7th Heaven (1996–2007): Season 3, Episode 1 - It Takes Two, Baby - full transcript

Whew!

Hey, you.

Me?

How is it that I'm the one
who has to watch

every single morsel of food

that I put into my mouth,

and yet those crumbs
turn into pounds,

and more pounds and more pounds,

despite the fact
that I've already puked up

most of what I ate
the day before

by the time I get out of bed
the next morning. Uh-huh.



Yeah. We're fat and we're sick.

And tired. You know,
I am really, really tired.

It's not like having a baby
at 20 or 30. I am...

Old.

Heh.

And I've got 6 months to go.

6 more months.

6 months of trying
to wear clothes...

That make me look...

Like you're having a baby.

Our baby.

Yeah, our big fat baby.

Yeah, she's right, you know?

You know that I was 7
months pregnant with Matt



before I was
in maternity clothes?

And now, at 3 months,
look at me, huh?

I'm fat!

I'm old, I'm tired, and I'm fat.

Yeah, I can't get in
nothin' of mine neither.

You can't get into
anything, ruthie,

and you don't fit
into your clothes

'cause you're getting bigger, and
that's 'cause you're getting older.

Yeah. Just like mommy.

Ha!

All right. It's ok.

Honey, it's gonna be ok.

It's not gonna be ok. It's
only gonna get worse.

I'm only gonna get fatter and
older and tireder and fatter.

And then when I'm at my fattest and
oldest and tiredest and fattest,

then I have to give birth

to my fattest baby ever,

probably with
a world-record head.

You see?

It's not fair. Mm-hmm.

Yeah, if you ask me,

the only thing that you daddies
have to do with making a baby

is the fun part.

Yeah.

♪♪ 7th heaven ♪♪

♪♪ When I see their happy faces
smilin' back at me ♪♪

♪♪ 7th heaven ♪♪

♪♪ I know there's
no greater feelin' ♪♪

♪♪ Than the love of a family ♪♪

♪♪ Where can you go ♪♪

♪♪ When the world
don't treat you right? ♪♪

♪♪ The answer is home ♪♪

♪♪ That's the one place
that you'll find ♪♪

♪♪ 7th heaven ♪♪

♪♪ Mmm, 7th heaven ♪♪

♪♪ 7th heaven ♪♪

Dad.

Careful. Don't make me lose
my concentration,

or I might forget something,
and we don't want that,

because the whole key
to my life right now is focus.

Focus, focus, focus.

What?! Dad.

I... i just want to know if
mom was feeling any better.

She can't fit into her pants, ok?
She can't fit into her pants.

She's not gonna feel happy
until she can.

I've been down this road 5 times,
and it's a long, cranky road.

Meanwhile, I have to
find someplace to take her

for our 20th anniversary

that's appropriately romantic, yet
doesn't remind her that I'm the one

that got her too big
to fit into her pants.

I remember when you put on a few pounds.
You were cranky, too.

Yeah, but that was different.

I wasn't providing
a nurturing environment

for a developing human being,

and I have to say
that if I were...

I think I'd be thrilled. I'd...

I'd be elated. I'd be...

Miserable.

You know, you think
you know what it's like,

but you don't.

You really don't.
You know nothing.

Nothing.

Hey, are you gonna drop the kids
off on the way to registration?

Well, it's not exactly
on the way.

Uh... yes, of course I can.

Uh, anything else
I can do for you?

Uh... Yes.

If you ever get married, and
your wife is ever pregnant,

just admit that she's the
one having the baby,

not the two of you,
not you and her, just her.

She's having the baby.
The woman has the baby.

Ok? Just do me that one favor.

Promise.

And don't make promises
you can't keep.

Ok.

Yes, I'm wearing your pants.

Whew.

Hang in there.

It's only what, 6 months?

Yes, son.

And while I try

to balance the demands
of the church

with those of
my pregnant wife...

You'll be right here
sharing the misery and joy

with your dear old dad.

Not if I can help it. I'm gonna
check out housing today,

just in case they had
a cancellation.

I saved my money this summer.

I thought you were going to
get a car with your money.

The way I see it, a car
gets me away from the house

during the day,
whereas a room on campus

gets me away day and night.

Yet I'm still close by

if I ever want to visit
or eat or do laundry.

Or borrow the car.

Yeah.

We only have 2 cars
in this family,

and Mary... god help us... is going to
be driving in a matter of weeks.

That still leaves one car.

Yes, it leaves my car.

You saw the pants, dad.

You're not going anywhere. Ha.

Yeah.

I'm telling you,

I know why I lost
Kenny this summer,

and that's because I wasn't
following the rules.

The rules?

The gigantic best-selling book
ever on how to get a man.

There's a book?

Yeah. And I'm
following this book

no matter what.

Whoever the next guy is
that I go out with

is the guy that
I'm going to marry.

I'm telling you,
there are no rules.

Each guy is different. Every
relationship is different.

Yeah, well, if you're
such an expert,

maybe Wilson would have thought
about sticking around town

to go to college.

Well, maybe
I didn't want him to.

Maybe I like going out
with lots of guys.

What lots of guys?

Nothing for me.

Just some soda crackers

and maybe something
that fizzes, please.

Maybe your tummy will be better
by lunchtime. Mommy's always is.

Give me an extra paper bag
just in case it isn't.

Just in case what isn't?

My morning sickness.

Oh, give it up. You are not
sick.

You are not tired and you are
not fat!

You're just trying to get
attention.

Mommy!

Yeah. They get hurt,
and they always ask for mommy,

even when dad's standing
right there.

Simon.

It would be a great help

if you could just be a
little nicer to ruthie.

This isn't an easy time for her.

It's not an easy time
for me either, dad.

I know that, but ruthie's
just a little girl, ok?

Yeah, you say that like being a little
girl's a weakness or something.

I mean, if you believe
girls are weak,

try spending a day in my shoes.

Simon, let's go!

That's not what I meant.
I didn't mean that at all.

You didn't mean what at all?

I just told Simon to be a
little nicer to ruthie

because she's a little
girl, meaning that...

Oh, I know what you meant.

And if you think women
are so delicate,

why don't you try passing
an 8-pound kidney stone.

Anything I can do today

to make your life just a
little easier, honey?

Yes, if you wanted to, you
could go to the market for me.

Oh, I'd be delighted.

Here's the list.

Stick to it.

Ok.

Ann.

Would you change
places with Laura

so she can see the board?

This is going to be
a very good year for us.

I don't believe in going
anywhere without my lipstick.

It's a rule.

A rule, huh?

Just how many of these
stupid rules are there?

They're not stupid.

They work.

That's why I'm a rules girl.

I bet I can get
more guys than you can

by breaking all the rules.

This isn't a contest.

It isn't about who can
get the most guys.

It's about who can get the guy.

It's about finding
the love of your life.

Well, let the finding begin.

Guess who.

I don't know,

but I'd like to
take my time guessing.

Surprised?

Hey, I didn't know you were
going to college here.

Yeah, I'm going to audit
a few courses this fall,

and if I do ok, then I'll
officially enroll in January

and become a regular student
like everybody else.

That's great.
I'm sure you'll do fine.

Thanks. So what
are you looking for?

Oh, uh...

A room, an apartment to share,

a big cardboard box. Anything to
get out of my parents' house.

I was away all summer in D.C.

And trying to fit in
back has been

a little harder than anticipated

really?

Me and my 2 girlfriends are
looking for a fourth roommate

for a 2-bedroom.

It's walking distance to campus.

Me and...

3 women?

Why not?

Hey!

This little piggy
went to market,

and I got some fantastic grub.

On-the-list grub?

Uh, that, too.

You know what I was thinking?

I'm thinking that, uh,

maybe I'll cook up
a little anniversary dinner

for the two of us tomorrow,

and then I'll send the kids off

so we can have the house
all to ourselves. How's that?

Ok. But first of all, I
know you're only doing that

because I'm wearing your pants

and you're ashamed
to be seen with me.

And secondly, you can't cook.

And thirdly, I'm not crazy
about the way you clean up,

so thanks, but I don't think so.

But, honey, it's our...
It's our 20th anniversary.

I'd like to do something
nice for you.

Well, fine. Then find somewhere
that doesn't serve chicken

where I can wear these pants.

That would be nice.

Ok. Why can't they
serve chicken?

Because I had my last
chicken last night,

and I'm never
eating chicken again.

I don't want to hear
the word chicken,

I don't want to look at
it, feel it, taste it,

or smell it ever again,

as long as I live.

Chicken was not on the list.

I know. I'll take care of it.

I'm exhausted.

Must be all of this extra weight
I've been carrying around.

Honey, how about a nap?

I'll meet you on
the living room couch.

Don't ask.

Hello.

Uh, yeah. Just a moment, please.

It's for Mary.

I'll tell her, dad.

Mary!

Phone!

That should do it.

Thanks, Simon.

Yeah, no problem.

Sure, I'd love
to go out Friday night.

Great. So just give me
a call before you come over.

All right.
I'll see you then. Bye.

Oh, I guess that
makes the score 1-nothing.

This is not a contest.

Ooh, I'll get it.

Hello?

Oh, hey, Jordan.

It's for me.

Oh, thanks, Jordan.
I wish I could,

but I'm not allowed
to go out on a school night.

But you could come over and we
could shoot some hoops tonight.

Cool.

Ok, bye.

2-zip.

Maybe I should cut
my hair even shorter.

This is not a contest.

Oh, yes, it is.

So, can I get you two some
pillows and a blanket?

You feeling ok?

I'm just a little tired.

Me, too.

So, uh...

How's your housing search going?

Uh, pretty well.
You remember Connie.

Sure.

Yeah, well, I ran into
her on campus,

and she and 2 other girls
want me to move in with them.

Move in? You and 3 women?

It's not definite yet.

Look, I know
what you're thinking,

but it's not like
when you were in school.

It's very common for men and
women to share housing.

We're more mature at our age

than you were.

Connie and I are just friends.

They have an apartment

within walking distance
to campus.

So if we split the rent 4 ways,

it's actually cheaper than a dorm.
Probably quieter.

Well...

It's your life,

and it's your money.

Right.

She can have your room painted
like a nursery in 24 hours,

so just make sure you know
what you're doing, ok.

You don't know
what you're doing.

He is really cool. Laid
back. He's the perfect roommate.

Well, he is nice?

Very.

He is the oldest
in a big family.

So he knows how to share.

And he is very responsible.

We are not going to
be able to walk around

in the apartment in our
underwear with a guy here.

I'm more worry about him walking
around in his underwear.

Who wants to see that?

Look just give me a chance.

Hi, Matt. Hi.

Come in.

Hi.

Hi.

Hello.

Hey.

So, when can you move in?

I think maybe you should
introduce yourselves first.

Uh, Amanda, Charlotte,
this is Matt.

Hi.

Hi.

Nice to meet you. Both of you.

Matt, why don't I show you

what would be your bedroom.

The three of us are going
to take the bigger one.

Whoa.

Nice.

Very nice.

Gor-geous.

I'll give it a go.

I'm game.

So what did you think?

Looks great.

Ok, but if we're gonna do this,

I think we should have
some rules.

Sure. Of course. Rules.

Oh, absolutely.

Like what?

Like, uh, no one dates anyone.

Oh, that's right.

That wouldn't work at all.

Yeap.

No. What else?

Um, no sleep-over guests.

And no parties,
unless we all agree.

And I think we should split
everything evenly, you know.

That includes rent, groceries,

and the electric bill.

So... There's no reason
why this shouldn't work out.

Right?

Right.

So, you think maybe you guys will
win a few games this season?

We'd better. I think we
have a pretty good shot

at the district, but were going
to need a lot better play

from our guards this year.

Yeah. So do the Lakers.

Ouch.

Laura, I have to
get off the phone.

I have to study for the test.

But I thought we could
study for the test together.

On the phone?

Yeah. But we don't have
to study the whole time.

We can talk about other stuff.

I can't.

There's only one phone
line in this house.

Then you should just come over.

I can't. It's a school night.

Well, then you should
sneak out and come over.

That would never work.

I mean, even if I could
sneak out,

I'd never be able
to sneak back in.

There are 7 people
in this house.

So just tell your parents
I forgot my book

and I have to borrow yours.

Just to copy the pages.

It won't take that long.

I can't.

Don't you want to be
my boyfriend?

I love being your girlfriend.

Uh, hey, dad, could you drive
me over to Laura's house?

She forgot her history book.

She wants to borrow mine
just to copy the pages.

Well, i... you know,
I'm kind of busy.

Can't Laura's dad just
drive her over here?

Her dad's not home.

Besides, we don't have
a copier. She does.

Look, I'm going to help you
find your keys

whether you decide
to take me or not.

Ok. Ok.

I'll drop you off,

I'll swing by the church,
pick up my notes

for my sermon, and then
pick you back up.

Thanks. I must have
left them there

when I was unloading
the groceries.

Dad, mom wants something
from the dairy shack.

Banana split. I'll come along.

Fine. All I need is my
wallet and we're all set.

No, no. We'll just
get you something.

You don't have to come along.

I have to drop Simon off
at his friend's house.

Who, Laura?
Since when did everyone

start dating on school nights?

It's not a date.

I want to go, too.

Mommy said I could.

Do you all have to come?

Is it a date or isn't it?

It's not a date.
Simon doesn't date.

Oh, hey, you guys, um...

This is my friend Jordan.

Hi.

Oh. Hi.

Nice to meet you. Hey.

There's something really
familiar about your dad.

Hello, Mrs. Camden.

Hi, Connie. How are you?

I'm fine, thank you.

I like those pants.
Those are very cool.

Oh, thank you.
And, yes, I'm pregnant.

Congratulations!
Matt didn't tell me.

I... i didn't know
if I was supposed to.

Well, I don't think
I'm going to be able

to keep it a secret much longer.

Uh, well, do you need some help
doing whatever you're doing?

Oh, I'd love some help.

You see, I can't take
anything chicken right now.

Well, you know, we could
take all the chicken

over to our new apartment.

Oh... you're moving.

Yeah. I just came by
to get a couple things.

The girls thought
it would be fun

if all of us were there
for our first night.

I also thought we'd feel safer

with the apartment
being new to all of us.

Uh, well, why don't I go up

and put a few things
together for you?

Oh, that's ok, mom. I'll do it.

Uh, no. You two get the chicken.

It's just so icky.

Uh... uh... that was nice,

but, um... What about the rules?

The rules.

Sorry.

We'll be like brother
and sister, I promise.

Oh. All right.

Hey.

My dad's gonna swing back by

in about 15 minutes
to pick me up.

Great. 15 minutes.

Hi there, Simon.

How does he know my name?

Because you're
my boyfriend, silly.

Wait, I thought you said
your dad wasn't home.

That's why my dad
had to drive me over.

Besides all that, what's
he going to think of me?

It's ok. We're an
affectionate family.

Look, I think we'd
better just copy this stuff.

We don't have a copier.

You lied.

Of course I lied.

You wanted to
see me, didn't you?

That'll be 13.75, please.

Ok.

Uh, there's just
a little problem.

This isn't my wallet.

It seems that I left
my wallet at home,

which... no, no, no.

The thing is, my wife
is having a baby,

and, well, you know how that is.

Or not.

Look, mister,
I don't own the dairy shack,

I just work here.
You know how that is.

Right.

Do you have the money or not?

The one time I need
the bank of Simon.

Ok, well, I'll just...

Ah! Well, uh, would you
be willing to hold on

to this $100 bill until
I can come back

with something a little smaller?

It's ok. I'm the minister

at the glenoak community church.

Sure you are, buddy. So this
picture of a naked lady

must be a Saint.

What?

It fell out of your wallet.

It did? I mean,
it's not my wallet.

My dad borrowed
100 bucks from you.

You have lipstick on your face.

I believe this belongs to you.

I thought it was my son Matt's.

Oh, yeah, like Matt
has a jacket that cool.

Hey, it's ok.

Uh, I took this by mistake, too.

And, well, since I didn't
have my wallet,

I owe you 13.75.

No, actually, I owe you 100

because they're holding
your 100 hostage.

Oh, the 100?

My dad makes me keep it
for car emergencies.

It's not really mine to spend.

Pay me anytime.

Ok. Uh...

How old are you?

17. I'm a senior.

Oh. Uh... Just... Just curious.

When's the last time you shaved?

Right before I came over.

Uh, all the men in my
family have heavy beards.

You know, uh, high
testosterone levels.

It's a hereditary thing.

High testosterone. Oh, goody.

Be right back.

What? What's wrong?

Is that the biggest
one they make?

Yes.

I can always go back
for another one.

No, you don't have to go back.

I have to go back anyway.

There's money in the coffee
can in the kitchen cupboard.

Ok.

I'm getting your friend's money

and another banana split.

He just left. He said you
could pay him back later.

Oh. Uh...

Your friend, uh,
also had a picture

of a naked woman in his wallet.

Just out of curiosity,
how do you feel about that?

Well, I feel like
every time you ask me

how I feel about something,

you don't want to know
how I feel,

you want to tell me
how you feel.

Oh. In that case,
I don't like it.

Mmm.

I also don't like
that he has $100.

Get me a chocolate shake.

Chocolate shake, right.
Chocolate shake.

I found my wallet.

See? This is my wallet.

So the wallet with the
picture of the naked woman

I had before wasn't mine.

As you can see,
this is my wallet,

with my money.

I was supposed to get the money

from the kitchen
cupboard on my way out,

but I forgot because
I got distracted

by the owner of
the other wallet.

You're starting
to give me the creeps.

Yeah.

Can I help?

Thanks. I think I got it.

I feel really cheap taking this,

but if I don't keep
that 100 in my wallet,

my father will kill me.

Does he make you
keep that picture

of the naked woman
in your wallet, too?

It's not what you think.

My brother gave me this
wallet as a birthday gift,

and he put the picture
in as a joke.

I've just never taken it out.

Does Lucy know about
the picture, too?

How come I never see her around?

Oh, she's a rulesgirl.

She doesn't get around.

What's a rulesgirl?

They have, like,
this handbook or something

with all these rules in it for
getting a guy to marry you.

How old is Lucy? 14.

Isn't she a little young

to be thinking about marriage?

Yeah, I know. Crazy.

Uh, hey, Mary, are we still
on for Friday night?

Yep, we're on.

Look, I'll talk
to you later, ok?

And tell your dad
thanks for the money.

Ok.

Oh, hey, Brad.

Did you hear they're doing

another Star Trek festival

at the rialto this weekend?

Yeah, you want to go?

Saturday?

It's a date. All right.

So how are those rules
working for you?

This isn't a popularity contest.

Fine. I'll just look at it
as an experiment in proving

that the rules don't work.

They work. I'm sure they work.

Please let them work.

Hi, sweetie pie.

I, uh, stopped by that
deli that you like

and I picked up
some vegetable soup,

a tuna salad, and...
A fruit smoothie.

How does that sound?

Like you think I'm fat,

so you're buying me health food.

You're not fat,
you're beautiful.

Have you seen me from behind?

Yeah.

And?

Beautiful.

I'm huge.

You're not huge.

I am huge!

Honey, if I could be
huge for you, I would,

but I can't.

So you're saying that you
agree with me that I'm huge.

No, it's not what
I'm saying at all.

You're the most beautiful
woman in the world to me.

Maybe to you, but to
the rest of the world...

Forget the rest of the world.

You and me and the
kids, that's my world.

I can't believe we've been
married for 20 years.

I want to do something really
special for our anniversary.

You know, whatever you want.

How about Chuck E. Cheese?

We haven't had pizza lately.

And why aren't we in school?

I don't know about you, but
I wasn't feeling too well.

Oh.

I'm a little gassy.

Oh.

Honey, why don't we
go into the backyard

and have lunch
and sit in the sunshine?

That will make us feel better.

Is this a good idea?

I mean letting her
come home from school.

I mean, we let her play this
pregnancy thing all summer,

but now that school's
back in, shouldn't we...

She's in the second grade,
not the space program.

How much can she miss?

Right. Right.

What?

That is not tuna,
that's chicken!

No, no, no, I swear, it's tuna.

No, I know how you
feel about chicken,

so I made sure it's tuna.

I know chicken when I smell
it, and that's chicken!

I hate chicken!
I can't take chicken!

No problem. I can make tuna.

Top right!

Top right!

We must be out.

It was on the list yesterday.

And so it was.
You're absolutely right.

Um, I'll be right back
with some tuna

if I have to catch
the fish myself.

Do you mind doing a few
errands while you're out?

I'd love to.

Matt.

Amanda.

So, how'd you sleep last night?

Fine.

I saw you last night
in the kitchen.

Oh, I don't know what you saw,

but there's nothing going on
between me and Charlotte.

Well, let me just say that
I want to be next in line

for that same nothing.

Oh, boy.

Hey, you guys, we
got our first mail.

Well, it's addressed
to occupant,

but it was in our mailbox.

I gotta get to class.

Ok, what's going on?

Hmm. Nothing.

Nothing with me, anyway.

Ok, you two, what
exactly is going on?

Sorry. I couldn't help myself.

He was practically
showing me his answers.

Mm-hmm.

Well, in that case,
I guess you both

can take the test over
after school,

in detention.

At least we'll be together.

Hey, rule breaker.

Amanda says she saw you
kiss Charlotte last night.

Actually, it was Charlotte
that kissed me,

and it's not going
to happen again.

You're right it's not
going to happen again,

because you're moving out.

Wait. Why do I have to move?

Why can't Charlotte move out?

Because you're the problem.

I'm not the problem.

And for your information,

Amanda came on to me, too.

As a matter of fact, so did you.

Oh, and you did nothing to
make any of us come on to you.

No, I didn't.

Do you know what you are?

You are just... You're just...

You're a guy.

Hi.

Hi.

Nice color.

Oh, thanks.

Are you free Saturday night?

Free?

Available.

Would you like to go out?

Tomorrow night?

Yes, tomorrow night.

"Never accept a date
after Wednesday."

Sorry, I already have plans.

Otherwise I'd love to go out.

Well, what about
next Saturday night?

Saturday would be nice.

Uh, but there is this one thing.

Aren't you dating my sister?

We didn't exactly go out.

I mean, we played basketball.

Besides, I'm not
interested in Mary

as anything other than a friend.

I see.

So are we on?

Sure. But who's
going to tell Mary?

I'll make you a deal.

I'll tell Mary if
you'll tell your dad.

Ok. See you next Saturday.

Oh, but do me a favor.

Toss that picture, would you?

Yeah.

What was that?

Um, Jordan was looking for you.

He has something
he wants to tell you.

Hey.

How'd you get home?

I took the bus
so I could get the car.

What happened
that was so serious

that you had to resort to
public transportation?

I'm moving out,
that's what happened.

But it's not my fault.
I didn't do anything.

Well, you did something.
You moved in.

So?

So, just take responsibility.

For what?

For possibly not making

the best decision in the world.

You know, why is everyone
blaming me for all this?

I don't even know
what all this is.

And... no, I'm not blaming you at all.
No blame.

Sounds like blame.

No, no, no. No blame.
No. Again I'm... no.

I'm talking about
taking responsibility,

which is a very attractive
quality in a person,

even if you assume
responsibility

for something that's
clearly and solely

the fault of another person

who absolutely can't control

what she's doing or saying.

Are you talking to me or you?

I'm delaying going
into the house. Why?

Well, I think you might
want to take responsibility

for getting mom
in a better mood.

Because in a way,
we could blame you.

You know what? I can get
her in a better mood,

and I know just how
I'm going to do it.

Oh, you finished already, Laura?

Sorry about before, Ms. Hanover.

I really wasn't cheating.

I know the material really well.

I kind of have
a photographic memory.

I was just looking
at Simon's paper

to see how well he was doing.

You know, because
he's my boyfriend.

100%.

But next time, keep your
eyes on your own paper,

even if Simon is your boyfriend.

Look, I'm desperate.
You've gotta help me.

Look... Please.

It... it...

Well, it's our
anniversary, and...

No... no, any time that
you have available.

Yeah. Yes. Yes, I'll hold.

I would love to know how
you stole my boyfriend.

Boyfriend? You just played
basketball with him once.

It was still a date.

Not really.

Oh, yeah? I kissed him
good night.

Ha! Bet you didn't know
that, did you, rulesgirl?

I don't care,
because you know why?

Kiss or no kiss,

you lose and I win.

Or if you want to look
at it in another way,

I win and you lose. Ha ha.

Hey, you're the one who
wanted to turn this

into a big popularity contest.

Ok, maybe I did,

but I only did it
because I was annoyed

that you blamed
yourself for Kenny.

It wasn't your fault
that things didn't work out,

and I didn't want you
to start playing some game

with these rules
and then start thinking

that you were a loser
when they didn't work out.

But I guess sometimes they do.

I'm sorry I went off on you.

I'm really lucky
to have you as a sister.

Why, 'cause my dates
like you best?

Yeah.

You can't keep doing
what you're doing.

You're gonna ruin me.

Ruin you how, financially?

No, morally.

You're really upset, aren't you?

That's cute.

I'm not cute.

Sure you are.

And don't worry,

I'm sure it won't
ruin you morally.

But if it makes you
feel any better,

I think you're going to
make me a better person.

I believe that. I really do.

Yeah, I'm not so sure.

I am. You're the nicest
guy in the whole world,

and I'm just crazy about you.

Look, if we're going to be
boyfriend and girlfriend,

there have to be some rules.

First of all, no cheating,

no making out
in front of your dad,

and no lying to my dad.

Thanks for packing my things.

You really shouldn't have
since this was all my fault.

So you did kiss her?

Let's just say I...
Didn't not kiss her.

And that's not the same to me

as it probably is to you.

But who kissed whom
isn't the problem here.

The problem is...
Living with 3 women

is probably not going
to work out for me.

I'm just sorry
I didn't realize it

before I upset everyone.

Well, thanks for apologizing.

And even though you're not
going to be a roommate,

maybe we can still be friends.

Yeah, I'd like to be
friends with you.

But I'm really attracted to you,

so that might not work out.

It's a very nice compliment.

It's the truth.

So, should I call you?

Well, actually, I'm
going to concentrate

on my studies right now.

But, uh, once I get
in school officially,

then I'd love to
go out with you again.

You mean like in January?

Well, I guess this is
good luck, good-bye,

and I hope to see you in 1999.

Happy anniversary.

I made some plans, but we
need to be there by 5:30.

Hmm.

It's 4:30. It's now.

Yeah, well, you can
wear whatever you want.

Even those pants.

Oh, it must be
a really nice place.

Let's just say they
don't serve chicken.

Oh, yeah. Ha ha.

Oh, ok, ok, I'll try,

but only because
it's our anniversary.

Can you help me?

Yeah. Thank you.

What are we going
to do with ruthie?

Well, you just leave
it all up to me.

5:30.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Great.

Girls, I need a favor.

Anything.

I talked your mom into going out

and I need you to keep
an eye on ruthie tonight.

Why anything?

Because I need a favor, too.

I want permission

to go out on a date
next Saturday night

with a really nice guy.

Oh, I'm sure that's probably ok

as long as we know the guy.
Do we know the guy?

How would you feel about
my going out with Jordan?

I'd feel lousy about it.

Still, you trusted
Mary with him,

so you trust me with him, right?

I trust Mary. I trust you.

I don't trust him.

But I'll try to change my mind.

Just make sure that
ruthie is taken care of,

and Simon, but don't let Simon know
that he's being taken care of.

He's an adult now, and
he has a girlfriend,

who, by the way,
I don't trust, either.

I got a date!

Ok. Now.

Aah!

Well?

You're the best.

Just stay right where you are.

I want to get the door for you.

This is the best anniversary
we've ever had.

Yeah, it's pretty great,
isn't it?

I don't care if I'm
old or fat or tired.

We're going to have a baby.

Yep, and we have
a really clear picture.

Oh. Whoa. Well.

We'll have to take
your word for it

'cause I can't make out a thing.

Let me help you with that.

Yeah? Little head.

Look. Oh.

Sort of.

Thanks for going
shopping with me.

You could have worn my pants.

I feel much better
in this. Thanks.

Ah, let's see. Uh...

Maybe we should start
with the wallet.

Oh, well.

Uh, we'll have
a couple of burgers,

fries, 2 diet sodas,

and a...

A super-size banana split.

Mmm, 2.

Got it. So is that
the chick in the photo?

Her? Yeah, that's right.

That's the woman in the photo.
Oh, yeah, that's her.

Man, you're like
no minister I know.

Maybe I will go to church.

This is great!

Well, I don't know
how great it is,

but it is a chicken-free
environment.

Ahem.

What are you doing here?

What's all this?

Well, we, uh, knew
where to find you,

and this is just
our way of saying...

Happy anniversary.

Well, hey, wait a minute.
Where's ruthie?

♪♪ Yes, sir, that's my baby ♪♪

♪♪ No, sir,
I don't mean maybe ♪♪

♪♪ Yes, sir,
that's my baby now ♪♪

♪♪ Yes, ma'am, we've decided ♪♪

♪♪ No, ma'am,
we won't hide it ♪♪

♪♪ Yes, ma'am,
you're invited now ♪♪

Look at that.

Should we tell them?

Tell us what?

Go ahead.

We're having twins.

♪♪ Yes, sir, that's my baby ♪♪

♪♪ No, sir,
I don't mean maybe ♪♪

♪♪ Yes, sir,
that's my baby now ♪♪

♪♪ Yes, ma'am, we've decided ♪♪

♪♪ No, ma'am,
we won't hide it ♪♪

♪♪ Yes, ma'am,
you're invited now ♪♪

♪♪ By the way ♪♪

♪♪ By the way ♪♪

♪♪ When we reach
the preacher I'll say ♪♪

♪♪ I'll say ♪♪

♪♪ Yes, sir, that's my baby ♪♪

♪♪ No, sir,
I don't mean maybe... ♪♪