8 Simple Rules (2002–2005): Season 1, Episode 3 - Bridget's First Job - full transcript

Paul gets angry at Bridget for spending too much money on fashion, and tells her to find a job to learn more about money responsibility. Bridget gets a job at a local clothing store. ...

Get over here.

Hey, hey, hey, no
fighting... so close to the TV.

Kerry tried to cut my hair. Know
how long it took to grow my bangs?

Do you know how long it
took me to pay for that TV?

OK! She cut my
favorite jeans into shorts.

Bridget, you're up.

OK, here's the thing.

I'm working the pep squad car
wash and I have no shorts to wear,

none that look good, and these are
jeans I gave to her, because I'm generous.

When you explain it like that...
You're buying Kerry new jeans.

- Totally unfair.
- And Kerry, is Bridget's
hair safe from bangs?

- For now.
- Good.

- Peace in the kingdom.
- Daddy?

- I was so close.
- Can I have an advance
on my allowance?

No. I advanced three weeks
allowance... I'm talking yesterday.

That went to Mom for the loan so I
could give you money for last month.

Huh?! No. Still no.

You're making me
buy Kerry new jeans.

To replace the ones you cut up!

Exactly, can I have the
money, or do I ask Mom?

Bridget. You know, the first
word you ever said was "no,"

and now you act as if
you've never heard it.

It's a good word.

No. No. No!

- You understand
what I'm saying?
- No.

- Dad?
- Huh?

You know how Curtis
has all those cool pets?

He's got a snake, an
iguana, a tarantula...

You know, Curtis should
get an exterminator.

Dad, I really want
something poisonous.

We've had this
conversation before. No.


Hey... don't go in
my room for a while.

- Hey, Daddy!
- How was shopping?

A bust. Kerry couldn't find
any jeans with character.

- What's that supposed to mean?
- What's that supposed to mean?

I know, bad parenting.
But it was a long day.

- So what's in the bag?
- Just some stuff for Bridget.

What? I said you shouldn't
ask your mother for any money!

I think Mom should
make her own decisions.

Your mother and I are a team, it's wrong
to play one of us off against the other.

It's hard to argue with success.

Bridget, you didn't tell me your
Dad said not to buy more stuff.

That was between Dad and me.

It's irresponsible of you to scam
money out of your mother and me,

especially when you
use it to buy junk like this.

Junk? These are necessities.

Beauty mask and facial
cleansers are necessities?

I don't expect
you to understand.

You're married. No
one cares how you look.

- Your father looks fine.
- Fine? Just fine?

- No, let's not get
sidetracked here.
- Are we done yet?

- Are we done talking
about Bridget?
- We are not done talking.

We're gonna have a family
meeting, right now. Rory.

Your dad only calls
a family meeting

when he has something
important to say. So, go.

- Cate?
- Me too?

Oh, man, all right.


And since some of you seem to
think I'm your personal ATM machine,

it's time we had a talk
about responsibility.

- Starting with fiscal
- He's talking about money.

- Oh! Nice of you
to join us, Rory.
- Sorry Dad.

Can we get back on track here?

All right, we are talking
about money here.

None of you kids knows
the value of a dollar.

Will you stop fidgeting!

Sorry, Dad. Who
went in my room last?

God, it's not
important. I'm talking.

Why am I even here?
I'm totally responsible.

- Bridget's the one
who's the money pit.
- That's not true.

- I cut my own shorts yesterday.
- Hey, stop it!

Perhaps I haven't explained
the concept of a family meeting.

Paul, I have a
turkey in the oven.

- No you don't.
- If I did, it'd be done by now.

I'm finishing up, life-mate.

Actually, Bridget, maybe the best
way for you to learn responsibility

would be, possibly,
to get a job.

- Uh, Paul?
- What do you mean a job?

A job is where people work.

Paul... mini family meeting.

- Would you like me
to formally adjourn?
- No, I'll do it.

Kids, get out of here.

Bridget, stay close. Try not
to buy anything for a while.

- What?
- Hey! There
you are, little buddy!

- What's that about?
- I don't know.

Paul, what is this about
Bridget getting a job?

I was the same age as
Bridget when I got my first job.

It changed my whole
point of view about life.

Oh, is this the pyramid scheme?

It was called "multi-level marketing"
and we sold a fine line of vitamins.

If we want to teach Bridget responsibility,
we should start with something smaller,

like a job at Christmas or
summer vacation or, you know,

getting her to turn off a
light when she leaves a room.

She's taking advantage of us
lately. Nothing we say gets through.

A job will get her attention.

What if she falls behind in
school, if she gets overwhelmed?

We'll deal with that. If she doesn't
last, and I don't think she will,

she can't think everything's
just gonna be handed to her.

Oh, Paul, she's just a kid.

Did I tell you how old I was
when I got my job at the cannery?

- No, not the cannery.
- Honey, I know I'm right
about this.

She's not gonna have
us as a safety net forever.

All right, we can try.

I don't know, Heather,
I'd take him back.

He's cute, he's got a car, plus he cries.
You get a guy that cries, you own him.

- Bridget, we have to talk.
- All right, just a sec,

Your mother agrees with
me that you should get a job.

- OK fine,
I'll get a stupid job.
- I'll get a stupid...

Jobs don't grow on trees, you
know, especially for teenagers.

When I first got
my job at the...

Heather, can I get a job
where you work? Cool.

I'll see you
tomorrow. Thank you.

Not a big deal.

Cannery jobs are harder to get.

She can't pick up the phone
and call the canning people...

Bridget, wake up! You don't want
to be late on your first day! Come on!

Why didn't my alarm clock wake
me? Where is my alarm clock?

Oh, my God! Oh, my God!

Well, we're off to a great
start on your first day at work.

I can't believe you want to
work at Strip Rags anyway.

What's wrong with Strip
Rags? It's a clothing store.

- It is a clothing store, right?
- It's more like
a trend factory.

They brainwash kids into
thinking they're original,

'cause they buy the same
clothes as everybody.

Except I work there,
which means I get them first.

I'll be original and Katie
Stratton will be copying me.

- A noble goal.
- I'll get everything
at 40 percent off.

Yeah, for the handiwork of
starving Third World children.

Forty percent off!

Bridget, I'll see
you in the car.

It's official. I have
nothing to wear!

You know, sometimes, to
save time in the mornings,

I decide what to wear and
lay it out the night before.

So this is what you look
like with a head start?

Hennessy in on a Saturday?

Hiding out at work,
can't stand the wife.

I'm just picking up a file,
Tommy. Why are you here?

I can't stand my wife. I
thought I made that clear.

No, actually, I was
in the neighborhood.

I just dropped my little girl
off at her first day of work.

Boy, first you make the wife
work, then the daughter? Gorgeous.

I don't make them work.

I couldn't look in the mirror
if I made my babies work.

She's not a baby. She's a mature
woman who's very ready for this.

How would you know?
You're a terrible father.


Bridget, is everything OK?

No. I have to fill out this stupid form.
What's my social security number?

I don't know that off
the top of my head.

You're my father! OK, you
know what, just give me yours.

It doesn't work that way.

You never help me!
There's all these rules.

They're making me read
this huge manual book, and...

And I... God, I'm freaking out
here, and you don't even care!

Whoa. Whoa, whoa, whoa. God, 20
minutes and she's already in over her head.

Say, between us girls, why
are you making Bridget work?

Booze, broads, gambling? I know
people who can take care of the problem.

- They draw the line
at women and wives.
- There is no problem.

We never had this conversation. I'm
going to write down a phone number.

- I don't want a phone number.
- What phone number?

Tommy... I just think Bridget
should learn some responsibility.

Or you could stay away
from the crap tables

and give her a
chance at childhood.

Hello? Bridget?

Don't worry, I'm going to bring down
your personal information tonight.


"Dob" means date of birth.

Yes, it does. Yes, it does.

Yes, it does.

I'm starving.

Just a quick hello, then
right to the food court.

I made her stick out the
whole shift. You think she's OK?

I think she's spoiled and
her looks are going to fade.

Look, I'm just gonna tell
her it was a moral victory.

Dad, can I go to
the exotic pet store?

- What do you want to get?
- A book.

- Sure, OK. You need some money?
- No, I'm exchanging something.

I'm not going in. Strip Rags represents
everything I hate about this society.

It's a clothing store.

How can you blame tops and
pants for the downfall of civilization?

Tactical error, Paul.

Where do you want me to start?
The corporation? Advertisers?

What they tell teenagers
about how they look?

How they should
look? Body image!

And she's so little.

Come on, Kerry, let's
just go in the store.

- No.
- Bridget's first day.

She might be getting yelled at.

- I don't see her.
- Um... Maybe she's in the back.

Awful. Gross. Disgusting.

- Cute.
- What was that?

I said "puke."

Where is she? Maybe she quit.

Well, are you sure she doesn't
work at Baby Strip Rags?

Oh, God.


Yes. Turn around.

Get them in all three colors, that
plaid shirt goes with all of them.

Quick, go back and change,
it's getting hot in here.

Oh, Mom, Dad,
hey. Just a second.

Tyler, we need more hip-huggers,
stat. That means they need it right away.

I should use that
at the hospital.

- How's it going?
- Great. I should've called.

They want me to
close. Is that OK?

Sure. We just stopped by. I want to give
you your social security number and your

- "D-O-B," date of birth, "Dob."
- Thank you, love you guys. Now go.

I hate it when people
don't put away clothes.

I have no idea what that's like.

- Hi, honey.
- Hey.

You're all alone? Bridget
get home from work yet?

Everybody's upstairs. She got
home exhausted, went straight to bed.

- We didn't have time to talk.
- She's worked every night
this week.

- Without a complaint.
- Well, good for her.

- Good for you.
- Yeah.

This turned out a lot
better than you hoped.

- But you know
what I didn't expect?
- What?

I miss her.

- Ohh...
- It's so quiet here lately,

although, I thought I heard mice running
around Rory's room a couple of times.

- He says I'm imagining it.
- Oh, I'm sure you are.

I'm gonna be a basket case
when she goes off to college.

- You regret this lesson?
- No, not at all.

I've done a really good thing
for my daughter. I really have.

She's learned how to work,
how to organize herself,

how to find the alarm clock.

It's worth being a little lonely if
it means I'm being a good dad.

You have always been a good dad.

Did you see something go by?

What do you
think? This with this?

A totally shallow trendoid
fashion statement.

So it's a keeper?

I can see Dad's really teaching
you the value of a dollar.

Yeah, everything's
40 percent off.

That also means
everything's 60 percent on.

OK, math class over.

Dad always says money can't
buy happiness. He is so wrong.

You see all those
clothes? Happy!

The car I'm gonna
buy myself? So happy!

The cool loft I'm gonna get the
second I turn 18? Out of control happy!

Do you have any
customers besides yourself?

- I waited on rich Brittany
today, with her father.
- Oh, I hate rich Brittany.

He came to me, he's all, "Miss,
what would my girl look good in?"

So you put her in
something hideous, right?

See, that shows me
you're not ready to work yet.

I put her in capri pants.

Oh, my God! With her ankles!

- That's awesome.
- I know.

I'm gonna go to bed.

- Is that a shirt
from Strip Rags?
- No. Shut up.

- That means you're
one of us now.
- Never.

Join us. Join us, Kerry.

Wha...? Whoa!

- Hi, honey.
- Hey, Dad, what are you doing?

Nothing. I thought I'd
see how you're doing.

I could take my break,
buy you a coffee.

OK. You drink coffee?

So anyways, I'm like the fastest now
at using the anti-theft tag tool thing.

Back at the cannery, we
had this gizmo that could...

Oh, God, Dad,
break's over, I gotta go.

Too bad, I wanted to take you to the
bank to open up a checking account.

- Boring.
- Savings account.

- Boring.
- Start a car fund.

- You can do that?
- Yeah.

I want a convertible. I
have the perfect hair for it.

You do.

- Well, I should
get back in there.
- This was really nice.

Wait, Bridge, I
wanna say something.

You surprised me.
And I'm proud of you.

I was afraid you were
gonna crash and burn in there,

but you really,
really surprised me.

I surprised you?

You actually
thought I would fail?

I'm good at everything.
Jeez, Dad. Pay attention.

I am a winner. I
win at everything.

Where have you been
the last 16 years? God!

I also said I was proud!


OK. I only wear it when I'm
sleeping and when I'm drawing.

Who cares? I got paid today!
Take a whiff. What's that?

OK. The smell of
corporate America?

Or what normal people
would call money.

Money, money, money, money.

I decided I would share this
moment with my dear penniless sister.

Oh, my God... There has
to be some sort of mistake.

- Why? What's wrong.
- It's missing a whole
bunch of numbers.

Let me see it.

You made zero dollars.

How? OK, and no math lessons.

OK, here's a reading lesson.

This paper says you owe the
store $400 more than you've earned.

Oh, my God, I cannot
pay all this back.

They'll take me to
jail. I'll be arrested.

I'm gonna miss prom!

And you just bought
the perfect dress.

Dad is gonna be so disappointed in
me. Do you have any money I can borrow?


Oh! Here's eleventy
million dollars.

You are so unbelievably
mean right now.

- Suck it up and tell Dad.
- I'm not telling Dad, OK. God.

He will kill me. Just... What
about the credit card he gave us?

The one we're only to
use for emergencies?

Excuse me, emergency!

- Bridget!
- Not here.

When's she getting
home from work?

She's getting a ride,
she'll be home any minute.

- She is up a creek!
- Whoa! Look,

I don't know why you're upset,
but give her the benefit of the doubt.

She's been working real hard and
she's shown a real turnaround lately.

- Oh, really?
- Don't act surprised. That upsets her.

She's upset by surprises?
Well, that's funny.

Cause I get all giddy when I
can't buy gas on my credit card

because there is a $500
charge to Strip Rags.

That's freaky. That's
where Bridget works.

- I swear to God, Paul!
- Wait, I can't believe
it's Bridget.

She's being so responsible.

Kerry, get down here!


You know something?
Did Bridget do something?

A good sister does
not tattle on her sister.

You've been sworn to secrecy?

A good sister does
not tattle on her sister.

Did Bridget use the emergency
credit card to buy clothes?

A good sister does
not tattle on her sister.

Hey, everyone!

- You told!
- I didn't tell them anything.

Oh, yeah? Kerry acts out
your old love letters at parties.


Your father and I
have nothing to hide.

Not those letters, Mom, the
ones in the box marked "taxes."

- The ones...?!
- You are in big trouble.

- Rory has a snake in his room.
- No, I don't. Not anymore.

I am so disappointed in you.

OK, I bought too many clothes,
I ran up a huge debt to the store,

I forgot about taxes, it would've
taken me forever to pay them back.

Why didn't you come to
us if you got in trouble?

Because you were proud of
me for, like, the first time ever,

and I didn't want
to disappoint you!

Well, I took care of the
spy and the zookeeper.

How's it going here
with the embezzler?

I'll let her explain.

OK. I was stupid.

I got in over my head, and
did something even stupider.

I take full responsibility
for my stupid, stupid actions.

- You do?
- I told you I was
a winner, I'm not.

- I'm such a loser.
- No, Bridget,
you're not a loser.

- You are so not a loser.
- Yes, I am.

No, you're not. I watched you
work. You are a great salesgirl.

Sales associate.

Sorry, that's my mistake.

I said I was disappointed
in you, but that doesn't erase

- that I said
I was proud of you.
- Still?


Sweetie, you
showed us something.

You started a new
job, you were never late,

your schoolwork did not suffer.

Although, admittedly, that
would be hard to measure.

But, honey, you showed up and
that was very grown-up of you.

Thank you.

And yet you still didn't
learn the value of a dollar.

And that kinda was
the point, wasn't it?

- I owe so much money.
- To us now.

- Which you can pay back slowly.
- Can I keep my emergency
credit card?

Oh, Bridgie...

Hand it over.

Oh, honey, I know
this is very hard for you.

It sure is. I guess this experience
has been punishment enough, right?

I mean, God, I'm gonna be in that
store surrounded by great clothes

that look great on me and customers are
gonna come in and look horrible on them,

and they get to buy it, but, you
know, I guess I could just try the stuff on

and stare in the mirror at myself, you
know, and then go home and wear it.

It's just so hard with all the
clothes, so, I don't know...

- Finished.
- Thanks, Beach.

You sliced five more
bucks off your debt.

What? Five bucks? God,
you could eat off that floor.

Speaking of eating,
do the kitchen floor.

All right! You
found one of them!

And it's the mom!