Ooh. Oh...
- Yeah.
- What are you talking about?
- Well...
I-It's not that, but
I'm... I'm flattered.
You weren't in the dream.
No, that you chose
to share it with me.
Right.
Well, um, I'd feel dirty
sharing it with anyone else.
Thank you?
I... Because you're so
wise... like Solomon.
Uh, you know, that's
a Biblical reference,
and I really have
to stop using that.
Listen, do you remember
that very handsome man
who was trapped at the fair?
From the porta-potty?
No.
No. Th-The one who, uh, who leapt
from the burning Zipper ride?
- Oh, with the daughter.
- TOMMY: Yes. Yes.
I gave him my number.
You gave him your number?
Do you, do you do that a lot?
Give your number
out in the field?
No, and I probably
never will again.
Th-The thing is, he
asked me out on a date.
Because you gave
him your number.
I know. I gave him my number.
And at the time I thought
he was a really hot dad.
And it turns out that he's
the new pastor at my church.
Okay. Um...
(laughs) Let me
ask you a question.
- TOMMY: Hmm?
- Did the sex dream
start before or after you
knew he was your pastor?
After.
And what was he
wearing in the dreams?
Why does that matter?
It doesn't matter. Um...
Okay.
- Do you like the church?
- TOMMY: Yes.
It's a very important
part of our lives,
and Grace and Judd go there.
Then you have to say no to
the date. Take it from me.
I made the grave
error of asking out
the receptionist at
my haircutting place.
And if it doesn't work
out, you can't go back.
Not everybody can
deal with my cowlick.
That is the practical
dating advice
that-that I knew I would get.
Thank you.
Just say no.
I already said yes.
Then take backup.
Hey, uh, Iris?
Hey. TK.
- Can we talk?
- Sure, if you can keep up.
Hey, Seth. Hey, have
you seen Donna Burton?
She was supposed to be in
this morning for her meds.
Mm-mmm. She missed
Wednesday, too.
I think we need to take
a ride out to the tracks.
SETH: I'll have Ginger
cover when she gets in.
Okay.
Hey. Um, so, did
you get a chance
to look at the divorce papers?
I did, and I think
it's a mistake.
Look, Iris, I know life's
been super hard for you,
but you've been handling
it very bravely.
And this is not a mistake.
We are definitely not a mistake.
This man is literally my heart.
I-I think you mean figuratively.
He can't literally
be your heart.
Unless you needed a transplant
and he was in some sort
of horrible accident
and was, like, brain dead.
But then you'd
have to be a match.
You think you're a match?
In every way that matters.
If you say so.
I still think it would
be a mistake for me
to sign the divorce papers.
Look, Iris.
Carlos loves you, okay?
And he cares for you.
But he cannot stay
married to you.
First of all, he's
gay and he's mine.
Oh, I know.
So then why won't you
sign the divorce papers?
Because if I file for divorce,
it would be saying that we
were married and we weren't.
I mean, not really.
It would be a mistake
to say that we were.
Besides, you shouldn't be
Carlos' second marriage.
You should be his
first and his last.
What are you saying?
I thought that was obvious.
No, not really.
I'm saying I don't think
we should get a divorce.
I think we should
get an annulment.
Our marriage wasn't
real, but yours will be.
Thank you.
Just please don't sit me next
to a Gemini at the wedding.
They make me jumpy.
No Geminis.
Okay.
Um, hey, one more thing.
When you said I was
exactly what you expected,
just curious, what,
what'd you mean by that?
Oh, that you're a hot mess.
I'm... I'm a hot mess?
Yeah. The bird with a
broken wing, a fixer-upper.
Carlos always needs a project.
More tragic, the better.
Hell, look at me.
Is that what you think I am
to Carlos, just a project?
No, no, no. I think you're
so much more than that, TK.
I think you could
be his life's work.
No Geminis.
- Reverend Parks.
- Hey.
Peonies, my favorite.
My grandmama had a yard
full of 'em back in Topeka.
They always feel like home.
Well, thank you. Come on
in. Dinner's almost ready.
I hope communion wine is okay.
Uh, I didn't have enough time
to hit up the
liquor store, so...
I'm kidding.
All we have back at the
church is grape juice.
It's Bordeaux. It
needs to breathe.
- Bordeaux's perfect.
- Uh-huh.
You know, driving over here,
I thought I should have
insisted on taking you out.
Save you the trouble
of cooking for us,
but, uh, I have to
admit, it smells so good.
I'm glad I wasn't a...
A fool.
Well, my late husband
was an amazing chef,
and he taught me a few
things along the way.
- Hey, hey.
- TOMMY: Hey.
- TOMMY: Hi Mommy.
- JUDD RYDER: Hi.
Guess who just took
a big old doo-doo
before we left the house?
And girl, I brought the salad
but I left the dressing again.
- I'm sorry.
- That's fine.
- Reverend Parks.
- Oh.
TOMMY: Hey, baby.
How about that? Howdy.
Yeah, how about that?
(laughter)
We weren't expecting to
see you here tonight.
Al-also, it was our
daughter Charlie
that did the doo-doo.
TREVOR: Right. Right.
Yay.
Who's my goddaughter? You.
Girls, dinner.
TOGETHER: Hello,
Reverend Parks.
TREVOR: Hey. Uh...
- JUDD: Hey, Rev, just get comfortable.
- Yeah, sit down.
- Sit down wherever you want.
- (coos)
Well, alright. Alright.
- (sighs)
- TOMMY: Well...
Hope everybody's hungry.
JUDD: Ooh.
(Tommy sighs)
(sighs)
You know, Strand, you might
be a hell of a fire captain.
But you're not much of a spy.
You know how easy it was
for me to find that thing?
It's only 'cause you
saw me put it there.
Actually, I didn't.
But I have pulled over enough
pot-addled college
students in this town
to know when someone's
acting guilty.
Care to explain?
No.
I don't really feel like I need
to explain myself to a Nazi.
A Nazi?
Oh, come on. Look at the ruddy
complexion, the piercing blue eyes.
You look like a
piece of fascist art.
To protect and serve, O'Brien.
That's what we both swore.
And you're a disgrace.
Who do you work for, Owen?
ATF? FBI?
Get out of my house.
You know, you're lucky
it was me who found that
and not somebody else.
Oh, and, you know, Red does have
security cameras in the office.
Yeah, I took care
of that for you.
And now I have to figure
out how to take care of you.
What's that supposed to mean?
Grab a helmet. We're
going for a ride.
CARLOS: Babe?
I don't really feel
like cooking tonight.
Do you wanna order in?
That's fine.
CARLOS: Any ideas?
Mexican? Thai?
I don't care, you pick.
CARLOS: Come on,
dude. I always pick.
Yeah, you do always
pick. You like to pick.
CARLOS: I do. I
do like to pick.
So why don't you
surprise me tonight?
Maybe this marriage
is a bad idea.
Okay, that surprised me.
(TK sighs)
Hey, what's going on?
Do you see me as a project?
A project?
Like something
that needs fixing,
like a bird with a broken wing
or a tragic case in
need of rescuing?
No.
What are you talking about?
When you married Iris...
did you feel like
you can fix her
or save her from her illness?
First off, when I married Iris,
she wasn't showing any
signs of schizophrenia.
And I already told you, TK,
when I married Iris,
I was a project.
I was trying to fix myself.
But I was trying
to fix something...
that wasn't actually broken.
And when did you
figure that out?
Probably...
(inhales and exhales)
the day I met you.
Shut up.
(Carlos chuckles)
So you don't think
I'm a hot mess?
Oh, no, You're a...
You're a hot mess.
But you're my hot mess.
- I hate you.
- Yeah?
(cell phone buzzing)
Hello?
Yeah. This is Officer Reyes.
More coffee, Reverend?
(sighs)
No, thank you.
It's getting late.
And I should relieve
Deacon and Mrs. Wallace
from their babysitting duties.
TOMMY: Hmm.
That was a glorious
meal, Sister Vega.
Thank you for a lovely evening.
And I'll see y'all
on Sunday, I trust.
- GRACE: You will.
- Unless you've already had enough of me for one week.
Yeah, we'll be there Sunday.
Um, and, Rev, those-those
short sermons...
- (smacks lips) Ooh. Ooh.
- (Trevor laughs)
I will keep that in
mind, my brother.
- (laughter) - GRACE:
Good to see you, Reverend.
- He said he'll keep it in mind.
- Stop it.
Um, thank you again.
- Good night.
- Good night, Reverend.
Come over here quickly.
I hope you're proud of yourself.
I know. I should
have told you.
I... (sighs)
GRACE: Yeah.
Told us what?
Judd. (laughs)
My love.
Did you not realize that we
were the third and fourth
and fifth wheels
on a date tonight?
- Oh.
- No?
No. Y'all know that, uh...
- That explains the cologne.
- Hmm.
Huh.
GRACE: So, what happened?
Because you were
supposed to tell him
that you weren't interested.
Yes, I know, and I
had planned to, okay?
And then he asked me out,
and my brain said one thing,
but then my lips and my body
just decided to play
on another team.
If this was your
idea of a first date,
I'm pretty sure he
got the message.
Oh, my. I feel terrible.
- As you should, friend.
- TOMMY: Ugh.
The worst part is,
that he's... Lord,
he's so charming.
And you were right.
Yes, Grace, you're right.
I think I like him.
GRACE: Tommy, I don't
even wanna hear it
because the man is
probably already on his way
back to Kansas now.
(knock on door)
Did he forget something?
He probably wants
his flowers back.
(indistinct chatter)
Reverend.
Next time, let's
ditch the chaperones.
TOMMY: Uh-huh.
Y'all have a good night.
Well, I think you
still got a shot.
(clears throat)
(siren wails)
APD DETECTIVE: Officer Reyes.
Come with me.
Patrol unit spotted the
car about an hour ago.
You recognize it?
CARLOS: No.
It's registered to a Iris Blake.
I called you because we
found this on the seat.
Divorce papers.
Your name's on them.
Any idea why your wife might
have been out here, officer?
She works with the homeless.
In fact, she used
to be one of 'em.
♪♪