8 Simple Rules (2002–2005): Season 1, Episode 10 - Give It Up - full transcript

Paul announces to the family that he wants to go to the cabin on the lake for their annual family vacation. No one else is happy about the location or spending two weeks together. Paul challenges everyone in the family to give up a bad habit for a week and the winner gets to choose the vacation spot. Paul can't use the TV remote control, Cate gives up drinking coffee, Bridget can't talk on the phone, Kerry has to curb her sarcasm, and Rory must stop telling tales on his sisters. They all try to trick each other into doing their bad habits, but it's not working. Bridget and Cate form an alliance and continue drinking coffee and talking on the phone in the laundry room. Rory finds out but cannot tell on them because then he will lose.

Listen up, everybody.
OK, just Cate.

I have an announcement.

Wait, wait, Paul, not until I've
had my first cup of coffee of the day.

I've seen you pour
five cups already.

One cup, I just, you know,
warmed it up a few times.

A few? Try five.

Honey, honey. Tsk tsk.

- Mom. Dad.
- Bridget's hogging
the bathroom.

- I was gonna say that!
- And Kerry was gonna
tattle on her.

Do you realize you just
tattled on someone for tattling?


Long as you're here, I've got
an exciting announcement. Cate?

Wait, I just need a warm-up.

OK, your oldest daughter has
been in the bathroom for an hour.

- An hour? What is she doing in there?
- We can rule out reading.

- Hello.
- One more smart remark,

- there will be a consequence.
- My life is a consequence.

Honey, that would have a lot more
impact if you didn't say it every day.

- No, Darin. Bridget's busy.
- Darin?

She can't come to the phone now.

- Why, you ask?
- Rory!

- Because she's in...
- No!

The bathroom.

- You told him
I was in the bathroom?
- No, I didn't. Oh, wait, I did.

No one can know I use the
bathroom. My life is ruined.

- I have to do damage control.
- No calls, put the phone down.

I've got an important
announcement for the family.

Dad, if I don't get on the phone, people
will think I actually use the bathroom.

Bridget's using the phone
after you told her not to.

It's like a disease
with you, isn't it?

Mom! Dad said I have a disease.

Oh, come on, please.

Would somebody like to
listen to my announcement?

Switched at birth. Please
say I was switched at birth.

Kerry! Cate, would you
help me out over here?

What's the big news?

OK, I just reserved,
for our family vacation

our favorite cabin at the lake!

For two weeks!

Non-refundable deposit!

The cabin we all love!

Paul, put your arms down.

Why are we going to the cabin at
the lake? It's so stupid. I hate the lake.

Well, I can see everyone is as
excited about the cabin as I am.

Look, in the spirit
of open-mindedness,

let's all take a seat and
listen to everyone else's ideas.


Cabin by the lake, Paul.
We haven't forgotten.

Write it down.

What about space camp?
They have zero gravity chambers

and you get to sleep in
real astronaut bunk beds.

Could he be any geekier?

You know, I have a place that's
fun, educational, and very patriotic.

- Space camp?
- Astro-not.

Where I wanted to go
was Mall of America.

It has over 550 stores, an
amusement park and 50 restaurants.

It's a no-brainer.

You just walk right into
these, don't you, Bridget?

Kerry, you're really getting
to me with your sarcasm.

You know, I think this family should go
visit Grandma and Grandpa in Sarasota.

We could hang out in the sun,
it'll be relaxing, we'll go swimming

and I don't have to cook.

Cate, your parents
don't like me.

You know, I know that,
honey, and I weighed that...

but I still have to go
with "don't have to cook."

OK, Kerry, your turn. Where do
you wanna go on the vacation?

Oh, whatever.

I've always wanted to go there.
You talk about it all the time.

OK, a family vacation should be
a vacation away from your family.

Not move your family to a
smaller place with fewer bathrooms.

What's going on? Sounds like you
don't wanna go anywhere with your family.

So now who's being sarcastic?

Why are we having this discussion?
You know we're gonna end up at the cabin.

Well, it is on
your mother's list.

Oh, come on, you know what, I am really
tired of all of you dumping on my ideas.

You wanna decide,
fine, we'll have a contest.

Bridget, you have to give
up talking on the phone.

You have to give up tattling.

And you, Princess of Darkness,

you have to give up
being cynical and sarcastic

and the last person standing
gets to pick the vacation.

Or picks no vacation at all?

- OK, if you win.
- I'm so in.

Paul, what about you? Fair's fair,
you have to give up something, too.

Fine, I don't mind giving up something
if you can find a flaw in my character,

some little, tiny bad habit.

- The way you come
into our room.
- The way you dress.

Kids, kids, kids,
kids! One at a time.

How about giving up
the remote to the TV?

Oh, you're kidding, right?
At least make it challenging.

Oh yeah, you
wouldn't last a day.

OK, fine. What about you, happy?

What can you give up?

Me? Well, I'm practically
perfect in every way.

But I'm sure we'll
find something.

What about your
coffee addiction?

Addiction? No, I'm just
a social coffee drinker.

I can stop anytime.

- OK, well now would be good.
- Well how 'bout
just one more sip.

No, I think that's good.

I think it's better. No, it's
better this way, cold turkey.

Well, how we holding up
without our morning coffee?

- Fine. Just fine.
- We're out of orange juice.

So go buy some!

It's OK, I'll have some cran-apple
juice. Would you make me some, hon?

You have no respect for me or the work
I do around here or the clothes you wear.

- Paul, that shirt is hideous!
- Thanks. You think it'll bug

You know, I... I really don't
care. I have a splitting headache.

Honey, sweetie, you know what,
you're just going through withdrawal.

Know what you need?
Know what would help...

is a nice, steaming
hot cup of coffee.

Daddy, look, there's
a fight on ESPN.

Oh, Bridget, thank you so much.

And, now there's not.

You know, behind those beautiful
green eyes, there's pure evil.

I'm gonna get one blue
contact. It'll look so awesome.

Far out.

Hello. Oh, hi Darin.

No, sorry, Bridget can't
come to the phone now.

Want me to say you're
not in the bathroom?

Daddy, that is so mean.

No, Bridget, no, it's a
telemarketer. I'll call you back.

Paul, did you see your daughter?

I know. I'm winning. I mean...

Hey, Care Bear, do you like
my shirt? Pretty foxy, huh?

Mom, I'm gonna write something down
and I'd like you to read it to Dad, OK?

If it's sarcastic,
you're still out.

Never mind.

Ow. Ow.

Rory! Oh, my, it is freezing out there.
Who locked you out in your underwear?

It was...

- nobody.
- Oh, honey.

No. No, no, no, no. Listen.

And the tragic thing was, I
was just shaving my legs.

They do not get hairy. I
was just shaving them.

- What are you doing?
- Just putting my clothes
in the dryer.

Oh, excellent. You know, then,
the next step would be to turn it on.

I must have left
it in my pocket.

Hello. Hi, Kyle.

Yeah, she'll call you back.

Gee, I thought you
had more will power.

What's that smell?

Fabric softener?

Oh really? What's it called?

Moca Java Dryer Sheets?

- Ha! You're cheating!
- Oh, so what.

You are so busted.

Yeah, well so are
you. And what a drag.

You know, Mall of America was starting
to sound better than my parents' condo.

Mom, are you thinking
what I'm thinking?

That we form an alliance?

Or, that we team up
and not bust each other.

Yeah, I like your way better.

Good. I don't want to know what
happens to hair in zero gravity.

So how do we knock Dad,
Kerry, and Rory out of the game?

Oh, I don't really care.

I mean, everybody has to go.

I don't!

Oh, come on, it's no big deal.

Hey, sometimes I even
write my name in the snow.

- Kyle!
- And yours.


- Hey, no touching.
- Yes, good. No problem.

- Where's your mother?
- At home.

- Her mother.
- You mean my grandma?

No, Bridget's mother.

How should I know?

- She's doing laundry.
- Again? That's the third time today.

Bridget, guess what?

Somebody hung a "Reserved for Bridget
Hennessy" sign on the girls' bathroom.

Who would do a mean thing
like that; such a sarcastic thing?

I don't know. But, you know, maybe
you should call Heather, and find out.

- Where are you going with that?
- Laundry room.

I mean the cream.

- It takes out red wine stains.
- It what?

- Hey, Dad, Dad look, sports.
- Oh God, Bridget.

- I'll help, Mom.
- Oh, this is so cool.

- Oh, look, Dad, not sports.
- Oh...

- Well, I better be going.
- I love it when you say that.

Oh, wait, wait, Kyle, there's a
Pistons game on the other channel.

- Cool.
- You wanna watch with me?

- Why?
- I don't know,

maybe we could get to
know each other better.

Like bonding.

Well, I guess you could say...
Just turn the channel, please.

Attaboy. Come on.

Dad, can you show me how
the washing machine works?

- Rory, I'm watching
the game with Kyle.
- We're bonding.

- Quiet Kyle.
- But Dad.

Not now.

You know, Mr. Hennessy,

my Dad never takes the
time to watch a game with me.

- He doesn't? That's so sad.
- So, actually,
it means a lot...

It's not a commercial.
Do you see a commercial?

- Now I do.
- No wait, Kyle.

- Later, Papa H.
- No, no, don't go, Kyle. Wait, wait!

We were bonding,
something about your dad.


Um, do you think you'd mind, uh,

perhaps just for once,

changing the channel
for me? Please?

- Sure.
- Oh, thanks honey.

Oh. Look, Dad, it's television
for women. You wanna watch?

Dad, do you know how you always
say you should face your fears?

- No.
- Well, one should.

I'm scared of the laundry
room. Help me face it.

You know, you're
a pretty weird kid.

Sometimes I hear horrible
noises coming from there.

Slurping, beeping,
ghost like whispers.

Oh, what a big man you are,

to admit to your fears even
though it could cause ridicule.

Your sister and mother are down
there. Go ask them to check it out.

- Hey!
- Oh, sorry, Dad.

You better put that in
the wash right away.

- Are you outta of your mind?
- I can't say.

Rory, don't keep things
bottled up, son. It's unhealthy.

It creates inner
conflict that can lead...

Go to the laundry room while Bridget's
on the phone and Mom's drinking coffee!

Doesn't it feel better to
get that off your chest?

- I blew it, didn't I?
- Oh yeah. You're out.

Tiffany's water bra leaked during
volleyball practice? I am so...

He's got you.

Daddy, you scared me. Mom, give
me my coffee I gave you to hold for me,

while I dialed
the phone for you.

Oh, who cares? I'm just
gonna make another pot.

You're both out.
Hit the showers.

- Looks like it's just you
and me, kid.
- And soon, it'll be just me.

What do you say I take you
out for a bite, just you and me?

You're planning
something, aren't you?

Can't a Dad treat his daughter
to a nice, quiet, relaxing dinner?

Welcome to Maybe Baby's. I'll be
serving you this evening. I'm Sandy.

Oh, for the love of...

Gosh, I love your costume.

Thanks. You know, if you wait 40
minutes, I change into Bad Sandy.

- I sing Leader of the Pack.
- We've gotta stay for that.

Um... good Sandy,

what do you recommend for
someone who's not very hungry?

- We have
a Love Me Slender salad.
- Ooh!

I'll just stick with water.

Let's see, for me, what looks yum,
yum, yummy, yum, yum, yum, yum, yum.

I'll have the grilled cheese
sandwich with Chubby Cheddar.

- Okey-dokey.
- Thank you very much.

Dad, you've clearly underestimated
my tolerance of bad, fake, '50s diners.

- Fine,
let's just enjoy dinner.
- OK.

- How's school?
- Fine.

It's a great time of life for
you, you know, right now.

The jocks, the pep squad...

- Dad, I know what you're doing.
- What? High school's fun.

The marching bands, the
mascots, prom decorating committee.

Yes, Dad. All the happy people
are having a wonderful time.

- You're not one
of the happy people?
- That's not what I meant.

- What did you mean?
- Whoa! Way too personal.

Let's just stick to
the contest, OK?

Yeah, and just to let you know,
I'm back, I'm bad and I'm nationwide.

I gotta go.

- No, Dad!
- Kerry!

I'm not talking unless
it's about the contest, OK.

- Some things
are more important.
- Hey, Dad, look!

- Doesn't this make you crazy?
- Not now.

Kerry, the reason I did
this contest was because

I wanted Rory to give up tattling
'cause it's a pain in the neck.

Bridget to give up the phone
because she's always on it.

I wanted your mother to give up coffee
because, well, that one was just mean.

And I wanted you to give up
being sarcastic because, you know,

once in a blue moon, I'd
like to see the genuine you.

You know, you
made up this contest

because it was another way for you
to make us do what you want us to do.

I mean, like going
to the lake every year,

or... or making me talk about
things that I don't want to talk about.

God, Dad, I mean, that's why you
love the remote control so much,

you know, you love
to control everything.

As long as we're being genuine, do
you want to know why you're sarcastic?

- Well, I'm sure
you're gonna tell me.
- Paul.

It's a wall you hide behind,
because otherwise, God forbid,

people would see the real you.

The you you're afraid
people won't like.

- Paul.
- Dad.

Who's winning?

- I'm out. The contest is over.
- Kerry, you win.

Big deal. Who cares?
You know what...


What did she just say?

I... I think she said she
wants to go to Mall of America.


Oh, go away.

I'm sorry.

Sorry, monkey.


Oh, forget it. You were right.

No, you know, I...

I didn't mean to lose it
and upset you downstairs.

You may not believe this, but I was a
pretty easygoing guy once upon a time.

- What happened?
- Kids brought out
the worst in me.

There's Muttsy. Hey, doggie.

Do you remember what happened at
the department store when you were five?

- Oh, Dad, not again.
- It's a pivotal moment.

We were getting out of the elevator,
I turned away for two seconds,

you hopped back in, the
doors closed, you were gone.

- I can still hear
you screaming, "No!"
- That was you.

When I finally found you, you ran
into my arms and burst into tears.

- Nuh-uh.
- OK, I did.

- You bought me Muttsy.
- I would have bought you
the store.

- I asked for a bike.
- You weren't gone
that long, sweetie.

It's OK. I love Muttsy.

- Know what Muttsy's
first words were?
- No.

It was on the ride home,
and Muttsy said to me,

"Can we go to the
cabin on the lake?"

- 'Cause there were
no elevators.
- No elevators.

Thank God I bought you that dog.

It's the only way I could find out
what's really going on with you.

Yeah, a talking bike
would've been really stupid.

As long as we're still talking,

when do you think
Muttsy developed...

well, developed that attitude?

Muttsy does not
have an attitude, OK.

Kerry you have to admit, you've
got one sarcastic dog there.

Bear, you know, you
don't let anyone in.

Maybe some people just don't want
everybody knowing their business. OK?

We're family. We get into each
other's business, that's what families do.

So you're not that tough,

so you cry sometimes,
is that so weird?

No. Weird is not wanting anyone
to know you use the bathroom.

Great, we're on
the same page here.

So you'll try harder to
be less sarcastic? Maybe?

At least with your family?

Work out a system,
odd-even days?

- Maybe.
- OK.

Come on, let's go downstairs.

Come here.

This contest was stupid, and
I think my Dad was cheating

so now my dream trip to Mall
of America is totally ruined.

Oh, yeah and Kerry cried.

Mom, Bridget told her
friends that Kerry cried.

That's shocking.

Mmm. Hello, friend.

Well, we have a winner.
And we have some losers.

OK. Good, Kerry wins,
now we can stay home.

Or maybe not. I have an
announcement to make.

This year we're going
to the cabin at the lake.

The cabin at the lake!

Paul, put your arms down.