8 Simple Rules (2002–2005): Season 1, Episode 17 - Drummer Boy: Part 1 - full transcript

Hi, Kerry.

- Oh, hi, Jason.
- Hi, Mrs. Hennessy.

Well... Kerry?

So I thought you
and Jason broke it off.

We did, but Mr. Reynolds teamed
us up to work on this history project.

Ah... So I guess "on-again,
off-again" is on again.

Sounds like fate.

Sounds like his name
follows mine alphabetically.

But we'll see.

- What's that?
- Mount Vesuvius.

We're trying to
show how its eruption

helped preserve the Pompeian
culture for future generations to study.

You know what? You could
melt some of my army men

to look like the
slower villagers.

I like it.

You're in luck. I was just
going upstairs to melt some.

You know, if the FBI is
looking through our trash,

he'll be the reason.

That's funny, Mrs. Hennessy.

Well, thanks, Jason.

I like your mom. She's
nice, pretty, smart.

What did you say?

Um... Your mom
was nice and smart.

And pretty. You said
my mom was pretty.

You never said I was
pretty when we were dating.

I thought it was implied.

Because you are, real pretty.

- As pretty as my mom?
- Well, yeah.

Wrong answer!

So what, you're gonna say my
mom is pretty and then leave?


Hey, Care Bear,
seems like old times.

I come into a room,
Jason runs out.

- Yeah.
- Don't you look pretty today?

Stay out of my life.

Yeah, seems like old times.

- Hey, Bridget up yet?
- No.

She was out all night
at a concert again.

I caught her sneaking in again.
Now she's sleeping half the day again.

I tell you, I'm letting
her have it this time.


Yeah, because that's
a proven solution.

- What, you've got
a better idea?
- Well, I don't know.

It just seems all this yelling and
grounding is having no impact.

We need a new plan. We
need to try a gentler approach.

Well, that's interesting,
but I want to yell.

Maybe if I yell louder
and ground longer.

Not the attitude
I was looking for.

How about we try
working together?

You know, partners. See if
we can't win one this time.

It'd be nice to win one.

- Morning. Well, technically.
- Just follow my lead.

Uh, Bridget, we need to
talk to you for a second.

If this is about catching me sneak
in last night, it won't happen again.

Does that mean you won't sneak
in, or you won't let me catch you?

Let's cross that bridge
when we come to it.

Honey, it seems like you are
spending an awful lot of time

hanging out with your
friends and going to clubs.

Can't you find a fraction of your
free time to do something productive?

I mean, really, concerts
every weekend?

- But I love music.
- Well, take up an instrument.

Oh, my God, that is so
amazing you just said that.

I've been dreaming of
playing in an all-girl band.

I've had the same dream, only in mine
you're at Harvard becoming a doctor.

Last night I was with Mandy and
Courtney, who thinks she's Alias,

total sophomore. This
guy with a mullet hit on me.

"What's with the hair?" "Business
in the front, party in the back." Gross!

- Who would have a mullet?
- Yeah, who?

I was on the hockey
team. It kept my neck warm.

I was listening to this incredible
music and it hit me. I want to do that.

Well, then, do it.
Take up an instrument.

- OK.
- That is a good plan,

although I miss the instant
gratification of yelling,

but I'm all for you
taking up music.

You know, I played
French horn in high school.

Yeah, I did know that.

- Honey, you pick
your instrument.
- Right. Whatever you want.

[loud drumming]

[drumming stops]

Drums? You got her drums?

It was the only instrument
that came in a color she liked.

Bridget sneaks in late and you
punish her by buying her stuff?

Who's a guy gotta kill to
get a monkey around here?

All right, Rory, that's it.

That's a dollar in the "No
Talking About a Monkey" jar.

♪ I'm playing drums
in my all-girl band ♪

♪ Check me out I look so hot ♪

♪ You wish you were
me but you'll never be ♪

♪ 'Cause you're not
in an all-girl band ♪


- [giggles]
- You're an idiot.

[loud drumming]

[Cate sighs]

- [drumming stops]
- [Cate sighs]

[drumming resumes]

Isn't this what they do to
drive dictators out of palaces?

It's like those wind-up monkeys
that clap cymbals and bongos.

And that little gem is
gonna cost you a dollar.

[phone ringing]

Hello. Oh, yeah, hey, Fred.

You know, I've
heard drumming too.

Well, your leaf blower
can get pretty loud,

but you don't catch
me calling the cops.

Really? Because they
told me it was confidential.

All right, OK, I'll see
what I can do. Yeah.

- [grumbling]
- [phone rings]

Cate, I cannot talk to another
neighbor. Will you take this, please?

If that's Jason tell him I'm
studying. Use those exact words.

Got it. Hello?

Oh, hey, you.


So what you been
up to, stranger?

Uh, Kerry? Uh, no,
Jason, she's studying.

Oh, all right. I'll
tell her you called.

OK, bye-bye.

OK, I'm gonna go jam.

Oh, Beach, before you do,
I need to talk to you, honey.

Your mother and I are so proud

that you're showing such
enthusiasm about music.

- I like to hit the drums hard.
- Sort of picked up on that.

But have you ever
considered letting someone,

you know, show you how to...

you know, play?

I don't want to take lessons.
That's why I picked drums.

I want to help you get closer to
that all-girl band dream of yours...

- and mine.
- [doorbell rings]

- So I hired you a drum teacher.
- Dad, I don't want a teacher.

I already know what I'm doing.

- I'm Ben, the drum teacher.
- Hi, Ben.

Thank you, Daddy.


Wow, is that Bridget?
I'm really impressed.

No, that's Ben, her teacher.

[bad drumming]

That's Bridget.

You know, I was worried
about that guy at first. Now...

This guy is a professional. Your
plan really worked out great, Cate.

- Our plan. Partner.
- Partner.

You know, you've really grown.

I never thought I'd see
the day when you'd be OK

with your daughter being
alone with a musician.

Why is it we always
go for the musician?

That's right, your high
school boyfriend Rick.

He thought he was so hot

because he jammed one time
with The Monkees at some state fair.

Not now!

Paul, calm down.
That's why I'm with you.

Writers are sexier. Much sexier.

Why, your column on
treasures in the attic...


Get a hold of yourself.

There's nothing going on out there
in the garage, just playing drums.

- [bad drumming]
- There goes Bridget.

- [good drumming]
- That's Ben.

[drumming stops]

That's quiet. Why is it quiet?

Why is it quiet?

Oh, hi, guys.

Cate... Look at that.

Cate, the door doesn't
stick anymore. I fixed it.

- [Cate] What are you
talking about?
- You're welcome. So, uh...

- how's the lesson going?
- Great. Just great.

OK, let's show your
dad what I taught you.


You are a miracle worker.

That was close. Let
me show you again.

Oh, excuse me. [giggles]

And then, pretty soon
you'll be able to do this.

[Paul] Oh, whoa!

That's... That's
very sophisticated.

Well, Ben is a very
sophisticated guy, Dad.

Hey, I won a hat!

- Oh, no, I didn't.
- Sorry, excuse me,
take that with you.

You know what? We really appreciate
the lesson. We have your number.

- Bye, Bridget.
- Bye, Ben. See you next Saturday.

Wait, you scheduled
another lesson with him?

Actually ten.

- Ten?
- It's cheaper that way.

- So how'd it go?
- Oh, my God,
Ben is so great, Mom.

You should see him
play. His hands are a blur.

Been there.

Thank you so much
for setting us up, Daddy.

- I wouldn't actually
call it a setup.
- I just love him!

You... You mean
as a teacher, right?

As a teacher, right?


You still hear the fox
you let into our henhouse?

- You made her take lessons.
- You told her to take up music.

- You bought her drums.
- I wanted to yell at her.

Stop it! It upsets me
when you two fight.

- Can I get a monkey?
- No!

[doorbell rings]

I got it.

Jason. What are you doing here?

Well, I've tried calling, but
it's like you're always studying.


- Oh, God.
- Hello, Mrs. Hennessy.

I just came by to tell Kerry we
got an A on our Mount Vesuvius.

What'd they say about
the melted villagers?

That we have to talk to
the school psychologist.

- Your mom's got a great laugh.
- Get out!

Paul, do you like my laugh?

Daddy, Ben's in a band playing
tonight. He invited me to come along.

- No.
- [Cate laughing]

Oh, I'm sorry, I just
wanted to hear it.

Bridget, you know you cannot
date college boys. Absolutely not!

You don't even know him!
You're so closed-minded! God!

- What, you think
I'm wrong about this?
- No, no, no.

It's just a very
delicate situation.

This is Bridget's first older
man, and it's a musician.

They're intoxicating.

Very, very
intoxicating. Trust me.

I want to see your
high school yearbooks.

I want to see if I'm better-looking
than your precious Rick.

I told you I lost those yearbooks
in that fire I had right after we met.

- You swear?
- Swear.

Look, if we do it your way and
say no, Bridget is gonna rebel.

We have to show her we're at
least open-minded by talking to Ben.

And then?

We tell him not to let the
door hit his ass on his way out.

- Partner.
- Partner.

So, just tell us a little
bit about yourself, Ben.

- What college do you go to?
- Actually, I dropped out
of college.

You hear that, Cate?
He dropped out of college.

My dad died, so I moved
back home to help Mom out.

I'm trying to get enough
money so I can go back there.

That's when Mom's strong enough.

I see. Just to be clear,
you did drop out of college.


- Uh, so, Ben, you're in a band?
- Oh, a band. Tell us about that.

I bet that's all
sorts of crazy fun.

Last week we did a show
for the Children's Hospital.

- Really?
- Yeah. You gotta give back.

- Old people and animals?
- Love 'em.

This is your fault.

I told you he was great.

OK, Ben, this is the thing.

We like you. We just don't want
Bridget going out with older guys.

- It's nothing personal.
- Nothing personal?!

Ben is a very sensitive
artist. This will devastate him.

I understand. I'll
get you a T-shirt.

You know, you guys
are so... I'm a small...

You guys are so... I hate you.

- Is that my high school
- Yeah. Found it in the basement

in the box marked
"Grandma's stuff, keep out."

God, you were popular.
You're practically on every page.

[sighs] A few
clubs, a few friends.

A date or two.

Who's Rick?

You had tons of boyfriends.
This is like Bridget's yearbook.

- Kerry.
- Look what some
of these guys wrote.

- Mom, you were like
a Bond girl.
- OK, all right.

Now look, I don't think we
need to let your father see this.

Oh, really?

Damn. I guess we're
getting a monkey.


Bridget's still practicing?

I admire her dedication,
but is she getting worse?

She's just taking out her anger.

It's getting kind of late, Paul.
We ought to bring her inside.

Better she's angry
out there than in here.

- I'll give her till Fred calls.
- [phone rings]

- I'm up.
- All right. Just don't yell at her.

- Hey!
- Rory?

- Oh. Hey.
- Where's Bridget?

I can't tell you.

Rory, we don't keep
secrets in this family.

OK. Mom's got yearbooks.

Oh, you mean Bridget.

She snuck off to see
Ben's concert. I'm her decoy.

I knew you had yearbooks.

You can stop building that
little monkey bed right now!

Can you believe Dad? He shows
up at the club, walks in like this,

and then he comes in and grabs
me before I can even see Ben.

Dad? Mom. Mom is unbelievable.

She's totally been
flirting with Jason.

Did you know Mom was
popular in high school?

- She dated a musician.
- Oh, really?

Maybe he's my real father.

Yeah, that was my point.

Huh. So he's a couple years
older. What's the big deal?

What if Ben and I are destined to
be together? What if he's the one?

- The one?
- Yeah.

You've never had a one. Last
summer you were down to three.

Kerry, Ben is my first
not-a-high-school guy.

I mean, he's so
experienced and worldly.

He's been to Hawaii. Hawaii!

He can vote. He told me
he didn't, but he can vote.

And he can buy beer in Canada.

You're right. You
should marry him.

You could honeymoon
in Hawaii. Hawaii!

You are so still in high school.

It's just, when Ben looks at me,
it's like I'm the only one in the room.

It's a private lesson in our garage.
You are the only one in the room.

I'm gonna go play bad so
Dad doubles my lessons.

- OK. Hey, if you see Mom...
- I know. You're studying.

And you are staying home.

- Can we talk?
- What's to talk about?

You have nothing
to apologize for.

- I didn't come in here
to apologize.
- How can you not apologize?

Look, Jason said I was pretty.

It was very nice to hear on a
day that I worked and made dinner

and did ten loads of
laundry. So sue me.

Isn't it bad enough that I
have to compete with Bridget?

Now I have to
compete with you too?

[sighs] Wait a minute.
Honey, what's going on here?

He said I was Mom-pretty.

You are a beautiful
teenage girl.

You think this is some
kind of competition?

Yeah! And I'm losing.

You know, guys don't notice
me when Bridget is around.

And Rory gets all this attention
because he's the boy and the youngest.

And now...

[sobbing] It's
like I'm invisible.

Not to me.

I see you.

Right. Kerry, the
moody middle child.



Who also happens to be
sensitive and caring and fantastic.

Oh, Kerry, honey, you make me
feel so privileged to be your mother.

You have to say that. It's
in the manual or something.

You think if it was in the
manual I'd go through all this?

Ah, there you are.

See? You're not invisible.

Kerry, if you weren't my daughter,
I'd want you to be my friend.

Yeah, right, you're not cool
enough to hang out with me.

I know. That's why I spend
so much time with your father.

- [drumming]
- Yeah, I know.

Trust me, Fred, it sounds
a lot louder over here.

So what do you think?

- I'm sorry
this is our last lesson.
- What?

Yeah. The coolest
thing happened.

I'm going back to Ohio State.

My dad's old company came
through with a scholarship.

- I can enroll this semester.
- But... what about us?

I mean, our lessons.

I'll keep in touch. I want
to know how you're doing.



OK. Um... Bye, Bridget.

So how was the lesson?

Who cares? My teacher
quit, so I'm quitting too.

Bridget, don't
quit just because...

I never want to see another
musician again in my entire life.

Alrighty then.

I know I'm gonna hate
myself for this, but...

Beach, as much as I like
peace and quiet around here,

I don't want you to
give up something

that you were so excited
about a couple of weeks ago.

- Just think about that,
will you?
- OK.

- What's going on?
- Ben's going back to college.

Oh, I'm sorry. Are you OK?

No, I wasn't OK, but then
Dad gave me a little pep talk

and told me I shouldn't
give up on stuff.

For once I think he's
right. I'm not gonna give up.

Ben and I belong together.

Ben, this is for you.