7th Heaven (1996–2007): Season 7, Episode 2 - Monkey Business Deux - full transcript

Simon starts a dating service. Mary and Jack are planning to move to Florida. Annie and Eric have their hands full with family events.

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Sooner or later, like it or not,

she's going to have to have
that conversation with Dad,

about Captain Smith.

That guy gives
me the creeps.

Me, too.

Then why don't you say
something about it to her?

Mom doesn't want anyone
to say anything.

You don't always do
what Mom tells you.

I try.

I do.

Mom told you to quit
stringing Kevin along,

and tell him
you'll marry him.

Kevin hasn't asked me,
and who knows,

maybe he'll marry
his new partner, Roxanne.

Yeah, maybe.

But he would marry you.

We all know he would
if he thought you'd say yes.

Hey, you're not saying anything
to Mary either,

so why are you on my case?

I said something last week
before we got the order.

It didn't do any good.

Yeah, I struck out, too.

I thought you didn't
say anything?

I didn't mean to.

It just slipped out.

So you just lied to me?

I felt guilty.

We weren't supposed
to say anything.

Is this the way a woman

who wants to be a minister
should behave?




So you think anyone can stop
Mary from seeing this guy?

It's not likely.

I hope you left me
some hot water.

I didn't have

any hot water to begin with.

Why do you think
I'd dressed like this?

I'm freezing.

How can we not have not water?

Probably because others were up
and showered before me.

Others who use mass quantities
of hot water.


What time is she getting
up now, 4:00 a.m.?

Who knows, but she's
going to have to talk

to Reverend Camden
sooner or later.

Did you talk to her?

No one is supposed
to talk to her,

Mrs. Camden said so.

That's not what I asked.

I could ask you the same thing.
Did you talk to her?

Yeah, I couldn't help myself.

Neither could I.
Did you get through to her?

I didn't either.

Shh... don't wake up Mom.

Daddy said let her sleep.

Good morning.

I was just having
a cup of coffee

and I saw you slink out the
front door and up the driveway.

How is it?

Oh, it's the best coffee
I've had all week.


I'm having it
with you, my daughter,

who I haven't been able to catch
up with in seven whole days.

Well, if you care about
spending time with me,

maybe you shouldn't have told
Ben that I'm dating Jack.

You mean maybe

I shouldn't have told Ben
you're dating someone

20 years older than yourself
as a way of getting back at Ben

when he's done
absolutely nothing?

He's in love with
his old girlfriend.

No, he's not.

He's just talking to her.

He knew her for years.

Come on, Ben's a
great guy and he...

he really cares about you.

And you really care
about him.


I cared about him.

And now I've
met someone else.

Someone I care about
more than Ben.

I really have to go now.

I'm late.

Have a nice day.

You know, you usually have
pretty good judgment

when it comes to men.

And I still have
pretty good judgment

when it comes to men,

even when the man is
20 years older than me.

Trust me.

I'd sure like to trust
you, and yet... hmm...

Remember when you
just met Robbie?

You didn't like him either.

And now he's living
in your house

and you treat him
like he's your son.

Yeah, well, that could be a
problem with this new guy

since you know
he's too old to be my son.

Dad, I am a grown woman.

I am only staying here
because the company asked me

to change my schedule
for a couple of weeks.

If the man that I date
makes you uncomfortable,

I will stay somewhere else.

Somewhere you won't
have to see me.

Somewhere I won't
have to talk to you.

Are you giving me
an ultimatum?

Like if I say something about
your dating a man my age...

what, you're... you're
just going to take off?

Did you think I would just
sit around and say nothing?

I mean, do I ever just sit
around and say nothing

when you're doing

that I don't understand?

You were going to say doing
something stupid, weren't you?

Yes, I was.

Well, what is so
stupid about it?

Jack's a great guy!

Don't ask me to choose
between my family and Jack!

You can't be serious.

You'd consider
leaving your family

in order to be with

this cradle-robbing
low-life sky jockey

whose got a daughter your age?

I really have to go now.

Would you please
get out of my car?

I'm sorry. I...I... I
shouldn't have called him names.

And it's not him, okay?

It's Jack.

And if you're going
to call people names,

you should get better at it.

Look, I really
have to go

because there is just...

there's no point in talking
about this any longer.

No point? No, there's a point.

No the... the point is
that everyone in this family

thinks that... that you should
stop going out with a man

who's old enough
to be your father.

It's... it's... it's not
a healthy relationship and...

and you're just doing it
to get to Ben!

But instead you're
getting to me

and to your mother

and to everyone else
who cares about you.

We all think it's...


Would... would you please
get out my car?


Just go ahead and do
whatever you think is...

I hope that every time you
even think of kissing him

you think about kissing
your father!

And for anyone who's listening,

that came out
completely wrong!

What would you like
for breakfast today?


Ice cream.

How about oatmeal?


Oatmeal with brown sugar
and raisins?

No, thank you.

Oatmeal really does make you
very big, strong and healthy.

The trash...

I forgot to put the trash
cans out last night.

Oh, so you just put them out?


Well, today's not trash day.

Um, one of the neighbors
mentioned that,

so I brought them back in.

So you put them out

and then you brought
them back in?

Oh, I didn't hear anything.

Well, I'm very quiet.

And you found a way

to keep the trash
cans quiet, too?

I have a very busy day ahead
of me with hospital visits

and counseling sessions,
so, I better get going.

Who's in the hospital?

Um... the hospitalized.

And that would be?

It's a big church,

and a lot of people have
surgeries, procedures, things.

You weren't trying to catch up
with Mary again, were you?

And the plan we
agreed upon was...?

It was no plan at all.

It was do nothing, say nothing,
just pretend we don't care.

Oh, not pretend we don't care,

pretend that we trust
Mary's decisions about men.

That's entirely different!

She's dating a man
old enough to be her father!

If we don't want her to marry a
man old enough to be her father,

we must say nothing.

Oh, Eric...

you talked to her.

I had to.

He had to.

He had to say something.

How'd it go?

Pretty well...

Not that bad.

I may have even gotten
through to her.

I hate to say this...

but you're a
really bad liar.

So is everyone else
in this family.


New shirt?

Yeah, it's a new shirt.

You seem to be spending
some money lately.

A little.

On clothes.



'Cause I want to look nice.

You can't fool me.

What's that supposed to mean?

You've got money.

Not just birthday money,
real money.

I've always had money.

I'm the bank of Simon, remember?

Oh, I remember.

And I remember who much you
hate to part with a buck.

So something's going on.

There is nothing going on.

You've made up some lame excuse
to be out of the house

almost every night for a week.

You've got cash.

You've got new clothes.

Women are unexplainably
attracted to you.

Oh, gee... let me see...

could you be Spider-Man?

If you need my help,
let me know.

'Cause sooner or later,
I suspect

you'll land headfirst
on a brick wall.

She's onto you.

She's not onto me!

Yes, she is, and she's right.

You're going to run face-first
into a brick wall.

Calm down, will ya?

How many women are you doing
business with?

Mostly just one repeat customer.

You mean Cecilia?

No, I don't mean Cecilia.
I mean someone else.

So it's just Cecilia
and this one someone else?

Yes. Except next weekend,

I have to go to a party
with a cheerleader's

whose parents made her break up
with her boyfriend,

and then I have a wedding
reception to go to

with one of the majorettes.
That's about it.


Word's getting around.
It's a good business.

I'm perfect for it.

I'm polite, I can have a
conversation with the parents,

I'm a good dancer,
a good bowler, a good date.

Simon, You're not just a date,
you're an escort.

You're running
an escort service!

You can't do that!

Why not?
It's not illegal.

It's immoral!

No, it's not. It's practically
a public service.

How's that?

These women need me.

And it's less humiliating to pay
me to go out with them

than to go to stuff alone or ask
a guy out and get turned down!

Why can't you just
go out with them

because they need you
to go out with them?

'Cause I really have no interest
in these girls,

therefore being with them
is a job.

Why shouldn't
I get paid?

Because you're like,
you're like a...

you're like one of those...

I'm not selling sex.

You're one step away from it!

Morning, Ruthie!

What did you hear?

Nothin', just
"Morning, Ruthie."

Does anyone ever think
of checking

to see if Ruthie's outside
the door

before they begin
a conversation?

Fortunately not.

I'd like a word with Robbie.

I'm talking to Simon.

Why are you still here?

You're my ride
to school.

I didn't get the day off.

I'm just on a short break,
so I'll make this quick.

I think you should move
to the garage.

With you?

No, not with me.

I'll take this room.

What is it about
my old room?

Is it the fact that I lived
there so long by myself?

Is it the Hello Kitty theme?

I don't want to move
to the garage.

He never wanted to move
to the garage,

and he's had plenty of chances.

I want to be closer to Lucy.

And you'd like him
to be away from Lucy.

Would you kindly take her

to school now?

Or do I have to arrest
the two of you for truancy?

Actually, I have a class, too.

We'll talk tonight.

I'll look forward to it.

Eric, were you out
in the street

in your pajamas
this morning?

And did, did you
and Mary speed off
down the street?

And did you say something
about kissing her?

Yes. Yes.
And absolutely not exactly.

I was in my pajamas

and we did speed down
the street.

And why do you want to know?

I get calls.

I have to answer these calls.

While you and I may think

that it's really
nobody's business

what the minister
of a church does
in his own home

with his family, the
parishioners still
want to know.

What do they want to know?

Today, they want to know
why the children are allowed

to do things that reflect badly
on the church.

My children?

My children reflect badly?

Matt is in medical school.

And he's married.

And in medical school.

And I said married, didn't I?

I think everyone pretty much
considers Matt to be a grown man

who is married, out of your home
and into medical school.

Oh, so you meant Mary?

Mary's working.

You know,
she's an airline attendant,

and she's doing quite well
with that.

She has been seen
around town

with... an older gentleman.

No, he's not

an older gentleman.
He's an airline pilot.

They both work for the airlines.

Not the same airline, of course.

Mary and her pilot have been
seen around town together,

a lot, and they seem
quite close.

Well, maybe when
they go around town,

she has to hold onto him
to help him walk.

And that might be misinterpreted
as they're being quite close,

when in fact she's just helping
an old man across the street.


I feel for your children.
Really I do.

It's difficult being
in the spotlight

all the time because of...

your job here,
but they are in
the spotlight.

It is difficult

for them...
and for me.

Uh, is Lucy living
in the garage apartment
with her fiancé?

Kevin is living in the
garage apartment alone,

not with Lucy, and
they're not engaged.

Well, it's just that the garage
is still considered

to be part of the parsonage

and some of the parishioners
might object

if there was... cohabitation
on church property.

Lucy and Kevin
are not living together.

And don't forget
that Annie and I paid

to have the garage
apartment built,

and we can use it
any way we please.

Point taken.
Point taken.

How's Simon?

What's wrong with Simon?

Nothing I'm know of.

And Ruthie?

She has a new friend?

That's right. A friend.

Not a boyfriend.

Well, I was referring
to the chimpanzee she's adopted.

She didn't adopt a chimpanzee.

Eisenhower lives
across the street

and she was just chimp-sitting.

And that was just for one day

until the chimp got
a girlfriend.


And what about the twins?

David and Sam reflecting badly
on the church?

No, of course not.

Annie and me?

Oh, no, no.

Everybody loves Annie.

And me?

Eric, you were outside
in your pajamas.


You and Mary

sped off down the street
in her car together.

She kicked you out of the car.

You yelled something crazy
at her.

And this was at 6:00

in the morning.

Now where other people may be
worried about your children,

quite frankly, I'm a little
concerned about you.

Are you okay?

I really have to run.

I just stopped by to pick up
an address I left on my desk.

I have someone to visit.

Of course, I'm so sorry
to bother you with gossip

when you have
important things to do.

It's just that, like I said, I
am the one who gets these calls.

Did you say you hadn't heard
anything about Simon?

That's what I said.


So, maybe we can
go out again.

I'm kinda booked.

Yeah, I heard.

You went out with
Claire Cleavage every
night this week?

I'm not going out
with her for her cleavage

and it's not very nice
of you to call her that.,

We just went
to the library.

It was more of a bus service
than a dating service.

So she paid you
to take her out

every night
you went out?

Yes, why?

I don't know.

She has kind
of a bad reputation.

I don't care about that.

She's just like
any other customer.

She had money,
she needed me

to go out with her
for some reason.

Wait, wait a minute.
Wait a minute.

Did your boyfriend go out
with Claire?

Is that what this is all about?

Even he wouldn't go out
with Claire.

And besides,
I broke up with him.

Well, I'm sorry to hear that,

but I don't give refunds if
that's what you're looking for.

I wasn't looking for a refund.

I just wanted to go out again.

Well, I'm pretty booked up
for the next ten days.

But I might be able to work
you in, not next weekend,

but the weekend after.

I wasn't offering
to pay you to take me out.

I'm not interested
in your dating service.

I was just suggesting that we
go out together sometime

on a real date.

Had a really nice time with you
until my boyfriend showed up.

I'm not sure if it would be
ethical to actually date someone

I've done business with.

It's just that I got to keep
my business life separate

from my personal life.

It would feel
kind of funny
dating somebody

who's paid me to go out before.

It just doesn't seem right.

You want to know
what doesn't seem right?

You don't seem right.

You really should drop
this whole dating service

before you get
into real trouble.

And stay away from Claire.

Excuse me.

Reverend Camden?

Captain Smith?

May I assume this is about Mary?

Yes, you may.

I can't say
I wasn't expecting you.

Why would you rather be in the
house than the garage apartment?

It has nothing

to do with Lucy.

I like being in the house
with the family.

It makes me feel like part
of the family, and I like that.

But you're not part

of the family, and if you really
wanted to be part of the family,

you wouldn't have dated what
would be your sister Lucy.

Just move
into the garage apartment.


Hey, I'll take
the garage apartment,

and then you can have
my bedroom and you'll be in
between Robbie and Lucy.

I don't think
that's a good idea.

I think we should ask Mom.

She's not your mom.

When Lucy and I get married,
she will be my mom.

She'll be your mom-in-law.


Mom, mom-in-law, whatever you
go with is fine by me.

Can I have the garage apartment
if I get Mom and Dad's approval?


That kid does not need to have
his own apartment right now.

Believe me.

You-you think you know

But I know Simon better
than you know Simon.

I don't think you give
a rat's ricky

if Simon has his own apartment.

I think you still have feelings
for Lucy.

Do you want
to know the truth?

I never had feelings for Lucy.

At least not the feelings
you're accusing me of.

I was never in
love with her.

I was in love
with Mary.


You do know I dated Mary
for years, right?

We almost had...
we almost moved in with...

We were thinking about getting
married at one time.

You're lying.

No, I'm not.

You didn't know
I dated Mary?

I met Mary when we were both
doing community service.

We were both crazy
about each other, but I blew it.

And then Mary moved
to Buffalo,

and then my family split up
and I found myself


And even though the Camdens
never liked me, I ended up here.

in this room, in this house.

How do you feel about Mary now?

I don't know,

maybe I'm on
the rebound, but...


What's the point?

I think the point is you
still have feelings for her.

So maybe you ought to do
something about those feelings.

Like what?

Like tell her
how you feel about her.

I thought you called
your brother to tell him

to move here so he and Mary
could get back together?

Yeah, but I knew he wouldn't
take my advice.

You should do it.

Talk to her.

Let her know how you feel
about her.

Maybe it's not too late.

And maybe it is.
And maybe you know that.

You're just saying all this

to make sure I never go around
Lucy again.

What if I am?

The end result is the same.

You end up with Mary.

Aren't you forgetting something?

Aren't you forgetting
about Mary's new boyfriend?

We all know Mary's not in love
with the pilot.

So are you in love with her
or not?

I can't even say it out loud.

The only person who needs
to hear it is Mary.

Say it to her...

out loud,
as soon as possible.

There's more?

The other night when I was
talking to Mary

about dumping this pilot...

You know Mom said none of us
should do that.

I know, but I did,

and my guess
is so did everyone else.

Anyway, I told Mary
that her pilot hit on Roxanne

at the pool hall last week.

And she said to me,

she said, "Oh, yeah?

"Well, did you know Lucy

"and Robbie had
a little sleepover

in his room last year?"

Is that true?

Did Lucy ever spend the night
in this room with you?

Is that what trading my room
for your apartment is about?

I take that as a "yes."

Why not?
I'm 16.

Lots of 16 year olds have
their own apartments.

In what world?

In what world do lots
of 16 year olds

have their own apartments,

In what world?

All right, that maybe slightly

but that doesn't mean I
shouldn't have my own apartment.

No, but there are
so many other reasons.

Like what?
Well for one,

I'm perfectly fine
with the arrangement

that we currently have.

But Kevin isn't.

I find that hard to believe.

It's true.

Well I'm not saying
it's not true.

I'm just saying
I have a hard time believing

that Kevin would want to give up
his privacy

and live in the house
with everyone.

But if he does want to,
couldn't you at least

just consider
letting me have the
garage apartment?

Why would you need
your own apartment?

He doesn't.

You won't even consider it?

I considered it, Simon.

I've listened
to what you have to say,

and I really don't think
it's a good idea.

When's Dad gonna be home?

Well I have a feeling
it'll be late,

and I have a bad feeling
as to why he'll be late.

But whatever the time is,
the answer is still no.

You're 16, you're not moving
into the garage apartment.

You let Mary date
a pilot as old

as Dad and I can't even have
my own apartment?

That's really lame, Simon.

So where was I?

Oh, yeah.

Why would you need
an apartment of your own?

And question two:

Do you need it as an office

for whatever business
you're running?

Can a guy

under age 18 get arrested
for soliciting?

You don't even know
what that means.

Yes, I do.

I asked Kevin what it's called
when one person pays money

to another person to go out with
them, and he said "soliciting."

Women are actually

paying you money
to go out with them?

That's where you are
every night?

How do you know that?

Deductive reasoning.

It's nothing bad.

It's just that when a woman
at my school needs a date

because she's broken up
with her boyfriend

or she wants to make
her boyfriend jealous

or she has

a special function
like a wedding to go to

and she doesn't want to go
by herself,

then, then I just help her out.

For money?

Well, yeah.

It doesn't matter how nice
you try and make it sound,

it's still wrong.

And I think you better
stop doing that.

And I think if you don't,

something bad is going
to happen to you.

I think that's some
pretty good advice.

Let me handle this, will ya?

And remember, no one likes
a stool pigeon.

You're amazing.

You have no fear of me

I admire that.

Sort of.


All the way upstairs.

And if I ever catch you
listening in

on one of my conversations,

I'm not going to let you off
with just a warning.

Is that a threat?

Man, give a guy a uniform
and a gun,

they think they rule the world.

I'm not doing anything illegal,

No excuses, Simon.

You know whatever you're doing
isn't right, so stop.

I don't have to do
what you tell me.

You don't have to do what I tell
you or what Robbie tells you

or what Ruthie tells you or even
what your parents tell you.

But you should consider

that sometimes when people
who love you tell you

to stop doing something, they're
telling you for your own good.

You going to tell my parents?

I don't like presenting a case
when I don't have all the facts.

And in this case,
I don't want all the facts.

Besides, like I said before,
no one likes a stool pigeon.

Robbie said that you said
that Mary told you

that Robbie
and I slept together?


So are you angry with me because
I said something to Robbie,

or are you angry at Mary because
she said something to me?

I don't know why she said
something to you,

and I don't know why you said
something to Robbie,

especially without saying
something to me first.

And I'm still angry
about your new partner.

Is she still around?

Yes, and I'm sorry.

Is there a rule that I have
to discuss everything with you

that I'm gonna
discuss with Robbie?

Because I didn't know
that was a rule,

and now that I do,
I'm not agreeing to it.

You don't have to agree to it
cause it's still a rule.

Let's see how that works out.

Let's see how what works out?


Wait! You can't, you can't...

I can't what?

You can't just do that
every time

I try to talk to you
about something serious.

Why not?


Because why?

Because it's a rule.

And I don't care if you agree
to it or not.

And change partners!

Man, I love that woman.

Hi, Reverend Camden.

I wasn't sure
if I was supposed

to use the back door
or the front door.

I'm, I'm having

the same problem.
I was, I was at the front,

then I came
around here to the back.

Is Simon home?

I think they're all home.

Except Mary of course.

That's something, huh?

Her dating an old guy
like you?

Yeah, that's something.

It's kind of late
to be calling on Simon.

Everything okay?

Not really.

Did you ever do something
you know you shouldn't

and everyone told you not to,
but you just did it anyway?

Oh, yeah.

Yeah, yeah, yeah,
I have done that.

I just did that today.

What did you do?

I probably shouldn't
say anything to you.

I should just talk to Simon.

Then again, I already
tried talking to Simon.

And I have a feeling
that didn't do any good.


Kitchen! Now!

What is going on?

I think I'm wanted
in the kitchen.

One, two, three,
four, five, six,

eight, nine.

Did you take money from Cecilia
to take her out last weekend?

She offered to pay me.

I don't think I should be here.

Cecilia ratted out Simon.

Did she
rat him out about their date

or about all those other dates?

I'm sorry.
What are we talking about?

Didn't you know?

How would I know?
I never know anything.

I'm always left out
of everything.

It's been that way
all my life.

Simon has a dating service.

Girls pay him
to take them out.

Since when?

It started with Cecilia

and then business
just seemed to take off.

Why didn't anyone tell me?

'Cause no one likes
a stool pigeon.

At least
that's what Kevin says.

So you actually told them
not to tell me?

Okay, Ruthie, it's you and me.

I never actually thought
I'd say this,

but why don't the two
of you go up

to the attic
together alone,

while I have a little chat
with Ruthie.

I'll talk to her.

I'll talk to her.

Maybe Robbie should talk to me.

Sorry, this is
between you and Kevin.

Why do you make
it seem as if

you did what I told you to do,

when in fact you did exactly
what I told you not to do?

I did what
you told me.

I didn't say anything
about Simon, not to anyone.

I speak the truth.

No, you speak the half truth.

When I said no one likes
a stool pigeon,

you know that I meant
in general,

and then you
ratted me out

with your sister
just to get me in trouble.

Don't you think I have
enough problems with Lucy

without your help?

What kind of problems?

Apologize to me first.

I'm sorry.

I shouldn't have made you
look bad,

especially in front
of my sister Lucy.

Is it sex?

Your problem with Lucy?

No, it is not sex.

And I don't think that's cute
for you to ask me that

because it's
completely inappropriate.

Yeah, I'm in some sort
of weird transitional phase

that's throwing me off.

It's called growing up.

You think I'm growing up?

I think you have to.

But thanks for
the apology.

The problem is is that I'm madly
in love with your sister.

I apologized for that?

That's the problem.

I'm serious.

You are, aren't you?

I'm sorry, I didn't think
it was so bad.

But I do now. I do.

So I'm going to apologize
to Cecilia,

and then I'm going to give her
her money back,

And then, then I'm going to
apologize to the others,

and I'm going to give them
their money back.

The others?

Cecilia didn't mention that...?

So, is there anything else I
don't know that I should know?

I don't know if it would
be of any interest to you,

but I was telling Kevin
earlier that I'm still
in love with Mary.


I know it sounds crazy, but I
was thinking about telling Mary.


You can't tell me she's
in love with that pilot.

I can tell you
that she's in love with Ben,

and the only reason she's going
out with that pilot

is because she wants
to do something

dramatically equivalent of Ben's
old girlfriend moving back

from London to Buffalo
to try to get him back.

Nah, Mary's not in love
with Ben.

Why else do you think

she's dating this Jack guy?

Because she's not
in love with Ben.

So now seems like a good time
to make my move, you know.

It's not a good time,
take my word for it, it's not.

The timing is all wrong.

Yours and Mary's timing
has always been wrong.

Yeah, but...

But don't. Just don't.

I'm going to
go check on

Kevin and Ruthie.

Hey, it's Mary.

And if you don't have any advice
for me leave a message

and I'll return your call.

Hey, Mary, this is uh Robbie.

Um, I was thinking
maybe we should talk, and...

and not about this pilot
you've been seeing.

We should talk about... us.

And remember when you kept
trying to get me back last year?

So everyone in the family
knew, except Lucy,

and everyone told
you to stop,

but you just kept
on making dates?

You thought Cecilia
and Robbie and Kevin

and Ruthie were all
giving you bad advice?

I... you don't think
enough of any one of them

to even consider that they
might be trying to help you

avoid doing something that
would get you in trouble?

I'm not the only one
who is like that, you know.

I'm not the only one
who doesn't listen.

Everyone's guilty of that
at some time or other.

I know, but you're the one
I'm talking with at the moment.

That was terrible advice.
How could you do that?

Because I think Robbie
really does have a shot.

Ben's tired of trying
to convince Mary

that he doesn't want to go back
with his old girlfriend.

And he's really put off
by the fact

that Mary's dating this old guy.

I offered to
pay for him

to come out here last week
and confront her,

but he wouldn't do it.

It's late,

I'll get it.

I forgot I left Cecilia
on the back porch.

Maybe she went around
to the front.

Still on the back porch.

Someone else is
at the front.

You... you talk to Cecilia
and the three of us

will talk later,
and then again tomorrow,

and the next day,

and the day after that.

What are you doing here?

You told me to come here.

But you never listen to me.

Ben! It's so good
to see you.

You have no idea
how much we miss you.

Come on in.

Is uh, Mary home?

Well, she's flying today,

but she will be home
later, I hope.

I, uh...


I don't think she's coming home.

Um, but I told the chief
I wanted to transfer.

That's okay.

He met Mary when she
went through training.

He'll understand.

I shipped
all my things.

Ground or two-day?

What difference does that
make, ground or two-day?

Which is it?

It's ground, there's
a lot of stuff.

I thought I was going
to move here.

So your stuff
will be here

in a week and then
if nothing's changed,

maybe we'll put your
things in my car and
drive back to Buffalo.

You're going to drive me
all the way back to Buffalo

and then drive back here?

To tell you the truth, I don't
know what I'm doing here either.

I'm madly in love with Lucy and
she's not madly in love with me.

Maybe I never should
have moved here either.

Then again if I hadn't,
I'd have regretted it

and I don't want any regrets.

I really thought she was ready
for a serious relationship.

You want some advice?

Yeah, but try to tell me
only what I want to hear.

Don't give up so easily.

It maybe too late for me, but...

Lucy's right upstairs.

Are you sure you don't want
to go down to the kitchen

and overhear something
that might be of vital
importance to me?

I'm never going
to intentionally listen in

on one of Kevin's conversations.


I was warned.

Never again.

And he's a pretty serious dude.

But I like that.

And I like
that he takes me seriously.

He treats me like a grown-up.

I wish he'd treat me
like a grown-up.

Well, that may require your
acting like a grown-up.

I know you're dying to know,
so I'll just tell you.

That's what Kevin was
talking to me about.

About growing up.

Becoming an honest person who's
responsible for my actions

as well as my choice of words.

He said that
while it's always fun

to be a kid, it's also fun
to be a grown-up.

What else did he say?

He said that one
of the ways

we know when we're grown up,

is when we show other
people consideration.

Ben is dying for you
to come down

to the kitchen
and say hello to him.

I think that would be
the considerate thing to do.

I want to talk to you

about all these rules
you mentioned earlier.

I'm sorry for just
laughing you off.

I think you kissed me off.

Either way, I apologize.

I really want this
relationship to work out.

I do, too.

And that's why I've been
so crazy or...

one of the reasons.

And the other one being,
you are crazy?

I've already been
engaged once,

and the whole thing turned
into a big mess and...

I felt humiliated
when it didn't work out.

And I don't want to feel
humiliated ever again.

We said we were going
to take this slowly

and I know
I begged you

to move here, but once you did,
I realized...

now people expect us
to get married and...

I just don't know if...

Then I'll wait till you do know.

And if it turns out
that, for whatever reason,

I'm not the right guy
for you, Lucy,

I know that neither of us
would ever put the other

in a situation
to be humiliated.

Well, it would be humiliating

if you fell in love with your
new partner Roxanne.

It would be very

First of all, she's
not even my type.

Secondly, I'd never

date a cop.

And thirdly, I don't want
any woman other than you.

I love you.

I love you, too.

I'd kiss you off again,
but you're all snotty now.

When did she get transferred
to Fort Lauderdale?

Just this week.

She saw they had
an opening and...

Fort Lauderdale is
nowhere near us

or any other family members
or Ben or his girlfriend.

And, uh... as Jack
explained it,

they thought it would
be better for them,

the two of them.

He's based in
Fort Lauderdale.

He keeps an apartment here
'cause his dad lives here.

I asked you not to say
anything to her.

I asked everybody

not to say
anything to her.

Because I was the first person
to say something to her.

And I knew if she
wouldn't listen

to her own mother,
she wouldn't listen

to any of the rest of you.

I feel so much better.


'Cause now we're all
in this together.

It's no one's fault.

It's not your fault.

It's not my fault.

It's no one's fault but Mary's.

And Jack's.

Couldn't you just
let me feel better?

I just thought she was
going to marry Ben.

You just hoped.

I hoped.

We all hoped.

I say we keep hoping.

And praying.

So, did you bring me
anything from New York?

Don't I always bring you
something when I come here?

You really don't have to.

I think you've made it clear
in the past that I do.


I heard you're interested
in some guy.

Guys like perfume,
take my word for it.

You airported me.

You forgot the gift, so you
picked this up at the airport.

Yeah, I did, but still,
it's nice perfume.

And I am interested

in a boy.

Not enough to pay him to see me,
but I am interested.

So, should we talk about
your boyfriend first

or this mess Simon got into?

Simon's a lot more interesting,
believe me.

Now that I've apologized and
given you your money back,

you want to know
how I really feel?

'Cause I'm going to tell you.

I'm angry.

I don't think you understand

the consequences
of your own actions.

I'm probably never going
to have car privileges again,

which means I'll probably
never be able

to take you or anyone
else out again.

So while I'm sure you
meant well by telling my dad

what was going on, now there's
no chance of the two of us

ever getting together
if that's what you wanted.

So I don't really care
how you justify it.

You didn't have
to tell my dad.

You could have made
me listen to you

if you would have
just kept trying.

Yeah, maybe if I would
have paid you to listen.

Well, here's five bucks, Simon.

The word out on the street

is that one of your
dates is pregnant.

And I think she's only been
paying you to take her out,

so that when her
parents find out

they'll think
the baby is yours.

Now who doesn't

understand the consequences
of his actions?