7th Heaven (1996–2007): Season 11, Episode 16 - Gimme' That Ol' Time Religion - full transcript

When they realize that Ruthie has a secret and T-Bone won't talk, the Camden parents fear her sudden religious interest means something bad, even if their denial of sex is sincere. After some prodding, the twins tell Annie, Kevin drags and bribes out of Mac, Lucy learns from Sandy and even Eric from Margaret and Jane that it's just tattoos, like Simon, Lucy and Mary at earlier times, supposedly all unknown to the oldies; again everyone tries to pretends to most others neither to know nor to have told, then the game shifts to guessing who knows what and who should tell Eric (his heart!) or not...

"Like a gold ring
on a pig's snout

is a beautiful woman
who shows no discretion."


Forgive me, Lord,
for I have sinned.

And then...

someone begat someone else
and then someone else begat...


Where's all the good stuff
when you need it?

Give us this day our daily bread
and forgive us...

No, forgive me...

No, let them forgive me.

"It is better

"to live in the corner
of the housetop

than in the house
with a quarrelsome wife."

There's got to be something
somewhere in here

that would cover this situation.

Hey, what's Ruthie
going to have?


We didn't ask her.

Why'd you go all the way up
two flights of stairs

if you weren't gonna ask her?

She was having church.

She was saying prayers.

And reading the Bible.

Not your mom-- Ruthie.

Did you ask Ruthie
what she wanted for a snack?

Really, Dad, Ruthie's
busy with God stuff.

Ruthie is reading her Bible
and saying prayers?

Maybe I'll just go up and see if
I can help her with that.

If a cracker is
the body of Christ...

I wonder what a cookie is.

"Because of this,
I will weep and wail.

"I will go about
barefoot and naked.

I will howl like a jackal
and moan like an owl."

♪ 7th Heaven ♪

♪ When I see
their happy faces ♪

♪ Smiling back at me ♪

♪ 7th Heaven ♪

♪ I know there's
no greater feeling ♪

♪ Than the love of family ♪

♪ Where can you go ♪

♪ When the world
don't treat you right? ♪

♪ The answer is home ♪

♪ That's the one place
that you'll find ♪

♪ 7th Heaven ♪

♪ Mmm, 7th Heaven ♪

♪ 7th Heaven. ♪



- Good morning.
- Good morning.

Annie said to tell you
that we're out of Cheerios,

but if you want eggs
or bacon or toast,

you're more than welcome
to make anything you want.

Oh, no.

Thanks, anyways.

I got to get going.

I actually want to
catch the early bus.

I have to get to
the library, so I...

Hang on just a sec.

You have any idea
what's going on with Ruthie?


Your girlfriend, my daughter.

Um... haven't seen
her this morning.

No, I have no idea
what's going on with her.

No idea whatsoever.

Ah, that's interesting.

- Is it? -Well, I just
haven't seen you two

talking or making out, uh,
for almost a week now.

Why is that?

That's really kind of personal.

Yeah, that's how it felt
when I kept seeing you

kissing my daughter--
really kind of personal.

I'm just not comfortable
discussing this with you.

You know. The father,
the reverend...

- Oh.
- ...the landlord.

And yet you have no trouble
with the actual making out.

No. I wasn't comfortable making
out in front of you either,

but I, well, I had very little
to say about that.

And I have very little to say
about our current situation.

- What happened?
- (sighs)

Just tell me, 'cause someone's
gonna tell me eventually,

and you might as well
make it you.

I can't.

Ruthie--she asked me not to.

And you agreed not to?

Well... I don't know
if I agreed exactly,

but still, it just,
it wouldn't be right.

It's a... private matter.

Have you not learned
there are no private matters

in this household?

- No?
- Mm-mm.

Is that true?

Oh, it's completely true.

And, you know, sometimes

it's-it's, ah, it's just nice
to get the opportunity

to-to get your side of
the story out there first.

You know?

You might want to make me
understand your point of view

even before I hear
the other side of the story

from my own daughter,
whom I dearly love.

Okay, honestly, I-I don't think
it's a good idea.

I don't even think it's a good
idea for us to be talking.

Why is that?

'Cause she is your daughter,
whom you dearly love.


I mean, dearly, dearly love.

And I just hope
you remember that,

even in your darkest hour--

meaning yours and Ruthie's
darkest hours.

I wasn't referring to
your health, and, uh...

How are you, by the way?

Feeling... strong?


All I'm trying to say is that

I know how much you love Ruthie,
and you'll get through this.

She'll get through this.

I'll get through this.

We all will, God willing.

Even Mrs. Camden.


"God willing."

- Yes?
- Hmm.


It's just a saying.

It's a religious saying.

For some.

Something's going on here,

and I'm gonna get
to the bottom of it.

Yeah, there is a bottom to this.

Look, Theodore,
I love my daughter, but

I really care
about you a lot, son.

Well, thank you,
but, uh, smart enough

to know that feelings
don't always last.

And if that's the case here,
I completely understand.


Wait, wait, wait, wait,
wait, wait, wait, wait, wait.

"Here" with-with you and me
or with you and Ruthie?

Did you two break up?

we're taking a break.

I don't think
it's an actual breakup.

That will probably
depend on you.

You and Mrs. Camden.

And anyone else who gets a vote.

Why are you taking a break?

Your idea or her idea?

That's something you're
gonna have to ask Ruthie.

I-I'm sorry.

I wish I could tell you, but...

I can't, I just can't.

- Why not?
- RUTHIE: Dad?

What are you doing?

Well, I was, uh,
just trying to talk to him.

And why would that be?

'Cause he lives here.

You know, I thought he might
have done something

that he'd want
to talk to me about.

Have you done anything with him

that you want
to talk to me about?

No, but even if I had,

I'm sure you could
recall the verse

in the New Testament--

"Forgive him, for he knows not
what he do."

Or did, or does.

My point being,
we should all forgive.

I mean, that's what we should
all do, forgive,

no matter what, right?

Not that he has anything
to be forgiven for.

Nor do I.

It's "forgive them,
they know not what they do."

And what part of the Bible
is that from?

It's from the new part.

It's Christ giving forgiveness

to those who are
about to betray him.

I thought so.

But I thought
that was referring to Judas.

No, it refers to...

Are you taking some sort of
course in religion?

No, I'm just

- studying on my own.
- Oh. When did you

start doing that?

I don't know.

Like, recently,
in the past week or so?

I've always been interested
in religion, Dad.

I mean, how could I not be
when you're my dad?

But you became more interested,
like, in the past week?

I guess.

Have you and T Bone...

The two of you--
you-you haven't...

Have you...

You-You're not...

Are you...

Having sex?

God, no.

No, we're definitely
not having sex.

Nor have we had sex
or will we ever have sex

until and unless we're married.


Why would you think
we've had sex?

Just because I'm interested
in spiritual matters?


Did you two get married?

- Dad! Come on!
- Well,

you know, I went upstairs

to see if you wanted
a snack last night

when I thought
you were studying,

and I-I heard you reading
from the Bible and praying.

Well, why didn't you join me?

I don't know.

You seemed so focused

on what you were doing
that I just left.

Are you and T Bone together?

Not together?

You're taking a break
from being together?

The third one.


We're just gonna see
how it goes.

Ruthie, are you okay?

I'm fine.

My life is changing.

Constantly changing.

And sometimes things change
for the good

and sometimes things change
for the bad.

And sometimes I don't know
which it is, good or bad.

But... "to everything,
there is a season."


But you know that.

Well, bye, Dad.

I love you.

If you need me to help the boys

with their homework or help out
with anything around the house,

all you have to do is ask.

Hey, I'm here to serve.

Have a blessed day.

(door closes)

What was that?

Where are the boys?

Oh, I sent them back upstairs
to look for some subjects

for their papier-mâché project.

I can't get an answer
out of any of them, you know--

not the twins
or Ruthie or T Bone.

They're all over the place.

No, no, you got an answer.

We got the answer
that we've been looking for.

They're not having sex.

And I believe her, I do.

Then what else has made her
so suddenly religious?

Look, Lucy got interested in
religion back in high school.

Right? And she wasn't doing
anything wrong.

Well, nothing
that we know about.

Are we really going to let
Ruthie's reading the Bible

and praying make us
this suspicious

that she's doing something bad?


I know. It's terrible, isn't it?

What else could it be?

I don't know.

You don't think they got drunk

or experimented with drugs
or something like that, do you?

They both came home
not feeling well last weekend.

I don't think Ruthie was
drunk or high, do you?

I don't think so, but something
was wrong that night,

and something's been
wrong all week.

You don't want to go to
Lucy's and see if

they found out anything, do you?

I'll stay with the boys.

- Good morning.
- Good morning.

Good morning.

Hi, Savannah.

Or, you know,

maybe it's not
such a good morning.

Ruthie called me last night

and asked me if she could start
coming to my teen class.

I don't get it.

She's had an open invitation
to-to join my teen class

ever since
it's been in existence,

and she's never been to it.

Is Sandy still
teaching that class?

Sandy does not teach it.

She's watching me teach.

Have you tried

just talking to Ruthie?

Hello. Yes, of course
I've tried talking to Ruthie.

For a week now.

I-I can't get
a confession out of her.

Why can't Protestants confess?

I mean, why do Catholics have
to have a franchise on that?

Well, dear...

even if Ruthie confessed
to me or Lucy,

we couldn't tell you what it is
that she confessed.

- That's probably why
priests don't marry. -Why?

You think I couldn't get
Ruthie's confession out of you?

Oh, wait a minute.

Wait just a minute.


- Kevin.
- Ditto.

Well, it's just that
if a criminal

is going to get religion,
he usually does it

between the guilty verdict
and the sentencing.

- Hey.
- Hi, Luce.

Hey, I am so glad
you got down here early.

Well, I'm so glad my dad could
take Aaron today so I could.

How is your dad?

Sober and happy
and working hard.

And he gets along better with
Martin's dad than me and Martin.

Well, that's good, I-I guess.

Yeah, and they started that
little lawn service business,

and they're actually making
money, so they hired

more people to work for them, so
he took the day off to babysit.

Wasn't that nice?

It's very nice.

Aaron loves him.

And he's actually
really good with babies.

Of course, he's kind of
childlike, my dad.

But not too childlike
to babysit.

Do you know something
about my dad?

Is that what you want
to talk about?

Oh, oh, no, no, no.

I-I didn't mean to alarm you.

I just wanted to come and have
lunch and talk.

No one wants to just
come and have lunch and talk.

What's going on?

Martin didn't find out about
my date last weekend, did he?

No, but how'd it go?

Let's just say it's still going.

He's called me
every night this week.

Well, that's good, I guess.

I-I... I don't know.

Anyway, um... I know
this may sound silly,

but we're all a little concerned

about Ruthie and T Bone--
well, mostly Ruthie.

Um, you know,
Kevin, my dad, my mom, me.

- Oh.
- And we were wondering

if, you know,
maybe she called you.

Called me?

Yeah, I guess we're all
just really desperate

to find out if she confided
in someone, and...

I-I know it's a long shot,

but I thought that maybe,
you know...

Yeah, she called me.

Wait, Ruthie called you?

I mean, she doesn't even...

I mean, I mean, she likes you,
it's just that...

What did she call you about,
if you don't mind telling me?

I don't mind.
Just... stuff.

Do you mind
telling me what stuff?

She wanted to know if I told
my parents when I was getting

in trouble in high school
or if they found out.

Things like that. The same
questions that I've gotten

from all the girls in
your class. And I told her

that that class was a really
safe place for her to talk

to other young women
that are struggling

with the challenges
of just... growing up.

So she said she would ask you
about coming to the class.

What could she have done?

I don't know.

Are you sure?


You do know!

Please don't ask me.

I can't say anything.

She's gonna come to the class,
and she can tell you.

Right in front of everyone?

Well, there's a reason for that.

A reason like...

Sometimes if you have bad news,
it's easier to say it

in front of other people.

Or in a public place.

Especially if you don't know
what the reaction's gonna be.

Well, she told you
whatever it is in private.

You know what I mean.

Sometimes when a person
has done something

that they're not proud of,

it's easier for them to talk
to someone else

that's done something
that they're not proud of.

Like me.

What could Ruthie have done
that she's not proud of?

I can't; I promised.

Well, she obviously
wants me to know.


(crowd applauding,
cheering over TV)


Who is it?

It's me.

You loser!

You know that's not your baby!



Would you let me in?

Isn't the door unlocked?

Oh... it's the other guy,
you moron!

You think that forcing a guy
into a paternity test

is going to make him like you
any better?


Would you let me in?

(shuts off TV)

Hey, Kevin.

Hey, yourself.

What's going on in here?

I'm just studying for a test.

Not a paternity test, I hope.

No, just world literature.

You're watching TV.

I'm taking a little break.

The test is at 3:00.

I'll only be a minute.

(sighs) All right, well, I don't
guess that you'd want to see

the end of that show
I was watching, would you?

I'm just fascinated
by the whole human drama--

why people would go on TV
and air their dirty laundry.

I just--I don't get it.

Neither do I.

Nor do I get why people like you
pay to watch them.

It's just that it's a real-life
study in human behavior.

Speaking of which, what's
going on with Ruthie and T Bone?

Speaking of which?

We weren't speaking
of which, were we?

I-I know I wasn't.

I knew you'd know something.

Did I mention that I have a test
in world literature at 3:00?

That's literature
from all over the world.

I've had so much
world literature to read

from all over the world

that I haven't had time
to do anything else.

I haven't seen Ruthie
or T Bone in...

a long time, very long time.

Like a week?

Something like that.

Why don't we both sit down?

Uh, I-I wish I could,
but I have to study.


So, it was a week ago
that you saw T Bone last?

Almost that.

I-I gave him a ride home
from the Promenade last weekend.

He wasn't feeling well, was he?

Let me see. Uh...

Yeah, you're right.
He-He wasn't feeling well.

How's he doing now?

He's fine.

I'm glad to hear it.

What would you know
about T Bone and Ruthie

that you wouldn't
want to tell me?

See, th-that's funny that you
say that, because I was reading

that the properly-phrased
question contains the answer.

Don't give me any of
your world literature garbage,

just answer the question.

Kevin, you're not
a police officer anymore.

If you were, I'd have to answer
you, but you're just a friend.

And Ruthie's my friend,
too, and so is T Bone.

In fact, T Bone got me my job,
and that job pays my rent,

and he could possibly
get me out of that job

if he chose to do so.

I think that we just need
to let well enough alone

and let these
two young lovebirds fly

wherever they want to fly.

What the heck does that mean?

It means that I can't tell you.

It means that it's
none of my business.

It means that if they want
to make it your business...

it's up to them.

Did T Bone or Ruthie
tell you not to tell me?

Not only did they
tell me not to tell you,

but I promised,
on my mother's grave.

Okay, well, I can respect that.

Then again,
your mother's not dead,

so I think there's a little room
for a compromise here.

What if I guess?

No, no, don't-don't do that,
don't guess.


- No.
- Alcohol?

No, b-but please don't do this.


That-That's old news.

She had sex in Scotland,
and Mrs. Camden knows it,

and she's okay with that.

That was a lie.

Ruthie didn't
do anything in Scotland,

and Mrs. Camden would
never be okay with it.


I guess I misunderstood.

Tell me what you know.

I can't.

Could we stop now?

I'm hungry.

Oh, no, no, no, keep talking.

What else have you seen?

That's it.

Okay, okay, so what
do we have so far?

Okay, T Bone and Ruthie
keep sneaking around

late at night talking,
but they're not making out.

- Check.
- Check.

Okay, and they're not arguing.

- Check.
- Check.

But he keeps saying,
"Tell them."

- Check.
- Check.

Okay, what would they tell us?

I mean, what are they hiding?

Think, boys, think!

You must know something else.

You must have heard
something else.

Or maybe there is
this one thing.


They don't know we know.

I see.

Can you bake us
some chocolate chip cookies?

Hello, Margaret.


Hello, Jane.

Hi, Rev.

Honestly, we would have
told you, but we couldn't.

Told me what?

He doesn't know anything.

He's not here for the burgers.

No, I'm not.

And-And you do know something,

I told her not to do it.

Yeah, we both did.

No, we both didn't.

JANE: Okay, well,
maybe I didn't.

But it was her decision.

Well, hers and T Bone's.


You really don't know anything?

Then we should not be
the ones to tell you.

Why not?
Someone is going to tell me.

Well, it's not going to be us.

I don't think we want
to take responsibility

for telling you
something that might...

...that might kill you.

Oh, come on,
it is not that serious.

Maybe not to you,

but these are
God-fearing people.

Like God cares about that.

I don't know!

We didn't say that we wouldn't
tell anyone.

Please, I...

Look, I promise I-I won't die
from, you know, whatever it is.


I can't believe you told him.

You know, you didn't
have to tell him.

You're the one who actually
said the word "tattoo."

I said, "tiny tattoo."

Oh, so you told him
the truth and lied

all at the same time.

He's going to see it,
and it's not tiny.

He said he wouldn't say
anything; he promised.

So how's he going to see it?

She's not going
to show it to him.

And even if she does,
it's just a tattoo.

I don't know
what the big deal is.

So she has a tattoo?

That's the worst thing she ever
does, then they're lucky.

Yeah, if.

But if that tattoo leads
to her smoking cigarettes

and pot and drinking,
then they're not so lucky.

Okay, tattoos do not lead
to smoking and drinking.

In fact, it's usually
the other way around.

Drinking and smoking
lead to tattoos.

I can't believe she did
something that stupid

stone-cold sober.

You told her
where to get it done.

I didn't know she'd get
what she got where she got it.

I thought she'd start out small.

Oh, here comes Mac.

Do not tell him
we told Reverend Camden.

Do not tell anyone.



Because we don't want him
to think

we're the kind of people
who tell secrets.

And we don't want him to tell
Ruthie and T Bone that we told.

Hey, roomies.

- Hi.
- Hi. We're working.

I'll have a cheeseburger
and a vanilla shake.

Lay some yellow on a dead cow!

And shake up Snow White!

Those guys are, like,
three feet away.

Why do you have to scream
like that?

They make us.

And it's fun.

I like to scream.


Well, all right.

You can pay for this, right?

Yes, I can pay.

So how'd your big test go?

Pretty good, I think,

Considering what?

You don't know anything
about world literature?

No, I do.

I mean considering

Kevin Kinkirk, former cop,
came snooping around,

trying to figure out what Ruthie
and T Bone are up to.

Did you tell him?


Why? Did he come by here?

No. The reverend came by here.

We didn't tell him anything.

Well, good. I think that Ruthie

should be the one to tell them.


Hey, guys.

I just want to grab a burger
before I hit the road.

Did, uh, you see Lucy today?

Why do you want to know?

Oh, we're just curious.

Have you talked to Ruthie

Have you talked
to Ruthie lately?

Okay, I didn't say anything.

- Me neither. -Me neither.
- Me neither.

- Mmm!
- Mmm!


Hello, Miss Cutie Pie.


How'd things go with Sandy?

How did things go with Mac?

- I know.
- I know.

I can't believe Ruthie did that.

Or T Bone.

I mean, how stupid can you get?

Like they're never going
to be with another person?

I'm relieved
it wasn't anything worse.


Kevin, this could
put Dad over the edge.

The big edge.

The final edge.

Oh, come on,
he knew something was up.

He knew she did something
he wasn't going to like.

It's just a tattoo.

Of a guy's name.

Like yours is any better?

Please don't ever
say that out loud again!

Please, we can't ever, ever
let him know or my mom know.

They can't.

Would you stop panicking?
You're an adult.

It's your body; you can do
whatever you want with it.

You're a grown woman
with a baby.

Yeah, well, so is Mary,

and they don't know
about her tattoo either.

What about Simon's tattoo?




Does Ruthie know?

Of course not.

You think we want to be
a bad influence on her?

She's never seen
any of your tattoos

and neither
have your parents?


They would kill us.

And it would kill Dad.

He can't ever know about this.

Guess it, uh, took you
a little while

to get the information
out of the boys, huh?

Oh, they don't know anything.


You didn't.

All right. They know plenty.

And now I know.

Yeah, so do I.

- Jane and Margaret?
- Mm-hmm.

I-I imagine Lucy found out.

Kevin, too, probably.

Young people aren't good

at keeping
these kind of secrets.

Do you think Ruthie
will tell us herself?

Hard to tell.

T Bone?

Not unless Ruthie lets him.

I can't believe it took us
this long to figure this out.

She just looks so young.

I know, but she's not.

The boys say it's really big.

And it's his name.

Right across her backside.

- Mm.
- I want to cry.

No, I-I did cry.

All afternoon.

I wonder how Ruthie feels.

Oh, I don't know,
but she feels

like the others did about us.

I mean, she thinks
we're going to kill her.

She's afraid of us.

Yeah, so afraid that she's
suddenly turned religious?

No, I-I don't think
it's a good idea

to get someone into religion
out of fear, do you?

No, I-I don't like any decision
made out of fear.

So what are we going to do?

Same thing we did
with the others?

I guess we can try.

This one's going
to be a little tricky,

but I think if we can get
past the first few weeks,

we should be okay.

That's a big if.

Lots of people are involved.

You don't think any one of them

is going to tell her
that they told us?

And admit
that they're the snitch?

Nah. You think?

That's right, not wanting to be

the snitch is
a powerful incentive.

Course we didn't have
this problem

with the others, you know.

I don't know
if the others told anyone

except each other, of course.

And the others
liked their tattoos.

I-I don't know
if Ruthie likes hers.

Well, you know, maybe...

maybe it's time to alter the
course of Camden tattoo history.

Maybe we should try another way.

Another way, like what?

Maybe we should just
flush them all out.

Oh, after all these years?

We could.

Could we?

Might be worth a try.

It's just not as fun
as it used to be.

You remember when Matt

all of a sudden started
wearing socks all of the time?

He still wears socks all
the time when he's around us.

I don't know what he thinks
we'd do to him at his age.

And-And Mary can't wear
backless dresses.

And Lucy can't wear low pants,

and Simon can't wear
short sleeve shirts.

Not letting them know
that we know

has certainly been rewarding
at times.

Why would all of our children
get tattoos?

Preacher's kids?

Yeah, but other kids do it, too.

Yeah, but how many other parents
have let their silence dictate

their children's clothing
choices for so many years?

I hate tattoos.


- (sighs)
- (chuckles)

I love our children,
all of our tattooed children.

I love Ruthie.

And I love that T Bone.

I do.

Well, now, don't be sad.

Maybe we can still
have some fun with this.

You think your heart's up to it?



Don't let me interrupt.

Just... just getting
a cup of tea.

Maybe I'll just
let you two talk.

No, please, don't leave.

T Bone, you know anything
about the beatitudes?

No, I don't believe I do.

But I don't know anything
about calculus either,

and I got a big test tomorrow,
so I'm gonna say good night now.

Good night.

Fine young man, that T Bone.


I, uh... I know that you two

are having some kind
of misunderstanding,

but we-we like him,
just so you know.

I like him;
I never said I didn't like him.

Well, good, then maybe the two
of you can work something out.


Anything I can do
to help that along?

Not that I know of.

It's awfully uncomfortable
being in a house

with two teenagers who are...
taking a break.

I know you're interested
in forgiveness.

Are you also interested
in forgiving?

You know, I've got a calculus
test tomorrow, too,

and it's getting late.

Late? Oh, come on.

The night is young.



What's your favorite
part of the Bible?

I don't know,
but the writers seemed to be

very interested in begetting.

Yes, there's certainly
a lot of that--

back then and even now.

Dad, I told you,

T Bone and I aren't begetting.

I-I understand that, but
sometimes it's just so difficult

to tell a parent something

if you don't think
that parent will approve.

You're not trying
to take my interest in religion

and use it against me, are you?

Why would I do that?

I don't know.
Why are you doing that?

I just don't want you to come
to religion out of fear.

And what would I be afraid of?

I don't know.

I'm not afraid of anything.

All right.

I'm not.


It seems...
ye doth protest too much.

That guy who was supposed
to kill his son?


- He was in the Bible?
- Just tell me.

I don't have anything
to tell you.

Do you have something
to tell me?

So you found out nothing?

You know, I-I don't really
want to know anything.

You know, I think
we should just let it go.

If she wants to tell us,
she'll tell us.

Otherwise, we might just
be forcing her to lie

about whatever is going on.

- You think?
- KEVIN: Yeah, or it might

force us to tell the truth.


Oh, not us--them.

You know, Ruthie and T Bone.

Them, too.

Okay, Luce, maybe you're right.

Maybe we should just let it go.

Maybe it's just
one of those things that

we're not going to know.

And parents don't have to know
everything about their kids,

as much as we'd like to
all think that we do.

Yeah. Just one of those things.

That we're never going to know.

That we're never
going to know.

Teenagers, huh?

Yeah, teenagers. Hmm.

Well, good night.

Night, Mom.
Thanks for the brownies.

Oh, you're welcome.

And Luce, thanks
for just being you.

You've always been
such a good girl.

I love you.


(chuckles softly)

She knows.

Knows what?

About Ruthie and T Bone.

She knows, and she's testing us

to find out if we know
and if we'll tell her.

So why didn't we tell her?

Because she didn't tell us
that she knows.

Maybe if she knows about them,
she knows about

you and your brothers
and sisters.

No, she doesn't.

We're all
a lot smarter than Ruthie.

Ruthie's pretty smart.

Pretty smart?

She has a tattoo
that says "T Bone."

Why is that worse than flowers
across your butt?

You know... I told you I was
just trying to fit in

when I moved to New York.

Yeah, fit in

with your dope-smoking,
wino future in-laws.

I... I've never been cool,

and-and I just wanted
to be cool.

And I thought that if I got
a tattoo, I'd be cool.

I'd have it taken off,

but I'd have to go
to a foreign country

or word would get out
all over Glenoak.

I mean, do you think
that I enjoy

hiding my backside
every time I bend over

outside of this house?

Then stop hiding.

And don't put Ruthie in
the same position

you and your brothers
and sisters are in.

Never mind.

I'll do it.
I'm going to tell your dad

what I know about
Ruthie and T Bone.

I don't think so.

I think so. And I'm going to
tell him you have a tattoo, too,

and so does everybody
else in this family.

And if he's got
a problem with that,

he's going to have
to get over it,

because it's not healthy
living like this.

No, no, no, no, w-wait, wait.

Don't do anything stupid.

Don't do anything
you're going to regret.

I didn't.

I don't have a tattoo.

Do you know how upset Matt,
Mary and Simon would be

if you told on them
after all of these years?

Maybe they'll be relieved.

Or maybe they won't.

Fine, I'll just rat you out.

No, Kevin, please!

Are you crying that I might tell
your dad you have a tattoo?

When you got the tattoo, didn't
you know it was a mistake?


She's in the bathroom.

How's it going?

The others, I was angry with.

They were so determined
to sneak around

that I felt totally justified
in what we were doing,

but Ruthie, she's...

Ruthie. I know.

(footsteps approaching)

We have something to tell you.

(door opens)

ALL: We have something
to tell you.

Lucy has something
to tell you.

You knew?!

I can't believe that
not one of you could

just keep a stupid secret
for just one week.

And the twins-- how many hours

did you spend with them making
that apple before they gave in?

Don't blame them.

I'm not blaming them.

I'm blaming... everyone else.

And you're going to have to
get a lot better

at this if you're going to
become a minister,

because people are going
to tell you their secrets.

And you can't just go
running off

to everyone's sister
and just spill your guts.

And you... how could you
put her in that position?

How could you ask her that?

Why didn't you just ask me?

I tried.

Well, you didn't try very hard.

And you told Kevin?

Why would you do that?

I paid him.

You paid him?

20 bucks.


Oh, like you're any better.

And don't even tell me

that you told me not to do it,
because it's too late.

I did it.

Oh, and thanks
for the info on where I could

get a tattoo when I'm underage.

There's an age?

Yeah, there is.

You're supposed to be 18.

Oh, I didn't know.

Well, maybe you should
have known.

This is all my fault.

I should have been stronger.

I just--I didn't know
that you were going to go...

well, crazy.

Well, I did.

And I'm not happy about it.

Now I have to live with
this stupid thing

for the rest of my life.

Let go of me!

I can't.

Your sister has something
she wants to tell you.


Not just you... Mom and Dad.

You knew?!

You have a tattoo?

She came back
from New York with it.

How did you know?

You hold your shirt down
every time you bend over.

Suspicious behavior led to...
suspicions confirmed.

What else do you know?

Boy, this is better than
I ever...

I'm sorry.

What else do we know?

Well, we know that
children often don't do

what you tell them to do
or not to do.

And we can't always keep you
from making bad decisions.

So you just let us

live with
the guilt and the shame

and the fear
that you'd find out?

Pretty much, yeah.

I'm sorry, did you
say "us"? "Let us live"?

(clears throat)

Uh, us-- Ruthie and me.

Oh, okay.

I think this is all
we'd like to, uh, say

on the subject of tattoos
for one evening.

It's late, I'm tired,
I-I want to go to bed now.

- Good night.
- Good night.

- Good night.
- Night.

- Night.
- Good night.

- Good night.
- Night.

You couldn't have told me?

You couldn't have
told me?

Do you want to tell her
anything else?

No, I don't.

I-I just want to go home.

Good night.

Come here. Okay.

Wait. Um...

I can't keep this.

Well, I guess we should
be going, too.

Good night.

I'm sorry.

Yeah, yeah.

You were right,

about the not being able
to keep a secret.

I apologize.

I knew you would tell
when I told you.

And I didn't really want
to go to that class.

I just wanted someone around
when I told Lucy.

And I wanted Lucy to tell Kevin
and Mom and Dad

so that I wouldn't have to.

And I just didn't know that

the whole world was
going to pitch in.


I apologize.

I know you think that I'm still
interested in Martin

and that I'm jealous of you
or something,

but I'm not, I'm really not.

And I wish I could have
an interest

in spiritual matters like you.

And I like you.

And I like Mac and Margaret
and Jane.

And I hate this tattoo.


Well, just don't hate yourself.

It's hard not to.

I've been there.

And, Ruthie, everyone finds
their own way in their own time

when it comes to religion.

And you're surrounded by people

who would love to talk to you
about spiritual matters.

I said I wish I could have

a real interest
in spiritual matters.

Right now, I don't.

I get it.
I didn't mean to push.

But if you ever...

Good night.

Good night, T Bone.

I love you.


I love you, too.


I have to.

I have your name
permanently engraved on my body.

And I have your...

My initials,
hidden on your ankle.

Lucy has a tattoo?

People do crazy things
when they're in love.

I can't believe
she actually thought she'd

spend the rest of her life with
that idiot she was engaged to.

I hope no one ever
says that about me.

We're not engaged.

It's not an engagement ring.

It's a, uh...

promise to be engaged,

or something like that.

It's beautiful.

So are you.

You think there's any chance

that this whole experience
with the tattoo

might catapult Ruthie
into a more spiritual life?

Oh, Eric... no.

No, but now that she's
not coming to it

out of fear and she's seen
that no one is going to die

from a tattoo...

No. No!

Well, maybe.

Maybe someday.

Well, someday,
but not right now.

Well, thanks for leaving us Matt
and Mary and Simon to toy with.

Yeah, maybe if they
come home more often,

we'll let them off the hook.


(chuckles softly)

- Good night.
- Good night.