7th Heaven (1996–2007): Season 5, Episode 15 - Sweeps - full transcript

So, did you ask mom?

Yeah, I asked her.

I worked double shifts
at the shelter

and swapped
some days around

so I could get time off,

and I have my paper
written for class

a week ahead of time,
and it's really good,

and my ticket is standby,

so it'll hardly
cost anything.

So...Can I?

Your mother and i
talked it over, and, well,



we don't know any reason
why you shouldn't

come home for a weekend
if that's what you want.

Really? I can come?

Of course you can come.

But you will be going back
on Sunday, right?

Yeah, I guess so.

So, may I speak to Robbie?

Yeah. I'll get him.
It's Mary.

-Is she coming?
-Yeah.

She wants
to talk to Robbie.

Congratulations.
You're about to reap

what you have sown.

Hi, Mary.

Dad's going to get Robbie.



Right.

Oh, Mary, we can't wait
to see you.

I can't wait, either.

He's doing
really great, huh?

Robbie?

Yeah, of course, Robbie.

Yeah, he's doing just fine.

And you all
like him now, right?

Yes, we like him.

-Who's on the phone?
-It's Mary.

She's coming home
this weekend.

Is that a good idea?

-Hi.
-Hi. Uh, where's Robbie?

I don't know, um,
but ruthie's here.

It's Mary.
She's coming home
for the weekend.

Is that a good idea?

Hi. It's ruthie.

Hi, ruthie.
Uh, where's Robbie?

Hi, Mary.

Hey, guess what?

My parents are letting me
fly in for the weekend.

Mary's coming home?

Is that a good idea?

It wasn't my idea.
It was her idea.

She is still
part of the family.

Hey, I can't wait
to see ya.

Well, you'll see me
tomorrow night.

Hello! I'm home!

Hello!

Hello, hello, hello,
I'm home!

Oh!

Oh! How was your flight?

It was perfect.

No one sat in the seat
next to me,

so I got an extra bag
of peanuts.

Where's Robbie?

Oh, he called.
He's running late.

One of the kids
at the day-care center

had a problem
with a soccer match.

And Lucy?

Uh, well,
she's gonna

take care
of the other kids

until their parents
pick them up

while Robbie
takes the kid
with the problem

to get some help.

Matt?

-He's working.
-Yeah.

Simon?

He's here.

Well, I don't see him.

Well, he's not dressed.

He's trying to figure out
what to wear tonight.

A bunch of the kids are
going over to Sasha's house.

Now, Sasha's a senior,

so it's a very big deal
to get invited.

Is it a bigger deal
than my coming home?

You'll have
to meet Sasha,

and then
you can draw
your own conclusion.

Well, where's ruthie?

Does she know I'm home?

Oh, yeah, I told her.
She's upstairs.

She's probably
working on her homework.

You know how much
she loves that new school.

Ok, well, I guess
I'll, um, just take

my stuff upstairs
and get settled in,

not that anyone cares.

-Oh, we care.
-Oh, we care.

Oh, baby. Mare.

It's great to see you.

That's an awfully big
bag for a weekend.

Yeah, I was thinking
the same thing.

This visit is making me
very, very anxious.

Me, too, but I think
we have to look at this

as a chance to examine
whether or not we did
the right thing.

Right thing
when we sent Mary away

or when you let
Robbie move in?

Let's go with both.

Hmm.

You don't think
that in the excitement

of seeing each other
again,

that they might try--

you know, I mean,
they wouldn't do
anything--

stupid?

-He wouldn't dare.
-Would she?

Hey, Mary,
how's it goin'?

How's it goin'?

I'm gone for 3 months,
and I get a "how's it goin'?"

Nice.

Hiya, kid.

Just a sec.

I wanna finish
this paragraph.

Looks like
you moved in.

Practically. I've been
up here for months, you know.

Yeah, I know.

You're not planning
on staying, are you?

You're not, are you?

I love it up here.

So, how'd the game go?

Robbie's team won,
but georgy has his face

pushed into the grass
one too many times,

and the kid's
allergic to grass.

He's allergic
to everything.

Hello.

Oh! Mary, hi.

How's it going?

How's it going?

Citrus? You can
be allergic to citrus?

As far as I know,
you can be allergic

to practically anything.

Hello! I'm home!

The kid's mom
said he'd be fine.

She should come
to the games
once in a while.

He's really good.

I love kids,
but I'm not crazy
about parents.

You're crazy
about my parents.

Yeah, but that's
different.

Why, because
they're Mary's parents?

Just so you know,
I'm really nervous

about
her coming home.

Well, you shouldn't be
if you're not planning

on doing anything wrong.

That's not
why I'm nervous.

I'm not planning
on doing anything,

especially anything
that wouldn't meet

with the family's
approval.

We'll see.
I have to get back to work.

Hey, what's going on?

Nothing.

Did you
lose something?

I might have misplaced
a couple of bucks.

Maybe it fell out
of my pocket.

Well, I didn't see
any money in the laundry.

Would you like me to check?

No, no, no,
don't check.

It's ok.

Ok.

Well, if you just need
a couple of bucks

so you can go out tonight,

I can lend you some money
until you find yours.

We're not going anywhere.

We're just hanging out
at Sasha's, watching movies.

And it's just
a couple of bucks.

So, you don't
really need any money

so you can go out
and hang out

with a bunch of kids
and watch movies.

You'd just like to find

the aforementioned
couple of bucks?

Yes.

Ok.

He's dating Sasha.

No, he's not dating Sasha.

We told him
he couldn't date.

He could go out
in a group.

He can be friends
with Sasha.

Friends. That's it.

Well, maybe
we should have said

he couldn't
be friends with her.

That's it.

That wouldn't be nice.

Well,
it might not be nice.

It would be safe.

I think you're placing
your lack of trust

with the wrong party here.

The wrong party
being Mary or Robbie?

I'm going to have to go

with Mary
being the wrong party.

The world
is upside down.

No, just our world.

Hey, how's it goin'?

Whoa. What was that?

How's it goin'?

How's it going?!

What is this?

Isn't anyone
happy to see me?

Of course
I'm happy to see you.

Then how about
showing it?

Ok.

That is "happy
to see you."

And that is
what I came home for.

Did Mary
come through here?

About 2 seconds ago.

What's up?

I was hoping
this weekend was about

Mary visiting her family,
not Mary visiting me.

I had nothing to do
with her leaving
in the first place,

and I don't want
to be her motivation
for coming home.

Have you told Mary
any of this?

I never got a chance.

Well, go tell her.

But what do I do

if she, you know,
kisses me again?

Oh, didn't we all know
this was gonna happen?

Nothing is gonna happen.

I was just saying...

It's just that
when she kisses me...

Never mind.

What are you doing?

Is this yours?

Please, is this yours?
Let this be yours.

No, it's not mine.
Why?

Why did you
want this to be mine?

Well, I didn't want it
to be yours exactly,

but I didn't want it
to belong

to who I think
it could belong to.

Where'd you find it?

In the dirty clothes hamper.

Did you look inside
for identification?

I mean, not that we don't know
who this belongs to.

I'm gunna kill him.

I didn't want
to go snooping

through someone's wallet.

You already snooped
through someone's wallet.

But by accident.

There's nothing
but the photo
of the wallet family

and a couple bucks.

Look, I know it's his.

I don't need
to see the I.D.

It's Robbie's,
and I'm gonna kill him.

Are you sure?

Who else
could it belong to?

Simon?

So it's Robbie's.

Is it any of our business?

Yes, it's our business.
Mary's home.

I knew we couldn't
trust this guy.

But he seems trustworthy.

Seems?
Seems trustworthy?

That's how he
seduced Mary
in the first place--

by appearing
to be trustworthy.

Now he's seduced
the whole family.

Well, not me.

I knew the guy
was up to no good

the day he moved in.

He thinks he's so slick

with his little
homeless routine--

the hard-working
prodigal son

come home to the camdens
to be good. Ha!

Well, we've got him now,
haven't we? Hmm?

Am I driving you?

No. Sasha's picking me up.

Oh.
I just thought if Sasha

was having
a lot of people over,

she might not want
to leave the house.

Why not?

I'm sure her parents
can answer the door.

He's got you there.

Maybe you ought
to take the boys upstairs

and give me
a chance to talk to Simon

before Sasha comes.

You're gonna go
upstairs, ok?

All right. Bye.

You're never
gonna get away with

whatever you're
trying to get away with.

Are you trying
to get away with something?

No, I'm not.

If I didn't want you
to know where I was going,

I'd just make something up.

Something like what?

A lie?

I'd just say that...

I was going to see a movie
with some friends.

That wouldn't be a lie.

And if I asked you
what movie?

I'd say the sixth sense.

And I'd say the sixth sense
isn't playing anywhere.

So you're watching
at someone's house?

And I'd say of course
we're watching it

at someone's house.

And I'd ask whose house?

And I'd say
the Simpsons' house.

Is that Sasha's
last name? Simpson?

-Yeah.
-If I hadn't
asked you anything,

you'd be
leaving out a lot.

So...
You'd be lying.

Yes, I would be,

but I'm not.

I'm capable of lying,
but I don't lie.

Honest. I'm not
doing anything wrong.

And yet I just
have this feeling--

it's just
a gut feeling--that...

You might be.

Shouldn't you be focusing
your gut feelings

on someone else
in the house right now?

Hi.

So, let's go.

Well, just a second.

Uh, what movie
are you gonna be watching?

Oh, there's, like,
a hundred movies
at my house to choose from.

My dad's a movie nut.

But since Simon wants
to see the sixth sense,

that's probably
what we'll watch.

Are you picking up
the other kids?

Simon's the only one
that doesn't have
his license yet.

I remember how it was
before I got my license.

My parents had to drive
me everywhere,

real bummer.

Yeah, it can
really make you feel

like a taxi driver.

Oh. I meant for the kid.

It's terrible having
to be driven everywhere.

Right.

So, good night.

So, do you need us
to pick you up?

After all,
Sasha was nice enough

to drive all the way
over here once.

I'd hate for her to have
to drive over here twice,

especially if it's late.

Oh, it won't be late,
and I don't mind.

I enjoy every minute
i get to spend with Simon.

Good night.

So do you live
a long way away?

Dad.

No, we live in that
big house at the end
of dorman drive.

You know,
the one that stayed
on the market forever?

-Oh, yeah.
-Yeah. It had to have

so much work done,
no one else wanted it,

but my parents
just fell in love with it.

So, did they fix it up
themselves?

Your dad is so cute.

Ok, good night.

Yeah.

Yeah, that's a date.

Do you know
where Robbie is?

He's upstairs
talking to Mary.

Mary's room,
talking to her?

Is that a good idea?

I sent him up there.

Weren't you
the one who said

we just have to look
at this visit

as a test to see
if you've done
the right thing?

We've done. We--

we've done
the right thing.

Don't you want
some of the credit?

I trust him.

I trust him, too.

I don't trust her.

Again, the world
is upside down.

It's not mine.

Well, it's not mine,

and I'm pretty sure
it's not my dad's,

and I'm pretty sure
it's yours.

There is another guy
in the house.

It's not Simon's.

He's 15. What would
Simon be doing

with something
like this?

What any guy's doing
with something like that.

He's having safe sex,

or he's prepared
to have safe sex.

I know Simon
a little better
than you do,

and it's ridiculous
to think

that Simon might be...

Well, it's ridiculous.

Maybe that's the problem.
You're too close to him,

so it just seems ridiculous.

You know what I think?

I think
this is a diversion.

Yeah, I sprang
that wallet on you.

Now you're trying
to get me to talk
about anything

other than the fact
that your being here

has just been
some sort of plot

to get my sister
back to that motel

where you can have
your way with her.

Have my way with her?

No wonder Simon
doesn't talk to you
about women.

You sound like
you just stepped out
of an old movie.

And now once again,
you attempt to sidetrack

the conversation
i want to have

with a conversation
you want to have
about old movies.

May I see
your wallet, please?

The one you claim
you haven't lost?

The one that would
prove this is not
your wallet?

Guilty as charged.

I'm not guilty,

and you're mental.

This is crazy.

I'm not
stupid enough to try

something with Mary
a second time.

I'm a completely
different man
since that happened.

I don't think so.

How can you not think so

after spending
this much time with me?

Because you're very slick.

You confuse people.
Like right now,

I don't know if this
is really your wallet,

Simon's wallet,
or if it's even a wallet,

all I know is
i don't trust you.

Fine...

Then tell me
what you want me
to do here

so that you can
start trusting me.

Well, I'm never
gonna trust you.

But...

But if I were
gonna trust you,

you'd have to remain
in plain sight

whenever you're
with my sister.

How am i
gonna do that?

Why don't you and Mary
stay home

and play a board game?

A nice family-friendly
board game.

Include a couple
of other people,

and when Simon
gets home,

we'll find out
whether or not

you're telling the truth
about this wallet

and what's inside
this wallet,

if indeed it's a wallet.

You'd rather believe
that it's not a wallet

than it's
Simon's wallet?

Yeah.

Fine,
but a board game?

Yes.

Hey, you can't get in trouble
with a board game.

Ok, I'll ask Mary,
but I don't think

she's gonna
want to play
a board game.

I think she's gonna
want to spend time
alone with me.

-She already said so.
-How do you do it?

How do you always make it
about someone else?

Ok, ok,
I'll ask her.

Don't ask her.

You tell her.

Are you
looking for me?

No, I'm not
looking at you.

I said for me.
Are you looking
for me?

Did you want
to ask me something?

We're gonna
stay home tonight

and play
a board game.

Was that
Matt's lame idea?

No, we're not staying home
and playing board games.

I'll be ready
in 10 minutes.

It's a great place
you have here.

Yeah. I couldn't
believe it

when my parents
bought this house

and told me
the guesthouse
was all mine.

So, when's everyone
else coming over?

No one else
is coming over.

I just didn't think
your parents would approve

of our spending
the evening alone together.

We've talked about
being alone enough.

I figured it was time
to do something about it.

Oh yeah..

Well we have benn doing a lot of
talking.

A lot of talking.

So, it's pretty much
just the two of us?

Yep. Just the two of us.

And your parents
don't mind if
I'm here, do they?

No. They
totally trust me.

Oh. Well,
that's good.

Yeah.

Do you want some music?

A-aren't we gonna
watch a movie?

Maybe later.

Can I get
a glass of water?

I'm a little
thirsty.

You can have
anything you want.

You're Simon,
Simon Camden.

Where did ruthie go?

She went
back downstairs.

Why do i
get the feeling

that she is not
exactly happy
to see me?

Oh, you know how it is

when you've been away
for a long time

and you come home.

No. How is it?

You just
have to give us

a little reentry time
to adjust.

You had 18 years
with me here

and 3 months
with me not here.

How much time
do you guys think
you need to adjust?

Well, what you said
was true,

but for most of the time,
Robbie wasn't here.

In fact,
he was never here

except to pick you up
or bring you home,

but now he's here,
and you're here.

You didn't
just think things

were gonna be the same,
did you?

No, I actually
thought things were
gonna be better.

I thought everyone
would be happy
to have me here,

especially Robbie,

and I'm not
even sure

if Robbie is happy
to have me home.

We're all happy
to have you here.

And Robbie's
definitely the happiest

and the most prepared.

Ok, you are
all over the place.

Spit it out, because
I'm in a hurry.

-To do what?
-To go out
with Robbie.

-Where you going?
-Anywhere outside
of the house

where we can
be alone.

Alone,whose idea was that?

It was my idea.

You sure
it was your idea?

Yes. I wanna talk
to Robbie alone,
and I have a plan.

A plan huh?

I always love
your wacky plans.
Let's hear it.

Well, I'm going
to let Robbie hear it,

and then you can
all hear it.

Does it involve...Sex?

What?

Does your plan
involve s-sex?

With?

Robbie.

Why would
you say that?

I found his wallet,

and there was
something in it.

Oh. No, no, no, no.

If he has something
in his wallet,

then it's
just something

that he has
in his wallet,

and it's not
because I am home.

It is not for me.

Although...

If he were thinking
about, well...

I can't say
I'd be upset.

What?! Last year,
you punched him
for thinking about...

Well...

Yeah, I did.

And this year?

And this year,
i might consider it
helpful.

I-it might be
helpful if he was

thinking of me
in that way.

I mean, I was
only thinking
of kissing him,

and I would
never do anything
more than that,

but I'm
just saying--

you're just saying what?

You plan to seduce him
into your wacky plan?

We've talked enough.

You know
how difficult it is

when you've been
away a long time.

What are you doing?

Oh, I thought if we
found Simon's money,

we could
take it to him.

You know,
in case he needs it.

No, we can't.

As much as
we'd like to, we can't.

Can't what?

Uh, you haven't
found some money,
have you?

Was the money
in a wallet?

I don't know.
Simon said
he lost some money.

I guess it could've
been in a wallet.

Why? Did you
find a wallet?

Yeah, but I'm not sure
it's Simon's.

Is this Simon's?

It could be
Simon's.

Yeah, but is it Simon's?

Well, it must be.
Although,

why wouldn't
he have said
he lost a wallet

if his money
was in a wallet?

We're off.
We're going down
to the promenade.

What happened
to the board game?

We're not playing
board games.
Good night.

So, it's the promenade.
That's nice.

Have a good time.

Good night.

Why don't I just take
this over to Sasha's

and see
if it is Simon's?

Why would you do that?

It's just a bunch of people
watching a film, right?

Well...

Do you two know something
that I don't know?

No.

Look, I don't even know
whose wallet it is, ok?

I was just trying
to be helpful, that's all.

Simon lost his wallet.

I wanna know
what's going on.

Obviously,
we're gonna have

to find out
for ourselves.

But it wasn't my wallet.

You don't
have to lie.

I'm not lying.
I'm not guilty.

Did you have that
in your wallet

because you thought
that something

might happen between
the two of us

or because
you still had it
in your wallet

because you went out
with Cheryl
for Valentine's?

This has nothing
to with Cheryl.

It has nothing to do
with you, either.

I'm not guilty
of anything,
so stop accusing me.

Fine. I'm not gonna
force the issue

if you don't want
to talk about it.

It's not my issue,
because I'm not guilty
of anything.

It's Simon's wallet.

Right.

Sasha is a lot older
than Simon.

She's experienced,
and she's selfish.

She's also beautiful,

and she makes Simon
feel like a cool guy.

So what is
so outrageous

about Simon being
responsible and prepared?

He's 15! Just 15.

A lot of 15-year-old kids
are having sex.

Not Simon...

And I don't care
how seductive
Sasha may be,

she is not gonna
completely change

Simon's sense
of right and wrong
in one night.

It can happen
in one moment.

No, it can't.

Anything is possible.

Well, I'm happy
you feel that way,

because I want
to talk to you

about another
possibility.

I have a plan.

Can the plan wait?
Because I think

we should go find
Simon right now

and talk to him
before anything happens.

Nothing is
gonna happen.

I hope not, because
he lost his wallet.

Ok.

Tell me your plan first,

and then
we'll go find Simon,

because that's my plan--
to find Simon.

Remember when you wanted
to get married

and I thought
it was too soon

and I needed
to find out who I am

and what I want
out of life?

Yeah.

So, what
do you think
Simon is doing?

I'm sure
Simon and Sasha

and all the other
boys and girls

are having
a very nice time

watching the movie
together.

She came over to get him
all by herself.

Simon told us

that they were
watching the movie

with a group
of people,

and I am going
to believe him

until I find out
otherwise.

How are you gonna
find out otherwise?

I thought dad went
to get ice cream.

He did.

He was going straight there
and coming straight back.

He should be here
any second.

Sorry. Traffic.

Traffic?

What? There was traffic.

You think there
wasn't traffic?

I think
you were spying.

That's ridiculous.

You spied on me,
and you spied
on Mary before.

Why can't you
spy on Simon?

Don't you think
that's kind of
a double standard?

No, I think
it's a lesson
well-learned.

What lesson?
I was doing

just what you thought
I'd be doing,
making out.

No, you were doing
what I thought Mary
would be doing,

which surprised me,
at least the first time.

I think we'd
all be surprised

if Simon is not
making out.

-I wouldn't.
-I'll help you

in the kitchen
with the ice cream.

No, no. I've got
plastic spoons and--

yes, that
would be lovely.

Yes.

So, did you
go by there?

By where?

Well, by Sasha's.

Why would
i go by Sasha's?

Because it's on the way
to get ice cream

if you choose
to go that way.

What do you know
that I don't know?

Look, we both know
that he's not
watching a movie

with a bunch
of people.

And how do we
know that?

What don't
we both know,

and what do you know
that I don't know,

and what's the deal
with the wallet?

Lucy found it
in the hamper.

So?

So?

I think we should
pick up Simon.

You did go by there.

Well, it was
on the way,

and it looked like
no one was home.

Wait. Where is what
was in the wallet?

I took it
out of the wallet.

Well, Simon had already
left for his date anyway,

and maybe we're just
jumping to conclusions.

Maybe it's
Robbie's wallet.

Well, did you
ask Robbie
if it's his wallet?

Yes. Well,
he says it's not,

but he's Robbie.

He's carrying around
his money in a rubber band,

you know,
so maybe he just doesn't
want to admit it,

especially
since Mary's home,

but it could be
Robbie's wallet.

Did you swing by
the promenade?

Well,
the dairy shack is
at the promenade.

I had to swing by
the promenade.

The promenade was
a legitimate stop.

And?

And nowhere
in sight. Of course,

they could've been
at the movies

or the bookstore
or having a pizza
or something.

Lucy says Mary's
got some wacky plan.

Better not involve
what was in that wallet.

They gave me
the wrong order.
I'll go back.

I'll go with you.

Uh, you're not going out
again for ice cream

without taking all of us.

Why don't we all go?

Why not? The family that
spies together, stays together.

Oh, all right.
Let's go with them!

Aah!

You're not mad,
are you?

If you don't want
to come to buffalo,

you don't want
to come to buffalo.

You really come up
with some wacky plans.

You know that,
don't you?

What is so crazy about
your moving to buffalo?

Buffalo is a great city,

and there's lots
of good schools there

that you could go to...
With me.

And the director
of the homeless shelter

thought it
was a great idea

to get a sports program
funded for the children,

and he got the money
almost immediately.

They just need a guy
to run the program,

a guy like you...

And you'd be doing just
what you're doing here,

only we could
see each other there,

and we could get to know
each other again.

It's a little cold
for me in buffalo.

So, the weather's
a challenge.

It builds character.

I'd rather
build character

while living
in your parents' house.

Fine, but just
so you know,

I'm not
coming back here.

Well,
not permanently, anyway.

I like living
in buffalo.

Never? You're
never moving
back here?

Why do you
say that?

I got a new start
when I moved.

People don't know
all the stupid things
that I did here.

They like me.

They think I'm responsible,
and they trust me.

You can't imagine
how good that feels

to have people
trust me again.

Yes. Yes, I can.

That's why
i can't do anything

to jeopardize
my relationship
with your family.

I can't take off
and go to buffalo.

They trust me now,
but they wouldn't
trust me then.

I can't do it.
I just can't.

If we could
just get our lives
on track together,

then maybe one day,
we could get married

and have a family
of our own.

Maybe and maybe not.

Isn't that
what you want?

I do. I want that.

I'm still
in love with you,

and if we try,
i think we can make it.

We can have just
what my mom and dad have--

the kind of marriage
that lasts a lifetime.

I'm happy everything's
working out for you.

I really am...

And I care for you.
I really do,

but I can't
be responsible
for your life,

for our lives
together

until I can
be responsible
for myself.

And I'm
not there yet.

But you're getting there.

I didn't have
what you had
growing up.

I didn't have
someone setting
boundaries

a-and showing me
what is clearly right

and what is
clearly wrong.

You think I just
learned that from TV

or something,
but I didn't.

My parents did
the best they could
for who they are,

but who they are
is 2 people

who are no more
capable of creating
a functional family

than their parents
were.

I mean, my mom
always wanted to be
my best friend.

I didn't need
a best friend.
I needed a mother.

And my father,
heh heh!

He was never around,
but when he was,

he was a real jerk.

Well, you and i
are not your parents.

And we're not your
parents, either...

And while you may
have a shot

at having the kind
of relationship
your parents have,

I'm not so sure
i do.

It takes
more than wanting.
It takes doing,

and I've got
a lot to do.

Well, what have you
got to do? I'll help you.

I gotta
go find Simon.

Can you help me
with that?

Do you think
Mary and Robbie
will ever get married?

-I do.
-Honestly,
no, I don't.

-Why not?
-Because I think

they're very young,
and they've got
a lot to do

before they settle down.

Robbie wants
to get a college degree,

maybe even a master's,
you know,

and he's been
talking about

volunteering to teach
in an inner-city program,
and...

And Mary?

Well, she's enjoying
the class she's taking,

and maybe this'll
get her interested

in choosing
some field of study,

and then
she'll go to college,

and who knows?

What if she doesn't
want to do nothing

but follow
Robbie around?

Anything.

It sounds
more pathetic

when you say
the double negative,
don't it?

Oh, stop that.

This is it.

So, you insist
that busting in
on Simon's date

is the right thing
to do?

I'll give you
all the facts
when we get home.

Oh. Well,
just for the record,
I'm against it,

no matter
what the facts are.

-You'll change
your mind.
-No, I won't.

You might.

You know
why we're here?

You all know
why we're here?

Everybody knows but me?

I don't, and Sam
and David don't.

Of course,
they sleep through
most of life,

so they don't know
much anyway.

Does it have something
to do with sex?

Does it?

Drive! Drive!

With me! Drive with me!

Hey, wasn't that...

Why don't you take
the ice cream home?

I'll catch up
with those two.

Simon!

Matt!

Dad!

What's going on?

What's goin' on?

Were you spying
on me?

Was the whole family
spying on me?

Wait for me!

Is this
your wallet?

Yeah, it's my wallet.

And just...

Where did you
get a condom?

I'd rather not say.

Me. I gave it to him.

It's not
his fault.
I asked him.

No, it's my fault.
I gave it to you.

I should've talked
to your dad first.

Then why on earth
didn't you?

Because if he asked
for it, I figured
he needed it,

and so whether he
should or shouldn't
be having sex--

and obviously
you shouldn't--

I just didn't
want anything bad
to happen.

I'm sorry.
I was wrong.

Simon, haven't we
always talked
about sex?

In the abstract.

But that's why
we talk about it
in the abstract--

so that one day,
when it becomes personal,

you'll feel free
to keep on talking
about it.

I--i knew
what you'd say.

I knew you'd say
i was too young.

Well, you are
too young.

Dad, being
too young

has nothing
to do with this.

How's that?

The opportunity
was there.

Too young or not,
it made me feel
like a man

just to have
that opportunity.

I mean,
that's what men do.
Men have sex.

Well, men say no to sex

when they
have the opportunity

and it's not
the right thing to do.

Dad, I know that.
I said no.

Well, thank you
for being responsible.

When I got there,

no one else
was there,

and Sasha had plans

other than watching
a movie with
a bunch of people.

I told her I didn't
want to lie.

I told her
i didn't want
to say one thing

and then do another,

and she
respected that.

So we made
some phone calls,
and I made it right.

I also appreciate that.

I just
don't understand

why you couldn't
have trusted me.

I'm the one
who didn't trust you.

Actually, I didn't
trust you, either.

I'm--I'm sorry.

Forget it.
I'm the one who
didn't trust me.

Look, face it.
No one trusted you.

I know
your intentions
were good,

but there
are some things

that should be left
up to the parents.

I realize that,

so thank you
for not yelling at me

or kicking me out
or something.

I'm trying.
I really am.

I honestly
don't always know
the right thing to do,

as stupid
as that may sound.

In those cases,

it's ok
to ask someone
who you trust

to know what's
right or wrong.

Is there
something else?

What's going on
with Mary?

Oh, she had
this wacky plan.

So, why didn't
you ask me?

Because he
raised you.

Right.

I was so sure
it was Robbie's.

I feel so bad
for not trusting him.

I'll be
out of your way
in no time.

I'm just getting
a drink of water.

And, um, by the way,
it was Robbie's.

At least, in a way.

Simon asked him
for it, and he
gave it to him.

See ya.

No, stay.
What were you saying?

Simon thought that Sasha
might want to have sex,

so he wanted it
just in case.

-What?
-That's what
Robbie said,

and he was afraid
not to give it
to him.

Ok, that's gonna
be a long walk home,

and I'm gonna want
to have a long talk

with Simon
when he gets home.

No, come on. Stay.

Talk to us.

Yeah. Tell us
what happened
with you and Robbie.

Nothing
happened.

You want to know
anything else?

What's goin' on?

Nothing.

I just--
i feel a little
on the outside.

Well, we feel a little
on the outside, too.

It's strange
knowing you have this life

that none of us
knows anything about.

We want to know
all about it,

but we don't want
to ask too much,

because we don't
want you to think

that we don't trust you.

But you--
you don't trust me.

No.

We're still recuperating
from the last year. Sorry.

We want to trust you.
We do.

What do you
want to know?

We want to know
why you came home

all of a sudden
to talk to Robbie.

I saw it as a window
of opportunity.

I figured he saw
Cheryl last week
for Valentine's

and it
didn't go well,

so I thought
I'd make my pitch.

Oh, um, your plan.

My wacky plan.

What was it?

I wanted Robbie
to move to buffalo.

I wanted him
to change his life

because I don't want
to change my life,

but I want
to be with him...

And to tell you
the truth,

I would've
just called,

but I thought
if he were to see me

and if the two of us
were to kiss,

and if he was...

Seduced?

Yeah, but--but
not with sex. Just--

sex, promises of sex,
things leading up to sex--

all these things
are very powerful.

Well, I was gonna try
and just be nice,

but I didn't think that
that would be enough

to convince him
to move across country.

Are you kidding?

No.

Don't you think
whether you're pretending

to be nice
to get your way

or trying to be sexy
to get your way,

neither is
the right thing to do?

Of course, just being nice
is safer than sex, but--

why would you
want to do either
of those things?

You see it all around.

Women being
so darn appealing

that men just can't
control themselves.

I mean,
what does that say
about men and women?

It says that women
can't be honest enough

to say what they want.

It says women
can't be smart enough

to get what they want

without trickery
and deceit.

It says that men
have uncontrollable
animal instincts

and that they're stupid.

You see how bad
that is for everybody?

But I know he seriously
likes kissing me.

That's fine. As long as it's
just kissing, that's fine,

but it's not fine
to use the fact

that he likes
kissing you

to coerce him
into doing something
he doesn't want to do.

I think my point is
he does want to do.

We all want to do...

But we all know
when it's right

and when it's
not right to have sex.

Yeah.

And we've got
another caller on the line.

Who's this?

I'd rather not say.

All right, mystery lady,
what can we do for you?

You can remind everyone
that it's never too early

to talk to your children
about sex.

After all,
you don't want them
picking up information

on the streets
or from a houseguest
or on TV.

You want the information

to come straight from you,
the parents, right?