8 Simple Rules (2002–2005): Season 1, Episode 9 - Two Boys for Every Girl - full transcript

A little lower to
the left. Perfect.

Hi, Daddy.

Uh, Kyle?

Oh, hey, Papa H.
You wanna be next?


- You know what? I better split.
- Good idea.

Yeah, but before I go,
how about a little sugar?

Here's a candy bar. Goodbye.

I was eating that.

Hey, everybody.

Hey, you know
what? I was thinking,

why don't we all go out for a
pizza and a movie as a family?

Why are you punishing us?

Sounds great. I like it when
we hang out like a real family.

Wow! Sarcasm with a smile.

We're used to it with a
sneer. Isn't that right, Paul?

Well, honey, we're not used to the
"let's all hang out as a family" Kerry.

We're more used to
the "my life sucks" Kerry.

She's just in a good mood
because a boy asked her out today.

- Oh!
- Really? Who?

- His name is Jason.
- Ooh! Jason, Jason.

Are you gonna kiss him?

He's so cute and
he's really smart,

and he wants to go
out next weekend. So?

Oh, Kerry, I'm really happy
this Jason asked you out, but...

You know the rules.

Bridget had to wait till she
was old enough and so do you.

You think in six months
I'll be better prepared?

No, but I'll be better prepared.

Oh, my life sucks!

Now that's the Kerry
we know. Right there.

- This is nice. Having fun, Care Bear?
- Drop dead.

I hate you.

You had me at drop dead.

What will it be? I heard this
Robert Redford movie's good.

Oh, please. Robert Redford
is such a Brad Pitt rip-off.

How about that new
movie, Go Go Go?

It's about really fast cars and
girls who like guys who drive 'em.

Is that Kyle taking tickets?

Please, my boyfriend does
not work at a movie theater.

Welcome to Montross Theaters.

Oh, my God, my boyfriend
works at a movie theater!

This is so lame. Why
wouldn't he tell me?

Oh, I don't know. Maybe he had
the crazy idea you would judge him.


Now, Bridget, come
on. All work is noble.

- There you go. Right through there.
- Look at his little bow tie.

I cannot date someone
who works at the multiplex.

Can't he work somewhere
cooler, a music store?

- Or a bookstore.
- Being serious here.

- I gotta go. I'll be at the food court.
- Bridget!

I should make sure she's OK.

Kerry! Come on, guys, it's
family movie night. You can't leave.

Now at least we can
see this Redford movie.

Actually, that just sold out.
The only other movie left is...

Go Go Go.

- Three please.
- Go...

Parker was totally
flirting with me.

I was like, "Uh-uh," but then I realized
he was cute so I was like, "Uh-huh."

Who's Parker?

This cool senior. We were at the
Pennsylvania Pretzel Company,

he started talking to
me then asked me out.

I couldn't believe it.
He works at Banana.

- And that's cool,
working at Banana?
- Uh, yeah.

- What about Kyle?
- Please, Dad,
he's a movie usher.

You gotta do better than that
if you want to hang with this.

Could you never do that again?

You won't let me go out
with some guy I really like,

but let Bridget go out with
some random pretzel guy.

He's not some random pretzel
guy. He works at Banana.

This is the most unfair thing ever.
Why don't you just lock me in my room?

Your mother won't let me!

You know, it's only one
date, and she's so excited.

Maybe we should bend
the rules just a little.

Know what happens
when you bend the rules?

They're not rules anymore.
They're just... bent things.

I would've said that
differently, but you're the writer.

My point is, dating is complicated
and emotionally charged.

Kerry is such a sensitive girl.
I don't wanna see her get hurt.

She is more mature and responsible
than Bridget was at her age.

I think she deserves a chance.

OK. I'll think about it.


Thank you so much
for talking to him, Mom.

OK, I'm off to pick up Parker.

Wait, you're picking him up?

In my day it was customary for the
boy to pick up the girl on a first date.

Back in your day women
wore corsets and bustiers.

No, they didn't.

Really? Then how
come Mom has one?

- No, she doesn't.
- No, I don't.

Anyway, If Kyle calls, tell him I have a
headache and I can't come to the phone.

You haven't told Kyle
about Parker, Bridget?

Well, I can't tell Kyle.
He's my safety net.

Wh... I'm not lying for you!

What's a safety net?

Well, you know, in case it doesn't work
out with Parker. Which is totally wrong.

Did you have any safety nets?

- That must be Jason.
- I'll get it. I'll get it.

A father only has a few
chances to put the fear of God

into a daughter's boyfriend.
This is one of them.

OK, just be nice.

I'm always nice. Now beat it.

I'm just gonna... Get out.

Hi, I'm Jason, Kerry's friend.

Nice to meet you. Oh, sorry.

It's an old habit from
my days in the Corps.

Peace Corps?

You wish.

So, Mr. Hennessy...

Please, colonel. Come on in.

Sit down.

So I see you went to Michigan. Think
their hoop team has a chance this year?

You don't really like
basketball, do you, Jason?

No, sir.

Let's cut to the chase.


Now... you're a teenager
with raging hormones.

I'm a father with
a raging temper.

If your hormones get into the
ring with my temper, they will lose.

You understand?

Yes, sir. Hormones,
temper, lose every time.

Look, Colonel Hennessy...

I'm not after anything.

All I want is for Kerry to
like me as much as I like her.

Oh... well said.

OK. I'm ready.
Let's get out of here.

You kids have fun. But no pulling
over and parking somewhere.


No, sir, I mean, not
with my Mom driving us.

Hi there.

Shut up.

What? I just wanted to know
how your date with Jason went.

Oh, it was fine.


Did you have to kiss
Jason's mom good night too?

So how'd it go, honey?

Oh, he's so awesome.
We had such a great time.

Thank you so much
for letting me go.

Oh, my pleasure, Care Bear.
I knew you were ready to date.

You know what? You are
so much cooler than Dad.

Well, it's not a competition.

But if it was, I'd win.

All right. Bye, honey.

- So how'd it go last night?
- Just OK.

- Hello?
- Is that Jason?

Could be. Does Jason have a thick
accent and need to talk to Rudolfo?

OK, no one in this
house get on the phone.

- Hey, Dad.
- Where you going, Bridget?

Kyle's taking me shopping.
If he asks where I was,

do not say I was with Parker.

I was at Mandy's watching
Bring It On then went for pizza.

Make that the Smoothie
Shack for a fro-yo...

I don't like Bring It On.
Dude, Where's My Car?

Enough! I'm not lying for you.

- Is Mom here?
- Wait!

She's not lying, either. Bridget,
you know, this is... You gotta stop.

I mean, as much as it pains me to
say this, even Kyle doesn't deserve this.

I think you need
to tell him the truth.

- But I'm getting away with it.
- You need to tell him
the truth.

- Ready to go?
- Yep.

Bridget, don't you have
something to say to Kyle?

- Kyle, we have to talk.
- What's up?

I went on a date
with Parker Jarvis.

- Parker? You did?
- But it wasn't serious
at all...

- I break up with you.
- What?

I see where this is going, and I
want credit. I break up with you first.

Later, Papa H.

See? Doesn't the
truth just feel better?

What's for dinner?

Vegetarian meatloaf
with polenta.

Mm. Can I have a Hot Pocket?


Hi, Care Bear.

OK, hypothetically, if a girl has
a really good date with a boy,

and the boy doesn't call
her for more than two days,

there's something wrong, right?

Well, maybe Jason doesn't
want to seem too eager.

Who said I was talking
about Jason? God, Dad!

I'm just saying that there
could be many reasons why...

a hypothetical
guy wouldn't call.

I mean, after your Mom and
I went out for the first time,

I waited a week
before calling her.

How come?

I didn't want her to
know I was interested.

But one morning when I
went out to get the paper,

I caught him kissing my car.

But I didn't call.

Hey, Beach. How was your day?

Awful. Everybody talked
about how I got dumped by Kyle.

Amanda told Sara told Sabrina
told Erin. It was humiliating.

When Parker found out I got dumped
by an usher, he broke up with me.

I'm the biggest
loser in the school!

I hope you're happy
because it's all your fault!

OK, I'm a bad
person. Point taken.

Now, can we have a
nice, quiet, family dinner?

Kerry, stop staring
at the phone.

So, what's new
with my little family?

- Well, no one loves
your daughters.
- Mom!

- Dad!
- OK, Rory, that is it!

Upstairs. No dinner!

- Oh, man!
- Go!

And we were having
vegetarian meatloaf and polenta.

Get out!

Guys are the worst!

Not Kyle. Here we
are inside the mall.

Here we are outside the
mall. Where was this one?

- The mall?
- Oh, yeah.

Our mall.

What do you do when you go out
with a guy and you have a good time

and then he doesn't call?

I don't know. Does
that happen to people?

God, you know, I mean, I thought
Jason and I had a really good time.

Maybe it's me.
Maybe he hates me.

- OK, start at the beginning.
- OK, well, he...

Yeah, I'm bored. Let's
get to the good stuff.

- Did he make a move?
- No.

- Did he try and kiss you?
- No.

- Did he hug you real tight?
- No.

Kerry, are you sure
you had a date?


OK, did you even hold hands?

Kind of. I mean, he
couldn't get his seat belt on.

His mom said she wouldn't
leave until the dinging stopped.

I reached over to help
him put his seat belt on,

and I kinda touched his hand.

Oh, God. No wonder
he's blowing you off.

Why? What did I do wrong?

Maybe you shouldn't have buckled
him up in front of his mommy.

Maybe I should call.

No! No, no. You
never call the guy.

It's needy. It's pathetic.

Wouldn't it be more honest?

Honest? Dad told me to be
honest and look where it got me?

- Sitting home alone
on a Friday night.
- I know.

God, Colonel Dad probably
freaked Jason out. God, he sucks.

I know. Dad made me break
up with the only guy I'll ever love

just because he
was a movie usher.

Go Go Go, theater three. Thanks
for coming to Montross Theaters.

Enjoy the movie.

- Hi, hi, hi.
- Hey, Papa H.

Kyle, mind if we
have a little chat?

Sure. What's up?

Kyle, you know I've
always liked you, right?


Well, I have. I just... I'm
worried about Bridget.

She's been really upset ever
since you broke up with her.

Oh, yeah, I've been upset too.

The only reason I got this job was
so I could take her to nicer places.

Really? Well,
that's really nice.

She should never have lied to you.
You know she's really a good person,

but I may have said a few things

that might have pushed
her in the wrong direction.

What are you getting at?

Well, I thought that if you still liked
her, maybe you could, I don't know...

Mr. Hennessy, are you asking me to
get back together with your daughter?

- Yes.
- Oh.

Are you begging me?

What are you watching?

My social life being
flushed down the toilet.

Is it any good?

Kyle! It's so good to see you.

- Kyle? What are you doing here?
- I need to talk to you.

I'll give you kids some privacy.

Oh, more?

Bridget and Kyle? Do you
have anything to do with this?

I don't want to brag, but it
depends on how it turns out.

Listen... I'm sorry about
the whole breakup thing.

You know, it was stupid to worry
about my reputation, but... I miss you.

I miss you too.

So do you want to
get back together?

- Yes.
- Yeah.

OK, now I break up with you.

And just so we're clear,
I get credit this time.

Oh, you definitely had
something to do with this.

I thought you wanted to
get back together with Kyle.

I will, as soon as I
get my reputation back.

I'll call Erin who will call Sara,
Sabrina, Amanda who will tell the world.

She's got the biggest mouth.
It should take about a week.

Well, that's terrible! You
can't just use Kyle like that!

So... next Saturday?

Yeah, I'd love to.

What just happened?

Well, I guess you fixed
it, so congratulations.

Has anyone called for me?

You know that guy Jason
you went out on a date with?

- Yeah?
- Yeah, he didn't call.

Are you out of your
mind? That's not nice, Rory!

If you gave me a brother,
we wouldn't have this problem.

Get upstairs.


It's not fair! Jason
hasn't called.

And he even stopped saying
hi at school. It's all weird now.

You know, how come I'm the
nice one, and I get blown off?

Bridget's mean to Kyle,
and he comes crawling back.

I have no idea
how that happened.

Look, Kerry, maybe...

You know, I've been
through all the maybes.

Maybe I'm just not
what a guy wants.

Maybe I should be more like
Bridget and dress like a lap dancer.

- Maybe I'm just
not sexy enough.
- Look, Kerry, you are plenty...

Forget that.

Let's talk about what's
important, and it's not your clothes.

It's what's underneath.
I mean, no...

This is why I think my kids
should wait before they date.

You don't have to worry about it because
I don't ever wanna go on a date again.

Alrighty then.
Dinner in an hour.

All guys are jerks!

You really liked
this guy, didn't you?

Honey, not all guys are jerks.

The truth is, and...

here's the painful part, sometimes,
there are good guys like Jason,

but it's just not meant to be.

- I know.
- So don't give up on all guys.

Don't cheat all the others who
are gonna find you beautiful

and talented and amazing.



Amazing, huh?


- Thanks, Dad.
- Yes.

Kerry, Jason's on the phone.

- Really?
- No.

Gee, honey, you look a little
undressed for family movie night.

It's just a little extra punishment
for a certain movie usher.

You know I'm talking
about Kyle, right?

I wanna see Go Go Go again.

What was it, Rory, the timeless
emotions, the witty banter?

I liked it when the car flipped
over, but he didn't spill his Coke.

Yeah, me too, that was cool.

Didn't we just have
family movie night?

That doesn't count. In order
for it to be family movie night,

the family has to
actually see a movie.


- Colonel.
- At ease.

Mrs. Hennessy.





You said that.

Right. Um... So, what
have you been up to?

Oh, I've been really busy, so
if you tried to call, I didn't get it.

No. I know you
didn't call. I just...

I don't know why. I
had a really nice time.

Me too.

Why didn't you say hi at school?

I was waiting for
you to say hi first.

I would have called you,
but my brother told me not to.

My sister told
me not to call you.

We have so much in common.

I don't know, I was all embarrassed
because I hate having my mom drive us.

I mean, that housecoat.

You know, but... if you
just wait three months,

I'll have my driver's license.

There's a yogurt
stand in the food court.

My mom wouldn't
have to drive us.

Ew, Dad, don't do the thumb.

What's wrong with this?

Honey, just put that away.

Well, we lost Kerry. Four
out of five isn't bad, right?

- Yo, Bridge!
- Oh, come on!

Hey, Kyle. Why aren't
you taking tickets?

I got a job selling snowboards
at Barenaked Board & Skate.

No! Really? Let's
take me shopping.

Well, I would, but I thought
we were still broken up.

For another 24 hours.

Oh, yeah.

Here's... here's a thought, you
could say the whole thing was mutual.

- I'll say it if she will.
- I will if he will.

- Are you gonna say it?
- Are you?

Oh, for God sake, I now
pronounce you mutual.

- What's so funny?
- You.


For not wanting your daughters to
date, you've been a regular matchmaker.

You're right. I guess I like seeing 'em
happy, even if it has to be with boys.

Oh, no. Oh, no, no, no. Our
movie's sold out. All that's left is...

- Go Go Go.
- Oh, no.

I guess you're wondering
how that kid ended up in a rug.

Look at him. Easy
on the eyes, isn't he?

You'll hear about this.

Maybe at school, or
maybe a friend will IM you.

Or maybe you'd like
to get the real facts,

the real scoop, the
whole enchilada.

He was just spying
on his sisters. So what?

Personally, I think they're jealous of
him. But that's a story for another day.

Ironic, isn't it? He always
wanted to stay up all night.

I guess he got more
than he bargained for.