3rd Rock from the Sun (1996–2001): Season 3, Episode 7 - Eleven Angry Men and One Dick - full transcript
Dick has jury duty. The clearly guilty but friendly looking defendant is the same man who offered Dick candy earlier on and Dick can't bring himself to declare him guilty. In a café Sally meets Seth, a dark, mysterious and British writer. Obviously much to the dislike of Officer Don, Sally's intrigued by him and copies his black clothing and British accent. Meanwhile, Tommy and Harry help Mary with her pre-verbal experiment for which they aren't allowed to talk for five whole days.
[RING]
HELLO.
UH, NO, YOU HAVE
THE WRONG NUMBER.
I'M GOING TO TRANSFER YOU.
BUT IF I LOSE YOU, TRY AGAIN.
NINA, HOW MANY STUDENTS HAVE
SIGNED UP FOR MY DEMONSTRATION?
NONE.
NONE?
OH, WAIT...
NONE.
WHAT'S YOUR DEMONSTRATION ABOUT?
OH, IT'S A LITTLE
EXPERIMENT I DO EVERY YEAR.
A FEW STUDENTS COMMUNICATE
WITHOUT WORDS FOR AN ENTIRE WEEK,
AND THE REST OF THE CLASS
LEARNS WHAT LIFE IN A SOCIETY
WITHOUT LANGUAGE WAS LIKE.
YOU MEAN LIKE...
THAT'S GOOD FUN. NO
ONE WANTS TO DO IT?
I KNOW. YOU'D THINK KIDS
WOULD BE LINED UP FOR $10 A DAY.
YOU DON'T HAVE TO BE SARCASTIC.
I'D HAVE 50 STUDENTS LINED UP IF IT
WASN'T FOR THAT DAMN FINANCIAL AID.
DICK, SOMETHING
BIG HAS HAPPENED.
IT'S BIG, I TELL YA. BIG, I SAY.
"YOU HAVE BEEN SUMMONED
TO SERVE AS A JUROR"
"IN OHIO STATE COURT,
RUTHERFORD, OHIO."
"SUCH SERVICE IS A
PRIVILEGE AND A DUTY..."
OH, JURY DUTY? THROW IT OUT.
AND IF THEY CALL YOU ON IT,
TELL THEM IT WAS
LOST IN THE MAIL.
THAT IS WHY THE JUDICIAL
SYSTEM IS IN SUCH A SHAMBLES.
IT'S PEOPLE LIKE YOU WHO
ARE TOO APATHETIC TO SHOW UP.
YOU THREW YOURS OUT LAST YEAR.
WELL, YEAH, I'M NOT ABOUT TO
SERVE ON A JURY IN THE SUMMERTIME.
WELL, WINTER, SPRING,
SUMMER, OR FALL,
ALL THEY HAVE TO DO IS
CALL AND I'LL BE THERE.
YES, I WILL.
WELL, WHAT A HUGE HONOR.
A TREMENDOUS OPPORTUNITY.
WELL, THANK YOU, BOYS.
NO. NO, NOT YOU, DICK.
ALBRIGHT'S OFFERING 10 BUCKS
A DAY FOR PEOPLE NOT TO TALK.
ARE YOU INTERESTED?
ARE YOU KIDDING? THAT'S
DOUBLE WHAT SALLY PAYS.
OHH!
HI.
[ENGLISH ACCENT] HI.
WHAT'CHA WRITIN'?
MY THOUGHTS.
HOW NOBODY UNDERSTANDS ME,
HOW UTTERLY ALONE I AM,
AND HOW MUCH IT HURTS ME THAT...
I DON'T CARE.
OH, MY GOD! THAT'S
EXACTLY HOW I FEEL.
I... I'M SALLY.
I'M SETH.
SALLY...
WOULD YOU BUY ME A SCONE?
[ENGLISH ACCENT] I KNOW, SETH.
I HATE THAT, TOO.
[COUGHING]
SALLY, THANK GOD YOU'RE ALIVE.
WHAT?
UH, A TANKER FULL OF MILK
JACKKNIFED ON THE INTERSTATE.
I THOUGHT YOU MIGHT BE IN IT.
NO, DON, I'M FINE. I'VE
BEEN HERE ALL DAY
PRACTICING MY
SMOKING AND MY ACCENT.
WELL, THIS TRIP WAS UNNECESSARY.
YOU WANT TO CHECK OUT THE WRECK?
I'M A COP. I CAN
GET US REAL CLOSE.
OH, NO, THANKS, DON.
YOU DON'T WANT TO SEE A WRECK?
ARE YOU FEELING ALL RIGHT?
I'M FINE. I JUST GOT TO
GO MEET THIS GUY SETH.
YOU KNOW, YOU
WOULD REALLY LIKE HIM.
SETH?
I PICKED HIM UP AT
THE COFFEE SHOP.
HE TALKS KIND OF
FUNNY, BUT HE IS DREAMY.
HE'S AN ARTIST, BUT
HE'S... TORTURED.
TORTURED, HUH?
THERE'S A LOT OF
THAT GOING AROUND.
HE'S SO WONDERFUL.
YOU KNOW, I HAVE NEVER
FELT THIS DEPRESSED BEFORE.
I'M REALLY HAPPY FOR YOU.
OH, LOOK AT HIM.
HOW MUCH MORE GUILTY CAN
YOU GET? I MEAN, HE'S GOT A GUN.
THAT'S THE BAILIFF.
OH. OH, WELL...
WHAT ABOUT HIM?
HIS EXPENSIVE SUIT,
CLUTCHING A BRIEFCASE...
HE'S A LAWYER.
OH. WELL, HIS TURN WILL COME.
I'VE BEEN SITTING IN
THERE FOR 2 HOURS.
YOU'D THINK THEY'D AT
LEAST PUT OUT A BUFFET.
YEAH, I LOST 75
CENTS IN THAT THING.
NUTZIT?
COOL RANCH?
BARBECUE.
NO, THANKS.
MAYBE JUST ONE.
ALL RIGHT, EVERYBODY, LISTEN UP.
WE'RE ABOUT TO START THE
JURY SELECTION PROCESS.
THE FIRST CASE ON THE
DOCKET IS A PETTY THEFT.
MMM... NO.
I'M LOOKING FOR SOMETHING
A LITTLE MORE MEATY,
INTERNATIONAL SOFTWARE
PIRACY, PERHAPS,
OR MAYBE A TRIPLE HOMICIDE.
OK.
JUST LET THE JUDGE KNOW WHEN
YOU FIND SOMETHING THAT TICKLES YOU.
OH, WILL DO.
OH, AND, HEY...
THANKS.
HARRY AND TOMMY SOLOMON
WILL DEMONSTRATE HOW
PRE-VERBAL SOCIETIES FUNCTIONED.
FOR THE NEXT 5 DAYS,
24 HOURS A DAY,
THEY WILL FUNCTION
WITHOUT WORDS.
LET US BEGIN.
THAT MEANS I'M HUNGRY.
THAT'S GOOD, BUT NO TALKING.
OH!
YOU CAN'T DO THAT, EITHER.
OH, NOT THAT, EITHER?
OK, NO MOUTHING.
OH, SORRY. ALL RIGHT, WE GOT IT.
YEAH, IT'S TOUGH AT FIRST.
OK, YES. ALL RIGHT.
OH, UM, OH, UH...
McHALE'S NAVY.
YES!
THIS IS GREAT. HE GOT IT.
PEOPLE, WHAT YOU
SEE HERE TODAY IS REAL.
IT IS NOT A SETUP.
ONE MORE WORD OUT OF YOU
AND YOU'RE NOT GETTING PAID.
YOU KNOW, I HAVE NEVER
MET ANYONE LIKE YOU, SETH.
MOST GUYS I MEET HAVE
GOALS AND CAREERS.
NOT YOU. YOU'RE AN ARTIST.
ARTIST!
HOW CAN I PAINT WHEN SEAGULLS
ARE CHOKING ON PLASTIC CAN HOLDERS?
OK, LET'S GO DOWN TO THE
LAKE, GRAB A 6-PACK OF 'EM,
AND SET 'EM FREE.
WHAT'S THE POINT?
IT'S NOT GOING TO BUY A LITTLE KID
IN APPALACHIA HIS ASTHMA MEDICINE.
WE COULD ORGANIZE A WALKATHON
AND GET THAT KID SOME DOUGH!
SALLY, I HAVE A PLAY TO WRITE.
AND AN ARTIST LIVES
ONLY FOR HIS ART.
AND HE ONLY WEARS BLACK,
'CAUSE IT GOES WITH EVERYTHING.
AND NOTHING.
WOW!
SIR, HAVE YOU EVER BEEN
IN AN AUTOMOBILE COLLISION?
UH, NO.
BUT I AM A COLLEGE
PHYSICS PROFESSOR,
SO NO MATTER HOW
SOPHISTICATED THE ANALYSIS GETS,
UH, I'LL FOLLOW IT.
THANK YOU.
YOU'RE EXCUSED.
EXCUSED TO PREPARE FOR THE CASE?
NO, EXCUSED TO
GO SIT IN THE LOBBY
AND WAIT FOR THE NEXT CASE.
EXCUSE ME?
YOU'RE EXCUSED.
BUT I'M A PROFESSOR.
THAT GUY DOESN'T
EVEN HAVE ANY TEETH.
SIR, DO YOU BELIEVE EVERYTHING
YOU READ IN THE NEWSPAPERS?
NO, OF COURSE NOT.
THANK YOU. YOU'RE EXCUSED.
DO YOU BELIEVE EVERYTHING
YOU READ IN THE NEWSPAPER?
YES. EVERY LAST WORD.
THE NEWSPAPER IS MY BIBLE.
THANK YOU.
YOU'RE WELCOME.
YOU'RE EXCUSED.
OK, NOW IT'S PERSONAL.
THIS CASE INVOLVES
BIG-RIG TRUCKS.
DO YOU HAVE ANY
FEELINGS ON BIG RIGS?
YES, OF COURSE.
I THINK ANYONE WHO
DRIVES ONE IS GUILTY, RIGHT?
THANK YOU. YOU'RE EXCUSED.
GUILTY OF BRINGING
THE WORLD JOY!
I LOVE BIG RIGS!
DO YOU BELIEVE EVERYTHING
YOU READ IN THE NEWSPAPER?
YES!
NO!
I DON'T KNOW! I DON'T KNOW
WHAT TO BELIEVE ANYMORE.
YOU TELL ME WHAT TO
BELIEVE AND I'LL DO IT.
HE'S GOOD WITH ME.
ME, TOO.
OK, MR. SOLOMON, YOU'RE
SEATED ON THE CASE,
THE STATE VS. CHRIS FOSTER.
I'M IN?
I'M IN?
I MADE THE CUT!
I'M ON A JURY!
FINE. FINE. REPORT
HERE TOMORROW AT 8 A.M.
8 A.M. IN THE MORNING?
COURT IS NOW IN SESSION,
JUDGE HAROLD DEBELKO
PRESIDING IN THE CASE,
THE STATE VS. CHRIS FOSTER.
ALL RISE!
SO WHAT DID THIS
CHRIS FOSTER DO?
TELEMARKETING FRAUD.
WELL, HOW WILL THEY PROVE...
SHH! WE'RE NOT SUPPOSED TO TALK.
Dick's voice over: CHRIS
FOSTER, SNAKE OIL SALESMAN
WITH A SALAD OIL TONGUE,
AN ARMANI-CLAD,
PRIVATE-JET-PILOTING HUCKSTER
WHO GETS HIS KICKS FLYING MOM
AND POP INTO THE POORHOUSE.
WELL, FASTEN YOUR SEAT BELT,
FOSTER, I'M BRINGING YOU DOWN.
IT'S JUDGMENT DAY.
GOOD AFTERNOON,
LADIES AND GENTLEMEN,
AND THE DEFENDANT WILL RISE.
Dick's voice over: THAT'S RIGHT.
SHOW YOUR UGLY FACE, YOU FIEND.
YOUR HONOR.
OH, MY GOD!
IT'S THAT NICE MAN FROM
THE VENDING MACHINE.
10 GUILTY,
11 GUILTY,
ONCE AGAIN, ONE NOT GUILTY.
NOT GUILTY IT IS.
WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT?
LOOK, FOSTER SAID
HE WASN'T GUILTY.
ARE YOU CALLING HIM...
AND HIS ATTORNEY...
A LIAR?
YES!
NOW, LOOK, LET'S JUST SLOW
DOWN A MINUTE, CAN WE?
I THINK WE NEED TO
CONSIDER THE CONSEQUENCES
OF WHAT WE'RE DOING HERE.
CAN YOU LIVE WITH
SENDING THIS MAN TO JAIL
CONSIDERING THE INDISPUTABLE
FACT THAT CHRIS FOSTER...
IS SO PUDGY AND CUTE?
HOW PUDGY AND
CUTE THE DEFENDANT IS
HAS NO BEARING ON THIS CASE.
LOOK, THIS MORNING, NO ONE WAS
THIRSTIER FOR VENGEANCE THAN I WAS.
BUT NOW IT'S NOT JUST A
CRIME, IT'S A FACE, IT'S A PERSON.
AND HE WAS SITTING
RIGHT NEXT TO US.
HE'S GONNA KNOW WE DID IT.
LOOK, OUR JOB ISN'T
TO SEND HIM TO PRISON.
IT'S SIMPLY TO DECIDE BETWEEN GUILT
AND INNOCENCE BASED ON THE FACTS.
AND THERE ARE PHONE
RECORDS, CANCELED CHECKS,
AND 8 WITNESSES ALL
SAYING FOSTER DID IT!
WELL, IF HE STOLE THIS
MONEY, WHAT DID HE DO WITH IT?
HE SUPPORTED A
MISTRESS AND HER CHILD.
WE HEARD THAT TESTIMONY.
LISTEN TO YOU.
IN AN AGE WHEN A MAN CAN'T
EVEN SUPPORT HIS FAMILY,
THIS MAN SUPPORTED 2.
SEND HIM TO JAIL? LET'S
SEND HIM TO CONGRESS.
THANKS, JEFF.
HEY.
DO I, UH, KNOW... JEEZ!
SALLY! MY GOD,
WHAT HAVE YOU DONE?
SETH HAS CONVINCED ME
TO REJECT THE MEDIA'S
DEFINITION OF WHAT A WOMAN IS.
FROM NOW ON, YOU'LL
NEVER SEE ME IN TIGHT JEANS
OR A PUSH-UP BRA OR
THONG UNDERWEAR.
IN FACT, I'M DONE WITH
UNDERWEAR FOR GOOD.
HMM...
WHY?
SETH HELPED ME
SEE WHO I REALLY AM.
[ENGLISH ACCENT] I'M A
DIFFERENT PERSON NOW.
YOU'RE TALKING CRAZY.
YOU DON'T PAINT A
MUSTACHE ON THE MONA LISA.
YOU DON'T EAT STEAK
ON THANKSGIVING.
AND YOU DON'T MUCK
AROUND WITH SALLY.
OFFICER, WHY IS THERE
A BOOT ON MY CAR?
SOME GUYS GET A PRETTY LADY,
SOME GUYS GET THE BOOT.
LIFE AIN'T FAIR.
10 HAMBURGERS,
11 HAMBURGERS...
ONE PIZZA.
WHAT? I'M IN THE MOOD FOR PIZZA.
FINE! LET'S HAVE PIZZA.
AHA! IF YOU COULD HAVE PIZZA,
COULDN'T YOU VOTE INNOCENT?
NO!
MAYBE YOU'LL ALL
CHANGE YOUR TUNE
WHEN YOU HEAR ABOUT A LITTLE
THING CALLED REASONABLE DOUBT.
WHAT'S THE POINT?
THE POINT IS,
IT'S REASONABLE TO ASSUME
THAT FOSTER USED THE MONEY
TO PAY FOR HIS SICK DAUGHTER'S
LIFE-THREATENING OPERATION.
NO, IT'S NOT.
HE DOESN'T HAVE A DAUGHTER.
IT'S NOT A REASONABLE DOUBT
IF YOU JUST MAKE THINGS UP.
OH, SO IT'S TRUTH YOU WANT?
YES.
YOU WANT THE TRUTH?
YOU WANT THE TRUTH?
WELL, I CAN'T HANDLE THE TRUTH!
ALL RIGHT, SINCE YOU
HAVEN'T REACHED A VERDICT,
THE JUDGE HAS ORDERED
YOU ALL TO SPEND THE NIGHT
SEQUESTERED AT
GARY'S MOTOR LODGE.
OH, GOOD! WE CAN USE THE
TIME TO GET TO KNOW EACH OTHER.
OHH! OHH! OHH!
[TELEPHONE RINGS]
HELLO?
PSSST!
[COUGHING]
SALLY,
I WAS SURPRISED
TO HEAR FROM YOU.
[ENGLISH ACCENT] I WANT
TO KNOW WHAT'S GOIN' ON?
SETH'S GOT A LOT
OF PARKIN' TICKETS.
TELL THE MAN TO CHILL.
I SEE. WELL, YOU
KNOW WHAT, SALLY?
THIS MAN IS "THE MAN."
YOU THE MAN? I THE MAN.
WELL, WHY ARE YOU DOIN' IT?
BECAUSE, SALLY, HE, UH,
HE PARKS HIS CAR SLIGHTLY ASKEW.
SOMETIMES IT'S JUST
WEIRD-LOOKING THE WAY HE PARKS IT.
AND THAT'S A CRIME?
ACCORDING TO THE
LETTER OF THE LAW,
IT'S NOT TECHNICALLY
A CRIME, PER SE.
BUT IT'S A BIG FAUX PAS.
OH! THANK GOD YOU'RE HERE!
I NEED YOUR HELP.
[ENGLISH ACCENT]
DICK, TRIAL OVER?
ELIZA?
NO, IT'S SALLY.
OH. OH, NO, THE
TRIAL'S NOT OVER.
WE'VE BEEN SEQUESTERED
AT GARY'S MOTOR LODGE.
I'M NO LAW EXPERT,
BUT, UH, IF YOU'VE
BEEN SEQUESTERED,
I DON'T THINK YOU
SHOULD BE HERE.
I HAD TO COME. THEY'RE GONNA
CONVICT THIS POOR GUY CHRIS FOSTER.
OH, COME ON, HE'S GUILTY!
WELL, HOW DO YOU KNOW?
HE'S ON TRIAL, ISN'T HE?
OH, HE'S GUILTY?
GUILTY OF NOT BEING ABLE TO BUY
JUSTICE WITH SOME HIGH-PRICED LAWYER.
ACTUALLY, HE HAS A
HIGH-PRICED LAWYER.
HE MADE A NICE FORTUNE
SWINDLING PEOPLE.
SO HE IS GUILTY.
WELL, MAYBE HE IS,
BUT WHY DO I HAVE TO BE
THE ONE WHO SENDS HIM AWAY?
I'M THE FINAL BATTER,
JUROR NUMBER 4.
IT'S THE BOTTOM OF THE NINTH
INNING. THE COUNT IS 11 AND ONE.
FOSTER'S IN THE PENALTY BOX
WAITING FOR THE 2-MINUTE WARNING.
BUT WHO'S GONNA BLOW THE
WHISTLE ON HIM? NOT THE UMPIRE!
ME!
DON'T WATCH A LOT OF
BASEBALL, DO YOU, DICK?
WHAT A LOAD OF COBBLERS.
WHERE ARE YOU GOING, LIEUTENANT?
DON'T CALL ME THAT.
THAT'S NOT MY THING ANYMORE.
WHEN THE HIGH
COMMANDER HAS A PROBLEM,
HE TURNS TO HIS SECOND
IN COMMAND FOR COUNSEL.
THAT'S YOUR RESPONSIBILITY.
YEAH, WELL, RESPONSIBILITY
IS JUST A CHOKE CHAIN
ON YOUR CREATIVE...
DOG!
YOU HAVE A JOB.
YOU TOOK ON THIS ASSIGNMENT,
AND NOW IT'S YOUR
SWORN DUTY TO DO IT RIGHT.
[NORMAL VOICE] OH, JUST LIKE
YOU'RE DOING YOUR SWORN DUTY,
JUROR NUMBER 4?
NOT A WORD!
NOT A WORD!
I THINK TOMMY IS SAYING,
"GOOD WORK, HARRY.
THIS SHELTER WILL PROTECT
US FROM FOUL WEATHER."
ALL WITHOUT WORDS.
ALL WITHOUT WORDS.
I THINK HE'S SAYING HE NEEDS
MORE MASKING TAPE ON TOP.
NO, NO, THAT'S FOUL WEATHER.
OR... OR MASKING TAPE.
WE'RE ALL LEARNING TOGETHER.
I THINK THEY WANT TO
INVITE THE REST OF THE TRIBE
INTO THE SHELTER.
I'LL GO IN THERE.
I THINK THEY'RE
INVITING YOU, CARYN.
I'M SCARED.
Albright: IT'S ALL
RIGHT. GO AHEAD.
UM, WE'RE GETTING A
LITTLE OFF-TRACK HERE.
THIS IS THE FIRST EXPERIMENT
I EVER UNDERSTOOD.
GUYS! GUYS! YOU'RE
NOT COMMUNICATING!
STOP! STOP!
THIS EXPERIMENT IS OVER!
SHUT UP!
GET OUT!
WHERE'S OUR MONEY?
HERE. GET OUT!
SO, UM,
YOU WANT TO BOOK US
FOR NEXT SEMESTER?
NO!
WE'LL SEE.
WE, THE JURY...
ALL OF US...
IN FACT, EVERYONE OF US...
FIND THE DEFENDANT
GUILTY ON ALL COUNTS.
DOES THE DEFENSE
WANT THE JURY POLLED?
YES, YOUR HONOR.
AS I CALL YOUR NUMBER,
PLEASE ENTER YOUR VERDICT.
JUROR NUMBER ONE.
GUILTY.
JUROR NUMBER 2. GUILTY.
GUILTY. JUROR NUMBER 3.
JUROR NUMBER 4.
MR. FOSTER, I'D JUST...
JUROR NUMBER 4.
I'M NOT MAKING ANY JUDGMENTS...
JUROR NUMBER 4, HOW DO YOU VOTE?
YOU ARE SO GUILTY,
YOU STUPID MAN!
THERE WAS NO WAY FOR ME
NOT TO CONVICT YOU, AND I TRIED.
I WAS SO DEDICATED, I
SNUCK OUT OF MOTOR LODGE
AND TALKED TO MY FRIENDS
AND FAMILY ABOUT THIS CASE.
YOU SPOKE WITH OTHERS
ABOUT THE FACTS OF THIS CASE
DURING THE DELIBERATION PROCESS?
YES. TO ANYONE WHO WOULD LISTEN.
YOUR HONOR, I
MOVE FOR A MISTRIAL.
GRANTED.
OHH! OHH! OHH!
DOES THAT MEAN HE'S
NOT GOING TO JAIL?
NO, THANKS TO YOU THERE'S
GOING TO BE A NEW TRIAL.
AM I GONNA BE ON THE JURY?
NO!
YES!
THE JURY SYSTEM IS LIKE
A NEVER-ENDING BATTLE.
JUSTICE ALWAYS DEPENDS
ON FAIR-MINDED HUMANS
OUTNUMBERING THE
BIGOTS, FOOLS, AND COWARDS.
YEAH, WHICH ONE ARE YOU?
FAIR-MINDED COWARD.
YEAH. JUSTICE IS SO MUCH
SIMPLER WHERE WE COME FROM.
OH, YEAH, YOU SIMPLY HOOK THE
SUSPECT TO THE OLD TRUTH BELT,
AND IF HIS TUBE STAYS
PURPLE, HE'S INNOCENT.
IF IT TURNS BLUE, HE'S GUILTY.
NICE AND CLEAN.
OH, EXCEPT FOR THOSE TIMES
WHEN IT DOESN'T
CHANGE ALL THE WAY,
AND THEN YOU GET INTO THOSE
ENDLESS ARGUMENTS ABOUT,
"OOH, I THINK IT'S MAGENTA."
"NO, THAT LOOKS LAVENDER."
WELL, I GUESS OUR SYSTEM
ISN'T PERFECT EITHER.
ALL SYSTEMS ARE CORRUPT.
[SIGHS]
THAT'S RIGHT, SUNSHINE.
WHAT'S FOR DINNER, SALLY?
[ENGLISH ACCENT] WHATEVER
YOU MAKE YOURSELF.
I'M MEETIN' SETH.
OH. HAVE A NICE NIGHT, PRINCESS.
GOD, WHEN DOES IT END?
AH, IT'S JUST A PHASE.
YEAH, SHE'LL GROW OUT OF IT.
BUT IN THE MEANTIME,
WHAT ARE WE GONNA EAT?
[ENGLISH ACCENT] BANGERS
AND MASH, GOVERNOR.
SURE IS A RELIEF TO
BE ABLE TO TALK AGAIN.
OH, YOU'RE TELLING ME.
YEAH.
YOU KNOW, DURING THE SILENCE,
I SORT OF NOTICED HOW
GOOD-LOOKING YOU ARE.
HELLO.
UH, NO, YOU HAVE
THE WRONG NUMBER.
I'M GOING TO TRANSFER YOU.
BUT IF I LOSE YOU, TRY AGAIN.
NINA, HOW MANY STUDENTS HAVE
SIGNED UP FOR MY DEMONSTRATION?
NONE.
NONE?
OH, WAIT...
NONE.
WHAT'S YOUR DEMONSTRATION ABOUT?
OH, IT'S A LITTLE
EXPERIMENT I DO EVERY YEAR.
A FEW STUDENTS COMMUNICATE
WITHOUT WORDS FOR AN ENTIRE WEEK,
AND THE REST OF THE CLASS
LEARNS WHAT LIFE IN A SOCIETY
WITHOUT LANGUAGE WAS LIKE.
YOU MEAN LIKE...
THAT'S GOOD FUN. NO
ONE WANTS TO DO IT?
I KNOW. YOU'D THINK KIDS
WOULD BE LINED UP FOR $10 A DAY.
YOU DON'T HAVE TO BE SARCASTIC.
I'D HAVE 50 STUDENTS LINED UP IF IT
WASN'T FOR THAT DAMN FINANCIAL AID.
DICK, SOMETHING
BIG HAS HAPPENED.
IT'S BIG, I TELL YA. BIG, I SAY.
"YOU HAVE BEEN SUMMONED
TO SERVE AS A JUROR"
"IN OHIO STATE COURT,
RUTHERFORD, OHIO."
"SUCH SERVICE IS A
PRIVILEGE AND A DUTY..."
OH, JURY DUTY? THROW IT OUT.
AND IF THEY CALL YOU ON IT,
TELL THEM IT WAS
LOST IN THE MAIL.
THAT IS WHY THE JUDICIAL
SYSTEM IS IN SUCH A SHAMBLES.
IT'S PEOPLE LIKE YOU WHO
ARE TOO APATHETIC TO SHOW UP.
YOU THREW YOURS OUT LAST YEAR.
WELL, YEAH, I'M NOT ABOUT TO
SERVE ON A JURY IN THE SUMMERTIME.
WELL, WINTER, SPRING,
SUMMER, OR FALL,
ALL THEY HAVE TO DO IS
CALL AND I'LL BE THERE.
YES, I WILL.
WELL, WHAT A HUGE HONOR.
A TREMENDOUS OPPORTUNITY.
WELL, THANK YOU, BOYS.
NO. NO, NOT YOU, DICK.
ALBRIGHT'S OFFERING 10 BUCKS
A DAY FOR PEOPLE NOT TO TALK.
ARE YOU INTERESTED?
ARE YOU KIDDING? THAT'S
DOUBLE WHAT SALLY PAYS.
OHH!
HI.
[ENGLISH ACCENT] HI.
WHAT'CHA WRITIN'?
MY THOUGHTS.
HOW NOBODY UNDERSTANDS ME,
HOW UTTERLY ALONE I AM,
AND HOW MUCH IT HURTS ME THAT...
I DON'T CARE.
OH, MY GOD! THAT'S
EXACTLY HOW I FEEL.
I... I'M SALLY.
I'M SETH.
SALLY...
WOULD YOU BUY ME A SCONE?
[ENGLISH ACCENT] I KNOW, SETH.
I HATE THAT, TOO.
[COUGHING]
SALLY, THANK GOD YOU'RE ALIVE.
WHAT?
UH, A TANKER FULL OF MILK
JACKKNIFED ON THE INTERSTATE.
I THOUGHT YOU MIGHT BE IN IT.
NO, DON, I'M FINE. I'VE
BEEN HERE ALL DAY
PRACTICING MY
SMOKING AND MY ACCENT.
WELL, THIS TRIP WAS UNNECESSARY.
YOU WANT TO CHECK OUT THE WRECK?
I'M A COP. I CAN
GET US REAL CLOSE.
OH, NO, THANKS, DON.
YOU DON'T WANT TO SEE A WRECK?
ARE YOU FEELING ALL RIGHT?
I'M FINE. I JUST GOT TO
GO MEET THIS GUY SETH.
YOU KNOW, YOU
WOULD REALLY LIKE HIM.
SETH?
I PICKED HIM UP AT
THE COFFEE SHOP.
HE TALKS KIND OF
FUNNY, BUT HE IS DREAMY.
HE'S AN ARTIST, BUT
HE'S... TORTURED.
TORTURED, HUH?
THERE'S A LOT OF
THAT GOING AROUND.
HE'S SO WONDERFUL.
YOU KNOW, I HAVE NEVER
FELT THIS DEPRESSED BEFORE.
I'M REALLY HAPPY FOR YOU.
OH, LOOK AT HIM.
HOW MUCH MORE GUILTY CAN
YOU GET? I MEAN, HE'S GOT A GUN.
THAT'S THE BAILIFF.
OH. OH, WELL...
WHAT ABOUT HIM?
HIS EXPENSIVE SUIT,
CLUTCHING A BRIEFCASE...
HE'S A LAWYER.
OH. WELL, HIS TURN WILL COME.
I'VE BEEN SITTING IN
THERE FOR 2 HOURS.
YOU'D THINK THEY'D AT
LEAST PUT OUT A BUFFET.
YEAH, I LOST 75
CENTS IN THAT THING.
NUTZIT?
COOL RANCH?
BARBECUE.
NO, THANKS.
MAYBE JUST ONE.
ALL RIGHT, EVERYBODY, LISTEN UP.
WE'RE ABOUT TO START THE
JURY SELECTION PROCESS.
THE FIRST CASE ON THE
DOCKET IS A PETTY THEFT.
MMM... NO.
I'M LOOKING FOR SOMETHING
A LITTLE MORE MEATY,
INTERNATIONAL SOFTWARE
PIRACY, PERHAPS,
OR MAYBE A TRIPLE HOMICIDE.
OK.
JUST LET THE JUDGE KNOW WHEN
YOU FIND SOMETHING THAT TICKLES YOU.
OH, WILL DO.
OH, AND, HEY...
THANKS.
HARRY AND TOMMY SOLOMON
WILL DEMONSTRATE HOW
PRE-VERBAL SOCIETIES FUNCTIONED.
FOR THE NEXT 5 DAYS,
24 HOURS A DAY,
THEY WILL FUNCTION
WITHOUT WORDS.
LET US BEGIN.
THAT MEANS I'M HUNGRY.
THAT'S GOOD, BUT NO TALKING.
OH!
YOU CAN'T DO THAT, EITHER.
OH, NOT THAT, EITHER?
OK, NO MOUTHING.
OH, SORRY. ALL RIGHT, WE GOT IT.
YEAH, IT'S TOUGH AT FIRST.
OK, YES. ALL RIGHT.
OH, UM, OH, UH...
McHALE'S NAVY.
YES!
THIS IS GREAT. HE GOT IT.
PEOPLE, WHAT YOU
SEE HERE TODAY IS REAL.
IT IS NOT A SETUP.
ONE MORE WORD OUT OF YOU
AND YOU'RE NOT GETTING PAID.
YOU KNOW, I HAVE NEVER
MET ANYONE LIKE YOU, SETH.
MOST GUYS I MEET HAVE
GOALS AND CAREERS.
NOT YOU. YOU'RE AN ARTIST.
ARTIST!
HOW CAN I PAINT WHEN SEAGULLS
ARE CHOKING ON PLASTIC CAN HOLDERS?
OK, LET'S GO DOWN TO THE
LAKE, GRAB A 6-PACK OF 'EM,
AND SET 'EM FREE.
WHAT'S THE POINT?
IT'S NOT GOING TO BUY A LITTLE KID
IN APPALACHIA HIS ASTHMA MEDICINE.
WE COULD ORGANIZE A WALKATHON
AND GET THAT KID SOME DOUGH!
SALLY, I HAVE A PLAY TO WRITE.
AND AN ARTIST LIVES
ONLY FOR HIS ART.
AND HE ONLY WEARS BLACK,
'CAUSE IT GOES WITH EVERYTHING.
AND NOTHING.
WOW!
SIR, HAVE YOU EVER BEEN
IN AN AUTOMOBILE COLLISION?
UH, NO.
BUT I AM A COLLEGE
PHYSICS PROFESSOR,
SO NO MATTER HOW
SOPHISTICATED THE ANALYSIS GETS,
UH, I'LL FOLLOW IT.
THANK YOU.
YOU'RE EXCUSED.
EXCUSED TO PREPARE FOR THE CASE?
NO, EXCUSED TO
GO SIT IN THE LOBBY
AND WAIT FOR THE NEXT CASE.
EXCUSE ME?
YOU'RE EXCUSED.
BUT I'M A PROFESSOR.
THAT GUY DOESN'T
EVEN HAVE ANY TEETH.
SIR, DO YOU BELIEVE EVERYTHING
YOU READ IN THE NEWSPAPERS?
NO, OF COURSE NOT.
THANK YOU. YOU'RE EXCUSED.
DO YOU BELIEVE EVERYTHING
YOU READ IN THE NEWSPAPER?
YES. EVERY LAST WORD.
THE NEWSPAPER IS MY BIBLE.
THANK YOU.
YOU'RE WELCOME.
YOU'RE EXCUSED.
OK, NOW IT'S PERSONAL.
THIS CASE INVOLVES
BIG-RIG TRUCKS.
DO YOU HAVE ANY
FEELINGS ON BIG RIGS?
YES, OF COURSE.
I THINK ANYONE WHO
DRIVES ONE IS GUILTY, RIGHT?
THANK YOU. YOU'RE EXCUSED.
GUILTY OF BRINGING
THE WORLD JOY!
I LOVE BIG RIGS!
DO YOU BELIEVE EVERYTHING
YOU READ IN THE NEWSPAPER?
YES!
NO!
I DON'T KNOW! I DON'T KNOW
WHAT TO BELIEVE ANYMORE.
YOU TELL ME WHAT TO
BELIEVE AND I'LL DO IT.
HE'S GOOD WITH ME.
ME, TOO.
OK, MR. SOLOMON, YOU'RE
SEATED ON THE CASE,
THE STATE VS. CHRIS FOSTER.
I'M IN?
I'M IN?
I MADE THE CUT!
I'M ON A JURY!
FINE. FINE. REPORT
HERE TOMORROW AT 8 A.M.
8 A.M. IN THE MORNING?
COURT IS NOW IN SESSION,
JUDGE HAROLD DEBELKO
PRESIDING IN THE CASE,
THE STATE VS. CHRIS FOSTER.
ALL RISE!
SO WHAT DID THIS
CHRIS FOSTER DO?
TELEMARKETING FRAUD.
WELL, HOW WILL THEY PROVE...
SHH! WE'RE NOT SUPPOSED TO TALK.
Dick's voice over: CHRIS
FOSTER, SNAKE OIL SALESMAN
WITH A SALAD OIL TONGUE,
AN ARMANI-CLAD,
PRIVATE-JET-PILOTING HUCKSTER
WHO GETS HIS KICKS FLYING MOM
AND POP INTO THE POORHOUSE.
WELL, FASTEN YOUR SEAT BELT,
FOSTER, I'M BRINGING YOU DOWN.
IT'S JUDGMENT DAY.
GOOD AFTERNOON,
LADIES AND GENTLEMEN,
AND THE DEFENDANT WILL RISE.
Dick's voice over: THAT'S RIGHT.
SHOW YOUR UGLY FACE, YOU FIEND.
YOUR HONOR.
OH, MY GOD!
IT'S THAT NICE MAN FROM
THE VENDING MACHINE.
10 GUILTY,
11 GUILTY,
ONCE AGAIN, ONE NOT GUILTY.
NOT GUILTY IT IS.
WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT?
LOOK, FOSTER SAID
HE WASN'T GUILTY.
ARE YOU CALLING HIM...
AND HIS ATTORNEY...
A LIAR?
YES!
NOW, LOOK, LET'S JUST SLOW
DOWN A MINUTE, CAN WE?
I THINK WE NEED TO
CONSIDER THE CONSEQUENCES
OF WHAT WE'RE DOING HERE.
CAN YOU LIVE WITH
SENDING THIS MAN TO JAIL
CONSIDERING THE INDISPUTABLE
FACT THAT CHRIS FOSTER...
IS SO PUDGY AND CUTE?
HOW PUDGY AND
CUTE THE DEFENDANT IS
HAS NO BEARING ON THIS CASE.
LOOK, THIS MORNING, NO ONE WAS
THIRSTIER FOR VENGEANCE THAN I WAS.
BUT NOW IT'S NOT JUST A
CRIME, IT'S A FACE, IT'S A PERSON.
AND HE WAS SITTING
RIGHT NEXT TO US.
HE'S GONNA KNOW WE DID IT.
LOOK, OUR JOB ISN'T
TO SEND HIM TO PRISON.
IT'S SIMPLY TO DECIDE BETWEEN GUILT
AND INNOCENCE BASED ON THE FACTS.
AND THERE ARE PHONE
RECORDS, CANCELED CHECKS,
AND 8 WITNESSES ALL
SAYING FOSTER DID IT!
WELL, IF HE STOLE THIS
MONEY, WHAT DID HE DO WITH IT?
HE SUPPORTED A
MISTRESS AND HER CHILD.
WE HEARD THAT TESTIMONY.
LISTEN TO YOU.
IN AN AGE WHEN A MAN CAN'T
EVEN SUPPORT HIS FAMILY,
THIS MAN SUPPORTED 2.
SEND HIM TO JAIL? LET'S
SEND HIM TO CONGRESS.
THANKS, JEFF.
HEY.
DO I, UH, KNOW... JEEZ!
SALLY! MY GOD,
WHAT HAVE YOU DONE?
SETH HAS CONVINCED ME
TO REJECT THE MEDIA'S
DEFINITION OF WHAT A WOMAN IS.
FROM NOW ON, YOU'LL
NEVER SEE ME IN TIGHT JEANS
OR A PUSH-UP BRA OR
THONG UNDERWEAR.
IN FACT, I'M DONE WITH
UNDERWEAR FOR GOOD.
HMM...
WHY?
SETH HELPED ME
SEE WHO I REALLY AM.
[ENGLISH ACCENT] I'M A
DIFFERENT PERSON NOW.
YOU'RE TALKING CRAZY.
YOU DON'T PAINT A
MUSTACHE ON THE MONA LISA.
YOU DON'T EAT STEAK
ON THANKSGIVING.
AND YOU DON'T MUCK
AROUND WITH SALLY.
OFFICER, WHY IS THERE
A BOOT ON MY CAR?
SOME GUYS GET A PRETTY LADY,
SOME GUYS GET THE BOOT.
LIFE AIN'T FAIR.
10 HAMBURGERS,
11 HAMBURGERS...
ONE PIZZA.
WHAT? I'M IN THE MOOD FOR PIZZA.
FINE! LET'S HAVE PIZZA.
AHA! IF YOU COULD HAVE PIZZA,
COULDN'T YOU VOTE INNOCENT?
NO!
MAYBE YOU'LL ALL
CHANGE YOUR TUNE
WHEN YOU HEAR ABOUT A LITTLE
THING CALLED REASONABLE DOUBT.
WHAT'S THE POINT?
THE POINT IS,
IT'S REASONABLE TO ASSUME
THAT FOSTER USED THE MONEY
TO PAY FOR HIS SICK DAUGHTER'S
LIFE-THREATENING OPERATION.
NO, IT'S NOT.
HE DOESN'T HAVE A DAUGHTER.
IT'S NOT A REASONABLE DOUBT
IF YOU JUST MAKE THINGS UP.
OH, SO IT'S TRUTH YOU WANT?
YES.
YOU WANT THE TRUTH?
YOU WANT THE TRUTH?
WELL, I CAN'T HANDLE THE TRUTH!
ALL RIGHT, SINCE YOU
HAVEN'T REACHED A VERDICT,
THE JUDGE HAS ORDERED
YOU ALL TO SPEND THE NIGHT
SEQUESTERED AT
GARY'S MOTOR LODGE.
OH, GOOD! WE CAN USE THE
TIME TO GET TO KNOW EACH OTHER.
OHH! OHH! OHH!
[TELEPHONE RINGS]
HELLO?
PSSST!
[COUGHING]
SALLY,
I WAS SURPRISED
TO HEAR FROM YOU.
[ENGLISH ACCENT] I WANT
TO KNOW WHAT'S GOIN' ON?
SETH'S GOT A LOT
OF PARKIN' TICKETS.
TELL THE MAN TO CHILL.
I SEE. WELL, YOU
KNOW WHAT, SALLY?
THIS MAN IS "THE MAN."
YOU THE MAN? I THE MAN.
WELL, WHY ARE YOU DOIN' IT?
BECAUSE, SALLY, HE, UH,
HE PARKS HIS CAR SLIGHTLY ASKEW.
SOMETIMES IT'S JUST
WEIRD-LOOKING THE WAY HE PARKS IT.
AND THAT'S A CRIME?
ACCORDING TO THE
LETTER OF THE LAW,
IT'S NOT TECHNICALLY
A CRIME, PER SE.
BUT IT'S A BIG FAUX PAS.
OH! THANK GOD YOU'RE HERE!
I NEED YOUR HELP.
[ENGLISH ACCENT]
DICK, TRIAL OVER?
ELIZA?
NO, IT'S SALLY.
OH. OH, NO, THE
TRIAL'S NOT OVER.
WE'VE BEEN SEQUESTERED
AT GARY'S MOTOR LODGE.
I'M NO LAW EXPERT,
BUT, UH, IF YOU'VE
BEEN SEQUESTERED,
I DON'T THINK YOU
SHOULD BE HERE.
I HAD TO COME. THEY'RE GONNA
CONVICT THIS POOR GUY CHRIS FOSTER.
OH, COME ON, HE'S GUILTY!
WELL, HOW DO YOU KNOW?
HE'S ON TRIAL, ISN'T HE?
OH, HE'S GUILTY?
GUILTY OF NOT BEING ABLE TO BUY
JUSTICE WITH SOME HIGH-PRICED LAWYER.
ACTUALLY, HE HAS A
HIGH-PRICED LAWYER.
HE MADE A NICE FORTUNE
SWINDLING PEOPLE.
SO HE IS GUILTY.
WELL, MAYBE HE IS,
BUT WHY DO I HAVE TO BE
THE ONE WHO SENDS HIM AWAY?
I'M THE FINAL BATTER,
JUROR NUMBER 4.
IT'S THE BOTTOM OF THE NINTH
INNING. THE COUNT IS 11 AND ONE.
FOSTER'S IN THE PENALTY BOX
WAITING FOR THE 2-MINUTE WARNING.
BUT WHO'S GONNA BLOW THE
WHISTLE ON HIM? NOT THE UMPIRE!
ME!
DON'T WATCH A LOT OF
BASEBALL, DO YOU, DICK?
WHAT A LOAD OF COBBLERS.
WHERE ARE YOU GOING, LIEUTENANT?
DON'T CALL ME THAT.
THAT'S NOT MY THING ANYMORE.
WHEN THE HIGH
COMMANDER HAS A PROBLEM,
HE TURNS TO HIS SECOND
IN COMMAND FOR COUNSEL.
THAT'S YOUR RESPONSIBILITY.
YEAH, WELL, RESPONSIBILITY
IS JUST A CHOKE CHAIN
ON YOUR CREATIVE...
DOG!
YOU HAVE A JOB.
YOU TOOK ON THIS ASSIGNMENT,
AND NOW IT'S YOUR
SWORN DUTY TO DO IT RIGHT.
[NORMAL VOICE] OH, JUST LIKE
YOU'RE DOING YOUR SWORN DUTY,
JUROR NUMBER 4?
NOT A WORD!
NOT A WORD!
I THINK TOMMY IS SAYING,
"GOOD WORK, HARRY.
THIS SHELTER WILL PROTECT
US FROM FOUL WEATHER."
ALL WITHOUT WORDS.
ALL WITHOUT WORDS.
I THINK HE'S SAYING HE NEEDS
MORE MASKING TAPE ON TOP.
NO, NO, THAT'S FOUL WEATHER.
OR... OR MASKING TAPE.
WE'RE ALL LEARNING TOGETHER.
I THINK THEY WANT TO
INVITE THE REST OF THE TRIBE
INTO THE SHELTER.
I'LL GO IN THERE.
I THINK THEY'RE
INVITING YOU, CARYN.
I'M SCARED.
Albright: IT'S ALL
RIGHT. GO AHEAD.
UM, WE'RE GETTING A
LITTLE OFF-TRACK HERE.
THIS IS THE FIRST EXPERIMENT
I EVER UNDERSTOOD.
GUYS! GUYS! YOU'RE
NOT COMMUNICATING!
STOP! STOP!
THIS EXPERIMENT IS OVER!
SHUT UP!
GET OUT!
WHERE'S OUR MONEY?
HERE. GET OUT!
SO, UM,
YOU WANT TO BOOK US
FOR NEXT SEMESTER?
NO!
WE'LL SEE.
WE, THE JURY...
ALL OF US...
IN FACT, EVERYONE OF US...
FIND THE DEFENDANT
GUILTY ON ALL COUNTS.
DOES THE DEFENSE
WANT THE JURY POLLED?
YES, YOUR HONOR.
AS I CALL YOUR NUMBER,
PLEASE ENTER YOUR VERDICT.
JUROR NUMBER ONE.
GUILTY.
JUROR NUMBER 2. GUILTY.
GUILTY. JUROR NUMBER 3.
JUROR NUMBER 4.
MR. FOSTER, I'D JUST...
JUROR NUMBER 4.
I'M NOT MAKING ANY JUDGMENTS...
JUROR NUMBER 4, HOW DO YOU VOTE?
YOU ARE SO GUILTY,
YOU STUPID MAN!
THERE WAS NO WAY FOR ME
NOT TO CONVICT YOU, AND I TRIED.
I WAS SO DEDICATED, I
SNUCK OUT OF MOTOR LODGE
AND TALKED TO MY FRIENDS
AND FAMILY ABOUT THIS CASE.
YOU SPOKE WITH OTHERS
ABOUT THE FACTS OF THIS CASE
DURING THE DELIBERATION PROCESS?
YES. TO ANYONE WHO WOULD LISTEN.
YOUR HONOR, I
MOVE FOR A MISTRIAL.
GRANTED.
OHH! OHH! OHH!
DOES THAT MEAN HE'S
NOT GOING TO JAIL?
NO, THANKS TO YOU THERE'S
GOING TO BE A NEW TRIAL.
AM I GONNA BE ON THE JURY?
NO!
YES!
THE JURY SYSTEM IS LIKE
A NEVER-ENDING BATTLE.
JUSTICE ALWAYS DEPENDS
ON FAIR-MINDED HUMANS
OUTNUMBERING THE
BIGOTS, FOOLS, AND COWARDS.
YEAH, WHICH ONE ARE YOU?
FAIR-MINDED COWARD.
YEAH. JUSTICE IS SO MUCH
SIMPLER WHERE WE COME FROM.
OH, YEAH, YOU SIMPLY HOOK THE
SUSPECT TO THE OLD TRUTH BELT,
AND IF HIS TUBE STAYS
PURPLE, HE'S INNOCENT.
IF IT TURNS BLUE, HE'S GUILTY.
NICE AND CLEAN.
OH, EXCEPT FOR THOSE TIMES
WHEN IT DOESN'T
CHANGE ALL THE WAY,
AND THEN YOU GET INTO THOSE
ENDLESS ARGUMENTS ABOUT,
"OOH, I THINK IT'S MAGENTA."
"NO, THAT LOOKS LAVENDER."
WELL, I GUESS OUR SYSTEM
ISN'T PERFECT EITHER.
ALL SYSTEMS ARE CORRUPT.
[SIGHS]
THAT'S RIGHT, SUNSHINE.
WHAT'S FOR DINNER, SALLY?
[ENGLISH ACCENT] WHATEVER
YOU MAKE YOURSELF.
I'M MEETIN' SETH.
OH. HAVE A NICE NIGHT, PRINCESS.
GOD, WHEN DOES IT END?
AH, IT'S JUST A PHASE.
YEAH, SHE'LL GROW OUT OF IT.
BUT IN THE MEANTIME,
WHAT ARE WE GONNA EAT?
[ENGLISH ACCENT] BANGERS
AND MASH, GOVERNOR.
SURE IS A RELIEF TO
BE ABLE TO TALK AGAIN.
OH, YOU'RE TELLING ME.
YEAH.
YOU KNOW, DURING THE SILENCE,
I SORT OF NOTICED HOW
GOOD-LOOKING YOU ARE.