8 Out of 10 Cats (2005–…): Season 21, Episode 5 - Episode #21.5 - full transcript
This programme contains
strong language and adult humour
This programme contains
strong language and adult humour
This programme contains
strong language and adult humour
This programme contains
strong language and adult humour
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
Tonight on 8 out of 10 Cats,
Tonight on 8 out of 10 Cats,
give her a good reception.
It's Paisley Billings.
give her a good reception.
It's Paisley Billings.
He's a stand-up guy -
it's Lloyd Griffith.
He's a stand-up guy -
it's Lloyd Griffith.
And Rob Beckett, their team captain.
And Rob Beckett, their team captain.
And facing them tonight,
from Celebs Go Dating,
it's Tom Read Wilson.
from Celebs Go Dating,
it's Tom Read Wilson.
She's got funny Barnes.
It's Angela Barnes.
She's got funny Barnes.
It's Angela Barnes.
She's got funny Barnes.
It's Angela Barnes.
And Katherine Ryan,
their guest team captain.
And Katherine Ryan,
their guest team captain.
Now, welcome your host,
Now, welcome your host,
Jimmy Carr!
Jimmy Carr!
Jimmy Carr!
CHEERING
Hello and welcome
to 8 out 10 Cats,
a show about opinion polls,
surveys and statistics.
a show about opinion polls,
surveys and statistics.
Did you know, for example,
one in three Brits have got BO?
Did you know, for example,
one in three Brits have got BO?
So have a look at
the person on your left,
and have a look at
the person on your right,
and if there's no-one there
because you stink, it's you.
and if there's no-one there
because you stink, it's you.
Only 5% of people wash their hands
correctly after using the toilet.
Only 5% of people wash their hands
correctly after using the toilet.
I do, although I find it
quite hard to work up a good lather
I do, although I find it
quite hard to work up a good lather
with those urinal cakes.
And one in three Brits don't know
why we celebrate Easter.
And one in three Brits don't know
why we celebrate Easter.
Well, it's to celebrate Jesus
hatching from a chocolate egg
laid by the Easter Bunny.
hatching from a chocolate egg
laid by the Easter Bunny.
And also, double
bank holiday bonanza. Thanks, Jesus!
And also, double
bank holiday bonanza. Thanks, Jesus!
Right, let's get started.
APPLAUSE
APPLAUSE
What Are You Talking About?
That's the name of our first round.
What Are You Talking About?
That's the name of our first round.
It's our panellists' job to guess
the British public's top three
It's our panellists' job to guess
the British public's top three
most popular talking points.
Rob's team, what do you think
most popular talking points.
Rob's team, what do you think
the nation have been
talking about this week?
the nation have been
talking about this week?
Is it the return of Game of Thrones?
First episode was this week.
Is it the return of Game of Thrones?
First episode was this week.
Oh, this was huge. Did you watch it?
Yeah, I'm a big fan of it.
I'll be honest with you,
I've got no idea what's happening.
I'll be honest with you,
I've got no idea what's happening.
I didn't know what was going on.
Have you watched
the previous ones, though? No. OK.
Have you watched
the previous ones, though? No. OK.
I found that saying, "I've never
seen Game of Thrones" this week
I found that saying, "I've never
seen Game of Thrones" this week
on Twitter became the new
announcing that you're a vegan
on Twitter became the new
announcing that you're a vegan
and everyone just,
"I've never seen any of it"
and everyone just,
"I've never seen any of it"
and that was me as well,
so I watched it,
and that was me as well,
so I watched it,
and I've learned that it's a story
of seven kingdoms and they all have
and I've learned that it's a story
of seven kingdoms and they all have
rulers and this Jon character, he
fancied the blonde one and he wanted
rulers and this Jon character, he
fancied the blonde one and he wanted
rulers and this Jon character, he
fancied the blonde one and he wanted
to be with her so
they could have a stronger kingdom.
to be with her so
they could have a stronger kingdom.
She made him bow to her,
it was a real Beyonce move,
She made him bow to her,
it was a real Beyonce move,
and then he was turned on by that.
They're now dating and
he has the power of her dragons
They're now dating and
he has the power of her dragons
and they're together trying to
rule the seven kingdoms
and they're together trying to
rule the seven kingdoms
and there's violence
and there's incest and nudity
and there's violence
and there's incest and nudity
and that's Game of Thrones
and it's great.
and that's Game of Thrones
and it's great.
APPLAUSE
Paisley, not a fan?
I just don't get it.
I tried to watch the first episode
of Game of Thrones a few times
I tried to watch the first episode
of Game of Thrones a few times
and I just didn't really
get what was going on.
and I just didn't really
get what was going on.
I just don't think it's for me.
I've never watched it.
I've never watched it at all.
I've never watched it.
I've never watched it at all.
Like, it's all dragons,
backstabbing and tits.
Like, it's all dragons,
backstabbing and tits.
I don't need to watch that -
I went to a girls' school.
I don't need to watch that -
I went to a girls' school.
OK, take a look at this dramatic
moment from last week's show,
OK, take a look at this dramatic
moment from last week's show,
when Jon Snow discovers
who he really is.
This is like
the Jeremy Kyle reveal.
This is like
the Jeremy Kyle reveal.
Your mother was Lyanna Stark.
Your mother was Lyanna Stark.
And your father...
And your father...
your real father...
your real father...
was Rhaegar Targaryen.
You've never been a bastard.
You are Aegon Targaryen,
true heir to the Iron Throne.
You are Aegon Targaryen,
true heir to the Iron Throne.
You're the true king.
Aegon Targaryen, sixth of his name,
protector of the realm, all of it.
Aegon Targaryen, sixth of his name,
protector of the realm, all of it.
I think that's my favourite
sentence I've ever seen.
I think that's my favourite
sentence I've ever seen.
"You've never been a bastard!"
It's like an emotional
moment on a northern stag do.
It's like an emotional
moment on a northern stag do.
"Oh, come here,
you lovely big bastard!"
"Oh, come here,
you lovely big bastard!"
It's a curious melange
of Lancastrian and New England,
It's a curious melange
of Lancastrian and New England,
isn't it, their accent?
He makes everything classier.
isn't it, their accent?
He makes everything classier.
It was a bit EastEnders,
that bit, wasn't it?
It was like in EastEnders
where Kat Slater's like,
It was like in EastEnders
where Kat Slater's like,
"You ain't my mum. Yes, I am!"
I think... They should have
played the drums in there,
I think... They should have
played the drums in there,
that would have been much better.
Yeah, yeah. Can we have the drums?
that would have been much better.
Yeah, yeah. Can we have the drums?
Can we find them?
Let's see if it works.
OK, this is how dramatic it was.
OK, this is how dramatic it was.
You're the true king,
Aegon Targaryen, sixth of his name,
Aegon Targaryen, sixth of his name,
protector of the realm, all of it.
EASTENDERS DRUMBEATS
EASTENDERS DRUMBEATS
That works.
OK, let's have a look
and see if it's up there.
OK, let's have a look
and see if it's up there.
Yes, the new series
of Game of Thrones.
Game of Thrones is set in Westeros,
a lawless country full of
poverty, violence and dragons,
a lawless country full of
poverty, violence and dragons,
like an upmarket Wales.
Katherine's team, what do you think
the nation have been
talking about this week?
They've been talking about
Easter and how it's so hot
They've been talking about
Easter and how it's so hot
because what a chocolate egg hunt
needs is heat, you know?
because what a chocolate egg hunt
needs is heat, you know?
I'm excited about the hot weather,
Jimmy, because I'm regularly seen
I'm excited about the hot weather,
Jimmy, because I'm regularly seen
in a bikini in my garden passed out,
but when it's hot out,
fewer people call child services.
but when it's hot out,
fewer people call child services.
See, I'm going to be skinning out,
like, as soon as
the sun comes out...
Skinning out? Skin is out.
Oh, skinning out. Yeah.
Skinning out? Skin is out.
Oh, skinning out. Yeah.
Oh, so sun comes out,
the skin comes out. Yeah.
I've never heard
the expression skinning out.
It's derived from patois,
right? Right.
It's derived from patois,
right? Right.
There's a song,
it's like a popular bashment song,
There's a song,
it's like a popular bashment song,
and the artist screams,
"Skin out mi pum-pum!"
and the artist screams,
"Skin out mi pum-pum!"
basically meaning she's
going to get her genitals out,
basically meaning she's
going to get her genitals out,
and I don't mean it like that,
I just mean
I'm going to be skinning out,
not skinning out my pum-pum,
just skinning out.
not skinning out my pum-pum,
just skinning out.
Thank God, because I misunderstood,
I thought
you were skinning out your pum-pum.
I thought
you were skinning out your pum-pum.
You know me,
I'm old school like that.
You know me,
I'm old school like that.
I can't imagine you
in a heatwave, Jimmy.
I can't imagine you
in a heatwave, Jimmy.
Actually, if you wore shorts,
you'd be, like...
Actually, if you wore shorts,
you'd be, like...
proper smart shorts, like you was
a Victorian boarding school boy...
proper smart shorts, like you was
a Victorian boarding school boy...
I would say,
I look like a 1930s boxer in shorts.
I would say,
I look like a 1930s boxer in shorts.
I would say,
I look like a 1930s boxer in shorts.
Now, you in short, I imagine, looks
like the world's biggest toddler.
Now, you in short, I imagine, looks
like the world's biggest toddler.
Yeah.
I'm very thick of calf, as well.
I'm very thick of calf, as well.
Really? I couldn't wear socks
as a kid because I was too fat
Really? I couldn't wear socks
as a kid because I was too fat
and I still... You know this.
Still trying to squeeze that through
under the radar there.
Still trying to squeeze that through
under the radar there.
You know when
you're too fat for socks?
You know when
you're too fat for socks?
To be fair, if we're doing
thick legs, I'm just a warm-up act
To be fair, if we're doing
thick legs, I'm just a warm-up act
for what this boy's got under here.
for what this boy's got under here.
Let's see how thick these legs are.
They are quite chunky!
Let's see how thick these legs are.
They are quite chunky!
On the desk, on the desk or we can't
see it. All right, go on, Lloyd!
On the desk, on the desk or we can't
see it. All right, go on, Lloyd!
Go on, let's...
Whoa! I'm scared!
It's knobbly! Look at that calf!
APPLAUSE
Wow, you're so lithe.
You can't even get that back.
Wow, you're so lithe.
You can't even get that back.
Wow, you're so lithe.
You can't even get that back.
I can't get it down. Has anyone
any Vaseline and a shoehorn?
I can't get it down. Has anyone
any Vaseline and a shoehorn?
Did you do anything at Easter, Tom?
Did you do anything at Easter, Tom?
I'm going to Stirling
for a ramble.
What?
What's a ramble, Tom?
A ramble's like a lovely
extended walk in the countryside
A ramble's like a lovely
extended walk in the countryside
with vistas for days. I adore it.
with vistas for days. I adore it.
That's your real voice, isn't it?
Where are you rambling?
That's your real voice, isn't it?
Where are you rambling?
I'm afraid so.
Where's he from?
No, where are you rambling?
Where's he from?
No, where are you rambling?
Where's he from?
He's from the olden days.
Where's he from?
He's from the olden days.
I think he's from Downton Abbey.
I think he's upstairs
but I'm not sure.
I think he's upstairs
but I'm not sure.
Rob, what does Easter mean to you?
So let me...
This is what happens, yeah?
Easter, he died on the Friday...
Yeah. Came back on Sunday... Yeah.
Easter, he died on the Friday...
Yeah. Came back on Sunday... Yeah.
Took her for a drink on Tuesday...
Took her for a drink on Tuesday...
making love by Wednesday, Thursday,
Friday, chilled on Saturday.
making love by Wednesday, Thursday,
Friday, chilled on Saturday.
Yeah, near enough.
It makes more sense than a bunny,
doesn't it?
It makes more sense than a bunny,
doesn't it?
Yeah, the bunny makes sense
because it's about sex.
Yeah, the bunny makes sense
because it's about sex.
It's a very sexual holiday. Is it?
It's a very sexual holiday. Is it?
Fertility,
that's why it's eggs, rabbits,
Fertility,
that's why it's eggs, rabbits,
they're very prolific fornicators.
It's a sex holiday that
we've somehow attached to, like,
It's a sex holiday that
we've somehow attached to, like,
candy and chocolate to lure
children in. I don't like it.
candy and chocolate to lure
children in. I don't like it.
You see, in our house, my dad ran
a sex shop for a living... Nice.
You see, in our house, my dad ran
a sex shop for a living... Nice.
So we used to get
chocolate nipples at Easter.
So we used to get
chocolate nipples at Easter.
It was a proper seedy one.
It did have a section on dwarf porn
It did have a section on dwarf porn
but he put it on
a really tall shelf,
which I always thought
was a mistake.
which I always thought
was a mistake.
Did you work there as a kid?
Not as a kid, no!
Did you work there as a kid?
Not as a kid, no!
He didn't take me to
Take your Daughter to Work Day.
He didn't take me to
Take your Daughter to Work Day.
"What did you do?"
"Dildo stock-take with my dad." No.
"What did you do?"
"Dildo stock-take with my dad." No.
I actually, I don't like Easter
because I am a choirboy
as well as a comedian
because I am a choirboy
as well as a comedian
and so I'm just working
the whole time
and people go, "Oh,
yeah, it's just Easter Sunday"
and people go, "Oh,
yeah, it's just Easter Sunday"
but you've got Maundy Thursday,
Good Friday, Saturday with midnight
mass and then obviously the big day,
Good Friday, Saturday with midnight
mass and then obviously the big day,
Easter Sunday with three services.
I'm not even getting
double bubble for it.
I'm not even getting
double bubble for it.
Whoa, whoa, whoa. Go on, son.
What do you mean, you're a choirboy?
Whoa, whoa, whoa. Go on, son.
What do you mean, you're a choirboy?
I'm a choir... man, a choirlad.
What's the big hit at Easter?
What's the big song at Easter?
What's the big hit at Easter?
What's the big song at Easter?
When I Survey
the Wondrous Cross, I guess.
Come on, give us...
I've got the lyrics.
HE CLEARS HIS THROAT
# When I survey the wondrous cross
# When I survey the wondrous cross
# When I survey the wondrous cross
# On which
the Prince of Glory died... #
# On which
the Prince of Glory died... #
# On which
the Prince of Glory died... #
# On which
the Prince of Glory died... #
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
That made my knees buckle.
It oscillated through the desk.
Get them out on the desk.
Come on, let's see your knees.
Get them out on the desk.
Come on, let's see your knees.
My knees, they buckle. Do they?
My knees, they buckle. Do they?
Liked it.
Those are some calves!
OK, Easter egg hunts can be
dangerous. Take a look at this.
OK, Easter egg hunts can be
dangerous. Take a look at this.
Ruairi, let's see you throw it!
Ruairi, let's see you throw it!
Is that the mummy egg?
Let's see you throw it.
Is that the mummy egg?
Let's see you throw it.
Oh! Oh...
Yes!
APPLAUSE
That was brutal.
That was brutal.
I was actually on a night out once.
This was when I was single,
I was actually on a night out once.
This was when I was single,
I was actually on a night out once.
This was when I was single,
and I met this girl and then we were
walking to the bus stop together
and I met this girl and then we were
walking to the bus stop together
and we stopped at the side
of the road for like, I kiss,
and we stopped at the side
of the road for like, I kiss,
while I was waiting for the bus
and as I lent in to kiss her,
a car drove past and egged her.
And... she just
had egg all over her face.
And... she just
had egg all over her face.
Are you sure that's what happened?
A car did it. Darling, I got
egged in Stockwell, you know.
A car did it. Darling, I got
egged in Stockwell, you know.
You got egged in Stockwell? Yes,
from behind. It was like a missile.
You got egged in Stockwell? Yes,
from behind. It was like a missile.
I'm not buying any of this.
I was so cross, I turned to them
and I went,
I was so cross, I turned to them
and I went,
"I bet it's not even free-range!"
"I bet it's not even free-range!"
APPLAUSE
Let's have a look and see
if Easter is up there.
Let's have a look and see
if Easter is up there.
Yes, it's Easter.
The reason we celebrate Easter
is because 2,000 years ago
The reason we celebrate Easter
is because 2,000 years ago
a man walked on water, got crucified
and then rose from the dead.
a man walked on water, got crucified
and then rose from the dead.
You couldn't make it up.
Oh, no, wait, they did.
That's it for part one.
See you after the break.
That's it for part one.
See you after the break.
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
Welcome back to 8 Out Of 10 Cats,
where we're still trying to guess
Welcome back to 8 Out Of 10 Cats,
where we're still trying to guess
the nation's most popular
talking points.
OK, fingers on buzzers.
BUZZER
Rob, what do you think the
nation have been talking about?
Rob, what do you think the
nation have been talking about?
Is it Julian Assange?
Oh! I do like that name.
I like saying it - Assange.
I like saying it - Assange.
Basically, he's been arrested,
he's been removed from
the Ecuadorian embassy.
he's been removed from
the Ecuadorian embassy.
They had to get rid of him.
Imagine, like, getting a job
at the embassy
Imagine, like, getting a job
at the embassy
and it's your first day
and they're like,
"OK, so there's a photocopier there,
that's the kitchen.
"OK, so there's a photocopier there,
that's the kitchen.
"Oh, yeah, see that bloke there?
"Don't worry about him, he's
just rubbing shit on the walls
"Don't worry about him, he's
just rubbing shit on the walls
"and been accused of sexual assault.
"He lives here, it's fine,
it's fine..."
"He lives here, it's fine,
it's fine..."
Didn't he also...? Wasn't
he hiding in there for seven years
Didn't he also...? Wasn't
he hiding in there for seven years
to escape a five-year jail sentence?
to escape a five-year jail sentence?
That's not good maths, is it?
That's not good maths, is it?
Yeah, I know. Rolf Harris has been
in and out for noncing in that time.
Yeah, I know. Rolf Harris has been
in and out for noncing in that time.
I'm sorry, if I was trying
to think of something...
I'm sorry, if I was trying
to think of something...
A more south London sentence...
"He's been in and out
for noncing in less time."
"He's been in and out
for noncing in less time."
It's just the facts, innit?
All right, Fagan.
It's just the facts, innit?
All right, Fagan.
KATHERINE: Well, he did dramatically
change his appearance.
KATHERINE: Well, he did dramatically
change his appearance.
I mean, he went in just looking like
a regular, clean-cut date rapist
I mean, he went in just looking like
a regular, clean-cut date rapist
I mean, he went in just looking like
a regular, clean-cut date rapist
and he came out looking like one of
those hiding-in-the-bushes rapists,
and he came out looking like one of
those hiding-in-the-bushes rapists,
and that's a big change.
We won't know if he's a rapist
unless he goes back to Sweden
We won't know if he's a rapist
unless he goes back to Sweden
and faces the charges.
ROB: How bad can a
Swedish prison be?
You have to build a cell yourself,
they just give you
some instructions...
they just give you
some instructions...
"Oh, meatballs again!"
"Oh, meatballs again!"
Well, he's been having fun
in there as well.
Well, he's been having fun
in there as well.
Take a look at this fascinating
and revealing CCTV footage
Take a look at this fascinating
and revealing CCTV footage
of Julian Assange passing the time
holed up in the embassy.
of Julian Assange passing the time
holed up in the embassy.
I don't know how we
got this footage,
it's like the Big Brother House.
Yeah! Look at him, look at him go.
it's like the Big Brother House.
Yeah! Look at him, look at him go.
Oh, oh, oh! OK.
I mean, this is after seven years
as well. This is...
I mean, this is after seven years
as well. This is...
Who got him a skateboard?
That's taking the piss.
That's like giving him a sat nav.
Tom, what would you do if you
were trapped in a house
Tom, what would you do if you
were trapped in a house
for seven years?
Tapestries take a long time.
for seven years?
Tapestries take a long time.
You'd do a tapestry.
I'd do a tapestry.
You'd do a tapestry.
I'd do a tapestry.
What year are you from?!
Paisley, if you were stuck in there,
if you were inside a house for
seven years, what would you do?
if you were inside a house for
seven years, what would you do?
Do you know what? I'd probably be
smearing my shit on the walls too.
Do you know what? I'd probably be
smearing my shit on the walls too.
Seven years!
Seven years, and you're
just stuck in there. Yeah.
Seven years, and you're
just stuck in there. Yeah.
Knowing that I can't leave,
I reckon I would sort of start
decorating. Decorating!
I reckon I would sort of start
decorating. Decorating!
I reckon I would sort of start
decorating. Decorating!
KATHERINE: What do you think's
going to happen to him now, Jimmy?
KATHERINE: What do you think's
going to happen to him now, Jimmy?
Cos Donald Trump doesn't even
know what WikiLeaks is.
Cos Donald Trump doesn't even
know what WikiLeaks is.
Well, he does and he doesn't.
You said he doesn't.
Well, he does and he doesn't.
You said he doesn't.
Well, he said he doesn't,
but I think he might know
what WikiLeaks is because
but I think he might know
what WikiLeaks is because
sometimes he says a lot
about WikiLeaks
sometimes he says a lot
about WikiLeaks
and sometimes he pretends he doesn't
know what it is. Have a look.
and sometimes he pretends he doesn't
know what it is. Have a look.
WikiLeaks, I love WikiLeaks.
CHEERING
WikiLeaks, I love WikiLeaks.
CHEERING
WikiLeaks, oh, WikiLeaks.
WikiLeaks, oh, WikiLeaks.
WikiLeaks... WikiLeaks...
WikiLeaks...
WikiLeaks... WikiLeaks...
WikiLeaks...
WikiLeaks... WikiLeaks, right?
WikiLeaks... WikiLeaks...
Boy, that WikiLeaks has done
a job on her, hasn't it?
Boy, that WikiLeaks has done
a job on her, hasn't it?
I know nothing about WikiLeaks.
The thing is, you know he's evil,
The thing is, you know he's evil,
but you quite like him
after that, don't you?
but you quite like him
after that, don't you?
Do you think while
Assange was in there,
Do you think while
Assange was in there,
like, obviously, they took
his Wi-Fi away, didn't they,
like, obviously, they took
his Wi-Fi away, didn't they,
so he couldn't get involved
in any of that?
so he couldn't get involved
in any of that?
And I wonder if he needed to get
his whistle-blowing fix,
And I wonder if he needed to get
his whistle-blowing fix,
if he was, like, leaving Post-it
notes on the fridge, like,
"It was Barbara
who stole your milk, Dave."
"It was Barbara
who stole your milk, Dave."
You've really nailed those
Ecuadorian names.
You've really nailed those
Ecuadorian names.
Barbara and Dave, you know,
the Ecuadorians.
Barbara and Dave, you know,
the Ecuadorians.
OK, I can tell you
Julian Assange is not up there.
OK, I can tell you
Julian Assange is not up there.
But the Ecuadoran embassy was
sad to see Julian Assange go
But the Ecuadoran embassy was
sad to see Julian Assange go
because it proved quite handy
to have someone there
because it proved quite handy
to have someone there
over the weekends
to sign for packages.
over the weekends
to sign for packages.
All right, fingers on buzzers,
what else?
BUZZER
Katherine Ryan, what have
people been talking about?
Is it Kim, the most
important Kardashian,
training to have
an actual law degree?
training to have
an actual law degree?
I want my solicitor to have a
sex tape, and to have been robbed,
I want my solicitor to have a
sex tape, and to have been robbed,
and to be married to Kanye West.
and to be married to Kanye West.
You know, that's someone who knows
the legal system in and out.
You know, that's someone who knows
the legal system in and out.
And it just goes to show that a
mother will do absolutely anything
And it just goes to show that a
mother will do absolutely anything
in the world to look busy
in front of the nanny.
in the world to look busy
in front of the nanny.
You've got Judge Judy... Yep.
..you've got Judge Rinder,
You've got Judge Judy... Yep.
..you've got Judge Rinder,
they're both now reality stars,
why not have some traffic
going the other way?
why not have some traffic
going the other way?
That's why she's doing it. No...
That's why she's doing it!
Yeah, that's it, Paisley.
That's why she's doing it!
Yeah, that's it, Paisley.
She wants to be on TV more!
Yeah, she just wants to be famous.
She wants to be on TV more!
Yeah, she just wants to be famous.
She's just a wannabe, the
most famous wannabe in the world.
She's just a wannabe, the
most famous wannabe in the world.
You've sniffed her out,
Paisley, well done.
You've sniffed her out,
Paisley, well done.
ROB: I think she'll
be a great lawyer.
She's been getting
blokes off for years.
She's been getting
blokes off for years.
LLOYD: The course that she's doing,
it's a multiple choice,
LLOYD: The course that she's doing,
it's a multiple choice,
the exams are multiple choice
and that's just a questionnaire,
isn't it, do you know what I mean?
and that's just a questionnaire,
isn't it, do you know what I mean?
"Is murder - A, bad,
B, frowned upon,
"Is murder - A, bad,
B, frowned upon,
"or C, so in this season?"
"or C, so in this season?"
What's, er...? I don't want to...
What's, er...? I don't want to...
Erm... Her arse.
It keeps growing, doesn't it?
KATHERINE: Yes. ROB: Is that...?
It keeps growing, doesn't it?
KATHERINE: Yes. ROB: Is that...?
What's happening there?
KATHERINE: That, Rob,
is fat grafting.
KATHERINE: That, Rob,
is fat grafting.
So a doctor will go in
and lipo any extra fat
So a doctor will go in
and lipo any extra fat
that you have from your body
and harvest all those fat cells
that you have from your body
and harvest all those fat cells
and put it in your bum.
You love Kim, right?
I really do.
I like Kim Kardashian but,
and it's a big BUT...
APPLAUSE
APPLAUSE
Fine.
Well, I can tell you Kim Kardashian
training to be a lawyer
Well, I can tell you Kim Kardashian
training to be a lawyer
is not up there. OK, what else have
people been talking about? Buzz in.
is not up there. OK, what else have
people been talking about? Buzz in.
BUZZER
Go on. What have you got?
BUZZER
Go on. What have you got?
Is it Notre Dame burning? Oh...
Is it Notre Dame burning? Oh...
I happen to know... Yeah.
..you were in France last week.
I happen to know... Yeah.
..you were in France last week.
Yes, I was in Paris
and I smoked one blunt
under the spire...
and I smoked one blunt
under the spire...
and I smoked one blunt
under the spire...
..it's not my fault
they don't have ashtrays.
..it's not my fault
they don't have ashtrays.
I sang there when I was 12.
You did! I did.
What did you sing?
I sang the Cantique de Jean Racine.
I sang the Cantique de Jean Racine.
By Faure? Yes, by Faure.
Yeah, it's a great song. Yes.
All right...
Yeah, it's a great song. Yes.
All right...
Were you also a choir boy?
I was. Oh, for fuck's sake.
Were you also a choir boy?
I was. Oh, for fuck's sake.
Oh, and you've sung in... you've sung
in better places than Lloyd?
Oh, and you've sung in... you've sung
in better places than Lloyd?
I've sung there. This is amazing!
No, he hasn't.
I've sung there. This is amazing!
No, he hasn't.
No, but I haven't got pipes like
that. I haven't got...
No, but I haven't got pipes like
that. I haven't got...
Where have you sang? Everywhere.
Name a cathedral and
I've sang in it.
Ooh. This is quite exciting but
pathetic. St Paul's.
Ooh. This is quite exciting but
pathetic. St Paul's.
Yeah, I've sung there, mate,
three times.
Yeah, I've sung there, mate,
three times.
It's the weirdest kind of...
ROB LAUGHS
It's the weirdest kind of...
ROB LAUGHS
It's so... It's laddy on one level.
It's so... It's laddy on one level.
Yeah, it is, yeah.
"Oh, St Paul's? Yeah,
I've sang in that, yeah."
"Oh, St Paul's? Yeah,
I've sang in that, yeah."
I absolutely love cathedrals,
like, it's my thing.
I absolutely love cathedrals,
like, it's my thing.
Genuinely to the point where if
you name any English cathedral,
Genuinely to the point where if
you name any English cathedral,
I can tell you a fact about it.
Don't do that again. York Minster.
I can tell you a fact about it.
Don't do that again. York Minster.
York Minster, it's a minster,
not a cathedral.
HE CHUCKLES
OK. Cool, erm...
HE CHUCKLES
OK. Cool, erm...
What's the difference between
a minster and a cathedral?
What's the difference between
a minster and a cathedral?
Very good question.
What about Exeter? Exeter.
All right, Exeter,
What about Exeter? Exeter.
All right, Exeter,
it's got two towers either side,
it's got no tower or spire in the
middle which means the bit of wood
it's got no tower or spire in the
middle which means the bit of wood
that goes from the east end
to the west end
is actually the largest bit
of wood in England.
Well, second-largest, wha-hey-hey!
APPLAUSE
APPLAUSE
There's going to be someone
out there,
a lot of people watch this show,
there's going to be someone out
a lot of people watch this show,
there's going to be someone out
there that like cathedrals
and lads and in that Venn diagram,
there that like cathedrals
and lads and in that Venn diagram,
they've just hit the
fucking jackpot with you.
they've just hit the
fucking jackpot with you.
And hopefully it'll be a lady
cos I am lonely.
And hopefully it'll be a lady
cos I am lonely.
ANGELA: Did you see Donald Trump
said that they should fight the
fire with flying water tankers? Mm.
said that they should fight the
fire with flying water tankers? Mm.
Does he mean clouds? He also...
LAUGHTER
LAUGHTER
He said flying water tankers,
then he went, "And they better
be quick as well."
then he went, "And they better
be quick as well."
OK, we'll get right on that, then.
OK, we'll get right on that, then.
Those things that we don't
have that around here.
Those things that we don't
have that around here.
It's not actually that bad though
because all the really important
stuff survived, I think.
because all the really important
stuff survived, I think.
So it's a bit like
if Bluewater burnt down,
So it's a bit like
if Bluewater burnt down,
but House of Fraser, John Lewis
and Marks & Spencer survived,
but House of Fraser, John Lewis
and Marks & Spencer survived,
I would be OK with Lush going.
I would be OK with Lush going.
APPLAUSE
APPLAUSE
Wouldn't it? You wouldn't
be bothered.
Wouldn't it? You wouldn't
be bothered.
KATHERINE: They're going to be fine,
they've had loads of donations,
KATHERINE: They're going to be fine,
they've had loads of donations,
it's going to be be bigger
and better than ever
it's going to be be bigger
and better than ever
and if anyone's on board with
reconstructing old things, it's me.
and if anyone's on board with
reconstructing old things, it's me.
If I thought that Disney
was going to pay for me
If I thought that Disney
was going to pay for me
to have a new pair of tits,
hand me a match right now.
to have a new pair of tits,
hand me a match right now.
Paisley... Yes.
..have you ever been to Paris?
Paisley... Yes.
..have you ever been to Paris?
No, I've never been....
Actually, I went to
Disneyland Paris once
Actually, I went to
Disneyland Paris once
but I don't think
that's actually in Paris,
so, no, not really. And that's
where you got the outfit?
so, no, not really. And that's
where you got the outfit?
APPLAUSE
APPLAUSE
The great thing about Notre Dame
burning down is no-one hurt,
The great thing about Notre Dame
burning down is no-one hurt,
that was the good thing. As soon
as people get hurt, I give a fuck,
that was the good thing. As soon
as people get hurt, I give a fuck,
but... And also all these
Christians are worried
but... And also all these
Christians are worried
about Notre Dame burning down
but it's Easter,
about Notre Dame burning down
but it's Easter,
it'll be back on Monday. Yeah.
it'll be back on Monday. Yeah.
APPLAUSE
Won't it?
Well, a lot of people, Rob...
Well, a lot of people, Rob...
You say that, a lot of people think
they saw Jesus in the flames.
You say that, a lot of people think
they saw Jesus in the flames.
Have a look at this. Oh, God.
A lot of people thought that...
Have a look at this. Oh, God.
A lot of people thought that...
Oh, yeah, they're right,
there he is. Fuck off!
Oh, yeah, they're right,
there he is. Fuck off!
I mean, can anyone see it?
Is anyone...?
All I can see is about £10 million
worth of scaffold.
All I can see is about £10 million
worth of scaffold.
Imagine pricing up
that scaffold job.
Imagine pricing up
that scaffold job.
"I haven't got enough poles."
"I haven't got enough poles."
Also it isn't even that old.
That spire, it was like, "Oh,
my God, history's burning down..."
That spire, it was like, "Oh,
my God, history's burning down..."
It was rebuilt in, like, 1973.
No, no...
It's like... No, it's bollocks,
Lloyd, I'm having it out now,
It's like... No, it's bollocks,
Lloyd, I'm having it out now,
I've had enough of this.
They keep going all this history,
it's like Trigger's broom,
They keep going all this history,
it's like Trigger's broom,
they keep rebuilding it!
they keep rebuilding it!
They've had about 15 spires.
JIMMY LAUGHS
They've had about 15 spires.
JIMMY LAUGHS
He's gone.
Aw. It's like we've turned up
the south London this week somehow.
Aw. It's like we've turned up
the south London this week somehow.
Aw. It's like we've turned up
the south London this week somehow.
"Oh, Notre Dame, think it's old,
do you? Trigger's broom, mate."
"Oh, Notre Dame, think it's old,
do you? Trigger's broom, mate."
"Oh, Notre Dame, think it's old,
do you? Trigger's broom, mate."
"Those stained glass windows? No,
I sold them that double glazing."
"Those stained glass windows? No,
I sold them that double glazing."
OK, let's have a look and
see if Notre Dame is up there.
OK, let's have a look and
see if Notre Dame is up there.
OK, let's have a look and
see if Notre Dame is up there.
Yes, Notre Dame.
APPLAUSE
French President Emmanuel Macron
looked devastated
French President Emmanuel Macron
looked devastated
as he stood next to
the 800-year-old crumbling ruin
as he stood next to
the 800-year-old crumbling ruin
or Mrs Macron, as she prefers
to be known.
or Mrs Macron, as she prefers
to be known.
or Mrs Macron, as she prefers
to be known.
She's a little bit older than him.
25 years.
So, those were the nation's
most talked about things.
So, those were the nation's
most talked about things.
But in other news,
it's been revealed Amazon has been
flooded with fake five-star reviews.
it's been revealed Amazon has been
flooded with fake five-star reviews.
It's not always easy
to spot the fake ones.
It's not always easy
to spot the fake ones.
For years, I thought
Katherine's were real.
For years, I thought
Katherine's were real.
He means my balls.
I love Amazon, it's so convenient
I love Amazon, it's so convenient
to immediately order anything online
with just one click
to immediately order anything online
with just one click
and then wait in all day for it to
arrive, miss the delivery,
and then wait in all day for it to
arrive, miss the delivery,
then have to drive all
the way to the post office,
past the shop you could've bought it
from in the first place.
past the shop you could've bought it
from in the first place.
Basically, hassle-free.
Nigel Farage launched
a new Brexit Party.
Nigel Farage launched
a new Brexit Party.
If you don't know much
about the Brexit Party,
If you don't know much
about the Brexit Party,
it's basically the rubbish,
straight-to-DVD sequel to Ukip.
it's basically the rubbish,
straight-to-DVD sequel to Ukip.
Nigel Farage has a very
distinctive look.
Nigel Farage has a very
distinctive look.
He looks like someone put
Mr Toad in the microwave.
He looks like someone put
Mr Toad in the microwave.
On Wednesday, North Korea tested
a new type of guided missile.
On Wednesday, North Korea tested
a new type of guided missile.
Kim Jong-un is going to end
up in the doghouse,
Kim Jong-un is going to end
up in the doghouse,
which is his favourite
local restaurant.
which is his favourite
local restaurant.
So, at the end of that round,
Rob's team are in the lead.
So, at the end of that round,
Rob's team are in the lead.
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
Time for a special
Easter bonus round now.
Rob, Katherine, join me in the
middle for Egg Roulette.
Rob, Katherine, join me in the
middle for Egg Roulette.
CHEERING
CHEERING
OK, in front of you are seven eggs -
some are raw, some are hard-boiled.
OK, in front of you are seven eggs -
some are raw, some are hard-boiled.
OK, in front of you are seven eggs -
some are raw, some are hard-boiled.
The aim of the game is
to crack as many raw eggs
The aim of the game is
to crack as many raw eggs
on your opponent's head as possible.
Lighting change, please.
Lighting change, please.
Let's play Egg Roulette.
Let's play Egg Roulette.
OK, Katherine, you're up first.
Please select your egg.
OK, Katherine, you're up first.
Please select your egg.
Ideally you want a raw egg here.
Ideally you want a raw egg here.
OK, now... Just be gentle, don't...
All you've got to do is smash
that on Rob's lovely little face.
All you've got to do is smash
that on Rob's lovely little face.
You really can't miss,
it's massive.
You really can't miss,
it's massive.
Where would you like it, Rob?
On the forehead, avoid the eyes and
mouth, the teeth are the moneymaker.
On the forehead, avoid the eyes and
mouth, the teeth are the moneymaker.
Ready? Go.
Ready? Go.
APPLAUSE
OK. You are one-for-one.
OK. You are one-for-one.
Wow.
Quite aggressive, Jimmy. It was
quite aggressive, yeah. OK.
Quite aggressive, Jimmy. It was
quite aggressive, yeah. OK.
OK, I should say, some are raw,
some are hard-boiled,
OK, I should say, some are raw,
some are hard-boiled,
there is one marble egg.
there is one marble egg.
Before I do this, I'd like to say
I am a feminist. OK.
Before I do this, I'd like to say
I am a feminist. OK.
But if you want me to
throw an egg at a woman,
But if you want me to
throw an egg at a woman,
I will have to put that aside. Yeah.
I will have to put that aside. Yeah.
But I suppose pure feminism,
equals ops, innit?
But I suppose pure feminism,
equals ops, innit?
APPLAUSE
APPLAUSE
Oh, no.
Oh, no.
Rob...
Sorry!
You've had worse things
in your hair.
Where did you want it, sorry?
I feel so emotional, Rob, no-one's
ever asked me that before. OK.
I feel so emotional, Rob, no-one's
ever asked me that before. OK.
So, it's... Katherine, your go.
Pick an egg.
So, it's... Katherine, your go.
Pick an egg.
Is it hard-boiled? I can't tell.
Is it hard-boiled? I can't tell.
No, you can't. That's sort of the
game we're playing. Oh, yeah.
No, you can't. That's sort of the
game we're playing. Oh, yeah.
OK, right in the face on this one,
in the face. In the face?
OK, right in the face on this one,
in the face. In the face?
In the face, yeah. Lean over a bit.
Oh, it's... That is hard-boiled.
Oh, it's... That is hard-boiled.
Did that hurt?
Er, no, it was actually
quite pleasant.
Er, no, it was actually
quite pleasant.
It's one-all so far.
So, right in the face. OK.
So, right in the face. OK.
Oh...
Oh...
APPLAUSE
That was soft-boiled!
APPLAUSE
That was soft-boiled!
Jimmy, you've soft-boiled these.
Now, what does that count as?
Is that half a point?
Now, what does that count as?
Is that half a point?
We're going to have
to go to VAR on that.
We're going to have
to go to VAR on that.
OK, all right, so it's 2-1 in
Rob's favour at the moment.
OK, all right, so it's 2-1 in
Rob's favour at the moment.
OK, Katherine, your go.
OK. Ready, spin. OK, OK.
OK, Katherine, your go.
OK. Ready, spin. OK, OK.
Right, here we go.
Oh, hang on. That's got pubes.
OK, right in the face. OK, ready?
OK, right in the face. OK, ready?
Ugh.
APPLAUSE
Ugh.
APPLAUSE
Did it hurt, did it hurt? Erm...
Did it hurt? Quite aggressive,
but fine.
Did it hurt? Quite aggressive,
but fine.
Current score is two-all,
this is the decider.
Current score is two-all,
this is the decider.
OK. She can't see!
OK. Right, ready,
Katherine? Yeah, yeah.
OK. Right, ready,
Katherine? Yeah, yeah.
Ugh!
APPLAUSE
Ugh!
APPLAUSE
Rob is the winner of Egg Roulette.
Rob is the winner of Egg Roulette.
Congratulations, Rob.
Congratulations, Rob.
We're going to clean things up,
see you after the break.
We're going to clean things up,
see you after the break.
This is also soft-boiled!
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
This is also soft-boiled!
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
This is also soft-boiled!
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
Welcome back to 8 Out of 10 Cats.
Our next round is Pick Of The Polls.
Rob, Paisley, Lloyd, what do you
like the look of? What do you think?
Rob, Paisley, Lloyd, what do you
like the look of? What do you think?
The lady singer, she looks happy.
OK. Well, you have got
The lady singer, she looks happy.
OK. Well, you have got
the karaoke singer,
so here is your question...
I mean, I hate karaoke.
It's just too much reading.
I mean, I hate karaoke.
It's just too much reading.
It's like... It's the most
Cockney he's ever been!
It's like... It's the most
Cockney he's ever been!
Little ball's patronising.
I don't know what the words are,
Little ball's patronising.
I don't know what the words are,
but I know it goes that way!
Thing is with karaoke,
no-one really likes it.
Thing is with karaoke,
no-one really likes it.
Because if you're too good,
everyone goes, "Oh, show off."
If you're rubbish, everyone's like,
"You're shit."
If you're rubbish, everyone's like,
"You're shit."
So everyone just likes a mediocre...
"Hey, Paul.
"Come and listen to this guy.
He's absolutely mediocre!"
"Come and listen to this guy.
He's absolutely mediocre!"
If I want to hear
Robbie Williams sung badly,
I'll just go to
a Robbie Williams gig.
ALL: Oh!
ALL: Oh!
Paisley? What's your go-to,
what's your classic?
Paisley? What's your go-to,
what's your classic?
I Want To Dance With Somebody,
Whitney Huston.
I Want To Dance With Somebody,
Whitney Huston.
That's always a good 'un. What's
the big hit with the high note?
That's always a good 'un. What's
the big hit with the high note?
And I Will Always Love You.
Oh, yeah.
When they try
and do that and you go,
"No, do the Dolly Parton version,
you might have a shot."
"No, do the Dolly Parton version,
you might have a shot."
"But the Whitney version,
you're dreaming."
"But the Whitney version,
you're dreaming."
I find that quite funny, though.
The whole build-up and everything.
I find that quite funny, though.
The whole build-up and everything.
And they're like,
# And I... #
Angela, what do you think?
I've never done karaoke.
Angela, what do you think?
I've never done karaoke.
I've never done karaoke? I've never
done it cos I can't sing.
I've never done karaoke? I've never
done it cos I can't sing.
Cos I'm hard of hearing,
wear hearing aids.
Cos I'm hard of hearing,
wear hearing aids.
I mean, it's really bad,
Jimmy, when I sing.
We don't get a harvest,
that's how bad it is.
You wear hearing aids?
I wear hearing aids.
So how do you know
your singing's bad?
Well, I do now
cos I've got a hearing aid.
But people have told me.
So, for years you thought,
"I'm nailing this!" Yes.
So, for years you thought,
"I'm nailing this!" Yes.
Karaoke is not about
being a good singer.
Karaoke is not about
being a good singer.
It's about your perspective lovers
know
It's about your perspective lovers
know
that you are an
attention seeking alcoholic.
that you are an
attention seeking alcoholic.
LAUGHTER
Karaoke is the most beautiful
word. I mean, the origin.
Karaoke is the most beautiful
word. I mean, the origin.
It's a Japanese portmanteau.
It's a Japanese portmanteau.
It's "karappo" and "okesutra"
which means "empty orchestra".
It's "karappo" and "okesutra"
which means "empty orchestra".
It's "karappo" and "okesutra"
which means "empty orchestra".
And so the notion is that you have
to add something yourself,
And so the notion is that you have
to add something yourself,
to complete the music.
Tom, let me ask you,
how are the wife and kids?
DEEP VOICE: They're all right, mate.
APPLAUSE
APPLAUSE
Tom, you studied at the
Royal Academy, didn't you? I did.
Tom, you studied at the
Royal Academy, didn't you? I did.
How did you know that?
It's written down.
You think I'm your stalker.
No, I...
You've addition for
The Voice back in 2016.
You've addition for
The Voice back in 2016.
Let's take a look at a particularly
rousing clip of you singing here.
Let's take a look at a particularly
rousing clip of you singing here.
#..You've got to accentuate
everything that is positive
#..You've got to accentuate
everything that is positive
# Eliminate the slightest
crazy anything that is negative
# Eliminate the slightest
crazy anything that is negative
# Latch on to the affirmative
# Latch on to the affirmative
# Don't mess with Mr In-Between
# Don't mess with Mr In-Between
# No, don't mess with Mr In-Between
# No, don't mess with Mr In-Between
# No, don't mess with Mr In-Between
# No, don't mess with Mr In-Between
# Oh, no,
don't miss with Mr...
# Oh, no,
don't miss with Mr...
# ..In-Between. #
APPLAUSE AND CHEERING
APPLAUSE AND CHEERING
Lloyd, you're a singer, right?
You love karaoke?
Lloyd, you're a singer, right?
You love karaoke?
Yeah, but everyone thinks I'm going
to be really good at it.
Unless the DJ's
got like Mozart's Requiem.
Unless the DJ's
got like Mozart's Requiem.
What's your classic
karaoke go-to?
If I was to, it would be like,
I Will Survive by Gloria Gaynor.
If I was to, it would be like,
I Will Survive by Gloria Gaynor.
Because you are a...?
I'm a strong independent woman.
Go on, give it a go.
If I give you a mic, give it a go.
There's a microphone.
Can you just pass the mic? Oh!
Oh, sorry. Are we doing acting
awards because...?
Oh, sorry. Are we doing acting
awards because...?
Oh, no, there is
a microphone. Oh no!
Oh, no, there is
a microphone. Oh no!
Pass that microphone over, please?
Can you pass that over?
How do you hold it?
Can you pass that over?
How do you hold it?
You don't have to do it
if you don't want to.
No, but it's for showbiz.
Oh!
APPLAUSE
APPLAUSE
OK, so we've got I Will Survive.
Roll the track.
OK, so we've got I Will Survive.
Roll the track.
INTRO BEGINS
INTRO BEGINS
He's just got divorced!
LAUGHTER
# First I was afraid,
I was petrified
# First I was afraid,
I was petrified
# Kept thinking I could never live
without you by my side
# Kept thinking I could never live
without you by my side
# But then I spent
so many nights... # Why is it Welsh?
# But then I spent
so many nights... # Why is it Welsh?
# Thinking how did you did me wrong,
I grew strong
# Thinking how did you did me wrong,
I grew strong
# And I learned how to get along
# And so you're back
# From outer space
# I just walked in to find you here
with that sad look upon your face
# I just walked in to find you here
with that sad look upon your face
# Weren't you the one who tried to
hurt me with goodbye,
# Weren't you the one who tried to
hurt me with goodbye,
# Do you think I'd crumble?
# Do you think I'd crumble?
# Did you think
I would lay down and die?
# Did you think
I would lay down and die?
# Oh, no not I
# I will survive
# I will survive
# As long as I know how to love
I know I'll stay alive
# As long as I know how to love
I know I'll stay alive
# I've got all my life to live,
I've got all my love to give
# I've got all my life to live,
I've got all my love to give
# I will survive
# I will survive
# I will sur-vive! #
# I will sur-vive! #
# I will sur-vive! #
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
Best stag do ever!
Best stag do ever!
You are a very strange man.
Thank you.
Also, the Welsh accent...
Also, the Welsh accent...
Stop eating your feelings.
Stop eating your feelings.
LAUGHTER
LAUGHTER
When you sing, you go so Welsh,
so fast... It's weird, isn't it?
When you sing, you go so Welsh,
so fast... It's weird, isn't it?
Because I'm not Welsh, I'm from
Grimsby.
Which isn't in Wales.
We... Oh, no, don't.
Which isn't in Wales.
We... Oh, no, don't.
Please do, please do. Lloyd did
my tour support when I was on tour.
Please do, please do. Lloyd did
my tour support when I was on tour.
We did a gig in Wales and within
an hour he'd managed to lose the
We did a gig in Wales and within
an hour he'd managed to lose the
crowd immediately with his opening
line and it was the funniest thing.
crowd immediately with his opening
line and it was the funniest thing.
crowd immediately with his opening
line and it was the funniest thing.
He said and they just hated
you immediately.
Hello, my name is Lloyd Griffiths,
I've got a very Welsh name.
Hello, my name is Lloyd Griffiths,
I've got a very Welsh name.
I look Welsh, very fat and hairy,
but I'm not one of you.
I look Welsh, very fat and hairy,
but I'm not one of you.
You opened with that? Yeah.
I nearly died laughing.
The only person who was happy
was Rob backstage.
The only person who was happy
was Rob backstage.
Katherine, what's your,
your karaoke song of choice?
Katherine, what's your,
your karaoke song of choice?
Cos I know you basically learned
all of Cardi B's back catalogue.
Cos I know you basically learned
all of Cardi B's back catalogue.
Cos I know you basically learned
all of Cardi B's back catalogue.
Yeah, I really like hip-hop.
Do you know Cardi B, Tom?
Yeah, I really like hip-hop.
Do you know Cardi B, Tom?
I don't, I'm afraid.
Because he's an auntie of 60 so of
course he doesn't.
Because he's an auntie of 60 so of
course he doesn't.
He's a fan of Cardi-gans.
He's a fan of Cardi-gans.
Sometimes they don't have to be
complicated.
Sometimes they don't have to be
complicated.
I like the one where she goes...
SHE RAPS: I'll be real, man,
I don't need a geezer for nothin'
SHE RAPS: I'll be real, man,
I don't need a geezer for nothin'
I'm lookin' better every day,
I got the Benjamin Button
I'm lookin' better every day,
I got the Benjamin Button
Claiming he don't got a girl,
I know men, they be frontin'
Claiming he don't got a girl,
I know men, they be frontin'
I don't need no bitch coming up
to me as a woman
I don't need no bitch coming up
to me as a woman
Ay, I want something more than
just physical
It's been a while
since I met someone original
It's been a while
since I met someone original
I spend my time drinking
wine in my living room
I spend my time drinking
wine in my living room
All this good pussy can't find
anyone to give it to.
All this good pussy can't find
anyone to give it to.
But I can, though.
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
OK, let's get some marks on this.
So we asked the studio audience...
What do you think?
I think that's false. I think
people like it, don't they?
I think that's false. I think
people like it, don't they?
OK, so you're saying false?
What are you going for?
We think it's true.
OK.
I can tell you the answer is true.
OK.
I can tell you the answer is true.
60% of our audience secretly
hate karaoke.
60% of our audience secretly
hate karaoke.
APPLAUSE
I love karaoke.
It's basically X Factor
I love karaoke.
It's basically X Factor
but for people whose back story is
too tragic even for ITV.
but for people whose back story is
too tragic even for ITV.
So at the end of that round,
it's two points for Rob's team
So at the end of that round,
it's two points for Rob's team
and
two points for Katherine's team.
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
Well, that's it for part three.
See you after the break.
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
Welcome back to 8 Out Of 10 Cats.
And The Winner Is is the name of our
final round. Here's your first one.
And The Winner Is is the name of our
final round. Here's your first one.
BUZZER
Smelly helmet.
I was going to say burping.
That is outrageous!
I was going to say burping.
That is outrageous!
That mime's amazing!
Well, I suppose the equivalent
for boys is disco fanny.
Well, I suppose the equivalent
for boys is disco fanny.
I heard someone describe it
once as being a bit gamey.
I heard someone describe it
once as being a bit gamey.
Gamey?!
Not mine! Not mine!
TOM: Have you ever seen
the Great Wall Of Vagina?
TOM: Have you ever seen
the Great Wall Of Vagina?
Yes! Isn't it beautiful?
It's a wonderful work of art,
I think my favourite, actually,
It's a wonderful work of art,
I think my favourite, actually,
where about 70 vulvas
are cast in stone. Yes.
where about 70 vulvas
are cast in stone. Yes.
Do you know what, Tom?
If somebody had asked me to
guess your favourite work of art,
If somebody had asked me to
guess your favourite work of art,
that would not have been...!
LAUGHTER
You know, I think it's curious,
I think it's because
You know, I think it's curious,
I think it's because
I'm so familiar with the other,
I want to see it. Mm-hmm.
I'm so familiar with the other,
I want to see it. Mm-hmm.
Just, he keeps on giving!
Do you know, whenever...
Like, cos as women, we get our bits
looked at all the time, don't we?
Like, cos as women, we get our bits
looked at all the time, don't we?
Like, nurses, gynaecologists, fuck
it, I'll let the window cleaner have
a look! Everyone.
Like, nurses, gynaecologists, fuck
it, I'll let the window cleaner have
a look! Everyone.
LAUGHTER
Every time a nurse or a
gynaecologist has looked at my bits,
Every time a nurse or a
gynaecologist has looked at my bits,
they've told me
I've got a lovely cervix.
they've told me
I've got a lovely cervix.
I don't know what that means,
but I do know that in my life,
I don't know what that means,
but I do know that in my life,
I've been told my cervix is lovely
way more than I've been told
my face is.
way more than I've been told
my face is.
Do they say that?
"That's a lovely one. You could
eat your dinner off that!"
"That's a lovely one. You could
eat your dinner off that!"
I think it just means that
it's got good blood flow
I think it just means that
it's got good blood flow
and it's sort of shiny.
I used to be a nurse.
You can tell, can't you?
I used to be a nurse.
You can tell, can't you?
You used to be a nurse?
Yeah. Wow. Yeah.
You used to be a nurse?
Yeah. Wow. Yeah.
I didn't know that. How fascinating.
Have you seen
a lot of... a lot of them, then?
Have you seen
a lot of... a lot of them, then?
Quite a lot, yeah. The most
disturbing thing I've ever seen is,
Quite a lot, yeah. The most
disturbing thing I've ever seen is,
it can happen sometimes, when people
get old,
it can happen sometimes, when people
get old,
things get a little
bit... change place... I...
things get a little
bit... change place... I...
I've seen a woman shit out
of her vagina, that's what...
I've seen a woman shit out
of her vagina, that's what...
Oh!
Oh!
Katherine Ryan!
Look, they got what they paid for.
Look, they got what they paid for.
That wins.
That's worse than smelly helmet.
That wins.
That's worse than smelly helmet.
LAUGHTER
LAUGHTER
Funny story,
that's how it got smelly!
Funny story,
that's how it got smelly!
LAUGHTER AND GROANS
PAISLEY: Are you serious?!
I thank you.
PAISLEY: Are you serious?!
I thank you.
APPLAUSE
A new low!
What's the worst thing that's ever
happened to you on a date, Tom?
What's the worst thing that's ever
happened to you on a date, Tom?
Oh! I went to a Damien Hirst
exhibition... Right... with a date.
Oh! I went to a Damien Hirst
exhibition... Right... with a date.
Oh! I went to a Damien Hirst
exhibition... Right... with a date.
OK. And he wouldn't go in
the butterfly room.
OK. And he wouldn't go in
the butterfly room.
Is that a euphemism, Tom? No, no!
LAUGHTER
No, it was this beautiful,
capacious room with sugared walls,
No, it was this beautiful,
capacious room with sugared walls,
and the butterflies were
flying all around us,
and the butterflies were
flying all around us,
and he darted out in acute fear!
and he darted out in acute fear!
Do you know, I went on a date
once with this guy
and he had a laugh like
the Count from Sesame Street.
and he had a laugh like
the Count from Sesame Street.
LOW, STACCATO LAUGH:
"Ha, ha, ha."
I thought, can't have that,
that would drive me mad!
I thought, can't have that,
that would drive me mad!
It's Jimmy!
APPLAUSE
You know what...? It's very
different to yours, Jimmy!
You know what...? It's very
different to yours, Jimmy!
You know what show you're on, right?
I don't normally go on dates dates,
I don't normally go on dates dates,
I just sort of start
sleeping with my friends.
I just sort of start
sleeping with my friends.
But if a waiter or a hotel concierge
calls that man Mr Ryan,
But if a waiter or a hotel concierge
calls that man Mr Ryan,
But if a waiter or a hotel concierge
calls that man Mr Ryan,
I'm just like, "Oh!"
I just start packing his bags
right then and there.
I just start packing his bags
right then and there.
They call him Mr Ryan
because obviously,
that's the reservation,
that's the credit card.
that's the reservation,
that's the credit card.
He's fine with me paying
for everything,
but as soon as the waiter
calls him Mr Ryan,
I know he's out in three weeks.
So now, I've set my Tinder
parameters
So now, I've set my Tinder
parameters
to only guys called Mr Ryan.
to only guys called Mr Ryan.
APPLAUSE
APPLAUSE
Already called that!
OK, let's get some answers on this.
So, biggest turn-off on a date?
Well, I had someone burp at me
on a date once.
Well, I had someone burp at me
on a date once.
What, as he leant in for a kiss,
or just...?
What, as he leant in for a kiss,
or just...?
No, he just wanted to be rude to me,
so he burped at me.
Like, he slurped a drink...
so he burped at me.
Like, he slurped a drink...
IMITATES LOUD SLURPING
..leaned back, and went...
IMITATES LOUD BURP
Yeah, so I think the
biggest turn-off on a date
Yeah, so I think the
biggest turn-off on a date
is probably manners.
Rudeness?
Well, it's a kind of rudeness.
What's causing the rudeness?
Well, it's a kind of rudeness.
What's causing the rudeness?
Oh! Drink! Getting drunk!
Being pissed! Getting drunk on a
date.
Oh! Drink! Getting drunk!
Being pissed! Getting drunk on a
date.
That is the right answer, yeah. Oh!
That is the right answer, yeah. Oh!
APPLAUSE
Yes, the biggest turn-off on a date
is arriving drunk.
Yes, the biggest turn-off on a date
is arriving drunk.
In my experience, the biggest
turn-off on a date is
In my experience, the biggest
turn-off on a date is
when you get back to hers and
you can't wait to get her upstairs
when you get back to hers and
you can't wait to get her upstairs
but then it takes ages in the
standard stairlift.
but then it takes ages in the
standard stairlift.
Really kills the mood.
LAUGHTER
OK, one more question.
BUZZER
I was dating someone
who got a tattoo
I was dating someone
who got a tattoo
of a girl he was cheating on me
with, while we were still together.
of a girl he was cheating on me
with, while we were still together.
Genuinely!
And when did you get suspicious?
Genuinely!
And when did you get suspicious?
LAUGHTER
He said, "This is symbolic of
the type of girls I used to date,
He said, "This is symbolic of
the type of girls I used to date,
He said, "This is symbolic of
the type of girls I used to date,
"and I'm not shagging any of them
any more because I'm with you."
"and I'm not shagging any of them
any more because I'm with you."
I used to live a sad life.
It is the worst tattoo
when a guy you're dating
It is the worst tattoo
when a guy you're dating
gets a girl he's cheating on you
with tattooed on his arm
gets a girl he's cheating on you
with tattooed on his arm
while he's still dating you!
It's not, but it's the most
tragic story.
It's not, but it's the most
tragic story.
Congratulations,
you're through to judges' houses!
Congratulations,
you're through to judges' houses!
LAUGHTER
What's the worst thing, Paisley,
you've seen on Tattoo Fixers?
What's the worst thing, Paisley,
you've seen on Tattoo Fixers?
It's really, really bad.
It's really, really bad.
We've had a flying vagina before,
so... A what, sorry?
We've had a flying vagina before,
so... A what, sorry?
Tom, you would have loved it!
A flying vagina.
A flying vagina. Yeah, so...
I've never seen one of those. Yeah.
A flying vagina. Yeah, so...
I've never seen one of those. Yeah.
Neither had I, up until that point!
There are female pilots, now,
Jimmy, actually.
There are female pilots, now,
Jimmy, actually.
LAUGHTER
And this was a tattoo
of a black box, was it?
And this was a tattoo
of a black box, was it?
APPLAUSE
APPLAUSE
Am I the only tattooed person here?
I've got three.
Am I the only tattooed person here?
I've got three.
TOM: I'm a blank canvas.
You're a blank canvas? Yes.
And sometimes, if I have a
potential lover and they say,
And sometimes, if I have a
potential lover and they say,
"Have you got a tattoo?"
I say, "Yes, it's tiny,
see if you can find it." Oh! Oh!
I say, "Yes, it's tiny,
see if you can find it." Oh! Oh!
LAUGHTER
I often say, "It's tiny, see
if you can find it," but not...
I often say, "It's tiny, see
if you can find it," but not...
LAUGHTER
LAUGHTER
APPLAUSE
APPLAUSE
Lloyd, worst tattoo you could get?
Like, a lot of people get their
heroes on their body, don't they?
Like, a lot of people get their
heroes on their body, don't they?
So there's a lot of people
knocking about
with Michael Jackson tattoos,
now, aren't they?
with Michael Jackson tattoos,
now, aren't they?
Well, you've tripped over the
right answer, there, I think.
Well, you've tripped over the
right answer, there, I think.
Paedophiles?
LAUGHTER
No, the worst thing to have
tattooed on your body is...
No, the worst thing to have
tattooed on your body is...
Celebrities!
That's the right answer! Oh!
Celebrities!
That's the right answer! Oh!
APPLAUSE
Yes, the worst thing to have
tattooed is a celebrity's face.
Yes, the worst thing to have
tattooed is a celebrity's face.
KLAXON
Well, that sound tells me it's
the end of the round
and the end of the show,
which means the final scores are
and the end of the show,
which means the final scores are
Rob, Paisley and Lloyd
have two points,
Katherine, Tom and Angela are
the winners with four points!
Katherine, Tom and Angela are
the winners with four points!
APPLAUSE
Thanks to all our panellists,
our wonderful studio audience
Thanks to all our panellists,
our wonderful studio audience
and to all of you watching at home.
That's it from us. Goodnight.
and to all of you watching at home.
That's it from us. Goodnight.
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
strong language and adult humour
This programme contains
strong language and adult humour
This programme contains
strong language and adult humour
This programme contains
strong language and adult humour
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
Tonight on 8 out of 10 Cats,
Tonight on 8 out of 10 Cats,
give her a good reception.
It's Paisley Billings.
give her a good reception.
It's Paisley Billings.
He's a stand-up guy -
it's Lloyd Griffith.
He's a stand-up guy -
it's Lloyd Griffith.
And Rob Beckett, their team captain.
And Rob Beckett, their team captain.
And facing them tonight,
from Celebs Go Dating,
it's Tom Read Wilson.
from Celebs Go Dating,
it's Tom Read Wilson.
She's got funny Barnes.
It's Angela Barnes.
She's got funny Barnes.
It's Angela Barnes.
She's got funny Barnes.
It's Angela Barnes.
And Katherine Ryan,
their guest team captain.
And Katherine Ryan,
their guest team captain.
Now, welcome your host,
Now, welcome your host,
Jimmy Carr!
Jimmy Carr!
Jimmy Carr!
CHEERING
Hello and welcome
to 8 out 10 Cats,
a show about opinion polls,
surveys and statistics.
a show about opinion polls,
surveys and statistics.
Did you know, for example,
one in three Brits have got BO?
Did you know, for example,
one in three Brits have got BO?
So have a look at
the person on your left,
and have a look at
the person on your right,
and if there's no-one there
because you stink, it's you.
and if there's no-one there
because you stink, it's you.
Only 5% of people wash their hands
correctly after using the toilet.
Only 5% of people wash their hands
correctly after using the toilet.
I do, although I find it
quite hard to work up a good lather
I do, although I find it
quite hard to work up a good lather
with those urinal cakes.
And one in three Brits don't know
why we celebrate Easter.
And one in three Brits don't know
why we celebrate Easter.
Well, it's to celebrate Jesus
hatching from a chocolate egg
laid by the Easter Bunny.
hatching from a chocolate egg
laid by the Easter Bunny.
And also, double
bank holiday bonanza. Thanks, Jesus!
And also, double
bank holiday bonanza. Thanks, Jesus!
Right, let's get started.
APPLAUSE
APPLAUSE
What Are You Talking About?
That's the name of our first round.
What Are You Talking About?
That's the name of our first round.
It's our panellists' job to guess
the British public's top three
It's our panellists' job to guess
the British public's top three
most popular talking points.
Rob's team, what do you think
most popular talking points.
Rob's team, what do you think
the nation have been
talking about this week?
the nation have been
talking about this week?
Is it the return of Game of Thrones?
First episode was this week.
Is it the return of Game of Thrones?
First episode was this week.
Oh, this was huge. Did you watch it?
Yeah, I'm a big fan of it.
I'll be honest with you,
I've got no idea what's happening.
I'll be honest with you,
I've got no idea what's happening.
I didn't know what was going on.
Have you watched
the previous ones, though? No. OK.
Have you watched
the previous ones, though? No. OK.
I found that saying, "I've never
seen Game of Thrones" this week
I found that saying, "I've never
seen Game of Thrones" this week
on Twitter became the new
announcing that you're a vegan
on Twitter became the new
announcing that you're a vegan
and everyone just,
"I've never seen any of it"
and everyone just,
"I've never seen any of it"
and that was me as well,
so I watched it,
and that was me as well,
so I watched it,
and I've learned that it's a story
of seven kingdoms and they all have
and I've learned that it's a story
of seven kingdoms and they all have
rulers and this Jon character, he
fancied the blonde one and he wanted
rulers and this Jon character, he
fancied the blonde one and he wanted
rulers and this Jon character, he
fancied the blonde one and he wanted
to be with her so
they could have a stronger kingdom.
to be with her so
they could have a stronger kingdom.
She made him bow to her,
it was a real Beyonce move,
She made him bow to her,
it was a real Beyonce move,
and then he was turned on by that.
They're now dating and
he has the power of her dragons
They're now dating and
he has the power of her dragons
and they're together trying to
rule the seven kingdoms
and they're together trying to
rule the seven kingdoms
and there's violence
and there's incest and nudity
and there's violence
and there's incest and nudity
and that's Game of Thrones
and it's great.
and that's Game of Thrones
and it's great.
APPLAUSE
Paisley, not a fan?
I just don't get it.
I tried to watch the first episode
of Game of Thrones a few times
I tried to watch the first episode
of Game of Thrones a few times
and I just didn't really
get what was going on.
and I just didn't really
get what was going on.
I just don't think it's for me.
I've never watched it.
I've never watched it at all.
I've never watched it.
I've never watched it at all.
Like, it's all dragons,
backstabbing and tits.
Like, it's all dragons,
backstabbing and tits.
I don't need to watch that -
I went to a girls' school.
I don't need to watch that -
I went to a girls' school.
OK, take a look at this dramatic
moment from last week's show,
OK, take a look at this dramatic
moment from last week's show,
when Jon Snow discovers
who he really is.
This is like
the Jeremy Kyle reveal.
This is like
the Jeremy Kyle reveal.
Your mother was Lyanna Stark.
Your mother was Lyanna Stark.
And your father...
And your father...
your real father...
your real father...
was Rhaegar Targaryen.
You've never been a bastard.
You are Aegon Targaryen,
true heir to the Iron Throne.
You are Aegon Targaryen,
true heir to the Iron Throne.
You're the true king.
Aegon Targaryen, sixth of his name,
protector of the realm, all of it.
Aegon Targaryen, sixth of his name,
protector of the realm, all of it.
I think that's my favourite
sentence I've ever seen.
I think that's my favourite
sentence I've ever seen.
"You've never been a bastard!"
It's like an emotional
moment on a northern stag do.
It's like an emotional
moment on a northern stag do.
"Oh, come here,
you lovely big bastard!"
"Oh, come here,
you lovely big bastard!"
It's a curious melange
of Lancastrian and New England,
It's a curious melange
of Lancastrian and New England,
isn't it, their accent?
He makes everything classier.
isn't it, their accent?
He makes everything classier.
It was a bit EastEnders,
that bit, wasn't it?
It was like in EastEnders
where Kat Slater's like,
It was like in EastEnders
where Kat Slater's like,
"You ain't my mum. Yes, I am!"
I think... They should have
played the drums in there,
I think... They should have
played the drums in there,
that would have been much better.
Yeah, yeah. Can we have the drums?
that would have been much better.
Yeah, yeah. Can we have the drums?
Can we find them?
Let's see if it works.
OK, this is how dramatic it was.
OK, this is how dramatic it was.
You're the true king,
Aegon Targaryen, sixth of his name,
Aegon Targaryen, sixth of his name,
protector of the realm, all of it.
EASTENDERS DRUMBEATS
EASTENDERS DRUMBEATS
That works.
OK, let's have a look
and see if it's up there.
OK, let's have a look
and see if it's up there.
Yes, the new series
of Game of Thrones.
Game of Thrones is set in Westeros,
a lawless country full of
poverty, violence and dragons,
a lawless country full of
poverty, violence and dragons,
like an upmarket Wales.
Katherine's team, what do you think
the nation have been
talking about this week?
They've been talking about
Easter and how it's so hot
They've been talking about
Easter and how it's so hot
because what a chocolate egg hunt
needs is heat, you know?
because what a chocolate egg hunt
needs is heat, you know?
I'm excited about the hot weather,
Jimmy, because I'm regularly seen
I'm excited about the hot weather,
Jimmy, because I'm regularly seen
in a bikini in my garden passed out,
but when it's hot out,
fewer people call child services.
but when it's hot out,
fewer people call child services.
See, I'm going to be skinning out,
like, as soon as
the sun comes out...
Skinning out? Skin is out.
Oh, skinning out. Yeah.
Skinning out? Skin is out.
Oh, skinning out. Yeah.
Oh, so sun comes out,
the skin comes out. Yeah.
I've never heard
the expression skinning out.
It's derived from patois,
right? Right.
It's derived from patois,
right? Right.
There's a song,
it's like a popular bashment song,
There's a song,
it's like a popular bashment song,
and the artist screams,
"Skin out mi pum-pum!"
and the artist screams,
"Skin out mi pum-pum!"
basically meaning she's
going to get her genitals out,
basically meaning she's
going to get her genitals out,
and I don't mean it like that,
I just mean
I'm going to be skinning out,
not skinning out my pum-pum,
just skinning out.
not skinning out my pum-pum,
just skinning out.
Thank God, because I misunderstood,
I thought
you were skinning out your pum-pum.
I thought
you were skinning out your pum-pum.
You know me,
I'm old school like that.
You know me,
I'm old school like that.
I can't imagine you
in a heatwave, Jimmy.
I can't imagine you
in a heatwave, Jimmy.
Actually, if you wore shorts,
you'd be, like...
Actually, if you wore shorts,
you'd be, like...
proper smart shorts, like you was
a Victorian boarding school boy...
proper smart shorts, like you was
a Victorian boarding school boy...
I would say,
I look like a 1930s boxer in shorts.
I would say,
I look like a 1930s boxer in shorts.
I would say,
I look like a 1930s boxer in shorts.
Now, you in short, I imagine, looks
like the world's biggest toddler.
Now, you in short, I imagine, looks
like the world's biggest toddler.
Yeah.
I'm very thick of calf, as well.
I'm very thick of calf, as well.
Really? I couldn't wear socks
as a kid because I was too fat
Really? I couldn't wear socks
as a kid because I was too fat
and I still... You know this.
Still trying to squeeze that through
under the radar there.
Still trying to squeeze that through
under the radar there.
You know when
you're too fat for socks?
You know when
you're too fat for socks?
To be fair, if we're doing
thick legs, I'm just a warm-up act
To be fair, if we're doing
thick legs, I'm just a warm-up act
for what this boy's got under here.
for what this boy's got under here.
Let's see how thick these legs are.
They are quite chunky!
Let's see how thick these legs are.
They are quite chunky!
On the desk, on the desk or we can't
see it. All right, go on, Lloyd!
On the desk, on the desk or we can't
see it. All right, go on, Lloyd!
Go on, let's...
Whoa! I'm scared!
It's knobbly! Look at that calf!
APPLAUSE
Wow, you're so lithe.
You can't even get that back.
Wow, you're so lithe.
You can't even get that back.
Wow, you're so lithe.
You can't even get that back.
I can't get it down. Has anyone
any Vaseline and a shoehorn?
I can't get it down. Has anyone
any Vaseline and a shoehorn?
Did you do anything at Easter, Tom?
Did you do anything at Easter, Tom?
I'm going to Stirling
for a ramble.
What?
What's a ramble, Tom?
A ramble's like a lovely
extended walk in the countryside
A ramble's like a lovely
extended walk in the countryside
with vistas for days. I adore it.
with vistas for days. I adore it.
That's your real voice, isn't it?
Where are you rambling?
That's your real voice, isn't it?
Where are you rambling?
I'm afraid so.
Where's he from?
No, where are you rambling?
Where's he from?
No, where are you rambling?
Where's he from?
He's from the olden days.
Where's he from?
He's from the olden days.
I think he's from Downton Abbey.
I think he's upstairs
but I'm not sure.
I think he's upstairs
but I'm not sure.
Rob, what does Easter mean to you?
So let me...
This is what happens, yeah?
Easter, he died on the Friday...
Yeah. Came back on Sunday... Yeah.
Easter, he died on the Friday...
Yeah. Came back on Sunday... Yeah.
Took her for a drink on Tuesday...
Took her for a drink on Tuesday...
making love by Wednesday, Thursday,
Friday, chilled on Saturday.
making love by Wednesday, Thursday,
Friday, chilled on Saturday.
Yeah, near enough.
It makes more sense than a bunny,
doesn't it?
It makes more sense than a bunny,
doesn't it?
Yeah, the bunny makes sense
because it's about sex.
Yeah, the bunny makes sense
because it's about sex.
It's a very sexual holiday. Is it?
It's a very sexual holiday. Is it?
Fertility,
that's why it's eggs, rabbits,
Fertility,
that's why it's eggs, rabbits,
they're very prolific fornicators.
It's a sex holiday that
we've somehow attached to, like,
It's a sex holiday that
we've somehow attached to, like,
candy and chocolate to lure
children in. I don't like it.
candy and chocolate to lure
children in. I don't like it.
You see, in our house, my dad ran
a sex shop for a living... Nice.
You see, in our house, my dad ran
a sex shop for a living... Nice.
So we used to get
chocolate nipples at Easter.
So we used to get
chocolate nipples at Easter.
It was a proper seedy one.
It did have a section on dwarf porn
It did have a section on dwarf porn
but he put it on
a really tall shelf,
which I always thought
was a mistake.
which I always thought
was a mistake.
Did you work there as a kid?
Not as a kid, no!
Did you work there as a kid?
Not as a kid, no!
He didn't take me to
Take your Daughter to Work Day.
He didn't take me to
Take your Daughter to Work Day.
"What did you do?"
"Dildo stock-take with my dad." No.
"What did you do?"
"Dildo stock-take with my dad." No.
I actually, I don't like Easter
because I am a choirboy
as well as a comedian
because I am a choirboy
as well as a comedian
and so I'm just working
the whole time
and people go, "Oh,
yeah, it's just Easter Sunday"
and people go, "Oh,
yeah, it's just Easter Sunday"
but you've got Maundy Thursday,
Good Friday, Saturday with midnight
mass and then obviously the big day,
Good Friday, Saturday with midnight
mass and then obviously the big day,
Easter Sunday with three services.
I'm not even getting
double bubble for it.
I'm not even getting
double bubble for it.
Whoa, whoa, whoa. Go on, son.
What do you mean, you're a choirboy?
Whoa, whoa, whoa. Go on, son.
What do you mean, you're a choirboy?
I'm a choir... man, a choirlad.
What's the big hit at Easter?
What's the big song at Easter?
What's the big hit at Easter?
What's the big song at Easter?
When I Survey
the Wondrous Cross, I guess.
Come on, give us...
I've got the lyrics.
HE CLEARS HIS THROAT
# When I survey the wondrous cross
# When I survey the wondrous cross
# When I survey the wondrous cross
# On which
the Prince of Glory died... #
# On which
the Prince of Glory died... #
# On which
the Prince of Glory died... #
# On which
the Prince of Glory died... #
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
That made my knees buckle.
It oscillated through the desk.
Get them out on the desk.
Come on, let's see your knees.
Get them out on the desk.
Come on, let's see your knees.
My knees, they buckle. Do they?
My knees, they buckle. Do they?
Liked it.
Those are some calves!
OK, Easter egg hunts can be
dangerous. Take a look at this.
OK, Easter egg hunts can be
dangerous. Take a look at this.
Ruairi, let's see you throw it!
Ruairi, let's see you throw it!
Is that the mummy egg?
Let's see you throw it.
Is that the mummy egg?
Let's see you throw it.
Oh! Oh...
Yes!
APPLAUSE
That was brutal.
That was brutal.
I was actually on a night out once.
This was when I was single,
I was actually on a night out once.
This was when I was single,
I was actually on a night out once.
This was when I was single,
and I met this girl and then we were
walking to the bus stop together
and I met this girl and then we were
walking to the bus stop together
and we stopped at the side
of the road for like, I kiss,
and we stopped at the side
of the road for like, I kiss,
while I was waiting for the bus
and as I lent in to kiss her,
a car drove past and egged her.
And... she just
had egg all over her face.
And... she just
had egg all over her face.
Are you sure that's what happened?
A car did it. Darling, I got
egged in Stockwell, you know.
A car did it. Darling, I got
egged in Stockwell, you know.
You got egged in Stockwell? Yes,
from behind. It was like a missile.
You got egged in Stockwell? Yes,
from behind. It was like a missile.
I'm not buying any of this.
I was so cross, I turned to them
and I went,
I was so cross, I turned to them
and I went,
"I bet it's not even free-range!"
"I bet it's not even free-range!"
APPLAUSE
Let's have a look and see
if Easter is up there.
Let's have a look and see
if Easter is up there.
Yes, it's Easter.
The reason we celebrate Easter
is because 2,000 years ago
The reason we celebrate Easter
is because 2,000 years ago
a man walked on water, got crucified
and then rose from the dead.
a man walked on water, got crucified
and then rose from the dead.
You couldn't make it up.
Oh, no, wait, they did.
That's it for part one.
See you after the break.
That's it for part one.
See you after the break.
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
Welcome back to 8 Out Of 10 Cats,
where we're still trying to guess
Welcome back to 8 Out Of 10 Cats,
where we're still trying to guess
the nation's most popular
talking points.
OK, fingers on buzzers.
BUZZER
Rob, what do you think the
nation have been talking about?
Rob, what do you think the
nation have been talking about?
Is it Julian Assange?
Oh! I do like that name.
I like saying it - Assange.
I like saying it - Assange.
Basically, he's been arrested,
he's been removed from
the Ecuadorian embassy.
he's been removed from
the Ecuadorian embassy.
They had to get rid of him.
Imagine, like, getting a job
at the embassy
Imagine, like, getting a job
at the embassy
and it's your first day
and they're like,
"OK, so there's a photocopier there,
that's the kitchen.
"OK, so there's a photocopier there,
that's the kitchen.
"Oh, yeah, see that bloke there?
"Don't worry about him, he's
just rubbing shit on the walls
"Don't worry about him, he's
just rubbing shit on the walls
"and been accused of sexual assault.
"He lives here, it's fine,
it's fine..."
"He lives here, it's fine,
it's fine..."
Didn't he also...? Wasn't
he hiding in there for seven years
Didn't he also...? Wasn't
he hiding in there for seven years
to escape a five-year jail sentence?
to escape a five-year jail sentence?
That's not good maths, is it?
That's not good maths, is it?
Yeah, I know. Rolf Harris has been
in and out for noncing in that time.
Yeah, I know. Rolf Harris has been
in and out for noncing in that time.
I'm sorry, if I was trying
to think of something...
I'm sorry, if I was trying
to think of something...
A more south London sentence...
"He's been in and out
for noncing in less time."
"He's been in and out
for noncing in less time."
It's just the facts, innit?
All right, Fagan.
It's just the facts, innit?
All right, Fagan.
KATHERINE: Well, he did dramatically
change his appearance.
KATHERINE: Well, he did dramatically
change his appearance.
I mean, he went in just looking like
a regular, clean-cut date rapist
I mean, he went in just looking like
a regular, clean-cut date rapist
I mean, he went in just looking like
a regular, clean-cut date rapist
and he came out looking like one of
those hiding-in-the-bushes rapists,
and he came out looking like one of
those hiding-in-the-bushes rapists,
and that's a big change.
We won't know if he's a rapist
unless he goes back to Sweden
We won't know if he's a rapist
unless he goes back to Sweden
and faces the charges.
ROB: How bad can a
Swedish prison be?
You have to build a cell yourself,
they just give you
some instructions...
they just give you
some instructions...
"Oh, meatballs again!"
"Oh, meatballs again!"
Well, he's been having fun
in there as well.
Well, he's been having fun
in there as well.
Take a look at this fascinating
and revealing CCTV footage
Take a look at this fascinating
and revealing CCTV footage
of Julian Assange passing the time
holed up in the embassy.
of Julian Assange passing the time
holed up in the embassy.
I don't know how we
got this footage,
it's like the Big Brother House.
Yeah! Look at him, look at him go.
it's like the Big Brother House.
Yeah! Look at him, look at him go.
Oh, oh, oh! OK.
I mean, this is after seven years
as well. This is...
I mean, this is after seven years
as well. This is...
Who got him a skateboard?
That's taking the piss.
That's like giving him a sat nav.
Tom, what would you do if you
were trapped in a house
Tom, what would you do if you
were trapped in a house
for seven years?
Tapestries take a long time.
for seven years?
Tapestries take a long time.
You'd do a tapestry.
I'd do a tapestry.
You'd do a tapestry.
I'd do a tapestry.
What year are you from?!
Paisley, if you were stuck in there,
if you were inside a house for
seven years, what would you do?
if you were inside a house for
seven years, what would you do?
Do you know what? I'd probably be
smearing my shit on the walls too.
Do you know what? I'd probably be
smearing my shit on the walls too.
Seven years!
Seven years, and you're
just stuck in there. Yeah.
Seven years, and you're
just stuck in there. Yeah.
Knowing that I can't leave,
I reckon I would sort of start
decorating. Decorating!
I reckon I would sort of start
decorating. Decorating!
I reckon I would sort of start
decorating. Decorating!
KATHERINE: What do you think's
going to happen to him now, Jimmy?
KATHERINE: What do you think's
going to happen to him now, Jimmy?
Cos Donald Trump doesn't even
know what WikiLeaks is.
Cos Donald Trump doesn't even
know what WikiLeaks is.
Well, he does and he doesn't.
You said he doesn't.
Well, he does and he doesn't.
You said he doesn't.
Well, he said he doesn't,
but I think he might know
what WikiLeaks is because
but I think he might know
what WikiLeaks is because
sometimes he says a lot
about WikiLeaks
sometimes he says a lot
about WikiLeaks
and sometimes he pretends he doesn't
know what it is. Have a look.
and sometimes he pretends he doesn't
know what it is. Have a look.
WikiLeaks, I love WikiLeaks.
CHEERING
WikiLeaks, I love WikiLeaks.
CHEERING
WikiLeaks, oh, WikiLeaks.
WikiLeaks, oh, WikiLeaks.
WikiLeaks... WikiLeaks...
WikiLeaks...
WikiLeaks... WikiLeaks...
WikiLeaks...
WikiLeaks... WikiLeaks, right?
WikiLeaks... WikiLeaks...
Boy, that WikiLeaks has done
a job on her, hasn't it?
Boy, that WikiLeaks has done
a job on her, hasn't it?
I know nothing about WikiLeaks.
The thing is, you know he's evil,
The thing is, you know he's evil,
but you quite like him
after that, don't you?
but you quite like him
after that, don't you?
Do you think while
Assange was in there,
Do you think while
Assange was in there,
like, obviously, they took
his Wi-Fi away, didn't they,
like, obviously, they took
his Wi-Fi away, didn't they,
so he couldn't get involved
in any of that?
so he couldn't get involved
in any of that?
And I wonder if he needed to get
his whistle-blowing fix,
And I wonder if he needed to get
his whistle-blowing fix,
if he was, like, leaving Post-it
notes on the fridge, like,
"It was Barbara
who stole your milk, Dave."
"It was Barbara
who stole your milk, Dave."
You've really nailed those
Ecuadorian names.
You've really nailed those
Ecuadorian names.
Barbara and Dave, you know,
the Ecuadorians.
Barbara and Dave, you know,
the Ecuadorians.
OK, I can tell you
Julian Assange is not up there.
OK, I can tell you
Julian Assange is not up there.
But the Ecuadoran embassy was
sad to see Julian Assange go
But the Ecuadoran embassy was
sad to see Julian Assange go
because it proved quite handy
to have someone there
because it proved quite handy
to have someone there
over the weekends
to sign for packages.
over the weekends
to sign for packages.
All right, fingers on buzzers,
what else?
BUZZER
Katherine Ryan, what have
people been talking about?
Is it Kim, the most
important Kardashian,
training to have
an actual law degree?
training to have
an actual law degree?
I want my solicitor to have a
sex tape, and to have been robbed,
I want my solicitor to have a
sex tape, and to have been robbed,
and to be married to Kanye West.
and to be married to Kanye West.
You know, that's someone who knows
the legal system in and out.
You know, that's someone who knows
the legal system in and out.
And it just goes to show that a
mother will do absolutely anything
And it just goes to show that a
mother will do absolutely anything
in the world to look busy
in front of the nanny.
in the world to look busy
in front of the nanny.
You've got Judge Judy... Yep.
..you've got Judge Rinder,
You've got Judge Judy... Yep.
..you've got Judge Rinder,
they're both now reality stars,
why not have some traffic
going the other way?
why not have some traffic
going the other way?
That's why she's doing it. No...
That's why she's doing it!
Yeah, that's it, Paisley.
That's why she's doing it!
Yeah, that's it, Paisley.
She wants to be on TV more!
Yeah, she just wants to be famous.
She wants to be on TV more!
Yeah, she just wants to be famous.
She's just a wannabe, the
most famous wannabe in the world.
She's just a wannabe, the
most famous wannabe in the world.
You've sniffed her out,
Paisley, well done.
You've sniffed her out,
Paisley, well done.
ROB: I think she'll
be a great lawyer.
She's been getting
blokes off for years.
She's been getting
blokes off for years.
LLOYD: The course that she's doing,
it's a multiple choice,
LLOYD: The course that she's doing,
it's a multiple choice,
the exams are multiple choice
and that's just a questionnaire,
isn't it, do you know what I mean?
and that's just a questionnaire,
isn't it, do you know what I mean?
"Is murder - A, bad,
B, frowned upon,
"Is murder - A, bad,
B, frowned upon,
"or C, so in this season?"
"or C, so in this season?"
What's, er...? I don't want to...
What's, er...? I don't want to...
Erm... Her arse.
It keeps growing, doesn't it?
KATHERINE: Yes. ROB: Is that...?
It keeps growing, doesn't it?
KATHERINE: Yes. ROB: Is that...?
What's happening there?
KATHERINE: That, Rob,
is fat grafting.
KATHERINE: That, Rob,
is fat grafting.
So a doctor will go in
and lipo any extra fat
So a doctor will go in
and lipo any extra fat
that you have from your body
and harvest all those fat cells
that you have from your body
and harvest all those fat cells
and put it in your bum.
You love Kim, right?
I really do.
I like Kim Kardashian but,
and it's a big BUT...
APPLAUSE
APPLAUSE
Fine.
Well, I can tell you Kim Kardashian
training to be a lawyer
Well, I can tell you Kim Kardashian
training to be a lawyer
is not up there. OK, what else have
people been talking about? Buzz in.
is not up there. OK, what else have
people been talking about? Buzz in.
BUZZER
Go on. What have you got?
BUZZER
Go on. What have you got?
Is it Notre Dame burning? Oh...
Is it Notre Dame burning? Oh...
I happen to know... Yeah.
..you were in France last week.
I happen to know... Yeah.
..you were in France last week.
Yes, I was in Paris
and I smoked one blunt
under the spire...
and I smoked one blunt
under the spire...
and I smoked one blunt
under the spire...
..it's not my fault
they don't have ashtrays.
..it's not my fault
they don't have ashtrays.
I sang there when I was 12.
You did! I did.
What did you sing?
I sang the Cantique de Jean Racine.
I sang the Cantique de Jean Racine.
By Faure? Yes, by Faure.
Yeah, it's a great song. Yes.
All right...
Yeah, it's a great song. Yes.
All right...
Were you also a choir boy?
I was. Oh, for fuck's sake.
Were you also a choir boy?
I was. Oh, for fuck's sake.
Oh, and you've sung in... you've sung
in better places than Lloyd?
Oh, and you've sung in... you've sung
in better places than Lloyd?
I've sung there. This is amazing!
No, he hasn't.
I've sung there. This is amazing!
No, he hasn't.
No, but I haven't got pipes like
that. I haven't got...
No, but I haven't got pipes like
that. I haven't got...
Where have you sang? Everywhere.
Name a cathedral and
I've sang in it.
Ooh. This is quite exciting but
pathetic. St Paul's.
Ooh. This is quite exciting but
pathetic. St Paul's.
Yeah, I've sung there, mate,
three times.
Yeah, I've sung there, mate,
three times.
It's the weirdest kind of...
ROB LAUGHS
It's the weirdest kind of...
ROB LAUGHS
It's so... It's laddy on one level.
It's so... It's laddy on one level.
Yeah, it is, yeah.
"Oh, St Paul's? Yeah,
I've sang in that, yeah."
"Oh, St Paul's? Yeah,
I've sang in that, yeah."
I absolutely love cathedrals,
like, it's my thing.
I absolutely love cathedrals,
like, it's my thing.
Genuinely to the point where if
you name any English cathedral,
Genuinely to the point where if
you name any English cathedral,
I can tell you a fact about it.
Don't do that again. York Minster.
I can tell you a fact about it.
Don't do that again. York Minster.
York Minster, it's a minster,
not a cathedral.
HE CHUCKLES
OK. Cool, erm...
HE CHUCKLES
OK. Cool, erm...
What's the difference between
a minster and a cathedral?
What's the difference between
a minster and a cathedral?
Very good question.
What about Exeter? Exeter.
All right, Exeter,
What about Exeter? Exeter.
All right, Exeter,
it's got two towers either side,
it's got no tower or spire in the
middle which means the bit of wood
it's got no tower or spire in the
middle which means the bit of wood
that goes from the east end
to the west end
is actually the largest bit
of wood in England.
Well, second-largest, wha-hey-hey!
APPLAUSE
APPLAUSE
There's going to be someone
out there,
a lot of people watch this show,
there's going to be someone out
a lot of people watch this show,
there's going to be someone out
there that like cathedrals
and lads and in that Venn diagram,
there that like cathedrals
and lads and in that Venn diagram,
they've just hit the
fucking jackpot with you.
they've just hit the
fucking jackpot with you.
And hopefully it'll be a lady
cos I am lonely.
And hopefully it'll be a lady
cos I am lonely.
ANGELA: Did you see Donald Trump
said that they should fight the
fire with flying water tankers? Mm.
said that they should fight the
fire with flying water tankers? Mm.
Does he mean clouds? He also...
LAUGHTER
LAUGHTER
He said flying water tankers,
then he went, "And they better
be quick as well."
then he went, "And they better
be quick as well."
OK, we'll get right on that, then.
OK, we'll get right on that, then.
Those things that we don't
have that around here.
Those things that we don't
have that around here.
It's not actually that bad though
because all the really important
stuff survived, I think.
because all the really important
stuff survived, I think.
So it's a bit like
if Bluewater burnt down,
So it's a bit like
if Bluewater burnt down,
but House of Fraser, John Lewis
and Marks & Spencer survived,
but House of Fraser, John Lewis
and Marks & Spencer survived,
I would be OK with Lush going.
I would be OK with Lush going.
APPLAUSE
APPLAUSE
Wouldn't it? You wouldn't
be bothered.
Wouldn't it? You wouldn't
be bothered.
KATHERINE: They're going to be fine,
they've had loads of donations,
KATHERINE: They're going to be fine,
they've had loads of donations,
it's going to be be bigger
and better than ever
it's going to be be bigger
and better than ever
and if anyone's on board with
reconstructing old things, it's me.
and if anyone's on board with
reconstructing old things, it's me.
If I thought that Disney
was going to pay for me
If I thought that Disney
was going to pay for me
to have a new pair of tits,
hand me a match right now.
to have a new pair of tits,
hand me a match right now.
Paisley... Yes.
..have you ever been to Paris?
Paisley... Yes.
..have you ever been to Paris?
No, I've never been....
Actually, I went to
Disneyland Paris once
Actually, I went to
Disneyland Paris once
but I don't think
that's actually in Paris,
so, no, not really. And that's
where you got the outfit?
so, no, not really. And that's
where you got the outfit?
APPLAUSE
APPLAUSE
The great thing about Notre Dame
burning down is no-one hurt,
The great thing about Notre Dame
burning down is no-one hurt,
that was the good thing. As soon
as people get hurt, I give a fuck,
that was the good thing. As soon
as people get hurt, I give a fuck,
but... And also all these
Christians are worried
but... And also all these
Christians are worried
about Notre Dame burning down
but it's Easter,
about Notre Dame burning down
but it's Easter,
it'll be back on Monday. Yeah.
it'll be back on Monday. Yeah.
APPLAUSE
Won't it?
Well, a lot of people, Rob...
Well, a lot of people, Rob...
You say that, a lot of people think
they saw Jesus in the flames.
You say that, a lot of people think
they saw Jesus in the flames.
Have a look at this. Oh, God.
A lot of people thought that...
Have a look at this. Oh, God.
A lot of people thought that...
Oh, yeah, they're right,
there he is. Fuck off!
Oh, yeah, they're right,
there he is. Fuck off!
I mean, can anyone see it?
Is anyone...?
All I can see is about £10 million
worth of scaffold.
All I can see is about £10 million
worth of scaffold.
Imagine pricing up
that scaffold job.
Imagine pricing up
that scaffold job.
"I haven't got enough poles."
"I haven't got enough poles."
Also it isn't even that old.
That spire, it was like, "Oh,
my God, history's burning down..."
That spire, it was like, "Oh,
my God, history's burning down..."
It was rebuilt in, like, 1973.
No, no...
It's like... No, it's bollocks,
Lloyd, I'm having it out now,
It's like... No, it's bollocks,
Lloyd, I'm having it out now,
I've had enough of this.
They keep going all this history,
it's like Trigger's broom,
They keep going all this history,
it's like Trigger's broom,
they keep rebuilding it!
they keep rebuilding it!
They've had about 15 spires.
JIMMY LAUGHS
They've had about 15 spires.
JIMMY LAUGHS
He's gone.
Aw. It's like we've turned up
the south London this week somehow.
Aw. It's like we've turned up
the south London this week somehow.
Aw. It's like we've turned up
the south London this week somehow.
"Oh, Notre Dame, think it's old,
do you? Trigger's broom, mate."
"Oh, Notre Dame, think it's old,
do you? Trigger's broom, mate."
"Oh, Notre Dame, think it's old,
do you? Trigger's broom, mate."
"Those stained glass windows? No,
I sold them that double glazing."
"Those stained glass windows? No,
I sold them that double glazing."
OK, let's have a look and
see if Notre Dame is up there.
OK, let's have a look and
see if Notre Dame is up there.
OK, let's have a look and
see if Notre Dame is up there.
Yes, Notre Dame.
APPLAUSE
French President Emmanuel Macron
looked devastated
French President Emmanuel Macron
looked devastated
as he stood next to
the 800-year-old crumbling ruin
as he stood next to
the 800-year-old crumbling ruin
or Mrs Macron, as she prefers
to be known.
or Mrs Macron, as she prefers
to be known.
or Mrs Macron, as she prefers
to be known.
She's a little bit older than him.
25 years.
So, those were the nation's
most talked about things.
So, those were the nation's
most talked about things.
But in other news,
it's been revealed Amazon has been
flooded with fake five-star reviews.
it's been revealed Amazon has been
flooded with fake five-star reviews.
It's not always easy
to spot the fake ones.
It's not always easy
to spot the fake ones.
For years, I thought
Katherine's were real.
For years, I thought
Katherine's were real.
He means my balls.
I love Amazon, it's so convenient
I love Amazon, it's so convenient
to immediately order anything online
with just one click
to immediately order anything online
with just one click
and then wait in all day for it to
arrive, miss the delivery,
and then wait in all day for it to
arrive, miss the delivery,
then have to drive all
the way to the post office,
past the shop you could've bought it
from in the first place.
past the shop you could've bought it
from in the first place.
Basically, hassle-free.
Nigel Farage launched
a new Brexit Party.
Nigel Farage launched
a new Brexit Party.
If you don't know much
about the Brexit Party,
If you don't know much
about the Brexit Party,
it's basically the rubbish,
straight-to-DVD sequel to Ukip.
it's basically the rubbish,
straight-to-DVD sequel to Ukip.
Nigel Farage has a very
distinctive look.
Nigel Farage has a very
distinctive look.
He looks like someone put
Mr Toad in the microwave.
He looks like someone put
Mr Toad in the microwave.
On Wednesday, North Korea tested
a new type of guided missile.
On Wednesday, North Korea tested
a new type of guided missile.
Kim Jong-un is going to end
up in the doghouse,
Kim Jong-un is going to end
up in the doghouse,
which is his favourite
local restaurant.
which is his favourite
local restaurant.
So, at the end of that round,
Rob's team are in the lead.
So, at the end of that round,
Rob's team are in the lead.
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
Time for a special
Easter bonus round now.
Rob, Katherine, join me in the
middle for Egg Roulette.
Rob, Katherine, join me in the
middle for Egg Roulette.
CHEERING
CHEERING
OK, in front of you are seven eggs -
some are raw, some are hard-boiled.
OK, in front of you are seven eggs -
some are raw, some are hard-boiled.
OK, in front of you are seven eggs -
some are raw, some are hard-boiled.
The aim of the game is
to crack as many raw eggs
The aim of the game is
to crack as many raw eggs
on your opponent's head as possible.
Lighting change, please.
Lighting change, please.
Let's play Egg Roulette.
Let's play Egg Roulette.
OK, Katherine, you're up first.
Please select your egg.
OK, Katherine, you're up first.
Please select your egg.
Ideally you want a raw egg here.
Ideally you want a raw egg here.
OK, now... Just be gentle, don't...
All you've got to do is smash
that on Rob's lovely little face.
All you've got to do is smash
that on Rob's lovely little face.
You really can't miss,
it's massive.
You really can't miss,
it's massive.
Where would you like it, Rob?
On the forehead, avoid the eyes and
mouth, the teeth are the moneymaker.
On the forehead, avoid the eyes and
mouth, the teeth are the moneymaker.
Ready? Go.
Ready? Go.
APPLAUSE
OK. You are one-for-one.
OK. You are one-for-one.
Wow.
Quite aggressive, Jimmy. It was
quite aggressive, yeah. OK.
Quite aggressive, Jimmy. It was
quite aggressive, yeah. OK.
OK, I should say, some are raw,
some are hard-boiled,
OK, I should say, some are raw,
some are hard-boiled,
there is one marble egg.
there is one marble egg.
Before I do this, I'd like to say
I am a feminist. OK.
Before I do this, I'd like to say
I am a feminist. OK.
But if you want me to
throw an egg at a woman,
But if you want me to
throw an egg at a woman,
I will have to put that aside. Yeah.
I will have to put that aside. Yeah.
But I suppose pure feminism,
equals ops, innit?
But I suppose pure feminism,
equals ops, innit?
APPLAUSE
APPLAUSE
Oh, no.
Oh, no.
Rob...
Sorry!
You've had worse things
in your hair.
Where did you want it, sorry?
I feel so emotional, Rob, no-one's
ever asked me that before. OK.
I feel so emotional, Rob, no-one's
ever asked me that before. OK.
So, it's... Katherine, your go.
Pick an egg.
So, it's... Katherine, your go.
Pick an egg.
Is it hard-boiled? I can't tell.
Is it hard-boiled? I can't tell.
No, you can't. That's sort of the
game we're playing. Oh, yeah.
No, you can't. That's sort of the
game we're playing. Oh, yeah.
OK, right in the face on this one,
in the face. In the face?
OK, right in the face on this one,
in the face. In the face?
In the face, yeah. Lean over a bit.
Oh, it's... That is hard-boiled.
Oh, it's... That is hard-boiled.
Did that hurt?
Er, no, it was actually
quite pleasant.
Er, no, it was actually
quite pleasant.
It's one-all so far.
So, right in the face. OK.
So, right in the face. OK.
Oh...
Oh...
APPLAUSE
That was soft-boiled!
APPLAUSE
That was soft-boiled!
Jimmy, you've soft-boiled these.
Now, what does that count as?
Is that half a point?
Now, what does that count as?
Is that half a point?
We're going to have
to go to VAR on that.
We're going to have
to go to VAR on that.
OK, all right, so it's 2-1 in
Rob's favour at the moment.
OK, all right, so it's 2-1 in
Rob's favour at the moment.
OK, Katherine, your go.
OK. Ready, spin. OK, OK.
OK, Katherine, your go.
OK. Ready, spin. OK, OK.
Right, here we go.
Oh, hang on. That's got pubes.
OK, right in the face. OK, ready?
OK, right in the face. OK, ready?
Ugh.
APPLAUSE
Ugh.
APPLAUSE
Did it hurt, did it hurt? Erm...
Did it hurt? Quite aggressive,
but fine.
Did it hurt? Quite aggressive,
but fine.
Current score is two-all,
this is the decider.
Current score is two-all,
this is the decider.
OK. She can't see!
OK. Right, ready,
Katherine? Yeah, yeah.
OK. Right, ready,
Katherine? Yeah, yeah.
Ugh!
APPLAUSE
Ugh!
APPLAUSE
Rob is the winner of Egg Roulette.
Rob is the winner of Egg Roulette.
Congratulations, Rob.
Congratulations, Rob.
We're going to clean things up,
see you after the break.
We're going to clean things up,
see you after the break.
This is also soft-boiled!
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
This is also soft-boiled!
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
This is also soft-boiled!
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
Welcome back to 8 Out of 10 Cats.
Our next round is Pick Of The Polls.
Rob, Paisley, Lloyd, what do you
like the look of? What do you think?
Rob, Paisley, Lloyd, what do you
like the look of? What do you think?
The lady singer, she looks happy.
OK. Well, you have got
The lady singer, she looks happy.
OK. Well, you have got
the karaoke singer,
so here is your question...
I mean, I hate karaoke.
It's just too much reading.
I mean, I hate karaoke.
It's just too much reading.
It's like... It's the most
Cockney he's ever been!
It's like... It's the most
Cockney he's ever been!
Little ball's patronising.
I don't know what the words are,
Little ball's patronising.
I don't know what the words are,
but I know it goes that way!
Thing is with karaoke,
no-one really likes it.
Thing is with karaoke,
no-one really likes it.
Because if you're too good,
everyone goes, "Oh, show off."
If you're rubbish, everyone's like,
"You're shit."
If you're rubbish, everyone's like,
"You're shit."
So everyone just likes a mediocre...
"Hey, Paul.
"Come and listen to this guy.
He's absolutely mediocre!"
"Come and listen to this guy.
He's absolutely mediocre!"
If I want to hear
Robbie Williams sung badly,
I'll just go to
a Robbie Williams gig.
ALL: Oh!
ALL: Oh!
Paisley? What's your go-to,
what's your classic?
Paisley? What's your go-to,
what's your classic?
I Want To Dance With Somebody,
Whitney Huston.
I Want To Dance With Somebody,
Whitney Huston.
That's always a good 'un. What's
the big hit with the high note?
That's always a good 'un. What's
the big hit with the high note?
And I Will Always Love You.
Oh, yeah.
When they try
and do that and you go,
"No, do the Dolly Parton version,
you might have a shot."
"No, do the Dolly Parton version,
you might have a shot."
"But the Whitney version,
you're dreaming."
"But the Whitney version,
you're dreaming."
I find that quite funny, though.
The whole build-up and everything.
I find that quite funny, though.
The whole build-up and everything.
And they're like,
# And I... #
Angela, what do you think?
I've never done karaoke.
Angela, what do you think?
I've never done karaoke.
I've never done karaoke? I've never
done it cos I can't sing.
I've never done karaoke? I've never
done it cos I can't sing.
Cos I'm hard of hearing,
wear hearing aids.
Cos I'm hard of hearing,
wear hearing aids.
I mean, it's really bad,
Jimmy, when I sing.
We don't get a harvest,
that's how bad it is.
You wear hearing aids?
I wear hearing aids.
So how do you know
your singing's bad?
Well, I do now
cos I've got a hearing aid.
But people have told me.
So, for years you thought,
"I'm nailing this!" Yes.
So, for years you thought,
"I'm nailing this!" Yes.
Karaoke is not about
being a good singer.
Karaoke is not about
being a good singer.
It's about your perspective lovers
know
It's about your perspective lovers
know
that you are an
attention seeking alcoholic.
that you are an
attention seeking alcoholic.
LAUGHTER
Karaoke is the most beautiful
word. I mean, the origin.
Karaoke is the most beautiful
word. I mean, the origin.
It's a Japanese portmanteau.
It's a Japanese portmanteau.
It's "karappo" and "okesutra"
which means "empty orchestra".
It's "karappo" and "okesutra"
which means "empty orchestra".
It's "karappo" and "okesutra"
which means "empty orchestra".
And so the notion is that you have
to add something yourself,
And so the notion is that you have
to add something yourself,
to complete the music.
Tom, let me ask you,
how are the wife and kids?
DEEP VOICE: They're all right, mate.
APPLAUSE
APPLAUSE
Tom, you studied at the
Royal Academy, didn't you? I did.
Tom, you studied at the
Royal Academy, didn't you? I did.
How did you know that?
It's written down.
You think I'm your stalker.
No, I...
You've addition for
The Voice back in 2016.
You've addition for
The Voice back in 2016.
Let's take a look at a particularly
rousing clip of you singing here.
Let's take a look at a particularly
rousing clip of you singing here.
#..You've got to accentuate
everything that is positive
#..You've got to accentuate
everything that is positive
# Eliminate the slightest
crazy anything that is negative
# Eliminate the slightest
crazy anything that is negative
# Latch on to the affirmative
# Latch on to the affirmative
# Don't mess with Mr In-Between
# Don't mess with Mr In-Between
# No, don't mess with Mr In-Between
# No, don't mess with Mr In-Between
# No, don't mess with Mr In-Between
# No, don't mess with Mr In-Between
# Oh, no,
don't miss with Mr...
# Oh, no,
don't miss with Mr...
# ..In-Between. #
APPLAUSE AND CHEERING
APPLAUSE AND CHEERING
Lloyd, you're a singer, right?
You love karaoke?
Lloyd, you're a singer, right?
You love karaoke?
Yeah, but everyone thinks I'm going
to be really good at it.
Unless the DJ's
got like Mozart's Requiem.
Unless the DJ's
got like Mozart's Requiem.
What's your classic
karaoke go-to?
If I was to, it would be like,
I Will Survive by Gloria Gaynor.
If I was to, it would be like,
I Will Survive by Gloria Gaynor.
Because you are a...?
I'm a strong independent woman.
Go on, give it a go.
If I give you a mic, give it a go.
There's a microphone.
Can you just pass the mic? Oh!
Oh, sorry. Are we doing acting
awards because...?
Oh, sorry. Are we doing acting
awards because...?
Oh, no, there is
a microphone. Oh no!
Oh, no, there is
a microphone. Oh no!
Pass that microphone over, please?
Can you pass that over?
How do you hold it?
Can you pass that over?
How do you hold it?
You don't have to do it
if you don't want to.
No, but it's for showbiz.
Oh!
APPLAUSE
APPLAUSE
OK, so we've got I Will Survive.
Roll the track.
OK, so we've got I Will Survive.
Roll the track.
INTRO BEGINS
INTRO BEGINS
He's just got divorced!
LAUGHTER
# First I was afraid,
I was petrified
# First I was afraid,
I was petrified
# Kept thinking I could never live
without you by my side
# Kept thinking I could never live
without you by my side
# But then I spent
so many nights... # Why is it Welsh?
# But then I spent
so many nights... # Why is it Welsh?
# Thinking how did you did me wrong,
I grew strong
# Thinking how did you did me wrong,
I grew strong
# And I learned how to get along
# And so you're back
# From outer space
# I just walked in to find you here
with that sad look upon your face
# I just walked in to find you here
with that sad look upon your face
# Weren't you the one who tried to
hurt me with goodbye,
# Weren't you the one who tried to
hurt me with goodbye,
# Do you think I'd crumble?
# Do you think I'd crumble?
# Did you think
I would lay down and die?
# Did you think
I would lay down and die?
# Oh, no not I
# I will survive
# I will survive
# As long as I know how to love
I know I'll stay alive
# As long as I know how to love
I know I'll stay alive
# I've got all my life to live,
I've got all my love to give
# I've got all my life to live,
I've got all my love to give
# I will survive
# I will survive
# I will sur-vive! #
# I will sur-vive! #
# I will sur-vive! #
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
Best stag do ever!
Best stag do ever!
You are a very strange man.
Thank you.
Also, the Welsh accent...
Also, the Welsh accent...
Stop eating your feelings.
Stop eating your feelings.
LAUGHTER
LAUGHTER
When you sing, you go so Welsh,
so fast... It's weird, isn't it?
When you sing, you go so Welsh,
so fast... It's weird, isn't it?
Because I'm not Welsh, I'm from
Grimsby.
Which isn't in Wales.
We... Oh, no, don't.
Which isn't in Wales.
We... Oh, no, don't.
Please do, please do. Lloyd did
my tour support when I was on tour.
Please do, please do. Lloyd did
my tour support when I was on tour.
We did a gig in Wales and within
an hour he'd managed to lose the
We did a gig in Wales and within
an hour he'd managed to lose the
crowd immediately with his opening
line and it was the funniest thing.
crowd immediately with his opening
line and it was the funniest thing.
crowd immediately with his opening
line and it was the funniest thing.
He said and they just hated
you immediately.
Hello, my name is Lloyd Griffiths,
I've got a very Welsh name.
Hello, my name is Lloyd Griffiths,
I've got a very Welsh name.
I look Welsh, very fat and hairy,
but I'm not one of you.
I look Welsh, very fat and hairy,
but I'm not one of you.
You opened with that? Yeah.
I nearly died laughing.
The only person who was happy
was Rob backstage.
The only person who was happy
was Rob backstage.
Katherine, what's your,
your karaoke song of choice?
Katherine, what's your,
your karaoke song of choice?
Cos I know you basically learned
all of Cardi B's back catalogue.
Cos I know you basically learned
all of Cardi B's back catalogue.
Cos I know you basically learned
all of Cardi B's back catalogue.
Yeah, I really like hip-hop.
Do you know Cardi B, Tom?
Yeah, I really like hip-hop.
Do you know Cardi B, Tom?
I don't, I'm afraid.
Because he's an auntie of 60 so of
course he doesn't.
Because he's an auntie of 60 so of
course he doesn't.
He's a fan of Cardi-gans.
He's a fan of Cardi-gans.
Sometimes they don't have to be
complicated.
Sometimes they don't have to be
complicated.
I like the one where she goes...
SHE RAPS: I'll be real, man,
I don't need a geezer for nothin'
SHE RAPS: I'll be real, man,
I don't need a geezer for nothin'
I'm lookin' better every day,
I got the Benjamin Button
I'm lookin' better every day,
I got the Benjamin Button
Claiming he don't got a girl,
I know men, they be frontin'
Claiming he don't got a girl,
I know men, they be frontin'
I don't need no bitch coming up
to me as a woman
I don't need no bitch coming up
to me as a woman
Ay, I want something more than
just physical
It's been a while
since I met someone original
It's been a while
since I met someone original
I spend my time drinking
wine in my living room
I spend my time drinking
wine in my living room
All this good pussy can't find
anyone to give it to.
All this good pussy can't find
anyone to give it to.
But I can, though.
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
OK, let's get some marks on this.
So we asked the studio audience...
What do you think?
I think that's false. I think
people like it, don't they?
I think that's false. I think
people like it, don't they?
OK, so you're saying false?
What are you going for?
We think it's true.
OK.
I can tell you the answer is true.
OK.
I can tell you the answer is true.
60% of our audience secretly
hate karaoke.
60% of our audience secretly
hate karaoke.
APPLAUSE
I love karaoke.
It's basically X Factor
I love karaoke.
It's basically X Factor
but for people whose back story is
too tragic even for ITV.
but for people whose back story is
too tragic even for ITV.
So at the end of that round,
it's two points for Rob's team
So at the end of that round,
it's two points for Rob's team
and
two points for Katherine's team.
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
Well, that's it for part three.
See you after the break.
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
Welcome back to 8 Out Of 10 Cats.
And The Winner Is is the name of our
final round. Here's your first one.
And The Winner Is is the name of our
final round. Here's your first one.
BUZZER
Smelly helmet.
I was going to say burping.
That is outrageous!
I was going to say burping.
That is outrageous!
That mime's amazing!
Well, I suppose the equivalent
for boys is disco fanny.
Well, I suppose the equivalent
for boys is disco fanny.
I heard someone describe it
once as being a bit gamey.
I heard someone describe it
once as being a bit gamey.
Gamey?!
Not mine! Not mine!
TOM: Have you ever seen
the Great Wall Of Vagina?
TOM: Have you ever seen
the Great Wall Of Vagina?
Yes! Isn't it beautiful?
It's a wonderful work of art,
I think my favourite, actually,
It's a wonderful work of art,
I think my favourite, actually,
where about 70 vulvas
are cast in stone. Yes.
where about 70 vulvas
are cast in stone. Yes.
Do you know what, Tom?
If somebody had asked me to
guess your favourite work of art,
If somebody had asked me to
guess your favourite work of art,
that would not have been...!
LAUGHTER
You know, I think it's curious,
I think it's because
You know, I think it's curious,
I think it's because
I'm so familiar with the other,
I want to see it. Mm-hmm.
I'm so familiar with the other,
I want to see it. Mm-hmm.
Just, he keeps on giving!
Do you know, whenever...
Like, cos as women, we get our bits
looked at all the time, don't we?
Like, cos as women, we get our bits
looked at all the time, don't we?
Like, nurses, gynaecologists, fuck
it, I'll let the window cleaner have
a look! Everyone.
Like, nurses, gynaecologists, fuck
it, I'll let the window cleaner have
a look! Everyone.
LAUGHTER
Every time a nurse or a
gynaecologist has looked at my bits,
Every time a nurse or a
gynaecologist has looked at my bits,
they've told me
I've got a lovely cervix.
they've told me
I've got a lovely cervix.
I don't know what that means,
but I do know that in my life,
I don't know what that means,
but I do know that in my life,
I've been told my cervix is lovely
way more than I've been told
my face is.
way more than I've been told
my face is.
Do they say that?
"That's a lovely one. You could
eat your dinner off that!"
"That's a lovely one. You could
eat your dinner off that!"
I think it just means that
it's got good blood flow
I think it just means that
it's got good blood flow
and it's sort of shiny.
I used to be a nurse.
You can tell, can't you?
I used to be a nurse.
You can tell, can't you?
You used to be a nurse?
Yeah. Wow. Yeah.
You used to be a nurse?
Yeah. Wow. Yeah.
I didn't know that. How fascinating.
Have you seen
a lot of... a lot of them, then?
Have you seen
a lot of... a lot of them, then?
Quite a lot, yeah. The most
disturbing thing I've ever seen is,
Quite a lot, yeah. The most
disturbing thing I've ever seen is,
it can happen sometimes, when people
get old,
it can happen sometimes, when people
get old,
things get a little
bit... change place... I...
things get a little
bit... change place... I...
I've seen a woman shit out
of her vagina, that's what...
I've seen a woman shit out
of her vagina, that's what...
Oh!
Oh!
Katherine Ryan!
Look, they got what they paid for.
Look, they got what they paid for.
That wins.
That's worse than smelly helmet.
That wins.
That's worse than smelly helmet.
LAUGHTER
LAUGHTER
Funny story,
that's how it got smelly!
Funny story,
that's how it got smelly!
LAUGHTER AND GROANS
PAISLEY: Are you serious?!
I thank you.
PAISLEY: Are you serious?!
I thank you.
APPLAUSE
A new low!
What's the worst thing that's ever
happened to you on a date, Tom?
What's the worst thing that's ever
happened to you on a date, Tom?
Oh! I went to a Damien Hirst
exhibition... Right... with a date.
Oh! I went to a Damien Hirst
exhibition... Right... with a date.
Oh! I went to a Damien Hirst
exhibition... Right... with a date.
OK. And he wouldn't go in
the butterfly room.
OK. And he wouldn't go in
the butterfly room.
Is that a euphemism, Tom? No, no!
LAUGHTER
No, it was this beautiful,
capacious room with sugared walls,
No, it was this beautiful,
capacious room with sugared walls,
and the butterflies were
flying all around us,
and the butterflies were
flying all around us,
and he darted out in acute fear!
and he darted out in acute fear!
Do you know, I went on a date
once with this guy
and he had a laugh like
the Count from Sesame Street.
and he had a laugh like
the Count from Sesame Street.
LOW, STACCATO LAUGH:
"Ha, ha, ha."
I thought, can't have that,
that would drive me mad!
I thought, can't have that,
that would drive me mad!
It's Jimmy!
APPLAUSE
You know what...? It's very
different to yours, Jimmy!
You know what...? It's very
different to yours, Jimmy!
You know what show you're on, right?
I don't normally go on dates dates,
I don't normally go on dates dates,
I just sort of start
sleeping with my friends.
I just sort of start
sleeping with my friends.
But if a waiter or a hotel concierge
calls that man Mr Ryan,
But if a waiter or a hotel concierge
calls that man Mr Ryan,
But if a waiter or a hotel concierge
calls that man Mr Ryan,
I'm just like, "Oh!"
I just start packing his bags
right then and there.
I just start packing his bags
right then and there.
They call him Mr Ryan
because obviously,
that's the reservation,
that's the credit card.
that's the reservation,
that's the credit card.
He's fine with me paying
for everything,
but as soon as the waiter
calls him Mr Ryan,
I know he's out in three weeks.
So now, I've set my Tinder
parameters
So now, I've set my Tinder
parameters
to only guys called Mr Ryan.
to only guys called Mr Ryan.
APPLAUSE
APPLAUSE
Already called that!
OK, let's get some answers on this.
So, biggest turn-off on a date?
Well, I had someone burp at me
on a date once.
Well, I had someone burp at me
on a date once.
What, as he leant in for a kiss,
or just...?
What, as he leant in for a kiss,
or just...?
No, he just wanted to be rude to me,
so he burped at me.
Like, he slurped a drink...
so he burped at me.
Like, he slurped a drink...
IMITATES LOUD SLURPING
..leaned back, and went...
IMITATES LOUD BURP
Yeah, so I think the
biggest turn-off on a date
Yeah, so I think the
biggest turn-off on a date
is probably manners.
Rudeness?
Well, it's a kind of rudeness.
What's causing the rudeness?
Well, it's a kind of rudeness.
What's causing the rudeness?
Oh! Drink! Getting drunk!
Being pissed! Getting drunk on a
date.
Oh! Drink! Getting drunk!
Being pissed! Getting drunk on a
date.
That is the right answer, yeah. Oh!
That is the right answer, yeah. Oh!
APPLAUSE
Yes, the biggest turn-off on a date
is arriving drunk.
Yes, the biggest turn-off on a date
is arriving drunk.
In my experience, the biggest
turn-off on a date is
In my experience, the biggest
turn-off on a date is
when you get back to hers and
you can't wait to get her upstairs
when you get back to hers and
you can't wait to get her upstairs
but then it takes ages in the
standard stairlift.
but then it takes ages in the
standard stairlift.
Really kills the mood.
LAUGHTER
OK, one more question.
BUZZER
I was dating someone
who got a tattoo
I was dating someone
who got a tattoo
of a girl he was cheating on me
with, while we were still together.
of a girl he was cheating on me
with, while we were still together.
Genuinely!
And when did you get suspicious?
Genuinely!
And when did you get suspicious?
LAUGHTER
He said, "This is symbolic of
the type of girls I used to date,
He said, "This is symbolic of
the type of girls I used to date,
He said, "This is symbolic of
the type of girls I used to date,
"and I'm not shagging any of them
any more because I'm with you."
"and I'm not shagging any of them
any more because I'm with you."
I used to live a sad life.
It is the worst tattoo
when a guy you're dating
It is the worst tattoo
when a guy you're dating
gets a girl he's cheating on you
with tattooed on his arm
gets a girl he's cheating on you
with tattooed on his arm
while he's still dating you!
It's not, but it's the most
tragic story.
It's not, but it's the most
tragic story.
Congratulations,
you're through to judges' houses!
Congratulations,
you're through to judges' houses!
LAUGHTER
What's the worst thing, Paisley,
you've seen on Tattoo Fixers?
What's the worst thing, Paisley,
you've seen on Tattoo Fixers?
It's really, really bad.
It's really, really bad.
We've had a flying vagina before,
so... A what, sorry?
We've had a flying vagina before,
so... A what, sorry?
Tom, you would have loved it!
A flying vagina.
A flying vagina. Yeah, so...
I've never seen one of those. Yeah.
A flying vagina. Yeah, so...
I've never seen one of those. Yeah.
Neither had I, up until that point!
There are female pilots, now,
Jimmy, actually.
There are female pilots, now,
Jimmy, actually.
LAUGHTER
And this was a tattoo
of a black box, was it?
And this was a tattoo
of a black box, was it?
APPLAUSE
APPLAUSE
Am I the only tattooed person here?
I've got three.
Am I the only tattooed person here?
I've got three.
TOM: I'm a blank canvas.
You're a blank canvas? Yes.
And sometimes, if I have a
potential lover and they say,
And sometimes, if I have a
potential lover and they say,
"Have you got a tattoo?"
I say, "Yes, it's tiny,
see if you can find it." Oh! Oh!
I say, "Yes, it's tiny,
see if you can find it." Oh! Oh!
LAUGHTER
I often say, "It's tiny, see
if you can find it," but not...
I often say, "It's tiny, see
if you can find it," but not...
LAUGHTER
LAUGHTER
APPLAUSE
APPLAUSE
Lloyd, worst tattoo you could get?
Like, a lot of people get their
heroes on their body, don't they?
Like, a lot of people get their
heroes on their body, don't they?
So there's a lot of people
knocking about
with Michael Jackson tattoos,
now, aren't they?
with Michael Jackson tattoos,
now, aren't they?
Well, you've tripped over the
right answer, there, I think.
Well, you've tripped over the
right answer, there, I think.
Paedophiles?
LAUGHTER
No, the worst thing to have
tattooed on your body is...
No, the worst thing to have
tattooed on your body is...
Celebrities!
That's the right answer! Oh!
Celebrities!
That's the right answer! Oh!
APPLAUSE
Yes, the worst thing to have
tattooed is a celebrity's face.
Yes, the worst thing to have
tattooed is a celebrity's face.
KLAXON
Well, that sound tells me it's
the end of the round
and the end of the show,
which means the final scores are
and the end of the show,
which means the final scores are
Rob, Paisley and Lloyd
have two points,
Katherine, Tom and Angela are
the winners with four points!
Katherine, Tom and Angela are
the winners with four points!
APPLAUSE
Thanks to all our panellists,
our wonderful studio audience
Thanks to all our panellists,
our wonderful studio audience
and to all of you watching at home.
That's it from us. Goodnight.
and to all of you watching at home.
That's it from us. Goodnight.
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE