7th Heaven (1996–2007): Season 2, Episode 20 - Like a Harlot - full transcript
Matt is set up on a blind date for the prom, and finds out she is considered the school tramp. Mary and Lucy have dates for the prom but it turns out disastrous.
Oh, hi, boys.
It's nice to see you again, Kyle.
- Even if you weren't expecting me?
- Even then.
There's snacks in the fridge,
help yourselves.
- Is something wrong?
- Nothing.
- Okay.
- It's just that,
we had a rough day at school, yeah,
and we just wanna hang out and talk.
But not with you.
- With each other.
- Okay, talk away.
- Think she knows?
- I hope not.
- Did I look at her funny?
- No, did I?
No.
This is terrible.
Why did they have to show that film
in health class today? Why?
Today, our lives are changed forever.
- Yeah, forever.
- I wish I never would've seen it.
I mean, some things should be left
to the imagination.
Or National Geographic.
I mean, it's like going backstage
with the magician.
You just shouldn't see
how certain things are done.
I mean, who cares how monkeys
court other monkeys?
What good is that gonna do us
unless we, like,
date a girl with fleas in her hair?
It was like watching restricted cable
with a grown-up watching you to see
if you were thinking anything bad.
For me, it was like
the Nature Channel with attitude.
- You gonna tell your mom and dad?
- No way.
My parents have cornered me
for one talk after another after another.
I can't take another talk.
I've never talked to my parents
about sex.
Never?
You are so lucky.
When Ruthie came along,
I thought they'd never stop talking.
Hi, how was school?
Everybody's talking
about the senior prom.
It's prom fever.
Yeah, and we're just hoping
Matt doesn't have a date.
Oh, isn't that sweet?
Well, If he doesn't have a date,
he'll have to take one of us.
Ah. But who gets to go?
We've agreed to flip a coin.
You know,
as pretty and sweet as both of you are,
I just can't picture Matt taking
either one of his sisters to the prom.
The way we figure it,
he hardly speaks to us at school.
So with the right hair and makeup,
no one will ever know
he's related to either of us.
You sure you have enough there?
We could always come back
for more.
It's hard to look at girls
the same way after today.
They aren't girls, they're my sisters.
Yeah, but they sure are foxes.
Please, no animal references.
I don't mind being called a fox.
Oh, why are we
in such a good mood?
We heard that
Snappy the Stegosaurus,
only the coolest dinosaur
in the whole world,
is doing a live show tomorrow
in Glenoak.
I think we should go
and have a Snappy good time.
I'll try to arrange it, but don't get
your hopes up too high, okay?
You can do it, Mom. I know you can.
Mary and Lucy tell me that
you're still looking for a prom date.
- No, I'm not.
- Are you going?
Nope, the prom is pretty much
a couple thing. I'm not a couple.
Excuse me, Reverend,
do you have a minute?
- Of course, John. Please, come in.
- All right.
What can I do for you?
I hope you don't think
this is too personal,
but my daughter, Connie,
needs a date to the prom.
I see.
Or maybe I don't. How can I help?
I'm sorry,
I got a little ahead of myself.
Connie doesn't have a boyfriend.
She has lots of boys that are friends,
but no boyfriend,
and I don't know
how to help her with this stuff.
You know, she lost her mother
when she was 8,
and I'm afraid I haven't been
the greatest substitute mom.
I guess I'm still a little confused.
What is it that you want me to do?
I've got the perfect guy in mind to take
Connie to prom, but I need your help.
I was wondering if your son, Matt,
could possibly take Connie.
Well, I guess that, you know,
I could ask.
Oh, this is great. Thanks.
Well, I don't know if it's great,
because all I can do is ask.
You know how teenagers are,
they never do
what you want them to do.
And Matt may already
have a date for the prom.
Yes, in fact, I think he may
have mentioned a date, maybe.
No, no, he doesn't have a date.
The whole school is talking about it.
According to Connie,
Matt Camden is the only other senior
without a date for the prom.
Well, you sure are plugged into
the high school gossip mill, aren't you?
Thanks again.
[MUSIC PLAYING ON PHONE]
PHONE RECORDING:
Hi, your call is important to Snappy,
please don't hang up.
Your call is important to Snappy,
please don't hang up.
Your call is important to Snappy,
please don't hang up.
Your call is important to Snappy,
please don't hang up.
Your call is important to Snappy,
please don't hang up.
Your call is important to Snappy,
please don't hang up.
Your call is important to Snappy,
please don't hang up.
Your call is important to Snappy,
please don't hang up.
Your call is important to Snappy,
please don't hang up.
Your call is important to Snappy,
please don't hang up.
I can't take it anymore!
WOMAN: Hello, may I help you?
- Yes.
- Hello?
- Yes, I'm here.
I need two tickets
to the Snappy show.
I'm sorry,
Snappy's show is sold out.
You mean, I've been on hold
all this time for nothing?
Yes, you have.
Wait a minute, don't you have
two seats in the back row
or standing room
or something, anything?
No, I don't.
Okay, thank you, anyway.
No, thank you
and have a Snappy good day.
Ruthie, Mommy's got
some bad news.
The Snappy show,
it's been sold out for three weeks,
so I couldn't get tickets.
But I did make lasagna for dinner.
- Your favourite!
- No, thanks.
Now I'm too depressed to eat.
Do you know
what depressed means?
Yeah, it means no tickets to Snappy.
Bad day?
Well, it wasn't entirely bad,
just the afternoon part.
What happened in the afternoon?
John Gannon came by
and he asked me to ask Matt to take
his daughter, Connie, to the prom.
What do you think?
Should we put Matt in that position?
It doesn't seem right or fair
to tell him who to date,
no matter how noble the reason.
We're not telling him,
we're asking him.
No, well, we're not asking him,
you're asking him.
Fine, I'll ask him.
Hey, you know,
maybe it'll turn out that Matt likes her
and he wouldn't mind
going out with her.
Who wouldn't I mind going out with?
Well, Connie Gannon
needs a date to the prom
and her father thought that you might
take her since you're dateless too.
I don't think that's a great idea.
- Why?
- I have my reasons.
Not pretty enough?
Not popular enough?
You know, I can't believe you think
I'm that shallow and superficial.
You know what, you want me
to take Connie to the prom, I'll do it.
Well, great.
But when you find out the reason
I didn't wanna take her,
- I don't wanna hear one word about it.
- Fine.
- Went pretty well, don't you think?
- Yeah.
As long as you're on a roll,
maybe you'd like to talk to Simon.
- About?
- He saw the film today.
Oh, the old "when a boy monkey
meets a girl monkey"?
- He told you?
- No.
I could tell by the look on his face.
Trust me, a mother knows.
And a father talks.
Okay, Simon, give.
- What are you acting so weird about?
- I'm not acting weird.
You and your buddy
were acting squirrelly
the whole ride home in the car.
You might as well tell me because
sooner or later, I'm gonna find out.
Well, it's just that...
I kind of...
Right, it's spring in junior high school.
You saw the film.
Congratulations.
Today, you're a man.
Thanks, but I'd be better off
if I were a monkey.
[PHONE RINGING]
Hello?
Yeah, this is Mary.
It's a guy. Mm-hm.
It's a friend of Matt's.
Uh-huh.
He's got a younger brother
and wants to know
if we wanna double tomorrow night.
[BOTH SCREAM]
Are you asking us to the prom?
Well, why aren't you going
to the prom?
[WHISPERING]
It's a couple thing.
We'll have to ask
our parents' permission first.
And it might be a good idea
not to mention this date to our brother.
He might not like it.
So let me have your number
and we'll call you back.
Okay, bye.
[BOTH SCREAM]
So do we know these guys?
But who cares? It's a date.
[BOTH SCREAM]
Yes!
What are you doing?
The radio station is giving away
tickets to the Snappy show.
- I'm hoping I'll get lucky.
- You think you have a chance?
Well, Ruthie's so upset,
I have to try something.
Snappy? This is the puppet
she's so upset about?
- Snappy?
- Yeah, yeah, I told you it was Snappy.
All I heard was puppet.
I know Snappy.
Yeah, we all know Snappy, honey.
Millions of people know Snappy,
that's why I can't get tickets.
No, no, no.
Snappy's creator is Debbie Miller.
That's her picture there.
I went out with her in high school.
Boy, she looks great.
Not too great.
Did you break her heart?
I don't really remember
quite what happened.
Now that I think of it,
she broke mine.
Perfect, then there's no bad history
to get in the way
when you call her
and beg her for tickets.
- Well, I don't have her number.
- Does Debbie have parents?
- Yeah.
- Did you meet them?
- Yeah.
- Then call and ask for her number.
I don't know.
Tell Ruthie your surprise, honey.
I know Snappy.
You know Snappy?
Your daddy went to high school
with Snappy.
Cool school.
Of course,
Snappy may not remember me.
But if she does, she'll give you tickets.
I know she will, I know she will.
I'll do the best I can, but just don't
count on me getting tickets, okay?
Okay, I won't count on you,
Mr. Snappy's-Friend.
Yeah.
I guess Simon's not in the mood
to talk.
Yeah, something bad happened
at school yesterday.
And if you do get the tickets,
I'll never forget you. Never.
- So did you ask Connie out yet?
- Not yet.
Just out of curiosity,
are you gonna tell me the reason
you didn't wanna go out with her?
No, but don't worry,
you'll figure it out.
Good morning, Mom, Dad.
Okay, what's up?
- Our kids are weird.
- Way weird.
Call Snappy.
- Hey.
- Hey yourself.
How'd you do on Brenner's pop quiz?
Let's put it this way,
I'm helping the curve.
The low end of the curve.
- Well...
- So did you hear the one
about the guy who asked the girl
to prom at the last minute?
Oh, no, my dad put you up to this,
didn't he?
He suggested it to my dad
who suggested it to me.
But look, let's not let our busybody
fathers spoil a potentially fun date.
So do you wanna go?
My dad doesn't get it. It's not just about
having a date to the dance.
It's about having the right dress,
the right shoes,
and all the stuff that goes with it.
I have nothing to wear. My dad doesn't
have the money to buy me that stuff.
People make too much
out of going to proms anyway.
Come over to my house.
I've got a sister and a mom,
I'm sure they can put
something together, something cool.
They're great at that stuff.
That's very sweet of you
to volunteer them,
but I don't wanna look like
I just threw something on
when you'll be wearing a tux.
I wouldn't wanna embarrass you.
I wouldn't be embarrassed
if you went how you're dressed
right now. You look great.
Really, trust me,
my mom is a genius with this stuff.
Just come over after school.
I'm sure she'll figure it out from there.
If you want, I'll wear the dress
and you can wear the tux.
Okay.
Let's go.
Great, it's a date.
- Bye.
- Bye.
You think he was?
- Asking her to the prom?
- Yeah.
Do you think Mom and Dad
know about this?
No way they know. If they did, they
would never let him go out with her.
So let's hope they don't.
If Matt goes to the prom tonight,
he won't be home to ruin our dates.
Yeah, with whoever they may be.
I can't find anyone who knows anyone
in senior class named Kyle or Casey.
Hi, Kyle.
Why are you so happy?
My brother and I have dates tonight.
Dates, really? With whom?
I wish I could tell you,
but I'm sworn to secrecy.
Besides, you'll find out soon enough.
Guess what these are.
I can't believe it. You got them.
Yeah, I called Debbie Miller's dad
and he remembered me.
He gave me her phone number, and
I called her and she remembered me,
and voilà, two tickets.
Two?
Guess I won't be tagging along
to meet your old girlfriend.
- I didn't know you wanted to.
- No, it's okay.
I was just kind of curious, you know.
Ruthie is gonna be so thrilled.
We need to get going,
or we're gonna be late for the show.
Wait, wait.
I washed this just in case.
You know pink
is Snappy's favourite colour.
I know.
- Mom, you gotta help me.
- If I can. What's the problem?
Connie doesn't have anything to wear.
I told her you're a whiz at sewing,
- and that you could help her.
- A favour wrapped in a compliment.
Wait, she doesn't have
a dress for the dance tonight?
Or any of the other stuff
to go with it.
Well...
I'll figure something out. I have no idea
what, but something will come to me.
Great, I'll pick up a tux
and I'll bring her right over.
- Okay.
- Great.
Hey, kid, look what I got.
We're going to see Snappy.
Yes, yes, yes!
You're the best daddy
in the whole world.
I'll be back in a monosecond.
It's nanosecond.
But she's right,
you are the best daddy in the world.
Thank you. What makes me think
you two want something?
We were thinking of watching videos
with a couple of guys from school.
You know,
just hang out at the house.
Then maybe go get a hamburger
a little later. No big deal.
Like a double date?
You two are going on a double date?
That's great.
Just be sure and ask your mother.
[SIGHS]
ERIC:
Simon.
I understand they showed
an interesting film
in health class yesterday.
It wasn't all that interesting. See you.
Yeah, but still, you know,
I'd like to sit down,
talk to you about it when
I get back form this Snappy thing.
Really, Dad,
there's no need to talk again.
We've already talked
about a hundred times before.
Well, get ready for 101,
because I think there's some
new information
we should go over together.
- Oh, joy.
- Hm?
I said,
great, I'm looking forward to it.
Hey, you and Ruthie
better get a move on.
RUTHIE:
Let's go, let's go, let's go.
Hey, you two have a great time
and don't linger on afterwards,
because you wanna be back home
in time to see Matt and Connie
- off to the prom.
- We'll hurry back,
but, you know,
we're invited backstage.
You think that's a good idea?
Oh, don't be jealous.
Yeah, you know I love you guys
almost as much as Snappy.
[ANNIE LAUGHS]
ERIC:
Okay, okay, let's go.
- Hey, can we help?
- Sure.
Wanna help before or after
you ask me for a favour?
It's not that big of a favour.
We just want a couple of guys
from school to come over, hang out,
watch movies,
maybe grab a burger later.
Who are these guys?
Do I know them?
Probably not,
because we just met them.
But that's the reason we didn't
ask to go out with them on a real date.
Yeah, we want to check them out
in the security of our own home first,
with you and Dad
in the next room if we need you.
Something about this
just doesn't seem right.
That's because I'm involved.
Mom, you know Connie Gannon
from Church.
Hi, Connie.
You know Mary and Lucy.
- Hi.
- Hi.
I'm so glad you accepted
Matt's invitation to the prom.
I hope you'll feel that way in a few
hours because I have nothing to wear.
I mean, except the stuff
that goes under the dress.
That's my cue to exit.
May the force be with you.
Yeah, thanks. Okay, let's get to work,
we don't have much time. Go, go.
Oh, yes. Good.
Give us another five minutes.
Yes?
I'm starving. Where is everybody?
Oh, they're helping my date
get dressed.
Okay, get ready. Connie will be
right down and she looks beautiful.
Yeah, she's beautiful,
but does she have anything to eat?
Why didn't you tell me
Snappy's not real?
What's next? Santa Claus?
The Easter Bunny?
How many years have you been
lying to me? Am I really 6?
You went backstage?
And on top of everything else,
that stupid Snappy lady made me
spill grape juice all over myself.
I hate her. This dress is ruined.
There is no Snappy.
Going backstage
might have been a mistake,
but don't worry,
Debbie is dropping by later
and she's gonna try
to explain everything to Ruthie.
She tried to do it backstage,
but Ruthie ran off,
and I had to run after her and...
- What?
- Your old girlfriend
is coming over tonight?
Well, I figured we were
having dinner anyway,
and what's one more, right?
Wow.
I mean, wow, you look--
You look beautiful.
Thank you. I owe it all to your mom
and your sisters. They're great.
- Thank you, thank you.
- You're welcome, honey.
- You don't need to keep thanking us.
- You do look stunning.
Thank you.
- Oh, I wanna take a few pictures.
- Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.
- Do the thing.
- Oh, that's nice, hold it.
Well, we'd better get going. We don't
wanna miss our dinner reservation.
Good night, everyone. Good night.
- Good night.
ANNIE: Have a good time.
I don't understand
Matt's hesitation in the first place.
Why wouldn't any guy jump at the
chance to go out with a girl like that?
- What?
- Hey, it's not like I'm a kid.
I know things, I saw the movie.
How can I explain in words
that you'll understand?
I think there's a biblical word for it.
You just sent Matt
off to the prom with--
The high school harlot.
You know what else?
I don't believe in God either.
[DOORBELL RINGING]
You know, I think maybe tomorrow
night will be a better night to talk.
Yeah, I'm definitely off the hook here.
Stop worrying. I spent
the entire afternoon with Connie.
If she's what Lucy said she is,
they ought to give her an Oscar.
Because all I saw was a shy,
nervous, scared girl.
She's not a...
She's just-- She's just Connie.
I shouldn't have gotten
out of bed this morning.
I turned Ruthie into an atheist.
I forced Matt to go out with...
...Connie.
Lucy and Mary
are both dating 11-year-olds,
and I still have to talk to Simon
about that movie.
Well, maybe you could get Snappy
to talk to Ruthie about God
and Simon about sex.
Kill two birds with one dinosaur.
I forgot Debbie
or Snappy or whatever she's calling
herself these days is even here.
Although I do remember
why we broke up.
It's that baby talk.
[IN BABY VOICE]
"Eric, so glad to see you."
ANNIE:
Shh.
Wait a minute,
I thought Snappy broke up with you.
Only because she started talking
and she never stopped.
And she still keeps talking
and talking and talking.
[IN BABY VOICE]
Well, grab the pizza. Let's go.
Okay.
Okay.
DEBBIE: So, what have we learned
from all this, Ruthie?
Question authority?
Ruthie, look, pizza.
A Snappy good time.
- Dig in, Snappy.
- Thank you, Eric,
but I think we should say
a blessing first.
To who?
[SIGHS]
Bless us, O Lord, for these gifts,
which we're about to receive. Amen.
ALL:
Amen.
Hey, maybe after dinner, Kyle here
can show everyone his one chest hair.
I don't like to brag, but all the men
in my family mature quickly.
Well, okay, pizza.
Casey?
Okay.
GIRL: He never called you?
GUY: No.
Hey, hey, hey, hold on,
we haven't even danced yet.
I just wanted you to know
how much I appreciated dinner.
That's the nicest restaurant
I've ever been to.
A simple thank you is fine.
So do you wanna talk?
Yes, let's talk,
because as soon as we go in,
everyone is gonna be
talking about us.
I don't care, let them talk.
Everyone is gonna think you're with me
for one reason and one reason only.
Doesn't mean
we have to do anything.
- But we could.
- Yes, we could,
but we don't even know
each other yet.
So let's get to know each other.
Fine.
So, what's it like
growing up in a house
with only with one parent
and no brothers and sisters?
It's lonely.
My dad and I hardly even
talk to each other.
Your dad seems like a nice guy.
That's not the problem, you know.
He's so nice, I could never talk to him
about, you know, boys and stuff.
I've got the opposite problem.
All my mom and dad wanna do
is talk to me all the time,
especially about women and stuff.
You know, the truth is,
once you don't talk about personal
things for years and years,
it's hard to just suddenly talk
about them.
My dad has never even mentioned
the S-word in front of me.
He's so overprotective, he's always
shielded me from any mention of sex.
I know, ironic, isn't it?
I mean, you would think that
if someone was so overprotected,
then I wouldn't have had
the opportunity
to get such a bad reputation.
But the truth is,
you know, his constant watch over me
just made me wanna do crazy things.
Sneak out the house, go out
with older guys, stay out all night.
Basically,
whatever I could get away with.
He's always so stern
and threatening
and always telling me that guys
just want one thing.
I've always wanted guys to like me,
so why not give them
the thing they want?
Have you gotten a return
on that investment?
What?
Have you found a guy
who really likes you for that?
No offence,
but there's a flaw in your philosophy.
Look, all guys wanna be the pursuer.
It's old hunt-and-gather instinct
against a woman's nurturing instinct.
In relationships,
there's always a giver and taker.
So why don't you want me
to take you?
Because I haven't given you
anything yet.
You've given me this dress
and a very nice corsage.
And then there's always
that lovely dinner.
That's nothing. Make me dig deep,
make me sacrifice,
make me do something difficult.
Like what?
I hate to dance.
No, no, seriously, I hate to dance.
Make me dance.
Okay, let's go to the prom.
What?
Sit.
Make me be a gentleman too.
Just so I get this straight,
you're not completely ruling out--
Dancing? No, not ruling it out at all.
Stop thinking about Matt and Connie.
They've got hours to go
before they get home.
There's no need to
drive ourselves crazy with what-ifs.
So you're not worried at all, huh?
Of course I am,
I'm just not looking at my watch.
I'll do that, it's okay.
Then what will I be doing?
You'll be going upstairs
to help Ruthie entertain Snappy.
I can't, I can't.
Besides, if I go up there, she'll just be
singing or dancing or telling a story.
As Snappy says,
it's impolite to interrupt Snappy.
Please help us.
Please take our dates home, please.
That Kyle keeps calling me "foxy lady."
Maybe it's Casey.
I don't know,
but they are both creeping me out.
Please, one of you, help.
Those boys are at that sensitive age
where rejection may permanently
damage them. Go, be nice.
And never try tricking us
into letting you and your sister
double-date with two guys
you don't even know again.
[UP-TEMPO INSTRUMENTAL MUSIC
PLAYING]
[LAUGHING]
Wasn't that fun?
That was about as much fun
as I'm allowed to have.
I better get dressed and go to bed now.
Thanks for coming. Bye.
Would you like Snappy to tell you
a bedtime story?
No, thanks. I'm way too tired for that.
And I still have to brush my teeth.
Do you know
the "Brush Your Teeth" song?
- It goes something like this--
- Snappy, Debbie, whatever,
please, I'm okay here, you can go.
Oh, it's just that I know
how much children love Snappy
and rely on Snappy for guidance.
There's so much to learn
when you're a little girl in a big world.
That's why Snappy does shows
like the one you saw this afternoon,
and why Snappy puts out videos
and tapes and books.
Yeah, but doesn't Debbie make
a lot of money from that Snappy stuff?
Maybe it is time to go.
As long as you're not mad
at Snappy anymore.
Oh, I'm not mad at anyone anymore.
Okay, then, good night.
And sweet dreams.
[LAUGHS]
But I still don't believe in God.
You know, we saw
a really scary movie the other day.
Titanic.
You know, it's PG-13.
Eric, it was wonderful
to see you again.
Well, thanks again
for making a house call.
[CLEARS THROAT]
Oh.
And it was so nice
to meet Eric's little wife.
I'm sorry about traumatizing Ruthie
this afternoon.
When children's dreams are shattered,
the whole world weeps.
Some would even say that's how
the oceans were formed.
Some, but not scientists, huh?
[LAUGHING]
If Ruthie ever needs to call me,
here's my card.
I'd be more than happy to help
in any way I can
now that Ruthie and I
are very special friends.
Yes, you are.
Goodbye and thank you.
Good-- Good night.
Go.
Go and see if Snappy did
any permanent damage.
Okay, so who wants ice cream?
- I do, I do!
- I do, I do!
Ice cream sounds lovely.
Might I also have some coffee?
I don't think so.
Simon, would you come
into the kitchen and help me?
- We'll help.
- We'll help.
Please, let me help.
No, you two need to stay
and entertain your dates.
You're even prettier than I pictured.
That's funny, because you're younger
than I pictured.
It's not very nice to trick girls
into going out with you.
What trick?
I called, I asked, you said you'd go.
Yeah, but you said
you were a friend of Matt's.
No, I didn't. I said I was a friend
of your brother's. You know, Simon.
GUY: Everything cool?
GIRL: Yeah, I'm having a great time.
I don't know why you don't like
to dance. You're very good.
I cannot dance.
I'm glad you talked me
into going inside. I had a great time.
Yeah, I had fun too.
It's a little early to go home.
Yeah, it is.
I hope you don't wanna talk
about that God thing.
I'm exhausted.
Okay.
So did you have any fun
with Snappy?
No.
I didn't mean to ruin
the illusion for you.
I thought you knew
that it was a person in a dinosaur suit.
Well I know now.
And it's not just any person,
it's your old girlfriend
with that baby voice.
Do you know that
they've actually recently proved
that when people talk to little children
in baby talk like that,
that babies actually respond
and they learn well like that?
Did the babies tell them that?
I don't really remember, actually.
Anyway...
You don't believe in God, huh?
Kind of gets me right in the heart,
because God is so real to me.
But you can't see God.
Well, the wind is real,
but you can't see the wind.
You can only see
the leaves rustling in the trees.
Pain is real but you can't see pain.
You can only see tears.
Happiness is real,
but you can't see happiness,
you can only see the smile
on someone's face.
Will something bad happen to me
if I don't believe in God?
Will something good happen to me
if I do?
I need to know.
So you wanna weigh the punishment
against the reward and then...
...see which way to go?
Yeah, kind of like that.
If believing in God means
I get a bunch of good stuff,
then I believe him.
Or if something bad is going
to happen, then I believe him.
But if nothing's going to happen,
then I really don't know.
You're a tough one.
Okay.
I believe in God
and bad things and good things
have happened to me
and will continue to happen to me.
But because I believe in God,
I find I can get through the bad things.
And if I didn't get through
the bad things,
then I'd never be able
to enjoy good things.
But then that brings us
to bad and good.
See, today, it looked like a bad thing,
taking you backstage
to meet Snappy, but then,
it led us to having this conversation,
which is a good thing, I think.
[SIGHS]
Where is everybody?
Well, Kyle and Casey's mom
picked them up,
so Simon, Lucy and Mary
rushed upstairs to bed.
I didn't hear them come up.
Of course not. None of them wants
to talk to either of us.
How can it only be 10:30?
- Do you wanna wait up for Matt?
- What do you think?
- Two scoops?
- Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.
All right, then, we'll see you there.
Bye.
- Should be fun.
- Yeah.
No, I think that's enough.
Okay.
That's it? End of discussion?
I'm man enough
to hear the word no.
Well, it's still early. Maybe we could
just take a break and then reconsider.
I have a better idea.
I should let my dad fix me up
more often.
Stop, it's your third bowl.
I can't help it.
Put it back.
Gaining 10 pounds
won't bring Matt home any faster.
I thought you liked me
with a little meat on my bones.
I lied.
Okay.
Well look who's still awake.
LUCY: Hi.
MARY: Hi.
Hi.
The next time the two of you
decide to double-date,
I think you should know
who you're going out with.
Making dates with strangers,
it's not a good idea.
- Yeah.
- Does that mean
I'm actually allowed to date?
I think your mother and I are gonna
require proof of good judgement
and then we'll get back to you.
Simon.
We need to talk.
- Good night.
- Good night.
Good night.
So...
...what prompted your two little friends
to ask your sisters out?
It wasn't me.
It must have been that film.
That film is making everyone crazy.
I wish they'd never shown it.
It ruined everything.
- How's that?
- What ever happened to romance
and feelings and falling in love?
All they showed was a bunch
of animals and a singing zookeeper.
If I wanna know how monkeys mate,
I could talk to Matt
or Mom or even you.
So I'm third?
My point is I didn't need
to see that stuff.
I mean, we've been talking about sex
around here for ever.
Yeah, but unfortunately, all some kids
are told about men and women
is what they learn in school.
Lucky for me, I have an older brother.
Matt knows everything.
Where do you suppose he learned it?
I don't know, Dad.
Good night.
Dad. Dad, I'm home.
Connie.
For a minute,
I thought it was your mother there.
You look beautiful, honey.
You look pretty good yourself.
Thanks. Sorry we didn't come by
before the dance,
but we were running late
for our dinner reservation.
Did you two have a good time?
Yes, sir, I did.
I'll make you a cup of tea
and I'll tell you all about it.
- Really?
- Yeah, really.
Thanks, I had a really nice time.
Me too. Bye.
- Bye.
- Bye.
Thanks.
ANNIE:
Matt?
- Did you have a nice time?
- Yes, I did.
Connie's a really nice girl.
- Thanks.
- For?
Everything.
I'll get it out of him tomorrow.
Hey, look.
It's tomorrow.
Let's go.
It's nice to see you again, Kyle.
- Even if you weren't expecting me?
- Even then.
There's snacks in the fridge,
help yourselves.
- Is something wrong?
- Nothing.
- Okay.
- It's just that,
we had a rough day at school, yeah,
and we just wanna hang out and talk.
But not with you.
- With each other.
- Okay, talk away.
- Think she knows?
- I hope not.
- Did I look at her funny?
- No, did I?
No.
This is terrible.
Why did they have to show that film
in health class today? Why?
Today, our lives are changed forever.
- Yeah, forever.
- I wish I never would've seen it.
I mean, some things should be left
to the imagination.
Or National Geographic.
I mean, it's like going backstage
with the magician.
You just shouldn't see
how certain things are done.
I mean, who cares how monkeys
court other monkeys?
What good is that gonna do us
unless we, like,
date a girl with fleas in her hair?
It was like watching restricted cable
with a grown-up watching you to see
if you were thinking anything bad.
For me, it was like
the Nature Channel with attitude.
- You gonna tell your mom and dad?
- No way.
My parents have cornered me
for one talk after another after another.
I can't take another talk.
I've never talked to my parents
about sex.
Never?
You are so lucky.
When Ruthie came along,
I thought they'd never stop talking.
Hi, how was school?
Everybody's talking
about the senior prom.
It's prom fever.
Yeah, and we're just hoping
Matt doesn't have a date.
Oh, isn't that sweet?
Well, If he doesn't have a date,
he'll have to take one of us.
Ah. But who gets to go?
We've agreed to flip a coin.
You know,
as pretty and sweet as both of you are,
I just can't picture Matt taking
either one of his sisters to the prom.
The way we figure it,
he hardly speaks to us at school.
So with the right hair and makeup,
no one will ever know
he's related to either of us.
You sure you have enough there?
We could always come back
for more.
It's hard to look at girls
the same way after today.
They aren't girls, they're my sisters.
Yeah, but they sure are foxes.
Please, no animal references.
I don't mind being called a fox.
Oh, why are we
in such a good mood?
We heard that
Snappy the Stegosaurus,
only the coolest dinosaur
in the whole world,
is doing a live show tomorrow
in Glenoak.
I think we should go
and have a Snappy good time.
I'll try to arrange it, but don't get
your hopes up too high, okay?
You can do it, Mom. I know you can.
Mary and Lucy tell me that
you're still looking for a prom date.
- No, I'm not.
- Are you going?
Nope, the prom is pretty much
a couple thing. I'm not a couple.
Excuse me, Reverend,
do you have a minute?
- Of course, John. Please, come in.
- All right.
What can I do for you?
I hope you don't think
this is too personal,
but my daughter, Connie,
needs a date to the prom.
I see.
Or maybe I don't. How can I help?
I'm sorry,
I got a little ahead of myself.
Connie doesn't have a boyfriend.
She has lots of boys that are friends,
but no boyfriend,
and I don't know
how to help her with this stuff.
You know, she lost her mother
when she was 8,
and I'm afraid I haven't been
the greatest substitute mom.
I guess I'm still a little confused.
What is it that you want me to do?
I've got the perfect guy in mind to take
Connie to prom, but I need your help.
I was wondering if your son, Matt,
could possibly take Connie.
Well, I guess that, you know,
I could ask.
Oh, this is great. Thanks.
Well, I don't know if it's great,
because all I can do is ask.
You know how teenagers are,
they never do
what you want them to do.
And Matt may already
have a date for the prom.
Yes, in fact, I think he may
have mentioned a date, maybe.
No, no, he doesn't have a date.
The whole school is talking about it.
According to Connie,
Matt Camden is the only other senior
without a date for the prom.
Well, you sure are plugged into
the high school gossip mill, aren't you?
Thanks again.
[MUSIC PLAYING ON PHONE]
PHONE RECORDING:
Hi, your call is important to Snappy,
please don't hang up.
Your call is important to Snappy,
please don't hang up.
Your call is important to Snappy,
please don't hang up.
Your call is important to Snappy,
please don't hang up.
Your call is important to Snappy,
please don't hang up.
Your call is important to Snappy,
please don't hang up.
Your call is important to Snappy,
please don't hang up.
Your call is important to Snappy,
please don't hang up.
Your call is important to Snappy,
please don't hang up.
Your call is important to Snappy,
please don't hang up.
I can't take it anymore!
WOMAN: Hello, may I help you?
- Yes.
- Hello?
- Yes, I'm here.
I need two tickets
to the Snappy show.
I'm sorry,
Snappy's show is sold out.
You mean, I've been on hold
all this time for nothing?
Yes, you have.
Wait a minute, don't you have
two seats in the back row
or standing room
or something, anything?
No, I don't.
Okay, thank you, anyway.
No, thank you
and have a Snappy good day.
Ruthie, Mommy's got
some bad news.
The Snappy show,
it's been sold out for three weeks,
so I couldn't get tickets.
But I did make lasagna for dinner.
- Your favourite!
- No, thanks.
Now I'm too depressed to eat.
Do you know
what depressed means?
Yeah, it means no tickets to Snappy.
Bad day?
Well, it wasn't entirely bad,
just the afternoon part.
What happened in the afternoon?
John Gannon came by
and he asked me to ask Matt to take
his daughter, Connie, to the prom.
What do you think?
Should we put Matt in that position?
It doesn't seem right or fair
to tell him who to date,
no matter how noble the reason.
We're not telling him,
we're asking him.
No, well, we're not asking him,
you're asking him.
Fine, I'll ask him.
Hey, you know,
maybe it'll turn out that Matt likes her
and he wouldn't mind
going out with her.
Who wouldn't I mind going out with?
Well, Connie Gannon
needs a date to the prom
and her father thought that you might
take her since you're dateless too.
I don't think that's a great idea.
- Why?
- I have my reasons.
Not pretty enough?
Not popular enough?
You know, I can't believe you think
I'm that shallow and superficial.
You know what, you want me
to take Connie to the prom, I'll do it.
Well, great.
But when you find out the reason
I didn't wanna take her,
- I don't wanna hear one word about it.
- Fine.
- Went pretty well, don't you think?
- Yeah.
As long as you're on a roll,
maybe you'd like to talk to Simon.
- About?
- He saw the film today.
Oh, the old "when a boy monkey
meets a girl monkey"?
- He told you?
- No.
I could tell by the look on his face.
Trust me, a mother knows.
And a father talks.
Okay, Simon, give.
- What are you acting so weird about?
- I'm not acting weird.
You and your buddy
were acting squirrelly
the whole ride home in the car.
You might as well tell me because
sooner or later, I'm gonna find out.
Well, it's just that...
I kind of...
Right, it's spring in junior high school.
You saw the film.
Congratulations.
Today, you're a man.
Thanks, but I'd be better off
if I were a monkey.
[PHONE RINGING]
Hello?
Yeah, this is Mary.
It's a guy. Mm-hm.
It's a friend of Matt's.
Uh-huh.
He's got a younger brother
and wants to know
if we wanna double tomorrow night.
[BOTH SCREAM]
Are you asking us to the prom?
Well, why aren't you going
to the prom?
[WHISPERING]
It's a couple thing.
We'll have to ask
our parents' permission first.
And it might be a good idea
not to mention this date to our brother.
He might not like it.
So let me have your number
and we'll call you back.
Okay, bye.
[BOTH SCREAM]
So do we know these guys?
But who cares? It's a date.
[BOTH SCREAM]
Yes!
What are you doing?
The radio station is giving away
tickets to the Snappy show.
- I'm hoping I'll get lucky.
- You think you have a chance?
Well, Ruthie's so upset,
I have to try something.
Snappy? This is the puppet
she's so upset about?
- Snappy?
- Yeah, yeah, I told you it was Snappy.
All I heard was puppet.
I know Snappy.
Yeah, we all know Snappy, honey.
Millions of people know Snappy,
that's why I can't get tickets.
No, no, no.
Snappy's creator is Debbie Miller.
That's her picture there.
I went out with her in high school.
Boy, she looks great.
Not too great.
Did you break her heart?
I don't really remember
quite what happened.
Now that I think of it,
she broke mine.
Perfect, then there's no bad history
to get in the way
when you call her
and beg her for tickets.
- Well, I don't have her number.
- Does Debbie have parents?
- Yeah.
- Did you meet them?
- Yeah.
- Then call and ask for her number.
I don't know.
Tell Ruthie your surprise, honey.
I know Snappy.
You know Snappy?
Your daddy went to high school
with Snappy.
Cool school.
Of course,
Snappy may not remember me.
But if she does, she'll give you tickets.
I know she will, I know she will.
I'll do the best I can, but just don't
count on me getting tickets, okay?
Okay, I won't count on you,
Mr. Snappy's-Friend.
Yeah.
I guess Simon's not in the mood
to talk.
Yeah, something bad happened
at school yesterday.
And if you do get the tickets,
I'll never forget you. Never.
- So did you ask Connie out yet?
- Not yet.
Just out of curiosity,
are you gonna tell me the reason
you didn't wanna go out with her?
No, but don't worry,
you'll figure it out.
Good morning, Mom, Dad.
Okay, what's up?
- Our kids are weird.
- Way weird.
Call Snappy.
- Hey.
- Hey yourself.
How'd you do on Brenner's pop quiz?
Let's put it this way,
I'm helping the curve.
The low end of the curve.
- Well...
- So did you hear the one
about the guy who asked the girl
to prom at the last minute?
Oh, no, my dad put you up to this,
didn't he?
He suggested it to my dad
who suggested it to me.
But look, let's not let our busybody
fathers spoil a potentially fun date.
So do you wanna go?
My dad doesn't get it. It's not just about
having a date to the dance.
It's about having the right dress,
the right shoes,
and all the stuff that goes with it.
I have nothing to wear. My dad doesn't
have the money to buy me that stuff.
People make too much
out of going to proms anyway.
Come over to my house.
I've got a sister and a mom,
I'm sure they can put
something together, something cool.
They're great at that stuff.
That's very sweet of you
to volunteer them,
but I don't wanna look like
I just threw something on
when you'll be wearing a tux.
I wouldn't wanna embarrass you.
I wouldn't be embarrassed
if you went how you're dressed
right now. You look great.
Really, trust me,
my mom is a genius with this stuff.
Just come over after school.
I'm sure she'll figure it out from there.
If you want, I'll wear the dress
and you can wear the tux.
Okay.
Let's go.
Great, it's a date.
- Bye.
- Bye.
You think he was?
- Asking her to the prom?
- Yeah.
Do you think Mom and Dad
know about this?
No way they know. If they did, they
would never let him go out with her.
So let's hope they don't.
If Matt goes to the prom tonight,
he won't be home to ruin our dates.
Yeah, with whoever they may be.
I can't find anyone who knows anyone
in senior class named Kyle or Casey.
Hi, Kyle.
Why are you so happy?
My brother and I have dates tonight.
Dates, really? With whom?
I wish I could tell you,
but I'm sworn to secrecy.
Besides, you'll find out soon enough.
Guess what these are.
I can't believe it. You got them.
Yeah, I called Debbie Miller's dad
and he remembered me.
He gave me her phone number, and
I called her and she remembered me,
and voilà, two tickets.
Two?
Guess I won't be tagging along
to meet your old girlfriend.
- I didn't know you wanted to.
- No, it's okay.
I was just kind of curious, you know.
Ruthie is gonna be so thrilled.
We need to get going,
or we're gonna be late for the show.
Wait, wait.
I washed this just in case.
You know pink
is Snappy's favourite colour.
I know.
- Mom, you gotta help me.
- If I can. What's the problem?
Connie doesn't have anything to wear.
I told her you're a whiz at sewing,
- and that you could help her.
- A favour wrapped in a compliment.
Wait, she doesn't have
a dress for the dance tonight?
Or any of the other stuff
to go with it.
Well...
I'll figure something out. I have no idea
what, but something will come to me.
Great, I'll pick up a tux
and I'll bring her right over.
- Okay.
- Great.
Hey, kid, look what I got.
We're going to see Snappy.
Yes, yes, yes!
You're the best daddy
in the whole world.
I'll be back in a monosecond.
It's nanosecond.
But she's right,
you are the best daddy in the world.
Thank you. What makes me think
you two want something?
We were thinking of watching videos
with a couple of guys from school.
You know,
just hang out at the house.
Then maybe go get a hamburger
a little later. No big deal.
Like a double date?
You two are going on a double date?
That's great.
Just be sure and ask your mother.
[SIGHS]
ERIC:
Simon.
I understand they showed
an interesting film
in health class yesterday.
It wasn't all that interesting. See you.
Yeah, but still, you know,
I'd like to sit down,
talk to you about it when
I get back form this Snappy thing.
Really, Dad,
there's no need to talk again.
We've already talked
about a hundred times before.
Well, get ready for 101,
because I think there's some
new information
we should go over together.
- Oh, joy.
- Hm?
I said,
great, I'm looking forward to it.
Hey, you and Ruthie
better get a move on.
RUTHIE:
Let's go, let's go, let's go.
Hey, you two have a great time
and don't linger on afterwards,
because you wanna be back home
in time to see Matt and Connie
- off to the prom.
- We'll hurry back,
but, you know,
we're invited backstage.
You think that's a good idea?
Oh, don't be jealous.
Yeah, you know I love you guys
almost as much as Snappy.
[ANNIE LAUGHS]
ERIC:
Okay, okay, let's go.
- Hey, can we help?
- Sure.
Wanna help before or after
you ask me for a favour?
It's not that big of a favour.
We just want a couple of guys
from school to come over, hang out,
watch movies,
maybe grab a burger later.
Who are these guys?
Do I know them?
Probably not,
because we just met them.
But that's the reason we didn't
ask to go out with them on a real date.
Yeah, we want to check them out
in the security of our own home first,
with you and Dad
in the next room if we need you.
Something about this
just doesn't seem right.
That's because I'm involved.
Mom, you know Connie Gannon
from Church.
Hi, Connie.
You know Mary and Lucy.
- Hi.
- Hi.
I'm so glad you accepted
Matt's invitation to the prom.
I hope you'll feel that way in a few
hours because I have nothing to wear.
I mean, except the stuff
that goes under the dress.
That's my cue to exit.
May the force be with you.
Yeah, thanks. Okay, let's get to work,
we don't have much time. Go, go.
Oh, yes. Good.
Give us another five minutes.
Yes?
I'm starving. Where is everybody?
Oh, they're helping my date
get dressed.
Okay, get ready. Connie will be
right down and she looks beautiful.
Yeah, she's beautiful,
but does she have anything to eat?
Why didn't you tell me
Snappy's not real?
What's next? Santa Claus?
The Easter Bunny?
How many years have you been
lying to me? Am I really 6?
You went backstage?
And on top of everything else,
that stupid Snappy lady made me
spill grape juice all over myself.
I hate her. This dress is ruined.
There is no Snappy.
Going backstage
might have been a mistake,
but don't worry,
Debbie is dropping by later
and she's gonna try
to explain everything to Ruthie.
She tried to do it backstage,
but Ruthie ran off,
and I had to run after her and...
- What?
- Your old girlfriend
is coming over tonight?
Well, I figured we were
having dinner anyway,
and what's one more, right?
Wow.
I mean, wow, you look--
You look beautiful.
Thank you. I owe it all to your mom
and your sisters. They're great.
- Thank you, thank you.
- You're welcome, honey.
- You don't need to keep thanking us.
- You do look stunning.
Thank you.
- Oh, I wanna take a few pictures.
- Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.
- Do the thing.
- Oh, that's nice, hold it.
Well, we'd better get going. We don't
wanna miss our dinner reservation.
Good night, everyone. Good night.
- Good night.
ANNIE: Have a good time.
I don't understand
Matt's hesitation in the first place.
Why wouldn't any guy jump at the
chance to go out with a girl like that?
- What?
- Hey, it's not like I'm a kid.
I know things, I saw the movie.
How can I explain in words
that you'll understand?
I think there's a biblical word for it.
You just sent Matt
off to the prom with--
The high school harlot.
You know what else?
I don't believe in God either.
[DOORBELL RINGING]
You know, I think maybe tomorrow
night will be a better night to talk.
Yeah, I'm definitely off the hook here.
Stop worrying. I spent
the entire afternoon with Connie.
If she's what Lucy said she is,
they ought to give her an Oscar.
Because all I saw was a shy,
nervous, scared girl.
She's not a...
She's just-- She's just Connie.
I shouldn't have gotten
out of bed this morning.
I turned Ruthie into an atheist.
I forced Matt to go out with...
...Connie.
Lucy and Mary
are both dating 11-year-olds,
and I still have to talk to Simon
about that movie.
Well, maybe you could get Snappy
to talk to Ruthie about God
and Simon about sex.
Kill two birds with one dinosaur.
I forgot Debbie
or Snappy or whatever she's calling
herself these days is even here.
Although I do remember
why we broke up.
It's that baby talk.
[IN BABY VOICE]
"Eric, so glad to see you."
ANNIE:
Shh.
Wait a minute,
I thought Snappy broke up with you.
Only because she started talking
and she never stopped.
And she still keeps talking
and talking and talking.
[IN BABY VOICE]
Well, grab the pizza. Let's go.
Okay.
Okay.
DEBBIE: So, what have we learned
from all this, Ruthie?
Question authority?
Ruthie, look, pizza.
A Snappy good time.
- Dig in, Snappy.
- Thank you, Eric,
but I think we should say
a blessing first.
To who?
[SIGHS]
Bless us, O Lord, for these gifts,
which we're about to receive. Amen.
ALL:
Amen.
Hey, maybe after dinner, Kyle here
can show everyone his one chest hair.
I don't like to brag, but all the men
in my family mature quickly.
Well, okay, pizza.
Casey?
Okay.
GIRL: He never called you?
GUY: No.
Hey, hey, hey, hold on,
we haven't even danced yet.
I just wanted you to know
how much I appreciated dinner.
That's the nicest restaurant
I've ever been to.
A simple thank you is fine.
So do you wanna talk?
Yes, let's talk,
because as soon as we go in,
everyone is gonna be
talking about us.
I don't care, let them talk.
Everyone is gonna think you're with me
for one reason and one reason only.
Doesn't mean
we have to do anything.
- But we could.
- Yes, we could,
but we don't even know
each other yet.
So let's get to know each other.
Fine.
So, what's it like
growing up in a house
with only with one parent
and no brothers and sisters?
It's lonely.
My dad and I hardly even
talk to each other.
Your dad seems like a nice guy.
That's not the problem, you know.
He's so nice, I could never talk to him
about, you know, boys and stuff.
I've got the opposite problem.
All my mom and dad wanna do
is talk to me all the time,
especially about women and stuff.
You know, the truth is,
once you don't talk about personal
things for years and years,
it's hard to just suddenly talk
about them.
My dad has never even mentioned
the S-word in front of me.
He's so overprotective, he's always
shielded me from any mention of sex.
I know, ironic, isn't it?
I mean, you would think that
if someone was so overprotected,
then I wouldn't have had
the opportunity
to get such a bad reputation.
But the truth is,
you know, his constant watch over me
just made me wanna do crazy things.
Sneak out the house, go out
with older guys, stay out all night.
Basically,
whatever I could get away with.
He's always so stern
and threatening
and always telling me that guys
just want one thing.
I've always wanted guys to like me,
so why not give them
the thing they want?
Have you gotten a return
on that investment?
What?
Have you found a guy
who really likes you for that?
No offence,
but there's a flaw in your philosophy.
Look, all guys wanna be the pursuer.
It's old hunt-and-gather instinct
against a woman's nurturing instinct.
In relationships,
there's always a giver and taker.
So why don't you want me
to take you?
Because I haven't given you
anything yet.
You've given me this dress
and a very nice corsage.
And then there's always
that lovely dinner.
That's nothing. Make me dig deep,
make me sacrifice,
make me do something difficult.
Like what?
I hate to dance.
No, no, seriously, I hate to dance.
Make me dance.
Okay, let's go to the prom.
What?
Sit.
Make me be a gentleman too.
Just so I get this straight,
you're not completely ruling out--
Dancing? No, not ruling it out at all.
Stop thinking about Matt and Connie.
They've got hours to go
before they get home.
There's no need to
drive ourselves crazy with what-ifs.
So you're not worried at all, huh?
Of course I am,
I'm just not looking at my watch.
I'll do that, it's okay.
Then what will I be doing?
You'll be going upstairs
to help Ruthie entertain Snappy.
I can't, I can't.
Besides, if I go up there, she'll just be
singing or dancing or telling a story.
As Snappy says,
it's impolite to interrupt Snappy.
Please help us.
Please take our dates home, please.
That Kyle keeps calling me "foxy lady."
Maybe it's Casey.
I don't know,
but they are both creeping me out.
Please, one of you, help.
Those boys are at that sensitive age
where rejection may permanently
damage them. Go, be nice.
And never try tricking us
into letting you and your sister
double-date with two guys
you don't even know again.
[UP-TEMPO INSTRUMENTAL MUSIC
PLAYING]
[LAUGHING]
Wasn't that fun?
That was about as much fun
as I'm allowed to have.
I better get dressed and go to bed now.
Thanks for coming. Bye.
Would you like Snappy to tell you
a bedtime story?
No, thanks. I'm way too tired for that.
And I still have to brush my teeth.
Do you know
the "Brush Your Teeth" song?
- It goes something like this--
- Snappy, Debbie, whatever,
please, I'm okay here, you can go.
Oh, it's just that I know
how much children love Snappy
and rely on Snappy for guidance.
There's so much to learn
when you're a little girl in a big world.
That's why Snappy does shows
like the one you saw this afternoon,
and why Snappy puts out videos
and tapes and books.
Yeah, but doesn't Debbie make
a lot of money from that Snappy stuff?
Maybe it is time to go.
As long as you're not mad
at Snappy anymore.
Oh, I'm not mad at anyone anymore.
Okay, then, good night.
And sweet dreams.
[LAUGHS]
But I still don't believe in God.
You know, we saw
a really scary movie the other day.
Titanic.
You know, it's PG-13.
Eric, it was wonderful
to see you again.
Well, thanks again
for making a house call.
[CLEARS THROAT]
Oh.
And it was so nice
to meet Eric's little wife.
I'm sorry about traumatizing Ruthie
this afternoon.
When children's dreams are shattered,
the whole world weeps.
Some would even say that's how
the oceans were formed.
Some, but not scientists, huh?
[LAUGHING]
If Ruthie ever needs to call me,
here's my card.
I'd be more than happy to help
in any way I can
now that Ruthie and I
are very special friends.
Yes, you are.
Goodbye and thank you.
Good-- Good night.
Go.
Go and see if Snappy did
any permanent damage.
Okay, so who wants ice cream?
- I do, I do!
- I do, I do!
Ice cream sounds lovely.
Might I also have some coffee?
I don't think so.
Simon, would you come
into the kitchen and help me?
- We'll help.
- We'll help.
Please, let me help.
No, you two need to stay
and entertain your dates.
You're even prettier than I pictured.
That's funny, because you're younger
than I pictured.
It's not very nice to trick girls
into going out with you.
What trick?
I called, I asked, you said you'd go.
Yeah, but you said
you were a friend of Matt's.
No, I didn't. I said I was a friend
of your brother's. You know, Simon.
GUY: Everything cool?
GIRL: Yeah, I'm having a great time.
I don't know why you don't like
to dance. You're very good.
I cannot dance.
I'm glad you talked me
into going inside. I had a great time.
Yeah, I had fun too.
It's a little early to go home.
Yeah, it is.
I hope you don't wanna talk
about that God thing.
I'm exhausted.
Okay.
So did you have any fun
with Snappy?
No.
I didn't mean to ruin
the illusion for you.
I thought you knew
that it was a person in a dinosaur suit.
Well I know now.
And it's not just any person,
it's your old girlfriend
with that baby voice.
Do you know that
they've actually recently proved
that when people talk to little children
in baby talk like that,
that babies actually respond
and they learn well like that?
Did the babies tell them that?
I don't really remember, actually.
Anyway...
You don't believe in God, huh?
Kind of gets me right in the heart,
because God is so real to me.
But you can't see God.
Well, the wind is real,
but you can't see the wind.
You can only see
the leaves rustling in the trees.
Pain is real but you can't see pain.
You can only see tears.
Happiness is real,
but you can't see happiness,
you can only see the smile
on someone's face.
Will something bad happen to me
if I don't believe in God?
Will something good happen to me
if I do?
I need to know.
So you wanna weigh the punishment
against the reward and then...
...see which way to go?
Yeah, kind of like that.
If believing in God means
I get a bunch of good stuff,
then I believe him.
Or if something bad is going
to happen, then I believe him.
But if nothing's going to happen,
then I really don't know.
You're a tough one.
Okay.
I believe in God
and bad things and good things
have happened to me
and will continue to happen to me.
But because I believe in God,
I find I can get through the bad things.
And if I didn't get through
the bad things,
then I'd never be able
to enjoy good things.
But then that brings us
to bad and good.
See, today, it looked like a bad thing,
taking you backstage
to meet Snappy, but then,
it led us to having this conversation,
which is a good thing, I think.
[SIGHS]
Where is everybody?
Well, Kyle and Casey's mom
picked them up,
so Simon, Lucy and Mary
rushed upstairs to bed.
I didn't hear them come up.
Of course not. None of them wants
to talk to either of us.
How can it only be 10:30?
- Do you wanna wait up for Matt?
- What do you think?
- Two scoops?
- Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.
All right, then, we'll see you there.
Bye.
- Should be fun.
- Yeah.
No, I think that's enough.
Okay.
That's it? End of discussion?
I'm man enough
to hear the word no.
Well, it's still early. Maybe we could
just take a break and then reconsider.
I have a better idea.
I should let my dad fix me up
more often.
Stop, it's your third bowl.
I can't help it.
Put it back.
Gaining 10 pounds
won't bring Matt home any faster.
I thought you liked me
with a little meat on my bones.
I lied.
Okay.
Well look who's still awake.
LUCY: Hi.
MARY: Hi.
Hi.
The next time the two of you
decide to double-date,
I think you should know
who you're going out with.
Making dates with strangers,
it's not a good idea.
- Yeah.
- Does that mean
I'm actually allowed to date?
I think your mother and I are gonna
require proof of good judgement
and then we'll get back to you.
Simon.
We need to talk.
- Good night.
- Good night.
Good night.
So...
...what prompted your two little friends
to ask your sisters out?
It wasn't me.
It must have been that film.
That film is making everyone crazy.
I wish they'd never shown it.
It ruined everything.
- How's that?
- What ever happened to romance
and feelings and falling in love?
All they showed was a bunch
of animals and a singing zookeeper.
If I wanna know how monkeys mate,
I could talk to Matt
or Mom or even you.
So I'm third?
My point is I didn't need
to see that stuff.
I mean, we've been talking about sex
around here for ever.
Yeah, but unfortunately, all some kids
are told about men and women
is what they learn in school.
Lucky for me, I have an older brother.
Matt knows everything.
Where do you suppose he learned it?
I don't know, Dad.
Good night.
Dad. Dad, I'm home.
Connie.
For a minute,
I thought it was your mother there.
You look beautiful, honey.
You look pretty good yourself.
Thanks. Sorry we didn't come by
before the dance,
but we were running late
for our dinner reservation.
Did you two have a good time?
Yes, sir, I did.
I'll make you a cup of tea
and I'll tell you all about it.
- Really?
- Yeah, really.
Thanks, I had a really nice time.
Me too. Bye.
- Bye.
- Bye.
Thanks.
ANNIE:
Matt?
- Did you have a nice time?
- Yes, I did.
Connie's a really nice girl.
- Thanks.
- For?
Everything.
I'll get it out of him tomorrow.
Hey, look.
It's tomorrow.
Let's go.