7th Heaven (1996–2007): Season 11, Episode 5 - The Replacements - full transcript

Lucy Camden Kinkirk tells two girls they won't get access to the pregnancy home apartments, neither trough her nor Annie, but such cheap rent remains a prize worth fighting for. When Reverend Eric Camden's car breaks down, he learns that T-bone, the movie ticket sales-boy who has a crush for Lucy, is actually a courageous abandoned kid, now out of a home. When the snooty girls turn up at the house, they tell T-bone is a high-school boy called Theodore; Eric lets them stay for one night till Annie returns, even after he found out they smoke pot. Annie gets real surprises when back early, and insists it's for the pastors to find a solution for the floozies. Sandy makes Eric listen over the phone to her boyfriend Daniel, who she now believes to want nothing then loveless sex and housekeeping comfort, while he recalls his up-front intentions, then Martin barges in. T-bone insists he can't stay or he'll spill the beans as long as Eric hasn't told the family about his heart problems, which he guessed after witnessing Kevin's sacrificed trousers, but Eric only tells Annie about his intention to keep home-teaching the twins, his last change not to be a mainly absent parent.

Oh, hi!

Are you the new mom?

Uh, Lucy Kinkirk--
Reverend Kinkirk.

- Hi. -Hi.
- Hello.

Oh, well, I've got
your keys here.

Apartment 3-C, and I think

you're really going
to be happy here.

Me, too. Thank you.


Uh, is everything okay?


Uh... I hope
you don't mind my asking,

but what trimester are you in?

- Ninth.
- No.


Uh, we have to go.


You're not pregnant, are you?

I don't really think
that's any of your business.

This is a home for young women
who aren't married

- who are having babies.
- I know that.

Okay, so are you
or are you not pregnant?

She's not, and I'm sorry!

I found this
in your reception area.


We need a place to stay.

Well, I'm sorry.

Who's the boss here?

Well, normally,
that would be the social worker,

who's not here today,
or my mother,

- but she's out of town.
- When will she be back?

It doesn't matter
when she'll get back.

She won't give you
an apartment either.

We have a waiting list.

And I can't believe
you would lie to get in here.

You can't believe
that I would lie

to get an apartment
that costs $350 a month

rather than sleep in my car?

Look, if you want to come see me
when I get back,

the day after tomorrow,
I'll be happy to sit down

and talk with you.

I want to talk with your mother.

Well, I think she would just
refer you to me.

- Well, we don't know that,
do we? -I know that.

I think you're just
a little afraid

of us going over your head.

No, I'm not.

Look, my husband and I are here
doing repairs and...

That's your husband?

Yeah, we talked to him.

Yes, he's the stupid one

who arranged for me
to give you the keys.

We'll be back
the day after tomorrow.

Or you can go by the church,
Glenoak Community Church, and...


I think I have a friend
that's staying there.


You mean your friend goes there.

Yeah, goes there, all the time.

Well, I'd be happy to help you.

By not giving us what we want.

Well, I think
we'll look up your mother,

but hey, thanks for the offer.

And from now on,
I'll do the talking.



♪ 7th Heaven ♪

♪ When I see
their happy faces ♪

♪ Smiling back at me ♪

♪ 7th Heaven ♪

♪ I know there's
no greater feeling ♪

♪ Than the love of family ♪

♪ Where can you go ♪

♪ When the world
don't treat you right? ♪

♪ The answer is home ♪

♪ That's the one place
that you'll find ♪

♪ 7th Heaven ♪

♪ Mmm, 7th Heaven ♪

♪ 7th Heaven. ♪

Oh, hey, Mrs. Beeker.

Uh, I'm just, I'm just
finishing up here,

and I should be by

to pick up the boys in...
five minutes.

So let 'em know I'm on my way,
if you would,

and-and thanks so much
for watching them for me,

which is why I guess
you're not answering the phone,

'cause you're watching
the boys...

I hope.

I'm sure. Okay.

Well, on my way.



Thought he'd never leave.

Why... why didn't
we just say something?

We're not here to see him;
we're here to see T Bone.

- He's not here.
- Well, we'll wait.

It's creepy in here.


(ignition sputters)

(ignition sputtering)

(pumps gas pedal)


- Hi, it's me again,
uh, Mrs. Beeker. -(phone beeps)

And, uh, I seem to be
running out of battery,

and, uh, doesn't seem
as if my car is going to...

(phone beeps)




T Bone.

From, uh, movie theater
ticket sales.

May have heard about me
from Reverend Kinkirk

or her male companion.

Yes, her male companion
and husband Kevin mentioned you.


I, uh, keep forgetting
that she's married.

Born too late.


And it's like
you came out of nowhere.

- Oh, I, uh, I live near here.
- Oh.

So, you want me to take
a look at your car?

Yeah, thanks, sure.

My, uh, dad was a mechanic.

(ignition clicking)

Uh, you don't have a cell phone
on you, by any chance, do you?

Oh, sorry, no.

No, uh, cell phone,
Game Boy,

Xbox, PS2, iPod or computer.

Although, I do have
a George Foreman grill.

My children didn't have cell
phones for the longest time,

and then I went out
and got them cell phones,

and poof, the kids
just disappeared.

Odd. Well, guess it happens.

Ruthie, I heard,
disappeared to Scotland.

- Yeah.
- It's good for her.

Yeah, yeah, good for her.

And-And for Simon and Mary
and Matt--good for all of them.

The, uh, birds
have flown the coop.

Phew! You could say that.

Well, uh, thanks.

Nice meeting you.

I guess I'm just gonna
walk home.

(door slides open)

It's not that far to my house.

I've-I've walked before,
many times before.

Well, uh, my apologies
I wasn't able to assist you.


No apologies necessary.


Were you on your way
to see me at my office?

Um, well, I-I'm currently
without family

and, uh, shelter.

I, of course, was hoping
to move in with Lucy,

but that didn't work out,

and Kev, I could tell,
is a little threatened, so...

I thought you said
you lived near here.

Yeah, I-I said that because
I don't so much as live

but stay near here at present.


I'm, uh, currently residing
at the church.

I, uh, break in at night
and use your bathroom

and sleep in your office.

You break in?

You weren't, uh,
under the impression

that you had some sort
of security system, were you?

No, but there are locks.

Not good ones.

I guess not.

Uh, every night for how long?

I don't know,
the last couple months.

I'm sure eventually
you would have discovered me,

but I sensed
a more immediate opportunity

to divulge my whereabouts.

So you have no other family?
Where are your parents?

Well, uh, I don't know where
my dad is; I've never met him.

I see.

And did you say
where your mom is?

She moved.

Um, she left
no forwarding address.

Uh, just a note saying
that she had to go

and she couldn't take it

She-She couldn't
take what anymore?

Couldn't take
having a kid anymore.

Although, I'm not a kid.

I'm quite mature for my age.

I don't have a high school
education as of yet

and, uh, my job
doesn't pay much,

and, well, I don't always
make it to the next paycheck

with enough food allowance.

And yet, uh...

you shared a pizza
with my daughter.

I confess to seeing it
as an investment in my future.

Come on. Walk home with me.
We'll talk.

I wonder where T Bone is.

Know he's not working today.

Today's his day off.

He's up to something.

I just want to sleep
in a normal bed.

In a normal house.

Well, the only way
that's going to happen

is if we find Mrs. Camden.

This isn't so bad.

It's a lot roomier than my car.

And there's a bathroom.

Maybe Lucy's lying.

Maybe she's not out of town.

Yeah. Yeah, you're right.

And, I mean, can there really be

that many pregnant teenage girls
in one place?

There's not one empty apartment
we could have?

When's your friend
having her baby?

- What friend?
- The friend you said

lived in those apartments.

Oh, I just made that up
to get us in the door.

- Let's go.
- Go where?

I'm going to get us
one of those apartments.

(phone ringing)

(answering machine clicks)

LUCY (recorded): You've reached
Glenoak Community Church.

Please leave a message
and have a blessed day.

(machine beeps)

Dad? Look, you know,

something funny is going on.

I-I tried you at home,
I tried you on your cell.

You know, if you get
this message...

(machine beeps)

You do seem out of breath.

How's your health?


You seem more than slightly
out of breath.

No, I don't.

My mistake.

What do you know?

I don't know anything.

But I can surmise from the fact

that you're sensitive
about your breathing

that there's some sort
of health issue, possibly.

You do know something.

How do you know something?

Honestly, I don't.

You got a few messages
to call a Dr. Tsegdye's office.

But the nurse didn't say why,
so I know nothing.


Is there any reason why

the homeless guy Stanley
might know something?

Why would Stanley the homeless
guy know something?

I don't know.

I just saw Kev giving him his
pants a couple of nights ago.

I, uh, was camping out
in the booth.

I do that sometimes when
I don't have enough bus money

to make it to the church.

Are you seriously ill?

No, I'm not.

If this is a bad time
for me to be at your house,

again, I would welcome
the solitude

of the church accommodations,
following that spaghetti supper.

No, you just come home
with me now.

Hey, maybe I can be
of some help.

I'm a good

It's always good to have
someone to talk to.

I don't want to talk about it.


So there is something going on.

Does Mrs. Camden know?

No one knows.

Except for...
Stanley the homeless guy

and, uh, possibly Kevin,

which would
automatically mean Lucy,

which may be the reason
that, uh, they fled the city.

They didn't flee the city.

So they'll be back tonight?

They're staying away
for a couple of nights.

How sick are you?

T Bone, come up
and see our hamsters.

I will.

Thanks for the invitation.



Oh. Sorry, girl.

This is some spread.

Thank you.

Feel like I've died
and gone to, uh...


Can I see the upstairs,
visit the hamsters?

Yeah, of course. I'm just
going to go get the dog.

- Hi.
- Hi.

Um, I was looking
for Mrs. Camden.

And normally I would
go to the front door

instead of coming
to the back door,

like I work here
or something,

but I saw you pull
into the driveway

and walk through the gate.

Oh. Mrs. Camden's out of town.

I'm her husband Eric Camden.

The reverend guy?

- Yes.
- Oh, great.

You know, you don't really
look like a reverend.

I've heard that before,
and recently.

Can I help you?

I doubt it.

And why would you?

I try to help pretty much
anyone I can.

It's kind of my line of work.

Look, um, no offense,
but, uh, can I just wait

for Mrs. Camden to get home?

Till tomorrow?

Yeah, I mean, I could
just sleep in my car.

And if the cops come by,
I'll tell them

that, uh, you said I could park
in the front of your house.

Are you from the home
that Annie's been working with?

Am I a pregnant
teenage mother?

Do I look pregnant?


Thank you for that.

That doesn't mean
you couldn't have had a baby.

You got me.

I left my baby in the trunk.

Just let me go get him
real quick.

There's really no need
to be sarcastic.

I just thought
you could have been

one of the mothers
from the home.

Wow, are... are you
a little slow or something?

No, I'm not a mother
from the home.

Of course, if I were a mother,
then I would have a home,

because that's
what the homes are for.

You know, maybe I should
just go get knocked up.

But then that would
spoil my plans for a life.

I swear, you have to be pregnant
or an alcoholic or a drug addict

to get any help around here.

That's not true.

Actually, it's not true at all.

You can get help around here
anytime you need help,

but first, you just need
to tell me what help you need.

What's that little jerk T Bone
doing following you home?

What does he need?

He has a job, he has cash,
he has friends.

You know him?

Yeah, everybody knows him.

He knows everyone.

And he doesn't know half
of what he says he knows.

I have to go inside
and get dinner going.

Uh, my daughter and her husband

are not around tonight,
for some reason.

Oh, yeah. They're up
at that little mothers' home.

I saw them.

They're no help,
neither of them.

Well, Annie's really the one
you need to talk to about this,

but she's been gone
for a couple of weeks,

and she's due back
tomorrow morning.

So while I'm trying
to figure out what to do here,

uh... would you like
some spaghetti?

Does it have mushrooms?

'Cause I hate mushrooms.

No. No mushrooms.

Come on in.


- Nice.
- Thanks.

You going to clean it up
before she gets home?

I'm certainly going to try.

You hungry?

On and off.

Not old enough for welfare,

and too old to get
into social services.

Mm. And not pregnant enough

to get into the home
that Annie set up.

You just can't let it go,
can you?

I'm not that stupid.

I'm not stupid enough
to get pregnant.

Does the other one live here

whenever she's not out
critiquing roofers?

Her husband's hot, you know.

He's not really my type.

He's wound up
a little too tight.

Uh, L-Lucy and her family
live right behind us.

In the garage apartment?

Uh, no, in a house.
We're kind of treating

the garage apartment
as a guesthouse.

Y-You got a look at the
garage apartment, did you?

I noticed it, yeah.

I was thinking...

maybe I could be a guest
for a night or a week or so?

How old are you?

How old is T Bone saying he is?

- Eighteen.
- (chuckles)

Yeah, right.

18-year-old junior
in high school.

Hey, what happened
to the curly-haired one?

You know, short,
curly hair, good dancer.

Oh, Ruthie. Yeah.

She elected to stay in Scotland

as part of a student
exchange program

she got involved
with this summer.

So you have an exchange
student staying here?

Uh, no, you know, uh...

she got involved in the program

a little too late
for that to happen.

And my wife and I are
actually quite happy

just having
the two little ones here.

I don't think I got your name.

What do you think
T Bone's name is?

I don't know.



like Leave It To Beaver.

Can you believe that?

Theodore is a nice name,
but... T Bone's kind of fun.

And your name?


Very creative choice,
don't you think?

And your parents are
around, not around?

- Guess.
- I would really hate to guess.

I'm just, I'm a bad guesser.

My dad's a magician.

In that he likes to disappear

and reappear whenever
he runs out of money.

Magician and gambler.

And my mom,

my mom got tired of him,
met a guy on the Internet,

and he lives with us.

She's nice enough, but...

he keeps threatening
to smack me.

Calls it "tough love."

So I don't really have
a safe place to go right now,

except for my car,
and I'm sort of out of gas.

Well, almost out of gas.

Long way up to that home
for nothing.

- Is it your car?
- I'm not a criminal.

I didn't steal the car.

My dad bought it for me
when he was flush.

18, high school graduate?

How'd you do in school?

Do you want to see my résumé?
I have a résumé.

No, that's okay. And-And you
have a friend who's living

in the home that Annie
helped put together?

I said I did, didn't I?

Grab the salad,
and throw it into the bowl.

Look, just tell me-- can I stay
in the garage apartment?

I don't know.

I-I'm thinking about it.

I'll-I'll think about it
over dinner.

Just until I find something.

Oh, no, no, no, no, no.

Uh, I can only
decide about tonight.

For additional nights,
we'd have to consult Annie.

And if I'm not mistaken,
you smell like pot.

Do I?

Yeah, you do.

How would you know?

I know.

Well, maybe it's secondhand pot.

Yeah, maybe, but I doubt it.

And I don't want anyone
in the house

or on the property
with illegal drugs.

Would you allow anyone
in the house

or on the property with drugs
if drugs were legal?

Your mom's boyfriend...

he's not threatening
to smack you around

'cause you're smoking
his pot, is he?

And you call yourself
a bad guesser.

What? I don't have any on me.

Lucy's husband
is a former police officer.

Yeah, so? He can't arrest me.

I don't have any pot on me.

In the car?

Couple of doobies, man, okay?

Well, that's going to have to go
if you want to stay here.

Can I just stay in my car
in the driveway

until Mrs. Camden gets home?

And smoke pot? No.
But what you can do

is you can give me
the pot you have

and we'll flush it, and then
you can stay in the house

or in the garage, and I'll
hook you up with Lucy tomorrow.

Let's get her involved.

Involved how?

What about Mrs. Camden?

She may be busy tomorrow.

And Lucy's really good
with teenagers.

She has a lot of resources,
and she'll help.

She's-She's really good
at helping.

Not that my wife isn't,
but, well, she's been,

she's been out of town
for the last couple of weeks

and we have
some catching up to do.

Look who's here.

Spreading sunshine and joy
throughout the Camden household?

Shut up, freak.

That's weird--
telling yourself to shut up.

You wouldn't be high, would you?


But even if I was high,
I'm still smart enough

to know where my mother is.

Hey, hey, n-none of that.
Look, uh,

you both need a place
to stay, you're both hungry,

and you're both here
at an unbelievably bad time,

when I'm more than a little
stressed and very tired,

so if you want a place
to stay tonight

and you want something to eat,
then just do whatever I say,

and there won't be any problems.

Okay, any more problems.


(door closes)


Oh. I think she's just, you
know, gone to clean out her car.

She'll be back.

- She's a pothead!
- I heard.

She hangs out
with some questionable women.

Yeah, but I think
they hang out with my wife.

And just because a young woman
gets pregnant

doesn't mean she's
of questionable character.

And frankly,
if Jane is smoking pot,

then she's probably
got some problems

that she's not dealing with
that she should be dealing with,

so I'm going to try to help
her out or-or get her some help.

You can't help everyone.

No, I can't help everyone.

Not tonight, anyway.

And, uh, certainly not if I want
to finish everything

that I want to get done
before Annie gets home.

It was clean yesterday.

The house was clean, and then...

And then me,
and then Jane and...

People happen.

Yeah, people happen.

So I guess I'll just put
all this other stuff

on hold till tomorrow.

You can't die from having
too big a heart, can you?

(garbage disposal churning)

I don't know
what the big deal is.

I realize that, and yet
I don't feel like explaining it.

I just want to get
dinner over with

and get everyone
settled in for the night

and just do a couple
of the things

that I intended to do
before my wife comes home.

Oh, geez.

Hope my life didn't upset
your evening, Reverend Camden.

- Didn't even want to stay here.
- Yeah, you did.

I said I'd do the talking.

Look, once your wife gets home,

maybe she can get us
one of her cheap apartments

until we find
a real place to stay.

As far as I know,
there are no vacancies.

And, uh, the apartments
are just for

young women who are pregnant.

Yeah, but that's as far
as you know.

Maybe Mrs. Camden planned on

having a couple extra apartments
for emergencies.

Ever consider
using your pot money

for, say, a deposit
on an apartment?

You know where we can
get an apartment

with a deposit of 50 bucks?

I'm sure you can justify
spending your money on pot,

but then, we can always justify
anything we're doing

as long as we're doing it.

I got it from
the Internet boyfriend

of my mother's, remember?

And you are?

She's doing the talking.

Well, you do the talking.

How old are you?

- I don't know.
- Eighteen?

Not 18?

I don't know.

T Bone?

I was taken by surprise myself.

Never seen this one before.

- Hi.
- Hi.

- Hi. -Hi.

We have guests tonight.

Can we keep them?

Yeah, we have plenty of room.

Uh, well, we-we have room now,
but we don't always have room.

Sometimes your brothers
and sisters come home.

Our brothers and sisters
never come home.

They left.

(phone ringing)

Excuse me.


Hi. Reverend Camden?

- Yeah.
- You don't know me, but...

Oh, well, why on earth should
that make any difference

when I have a house
full of strangers?

Sandy told me you were
that kind of guy.

What kind of guy?

The kind of guy who would help
anyone anytime they asked.

Well, uh, generally yes,

but I'm a little pressed
for time tonight, so...

what do you want?
How can I help you?

I'm in school with Sandy.

We're both new to
the seminary program.

And over the past few weeks,

we've taken an interest
in each other.

And I was wondering...

do you think a guy should try
to have a relationship

with a woman who has a baby
and who has a shot at having

a relationship with
the father of that baby?

I don't know.

I... I really don't know.

I mean, I-I don't know you,

and I haven't talked
to Martin lately,

and I haven't even talked
to Sandy lately, unfortunately.

So based on what I know,
which is nothing,

uh, I would say, why don't you
just go on being friends

for right now, be...


Uh, I really, I have to go.

I'll talk to you later.

Okay. Well, thanks.

Just friends.

All right.

Well, we both agreed to go
with whatever his advice was.

Call him back.

See if you can get
advice we like better.

I can't.

Are you sure?

Because I really like you.

I like you, too.

But maybe we should take our
time and get to know each other.

What we like and don't like
about each other.

That sounds reasonable.

How long would we have
to know each other before...

...before we really
know each other?

Really know each other?

You mean...?

I mean... I want
to be your boyfriend.

I'm in love with you.

I'm in love with you.

Um, I'm in love with you
and I want to be your boyfriend.

- Do you?
- What happened?

Did you find something you don't
like about me that quickly?

Hey, what kind of guy
calls a minister

to see if he can...
have a relationship?

A loser.

You know, I-I don't even
know your name,

so no negative comments
or opinions.

T BONE: You weren't at
our high school.

Private school?

- She's doing the talking.
- Runaway?

Could somebody get me
a colander?

Strainer? Something?

They're hot.


Yeah, but we still
can't keep them.



- Surprise.
- Surprise.


- Surprise!
- Surprise!


- Hi.
- Hi.

So who are all
your new little friends?

Uh, they are new.

Very new. I just met them
in the past couple hours.

And I had no idea you were
coming home tonight.

It's so good to see you,

but I wanted to do so many
things before you got here.

Oh, I know, I know.

That's why I came home
a day early.

So that, you know, I'd be here
before you started

scrubbing the house
and cleaning,

and I succeeded beyond
my wildest dreams.

That's okay.
I've got plenty of time.

I don't care.

Tomorrow, while the boys
are at school,

I will scrub the kitchen
and the bathrooms

and do the laundry
and I will leave

your new little friends
and their problems with you.

- What?
- So good to see you.

I really, really wish
we didn't have a house

full of desperate teenagers.

So do I.

But the boys seem quite taken
with Jane and-and the other one.

And-And T Bone--
is he still pursuing Lucy?

Is that why he's here?

- That could be part of it.
- And what's the other part?

He doesn't have a place to live.

I thought maybe.

Well, it's too bad
I'm enjoying my life

without the children so much.
He seems very nice,

but, you know, he's got to go
and so do the girls.

Right. Uh...

You want to tell them?

No, I'm not going to tell them.

They're your friends,
you tell them.

And I-I can't put them
in the home for teen mothers,

'cause they're not mothers.

And besides,
we filled all the units.

No room at the inn.

I'm sure Lucy explained
that to them.

And they can stay here
the night,

but tomorrow morning, well,
I'll take the boys to school,

and tomorrow morning
you can deal with them.

Okay, I just, I'm not sure if
I can deal with them in a day.

I'll bet you can.

I know you're going to find
a way to deal with them

that will let me still
enjoy my life

in my big, almost-empty house.

Just so you know,
uh, Jane smokes pot.

But I made her get rid of it.

Disposal... phew!

- What?
- Maybe if you could just

get up in the morning and go
look for an apartment for them

and I can pull some
emergency funds from the church,

and I'll work on something
for T Bone,

and I can take care
of Sam and David,

make sure they get to school.

Go look for an apartment
for those two

so they can what,
continue smoking pot?

No! They need to be
someplace supervised.

Not here, but somewhere.

You decide-- you or Lucy,
the two of you.

That's your territory.

You're right.

Although, you-you know, you
could, uh, take the girls, uh...

for a chat with Greta
in the morning.

You know, unofficially.

They're too old
for Child Services,

but she just knows so much--

and you and she have become
such good friends.

So maybe if you could just
drop by in the morning.

Such good friends that I would
just drop by unannounced

to ask her to help you out
with two potheads

that we just met?

What's going on?

"Potheads" is kind
of a strong conclusion.

Eric, what's going on?

What's going on?

You mean... beside...
everything going on?

- Yeah! -(phone ringing)
- Is that the phone?

Hey, that's the phone.
Right back.

He's kind of busy right now,
but I'm a good listener,

and I'm not entirely
unfamiliar with your situation.

See, Martin went
to my high school.

Uh, you know, Annie's outside,
if you want to talk to her.

Ooh, we're out. Let's go.

Do you think you might
help me clean up here?

Oh, certainly.

I didn't know if I should
touch your things.

Dinner was, uh, tense.

- Hello.
- Are you busy?

I'm terribly busy.

Y-You just, you got me
on the wrong night, when...

(knocking on door)

Just a minute.

What do you want?

Other than
what you wanted before--

what you all want.

Is it that I'm a single mom

and you figure I've had
sex before--

hey, why not have sex
again... with you?

- Sandy?
- Just a minute.

I want you to hear this.

Could we talk,
just the two of us?

Let's make it the three of us--
you, me and Reverend Camden.

Hi, Reverend Camden.

I agree the two of you
should talk.

No. Wait.

You don't know what happened.

He told me he was
in love with me

just so he could sleep with me.

Or because I'm in love with you.

No, you're not.

You don't even know me well
enough to be in love with me.

And you never even had any
intention of getting to know me,

other than to "know me" know me.

If you know what I mean.

I-I think I do.

Why don't you two...

And all you ever do
is come over here

and study and eat my food
and hang out in my apartment.

And the only reason
that you ever do that

is you think that you can
con me into believing

that I'm someone special to you.

Or that you're in love with me.

You are someone special to me.

And I think I am
in love with you.

Look, the reason I came back
over here was to apologize,

and to confess, that yes,
I am trying to sleep with you.

Which I thought was clear.

I didn't think I was trying
to hide the fact

that I was trying
to sleep with you.

It's not like I tried to trick
you with some chicken piccata.

Let's leave Martin out of this.

And you can't cook.

You talk. You're a talker.

And you tried to talk me
into doing something

that I didn't want to do.

I thought you did.

Well, I didn't.

I thought we were
just making out,

just getting to know each other.

Then fine, that's what
we'll do... if you want.

But look, I actually don't see
having a physical relationship

with a woman as a conflict
with everything else I believe.

I'm still here.

I have something to say
about this. Still here!

I'm confused.

I know.

Maybe I'm a little
confused myself.

I thought you wanted
what I wanted.

I want a boyfriend.

I want to be in a relationship.

I want to be in love and
get married before I have sex.


Okay, what?

Okay, can we talk about it?

You're not going
to change my mind.

It's taken me a long time
to get here.

Give me a few months.

Get to know me,
let me get to know you.

Then let's have this talk again.

Until then,
let's not see other people.

Let me be your boyfriend.

Isn't that pretty much
what I tried to do?

And you're not
even speaking to me.

I know you saw me
in the parking lot.

Otherwise, I think
you would have left.

I think I really need to get

to know both of you
a little better.

- I don't think so.
- I don't think so.

You want to be her boyfriend?

Please. I'm the father
of her baby.

Isn't that pretty much
what I told her--

to be friends
and get to know the guy?

Maybe helping
all these people...

I don't know, maybe it's not

what you're supposed
to be doing right now.

With you being the exception?

Well, yeah, but I serve
a purpose being here.

Well, you know,
we all serve a purpose

in being here, so to speak.

There's some extra toothbrushes
in the medicine cabinet

in the upstairs bathroom.

Oh, my, uh,
my teeth will survive.

You have to tell your family.

Specifically Annie.

You have to tell her
what's going on with you.

Or I can't stay here.

I talk too much.

But you don't know anything.

I do.

I wish I didn't, but I do.

The messages from
the doctor's office were vague,

but not so vague that I don't
know you're in some real trouble

with your heart.

You have to tell her, Reverend.

Oh, girls, it's so difficult
growing up these days,

but we-we can't fix
everything in one night.

So, make yourselves at home
in the garage apartment,

but no smoking.

No pot, no cigarettes.

No smoking.


And we won't be
any trouble at all.

Not at all.

What she said.

They're gonna stay in
the garage apartment

for one night.

That's it. One night.

I'll find out
what I can tomorrow,

about them,
about their families.

The quiet one, she aged out
of social services;

isn't that sad?

It is. There are a lot of kids
on the street

who never had a home
other than social services.

Where did they meet?

At a job fair.

They were applying to be
air traffic controllers.

They just want to find work,

they want to have a life,
but you know,

how are they supposed to know
what to do

when they've never been with
responsible people, you know?

So who was on the phone?

Sandy. Personal crisis.

Some slick guy
from the seminary.

I remember when you were
a slick guy from seminary.

Anyway, uh...

So, what, no Martin?

No Martin.

I thought things were
going good with Martin.

Yeah, they were, until she
made out with this other guy.

Oh, why did she do that?

Why does anyone do anything?

You know, I think
she'll give Martin

another shot
at some point, I hope.

I know you think I've been
acting a little strange.

Well, you have been
acting a little strange.

Although I must say,
trying to help three teenagers

who you don't know,
all in one evening,

that's, you know,
close to normal for you.

I would say,
tonight you're close to normal.

And yet... not quite.

I still think
you're hiding something.

I am, Annie.

I am.

I know.

You know?

About the hamsters.

You do?

Yeah, I think you must've

stepped out with Happy
when I called the other day.

The boys told me.

Well, then I guess...


I guess they also told you
that I took them out of school.

Out of school?

That crazy teacher,
Ms. Margo...

Oh, the one
you were flirting with.

I wasn't flirting with her.

You were flirting with her.

You dressed up
in a costume for her.

It wasn't a costume,
it was a Ramones T-shirt.


You can't take them
out of school, y-you know that.

I'm homeschooling them.

- What?
- I'm homeschooling them.

How can you homeschool them
and do your work?

You're not home.
You're never home.

You're always gone.

No! No.

No. I can't.

Okay, okay, but they do,
they do--they love it, Annie.

And-And they're just, they're,
like, speeding through the work.

And I'm not even sure that they
shouldn't skip this grade

and just go onto the next one.

And I can make the time
to teach them; I can.

'Cause I-I just, I want to...

I just want to spend more time
with Sam and David.

I-I want to spend as much time
with them as I can.



they're my boys, you know?

And I didn't spend enough time
with any of the others,

and it's too late now.

It's too late.

They're grown up.

You know,
they're away from the house,

and they got lives of
their own that don't include me.

And that's okay, you know.

Children are supposed
to grow up.

But I just, I want to spend
more time with Sam and David,

because I feel like
I hardly know them.

Well, I suppose
if we homeschooled, we...

wouldn't be so tied
into the Monday to Friday

and the 8:00 to 3:30 schedule.

No, not at all.

Or the September
through June schedule.

Yeah. 'Cause they're
only required

to finish each assignment

and finish the work for each
grade within a calendar year.

Yeah, yeah. You know what, Eric?

I-I don't know if it's
the jet lag talking,

but I'm-I'm...

well, I'm-I'm not
entirely opposed to, uh...

to your idea, no, not at all.

I mean, we don't,
we don't have to raise the boys

the way we raised
the other children.

No, we don't, I mean,
not if we don't want to.

Not if we don't want to.

And we don't want to.

I don't want to.

I mean, this-this feels great.

This is actually
what I've been feeling,

and now you're feeling it, too.


Feeling what, too?

The freedom that comes with
the age we are.

The freedom to say no.

The freedom to not care
what other people think.

The freedom to be us,
to be different.

The freedom to enjoy our lives,

to enjoy our family and
everything that we've created.

We've earned this,
you've earned this.

You have every right
to do whatever you want

and to raise your two boys
however you want to.

I support your decision.

Homeschooling it is,
hamsters and all.


Oh, absolutely.

I love you.

I love us.

I love that we're in this
big adventure of life together,

you and me.

I've missed you.

I missed you, too.

You know, it was strange.

I walked in the house tonight

and the kitchen was
full of teenagers.

And it wasn't that long ago

when all the children
in the kitchen were ours.


Okay, that almost
never happened.

There were always
two or more of them

from some other family.

You were meant
to solve problems,

you were meant to help people.

So you do whatever
you need to do

to help T Bone and Jane
and the other girl.

And if I can help you,
you know that I will.

I don't want a house
full of children,

but, hey, sometimes we plan
and God laughs, right?


So... let's go to bed.

I can't wait to be in our bed.

Don't tell me there's more than
homeschooling and hamsters.



I'm sure people must think

you're having an affair
with the teacher.

Yeah. Afraid so.