7th Heaven (1996–2007): Season 3, Episode 14 - In Praise of Women - full transcript

All Eric's planning and fussing proves pretty pointless, with the whole family pacing and worrying in hospital and Annie bitching non-stop, while the animals are left unattended at home. ...

Annie, honey, it's gonna be okay.

Oh, Mom, I'm so scared.

The babies haven't come yet.
Maybe there's something wrong.

Oh, no. Everything's
going to be all right.

You've given birth
to five beautiful babies.

The twins won't be any different.

You'll see.



Annie, are you okay?

Okay, you know what might
help with the pain?

Okay, just focus
on your focal point

and breathe through it,
just like we learned in class.

Deep breath in.
Deep breath out.

Breathe in.

What's that,
peanuts and chocolate?

I'm here giving birth to twins
and you went on a snack break?

I thought you were
going to the bathroom.

There's the vending machine
around the corner.

Before our next contraction,
why don't we practise our breathing

so we'll be more prepared
and at ease.


Just look at the bunny
and breathe through the pain.

Really, try it.
Go ahead, see if it helps.

Don't be such a crybaby.

- I'm not crying.
- You are too.

Are you still worried
about the house?

I just-- I can't seem
to shake the feeling

that I forgot something
when we left this morning.

You've been worried all day.
You'd think labour would distract you

just a teeny bit, but no.

Did you turn off
everything in the kitchen?

And put away all the food?
Did you lock all the doors?

- Did you feed Happy?
- Yeah, I think I did all that.

It's something else.

- Am I a big sister yet?
- No, not yet. Not yet.

- So how's Mom?
- Yeah, is she okay?

Well, she's doing great,

but it may be a while
before the babies are born.

- How long is this gonna take?
- I'm not sure.

If this is gonna be a while,
can I go exploring?

Me too. Me too.
Can I go exploring?

No. Nobody's going anywhere.
Everybody just stay put.

- Well, can we see Mom?
- Maybe in a little while.

So we can't go anywhere
else in the hospital?

- That's right.
- And we can't go see Mom?

- And we can't go home?
- Right.

You know, maybe you
should all take this time

to think about how your lives
are about to change.

I'd rather go exploring.

Today's the first day
of the rest of your lives,

because once your mom
has the twins,

the old Camden family
will cease to exist,

and in its place
will be a new Camden family.

A family with nine people in it.

- Yeah, but only two bathrooms.
- A new family with boys.

Please, we need more boys.
Any word on that?


I don't want a new family.
I like the old one.

Hey, Dad's right.
Like it or not, boys or girls,

our family's about to change,
and we should all think about that.

Good boy.

Okay, I'm done thinking.
Now can I go exploring?

You need to think
some more.

But if I think too much,
my brain hurts.

Your wife is asking for you.

Well, not really for you,
but she wants those ice chips.

Dad said we weren't
supposed to go anywhere.

I think it's time
to discuss doing a C-section.

I don't wanna have a C-section.

I know it's better
for me and the babies

if I deliver them normally.

We were scheduled for a C-section.
It was just supposed to be next week.

Well, it looks like the babies and I
changed our mind, didn't we?

- Honey. Release.
- Whose side are you on anyway?

Look, she's had five other children.

She's never needed a
C-section before.

- Are the babies in trouble?
- No.

Is something wrong with Annie?

Both Annie and the babies
are fine for now,

but considering her age and--

Look, if I was young
enough to get pregnant

and to carry these babies to term,

then I'm young enough to deliver them
without a C-section.

You have been in labour
for a long time.

Oh, really, a long time?
What a surprise,

because I was just thinking that
it only seemed like, you know, forever.

In my expert medical opinion,
she should have a C-section,

and the sooner the better.

Then I want a second opinion.

You're in labour. This isn't the best
time to be getting second opinions.

I know my body.

My contractions are ten minutes apart
and irregular.

Trust me. We have time.

I believe that every doctor
in this hospital

will back me up on the C-section.

I'll let you and Annie discuss this,
but don't take too long.

Find Dr. Hastings. He owes me.
He'll listen to me.

The guy who almost killed Matt?
That Dr. Hastings?

No, the Dr. Hastings that runs
the Ferris wheel at the carnival!

Find Dr. Hastings!

Oh, God.

Is there something I can do to help
out? The waiting's driving me nuts.

Well, since you and your mother
have the same blood type,

why don't you go to the hospital
blood bank and give blood?


No, don't worry. Everything's fine.

Giving blood is my idea,
not the doctor's.

- You don't look fine.
- That's because your mother

wants me to find Dr. Hastings for her.

- Wait, the Dr. Hastings who--?
- That's the one.

What's up?

Oh, Dad's looking for Dr. Hastings.

- The Dr. Hastings who--?
- That's the one.

Matt, blood.

Are you supposed to give blood?

It's Dad's idea, not the doctor's.

- Well, are you gonna do it?
- No way.

So Mom can give birth to two babies,
but you can't get stuck with a needle.


That's why men don't have babies.
We're like that. We can't take the pain.

- Really?
- It's the genius of the system.

- The system?
- The male-female system.

Okay, this I have to hear.

- You've heard of Adam and Eve?
- Yeah.

So I figured one of them
had to take a dive.

Someone had to talk to the snake,
eat the apple, break the rules.

- That was the plan.
- I'm not sure I follow you.

Whoever did that was gonna
get cursed.

- Please continue.
- So Eve did it.

So she was the one
willing to get cursed,

i.e., id est, she was the one

willing to go through
all the pain to procreate.

Okay, let me offer you this.
Childbirth is a lot of things.

It's a gift, it's a blessing, it's a miracle,
but it is not a curse.

- Have you been in that birthing room?
- Yeah, and I can't wait to give birth.

I mean, it might be the most painful
thing in life,

but, you know, being willing to suffer
often brings great rewards,

i.e., id est, a baby or two.

Something happened to you
when you cut your hair.

Bye-bye, blood boy.

- Where's Ruthie?
- Beats me.

- You were in charge of her.
- Not today.

Today I have more
important business.

What is more important
than looking after your sister?

Seeing to it that we get brothers.

What are you doing?

I read somewhere if you hold a string
over your stomach

and it moves to the right,
the baby will be a boy.

I think for that to work,

the mother has to hold the string
over her stomach.

Desperate times
call for desperate measures.

What is that, a shoelace?

Why are you doing this
to yourself?

It's not like the babies' sex
is gonna be decided today.

It was decided nine months ago.

True, but it can be changed
in an instant

if God wants it that way.

But why do you want it that way?

Well, let's face it,
life for women is just harder.

I'm very aware of
the biological consequences

of being a woman.

And you're also very aware that,
if the twins are girls,

you're the only guy left
when Matt leaves.

- Well, yeah, that too.
- Simon.

- Yeah?
- Go find Ruthie.


- Does Simon know where you are?
- Sure.


I figured this would be the last place
he'd look.

I think guys are a little afraid
of this room.

There's nothing to be afraid of.
Birth is a very natural process.

I heard you out there.

Were you screaming
because you were surprised,

like, "Oh, no, here it comes"?

Or were you screaming from pain, like,
"That hurts really, really, really bad"?

It's a little of both.

Go find Simon.

And if you see Daddy,
tell him to come back in, please.

Here we go.

Yes, what a good boy.

- Where are you going?
- Blood bank.

- I think it's the other way.
- I know.

They're cute, aren't they?

Yeah, when you're married
to someone who you really love,

who will help you raise them,
babies are especially cute.


I'm not sure Jordan and
I will ever have babies.

I'm assuming you mean
the married you and Jordan

in the far, distant future.

That's what I mean.

Why are you crying?

It's what I do.

- And well, today is, you know.
- Yeah.

If you ever wanted to give me
something great on Valentine's Day,

well, Lord, this is
the Valentine's Day to do it.

Those babies have to be boys,
they have to be.

If they're not, well, then this is the
last day of the rest of my life.

Now, don't get me wrong, I love
and respect all the Camden women.

Mary's a great older sister.
She's taught me everything

a guy would ever wanna
know about sports.

And it's probably a good thing

because between chasing women
and schoolwork,

Matt doesn't have a lot of free time.

Then there's Lucy: smart, sassy
and extremely emotional.

I can deal with any woman
after living with her.

And Ruthie, I'm sure you got
a big file on her.

She gets me into a lot of trouble,
but boy, does she love life.

And I love her, and I love Happy.

Thanks for that. You do good work.

She's a girl dog, you know.

And it goes without saying
that I love Mom too.

She's the greatest mom ever.

So even if the twins aren't boys,

but I hope they are,
just make her safe

because we couldn't do without her.

Speaking of which,
say hello to Grandma Jenny.

Tell her we'll be singing
that song later.

The one she taught Matt
to sing to Mom

when they brought Mary
home from the hospital.

Well, that's it. That's everything.

A little recap: I love women,
but I want brothers,

and that's the God's honest truth.



Or is it "a-women"?

Annie, Dr. Allison and Eric
filled me in on your situation.

Considering our past history--
Thank you.

Are you sure you want me involved?

I'm sure that I don't
want a C-section,

and I'm sure that Dr. Allison
doesn't agree with me.

So if you can help me,
I'm sure I want you to be a part of this.

Dr. Allison is a good doctor.

Because of your age and the fact
that you've been in labour for so long,

I think most doctors would probably
agree with him.

Lucky for you, I'm not
a lot of doctors.

If we can work together
and you can stand some more labour,

I think you can do this
the way that you want.

But I'm not gonna make
any promises.

If there are any problems
or complications,

I won't hesitate to take these babies
out as fast as I can,

and that's gonna
mean a C-section.

- Okay.
- I won't let you down, Annie.

I'm gonna take good care
of you. I owe you.

It's a little early for the epidural, but
do you want something for the pain?

- Yes.
- Yes.

- Where are all the kids?
- I don't know.

- What are you doing?
- Giving blood.

- Why?
- Because you told me to.

Oh, well, that was in a moment
of panic. I'm much better now.

You guilted me into this
and I already signed up.

I have to go through this
so I don't look chicken?

I can get you out of it, tell them
your mom's about to deliver.

- Is she?
- No, but...

Forget it. If Mom can give birth
to two babies,

I can stand having
a needle in my arm.

- Are we ready here?
- Don't leave me.

- I'll come back.
- Help.

Okay, focus on me.

Now focus on the door.
Now take a deep breath

and focus on me
going through the door.

Why are you holding
Matt's hand?

No reason.

Go see how your mom's doing.

- In there?
- Yes. Go ahead.

- How is she?
- I've never seen her like that.

I've never seen anyone like that,
except for Aunt Julie

before she quit drinking.

Well, they-- They gave her
something for the pain.

I think they gave her too much.
She kept calling me Ruthie.

In childbirth,
there's no such thing

as too much pain medicine.

Oh, by the way,
I met that Dr. Hastings, the one--

Who almost killed Matt?

Did you know
he does card tricks?

No, I did not know that.

- Mom's asking for you.
- Here you are.

Is Mom okay?

Oh, I'd say
she's more than okay.

- How are you?
- Okay, I guess.

No, you're not.

You sad because you're away
from Jordan on Valentine's Day?

Kind of, yeah.

- Hi, Mary.
- Where do you think you're going?

I hear they have a pool
here somewhere.

Well, you're not going swimming.
Mom's having the babies.

I know, but when
is she having them?

We've been here forever.

Did I take this long
to show up or what?

Actually, I think
you took a lot longer.

Well, I'm never gonna
have babies.

I'm gonna be an astronaut
and live on the moon.

Earth is starting to bore me.

Well, I think you'd make
a great astronaut.

- That is a great dream.
- Thanks.

And don't let anyone ever
talk you out of your dream.

- Like Simon?
- Like anybody.

What if I change my mind?

Could I be a mommy
and an astronaut?

Yeah, there are women astronauts
who are mommies.

So you could do both,
or neither, or one or the other.

Women can do anything
that men can do.

- But men can't have babies.
- Right.

But it's hard to have babies
without them.

You know, women can do
anything men can do,

only of course,
we can't have babies.

And some of us
can't even give blood.

Why do you want more brothers,
so you can turn on them too?


I want the twins to be boys
so I can be the big brother.

I wanna be the big brother
who teaches them

how to eat a whole loaf
of bread in one sitting.

The big brother who teaches them
how to drink a gallon of water,

then burp the national anthem.

The big brother who teaches them
how to build a fort

out of the couch cushions.

The big brother who teaches them
how to get static electricity

from sliding down
the church's carpet runner.

The big brother who lets
them borrow breath mints

for their first make-out party.

Matt, I wanna be just like you.

You just gave me the strength
to give blood.

I'm gonna do it.
I'm gonna give blood.

- You might wanna stop crying first.
- Okay. Okay.

- Randall, do you remember me?
- I hardly remember my own name.

- It's Randall.
- Who are you?

I'm your wife. Please--

- Give me your hand.
- Are you hurting again?

No, I'm feeling romantic!

You know, if you were the person
in this family

who had to give birth,
we'd be childless.

- Yes, we would.
- Hi, Mom. Hi, Dad.

- What's wrong?
- Oh, nothing. Nothing.

- Can I get my ear pierced?
- What?

Can we talk about this ear-piercing
some other time?

Sure. Sure. You guys look busy.
I'll come back.



Okay. I'm back.
I said, I'm back.

You're back,
but are you staying?

Good for you.

You do know that we're still
using needles to take the blood.

- Yeah.
- Have a seat.

Here? All right. Okay.

- Can I have a cookie?
- Cookie after.

Could Annie have some more
pain medication?

I think it may be time
to move on to an epidural.

You're getting close to delivery time.

Oh, yes. An epidural
sounds very nice, very nice.

What? What?

Okay, one baby's still
in a good position,

but the other baby has shifted

and is now in a breech,
or a butt-first position.


And both you and the babies
are still doing fine,

but I won't lie to you.
This is a definite complication.

- A bad complication?
- There are no good complications.

Look, I've delivered many
sets of twins normally

who were positioned just like Annie's.

After the first baby is born,

I'll have to turn the other baby
manually so that it can be delivered.

Will my babies be okay?

I'm gonna do everything in my power
to make sure they are.

Honey, maybe you should
have the C-section.

- Are you sure?
- I'm sure.

- They're girls. They're girls.
- What? Wait, they can't be.

Can you make that face again?

No, I can't, and don't do that to me.
That's not funny.

You're right. It was hilarious.

I hope you're watching this.
Have mercy.

Okay, won't be long now.

Baby 2 is still in a breech position,
but everything's looking good.

I'll be right back.

- I'm gonna go tell the kids.
- Don't go. I'm scared.

I'll tell the kids later.


Excuse me,

could I get a cookie
before I pass out?

Thank you.

Nice job, but I'm afraid
we'll need the bed back now.

You'll be all right. Go on now.
Go on.

Thank you. Thank you all,
and good night, Glenoak.

I can't explain it.

I was just led
to ask for an earring.

Just like I've been led
to ask you again

for the twins to be boys.

- I wish I could do this for you.
- It's okay, I just forgot.

Five kids and I forgot.
I always forget.

You know, I think that's the real
miracle of birth.

That knowing what it felt like
the first time and the second time

and the third and the fourth,
I'd still do this again.

This is the first time my mom
hasn't been here with us.

She's here in spirit.

Do you think the kids are gonna
sing to me after I have the twins?

It's Camden tradition,
but if you don't want them to, they--

Oh, I want them to.
No, I need them to.

Unless, of course,
something goes wrong.

Nothing's going to go wrong.

I gave blood.

- Why?
- Yeah, why?

Did you tell Matt to give blood?
Is something wrong?

Nothing is wrong, and I didn't tell Matt
to give blood.

- Are you the doctor who--?
- Almost killed you. Nice to meet you.

Hi. How are you?

Hello. Woman giving birth over here.

Someone tell me what's going on
or I'm going home.

Look, I--

I told Matt to give blood.

I thought he'd feel better
if he did something.

Okay, I thought I would feel better
if he did something.

Hey, I hear you do card tricks.

- I don't know.
- Who are you calling?

Jordan. I have to break up with him.

- Why you doing this?
- To be perfectly honest,

Jordan and I don't have that much
in common.

- And you just realised this?
- No. I've known for a long time.

I just didn't wanna believe it,

because number one,
he's incredibly cute,

and number two,
I took him away from you,

and frankly, that felt good.

That felt really good.
Empowering, in a way.

Why would taking something away
from me make you feel good?

Not that-- Not that a guy
is something. Jordan's a person.

I know that.

And for your information, we're not
competing against each other.

We're sisters. We're here
to help each other.

I know that.

And what is it with women
competing against women?

I mean, who's got the longest legs,

and who's got the biggest breasts,

and who looks better
in an evening gown,

or in a bathing suit?

And who can--? Who can throw
a flaming baton?

And who can catch the best-looking,
richest guy?

I mean, if we stopped
competing against each other,

we could rule the world.

I know that.

So could you help me
break up with Jordan, sister?

I mean, I may have been wrong
about the whole competing thing,

but you did get me into this.


Dad said this was the first day
of the rest of our lives too,

and I want the first day of mine
to start without Jordan.

Well, if that's what you want, Luce,
then I wish you luck

because it's not gonna be easy.

It's not something I can help you with,
and I can't do it for you.

I wish I could, but I can't.

- You know it's Valentine's Day, right?
- Yep.

Dr. Henry, Dr. James Henry,
please report to Admitting.

Do you have any quarters?

I only have a couple,
and it may take a while.

Jordan? Happy Valentine's Day.
We need to talk.

It's gonna be a while.



- Yes?
- Simon Camden?

God? Is that you?

- I'm not God, kid.
- Where's God?

Most people believe
he's in heaven.

- So where are you?
- I'm back here.

That is not funny.

I think it's pretty funny,

and Mom's getting ready to have
those babies, so let's go. Come on.


Stop touching me.

That's what got us into this situation
in the first place.

And if you tell me to stare at Bunny
one more time,

both you and Bunny
are gonna get it.

That's right.

Okay, Annie, you're fully dilated
in the final stage of labour.

What do you say we do a little pushing
and deliver these babies?

What's Mom doing?

What do you mean, what's she doing?
She's giving birth.

- Finally.
- Where's Lucy?

Don't move, I'll be right back.

Luce, honey, you can't
tie up the phone.

People need to make phone calls
relating to hospital business,

or life-and-death business.

By the way, your mom
is giving birth now.

She's waited all this time,
can't she just slow down

for a couple of minutes?
I'm breaking up with Jordan.

- What did you just say?
- I'm breaking up with Jordan.

Right now?

Okay, back it up.
Let's give her a little room.

You heard me.
Back it up, back it up.

Come on. This isn't the only payphone
in the hospital.

Take all the time you need,
but your mom is having the babies.

Don't let me miss this birth

like I've missed every other
major Camden event.

I really can't control this,
but I'll do my best.

Okay, where were we?

- Hey, what's wrong, Luce?
- Nothing.

Hey, just give her some space.
She just broke up with Jordan.

Another one bites the dust.

Okay, Annie, this is it.

The first baby's crowning.
I can see its head.

When I tell you, I need one good push,
and then you'll be a mother again.

- Okay.
- Okay. Big push.

The eagle has landed.
We have a baby.

- Oh, I love you.
- I love you too.

Congratulations, Annie,
you have yourself--

Oh, no, wait. Let Eric tell me.


The baby looks good

and healthy.

Okay, one more,
we can all go home.

Second baby's heart rate is dropping.
We need to get that baby out now.

Everything is going to be okay.

We're in this together, so I'm gonna
tell you everything I do before I do it.

- I need to rotate the baby first.
- What does that mean?

- It means he's gonna rotate the baby.
- How?

Just turn away.

I need you to relax
and breathe, Annie.


I can't feel your pain
for you, Annie,

but if I could I'm sure
I'd really be bad at it,

so we're in this together.
No turning away.

Everything's gonna be just fine.

I'm just overwhelmed, okay?

What with Mom and the babies
and breaking up with Jordan,

I just felt like crying.

- How did Jordan take the news?
- It's Valentine's Day.

- How do you think he took it?
- Like a man?

Not exactly, but you know,
he is the sentimental type.

Jordan was a great boyfriend.

He was always so polite and respectful
and kind and considerate.

- So why'd you break up with him?
- Because it was all a lie.

No matter how great he is,

I just don't care about him
the same way he cares about me.

Then that was a very
brave thing you did.

You done? She's my sister too.

Just so you know,
this is how I see it.

I didn't like Jimmy Moon at all.

He was just okay.

And I liked Rod a little bit.
He was decent.

But I liked Jordan a lot.
He was a good guy.

So the next one I'll probably
be crazy about

because he'll be a great guy,
and you deserve great.

- Dad, how's Mom?
- What's going on?

Dad, are you okay?

We have a new baby.

I'm an older sister.

A boy or a girl?
A boy or a girl?

Your mom wants to be the one
to tell you that.

Mom's okay, right?

The doctor said you should
come back in now.

No, wait, Dad said we had a new baby.
Isn't it supposed to be babies?

You know, I remember
the day you were born.

I was Simon's age,
and I was a little scared.

- More than when you gave blood?
- Much more.

Having a baby's scary,
but it's also really exciting.

It's so wonderful when you get to see
little babies for the first time.

I couldn't wait to hold you,
and in fact, there was a big fight

over who got to hold you first.

I'm not surprised.
I must've been pretty cute.

You still are.

Okay, this is it.

The second baby
is turned and crowning.

Do you have one more push
left in you?

Squeeze away.

- I'm ready.
- Okay, big push. Big push.

Those are cheers for a boy.
I know it. I just know it.

- Can we go in now?
- No. It'll be a while.

They wanna make the babies look their
best before they meet everyone.

I'd like you all to meet
David and Samuel,

your new brothers.

Thank you.

And so we hereby
initiate our new brothers

into the Camden clan

with a couple of cupcakes
and a song.

You know, this is a tradition
that Matt started

when we brought Mary home
from the hospital and he sang to me.

We thought it was so sweet
that we've done it

with each new member
of the family.

- Even me?
- Yes. Even you.

Okay, everybody.

One and two,
and one, two, three.

Who can turn the world on
With her smile?

Who can take a nothing day

And suddenly make it all
Seem worthwhile?

Well it's you, girl
And you should know it

With each glance
And every little movement you show it

Love is all around
No need to waste it

You can have the town
Why don't you take it?

You're gonna make it after all

You're gonna make it after all

I love that song.
Where did you learn that?

You're gonna make it after all


I'm gonna sing that song
to Mommy

when she and Daddy
bring new baby home

from the hospital.

My mommy loves Mary Tyler Moore.

Matt, that is so sweet.

But you know, that's a very hard
song to sing.

Well, I can do it if you help me.

Well, then, let's start practising.

- Okay.
- Okay.

Who can turn the world on
With her smile?

Who can take a nothing day
And suddenly make...

- I miss Grandma.
- Me too.

Since Grandma's in heaven
and babies come from heaven,

maybe she sent us Samuel and David
until we could all be together again.

That could be.

Well it's you, girl
And you should know it

With each glance
And every little movement you show it

Love is all around
No need to waste it

You could have the town
Why don't you take it?

You're gonna make it after all

You're gonna make it after all