7th Heaven (1996–2007): Season 6, Episode 2 - Teased - full transcript

Nice hair.

Yeah, that was probably
cool back in Jersey, but here,

it's just, uh, stupid!

Hey, why don't you guys
knock it off?

Because, preacher boy,

we don't want to knock it off.

You still taking the bus?

Wait, wait, where do you
think you're going?

Home. I'm going home.

Not unless you ask.

He doesn't have to ask,
all right?



Just get out of his way,
leave him alone.

Or what?
Or for all you know

he's going to come to school
with a gun and shoot

innocent students like me
because he's angry

at idiots like you, all right?
Knock it off.

Did preacher boy just insult us?

Can I please go home now?

Can I please go home now?

Mommy, may I?

What's with you, Camden?

Hey, I don't care
what's with him.

Just don't ever embarrass us
like that again.

Or we might shoot you.

Excuse me.



You had to have just heard that.

You did, didn't you?
You heard the whole thing,

and then you just what?
You hid in your classroom?

Students aren't
the only target, Simon.

Well can't you at least
talk to their parents?

I have.

The parents are
just like them.

So what are we going
to do about this?

Aha!

I knew you were the one
sneaking my cookies!

Did you know you're bad
at hiding your cookies?

No, but who knew you could get
up there with a broken finger?

You'd think an injury
would slow you down.

You'd think,
but I can't help myself.

I love a challenge.

You love
to sneak cookies.

I think I'm going to call you
Snookie from now on.

Really?
I never had a nickname.

Even though I wasn't sneaking
any cookies.

What's going on?

Ask Snookie.

Who's Snookie?

I am.
It means sneaking cookies.

It's a nickname.

I've always wanted a nickname.

I always wanted a nickname, too.

Well, I can't just pull
a nickname out of thin air.

It has to come to me.

If you tell me what went wrong
in New York with Jeremy,

maybe I could come up
with something.

Robbie knows, so maybe he can
come up with something.

Tell me, please!

Can't.
Why not?

Because you can't
be trusted, Snookie.

Come on. Come on.

I thought you were working.

Taking a break. What's up?

"What's up?"

Simon still isn't home
from school.

Well, I-I'm sure he's fine.

The bus is probably
just running a little late.

You don't ca...

Oh...

Oh, come on,

Weepy.
Everything's gonna be fine.

Simon's fine.

Weepy?

You said yesterday that you felt
like the eighth dwarf,

uh, Weepy, in Snow White.

Phone.

Hello?

Leave your wife and children

and come away with me.

Bird?

Well, who else
is going to ask you

to leave your wife and children?

It's Bird.

It's an old friend
from high school.

Uh-huh, and?

Hey, you're not busy

raising someone from the dead
or something are you?

Am I interrupting?

No, I'm just,
I'm talking to my wife.

Oh, oh-oh-oh-oh, sorry.

Uh, I am staying
at the Glen Oak Inn.

Call me back, because I am
in town for a week

and I would love to see you.

Bye.

Old girlfriend.
Old... friend.

So invite her over
for dinner tonight.

After all, I liked
your last girlfriend,

Serena.

Right, right...

Oh, hello.

Hi, this is
my wife Amy.

Hi.
I'm Tim.

Uh...

That's kind of what we came
to see you about,

the fact that I don't
have an arm.

Don't worry,
we don't want you

to pray it grows back.

Oh, why don't you sit down?

Your friend, Lou,

knows us from the bank,

and said you might be able
to help me out.

Okay.

I have this prosthetic arm.

It's uncomfortable.

I took it off one day at work,

some guys stole it.

And they think this is funny.

I promise to take good care
of your car

and pick you up at midnight.

Camden?

Uh, I have to go.

Let's go.

Hot lips.

Simon?

Cheryl, what are you doing
with Matt's car?

What are you doing
at a bus stop?

I took the wrong bus. I didn't
realize till I got here.

My car is in the shop

and I have something
important to do tonight,

so Matt let me take his.
Get in.

What's wrong?

My whole life is wrong.

You wouldn't understand.

Try me.

I'm a very good listener.

We'll talk while
I drive you home.

You know, I'll take the ride,

but no thanks for the talk.

Grandma Ruth fried fish
that the Colonel and George

caught for dinner;
the whole house reeks of it.

So other than that,
how's it going?

Well, I applied to be
a firefighter.

Why would you do that?

Why wouldn't I?

It's just that, well...

have you ever had any interest
in fighting fires?

No, but I do now.

Why?

Because what if
Wilson and I get married

and then something
happens to him,

and I need to support
the family?

I mean, I need to get a job.

A real job,
and the Colonel encouraged me

to look for something
in public service,

and, well,
I can't be a cop, so...

I'm going to be a firefighter.

Couldn't you just be
a postal worker?

That is just
what the Colonel said.

What are you, an old lady?

No, I'm not an old lady.

I may be conservative,
but so what?

Maybe it's time for people
to be more conservative!

Sorry.

What are you getting
so upset about?

Fire!

Bird, I want you
to meet my family.

This is my wife, Annie.

Hi.
And, uh, that's Sam

and David,

Lucy, Ruthie,

Simon, and Robbie.

Oh, wow, are
these all yours?

Well...

Uh, except for me.

I'm the ex-boyfriend of the
one who's missing, Mary.

She's in New York.

Wow again.

Um, let's see if I got
everybody straight here.

Um, this is Sam and David,

and Ruthie?

Call me Snookie.

It's a nickname.

Hmm.

Oh, well I just love nicknames,
Snookie.

And, um, Simon.

That's easy for me
to remember

because I have an old boyfriend
in New York named Simon.

Then you and Lucy have
something in common.

She has an old
boyfriend in New York,

old fiancé actually.

Shut up.

I got it!

We'll call you
Lady Liberty,

after the Statue of Liberty

because you got your
freedom in New York.

Not a good idea, Snook.

Why don't I just stick to Lucy?
Yeah.

And, uh, you're Robbie?

And I'm Matt,
but you can call me Hot Lips,

since that's what everyone else
calls me thanks to Cheryl.

That's our oldest son, Matt.

Oh.

I'll, uh, I'll get you a plate.

See?

See, no one even cares
that I'm Hot Lips.

No one but the legal department.

And you're, uh...

A friend from high
school, Bird.

Hi.

Why do they call you Bird?

Well, my dad used
to call me Bird Legs.

Um, I guess because...

I have...

ladies and gentlemen, bird legs.

But somewhere
along the way

mercifully bird legs was
shortened to Bird.

Uh, maybe it's time
we call you by your given name,

what with Eric's weak heart
and everything.

What is your given name?

Merle.

So, could we just stick
with Bird, please?

Oh, sure,
but Merle is a nice name.

It just doesn't suit me.

Yeah, okay, we'll,
we'll go with Bird.

Oh, thank you.

Did you say
legal department?

Yeah, I had, uh, I had to call
Cheryl and have her pick me up

because the nurses were
calling me Hot lips

and the doctor who
hates me anyway

said it could be a sexual
harassment problem

and told me I can't work there

until she gets the situation
clear with the legal department.

I mean, can you believe that?

I want to know
about the Hot lips thing later,

but what is Cheryl doing
with your car?

And, and please tell me that
it's something very important

because your insurance
does not cover Cheryl.

No, she had something important
she had to do tonight.

I thought she worked nights.

Cheryl is Robbie's
old girlfriend

and Matt's new
girlfriend.

Thank you.

Cheryl's going to college.

She had class.

Cheryl?

Look, she didn't want anyone
to know.

Why not?

Because some people might think
it's funny.

You know maybe we can talk
about this later.

No, why don't we just talk
about this now?

You know, what,

what is wrong
with everyone?

What's with all the teasing

and the name-calling?

Why do we have to keep doing
that?

You know what?

I'm sick of it.

I, I can't take
it anymore.

Uh...

I'll take care of it.

Hello.

Yeah, may I speak to Simon?

This is Mick from school.

Uh, I'll get him.

What?

Uh, phone.

Who is it?

Mick, from school.

Hello.

Hey, Simon, this is Mick.

The guy you defended
at school today.

The guy all those jocks
were picking on.

Yeah, I remember.

Yeah, I just wanted to call

and say
thanks for your help, man.

You're really cool.

Do you mind?

I want to talk to
you after dinner.

I'll, I'll bring a
plate up for you.

Thanks.

Those guys are losers, man,
you know that.

Yeah, I know that.

That's why I'm going
to blow them away.

I beg your pardon?

Hey, you said it yourself,
right?

I mean, one day, they're going
to push me too far

and I'm going to blow them away.

But you don't mean that?

Yeah, I do.

I can't take it anymore.

I understand that.

But...

when you start talking about
actually blowing people away...

We've moved ten times.

And every time, it's the same.

They're all the same.

All of them.

Shooting people won't solve
your problems.

Right, so I should just let, uh,

what's it called,
their teasing...

Yeah, I should just let all
their teasing roll of my back.

That'll work.

It's better
than shooting people.

Not for me.

For everyone.

Come on.

You know you don't want to hurt
anyone.

You know?

I do.

The only way these guys
are going to shut up

is if they can't talk anymore.

But look...

I just wanted to call
and say thanks.

And don't worry,

you won't get hurt.

That's it?

You, you took
the wrong bus.

You're angry about having
to take the bus,

and you can't wait
to grow up

and get out
of here?

Yes.

No, that's not it.

Dad, you can stand here
all night

and try to make it more
than that,

but it's not more than that.

Well, you realize
why you're taking the bus?

Yes. I'm taking the bus

because I want to be treated
like a man.

And so I'm acting like a man

and being responsible
for my own transportation.

And what makes you angry
about that?

Have you ridden a bus lately?

You know, it's not fun.

So, you're angry about the role
of public transportation

in your transition to manhood,

but not angry with your mother
or me?

Please.

I can't talk any longer, okay?

I've just had a bad day.

And nothing outside

of getting on the wrong bus
made it a bad day?

Simon...

my gut tells me
that you got on the wrong bus

because you weren't paying
attention

because you were already upset
about something

and that something had to do
with someone...

teasing someone,

since that was the subject
of your speech at dinner.

Maybe you should have your gut
checked out.

I had it checked out last week.

All systems are go.

Look, I have a lot to do here,
okay?

And if you don't leave soon,

I'm going to be until midnight
doing homework.

Uh, well, if you, uh,

change your mind
and you want to talk...

Why don't I
just go...

Yeah.

Glen Oaks Police Department.

Hi. This is Simon Camden.

May I speak
to Sergeant Michaels?

One moment.

Simon, is everything okay?

Thanks for taking my call.

And no.

Look, I have a serious problem,

and I... and I'd talk
to my dad about it,

but the last time I had
a serious problem like this...

he nearly got killed.

Hello.

Hey, sorry I'm so late.

We were just working
on the annual report.

Just wanted to say good night.

Good night.

Is everything okay?

Yeah, considering
I nearly burned down the house.

What are you talking about?

I set the curtains on fire
with a candle.

Was anyone hurt?

No one was hurt,
but the fire department came.

I know you're smiling,
and it's not funny.

Okay, it's not funny.

It's, uh...
just a very interesting way

to see how
the fire department works,

and that could be very useful

in your interview
with them tomorrow.

Okay, you have
to see some humor in this.

And if I don't see any humor
in this?

Well, then,

the guy who's interviewing you
tomorrow is going to see

that you don't have
a sense of humor,

and that might not be so good.

And why is that?

Well, because as a woman
in a firehouse,

you're going to need
to have a sense of humor.

Again... why?

Because you're going
to be the only woman

surrounded by a bunch of guys,
and guys like to kid around.

About what?

They can't kid me
just because I'm a woman.

That's called harassment,
and that's illegal.

Look, this is my fault.

The fire was probably
very scary,

and I shouldn't have been
joking around about it,

because now
I've got you way ahead

of where you should be.

I mean, you're hired,
you're in the firehouse,

you're being harassed,

and you're ready
to take legal action.

When you actually haven't
even had the interview yet.

So let's just back up,

and let's get
through the interview first.

And I'm supposed to do that
with a sense of humor?

That would be my advice.

Don't be mad at me.

I love you.

I love you, too.

Good luck tomorrow.

Thanks.

Good night.

Good night.

I feel a little guilty
because...

I kind of laughed
when I found out.

It was just
'cause I was surprised.

But believe me,
I'm really proud of you,

and you should really be proud
of yourself.

Thanks.

I appreciate that.

It's hard.

I know, but you'll do fine.

You will.

So, don't be mad at Simon
for telling everyone.

I'm not.
It's not his fault.

If I didn't want people to know,
I... I shouldn't have told him.

Come on, tell Snook
your deep, dark secrets.

It'll help you sleep.

Quit calling yourself Snookie.

I hate that.

You hate that I refer to myself
in the third person,

or you hate that I have
a nickname and you don't?

What, I offended you,
Lady Liberty?

Oh, shut up.

Hey, that wasn't very nice.

Well, you're not very nice.

Well, I just want to know
what happened.

The way you sneak around,
I'm surprised

you haven't been able to sneak
the information, Sneaky.

Yeah, that's what
your name should be--

Sneaky, not Snookie. Sneaky.

I'm not sneaky.

Yes, you are, and I think

that Robbie was trying
to tell you in a nice way.

Snookie's a nice name.

He wasn't criticizing me.
He was teasing me.

Yeah, but why
was he teasing you?

Maybe he was trying
to point something out to you.

Good night, Sneaky.

Why are you staring at me?

I can't sleep.

Why not?

Oh, it's selfish of me
to bring this up,

especially after
you entertained

my friend tonight, but...

I-I got my feelings hurt

tonight when you said
I have a weak heart.

Oh, I'm sorry!

Oh, I don't know
why I said that.

Oh, I feel terrible.

Oh, no, no, no.

Oh, I don't want
to make you cry, Annie.

Oh, I can't help it.

I... I really am Weepy.

Oh, no.

I shouldn't have
brought it up.

Yeah, you're right,
you shouldn't have

because now I feel
just terrible.

I'm sorry.

I'm really uncomfortable
with your arm like that.

I thought
Bird was very nice.

Yeah.

I-I just, I-I'm not sure what
she wants to talk to me about.