8 Simple Rules (2002–2005): Season 1, Episode 14 - Career Choices - full transcript

Hey, Ker, I need
a fav. Oh, my God.

A cartoon of Principal Connelly?

"The Incredible Boring
Woman." [laughing]

Why not read personal
stuff over my shoulder?

OK. "Able to suck the life
out of any room." Dying.

It's private property.


Distract Dad while I get him
to sign this permission slip?

- It's super important.
- OK.

Hey Dad, do you notice
anything different about me?

Oh, please don't do this to me.

- So you notice
nothing different?
- No, wait, give me a chance.

Your hair, it's, no, no...

You've lost... You've
gained, you... No.

You've grown, uh... The...

- Please don't do this to me.
- Here, Daddy. Sign this.

- What is it?
- Nothing.

- I'm gonna be late.
- You were talking to me.

I don't sign things
without looking at them.

It wouldn't hurt to have
activities like your sister.

You wanna talk about
Bridget's activities?

- Hey!
- That's not nice.

Take Bridget's side.

I wasn't taking Bridget's
side. Let me see the paper.

- Girls, please!
- Excuse me. Important.

- I'm not important?
- No.

- Catfight!
- Shut up!

- Freak show!
- I'm getting vertigo. Can I see it?

- Do you want me to be late?
- No, but let me...

Half a mind is a
terrible thing to waste.

- Kerry, that's enough...
- Thank you.

- Sorry, Daddy.
- But...

Did I just sign
something? I did, didn't I?

- Oh, Dad.
- [door closes]

I don't understand. How could
Bridget have dropped Chemistry?

You gotta see these cartoons
Kerry drew, they're hilarious.

- I'm on the phone
with the school.
- If anybody's sick, I'm sorry,

but I can't pick 'em
up, I got a meeting.

Well believe me, we'll
clear this up. Thank you.

Paul, did you know Bridget
dropped all her college prep classes

- for vocational arts?
- What?!

Does she think she
can get away with that?

Probably, since you
signed the permission slip.

No way. It's
obviously a forgery.

No, they have your
signature on file,

ever since the girls' grandma
died three times in one semester.

Oh, you're gonna laugh
when you hear what happened.

Kerry ask if me if I noticed
anything different about her.

Then Bridget burst in and she...

Distract and deploy? It's
the oldest trick in the book.

I know what's going on. Party
Girl wants to take the easy way out.

- You know who's to blame?
- You, hint, hint.

The school. Vocational Arts
shouldn't even be an option to her.

Well, you signed the slip.

Yeah, well... you paid our mortgage
late last month, cost us a penalty.

Yeah, that's pertinent, honey.

The school's letting our
girls slip through the cracks.

See Kerry's sketchbook?
She could make a living at this.

- This talent
would've gone unnoticed.
- Had you not been snooping?

Thank God I did,
Cate. Thank God I did.

You can tell the principal
all about her failures.

Try and stop me.

This afternoon. We have an
appointment in her office after school.

Good. I'd be able to make it
if I didn't have this meeting.

You made that up.

In that case, I might be able to
make it. But just remember one thing.

- It's not your fault?
- Damn straight!

Bye, honey.

- Stop staring at that girl.
- Yeah, yeah, OK.

Told you we should've
dropped him off first.

I said stop staring.

I'm not staring. I'm trying
to control her with my mind.

Oh, OK.

How dare you come to my school?

How embarrassing to be called out of
class by Rich Brittany with her haircut

that only looks good on
the girl from The Matrix.

It must be horrible for
you. Come sit down.

You went back on your word. You
signed my permission slip. No backsies.

Yeah, well, you tricked
me. So no tricksies.

Mr. and Mrs. Hennessy,
Bridget, hi. Come on in.

No gum chewing.


OK, so I signed a permission
slip without first looking at it.

I mean, what father hasn't?


Oh. OK, but you know, I
think everybody once in a while,

misses what's right
under their nose,

like you and our
other daughter, Kerry.

You have a very talented artist
in this school. I should know.

I'm an artist myself,
well, I'm a writer.

But, you know, I
paint with words.

This was my conference. Who
did Rich Brittany drag in here?

Yes, Mr. Hennessy, one
problem child at a time.

Problem... one
problem at a time.

Just take a look at this
wonderful work here.

Show her the cartoons in
the back? Show her. Show her.

That's a good idea.
Take a look at this one.

This is called "The
Incredible Boring Wo..."

You know, I think in this
light, she's not that good, so...

Well, you know, parents really have
a hard time being objective. Guilty.

Oh, we are, we are so, so sorry.

No, we are. Sorry we missed it.

She's very talented.

I mean, look at those old
lady shoes, that manly blazer.


I'm taking this to the school newspaper.
They could use someone like Kerry.

Why talk about Kerry? Who
did Rich Brittany drag in here?

Let's concentrate on Bridget.

We gotta clean this mess about
her dropping college prep courses.

Why don't we hear from Bridget.

I don't need college. I know
what I wanna do. Be an esthetician.

- A facialist?
- A beautician?

- A zit popper?
- Rory!

Back off!

That's our boy. He'll be
here in a couple of years.

Can't wait.

An esthetician. I can
take classes here.

After high school, I can get my
license at the institute in six months.

Esthetics is a hot new career.
I could start at 30,000 a year.

Whoa! Let me look
at that catalogue.

Wow. You've given
this a lot of thought.

She should be aiming
at a four-year college.

- What do you think,
Mrs. Connelly?
- Nice campus.

Mr. Hennessy, we encourage many
of our students to go into the trades.

Look at your MBAs. I
mean dot-com, dot bomb.

Oh, yeah.

Mrs. Connelly? Do
you have any advice?

Well, how about we
make a compromise?

Continue college prep courses and
your electives can be in vocational arts.

- OK.
- OK. And keep working hard.

Well, start working hard.

Well, listen, thank you very much,
Mrs. Connelly. I'm sorry for all this.

It's just that, you know,
I'm a concerned parent,

father bear, as it were.

You know what, I just want
the best for my little cubs

so that one day they can
spread their wings and fly.

Yes, I too, would like to see a
bear cub spread its wings and fly.

Bridget, how can I put this as
gently as possible? Oh, yeah.

There is no way in hell one of my
daughters is gonna go to beauty school.

- Mom!
- Paul!

I'm sorry. But, as a parent,

I don't care if I can't be
popular with my kids all the time.

- Has anybody
seen my sketchbook?
- Not me, sweetheart, no.

You can't tell me what
to do. You're not the boss.

Technically I am. I give you money
once a week and I pay for your healthcare.

How do I quit?

How could you treat
Bridget like that?

She doesn't wanna go
to college, Mom. But I do.

Now see, there is some
of that Hennessy ambition.

In fact, I'd like to skip
right to high school now.

Oh, for Pete's sake.

Rory, that girl will still be in
detention five years from now.

She'd better be.

OK, tell the truth, Cate,

are you happy that Bridget
wants to go to beauty school

with Rory's future wife?

I would prefer she
went to college.

Then why are we
having this discussion?

Because we're married.
Those are our children.

You're gonna have to
do better than that, Cate.

Look, first of all, Bridget
is showing enthusiasm

for something other
than boys and new tops.

And secondly,
she's taken initiative.

These are qualities I wanna
encourage in all my children.

I can't find my sketchbook.
Maybe Bridget knows where it is.

Honey, have you looked
in the garage, it could...

in the...

OK, where were we?

I believe you were
about to apologize.

No, we were at number three.

Bridget is 16 years old.

That means she'll change
her mind about a hundred times.

Which brings us to four.

We've never been to four.
You're not allowed to go to four.

You're a snob!

I'm a snob?!

Yeah, well... you hold a coffee
cup with your pinky sticking out.

You're not doing it right.

Don't give me the finger, Cate.
Let me tell you something, all right.

I know you don't think so, but I
know a thing or two about childrearing.

I've done a pretty
good job with these girls.

[Kerry screams] He did
what?! I'm gonna kill him!

[chattering indistinctly]

No! God, you're strong. No!

Why not? You're mad at him, too!

Mom is on my side making Dad feel like
an idiot. You'll just muddy the waters.

Your waters. I have
my own issue here.

We have the same issue.
Dad is taking over our lives.

Get it? If I win, we win.

Oh, I see.


Let go of me!

What'd you do that for?

I don't know. They
do it in the movies.

When the character's hysterical.
I wasn't hysterical, I was mad.

- I'm sorry. I love you so much.
- God!

It is not snobbery. I just want to
nip this kind of thinking in the bud.

Come on. You're sounding
like a snob. Just like your father.

We're gonna bring our in-laws into
this? Let's not open that can of worms.

Somebody wearing a muumuu
holding a double daiquiri might pop out.

I thought about not speaking
to you for the rest of my life,

appropriate, but then I figured
you wouldn't know exactly how I felt,

so I wrote down all
my feelings for you.

"I hate you."

Well, that's clear and concise.

You managed to convey a wealth
of emotions into just three words.

My first draft was
only two words.

Yes, Care Bear?

I hate you, too!

Come on, you don't understand.

I showed Mrs. Connelly your work because
I thought it was great and beautiful

and I'm so proud of you. And I
know one day you'll thank me.

You are in very big
trouble, young lady.

Thank you.

I took your cartoons to
the student newspaper.

Imagine my surprise
when one of my colleagues,

actually a number of my colleagues,
pointed out to me that I am...

"The Incredible Boring Woman."

The principal.

I need to take...
immediate action

since it already went to press.

I've decided that Kerry
should utilize her skills

by painting banners for the pep
squad for the rest of the semester.

Yes, Mrs. Connelly.

You may not respect the person,
but you will respect the blazer.

[both] Yes, Mrs. Connelly.

Rory, let's go.

Wait a minute.
We didn't bring you!

Rory Joseph Hennessy. Come
on! I can't believe... Go. Go.

- Hi, honey.
- Hi.

What are you watching?

Take a look.

[woman] And now we shall hear from one
of our graduates, Bridget Erin Hennessy.

[audience applauds]

I'm Bridget Hennessy,

and I wanna be the first President
of the United States who's a girl.

Oh. Aw... Her
Kindergarten graduation.

How did she go from leader
of the free world to facialist?

She changed her mind.

You remember how many
majors you had in college, Paul?

Pre-med, pre-law...

I was searching. I'm a
seeker, a seeker of wisdom.

Oh, bull. You were trying
to please your parents.

Yeah. That's a Hennessy tradition,
college and pleasing your parents.

Let me tell you about
one of my family traditions.

When I was little, I
used to ask my mom

why she always cut off the
end of the Sunday pot roast.

She said, "Because that's
how my mother used to do it."

So then I asked my grandma why
she cut off the end of the Sunday roast.

She said that's how
her mother used to do it.

So finally I went to visit my
great-grandmother and I just had to ask:

"Why do you cut off
the end of the roast?"

And she said, "Because
the pan was too small."

See where I'm
going with this, Paul?

Are we having pot
roast for dinner?

My point is the previous
generation isn't always so wise.

It's just, Bridget used to be filled
with dreams and expectations.

Whose dreams?
Whose expectations?

Look. Remember this?

And that's 'cause my daddy
says I can be whatever I want to be.

That's exactly my point.

No. You said she could
be anything she wants to be.

Are you proud, Dad?

Your little girl is painting signs
with bird mascots for the pep squad.

I got you into trouble,
Kerry, I'm sorry.

But I'm not going to apologize
for being your biggest fan.

I think you're
incredibly talented.

And maybe, just maybe,
you were born to be an artist.

Why can't you get
this through your skull?

My art is personal. It's for me.

- Fine.
- Fine.

Although, it was kinda
cool being published.


Yeah, yeah, I have to admit,
it made me feel kinda special.

Well, that's great, Kerry, because
you know what, you are kinda special.

Dad, that means so much...

Not now, honey, I
gotta talk to your sister.

- [knocking]
- Beach? Honey?

Bridget, are you putting
makeup on the boy?

I was gonna exfoliate him.

What? You said we
were gonna eat lobster.

Now I'm never gonna
finish my homework!

What, this is homework?

Yeah. Pretty stupid, huh?

- Can I help?
- What are you doing?

- You don't wanna flunk, do you?
- No.

OK, come on. Make me
look like Robert Redford.

You mean old? Done.


- Oh, whoa, that's hot! Hot!
- I'm opening your pores.

Uh, they like to be closed.
Oh, my corneas are liquefying.

Oh wait, this is important.

- Close your eyes.
- [groans]

- Mm-hmm.
- OK, OK, OK.

Relax, you're such a baby.

- Bridget, listen, I'm sorry.
- Wait! Don't move. Don't move.

I just wanna apologize. I didn't
mean to make you feel bad.

Then why did you?

I don't know, I guess...

knee-jerk reaction.

Listen, I wanna
tell you a story.

When your mother
was a little girl,

she went to her mom and said,

"Why do you use a little
pan to cook the roast?"

And her mother said,

"Because that's what my
mother used to cook the roast in?"

So to make a long story short, your
mom went to her great-grandmother

and said "What's the
deal with the little pan?"

And do you know what
her great-grandmother said?


Neither do I.

But grandma sure
makes a good pot roast.

Oh, yeah.

And then my grandfather pushed
my dad to go to college on the GI Bill

so that he could make
something of himself.

- Is there a pan in this story?
- Let me finish.

Then my father pushed
me to go to college

because he wanted
me to be a doctor.

I hated that. And then today I
realized I've been pushing you.

I've become my father.

But you didn't become a doctor.

No, but I was
annoyed by my father.

Yeah, I became a writer. There
were a lot of fights in between.

I don't want you and
me to fight, Bridge.

So I can be an esthetician?

I will support whatever
you decide to become,

as long as you promise
to keep an open mind

and never root for Ohio State.


- Oh!
- [laughs]

It was horrible, I surrendered. I told
Bridget to do whatever makes her happy.

Wow. You look great.

Where did it all go wrong, Cate?

I've lost the ability to have
any impact on my kids.

No, I mean it really, really
great. What'd you do?

Exfoliation. Mask. Moisturizer.
Your basic full spa package.

Seriously, like Robert
Redford when he was young.

Yeah? You wanna play
Butch Cassidy and the...

- Hey, Dad.
- Could you knock?!

Like I'm gonna
walk in on anything.

So, I looked at
this college guide.

- You did?
- Yes, I said
I'd be open-minded.

I should totally go to college!

Yes! I mean, if that's what
you want, I'm totally OK with it.

- If you buy me a car.
- Uh, sure.

No! No car!

Why'd you change your mind?

I read about the University of
San Diego. It's by the ocean.

It has a surf club, and the
basketball team has hot guys.

I really wanna go there. You should
get me a convertible. Go Toreros!

Well, Paul, you should be happy.

- Paul?
- No way is she going
to California.

- That's over
two thousand miles away!
- What?

Stay home two years for your
general education requirements.

Who's the snob now? What's
wrong with Michigan schools?

Did you learn nothing
about the pan story?

[continue chattering

What's going on?

The art director from the paper is
coming over. She wants to see my work.

- It's all over the house. Be
nice and send her upstairs, OK?
- OK.

- [doorbell ringing]
- Rory, get the door.

- Aw, man.
- Get the door.

Take her upstairs, Rory.


You heard me. Take her upstairs.

It worked.