8 Simple Rules (2002–2005): Season 2, Episode 12 - Consequences - full transcript

C.J.'s having a bad influence on Rory: inspired by C.J. he steals a drug dog. Then Bridget 'borrows' Cate's credit card. And Finally, even Kerry is caught acting irresponsibly. Has Cate failed in raising her children?

- HEY, MAN, WHAT'S GOING ON?
- GETTING RIPPED.

MIGHT WANT TO START WITH
THREE SETS OF A BILLION.

I'M TIRED OF BEING SKINNY.
CHICKS HATE SKINNY GUYS.

- HEY, I'M SKINNY.
- I KNOW.

DUDE, CHICKS LOVE THIS.

YEAH, WELL, LADIES MY AGE
AREN'T ALLOWED TO DRINK.

RIGHT NOW I'M THE ALPHA
DOG AT MIDDLE SCHOOL.

- AH.
- BUT NEXT YEAR...

- IT'S THE SHOW, MAN.
- OKAY.

HIGH SCHOOL. AND I
WANT TO BE POPULAR.

- SO I'M THINKING SPORTS.
- I HEAR YA.



I REMEMBER MY HIGH SCHOOL DAYS...
FOOTBALL, BASKETBALL, BASEBALL.

- YOU?
- YEAH, I WENT
TO ALL THE GAMES.

BUT WHERE I BECAME A LEGEND,

AND I MEAN LEGEND,

WAS BEING FUNNY, PULLING PRANKS.

DUDE, ONE TIME I STOLE
A SCHOOL MASCOT.

WHAT KIND OF ANIMAL WAS IT?

IT WAS AN ALLIGATOR.

- NO, IT WASN'T.
- IT WAS A BOBCAT.

- NO, IT WASN'T.
- IT WAS A DUCK.

IT'S AMAZING YOU
WEREN'T NIBBLED TO DEATH.

WELL...

IT DID COST ME A FINGERTIP
AND 25¢ IN CRACKED CORN.

BUT YOU KNOW WHAT
I BECAME KNOWN AS?



- THE GUY WHO STOLE THE DUCK?
- YOU HEARD OF ME!

YOU KNOW, IT'S
FREEZING OUT IN MY VAN.

THE HEATER ONLY WORKS IF
PEOPLE STOP UNPLUGGING IT.

WAS IT YOU?

GRANDPA?

GRANDPAPPY?

G-DIDDY?

C.J., COULD YOU
COME A LITTLE CLOSER?

THIS IS MY BAD EAR.

I SAID I CAN'T BELIEVE GRAND...

DAD, WHAT DID WE SAY ABOUT
HITTING C.J. WITH YOUR CANE?

NOT TO DO IT.

IT'S 'CAUSE OF HIM I'M
USING THE DAMN CANE.

TRIPPING OVER HIS
DAMN EXTENSION CORD,

BRUISING MY HIP.

NOW I CAN'T STAND
UP. I CAN'T WALK...

OKAY NOW, DAD,
LET'S BE POSITIVE.

THERE MUST BE
SOMETHING YOU CAN DO.

MM, I CAN PLOT MY REVENGE.

I SAID I WAS SORRY, OKAY?

BUT WHAT ARE YOU GONNA
DO ABOUT IT ANYWAY?

NOW, C.J., WHAT DID WE SAY
ABOUT TAUNTING GRANDPA?

NOT TO DO IT.

- WHAT IN GOD'S NAME...
- OH, THAT'S LUKE'S MOTORCYCLE.

HE'S JUST DROPPING BRIDGET OFF.

SHE BETTER BE WEARING A HELMET.

BRIDGET, HOW MANY
TIMES HAVE I TOLD YOU...

NOT TO RIDE ON THE
BACK OF A MOTORCYCLE

WITHOUT A HELMET... I DIDN'T!
WHY DON'T YOU EVER BELIEVE ME?

THERE'S A BUG IN YOUR TEETH...

AND A CRICKET IN YOUR HAIR.

OKAY, YOU CAUGHT ME. I'M SORRY.

I JUST DIDN'T WANT
TO GET HELMET HAIR.

HELMET-FREE HAIR ISN'T
EXACTLY WORKING FOR YOU EITHER.

BESIDES, HONEY, IT'S
ILLEGAL. AND... AND STUPID.

- AND... AND DANGEROUS...
- AND WITHOUT LEATHER PANTS...

I MEAN, COME ON,
PARIS. I KNOW GUYS...

DIG THE BIKER CHICK LOOK, BUT YOU'RE
SO WANNABE WITHOUT THE LEATHERS.

AND THE HELMET THING IS WRONG.

BRIDGET, GO TO YOUR ROOM.

THAT'S IT? THAT'S WHAT YOU'RE GONNA
DO? THAT GIRL NEEDS TO BE PUNISHED.

DAD, I HAVE TO PICK MY BATTLES.

IF I GROUNDED HER
FOR EVERYTHING,

SHE'D NEVER LEAVE THE HOUSE.

SO WHAT ARE YOU
GROUNDED FOR, GRANDPA?

THAT'S REALLY FUNNY.

HEY, C.J., YOU WANT TO
SEE A CANE DISAPPEAR?

- OKAY, I'M OFF.
- ALL RIGHT, KERRY!

FRIDAY NIGHT OUT
ROCKIN' THE SUBURBS.

I'M GOING TO THE LIBRARY.

RIGHT, THE LIBRARY.

I'M COOL. SO WHERE'S THE RAVE?

DRAW ME A MAP.

I'M GOING TO THE LIBRARY.

OKAY, COOL. YOU KNOW
WHAT? I RESPECT THAT.

WOW, THERE'S A LOSER.

STRAIGHT FROM LOSERVILLE.

NOW, C.J., KERRY IS NOT A LOSER.

SHE IS MY RESPONSIBLE CHILD.

SHE'S JUST A VERY
CONSCIENTIOUS STUDENT

WHO TAKES HER
SCHOOLWORK SERIOUSLY.

LOSER.

TV reporter: So it should be
clear but cold through the weekend.

In local news, a
narcotic-sniffing

police drug dog in the Columbia
School District is missing.

LEGEND.

MY MAN.

TV reporter: The golden retriever
who answers to the name "Buzzkill,"

is a prized canine

which cost the police department
roughly $30,000 to train.

$30,000?!

GRAND THEFT...
YOU'RE ON YOUR OWN.

- HEY, MOM.
- HI, BRIDGE.

UH, BRIDGET, ARE
THOSE NEW PANTS?

YES, AREN'T THEY CUTE?

YEAH. HOW'D YOU PAY FOR 'EM?

UM, WITH YOUR CREDIT CARD.

DON'T YOU REMEMBER?

YOU SAID "LULU'S IS
HAVING A SALE ON TOWELS.

PLEASE GO GET SOME FOR THE GUEST
BATHROOM, USE YOUR OWN JUDGMENT."

SO, ON THE WAY TO THE TOWELS, I SEE
THESE LEATHER PANTS THAT WERE ON SALE.

AND I REMEMBERED C.J.
SAYING "YOU'RE SO WANNABE

WITHOUT THE LEATHERS,"
AND MY JUDGMENT SAID

"YOU DON'T WANNABE A
WANNABE." AND THEN I THOUGHT...

"JUDGMENT, YOU ARE SO RIGHT."

THAT MADE NO SENSE,
BUT AT LEAST SHE HAD

THE PRESENCE OF
MIND TO DRAG ME INTO IT.

ALL RIGHT, BRIDGET, COME HERE.

SIT DOWN. WE HAVE
TO HAVE A LITTLE TALK.

UM, FIRST, YOU WANT
TO TALK ABOUT WHY

- BUZZKILL'S IN OUR HOUSE?
- BECAUSE HE'S OLD, HONEY.

AND HE HAS NOWHERE TO GO.

NO NO NO, THE STOLEN
DRUG DOG FROM SCHOOL.

WELL, WHAT IS A STOLEN DRUG DOG

DOING IN MY HOUSE?

MOM, I'M REALLY SAD
BECAUSE THIS SOCIETY

OBJECTIFIES WOMEN.

OH, NO WORRY. WHAT WAS
GOING THROUGH YOUR HEAD?

STEALING A DRUG DOG?!

I GUESS I WAS JUST
TRYING TO PULL A PRANK.

I WANTED TO BECOME A LEGEND.

WHO EVER GAVE YOU THE
IDEA THAT... NOT ANOTHER STEP.

IT'S... IT'S A PRANK.

YEAH, WELL, YOU WANT TO
SEE A REALLY GOOD PRANK?

- CATE, WHERE'S MY CANE?
- NOW, DAD.

YOU TWO PLANNED
THIS, DIDN'T YOU?

YOU GOT TOGETHER
AND YOU THOUGHT,

"YOU KNOW, MOM'S LIFE
JUST ISN'T HECTIC ENOUGH.

WHY DON'T WE WORK TOGETHER
TO DRIVE HER UP A WALL?"

THAT'S WHAT YOU DID.

- NO.
- WE HAVEN'T DONE
THAT IN YEARS.

MOM, I'M GOING TO THE DOYLES'

TO TUTOR MARY
BETH ON HER ALGEBRA.

A SIT-DOWN. COOL.

ALL RIGHT, KERRY.

NOW LOOK, YOU GUYS. WHY CAN'T
YOU BE MORE LIKE YOUR SISTER?

WHAT... GET AWAY!

WHAT ARE YOU... GET AWAY!

KERRY, WHAT... WHAT'S GOING ON?

WHAT IS THAT?

KERRY, GIVE THAT TO ME.

IS THIS POT?

BET YOU'RE HAPPY HE
JACKED THE POOCH NOW.

ANSWER ME, YOUNG LADY.

IS THIS YOURS?

I THINK I SPEAK FOR
EVERYONE WHEN I SAY

WE ARE SO
DISAPPOINTED RIGHT NOW.

RORY, GO RETURN THE DOG.

I'LL DO IT TONIGHT. I CAN'T BE SEEN IN
BROAD DAYLIGHT WITH THE EVIDENCE.

I'LL TO JAIL AND
WIND UP SOME GUY'S

TASTY LITTLE SWEET THANG.

KERRY, I ASKED YOU A QUESTION.

IS THIS YOURS?

MM... GIRL MUST BE TRIPPIN'.

ALL RIGHT. THAT'S
ENOUGH, YOU TWO.

I'LL DEAL WITH YOU
LATER AFTER KERRY.

GO UPSTAIRS.

COME ON, BOY.

YES, IT'S MINE.

WELL, WHERE'D IT COME FROM?

MY GUESS... NOT AMSTERDAM.

MAYBE WESTERN
CANADA... SASKATOON.

BRITISH COLUMBIA...

I'M REALLY GOOD AT THIS STUFF.

- WHICH IS NOT
THE POINT AT ALL.
- YEAH.

- ALL RIGHT, GO TO YOUR ROOM.
- BUT I'M SUPPOSED
TO TUTOR MARY BETH.

OH... OH... OKAY, THEN
JUST GO TUTOR MARY BETH.

NO. STAY.

NO... NO, GO. NO... NO...

IF YOU'D LIKE, I
COULD JUST HOVER.

THAT'S IT, SHOW
ATTITUDE. GOOD CALL.

ALL RIGHT, KERRY, JUST...
JUST GO TUTOR MARY BETH.

AND JUST COME BACK
THE MINUTE YOU'RE DONE.

BOY, THAT'S SHOWING HER, CATE.

OH, YOU FORGOT TO GIVE
HER SPENDING MONEY.

I DON'T KNOW WHAT
HAPPENED. I JUST FROZE.

KERRY? MARIJUANA?

IT'S UNBELIEVABLE.

I WONDER WHERE SHE
WOULD GET SUCH AN IDEA.

CATE, COME ON, YOU
LET ME IN YOUR HOME.

YOU THINK I'M GONNA REPAY YOU
BY GIVING YOUR DAUGHTER WEED?

NO.

I'D BET MY LEFT EYE ON IT.

I HAVEN'T TOUCHED
THAT STUFF IN FIVE YEARS.

- IN A ROW?
- OKAY, TWO.

- YOU WANT SOME ADVICE?
- OH, SURE.

BETWEEN THE STOLEN DRUG
DOG AND THE LEATHER PANTS,

- YOU'RE BATTING
A THOUSAND TODAY.
- ALL I'M SAYING IS

THAT WHEN MY PARENTS
CAME DOWN ON ME HARD,

I WENT IN THE
OPPOSITE DIRECTION.

OBVIOUSLY, THEY DIDN'T
COME DOWN HARD ENOUGH.

ALL RIGHT, STOP IT.

YOU WANT ME TO COME DOWN HARD
ON HER. YOU WANT ME TO GO EASY.

AND I WOULD JUST LIKE TO KNOW
WHAT'S GOING ON INSIDE MY GOOD CHILD.

THE THIEF, THE DRUGGIE
OR THE BIKER CHICK?

WHAT UP, SMOKEY?

CAN'T YOU DO BETTER THAN THAT?

WHAT UP... POT SMOKER?

OH, HEY, BY THE WAY, JUST
WANT TO SAY THANK YOU.

- FOR WHAT?
- FOR GETTING MOM
TO UTTER THE WORDS

"I'LL DEAL WITH YOU LATER."

YOU KNOW HOW LONG I'VE
BEEN WAITING TO HEAR THAT?

SINCE LIKE BIRTH. PERFECT.

WHAT DO YOU THINK YOU'RE
DOING? YOU'RE NOT GOING OUT.

MOM'S PISSED AT YOU.

NOT AS MUCH AS SHE'S PISSED AT YOU,
WHICH MEANS I CAN DO WHATEVER I WANT.

BRIDGET, WHERE DO
YOU THINK YOU'RE GOING?

OH, KERRY. I NEED
TO TALK TO YOU.

- I'LL DEAL WITH YOU LATER.
- OKAY.

- SO?
- SO?

JUST GROUND ME.
GET IT OVER WITH.

NO.

KERRY, WHEN I WAS YOUR AGE,

MY MOM WOULD PUNISH
ME AND I'D ASK HER WHY.

AND SHE'D SAY "BECAUSE I'M
YOUR MOTHER, THAT'S WHY."

BUT I'M NOT GONNA DO THAT.

YOU AND I ARE GONNA TALK.

OH, HONEY. YOU'VE BEEN
THROUGH A LOT THIS YEAR.

I JUST WANT YOU TO
KNOW THAT I UNDERSTAND

IF... IF YOU'RE ACTING OUT

BECAUSE OF WHAT
HAPPENED TO YOUR DAD.

GOD, MOM!

I'M SO SICK OF EVERYONE INTERPRETING
EVERY MOVE I MAKE AS A REACTION

OF WHAT HAPPENED TO DAD.

LAST WEEK I WAS AT SCHOOL AND
THEY SERVED THIS DISGUSTING LASAGNA,

SO I THREW IT OUT.

NEXT THING I KNOW, I'M IN
THE PRINCIPAL'S OFFICE...

"KERRY, NOT EATING IS NO
WAY OF DEALING WITH GRIEF."

I'M LIKE "IT HAS NOTHING
TO DO WITH GRIEF.

YOUR FOOD SUCKS!"

YOU KNOW, IN CASE
NO ONE'S NOTICED,

I'M POPULAR THIS YEAR.

I HAVE A BOYFRIEND
WHO LOVES ME. I'M FINE.

OKAY. YOU'RE FINE.

FAIR ENOUGH. SO... SO, SWEETIE,

LET ME ASK YOU THIS...

HAVE YOU LOST YOUR MIND?

KERRY, THIS IS MARIJUANA.

IT'S ILLEGAL, IN CASE
YOU DIDN'T KNOW.

OH, PLEASE, MOM! LIGHTEN UP.

TELL ME YOU DIDN'T TRY
IT WHEN YOU WERE MY AGE.

HMM?

WELL, ALL RIGHT, I WON'T LIE.

YEAH, I DID.

AND IT WAS STUPID AND
ILLEGAL BACK THEN TOO.

COME ON, MOM. EVERYBODY
KNOWS IT'S NOT A BIG DEAL.

EVERYBODY DOESN'T WORK IN
AN EMERGENCY ROOM LIKE I DO.

LOOK, KERRY, I SEE KIDS
COME IN THERE EVERY DAY

BECAUSE THEY THOUGHT
IT WASN'T A BIG DEAL.

WHERE'D YOU GET THIS, ANYWAY?

COME ON.

COME ON.

THE DEBATE TEAM.

A FEW KIDS OFFERED ME A JOINT

AND I TOOK IT.

THE DEBATE TEAM SMOKES POT?

AT LEAST IN MY DAY WE
THOUGHT IT WOULD MAKE US COOL.

YOU TOLD ME THE
DEBATE TEAM IS COOL.

IT IS. IT IS.

LOOK, I STUFFED IT IN MY
BACKPACK AND LEFT IT THERE.

I NEVER TRIED IT, I SWEAR.

YOU DIDN'T EXACTLY
THROW IT AWAY EITHER.

YOU'RE GROUNDED ONE MONTH.

WHATEVER.

THAT "WHATEVER" JUST
BROUGHT YOU ANOTHER MONTH.

TWO MONTHS FOR DOING NOTHING?

NOTHING?! I'M TRYING TO
GET THROUGH TO YOU, OKAY?

YOU ALSO CANNOT GET
YOUR LICENSE UNTIL THE FALL.

- I CAN'T GET MY LICENSE? WHY?
- WHY?! WHY?!

BECAUSE I'M YOUR
MOTHER, THAT'S WHY.

HEY, CATE, GOT YOUR MAIL.

AND IF YOU'RE LOOKING
FOR KERRY DOWNEY JR...

I SAW HER CLIMBING
DOWN THE RAIN GUTTER.

- WHAT?
- SHOULD I HAVE
STOPPED HER?

- HEY.
- HEY.

- SO WHY DO WE HAVE TO
HOOK UP HERE?
- I'M GROUNDED.

HAD TO SNEAK OUT OF THE HOUSE. YOU
KNOW I CLIMBED THROUGH A WINDOW FOR YOU?

AH. YOU'RE IN TROUBLE?

YOU NEVER GET IN
TROUBLE. WHAT'D YOU DO?

DID YOU GET AN A-MINUS?

MY MOM FOUND
WEED IN MY BACKPACK.

SHE TOTALLY FREAKED OUT. I'M GROUNDED
FOR TWO MONTHS, CAN'T GET MY LICENSE.

CAN YOU BELIEVE THAT?

SINCE WHEN DID YOU
START SMOKING WEED?

IT'S NOT LIKE I'M PART OF THE
FLUFFHEAD STONER GROUP.

I JUST HAD SOME ON ME.

WHAT'S THE BIG DEAL?

YOU KNOW MY BROTHER'S A
DRUGGIE AND TOTALLY OUT THERE.

- WELL, YEAH, BUT...
- THE GUY TOTALLY SCREWED UP HIS LIFE.

IT'S NOT LIKE I WANT
TO SEE SOMEBODY ELSE

I CARE ABOUT GO
THROUGH THAT AGAIN.

WELL, I HADN'T EVEN DECIDED
IF I WAS GONNA TRY IT OR NOT.

I MEAN, WE'RE STILL
OKAY, AREN'T WE?

LOOK, LET ME KNOW
WHAT YOUR DECISION IS

AND THEN I'LL LET YOU KNOW MINE.

KYLE!

CAN YOU HEAR ME NOW? GOOD.

CAN YOU HEAR ME NOW? GOOD.

C.J.

SO... TROUBLE WITH
THE LOLLIPOP GUILD?

HOW'D YOU KNOW I WAS HERE?

TEENAGE GIRL, MALL... NOT
EXACTLY A RUBIK'S CUBE.

WAS THAT YOUR BOYFRIEND?

I'M NOT SURE.

HE LOOKS FAMILIAR. I THINK I USED
TO HANG OUT WITH HIS BROTHER.

LOOK...

WHITNEY HOUSTON, I GET
WHY YOU TOOK OFF, ALL RIGHT?

I USED TO DO THE SAME THING
WHEN MY PARENTS WIGGED OUT ON ME.

BUT TODAY I KINDA
SAW WHAT HAPPENS

AFTER THE KID LEAVES

AND IT'S, UH... IT'S KIND
OF TOUGH ON YOUR MOM.

SHE'S UPSET?

WELL, IT'S NOT LIKE YOU'RE
TRAPPED IN A WELL, BUT YEAH.

LET ME TAKE YOU HOME.

YEAH... NO, OFFICER,
THAT'S OAKDALE.

YEAH, WELL, THANK YOU.

OH, WELL, LOOK WHO SHOWS UP.

HERE WE ARE WORRIED
SICK TRYING TO FIND KERRY

AND YOU'RE OUT... FINDING KERRY.

EH, GOOD JOB.

OH, IT KILLS YOU TO
SAY THAT, DOESN'T IT?

A BIT LIKE SWALLOWING FIRE.

- I'M SO SORRY.
- OH, KERRY.

I WON'T EVER DO IT AGAIN.

YOU'RE DAMN RIGHT YOU WON'T.

ALL RIGHT, YOU'RE
GONNA TAKE THIS THING

- AND THROW IT
INTO THE FIREPLACE.
- WHOA WHOA WHOA WHOA.

AND GIVE EVERYONE A
CONTACT HIGH? COME ON.

YOU REALLY WANT TO SEE
GRANDPA CRANKING PINK FLOYD

AND WATCHING "THE WIZARD
OF OZ" WITH THE SOUND OFF?

I DON'T. WE FLUSH IT.

BRIDGET.

OFFICER.

- IS THIS YOUR DAUGHTER, MA'AM?
- FOR NOW.

WOW. IT'S LIKE
CHRISTMAS MORNING.

I HAD TO CITE YOUR DAUGHTER

FOR RIDING ON THE BACK OF A
MOTORCYCLE WITHOUT A HELMET.

IT WASN'T ME.

YOU ARE IN BIG TROUBLE.

WHAT, I THOUGHT YOU
WERE DEALING WITH ME LATER

BECAUSE OF KERRY
AND... AND HER FRIENDS.

MARY, JUAN AND... ANA.

NICE TRY.

LOOK, OFFICER, I'M SORRY.
MY FAMILY IS GENERALLY

VERY RESPECTFUL OF THE LAW.

HEY...

- BUDDY.
- THIS IS BUZZKILL,
OUR DRUG DOG.

- HOW DID HE GET HERE?
- IT WAS ALL HIM.

'CAUSE THERE'S A
REWARD FOR FINDING HIM.

IT WAS ALL ME, SIR.

HE SMELLS MY DOG, I BET.

HE'S FUN. GET HIM OFF ME.

- COME ON.
- GOOD PUPPY.

HE'S A NICE DOG.

SIR, MAY I ASK WHAT
YOU'RE DOING WITH THIS?

THAT?

YEAH, SURE.

THAT'S A, UM... THAT'S 'CAUSE...

WELL, IT LOOKS LIKE IT'S TIME
FOR MY GLAUCOMA MEDICATION.

- THANK YOU, GRANDSON.
- THERE YOU GO.

NOW, I HAVE TO MAKE
A COURT APPEARANCE.

WHY DIDN'T ANYONE TELL ME THAT
GLAUCOMA MEDICINE IS ILLEGAL IN MICHIGAN?

WELL, DAD, LOOK
ON THE BRIGHT SIDE.

YOU COULD CARPOOL TO THE
COURTHOUSE WITH BRIDGET.

OH, AND YOU MIGHT AS
WELL BRING RORY TOO.

HE CAN PICK UP HIS REWARD.

AND YOU THOUGHT ALL THIS
BEHAVIOR WAS C.J.'S FAULT.

GUILTY.

AND YOU THOUGHT
THEY WERE REACTING TO,

WELL, YOU KNOW, WHAT HAPPENED.

TURNS OUT THEY WERE JUST BEING
TYPICAL REBELLIOUS TEENAGERS.

- WHICH MEANS?
- YOU'RE SCREWED.

WHAT IS IT, CATE?

I JUST, UH...

I JUST DON'T KNOW
IF I CAN DO THIS.

YOU KNOW, THE KIDS ARE ALL
REACHING COMPLICATED AGES

AND I'M A SINGLE MOM.

I DON'T WANT TO BE ONE.

YOU'RE A GREAT MOTHER
AND A GREAT PARENT.

OH, IT'S HARD, DAD.

I'M JUST AFRAID I
CAN'T DO IT ALL ALONE.

OH, BABY GIRL, YOU'RE NOT ALONE.

FINALLY.

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