8 Simple Rules (2002–2005): Season 2, Episode 23 - Finale Part Un - full transcript

HEY, BEAR, HOW WAS SCHOOL TODAY?

WELL, REMEMBER THAT ART
PROGRAM IN EUROPE THIS SUMMER?

- UH-HUH.
- GUESS WHO GOT IN?

- YOU?
- MM-HMM.

AND GUESS WHO CAN'T GO
BECAUSE HER MOM FORGOT

TO TURN IN HER MEDICAL
RECORDS EVEN THOUGH

SHE WORKS AT THE VERY
HOSPITAL WHERE I WAS BORN?

OKAY, LOOK, I... I'M
REALLY REALLY SORRY.

WE'LL... WE'LL GO DOWN;
WE'LL TALK TO THE PRINCIPAL;

WE'LL GET IT ALL
SORTED OUT. OKAY?

NOW GIVE ME A HU... OH, OKAY.



I DON'T THINK I COULD SPEND
AN ENTIRE SUMMER IN EUROPE.

I'D MISS MY FAMILY TOO MUCH.

AND RORY, OF COURSE.

SHE GOT IT BAD.

YEAH, IT IS A LONG TIME TO
BE AWAY FROM MY FAMILY.

AND KYLE, OF COURSE.

OH! DON'T ANYONE GO
IN THERE FOR AN HOUR.

BUT I'LL COPE.

OH, WHAT? YOU'RE TALKING
ABOUT EUROPE AGAIN?

YOU KNOW, THERE ARE
PLENTY OF THINGS THAT YOU CAN

GET EXCITED ABOUT
RIGHT IN YOUR BACKYARD.

HEY, THERE'S TWO SQUIRRELS
HONEYMOONING ON THE CLOTHESLINE.

IT'S ABSOLUTELY...

SEE? RIGHT IN YOUR BACKYARD.



AH, YOU GOT ME.

OH, THE MYSTERY OF ATTRACTION.

WHAT DOES HE SEE IN HER ANYWAY?

SHE'S PROBABLY
ONE SEXY SQUIRREL.

HE MEANT KYLE AND KERRY.

NO, I DIDN'T.

ANYWAY, THEY SAY
THAT OPPOSITES ATTRACT.

WELL, IF THAT'S TRUE,

I SHOULD BE WITH
SOMEONE PRETTY, TALL,

AND HATES THE COOL MUSIC I LIKE.

HI, I'M MISSY'S SISTER SISSY.

C.J.

DO YOU LIKE AEROSMITH?

NOT PARTICULARLY.

PLEASE COME IN.

HI, SISSY.

HEY, MISSY, WHAT YOU DOIN'?

KEEPIN' BUSY.

THAT'S OUR LITTLE ROUTINE.

IT'S EXCELLENT.

I LOVE YOU.

I MEAN, I... YEAH, I LOVE
YOUR LAUGH. IT'S NICE.

YOU KNOW, I DID NOT KNOW
THAT MISSY HAD A SISTER SISSY.

THAT'S FUNNY. YOU
KNOW, THE "C" IN C.J.

- STAND FOR COREY.
- NO, IT DOESN'T.

HEY, RORY, WHAT YOU DOIN'?
IT'S YOUR COUSIN COREY.

WATCHING YOU MAKE
AN ASS OUT OF YOURSELF.

HEY, RORY, GREAT NEWS.

YOU BOUGHT THAT
CANE WITH A SWORD IN IT?

I WISH.

THE SERGIO LEONE FILM FESTIVAL

BEGINS TONIGHT AT THE MALL.

HOURS OF CLINT
EASTWOOD SMOKING A CIGAR

WEARING A PONCHO!

YOU WANNA GO?

YOU'RE NOT GONNA WEAR
THE PONCHO TONIGHT, ARE YOU?

I MIGHT.

ENJOY THE SHOW.

WELL, SHOOT.

I WISH I HAD SOMEBODY
TO GO WITH ME.

UH, DAD?

I'M CONCERNED. YOU HAVEN'T
MADE ANY FRIENDS OUT HERE.

THAT'S BECAUSE
EVERYBODY'S AN IDIOT.

WELL, HUMOR ME. I GOT
THIS ADDRESS FOR YOU.

YOU'RE KICKING ME OUT?

I'LL MAKE A FRIEND.

OH, AH! THE V.F.W. HALL? NO WAY.

I'M NOT GONNA BE ONE OF
THOSE SAD OLD SOLDIERS

STUCK IN THE PAST,
REMINISCING ENDLESSLY.

BUT DAD, YOU COULD TELL THEM HOW
YOU DROVE TED WILLIAMS AROUND KOREA.

THAT COULD CHEER THEM UP.

NOW LOOK, HONEY, MR. GIBB CAN
KIND OF BE A TOUGH NUT TO CRACK,

SO WHEN I SIGNAL YOU,
GIVE HIM THE KERRY FACE.

EXCUSE ME?

WELL, YOU KNOW: SAD, POUTY,

KINDA TEARY-EYED...
THE KERRY FACE.

YOU HAVE A NAME FOR IT?

OH. OH, HONEY, I'M SORRY.

HA! I AM THAT GOOD.

BACK AGAIN.

NEXT TIME'S FREE.

I'LL BE WITH YOU IN A MINUTE.

KYLE, WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE?

WELL, KERRY,

THEY'VE TESTED ME AND
APPARENTLY I'M A GENIUS.

Man over intercom: Carole,
you gave me the wrong file.

- I meant Kyle Anderson.
- WHERE DID THAT COME FROM?

SO, UM, HAVE YOU
FOUND OUT ANYTHING

ABOUT YOUR ART TRIP YET?

NO, WE JUST GOT HERE.

WELL, I HAVE MIXED FEELINGS
ABOUT YOU GOING TO FRANCE:

THEY DIDN'T SUPPORT US IN THE
WAR, BUT I REALLY WANT A PRESENT.

I CAN SEE YOUR CONUNDRUM.

IT'S BEEN IN MY WALLET
FOR THREE YEARS!

I SWEAR I'VE NEVER
USED IT, MRS. HENNESSY.

AND HE THOUGHT HE
WAS A GENIUS. KYLE!

OH MY GOD. MOM!

MOM, DID YOU SEE
THOSE POOR LAB FROGS?

MRS. HENNESSY, YOU AND
YOUR DAUGHTER CAN GO IN NOW.

OKAY, WELL, SAY HI TO YOUR MOM

AND GOOD LUCK WITH THAT
WHOLE NOT-MY-CUP-OF-PEE THING.

OKAY, HONEY, GRAB YOUR BAG.

- HI, ED.
- HI.

- THANKS FOR SEEING ME.
- ED?

UH, LOOK, THIS IS ALL MY FAULT.

KERRY'S MEDICAL
RECORDS? I JUST FORGOT.

WELL, IT'S UNDERSTANDABLE, CATE.
YOU SEEM TO FORGET A LOT OF THINGS.

CATE?

MEDICAL RECORDS, DEADLINES,

COOL GUYS YOU MAY HAVE
KNOWN IN HIGH SCHOOL.

FEELING UNCOMFORTABLE.

OH, I REMEMBER
ALL THE COOL GUYS.

GOOD ONE, MOM. NOW
ASK HIM FOR A FAVOR.

OH YEAH, RIGHT. UH,
PLEASE... PLEASE, MR. GIBB,

DON'T PUNISH KERRY
FOR MY MISTAKES.

NOT NOW.

KERRY MISSED THE
DEADLINE FOR THE ART TRIP.

IF I MAKE AN EXCEPTION FOR HER,

I HAVE TO MAKE AN EXCEPTION FOR
THE OTHER TWO KIDS WHO LIKE ART.

COME ON, PLEASE.
KERRY'S BEEN WANTING

TO GO TO EUROPE SINCE
SHE WAS A LITTLE GIRL.

A LITTLE BABY GIRL.

OH, THE KERRY FACE...
I'VE BEEN EXPECTING YOU.

BUT RULES ARE...

RULES ARE MEANT TO BE BROKEN.

GET HER OUT OF HERE.
GET THE FORMS IN.

HEY, DAD.

HOW WAS THE V.F.W.?

OH MY GOD! YOU BOUGHT A CAR?

- MARRY RICH, SWEETIE.
- DUH!

I TOOK YOUR ADVICE AND I
WENT TO THE VETERANS' HALL

- AND GUESS WHAT?
- WHAT?

- I HAD AN ACCIDENT.
- WHAT?

YEAH. YEAH, IT'S
GONNA COST A FORTUNE.

WELL...

I'M MISSING SOMETHING.
YOU HAD AN ACCIDENT

AND YET YOU'RE SMILING?

YEAH, WELL YOU SEE, I HAD THIS
LITTLE FENDER-BENDER WITH...

- HI.
- HER.

HI.

CATE, YOU REMEMBER TINA?

SHE'S THE ONE WHO OWNS THE
BAR WHERE YOU DID THE SINGING.

- OH, YEAH. HI.
- YEAH.

- NICE TO SEE YOU.
- HI.

HEY, JIMBO, YOU FORGOT
YOUR SUNGLASSES IN MY CAR.

YEAH.

SHE CALLS ME JIMBO.

- JIMBO?
- YEAH.

ARE YOU WORKING
FOR THE CIRCUS NOW?

TINA, YOU COULD HAVE JUST
GIVEN THEM TO ME TONIGHT.

OH! OH, RIGHT.

WHAT WAS I THINKING?

- A DATE?
- MM-HMM.

YOU HAVE A DATE?

WELL, CATE, YOU'RE THE ONE WHO
WANTED ME TO MAKE A NEW FRIEND.

AND WHOO-EE, DID I!

HEY, GRANDPA, WHAT'S UP?

BLOOD PRESSURE
AND BAD CHOLESTEROL.

HONEY, YOUR MOM WANTED
ME TO GIVE YOU THESE TOWELS.

HEY, K-BEAR, WHAT'S
WRONG, SWEETIE?

GRANDPA,

I HAVE A CHANCE
TO GO TO EUROPE...

SOMETHING I'VE
ALWAYS WANTED TO DO...

AND I'M REALLY EXCITED BUT...

OKAY, AND DON'T
TELL BRIDGET THIS...

I'M ALSO A LITTLE SCARED.

OH, HEY, THAT'S NORMAL.

THE FIRST TIME I TOOK A TRIP
WITHOUT MY PARENTS, I WAS SCARED.

- WHERE DID YOU GO?
- KOREAN WAR.

WELL, CATE, HOW DO I LOOK?

UH... I'D BUTTON THE SHIRT.

AH, GOT YA.

OH, AND YOU MIGHT
WANT TO ZIP UP THE FLY.

HMM? OH.

CHECK.

AND DAD, LOSE THE SLIPPERS.

DAMN IT.

CATE, I'M NOT SURE
I'M READY TO DATE.

WELL, SURE YOU ARE, DAD.
WHERE ARE YOU GOING?

I WAS GONNA TAKE TINA
TO DINNER AND A MOVIE.

WHAT KIND OF FOOD GOES
GOOD WITH A WESTERN?

CHOW!

GRANDPA, YOU MUST BE
EXCITED ABOUT YOUR DATE.

- OH, IT SHOWS, HUH?
- YEAH, YOU TRIMMED
YOUR EAR HAIR.

AT LEAST SOMEONE NOTICED.

DAD, IF YOU REALLY
WANT GOOD CHOW,

THERE'S THIS GREAT
FRENCH RESTAURANT

THAT PAUL AND I USED TO GO TO.

- A FRENCH RESTAURANT?
- WOW.

I HAVEN'T SEEN GRANDPA EAT A
SNAIL SINCE MY EIGHTH BIRTHDAY

WHEN HE FELL ASLEEP
ON A LAWN CHAIR

AND I DROPPED ONE IN HIS
MOUTH AND TOOK A PICTURE.

- YOU WHAT?
- IT WAS MY BIRTHDAY!

- HEY.
- HEY.

OH, I WAS JUST OVER AT MISSY'S.

SISSY LIKES YOU.

OH, COME ON.

A GIRL LIKE THAT
COULD NEVER LIKE...

A GUY LIKE ME.

COME ON! DUDE!

THAT'S YOUR CUE, RADAR, TO SAY, "NO
NO NO, SHE THINKS YOU'RE AWESOME."

NO NO NO, SHE THINKS
YOU'RE AWESOME.

I KNEW IT!

SHE WANTS US ALL TO GO
OUT TO DINNER TOGETHER.

MMM. WHY DO I NEED YOU?

THE RORY-COREY-
WHAT-YOU-DOIN' BIT.

- THAT WAS GOLD.
- MMM.

ALL RIGHT, GREAT. LET'S DO IT.

I WOULD, BUT...

I DON'T HAVE ANY MONEY, MAN.

DON'T EAT.

I LIE A LOT BETTER
WHEN I'M NOT HUNGRY.

AH! FINE.

ALL RIGHT, BUT YOU HAVE TO
LAUGH AT EVERYTHING I SAY.

- ALL RIGHT.
- LET'S HEAR IT.

NO.

THAT... THAT'LL GET
YOU, LIKE, BREADSTICKS.

THERE YOU GO. THAT
WILL GET YOU SALAD.

THANKS. WITH KERRY
GOING OFF TO EUROPE,

I NEEDED A GOOD LAUGH.

SO... TELL ME ABOUT JIM.

WELL, I WAS BORN ON A
RANCH NEAR TULSA, OKLAHOMA.

I LEARNED TO RIDE AND
SHOOT BEFORE I COULD CRAWL.

YOU MUST HAVE BEEN A
VERY DANGEROUS BABY.

SO THEY TELL ME.

SO WHERE ARE YOU NOW?

HAVING DINNER WITH
A BEAUTIFUL WOMAN.

AHH. FLATTERY'S GONNA
GET YOU EVERYWHERE.

SO ARE YOU WIDOWED?

YEAH. ACTUALLY THREE TIMES.

ALL NAMED JIM.

ALL DIED MYSTERIOUSLY.

LOOK AT YOU! GOD, YOU'RE EASY.

HEY, THIS IS NICE... YOU AND ME.

- GRAMPY!
- OH!

WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE?
YOU KNOW THIS ISN'T HOME.

GO AWAY.

- HEY, GRANDPA.
- AH, RORY.

TINA, THIS IS RORY,
MISSY AND SISSY.

Girls: HI.

SO WHAT'S GOOD HERE?

UM, I'M LOOKING AT THE SHRIMP.

- YEAH, SO AM I.
- RELAX.

RORY,

- I'M GETTING THIS WEIRD
VIBE FROM YOUR COUSIN.
- OH?

RORY, YOU DID TELL HIM THAT
SISSY IS GETTING ENGAGED, RIGHT?

OH, YEAH. HE SAYS
CONGRATULATIONS.

THIS IS PRICEY.

I HEAR THE BREADSTICKS ARE GOOD.

PRACTICALLY A MEAL.

SOME PEOPLE EAT THE
BREADSTICKS AND GO HOME.

DO THEY HAVE LOBSTER?

YEAH, IT'S CALLED
"SOUP DU JOUR."

GRANDPA, THIS IS PRICEY. HELP.

NO.

UM, YOU KNOW, IT'S TOUGH,
BUT THEY HAVE TO LEARN

TO SURVIVE ON
THEIR OWN TWO FEET.

YEAH, WELL,

IT ISN'T LIKE YOU
HAVEN'T DONE ENOUGH,

LETTING YOUR DAUGHTER
AND THE WHOLE FAMILY

MOVE INTO YOUR HOUSE WITH YOU.

WELL... FUNNY
STORY ABOUT THAT...

A MOMENT, A MOMENT.

UH, I'LL PAY FOR RORY AND MISSY,

BUT THAT'S IT.

FINE. I HAVE A CREDIT CARD.

WELL, JUST MAKE SURE
THEY'LL TAKE GAS CREDIT CARDS.

WAIT. WHY WOULDN'T THEY?

UM, EXCUSE MOI, MON CHERIE.

I THINK IT'S GOING WELL.

- WAIT'LL I SAY
SOMETHING FUNNY.
- THAT MAY NEVER HAPPEN.

UNBELIEVABLE.

MY BIOLOGY FINAL IS
ON ANATOMY OF A FROG...

ANATOMY OF A FROG! I'M NOT GONNA
CUT UP A POOR DEFENSELESS CREATURE

JUST SO I CAN PASS A CLASS!

IT'S A LIVING, BREATHING,
FEELING ENTITY

WITH A PURPOSE IN THIS WORLD!

FROGS ARE STUPID.
DID MOM BUY YOGURT?

- HI, MISSY.
- RORY, SISSY'S TOTALLY
INTO C.J.

SHE IS? IS SHE NUTS?

SHE BROKE OFF HER ENGAGEMENT!

I WAS GONNA BE A BRIDESMAID AND TRY
CHAMPAGNE WHEN NO ONE WAS LOOKING,

BUT THANKS TO YOUR LITTLE PLAN,

YOU'VE RUINED
SISSY'S WHOLE LIFE!

WELL, WE DID HAVE LOBSTER.

YEAH.

DAD, I NEED THE PHONE.

THAT WAS SO FUNNY
WHEN YOU SAID THAT.

YEAH.

NO NO. YOU SHUT UP.

NO, YOU SHUT UP.
NO, YOU SHUT UP!

OKAY, ALL RIGHT. I'LL
SEE YOU TOMORROW

AFTER WORK, HUH?

ALL RIGHT, BYE, TINA.

NO, YOU HANG UP.

NO, YOU.

NO, YOU!

DAD, YOU ARE ACTING
LIKE A TEENAGER.

IT WAS NONE OF YOUR BEESWAX.

YOU KNOW, YOU'VE BEEN SEEING
AN AWFUL LOT OF THIS TINA.

SO WHAT'S IT TO YOU?

DON'T YOU GET SMART WITH ME.

I AM YOUR DAUGHTER
AND I THINK YOU'RE TOO OLD

TO BE GOING STEADY.

WELL, YOU'RE NOT THE BOSS OF ME.

NOW LOOK, DAD, I KNOW
NOTHING ABOUT HER.

I MEAN, WHERE DID SHE COME FROM?

HAS SHE EVER BEEN
MARRIED BEFORE?

WHAT ARE HER PARENTS LIKE?

DEAD.

AND IT'S JUST THAT
AFTER MEETING YOU,

I REALIZED THAT
I DIDN'T LOVE TIM.

AND IT DIDN'T MATTER THAT
HE HAD MONEY OR TWO HOMES

OR THAT HE WAS A DOCTOR.

I HAD TO TELL HIM
THAT I DIDN'T LOVE HIM.

DID HE CRY?

LIKE A BABY.

THAT'S EXCELLENT. I WIN.

SEE? YOU'RE EVERYTHING
I NEVER WANTED IN A MAN.

- OH.
- AND MORE.

OH.

WHAT YOU DOIN'?

I'M SORRY. WHAT DID YOU SAY?

IT'S THE RHYME GAME, YOU KNOW?

I SAY, "WHAT YOU DOIN'?"

AND YOU SAY, "KEEPIN' BUSY!"

ARE YOU SERIOUS?

WERE YOU, LIKE, IN A CAR ACCIDENT I
SHOULD KNOW ABOUT OR SOMETHING?

SHH! YOU'RE SPOILING IT.

WHAT YOU DOIN'?

TRYING TO GET OUT OF THIS
DEATH GRIP YOU HAVE ME IN.

SAY IT!

KEEPIN' BUSY.

SING IT!

♪ KEEPIN' BUSY. ♪

SO HOW DID IT GO
WITH SISSY LAST NIGHT?

♪ KEEPIN' BUSY! ♪

OH, DUDE, SHE'S
NOT WITH YOU, IS SHE?

RORY, DID YOU GET THE NEWSPAPER?

- NO.
- HONEY, GO GET IT,

'CAUSE YOUR GRANDFATHER WILL
WANT TO READ IT WHEN HE WAKES UP.

GRANDPA?

GOOD MORNING.

DAD, WERE YOU OUT ALL NIGHT?

LET ME HANDLE THIS ONE.

LET ME SEE:

YESTERDAY'S OUTFIT, UNSHAVEN...

OOH, A LITTLE CHANEL #5.

YES, SIR, SOMEBODY HAD
AN AWAY GAME LAST NIGHT.

AN AWAY GAME?

OH!

DAD, WHAT WERE YOU
DOING WITH TINA LAST NIGHT?

KEEPIN' BUSY.

- OH.
- COME ON.

WE HAD DINNER AT
HER PLACE. IT GOT LATE,

SO I JUST SPENT THE NIGHT.

HIGH FIVE, GLAND-DADDY.

DOESN'T SOMEBODY HAVE SCHOOL?

MY TUMMY HURTS.

OH, HIM. YEAH. GO TO SCHOOL.

ALL RIGHT. NOW OUT, BOTH OF YOU.

DAD,

I WANTED YOU TO HAVE
SOME COMPANIONSHIP,

BUT ARE YOU HAVING A
RELATIONSHIP WITH THIS WOMAN?

WELL, I'M ENJOYING
MYSELF. I LIKE TINA.

I'M NOT SURE IT'S A
RELATIONSHIP... YET.

YET?

BUT... BUT I ALWAYS THOUGHT...

WELL, YOU KNOW, I'D
HOPED THAT YOU AND MOM

WOULD BOTH STOP ACTING
CRAZY AND GET BACK TOGETHER.

SHE LEFT ME.

CAN I HELP IT IF I'M
COPING SO DAMN WELL?

SO YOU'RE JUST GONNA PLAY AROUND

AND LIVE UNDER MY ROOF?

YOU KNOW, THIS ARRANGEMENT
WAS NOT SUPPOSED TO LAST FOREVER.

CATIE, I THOUGHT
YOU'D BE HAPPY FOR ME.

I'M A MAN WHO THOUGHT HE WAS DONE
AND NOW I FEEL LIKE I'M LIVING AGAIN.

I CAN'T BELIEVE YOU'D
PREFER LIVING TO MOM.

IT'S SCARY, ISN'T IT? MOVING ON.

BUT LET ME ASK YOU A QUESTION:

DID YOU THINK THAT
THIS ARRANGEMENT...

YOUR DAD BEING THE
ONLY MAN IN YOUR LIFE...

WAS GOING TO LAST FOREVER?

I CAN'T HAVE THIS
CONVERSATION NOW.

I HAVE TO GO TO WORK.

AND YOU'RE WRONG, DAD.

I KNOW THAT YOU STILL LOVE MOM.

AND YOU DON'T JUST MOVE ON
WHEN YOU STILL LOVE SOMEONE.

KERRY? EXCUSE ME. KERRY,
WHAT ARE YOU DOING?

WELL, I'M LEADING A SIT-IN.

IN MY SKIRT?

WHICH, BY THE WAY,
YOU CAN'T PULL OFF.

YOU KNOW, BRIDGET, WHY
DON'T YOU JUST GET OUT OF HERE?

YOU DON'T CARE ABOUT ANYTHING.

WELL, I KNOW THAT YOU CARE
ABOUT YOUR EUROPE TRIP.

IF MR. GIBB FINDS OUT YOU DID
THIS, HE'S NEVER GONNA LET YOU GO.

OH MY GOD, I NEVER
THOUGHT ABOUT THAT.

BRIDGET, MIND YOUR OWN BUSINESS.

FROGS ARE PEOPLE TOO, YOU KNOW.

WELL, THEY SORT OF ARE

WHEN YOU PUT LITTLE
HATS AND VESTS ON THEM

AND TAPE LITTLE
CANES TO THEIR HANDS.

SOMETIMES...

SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO
STAND UP FOR YOUR BELIEFS.

WHICH IS, LIKE, WEIRD,
'CAUSE IT'S CALLED A "SIT-IN."

IS ANYONE ELSE TICKLED
BY THE IRONY HERE?

KERRY, LOOK, DON'T MISS
OUT ON THIS OPPORTUNITY

AND DON'T LISTEN TO KYLE.

YOU'RE JUST WORRIED THAT
WHEN SHE'S THERE, SOME COOL GUY

NAMED GIORGIO IS GONNA
TAKE HER FOR A GONDOLA RIDE.

YOU KNOW WHAT? THAT
BETTER BE ITALIAN FOR "BOAT."

EXCUSE ME. WHAT THE
HELL IS GOING ON HERE?

WHAT... WHY AREN'T
YOU ALL IN CLASS?

WE'RE HAVING, LIKE, A SIT-IN.

YOU'VE GOT FIVE SECONDS
TO GET BACK TO CLASS

OR THERE ARE GONNA
BE CONSEQUENCES.

NO? ALL RIGHT, WHOSE
BRIGHT IDEA WAS THIS?

SOMEBODY BETTER TELL
ME WHO IS RESPONSIBLE

OR YOU'RE ALL IN
DEEP DEEP TROUBLE.

I AM.

WELL, I MIGHT HAVE
FIGURED. BRIDGET HENNESSY...

YOU'RE SUSPENDED.