8 Simple Rules (2002–2005): Season 1, Episode 4 - Wings - full transcript

Paul's worried about Bridget wanting to take a driver's test & Kerry,at his urging,enters an art competition with an unusual entry.

- Bridget?
- Yes. Wake up, Daddy.

You can't snooze your
life away. Up and at 'em.

- I don't wanna.
- You promised
to take me driving.

I didn't say as soon as it becomes
today, I said some time today.

- This is some time.
- So is later. Hon, it's Saturday.

Go downstairs and
watch some cartoons.

Come on, you said I need more practice
before I can get my driver's license.

- You're already awake.
- Oh, that is so convenient.

- OK, we'll go.
- OK, I'll see you downstairs.

- Five minutes!
- Make it ten.

- Don't make me
come up there.
- All right, all right. Jeez!



It wasn't my fault.

I took that turn wide only
because you kept yelling at me.

I was speaking loudly, yet
calmly, to draw your attention

to the parked
car you nearly hit.

I wasn't even close, I
missed it by, like, a foot.

Yes, she missed
it by, like, a foot.

It didn't go well, huh?

I'm not sure, I spent most of
the time looking at my forearms.

- That girl is not ready
to drive a car.
- She's ready for her license.

- When I take her out,
she's fine.
- Well, sure, she's relaxed.

If she crashes with you in the car,
at least there's a nurse on the scene.

It helps when someone isn't
stomping on the imaginary brake

every time a candy
wrapper blows by.

I thought it was
a small dog, OK?



Can't see why you're against
letting her get behind the wheel.

- Thank you, Kerry.
- Although, she has had

- a lot more practice
in the backseat.
- Oh, my God!

A good driver would
know how to control herself.

You are so funny.

- Ready to go, Mom?
- Oh, right. Shoes.

Again.

Rory, you're just
growing up so fast. Stop it.

- If I had my license,
I could take him.
- She's right, Paul.

She's ready to drive and she
could be a big help with errands.

- She'd remember
to pick things up.
- I just need a reminder.

Uh-huh. Yeah, I can see how, "Paul,
we need milk," could seem a little vague.

Shouldn't you be
off getting shoes?

- I thought it was vague,
too, Dad.
- You see? Vague!

Dad, can I get cool
shoes like Curtis has?

Of course you can, my boy.

No. Do you know how much they
cost? It's either shoes or college.

I'm not college material.

- Bye.
- Oh, and don't forget,
we need milk.

- Uh-huh. OK, milk.
- See, Mom thinks
I'm ready to drive.

Mom also thought I
was ready for fatherhood.

Dad, I'm serious. I
turned 16 four months ago.

I passed Driver's Ed, I put in
my hours, I know how to drive.

That's fine for the State
of Michigan, not for me.

- Any idiot can drive a car.
- Then let her get her license.

She is so funny.

Bridget, it's not enough that
you know how to drive a car.

Before I let you get a license,

I need to be sure you know
how to take care of a car.

That means changing the oil,
inspecting the belts and the hoses.

Uh, fixing flats.

If I learn how to do all
that, then can I get it?

- We'll talk.
- I'm never gonna drive!

Not with that negative attitude.

Kerr... Kerry, you left
some papers behind.

You can just toss
them in the trash.

Can I, because that's
the kind of thing I live for.

- So... an art competition?
- Excuse me.

Don't read that. That's
my personal... trash.

Well, it's my house, my trash.

So this art competition...

It's so not a big deal,
some statewide thing.

- I'm not entering.
- Kerry, you're a great artist.

You've always been a great artist.
I still have that bunny you drew me.

I was five, and
it was a giraffe.

Well, still, you showed a remarkable
command of light and color.

I don't need to enter a contest.

I don't care what people
think, I do it for myself.

Well, it would be nice
to let people see it.

Come on, Care Bear, put
yourself out there. Don't hide.

You got something you can enter?

There was something
I was working on.

Great! All right.

You know, sometimes in life,
the biggest risk is not taking one.

Did you read that
on a bumper sticker?

Actually, yeah, it was on the
parked car Bridget nearly hit.

- Hey, Cate.
- Hey.

- Where have you two been?
- Dad took me
to get art supplies.

I got Kerry to enter an art competition
by turning on the Hennessy charm.

- And you fell for that?
- I threw him a bone.

OK. I'm gonna go create, so don't even
ask when I'll be coming out of my room.

So how did your shoe
shopping go with Rory?

- Eighty-five dollars.
- Eighty-five...

For a pair of sneakers?

- I gotta see these.
- Go look out the window.

He's riding his bike over
them so they don't look new.

Oh. That's nice.

Did you get the milk?

It's not so easy, is it?

Ha ha!

Bridget, how's it going?

Oh, great, this car
maintenance stuff is so cinchy.

Whose legs are those? Please tell
me you didn't run over somebody.

- What up, Papa H?
- Kyle.

- What are you doing here?
- Showing our girl around
an engine.

She's not "our girl." My
girl, my garage, my engine.

I don't want you showing
her around anything.

Dude, maybe you should
change your oil more often.

It was like mud in there.

Really, Daddy, it should
be done every 3,000 miles.

Dude. So, you changed the oil?

- Wait, before you get mad...
- No, it's too late.

- Bridget said it'd be OK.
- She was wrong.

Is that my favorite
Michigan sweatshirt?

Yeah, and it's real comfy.

Get out.

I wanted to give
Bridget a kiss goodbye.

I know.

What is your damage? God, you told
me you want me to learn to change the oil.

Yes, you. Not... Kyle.

I was, but he came over and
he's all, "You're doing it wrong."

I'm like, "Shut up," and
he's all, "Let me show you."

I'm all, "Fine, you do
it." I held the flashlight.

I don't believe you. You really think
you can get through life on looks alone?

Well, you can't.

Please let me get my license today.
Please! I promised Amber I'd drive her

by Griffin's to see if Tiffany's
car is in the driveway.

We already know it is. God,
Tiffany is such dirty business.

As dirty as Tiffany's business may be,
you didn't hold your end of the bargain.

But, I need to drive
to get... places... today.

You're gonna have to think
of other ways to get places.

I need more boyfriends.

- Not until it's finished.
- Get over yourself,
I'm just bored.

You know, Dad is such a jerk.

He backs out of our deal 'cause
I let a cute guy work on the car.

Meanwhile, his
mechanic works on it.

And he's cute!
Dad's a hypocrite,

I hate him. He's totally on
me about getting my license.

He's acting like he's some
kind of car-driving God guy.

Cool painting. I don't get it.

- I just started it so...
- Not whatever that is. I don't get Dad.

Why wouldn't he let
me get my license?

Dad doesn't take you seriously.

You keep saying the same
thing over and over again.

"Daddy, can I get my license?"
"Daddy, can I get my license?"

He's got you jumping
through hoops.

You have to take a stand. Like
I'm taking a stand with my artwork.

I'm gonna show those judges
something they have never seen.

You're right. I've got to get
Dad to take me seriously.

Kerry, you look serious all
the time, how do you do it?

Like that.

OK, Daddy.

If I can prove I know more about driving
then you, can I get my license today?

- Sure, honey.
- OK.

True or false. This is
a true or false question.

I understand.

All right, when passing a tractor,
you honk your horn three times.

I'd honk once then ask the guy what
he's doing driving a tractor on our street.

- Dad! True or false!
- OK, true!

Ha! False, you don't honk at
all. One wrong. Second question:

In terms of a clock,
where's the safest place

- to put your hand on the wheel?
- I know, ten and two.

Wrong, since the
introduction of air bags,

nine and three have become
the recommended spots.

Nine and three? Would've thought

- that'd been bigger news.
- I know this book cold.

I could drive an ambulance.
I want my license.

Bridge...

- Kerry? What's the matter?
- Nothing,
please leave me alone.

See, she's fine. I still
don't have my license.

- You're not gonna get it now.
- You said if I knew more,
I could.

I'll tell you something, you'll
drive when I say you can drive.

This is so unfair. I have
jumped over every hoop!

- So, Kerry...
- I don't want to talk about it.

Honey...

is it boys?

School? Female things?

- I don't want to talk about it.
- Sorry.

All of the above? Or, sorry. No.

OK, we don't have
to talk about it.

- They hated my painting.
- You didn't even
show me your painting.

I didn't want you to see it.

I was the only one in my class
who didn't get to the next level.

Including that football player who
let his dog do his painting with his tail.

I'm so sorry.

- What kind of dog was it?
- Dad!

I know. I know. That's not
important. Forget it. Doesn't matter.

God, these are real
artists and gallery owners.

They know what
they're talking about.

They said my piece did not meet
the standards of the competition.

- That could mean anything.
- No it can't!

It means I wasn't worth
judging. It means that I suck!

Don't be so hard on yourself...

You know what?
This is all your fault.

Or on me.

Why did you make me
enter the competition anyway?

Kerry, you told me you didn't
care what people thought!

- Dad, I thought
you'd want to know...
- Not right now, Rory.

OK.

Is that my car?

- Is that Bridget
driving my car?
- Oh, so now you want to know.

Thanks, Terry, let me
know if you hear from her.

I don't believe this.

- I can't find Bridget anywhere.
- Check the mall?

No, Cate, I checked the
libraries and museums.

Of course I checked the mall.

I need help with
my math homework.

We're just a little
busy right now.

Just one question.

If a car's going
60 miles an hour,

and can drive 300
miles on a tank of gas,

what time will it be when
Bridget gets to Tijuana?

Upstairs. Get upstairs!

Upstairs!

Oh, thank God she's home.

Control yourself. The
important thing is she's safe.

- Before you freak out,
I'm sorry...
- You're not talking.

- What happened, officer?
- Driving without a license.

- I'm sorry. I feel terrible.
- I don't want to hear it.

What were you thinking?
I don't want to hear it!

- No harm done.
- No harm done?

- Calm down.
- I'm gonna let this go
with a warning.

No driving till you get a license.
You're a good driver, take the test.

If she's such a good driver,
why'd you pull her over? Oh, I get it.

Because she was cute, wasn't it?

No, because she was driving your
car with expired registration tags.

Actually, it's,
it's my wife's car.

- Well, you can give her this.
- Honey,
he wants you to have this.

- He wont' let me say I'm sorry.
- Stop.

- This is big, Bridget!
- If you were not such a jerk!

Hey! Don't you ever talk
to your father that way.

Now you go up to your room
and you just stay there for... ever.

- Why?!
- Upstairs!

- This is unbelievable.
- She's just... She's not gonna...

Know what's gonna
happen... This is the most...

I feel exactly the same way.

OK, Bridget's handled. Now,
would you try to calm down?

I don't think I can
sleep. My heart is racing.

Here, you're a
nurse, feel my heart.

There's nothing wrong
with your heart, Paul.

What do you know, you're
not a doctor, you're just a nurse.

I don't see how you can be so
calm when our daughter stole our car.

Oh, I thought it was my car.

It's handled.
Bridget is grounded.

I know. I wish you'd
obsess about it.

- She deliberately disobeyed me.
- That was wrong.

- She broke the law.
- That was wrong.

She called me a jerk.

A jerk!

Well, you kind of were.

What?!

Look, Bridget wouldn't have rebelled
if you'd been the tiniest bit reasonable.

Oh, you... You're saying I'm unreasonable?
That's ridiculous, right there.

- Hey. Hey, Paul.
- What?

How do you feel when Bridget
gets behind the wheel of a car?

I mean honestly?

Scared.

Or when she leaves on
a date with some boy?

Scared.

When she wakes up every morning
a little closer to becoming a woman?

Scared, OK? I'm worried about
my children. I'm a terrible father.

No. You can't prevent your daughters
from growing up 'cause you're scared.

They should tell you that when you
bring them home from the hospital.

- Morning, Bridget.
- Morning, Daddy.

- Paul?
- Hmm?

I was thinking I might take
Bridget to get her license today.

I mean, you know,
if that's OK with you?

- Sure.
- Really? You mean it?

It's your mom's call.

Let's go, honey. Come on.

Morning, Care Bear. You look like
you're feeling better this morning.

I am. You know, I can't believe I got
so upset about a stupid art contest.

Way to go. No
point in dwelling on...

- What are you throwing out?
- Just my art stuff.

- I realized it's not for me.
- Those are your paintings!

- I know. I don't need them anymore.
- What're you talking about?

Listen, we have to discuss this.

Really, Dad, I'm
totally OK with it.

Not the bunny!

It's a giraffe!

A lot of talented students just
didn't quite make the cut, Mr...

- Hennessy.
- Hennessy.

- Wait, Kerry Hennessy
is your daughter?
- Yes.

- Oh, Kerry's incredibly
talented.
- Why didn't she get in?

You see what your
daughter submitted?

Well, no, but, you know, she...
she's very private about her work.

She gets that from me, artistic
temperament. I'm a writer.

I have a column
in the local paper.

Maybe you saw it? It's
actually a very... Oh, my God!

I know, fabulous, isn't it?

If it were up to
me, she'd be in.

But this competition
was sponsored by

the Michigan Ecumenical Council
of Churches and Synagogues.

- Oh, it was?
- Uh-huh.

I can understand objections
by Catholics and Jews,

but even the Wiccans
didn't want this in.

But it is art. And
sometimes art is made

to shock and disturb
the viewer. Oh, my God!

Doesn't she have a First
Amendment right to express her...

For God sakes, put it away.

Hey, Bear.

I'm saving that seat.

Thank you.

I spoke to one of the
judges of that art contest.

Do you just hate me? Is that
why you're trying to ruin my life?

- You wanna hear
what she had to say?
- No.

What?

She said that you
were very talented.

- Stop trying
to make me feel better.
- I'm not!

She said the reason
you didn't get in,

is because your work
was too controversial.

- What?
- That's what she said.

Controversial? Oh,
my God, those Fascists.

- I'm sorry, honey.
- So we live
under some dictatorship,

and I'm being punished
for challenging authority?

- Cool!
- Wait a minute. Kerry, Kerry, Kerry!

Come here, sit down.

Kerry, you told me you didn't
care what anybody thought.

That's not true. I think, maybe,
you care a little too much.

- Are you calling me
a hypocrite?
- No, I'm just saying...

I've seen a lot
of your art work.

And you could've submitted

any number of paintings
to that church competition

- that would've been
more appropriate.
- I know, Dad.

But then... maybe they
wouldn't have liked it.

And that would hurt.

So you did everything you
could to make that not happen.

Honey...

I think you should
just, you know...

put yourself out
there once in a while.

They really thought
I was controversial?

Oh, for the love of God! And talented.
Weren't you listening to a word I said?

I was, and I'm glad
that you liked my art.

I love your art.

You know, don't... Don't
make your world too small, OK?

- OK.
- OK.

What's so funny?

My world gets bigger, Bridget
can't leave the house. So cool.

Hey, everyone! Hey,
do I look different?

Do I look like the owner of a
new Michigan driver's license?

- Can I take the car
to the mall?
- Oh, no.

You're not going anywhere else.

I took you for the test to settle this
issue and find some peace in this house.

- All right, fine. I'll be in my room.
- Uh, Cate?

You know, since
this is a special day,

maybe... I don't know,
Bridget, if you want,

you could go to the store and
pick up the milk your mother forgot.

- Really?
- You did good, honey.

Come here, beach
girl. I'm so proud of you.

- Congratulations.
- Thank you, Daddy.

So have fun, be safe, and then,
you know, back in your room.

- OK?
- That's your father's call.

This is a long time coming,
but, apparently, you've earned it.

The minivan? You want
me to drive the loser cruiser?

- Or you could walk.
- I'm good.

- You passed?
- Yes, come with!

Look at my hair,
doesn't it look good?

- So she passed.
- Yeah.

How's it feel?

Not sure.

OK, Beach, OK. I'm almost done.

Almost, one... two...
three, off you go!

You got it! You got it!

Off you go.

- See, you have to...
- Just take them and go!

Oh, man! The sole's ripped!

Dad, I'm gonna
need some new sh...

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